Season 2 Episode 2: Meet Steven Bouris: Life as a Nevus Owner and Resilience Warrior

 What does it mean to grow up visibly different? 

In this episode of The Hurdle2Hope® Show, I sit down with Steven Bouris, who was born with a Nevus (birthmark) on his forehead. For decades, he lived under constant stares and questions — often in silence. But everything began to shift when he finally shared his story, and discovered that vulnerability could lead to healing, connection, and purpose. 

This conversation highlights the weight of carrying unspoken pain, and how breaking the silence  even just once  can change everything. It’s a powerful reminder that the parts of us we often hide are exactly where our strength begins. 

If you LOVED this episode, share it to your Instagram stories and tag us @hurdle2hope 

KEY EPISODE TAKEAWAYS: 

• How one honest conversation can release years of hurt 
• A fresh lens on difference, identity, and resilience 
• Tools for navigating grief and emotional exhaustion 
• Why community is key to healing 

SHOW RESOURCES 

• Steven’s Website: www.stevenbouris.com 
• You can also watch on YouTube The Hurdle2Hope® Channel 

ABOUT THE GUEST 

Steven Bouris 
‘The Resilience Warrior.’ He understands what it means to live life face-on, full on, day in, day out. Born with a Nevus on his forehead, this former front-line Aircraft Maintenance Engineer, has battled significant problems and challenges, every step of the way. Steven’s authentic vulnerability and thought-provoking insights captivate his audience, cultivating change. 

If you liked this episode, don’t forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @hurdle2hope! 

Other than that, enjoy - chat next week! 

Unexpected hurdles interrupt all of our lives. It is how you respond that will define your experience.

To find out how Hurdle2Hope can support you or your organisation please visit hurdle2hope.com.

I would love to connect with you, Teisha.

Also, are you following @hurdle2hope on social media... I would love to see you there!

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Transcript

Teisha Rose: [00:00:00] Hey there, Teisha here and welcome to The Hurdle2Hope® Show. This is my first outside episode introduction. Um, and as I said last week, I really want to share with you how. Our property here at Daisy Hill and yeah, so hopefully you get to feel some of this beautiful energy I've taken you to, and I'll turn it around.

This is one of my favorite, or my favorite spot, uh, our property. This is where I, when we first drove in, you come up over a little bit of a ridge and then you see this. View, this is where I sit when I'm wanting to take a breath, have a bit of meditation, you know, listen to the sounds around me. I absolutely love it here, but I'll come back to you here now.

Um, today's episode. Is another incredible story. I'm really excited to share this with you. This is the first interview I've done. [00:01:00] I've been interviewing lots of women, um, not really intentionally, but that's just how it's happened, whereas I'm speaking to Steven Bouris. Steven has an incredible story. He has lived his entire life with a Nevus.

I'd never heard of a Nevus before, but that is a birthmark. And just think about what impact having a big birthmark on his forehead, what that means when you are growing up. , And yeah, some of the challenges that. Brings with it. So I really hope you enjoy this chat. Steven has an incredible story. He's, he'll share it with you, but you know he's gone from someone three years ago who'd never spoken or shared the trauma he'd experienced growing up with a Nevus to someone who is now. Keynote speaking. He's speaking on stages. He's sharing his story on podcasts like this one. Um, and it's an incredible [00:02:00] testament to how far you can come in your healing when you Yeah. Wanna dig a little bit deeper. And anyway, I won't spoil it because Steven, as I said, has an incredible story.

I hope you enjoy it and I will be back. After he has a chat, , with some other information. Okay? Enjoy the chat.

 [00:03:00] So welcome Steven. Thank you so much for joining us on The Hurdle2Hope® Show Thanks for having me, Teisha. It's, it's, I'm excited to be here. Very excited. Excellent. For, and just to let people in a little bit, where are we chatting to you from and Yeah, just, um, give us a little bit of insight into who you are, what makes you happy in life.

Yeah. Well, I'm coming from, I'm in Melbourne. I'm in a little suburb called Maidstone, which is inner northwest of, of Melbourne next to West Footscray in, uh, Melbourne on. Uh, I grew up in Kilo, so I've been in the inner West, um, most of my life. Mm-hmm. I'm, uh, got two teenage boys. I'm a single bachelor with two teenage boys, Nicholas and Alexander.

So they're, um, turning 16 and 14 in the next couple weeks. And, uh, my passion, I love being outdoors in nature. Definitely my ultimate sanctuary is the [00:04:00] forest, especially when there's water or a stream or waterfall flowing through. That's definitely. My haven place. So, um, my timeout is definitely time in nature that I just try and switch off and recharge and reenergize and yeah, love connecting.

Wow. So as lots of my listeners will know, I'm sitting in a caravan, but I am surrounded by state forest. Yeah. No waterfalls, but we're, yeah. So even just before this recording, I just went for a little walk just to breathe it in and relax and all. So yes. So we're very aligned like that. Fantastic. Yeah. No, it's, it's definitely how I switch off.

Yeah. Yeah. It's getting out, getting away from the hustle and bustle. And just, yeah, ab absolutely. And especially being inner city. Yes, I can. Um, yes, not many state forests around there. So for those not living in Australia. That's right. Sort of inner city Melbourne. Um, so we're down the bottom and I'm sort of in the middle of the, the same state, but yeah, a couple of [00:05:00] hours away.

Yeah. Beautiful. So just I guess what I'm having you on here for today. Yes. A word that I didn't even know existed until I, um, met you and I should take it back a step. Steven and I were both met last year. We're both part of the perf. Professional Speakers Australia Academy. Um, both really wanting to start our career more with, um, professional speaking, keynote speaking.

