E31 | Whispers From The Sidelines That Shout Out The Truth #TeamWorkTuesday

Today we uncover the secrets to creating a cohesive team dynamic where feedback is welcomed, differing opinions are valued, and every voice feels heard.

Learn how to lead by example, making decisions that resonate with your team's core values and aspirations.

We share practical tips on how to avoid common pitfalls that lead to workplace gossip and how to address concerns head-on, building a stronger, more united team in the process.

Whether you're a seasoned leader or stepping into a leadership role for the first time, this episode will equip you with the insights needed to lead with integrity, empathy, and a deep understanding of your team's needs.

Say goodbye to the whispers from the sidelines and hello to a team that speaks volumes about the strength of your leadership.

Getting To Unstuck is a live podcast recording with Christal Duncan, Colin Kingsmill, and Carol Vickers from Whole Human Coaching. Find out more about our work and take our Whole Human Wheel of Life Assessment at https://wholehumancoaching.com

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Transcript

Carol Vickers: [00:00:00] Hello. Good morning. Say, did you hear the latest dirt on Justin Trudeau? 

Colin Kingsmill: Oh, I hear his dirt every day. 

Christal Duncan: Do tell 

Carol Vickers: me, spill the tea, please. So when you, there's going to be an expose. I'm sure his wife is writing. His ex wife is writing it right now. We're going to get to find out all his dirty secrets.

Christal Duncan: That is a wow. Way to, way to create a provocative entrance into the arena today, Carol. I don't want it to point out how much we [00:01:00] love that stuff. We love gossip. Right? We love gossip. If there's one thing that you always notice at the, even at the grocery store is like the top rack at the eye level, you know, which is always the most popular, it's like hello magazine and all the, the people and all the things that are always like the salacious, uh, covers the headlines that they always have, that it's like, you know, you tell yourself I'm not going to be drawn in.

I'm not going to be drawn in, but really, is it true? 

Colin Kingsmill: And they're right beside the chocolate bars too, which is no coincidence, right? 

Christal Duncan: Sugar, 

Colin Kingsmill: dopamine, um, as you, uh, as you buy your overpriced groceries. 

Christal Duncan: Well, welcome to episode two. 32 on getting to unstuck. It is episode 32. So let's just take a moment and be like, yes, it's episode 32.

That is 32 fantastic conversations we have been having. Uh, every week we're showing up here on Tuesdays and every second [00:02:00] Thursday and Tuesdays are teamwork Tuesdays. And so in case you had, this is your first time hearing us or you've, um, you're maybe just coming back. You haven't, you've missed a few episodes.

We want to let you know that there is some good stuff in the vault. So you'll want to check that out. If you haven't yet signed up for our newsletter, you can also get updates there and don't forget to take our whole human wheel of life. It's a, it's a free resource that will give you a really great, takes two minutes and it'll give you a fantastic overview.

of really a holistic picture of your life and areas that you may want to start focusing on. So today we are going to get into whispers from the sidelines that shout out the truth. So we're, um, thinking about here, we always talk about what it means to create cohesive team dynamics. That's really what our focus is.

Um, and essentially Always teams, team dynamics are built by individuals and they're built by [00:03:00] individual choices and how people connect their choices and how they connect with other people. And that's really what we're always talking about at the core. Um, the problem is, or the challenge is It may feel like it's outside of us.

It may feel like it's someone else may feel like someone else is the problem, but at the very core is who we are and how we're showing up in response to those challenges, right? And how we're proactively dealing with them. So today we're, we're looking at, um, a co editing. A cohesive team dynamic where feedback is welcomed, differing opinions are valued, and every voice feels heard.

So we're going to talk about leading by example, making decisions that resonate with your team's core values, and we're going to share some practical tips on how to avoid bias. common pitfalls. So in case you're wondering, this is an episode just like every other one, but today we're, we're going to be giving you some tangible things that you can identify to help you, um, not only lessen those whispers from the sidelines, but recognize when it's you that [00:04:00] is actually maybe The source of those whispers.

So let's start, let's start here first. Um, Carole and Colin, why don't we talk about what was the inspiration behind this? Uh, and, and why, why we see, we recognize that this is something that is coming up a lot. 

Carol Vickers: I think the whispers from the sidelines, the whole idea that we start to get a little bit of, uh, some information as a leader.

From hearing what's going on in the lunchroom, in the, you know, on the Slack channel, it happens, like we, as I said at the beginning, something, something sparky gets asked, it's like, ooh, did you hear about? But I think as a leader, we have to be aware that communication happens in a lot of different ways.

