65: The Authentic Mindset: Why Forced Positivity Isn’t the Answer

Have you ever felt like being positive just isn’t enough? 

 
Maybe someone told you to “just stay positive” at a time when life felt anything but okay. 

In this episode of Wellbeing Interrupted, I’m opening up about the pressure to perform positivity—especially when living with a chronic illness—and why authenticity is far more healing than forcing a smile. 

If you LOVED the episode, make sure you share this on your Instagram stories and tag me @hurdle2hope 

KEY EPISODE TAKEAWAYS 

• When positivity doesn’t change the physical reality 
  Why positive thinking didn’t help me move my toes in hospital—and what did. 
• The problem with positivity culture 
  How “stay strong” messaging can actually make us feel like we’re doing it wrong. 
• What happens when you suppress how you really feel 
  The difference between pushing down emotions in my 20s vs. facing them head-on with cancer. 
• 5 steps to practise authentic positivity 
  A practical, mindset-shifting guide for being real and resilient. 

SHOW RESOURCES 

• Explore the Healing Mindset Course: hurdle2hope.com/healing-mindset 

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Teisha xo

Always remember to thrive after a life-changing diagnosis... Your Mindset is Everything!


Learn more about the Hurdle2Hope® Roadmap by watching the Mindset Masterclass Reclaim Your Life. It's available now on-demand.

Podcast Website http://www.wellbeinginterrupted.com/


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Transcript

Transcript Episode 65: The Authentic Mindset: Why Forced Positivity Isn’t the Answer

. [00:00:00] Hey there, Teisha here and welcome to episode 65 of Wellbeing Interrupted.

Hopefully you've had a good week. I've had a really good week. I'm actually at the moment away from home for a couple of days, getting my body worked on Ms. Wise. 

. So saw my physio this morning and gosh, that always makes such a big, big difference.

Today's episode is about this question. Have you ever been guilty of saying, just stay positive. . Maybe you've had that said to you sometimes. Being said, when you're feeling really vulnerable, when life isn't going quite as you've planned, when you're dealing with something with your health condition, those words don't necessarily bring comfort.

So again, my episodes are never about calling people out is about having a conversation and really unpacking [00:01:00] different things we do. And in this instance it's about unpacking those three words. Just stay positive.

So hopefully you enjoy this episode.   

So sometimes positivity isn't the key [00:02:00] and. I think I was taught this and I was taught this really early on with ms. I often talk about the year 2000. I was 25. Worst year probably of my life. Although, yeah, I've had some other bad ones, but that was right up there. Um, and that was when I realized that being positive all the time doesn't necessarily change your physical experience. During that time I was in a hospital bed for months. I couldn't, at the beginning, even wriggle my toes. I was totally paralyzed from the waist down, I guess. , and I couldn't feel , one side of my body either. So I had a really aggressive relapse, which meant there was actually a lesion at the base of my head on my spine, it was a big lesion and it meant I couldn't feel down one side of my body. Both sides became very weak [00:03:00] and I couldn't move as well. And this is when I started to question what impact I can have on my experience.

Because I was lying this bed and every hour, or probably more often than that, I would try to wriggle my toes no matter how positive I was, no matter how much effort I put into it, my toes wouldn't move. There was this disconnect between my positive mindset and the response of my body, and for me that was so scary and it made me feel out of control because I thought, how am I gonna get out of this situation? Me being positive is not gonna change it. And that realization was really scary because I thought, I can't necessarily get myself outta this situation. I can be as positive as I want to be, but it's [00:04:00] not necessarily at that point going to impact my experience. But this is where it sort of gets blurred in my mind as well, because although we've gotta accept sometimes that being positive mightn't.

Change the physical. I still think that, not force positivity, but having still a positive outlook, still thinking that whatever happens, I can have an impact on that. That can still improve your situation, but it's letting go of thinking I can be con in control just through my positivity because that's not gonna work.

And I think that's where we've gone wrong in this whole positivity culture. And they talk about toxic positivity, being forced positivity, being positive all the time. You know, hearing things like stay strong. [00:05:00] You know the different signs you see, , keep smiling. You've got this. That doesn't necessarily help in some of these situations with health conditions because as much as I was trying to smile and I was really trying to stay strong, I still couldn't move.

And that's something really difficult to get your head around. ,

and I think this focus on being positive all the time, unfortunately, that stops us from feeling the emotions we're in in that moment. 

And I know in my twenties I was scared when I was lying in the hospital bed there I was scared of feeling all the emotions that I was trying to suppress because I thought, if I open the floodgates, how am I gonna be able to reign that in to. [00:06:00] Overcome this massive, massive challenge. For me, my challenge at that moment I thought was to get out of wheelchair.