So that's where our paths crossed being, um, involved. And Steven, probably more so with the Professional Speakers Association. Victorian chapter. It's lots of words. Yes, it is a country. So I've met a few times. Um, so we're on a similar path. Um, so yeah, so just to give some context, but I didn't know that Steven liked state forests and waterfalls, so I'm learning things as we go.

Um, so, but why I really want to get you on the show is a lot of people have been on about talking about. [00:06:00] Difference and what difference means and body image. Mm-hmm. And for you, that difference has been a birthmark on your face, which is called a Nevus. Is that right? Nevus? Yep. Nevus. Sorry. Nearly, nearly, nearly.

No, no, that's all good. The new words for society. So it's getting it out there and getting familiarity. That's it. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So actually just quickly before we move on to or move back to your childhood, um, what is Nevus? So, okay, so I was born with the rare. Skin disease and it's, uh, titled Congenital melon.

Acidic Nevus. So congenitals from birth. Mm-hmm. Melan Acidic is a melanin deposit, which is the pigment, brown pigment of the skin, uh, the melanin in the skin. And nevus is the medical term for birthmark. Right. Um, but yeah, nevus is the short term that we use instead of the CNM for the, the condition. Um, yeah.

And it can be, it's a genetic mutation. . So it's not hereditary, so it randomly pops up in. Uh, children's lives, [00:07:00] babies' lives when they're born and it's about 1% of the population, uh, get it, but large and giant is a lot smaller than that. Okay. Approximately 0.005% or one in 20,000 for large and giant can go from one to one in 50,000 to one in 500,000.

So, you know, I guess quite rare. Um, yes, but only facials only about 15%. So a lot of people can have hidden on their bodies and people don't see and don't know, and they present similar challenges, but then very different challenges altogether 'cause they can't be visibly seen. Yeah. So if we then go back to your childhood, I'm assuming having something that makes you stand out and be different to the other children around you, that must have had a massive impact on you at school socially.

Can you talk us through some of that? Yeah. I'm one of three boys, so one of three brothers. So I was always everywhere. I went around with my brothers. Um, [00:08:00] but yeah, I was the only one with the birthmark. And it was when I started getting probably to an age of five or six, when I started becoming aware of my surroundings and different people and whatnot.

I really started to notice my difference because that's it, my birthmarks on my forehead. It couldn't be hidden. And I attracted attention. Um, people staring. People talking about me amongst themselves and even people approaching me. Um, and asking what happened to your head. And especially being a young child, that was, I became overwhelming because it's not just about happening once here and there happened all the time.

Right? And it came so much that as a child, every time I went out, I was actually on high alert. Looking at people, looking at me, looking for those that were staring at me, looking at those were pointing, you know, you get kids, mommy, mommy, mommy. Look at that man. Like, you know, I had a little child the other day, you got some brown things, [00:09:00] something brown in your head like, you know, and children are innocent and I get it.

But as a youngster, when you're absorbing all that and getting adults and people approaching you all the time. You start questioning, is there something wrong with me? Like, you know, there's only so many times people can tell you what, what happened to your head or what's wrong with your head? It's like, well, nothing happened to me.

I was just born like this. And you start internalizing and you taking it, you take it as something wrong with you. Yeah. And my brothers didn't get the attention, so it was all about me getting this attention. , And I just got very uncomfortable, especially meeting new people because I didn't know where.

Questions were gonna come out when the next person was gonna approach me and come up to me, what they were gonna ask, because I got asked and told the most random things, right? So I'd actually go out guarded and on high alert, anticipating when the next person was gonna approach me, which was depleting.

And it, it , consumed a lot of my mind, [00:10:00] you know, and then there's, there's instances that you just, they're not one-off ins. They just accumulate and compound on top of each other. And you start. You know, I lost my self confidence, , thinking that there must be something wrong with me 'cause I'm not like everybody else.

. , And then there was bigger incidences later on, , they all accumulate and you just start internalizing and not meeting others like me being a rare disease, , not meeting others like me. I felt like I was the only on the planet with this condition and, and going through this stuff.

, Which left me feeling quite alone. And you can explain so much, especially as a child. , But then when you can't find others that relate to you, you, you, you do feel different, very different. Yeah, absolutely. And at school and all. I can just imagine how cruel kids could be. Um, or did you end up having some good friends?

Sort of, that protected you a bit. It was good. You had two brothers, so I'm assuming that helps. It did, uh, I mean, [00:11:00] kids in general were okay. Like it wasn't so much kids. There was, there were bigger incidences that occurred that were stemmed from adults, um, that had a bigger impact on me than the kids.

, It was more so I said a lot of it, you know, with mental illness and stuff, you go into your head, you know, and a couple in, you have a couple incidences, and then you start internalizing and your mind goes down this dark rabbit hole and everything that comes up in life you attach to this happened because of my birthmark.

That that was everything was related back to my birthmark. So kids in general? Yeah, I had good, I had some close friends. I was actually more comfortable with, with the ladies, more than the, with the guys. I think probably just, um, 

Teisha Rose: We're friendlier. 

Steven Bouris: Yeah. There's less judgment.

Um, I felt more comfortable in, amongst the girls, a lot more closer female friends than male friends. And then there was, I mean, males, I knew there was gonna be talking behind my [00:12:00] back. , And that's the thing also, when there's, you know, there's talking behind your back and it's not to your face, your mind wonders what people are talking about.