And the, those whispers that we might be hearing, sometimes we need to pay attention to them. [00:05:00] 

Colin Kingsmill: Well, I mean, they're, I mean, unless they're completely malicious, there has to be a grain of truth in them. Right, right. And whether it's amplified to 10 or it's a one doesn't really matter, but you've got to listen to them.

And I guess my question too is like, if there's gossip happening, and there's whispering around the around the water, um, Fountain to me that says that, that, that there isn't open communications, that there's something missing in the way that you are communicating as a leader or that the way that you're working as a leader, it should all be out on the table.

I mean, other than personal information, obviously, but, um, to me, gossip means that there's been a breakdown somewhere, somehow, but don't make Right. 

Carol Vickers: But let's think of the nature of gossip because It is juicy. It is, uh, [00:06:00] we, we want, you know, we're, we're drawn to it as human beings. 

Colin Kingsmill: I equate gossip to junk food.

And, you know, just like you crave, I don't know, we don't have them over here, but white spot, right. And, or McDonald's or whatever. And for some reason it's just so yummy. And you, you, you kind of turn your, your mind off and say, okay, I'm, I'm going to forget that I'm consuming chemicals. moment. But I think the same thing happens with gossip, right?

It's kind of delicious, you kind of know it's wrong, but you still go into the drive thru and, and you consume it. And then afterwards, about an hour later, you want more. So, so, so to me, it's like, we need to be thinking more of a holistic health food diet in the workplace, right? What is nourishing as opposed to detracting?

Cause I don't think gossip, [00:07:00] unless. I don't think, I don't think gossip is nourishing at all. I, 

Carol Vickers: but I think it does. Colin, maybe, maybe something. I think it nourishes in some ways it nourishes alliances. 

Colin Kingsmill: Oh, right. It 

Carol Vickers: bring like, you know, you and I, you know, let's use this example. It's like, sure, you and I can talk behind Crystal's back and there's something like, oh, I know that about, you know, we're, we did yesterday, right?

I promise.

Being in on something. If you are getting the gossip and if you don't, you're out, right? 

Colin Kingsmill: Again, I think it's a system, systemic problem if that's the case. The fact that you have to gossip means that there isn't open communications, right? The fact that somebody feels out and they want to feel in with that kind of junk food behavior means to me, again, why [00:08:00] isn't this inclusive or including everybody in the conversation and the team, right?

Totally. 

Christal Duncan: Yeah. Do you remember, um, a couple months ago we had an episode. It was called, are you, are you, um, a gang, a team or a gang? And we likened, we likened it to the fact and I've, I've experienced it in the workplace, and I think we've talked about that in the past, that bullying, uh, we think about, we tend to think of bullying as something that happens on the playground, but then bullying is something that can, carries on.

And gossip is one of the ways that that can happen. And you said earlier about how one of the, the hits that gossip gives us is maybe bullying. We build alliances with people, but I think that the very word alliances to build the need to build an alliance in the first place is already that is indicative of a bigger systemic problem than just the gossip that's indicative of the fact that you don't feel safe in that place.[00:09:00] 

And you need to find who you're, who your people are going to be your, your team within the team. And that is, well, it's obvious, it's obvious it's divisive. It's destructive. It's can, it can create very toxic workplaces, uh, when you're always wondering literally like who's, who's got my back and who doesn't like that is not.

A fun way to spend so many hours of your day and your week and your life. Yes. 

Carol Vickers: Yeah. I agree. I think whenever we fall into battlefield analogy, we know that there's something wrong with the workplace. It's 

Christal Duncan: true. Yeah. Yeah. 

Colin Kingsmill: The thing is too, like, I think you have to also be aware of making it feel better about yourself, right?

Like I, I'm like, I think, I think if, if gossip is making you feel better about yourself, we need to start talking about mindfulness. We need to start a self awareness. We need to start talking about [00:10:00] looking inward and what, what can we, where can we shed some light. 

Christal Duncan: Mm hmm. 

Colin Kingsmill: So that you aren't picking up that box of chocolates to feel better about who you are inside.

Yeah. 

Carol Vickers: Yeah. Very good point. And if you're a leader and you catch that this is going on, what are some of the things that you can do to, to nip it in the bud? Because it is one of, when we talk about toxic workplaces, that's one of the things that comes up every single time is there's, there's tons of gossip and people don't feel safe.

Yeah. Yeah. 

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. Insidious. 