Oh no. Actually, at that moment it was to get outta bed, to get into a wheelchair and then get out of a wheelchair. And I think what goes really wrong, even in the world of MS, is that we put in there that if you are positive. Or this is how you interpret it. You know, the worst possible scenario for MS is being in the wheelchair.

That's what I thought when I was diagnosed, and that's why when you can't move or you're sitting in the wheelchair, somehow you think, oh gosh, I've failed. You know, I've done something wrong, and I maybe. If you take on that positivity sort of culture, you think maybe I haven't been positive enough, maybe I haven't thought that I [00:07:00] can overcome this.

You know, maybe somehow my mindset hasn't enabled me to get better. So why I love having these types of conversations is it's to challenge our thinking and. If you are listening to this, and if you are sitting in the wheelchair, that doesn't reflect you not being positive enough, you know you haven't done anything wrong,

and in fact, what I think we do wrong. Is by putting all this emphasis on being positive, then that becomes at the expense of being authentic to your feelings

and. I always say I am in this unique position and I am because life was really tough in my twenties and I got through so many difficult moments, and I'm so proud of myself. In my twenties, I think, gosh, how young is it? 22 diagnosed, 25 lying in the [00:08:00] hospital bed, petrified 26, traveling around the world by myself, you know, 28, back in hospital bed, unable to move back in the wheelchair.

29. Traveling around the world by myself again, so I did so many things, but what I realize now in my late forties being diagnosed with stage four breast cancer, I did it differently In many ways. I did the same in terms of having a positive outlook, knowing I can have an impact on my experience. But not at the expense of being authentic to my emotions.

I've never been so scared, and if you've been listening to this podcast, I share this, you know, that phone call, uh, afternoon before I was diagnosed with. Stage four breast cancer. When the surgeon called to say, mastectomy is [00:09:00] canceled, your cancer spread to your liver, to your sternum, scapula, you know, I had, all of a sudden I was dealing with my mortality and I gasped for air.

I was so, so scared. I felt like there was nothing to catch me. My actual insides felt like they were in free fall.

But I wasn't too scared to feel those emotions, and I think that has helped my healing so much. And I think it took me so many years to really heal with MS because I was pushing down those emotions. Whereas with cancer, I felt and experienced the fear. And I went into a really dark, scary place of facing my mortality, but I came out through that

and that experience now gives me the [00:10:00] confidence to always feel my emotions because I know I can move through it. 

.

So it's so important not to push our emotions down, not to sort of force positivity.

But instead to be authentic and authenticity is so important if we're going to heal and have an impact on our experience.

So by authentic positivity. I am really talking about not pretending everything's okay when it's clearly not lying in the hospital bed, unable to move. Mm. That's not okay. You know, that's a scary experience. So you need to be honest with yourself. You need to feel the feels, and then you need to somehow work out how to move through that, but in a way that's authentic for [00:11:00] you and moving through that might mean that I'm lying in a hospital bed and.

I may never move again, ? But that doesn't mean I can't ever be positive about life again. And I think when you're diagnosed with something like MS, at the beginning, the biggest fear is looking in those brochures and thinking, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair. And you become so scared of that and think, okay, I've gotta be positive, I've gotta be positive.

And then that won't happen. But then you're lying in a hospital bed, you can't move and you're still trying to be positive and you think, but I'm in a wheelchair. Maybe I'm not being positive enough. But that's not the reality. So I always. Think, and I said this on a podcast I was a guest on years ago that my greatest fear now would be sitting in a [00:12:00] wheelchair 

and being miserable and being of the belief I can't have an impact on my experience moving forward. So I think that's where we confuse things. That you can still not heal in the way you want to necessarily, or thought you were gonna heal, but you can still be positive about your impact on your situation, but it might just not be the outcome you were first thinking it would be.

You know, fortunately for me, I did. Get outta a wheelchair, and that happened a number of times, but I, I always grapple with sharing that because I want people to know that if that was an outcome for you, it doesn't mean you weren't positive enough. It just means for whatever reason, that was my experience.

So I just wanted to say that, you know, because that often lays heavy on me, that I don't [00:13:00] ever want people to think that I'm, I'm here saying, , I've been positive, so I've had this amazing experience, but what I have been. Is authentic, and I'm getting so much better at that. Again, I've got better that through the lessons learned in dealing with stage four breast cancer.

So what I really want people to get out of this is don't force positivity. Be authentic. Be authentic to your emotions, because if you suppress your emotions. That will stop your healing. And remember healing's, not just physical healing's at a whole level of, you know, mind, body, spirit.   