Yeah. And, um, you know, what's going on. 'cause you start getting glimpses and you start getting some Chinese whispers of stuff coming through and it just, it does hurt your, um, your self-confidence. And then also, I, I was a placid, I was a very placid, uh, a boy. . I wasn't a physical big boy or, or a solid build and like that.

I was a very quiet and reserved and I probably in, I internalized a lot more and suppressed a lot more. And as a child, my coping mechanism actually was to suppress everything. So I didn't open up and share a lot of things with anybody else. I got to a point where I just, you know, I think do what a lot of males do.

We just carry the burdens and think, I'm just gonna be strong. I'm gonna soul draw and I'm gonna keep going. , And not let it affect me. So I tried to, to just suppress everything that came my way. Mm-hmm. [00:13:00] And just soldier on. .

And when you talk about, um, I read somewhere that disempowerment was a theme, um, through, and that I'm assuming, you know, you put the words to it now when you are younger, but at also through your teens and twenties. Is that, was that like, how did that play out? Yeah. Well it's not that how I looked at it at the time.

Like for me. For me, in my eyes, my life was normal. Right? Being stared at getting all this attention, , being anxious about meeting new people, that was normal for me. Right? So it wasn't till later in life when I looked back that I realized all that anxiety, all that anticipation, all that energy consuming.

Worrying about what other people's seeing, what about their thinking? All that isn't normal, I mean, like, you know, fearing, meeting new people, being in crowds, worrying about being approached. When you went out in public, that was [00:14:00] normal, but most other people don't encounter that. And so for me, when I look back, the disempowerment was that, and how I interpret disempowerment is that I allowed everybody else's behavior.

And their actions to alter how I felt about myself. 

Teisha Rose: Yeah, 

Steven Bouris: right. That allow it, I, I started worrying about there must be something wrong with me. I'm different, I'm broken. I'm not, I'm not good enough. I don't fit in. I'm the black sheep. So it's not so much that I had a physical problem with my birthmark, but the challenges my Nevus presented me with made me start to not like myself.

I started hating my birthmark 'cause attention. It was attracting. My brothers didn't get this attention. I did. The only difference between me and everyone else was my Nevus and my birthmark. And so that disempowerment was , other people influencing how I felt about myself, [00:15:00] right? My low self-esteem, my low self-confidence.

Meeting new people is horrible, especially when you start going through teenage years and looking at relationships and, and, and whatnot. You know, I had a lot of female friends but didn't have relationships. It's like, well, what's the difference? Only difference between a friendship and relationship intimacy and that chemistry, right?

Um, so obviously internally went, it's gonna be my physical appearance that is turning people away. And you start, and you know, so that, that's where the disempowerment was. It was everyone else. I felt everyone else was responsible. If everyone else changed how they saw me, then I would feel better about myself, which is being disempowered because then.

By relying on others to tell us how we feel. We're not in any control over that. And then I also rely on other people to make me feel good about myself, not just me feel bad. So that's where a lot of my life I spent disempowered because everyone else's eyes and perception and my perception of [00:16:00] it hindered how I felt about myself.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's a really good insight for lots of us, is that we are internalizing and worried about what other people think and then that reflects how you're feeling. And I certainly haven't had to deal with a Nevus, but in MS makes you different, you know, you walk different, you get the stares and , you're right, the, uh, a little story on the weekend, uh, a friend's little 3-year-old daughter asked Andrew, my partner, why he's living with his mother, because I've now got gray hair and using the walker, and she thought I was grandma.

And I'm like, oh, so, but. It's innocent remarks and that's absolutely fine. We just laughed about it. But it is, isn't it, in terms of what people's perceptions are, and I could have, that could have made me feel really upset and not being as confident. Well, I think that's, I mean, and what you are sharing and well I'm sharing now is [00:17:00] I wasn't always like this about my nevus right up until three years ago.

I didn't actually talk about it all together. 

, I had my first conversation with my brothers when we were in our forties. Um, my kids were 11 and 13 when I had my first conversation with them about my birthmark, right? So it wasn't something I was co, I wasn't confident talking about it because it had so much pain and triggers with it.

So me being able to talk about it is because the work I've done. To release a lot of that hurt and pain that was built up that I carried for over 40 years. , And now that's why I can joke about it is because I've done the work to release the past. And a big warning sign for me now is that I talk about people.

If you are being triggered by something someone else says, it's actually a gift to say that, hey, there's something beneath the surface that you could possibly work on to not be triggered by it because. It's not necessarily someone's intention to trigger you. 

Teisha Rose: Yeah. [00:18:00] 

Steven Bouris: Right. And so now I do look at it as a gift if I am triggered.

Um, but yeah, when I can bring humor to it, I know there's no trigger there. So I've done the work's been done, which is a cool, it's a cool reframe I think for people. We look at it as someone else has said this, and this is really mean. And I don't take away from what everyone else says or, or does. Right.

But that's not for us to carry. The gift, the gift that they're giving us is an opportunity to heal wounds that we aren't aware, that haven't been healed or causing pain, right? To possibly remove from the disempowered state when it's someone else to fix. It's a disempowered state, but when we can look at ourselves and say, well, hey, hang on a second.

Why is it triggering me? What's being triggered? If I can work on that, that is the empowered state because then other people can't shift how we feel. Right. And that's, that's the gift in that, and that's the work that I try and do and share with people because that is, but you know, no one [00:19:00] else has changed in the world, right?

With my attention that I attract and people looking at me or coming up to me. But I've changed, and that's where I, yeah, we can joke about it. I can share some stories and there's some, you know, some, some traumatic stories in there too. But then shed some light and, and laugh about it and have a bit of a joke about it.