Christal Duncan: Yeah. So one of the things that I think that, um, when I think about it is to come back to what we talked about right at the beginning is that teams are built of individuals and as an individual leader, whether you're leading from within the team or you are the leader of the team speaking to you as anybody that identifies as a leader.

Um, I think one of the first [00:11:00] things is to consider, uh, to take responsibility and ask yourself. In all honesty, ask yourself an honest question. Am I contributing to this? And when am I contributing? How, how do I notice or how can I recognize it? Because, you know, we're so used to, um, having judgments and Colin, you talked about mindfulness a moment ago.

We're so used to judging ourselves, but instead just taking one step further back. And if we see ourselves participating in, in That gossip or in that, um, you know, in, yeah, in gossip, in, in, in hurtful conversations that are not helping. Um, if we see ourselves participating in that to actually have a moment and be like, isn't that interesting that I did that?

What did that provide for me? Like in catching it in the moment is 

Carol Vickers: really 

Christal Duncan: important. 

Carol Vickers: Oh, yes, definitely. And that does take some self awareness. You're absolutely right. It also takes some courage to call it out. Yes. So if you're hearing it, [00:12:00] if you come upon it to ask people to stop, 

Christal Duncan: that's, yeah. So here's a question for you then in that situation, what if, if, if someone said to you straight up, how can I.

How can I interrupt this pattern with the people that I'm working with? Maybe, maybe I'm not the leader of the team, but I am, you know, I consider myself a leader. How can I interrupt this pattern in my team? What, what would you say? 

Carol Vickers: Well, I think it takes guts. I think you have to go in there and have to say, this is not serving anybody and call it out for the mean behavior that it is because by definition, gossip is putting someone else in a negative light.

Okay. Right? It isn't gossip if we're bragging about somebody, if we're sharing their attributes and we're saying how wonderful they are, it's when we begin to say things that would cause them to be seen as not effective or [00:13:00] not kind. So I think it really comes down to being willing to say, Hey, just like you would in a, in a bullying situation, it takes some guts to go up and say, stop that.

Yeah. It's not right. 

Colin Kingsmill: And also make sure that you never do it yourself, right? I think, I think leadership is also obviously by example, but, but being aware not to fall into those, into those traps yourself. 

Carol Vickers: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's, it's predicated. We can't figure out how to get the communication up though, because that's part of the challenge we have in our workplaces is some, we see something or, and we, we don't know where to go with that information.

Colin Kingsmill: You know, uh, a couple of people I've been speaking to recently have had, have gotten together and had meetings with no agenda, like just connection time. 

Carol Vickers: Okay. And 

Colin Kingsmill: I think a lot of that is missing in the workplace where you get together with the people that are [00:14:00] in the room with you and, or on the team with you and just hang out for a little while.

Like, like everybody's so. nose to the grindstone these days 

Christal Duncan: that 

Colin Kingsmill: you forget that, that, that that person across the table or across the room is another fellow human being that has just experienced this probably many of the same things you have in the last 24 hours, right? Whether it's traffic or stress or finance, whatever, it doesn't matter.

And, and taking a little bit of time to be human again and to connect on a human level. How are you? What are you doing? What's going on? How are you feeling? Bye. Um, so many offices, so many workplaces don't do that and you've got to have some joy together, some play time, some downtime. 

Christal Duncan: Yeah. Yeah. Unscripted.

Yeah. It's because the, the idea of, of that, like the literally like the backbiting, right? That's such a, to me that's [00:15:00] such like a visceral word. Like I think about like when you see animals that aren't getting along and they bite each other's necks or each other's backs, right? Like backbiting, that's.

That's what it is. It's, um, it's, it's predicated on the idea that we're some, it's like a crabs in the bucket thing where it's like, got to pull someone down to get out, right. And that's, that is so not, um, that's so not the world that we want. And I, and I actually think that as, as a value, as our, our collective Right now generation in in general.

That is actually not what we want. We don't we don't want that yet. There's we see all these remnants of how it comes out in us at the at the smallest weight place and that is, yeah, sorry. It, you know what I mean? Like, it's like, it's, we don't, we know we don't want it yet. We continue to participate in it.

Isn't it interesting? There is an [00:16:00] old biblical proverb that, um, I love and it says, it's talks about the, the person who's speaking is talking about the vineyard. And in the vineyard, he says, it's the little foxes that destroy the vineyards. So long before there's like all these other plagues and everything that happened, if you like during, cause seasons, like it's agriculture, there's always something that's happening, but it's the little foxes that are the most destructive in the vineyard because they're eating away at the roots of things and they're getting right down to the small things that are supporting the bigger structures and gossip is like the little foxes 

Colin Kingsmill: in the vineyard.