So I don't normally do this, but I wanna share with you five things that will help you if you are really struggling with this pressure of being [00:14:00] positive all the time.  

 Healing won't happen without authenticity. Healing won't happen without you being honest to your emotions. So you really need to recognize your emotions. You know, before you can do anything with how you feel, you need to know how you feel. So sometimes you need to stop and ask yourself what's going on.

Why is my heart racing? Why am I feeling anxious? Why do I feel sick in the stomach? What's going on emotionally? You know? And am I tired? Am I sad? Am I holding things together to please others around me when all I wanna do is scream? So this isn't about fixing things, it's about recognizing your emotions, 

2, 

and then it's really about expressing those emotions, letting it out in [00:15:00] whatever ways work for you.

Venting to a girlfriend that helps writing things down, whatever works. Going for a walk as I do, and have a chat to my beautiful dog, Laurie. It's really about expressing those emotions and not bottling them up. 

3, 

it's about seeking support. You don't have to do all of this by yourself because sometimes being unwell is very lonely.

Lying in the hospital bed is very, very lonely. Reach out to someone who understands. Whether it's a friend, a support group, a you know, a therapist, me, DM me at Hurdle to Hope. If you're really struggling, remember Hurdle to hope with a number two,  

focus on what you can control because when we are [00:16:00] feeling out of control, when I'm lying in that hospital bed in my mid twenties. Petrified I weren't, wasn't ever gonna be able to move again in that moment. There was not much I could do about that. Wriggling my toes, as my neurologist said, wriggling them every couple of minutes is not gonna help my mental health.

Um, so he said, you know, this is a week by week thing. We need to compare how you're going week by week instead of you fretting hour by hour. So really focusing on what you can control,

and that might be okay. I can control things by, for example, me saying my amazing physio. Or I can control things by feeling a bit better within myself and eating a bit better or whatever it is. 

.

And then Five. give yourself permission to set [00:17:00] boundaries.

. If people are saying the wrong things about you, if they accidentally say, be positive you've got this, everything will be fine. Just mention that.

It doesn't help. Just mention, thank you for being here, but I really need to sit with my emotions today. Or can we talk about something else? I don't wanna talk about that with you. Whatever it is. Not being rude, but it's actually saying what you need from people in that moment.   

Okay, so I'm actually sitting here with a cup of tea and I'm feeling better after having a chat to myself because that's what I want this podcast to be about. You know, for some reason this really came up for me and I know if it's been something that's. It bothered me over the time. If I am [00:18:00] looking on social media and thinking, , this pressure, this pressure on people really going through such dark, tough times to be positive all the time, that's not fair to have that pressure on you because you're going through so much.

So whether you're living with a chronic illness or a different health condition, whether you are supporting someone who is.

Being positive definitely has its place. I know that having a positive outlook has helped me build momentum to keep moving forward through really, really dark times. It's definitely helped me embrace life in ways I never thought would be possible. But the thing is, positivity doesn't have to come at the expense of being real and true and authentic to your [00:19:00] feelings.

You're allowed to be optimistic, but at the same time, you're allowed to feel overwhelmed. You know, you can feel hopeful, but also be hurting. Be really upset. Be unhappy with how life is at the moment. So there's room for that spectrum of emotions. So if today things aren't going quite the way you hoped, I really want you to know that it's not becuase you haven't been positive, , or positive enough.

It's not because you're doing something wrong, and I encourage you to feel and explore the spectrum of emotions because in doing that, that's the way you heal,

and that's what I'm all about. You know, it's working through some of these topics that I talk about because [00:20:00] that instigates your healing. And as I keep saying, healing comes in all forms. You know, , I still struggle with my walking, but I'm healing.

But I wouldn't be healing if I didn't explore all my emotions.

So please, as I said, if you really struggling, please reach out. Also, don't forget, I have there ready and waiting for you. . The healing mindset, online experience. This, this is the type of thing, you know, I talk about through that course. And this is about how to instigate your healing through your mindset.

And when we talk about mindset, it's so much more than just being positive. Um, it's really, as I said, been authentic. Being dynamic in your mindset and knowing how to shift gears depending on what the situation is. So hopefully you got a lot [00:21:00] out of today's episode. One last ask. If you are not already, please follow Wellbeing Interrupted wherever you're listening to this right now.

It will really help me to attract more guests on the show. Also, share this episode if you know someone's struggling at the moment, that's what I want. These experiences I've had to do my younger self lying in the hospital bed back in the year 2000. What I learned back then has helped me in dealing with the big challenge of stage four breast cancer, but I want it to help others as well.

So please share Wellbeing Interrupted with whoever you think will benefit from this podcast. , have a great week and I look forward to chatting again soon. [00:22:00]