But yeah, five years ago I couldn't do that. Yeah. And that's, that's the work in, and I'm sure that's the work you've done to get, to be able to talk about it openly without being emotional and triggered. Yeah, absolutely. And a couple of things there. I want to go into some of the work that you've done, but let's share with everyone, because for 17 years you worked in aircraft maintenance engineering.

Yeah. So I'm assuming in that. Male dominated. Oh, yes. Um, yeah, field then exploring some of this and doing some of that work would not have been, um, aligned to what your environment was as opposed to what you're doing now. [00:20:00] So yeah, take us through that. You know, did you think that sort of stagnated some of your healing being in that environment?

Oh, definitely. It was funny that I chose, I mean, I actually look back at it now and look at it. It was funny that I chose. I chose to troubleshoot and, and deal with aircraft because you know what? They don't talk back. Right? There's, there's, there's minimal human interaction. Uh, altogether it was more troubleshooting problems.

It was focused on the job, it was technical based, , ideas and skills. So you just always problem solving and it's just, it's just a repeat cycle, a dynamic cycle that keeps evolving. You don't see an aircraft on the ground for 90 minutes. So I worked at the international terminal. Okay. So I looked after aircraft as though in transit.

So they came into me, flew into Melbourne, did our inspections and checks that we needed to do, and safely sent it on its way if it was safe enough to send. Otherwise, we had to kick in the gear and fix whatever needed to be fixed. So I was at constant problem solving on the go scenario, [00:21:00] and I, I didn't, I wasn't around people, so it was very, it actually internalized me even further.

And being in a male dominated environment. Also, it was just suppress everything. You got soldier on, like an aircraft pick up, get your stuff together, solve it, fix it, send it, and keep moving forward to the next thing. And that's actually how I dealt with my emotions and challenges. I just squashed them and just kept trying to soldier forward to the next one, to the next thing, to the next thing until I eventually my body said, no enough's enough.

Yeah. And so did it sort of come to a head pretty quickly? I, I was, I was at work inspecting an aircraft when I just, so I was inspecting an aircraft, aircraft just arrived. 

Teisha Rose: Mm-hmm. 

Steven Bouris: And I realized through the inspection that something wasn't right and I couldn't, I just, I came to a grinding halt that I actually physically couldn't push myself any further.[00:22:00] 

Teisha Rose: Okay. 

Steven Bouris: Um, so I approached one of my colleagues, let him know what was going on. Um, and I, he sent me home. We went, I went home, um, because it wasn't, it wasn't a safe, safe for me to be there and, and whatnot. So they, you know, the guys took care of the aircraft and I, I, I left. Um, and it wasn't, I, it was five months after I stopped work that I was diagnosed with insomnia.

Burnout, PTSD, triggering anxiety and depression. So the whole mental illness, kitchen sink came, I got thrown. Yeah. Yeah. Um, wasn't expecting it. I just thought I was another, going through the motions, like just life. I had a young family. I just thought this was just what life was. 

Teisha Rose: Yeah. You know, 

Steven Bouris: um, but yeah, I pushed myself that far that I felt like I broke my body.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, and then from there, so, because a lot of people for different reasons get to that breaking point. Yeah. You know, and life as you know and has to change and it's forced to change. Yes. So then just talk us through what, what did you [00:23:00] do? Like, did you reach out for help? Could you find help?

Yeah. What was that like? It was challenging. So I was never getting a separation at the time as well. Oh, okay. Um, so I lost, like, I lost my identity. You know, I think as, I mean, statistics show that men do carry a lot of their, their belief in who they, their identity in their occupation, their profession.

Like, and I lost, I wasn't a engineer anymore. I wasn't a husband anymore. Who, who am I now? Like if you take my accolades away, I'm just me. Oh my gosh. Like, I'm not comfortable just being me 'cause. I think for me also, I, my accolades, I had proud, I was a proud father, I was a proud husband, I was a proud, um, engineer.

Teisha Rose: Yeah. But 

Steven Bouris: with those removed, I was mean my own skin and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. 

Teisha Rose: Right. 

Steven Bouris: Um, that, you know, and yeah, it was very challenging and I wasn't aware of what's going on. This was happened, this happened 2015, so mental illness and mental health wasn't. [00:24:00] Such a big topic back then. 

Teisha Rose: Yeah, yeah, that's true.

And 

Steven Bouris: it wasn't, wasn't spoken of. So that's why it took five months before I was even diagnosed. , And how did I, I had to go to recovery with the insomnia was Yeah. It was horrific. Like it got worse before it got better. I'm talking, having two hours sleep at night, waking up more tired than I was before I went to bed.

Yeah. And what was hindering me was I still had this ability to put masks on. To cover up to show everybody else. I was okay, but no one saw what was happening on behind closed doors. You know, that struggles of getting outta bed, that battle in your head just to yeah, get outta bed and put a smile on your face and get dressed and, and get out for, go out for the day.

, People would look at me and the problem was they see me as, you look the same as you did five years ago and the same as you did last week. You don't, people can't see any difference when it comes to mental illness. Right. So you just get looked at as, hey, you can just continue going as normal. What's, and you start, I started judging [00:25:00] myself, Hey, I'm middle age.

I'm in my thirties. I should be at work. I started feeling bad because of, you know, I could function to a capacity, but not to how I used to. , So no, in the beginning I actually didn't realize the help I needed. , I just continued trying to soldier on. Again, the shift work. I got di you know, the shift work got removed.