Christal Duncan: Yes, 

Colin Kingsmill: that's right. And you know what it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I just wanted to add to that crystal that, that, that the idea of lack, right? The idea of this idea of, of the society that we live in, that, that, that you have to have more and there isn't enough and we're kind of pushed to strive and push people out of the way.

I think that's also a key element that is [00:17:00] just a remnant of the past and um, something we need to shed. 

Carol Vickers: Yes. And there's, We spoke a little bit before we started here that there is also this gender aspect to it as well. 

Christal Duncan: That 

Carol Vickers: women leaders are often seen as, if they're strong, they're bitches. If they're not, they're, they're, you know, and they tend to fall into gossip.

And if you look at women in the workplace, that can be a really nasty environment. And women leaders tend to try and outshoot each other in order to get up. Above where they need to be and, you know, I think of Margaret Thatcher is the most, most famous example of that she was going to out prime minister any man who'd done it before by being more like the worst example because she thought she had to.

So leadership qualities. That are generous and kind. [00:18:00] They're sometimes seen as too soft. 

Colin Kingsmill: Well, that's a whole other episode. I did it 

Christal Duncan: for sure. You know, in the spirit of like thinking about like the showing up as a whole human, and you talked about the leadership qualities of being generous and kind. What is so interesting is that that is such an outdated Mode to think about the fact that when I show up at work, I have to be different that I, I, that I have to be separated from my values.

I have to be separated about the things that I know really matter to me as a person that is not, that is not what, that is not what builds a successful workplace. That is not what is going to. Get people, pull people together. It's not a rallying point for people. It's, it's not something, you know what I mean?

It's a divisive, it's a divisive tactic. And the longer we cling to those things and we try to perpetuate those things in our, on our teams and with the people that we lead [00:19:00] and the things that we're a part of, the longer we hold ourselves back as individuals. 

Colin Kingsmill: Oh, 

Christal Duncan: I mean, 

Colin Kingsmill: living in integrity and working in integrity.

Like, that's such a hard thing to do, again, because it's like the workplace was this place where you went and put on a mask. 

Carol Vickers: Yes. 

Colin Kingsmill: And that needs to end. 

Carol Vickers: Yeah. It does. Because 

Colin Kingsmill: it kills people. 

Carol Vickers: Yeah. Yeah. So I just wanted to kind of turn this back around one more time, which is if you're a leader and you're hearing gossip.

Christal Duncan: Mm hmm. 

Carol Vickers: How do you get to the kernel of truth? 

Colin Kingsmill: Conversation, open communications, dialogue, connection, those moments of time where you can sit down in a room and listen. Right. Yeah, for me anyway, I don't know about Crystal, but for me it's about that, that authentic connection with people and listening and talking and communicating [00:20:00] that isn't, necessarily related to the task at hand, 

Christal Duncan: because you 

Colin Kingsmill: can fill your day with the tasks at hand, right?

Christal Duncan: And 

Colin Kingsmill: do, do, do, do, do, and have a four page to do list. But if you're not connecting, then the wrong conversations can happen. Yeah, 

Christal Duncan: yeah, yeah, I, I agree. I also think that, um, and I am going to Unapologetically talk about why we are coaches and why we believe that leaders should learn how to lead with coaching tools.

Um, we've been doing workshops about this. We have an upcoming, uh, training events that we're, we're going to be talking about shortly, but this is exactly one of those reasons why, because something that can seem so small. And just can seem like it is a whisper from the sidelines could actually be the thing that topples something else.

And if you do not understand how to connect with people, if you do not understand how to listen to people, if you do [00:21:00] not understand how to create a space where people feel listened to, then you're going to miss it. And that will be that little fox that can actually topple things. 

Colin Kingsmill: There goes the grapevine and you go back to, back to the drive in 

Christal Duncan: at McDonald's.

Yeah. Yeah. 

Colin Kingsmill: Awesome. Thank you, Crystal. 

Christal Duncan: Well, thank you guys, uh, for showing up and just a quick reminder, if you like the show, Yay. So did we, but we would really love for you to like it and to leave us a review. Um, reviews really do help people find their show. And for those of you who have been journeying with us, thank you.

If you want to learn more about us and our work and about upcoming events, you can find us over at whole human coaching. com. Thanks for joining us. 

Colin Kingsmill: Thanks a lot. Thanks for 

Christal Duncan: being here.