So I thought, okay, well shift work's removed. I got, my employment, got terminated 'cause of my condition, my health condition. , So I was like, all right, shift work's removed. I'm gonna get better now. Everything will be okay. So I went with that similar mentality, keep soldiering forward. And then, , it got me so far until I started spiraling again down, I started pushing my body to limits that it wasn't healing and fixing itself again.

I. And I was like, nah, I've, I've given a second chance. I'm not gonna get a third. I mean, I got to the point where I realized that if I don't change my wave drastically, I'm not gonna be around much longer. Life's gonna just take me out this time. [00:26:00] So I actually had to walk away. I was still trying to hover around the, the, uh, the boy's mom and the business and other things going on, and I was like, nah, I need a clean slate.

I need to, I need to terribly stop what I'm doing and start over. I was trying to re, I spent five years trying to repair, but I was like, nah, repairings not working. Bandaids aren't fixing it. So I needed a clean slate. So I actually stopped what I was doing and walked away from everything. , And that started shifting.

And then I met. An amazing person who saw behind my masks, saw through all my masks. And one day whilst I was at the airport, she witnessed a young girl staring at me. Mm-hmm. And people don't realize it, but I usually manage it without everyone else around me knowing it. Right. Um, but this little girl couldn't take her eyes off me.

And so my friend witnessed what my partner at the time witnessed what was going on. , And then later that night she asked me. What was your childhood like growing up with your birthmark [00:27:00] and I got overwhelmed with emotion and all these memories started flooding back and yeah, I got quite emotional and it surprised me, but then it didn't because she was the first person over 40 years to ask me about my personal experiences.

Right. And I did. I, with my comfort with her, I opened up and shared things I hadn't talked about for decades. Secrets that no one knew about. . And I did. I felt this lightness in me and I, I could breathe a lot easier. And she told, she encouraged me to open up to my parents and my parents didn't know about 90% of my life.

Like it was all, there was a secret. , And I opened up to, as daunting as it was with her support, I opened up to them. And my parents are absolutely shocked by how much about of my life. They didn't know about how much I kept to myself. . But in opening up, I found this freedom in me and like this, this liberation.

I felt this [00:28:00] lightness and that felt incredible. And I was like, my gosh, this feeling amazing. I want to continue feeling like this. I don't want to go back to hiding and suppressing. And as I opened up, I was getting support from those around me that I'd never experienced before in my life. And yeah, that just opened up the doorway that I just couldn't return.

So I just started talking about my challenges and my stuff more and more, and a different person actually emerged and I was really liking the person that emerged. And um, yeah, that's how it started. And that was only, that was only three, three and a half years ago. Wow, that's amazing. And so that door was open and you've obviously kept going and evolving, um, through that door.

So you haven't sort of gone backwards this time. No. Well, I, it's actually you actually, um, I couldn't go back. I felt this freedom that I didn't want to go back to suppressing and hiding. And also through the work that I've been doing with [00:29:00] myself, that led me to writing my book, which I un when I wrote my book, I unpacked all of my traumas, all my past and lived, lived it, lived through it as a 4-year-old.

So I processed it as a mature, you know, mature adult. , And I realized whilst doing all that work that I was ashamed of myself and I was ashamed of my appearance. And with that came shame. And the shame silenced me. Right. Um, and then I felt that the mental illness fed off the silence. Right. They that silence.

Right. It's 

Teisha Rose: true. Yeah. 

Steven Bouris: So I realized with realizing that I, I felt, well, if I can talk about it, there's no shame behind it. . And then mental illness can't feed off it. So with that empathy and with that love and nurturing, well, I prevent those things taking me down those dark rabbit holes on my own.

Yeah, so that's the reframe that I've used is like, well, if I can talk about it, there's no shame attachment. [00:30:00] Fantastic. , Bring it on. And then mental illness can't take over. Yeah, that's great though. I think that's beautiful for everyone, Steven, that um, sort of take in terms of mental illness, feeding off that silence.

Yeah. Because that does encourage you , to speak up and to seek support. So that's beautiful way of saying that. Yeah, and that's what I felt. Help me. I mean, the support I've received, I, I felt I carried most of my journey in my own, through my life. No one could understand, no one else understood.

, But by opening up and sharing my gosh, there's so many beautiful people out here I didn't even know because I was so guarded and protected from, I, I kept everybody else at bay. It wasn't so much everyone else was staying at bay, but I was shielding them away.

My defense mechanisms was actually also stopping me getting the love and nurture that I needed as well. You know, so those barriers protected me, but they also hindered the journey as well. , And that's what I, yeah. Share with people that yes, [00:31:00] isolating and restricting an internal line will get you so far.

And sometimes you do need that to get out of some situations. But if you stay there, you actually hinder as well. , So yeah, being more open and sharing has brought so much beauty into my life. Yeah, that's beautiful. That's really beautiful. And I think then, , you are become a lot more purpose driven and in what you're doing as well, which is fantastic.

So. In terms of letting people know, you know, what's, what's life like now? , It's three years since that door opened. What type of things are you doing to align more with the purpose you have? Yeah, so, um, that started with, as I opened up, I thought, you know what, if I could just help one person as I, that's what I wanted to look at.

I wanna help one person any more than that was too overwhelming for me. , That, and that's what led me to writing my book. And then that led me to reaching out to organizations and, and people to try and find like-minded people or [00:32:00] similar-minded people. And I actually reached out to an organization in the US uh, Nevus Outreach, they're called, , and they support, uh, the Nevus community, right?

So families with birthmarks, parents, children, the whole way, the whole cycle through. And I shared with them a bit of my story and offered to speak at their upcoming conference and they accepted that. And so I traveled to the US last year, , and attended my first event. And at 43 I met other nevus owners.

. Which was, it was insane, right to, to in a space for a couple hours. I met a, from a three month old to a 72-year-old, , and there was nine, there was 92 nevus owners at that. At that conference. So not having met anyone to be surrounded by 92 other people that look like you can understand your journey and their families who can also understand it was life changing, right?

It was just, it was an amazing experience and yeah, I realized I wasn't alone. I had this supportive community around me [00:33:00] just being there and speaking openly about it. I just started realizing the power and strength of a community. Which was something I never, I never felt that comfortable in around people that I'd known my whole life, um, that had traveled internationally on my own and to, to found, find a communal environment that I found my tribe.

I found one of my crew, like PSA as well. I found another one there. I realized life's not meant to be done on your own. Like it's so much, there's so much more strength with support and community. And I came back to Australia. And wanted to continue this work. I realized that, you know what I mean, fear did come up, right.

I'm not saying that I had, I'm pushing my boundaries every step of the way to come out. It hasn't been, it hasn't been an easy ride. It's been challenging, but I've loved the challenge and overcoming the challenges. , And I realized that, well, [00:34:00] I can run and hide because my fear was telling me to hide. Or I can turn what the lessons I've learned into positive and make a difference in everyone else's lives.

So I met a three month old with a facial, nevus Levi, his name was. Mm-hmm. Um, and I really connected, there's a connection with seeing a three month old with a facial Nevus similar to mine, and I could understand his journey ahead, and he really inspired me to realize, well, you know what, if I actually don't do something, then his life might be just as challenging as mine was.

And I was like, well, I'm in my forties. There is now a strength in me that I can actually do something differently and possibly make a difference in the younger generation's lives. So let's try and turn my challenges and adversity into the greatest gift I've ever been given. , And towards the, of the year, I started getting support around me.

When I came back to Australia with PSA. They're helping me find my confidence in speaking and getting out there. And whatnot, which was a challenge. 'cause I wasn't a confident person. [00:35:00] I wasn't born confident at all, and I wasn't, I wasn't an extrovert either. Like, people don't realize that, but yeah. , And I started getting a team around me and support, and one of my mentors said to me, Steve, have you thought about opening a foundation in Australia?

And I said, I have, but I don't know how to do it. And I'm frightened and I don't even where to begin. And he goes, well, I can help you with it. , and he was a, an amazing businessman, had been in business and opened several foundations. He goes, I've opened many so I can help guide you if that's what you wanna do.

I said, you know what with you by my side? , Yep, let's do it. So we started the Nevus Australasia Foundation, and we're in the process of setting that up to give back to the community to help guide parents with newborns through to adulthood. With not only the condition, the nevus, the challenges of the medical part of the, the condition, because there is also other medical complications that can be associated with the nevus, not just the physical, , but also the mental health aspect of it.[00:36:00] 

For me, I've understood that mental illness associated with it, that journey of isolation alone, other people not being able to relate. So that's, that's really driven me to make a difference and turn my challenges into something positive and. Make a difference for the rest, you know, for society and, and build awareness so that people like yourself, amazing people that aren't aware of the condition.

The more we build up awareness, the less stigma there is attached. It's all about education. I think for me, it's, people weren't asking me what happened to your head because they wanted to inflict harm. They weren't educated. Yeah. So it's like, you know what? With this foundation not only help the community dealing with it, but then build an awareness in society.

So that to help everybody getting behind and help support and raise awareness, so hey, like, oh, that's a nevus. There's no big deal about that. That's, you know, I don't need to worry about it. With education builds awareness and that builds support. Oh yeah. I had a guy's story, what his challenge were [00:37:00] growing up.

Yeah. It must be tough for you, you know? Yeah. You, you look different. People see you different, and that's, it. Just deescalates when people can connect and understand the, the challenges one faced. Rare diseases are less than 3% to be classified as a rare disease, I think it affects less than 3% of the population.

Wow. Right. Yeah. So giant, large and giant. They're, , one in 20,000 to one in 500,000. . Which is, um, my, you, I minuscule amount, but huge impact. But I think all of it, the mental health aspect of mental illness. The same attributes in all the physical differences or challenges. They're all related similarly in internally in our minds process the same.

Yeah. No, that's, and even language, like I noticed when you're talking about the, , conference you went to, you mentioned nevus owners, is that what you said? Mm-hmm. Is so that's what you, how you talk about it? Yeah. So we refer to as nevus owners, and then we have support Nevus [00:38:00] supporters. So they're the people that are getting around the community and supporting.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just, , it's how it's terms that the community used to identify, uh, because as I said, people with body nevi. Nevi is multiple. So nevus is singular. Nevi is multiple. . But like yourself, if you had a, nevus on your body, even in this interview, we couldn't see. 

.

Steven Bouris: . So even when you're face to face with people, you can't associate with them being a nevus owner. 'cause they, , represent that I'm a owner. Yeah. I've got on my body, my trunk, my torso, my back, whatever, wherever it is. And yeah, they can't all physically be seen, so yeah, it's just identifying that. I'm a nevas owner as well, and it helps the community identify with, who's who. That's amazing. Three years since that door opened. Yeah. And you left sort of engineering and reinvented yourself and now, . To be doing that and then to create a foundation. That's amazing. And how Purpose Driven aligned is that, and you brushed over quickly and another massive thing [00:39:00] is in relation to a book.

So your editing, you mentioned before a book that you've written. So how did that come to be? Because I'm thinking three years ago it wasn't on your, it wasn't, it's it's a funny, it's another funny story. , My friend partner at the time, she was living in Sydney. And I was actually driving home, had come up, I was driving home, I was just chatting with her on the phone.

I was like, what do you wanna do with your life? Because my aviation career ended, that was 2016. Um, and I was just, I had some things in between, but nothing purposeful. I loved my aviation career. 

Teisha Rose: , I 

Steven Bouris: loved what I did, but I still hadn't come across the same purpose and, and love because like, I don't wanna do it for, I don't wanna do something just profession for just money and the currency exchange and whatever.

It didn't feel right. And. she asked, what do you want to do? And I was just driving home from Sydney across the blank, the middle of Australia, you know, just looking at grass and fields and it was like, you know what? I wanna write a book. [00:40:00] 'cause I want to share my journey with others and possibly make a difference in someone else's life.

Like to not make others, spend 40 years of their lives trying to find freedom. Like I'd spent. 

. 

And that's where it started. The idea, I mean, I was an engineer. I wasn't thinking about writing. I didn't even like English as a subject, right? So it was the last thing I thought, but it just felt a great way for me to get, get things out and, and, , share.

And she said, you know what? It would be very therapeutic for you to actually hand write it first. So I just started, , pushing myself and started, I handwrote it all first. And then it, I felt it was so therapeutic for me and so healing because I lived through, through mature eyes as well. It unpacked all the past.

'cause I hadn't processed everything yet. , , the book, uh, which is diff book's gonna be called different. Mm-hmm. Um, and, but yeah, that should be hopefully the released in the new year that should be finished and ready to be released. Then that led me to finding, speaking.

I was like, you know what? I should get confident speaking because with my book [00:41:00] going out there, I've gotta get more confident speaking. So that just led to, that led to me finding PSA and the speaking journey. 

Teisha Rose: Yeah, it's amazing. Um, and the 

Steven Bouris: journey's just, I didn't plan this journey. It wasn't a plan, it just, I unraveled and I took one step at a time.

I mean. If I went back to the beginning and, and you told me you're gonna write a book, you're gonna get on stage, you're gonna travel the world and speak, um, in front of global audiences, I would've ran away and hit and hid, right? It's just way too much. So for me, it was just a step of the process at a time that just kept unraveling and I just dealt with one part at a time and kept pushing my, uh, feeling good, opening up, feeling good, finding my confidence.

And as those things, the journey progressed and evolved as my confidence evolved and as I was ready to. Because I think in the beginning, especially when you're dealing with mental health challenges and mental illness, lots of big things can be overwhelming. So taking little steps one at a time and not beating, you know, not not comparing myself to anyone else.

This is my journey. Have I progressed in the [00:42:00] last three months, six months? Yes. Then I'm winning. Right? I mean, especially in today's day and age with social media, we compare ourselves to everybody else. , Which is a, a big no no. 'cause it can hinder us. It's like, no, I'm advancing, I'm taking small steps and I'm getting towards my goal and I'm, I'm happy with that.

. So for me, last year as I launched my, my business, I made my first so ever social media post. Right. And that was huge. It might've been small for a lot of people in this world, but for me it was huge. I was putting a photo of me, I was putting my website. It was all me. I was fully exp I felt fully exposed.

. It was my face everywhere. , And when people hear my story, there's, there's traumas with photos and all that sort of stuff in the past, but that was a big step for me and I had to acknowledge that was huge and it was okay for me to, , take some time to process having my face out there.

Right. , And not being afraid. Yeah. So it is overcoming all these little steps and that's what it's all about. I think it's, you know, taking these little steps and the journey kept unraveling and just. [00:43:00] It's strapping in for a ride, enjoying where it goes. You know, that's, that's the exciting part. I don't know where it's going in 12 months.

I didn't plan a foundation originally. I would've loved it, but I didn't think it was possible. , But then opening up and sharing it with people, the support that's come around me and gotten behind me has been incredible. So this wave just keeps going. So it's like, you know what? I don't know where it's gonna be in five years time, because the momentum and the wave that's gonna come through, well, I hope it's gonna be huge.

And if it's helping people, I'm excited. Yep. Amazing, Steven. Amazing. So if people wanna get in contact with you, what's the best way to do that? And we're talking about the foundation, so how they can find out about that, but also in terms of you, and you've got a flash new website with lots of photos on it, so being there, researching you.

Um, so yeah, if you can share some of those, we'll put them in the show notes as well. Yeah, because I think it's really important for, if anyone's with a nevus going [00:44:00] through, but even if we don't, you know, it's the lessons learned about embracing difference and moving forward. Yeah. That it is. And that's what I've realized is that the nevus for me is a trigger, right?

Teisha Rose: Yeah. 

Steven Bouris: When I've looked into the mental illness part of it, the, it is just a physical trigger. The, the goings on in the mind are all similar and relatable. So yeah, I've got my website, which is stevenbouris.com, and that's, that's where you can find me and my, my journey more about me. What's coming up?

I'm still getting used to updating the website and what not. I'm still, I wasn't a tech person at all. But then I've got my social media. You can find me on LinkedIn and Facebook. That's where I do a lot of my articles. I write articles on LinkedIn so you can connect with me through LinkedIn and on Facebook.

I'm promoting there 'cause it's, it is a global, uh, following and families were related. Uh, following us there, the foundation is still in the setup stages, so we haven't launched, we are building our branding at the, working on our branding at the moment actually. . So best to connect with me at the moment.

All my fellows [00:45:00] are connecting through me at the moment. And, uh, others on the committee, on the board. Uh, and, uh, we will be releasing the notifications through LinkedIn, my website, and my Facebook to share. Um, we've got an event coming up which will be in Melbourne in October, 18th of October. Gonna be in Melbourne, our next family picnic and gathering for nevus owners in Melbourne.

Teisha Rose: Okay, great. 

Steven Bouris: Um, that's coming up, but yeah, through my socials. And as we launch the foundation, we'll be announcing all that stuff. So best to connect with me for now, um, purely to find it and as all the other trickling on information will be released as that, uh, presents and comes through, follows through.

Excellent. Very exciting. That's so good. Thanks. Um, and you've done so much and I think, yeah, I'm really glad that we, 'cause we've said hi and you know, a couple of things at some of the events, but you don't sit down and really find out about different people's stories. Um, so yeah, I'm know that you'll make such a difference.

And as I said, it's not just about the [00:46:00] shared experience of a Nevus. It's that shared experience of worrying about what other people think, feeling different and internalizing that. Yeah. And then confronting triggers, because we're all triggering for some reason, but use that as a sign of what you need to work on.

So I love that. Yeah. It's a powerful reframe that has definitely helped me shift my life. , when we're blaming on others, that that is the disempowerment that we spoke of. But if you can find a way to shift your internal dialogue, your reframe of thinking, to think, okay, that's come up.

How can I turn that into a positive? What's the, what's the lesson I've gotta learn and grow from it? , It's such a powerful tool that just allows us to keep, to keep growing and thriving.

Yeah. Perfect, perfect. Thank you so much for your time. I've really enjoyed our chat. I've enjoyed getting to know you more. I'll have, as I mentioned, everything in the show notes so people can connect because yeah, if this message can get out to [00:47:00] people in relation to dealing with difference, a great name for your book.

It's such a good name, different, , so yeah, we really look forward to watching that and. As I mentioned to you, this is the first series we've done on YouTube so people can have a, have a look at both of us. Really. Yeah. Um, but that's good because as you said, that's normalizing things. , And the thinking.

Yeah. We're all, we're all the same. And I've already had two guests, one with Alopecia, , and also like myself, gone through cancer and have a double mastectomy again. We're different. , And it's embracing that I'm, I'm not running the London Marathon like she was topless. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not gonna do anything like that.

But it's again, this whole message about let's embrace our difference and learn from what we've gained in doing that. Yeah. The more, the more we talk about it, the more we celebrate it, the more we get it out there. We don't, we don't fear having vulnerable [00:48:00] conversations. Yeah. Um, and I think I, I want to thank you for what you are doing.

'cause , like it's the amazing work that you are doing that's helping spread awareness, raising awareness, helping people find their voice, helping find their confidence to realize. A big thing for me was realizing you're not alone. 

Teisha Rose: Yeah. 

Steven Bouris: But silencing it. You do feel alone. So the more we can help get that message out there to people, for them to realize they're not alone and to find support, um, that's the, that's the first step.

It's changed my life. And I'm sure it's probably changed yours and the work you're doing is changing your lives. And, and I'm really grateful and thankful for the work that you are doing. Well, we'll, we'll have you back on Steven, when the foundation's up and running, and we'll find out what massive events you've been at and , keynoting for.

So thanks so much for your time and we'll chat soon. Thanks for that, Teisha. 

Teisha Rose: Okay, I've turned around from the intro. I'm actually on a bit of a hill now, so hopefully, hopefully the brakes of my walker are working. Um, but that is, if you can see [00:49:00] there, that's the beautiful view. And actually I don't think you'll be able to see, but Andrew's working away on the tractor, um, putting some rocks over our tracks, which actually.

Yeah, with all the rain recently, which has made our grass so much greener, if you've seen our grass over wind, um, summer, it was very brown, so it's beautiful and green. But um, yeah, there was a little bit of flooding on the track. So he's working on that as I do this conclusion. So I hope you enjoyed the chat with Steven.

Visit Steven's website Steven with a v Boris, B-O-U-R-I-S dot. Com. Um, and find out more about Stephen's story about, you know, when his book's coming out about the Nevus Foundation. Um, there's so much he's working on. So again, this is just another, I guess, reminder that we may be suppressing trauma from [00:50:00] childhood or from whenever that was, but we can still heal from that.

It is difficult sometimes healing and you go through a lot as Steven shared. But on the flip side of that is you then live a lot more in alignment, and that's certainly what Steven is doing now. So hopefully you enjoyed, as I said, the episode, I can't wait to share more hurdle to hope stories with you, more insights from experts in their fields as well, which will help.

All of us in moving forward. Also, I should say, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Hurdle2Hope. Remember, Hurdle2Hope® with the number two. If you are listening to this podcast, please also, , have a look on YouTube. Subscribe to the YouTube channel. It's @Hurdle2Hope with the number two.

Um, and yeah, the more views I get, the more followers and subscribers I get, the more. [00:51:00] Guests we can attract to come onto the show and share their insights and their stories. If you know someone who would really benefit from The Hurdle2Hope® Show, please share it with them. Again, I want this message to get out to people because unexpected hurdles that interrupt all of our lives.

But remember, your response will define your experience. And hopefully by doing shows like this, having conversations like I did with Steven, that gives us all confidence that no matter what happens, we can have an impact on that experience and we can learn how to keep moving forward. Enjoy your week and I'm gonna keep enjoying this beautiful sunny day at Daisy Hill Chat soon.

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