S2E2: Midlife in the Middle: Caregiving & Burnout

In this episode of Reset Recharge, host Dr. Komal Patil-Sisodia discusses her personal experiences and insights into managing medical crises for loved ones while emphasizing the importance of self-care. She shares practical strategies for organizing care and maintaining emotional and physical well-being during stressful times, particularly for midlife women caught in the 'sandwich era'—balancing responsibilities between children and aging parents. This episode highlights the importance of delegation, setting boundaries, emotional rest, and modeling self-care for future generations.

Connect with me:

TikTok

Instagram

Eastside Menopause & Metabolism

Audio Stamps:

00:00 Introduction to Reset Recharge

00:53 A Personal Story: Navigating a Medical Crisis

01:42 The Power of Journaling

02:40 The Sandwich Era: Balancing Multiple Roles

04:29 Organizing During a Medical Crisis

07:02 Self-Care Strategies for Caregivers

09:23 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Thanks for listening. Find more info about Reset Recharge on the website or Instagram.

Transcript

Dr. Komal Patil-Sisodia 0:02

Welcome to Reset Recharge, the podcast where women's health takes center stage. I'm your host, Dr. Komal Patil-Sisodia, a triple board certified endocrinologist and women's health expert. This show is all about empowering you with the knowledge to understand your metabolic health, navigate hormonal changes, and feel confident in the conversations you're having with your healthcare provider. Whether you're managing symptoms, exploring treatment options, or just want to feel more in tune with your body, you're in the right place. As a physician, my goal is to educate on this podcast. The content shared here is for informational purposes only and should not replace personalized medical advice. If something we discuss resonates with you, please talk to your healthcare provider at your next visit. Now let's dive in and help you reset, recharge, and take control of your health. Hi everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Komal Patil-Sisodia. I had a different episode planned for this week, but life has a way of rerouting us. This weekend I found myself in a familiar but uncomfortable place, both an insider and an outsider At the same time, I flew out to support a loved one through an urgent medical issue, and thankfully they're doing well thanks to the exceptional care from doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, my colleagues. And yes, I call them that even though I'm in a different state and at a different hospital, they make being on the other side of the white coat a little easier. As I'm sitting here in the hospital, I realized that I needed a way to process everything swirling in my head. Lately that outlet has been journaling. I used to hate journaling mostly because my younger sister, Priya, once read my diary out loud. Thanks for that. But as I've gotten older, I've come to appreciate the power of getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. For a long time, my default was to push through discomfort and power through whatever needed to be done. Journaling has helped me slow down enough to turn thoughts and emotions into intentional action. And while taking time to reflect can feel indulgent, especially in moments like this, I honestly can't think of anything that helps me more to organize my mind and prepare for what's ahead. Midlife often places us squarely in what I think of as the sandwich era. We're raising and caring for our children, while also beginning to navigate health and life changes affecting the generation above us. Life starts to feel heavier at hormonal shifts, changing bodies, or new diagnoses of our own, and suddenly it feels like we're pushing a boulder uphill just to keep everything from falling apart. As a physician, an eldest daughter, and a midlife woman, I live at the intersection of these worlds. I have one foot on each side and often feel pulled in both directions at once. The boundaries between these roles blur quickly. My medical knowledge doesn't protect me from the fear and uncertainty I feel as a daughter or as the emerging matriarch of the next generation. I'm used to being capable. I'm used to knowing what to do next, and asking for help has never come easily. I caregiving has forced me to confront a hard truth. My capacity is not endless. After a lot of reflection, I finally accepted this. Needing help is not failure. It's necessary. When someone you love becomes ill, especially when care happens in a hospital, everything feels like it's moving at warp speed decisions pile up faster than you can process them. It's exhausting even for those of us who understand how the system works. I've watched myself, friends, family members, and patients navigate these moments in real time. So today I wanna share two things. First, how to get organized when you are someone you love is facing a medical crisis. And second, how to take care of yourself while you're in it. Hospitals often rely on adult children to help coordinate communication and plan for what comes next. Discharge planning when your loved one is getting better and is about to be home, in my opinion, is one of the most vulnerable points in care, especially for older adults. When deciding whether your loved one can safely return home, it helps to step back and consider a few key questions like how complex is the medical issue, how is their balance, and what is their fall risk? Have there been cognitive changes that haven't resolved? Can they return to their baseline ability to maintain activities of daily living? Things like dressing, bathing, cooking, or using the bathroom. If not, how much support or supervision will they need, and what does insurance actually cover and what will fall to you financially? One of the hardest parts for me recently has been not having clear answers to these questions. Uncertainty makes planning nearly impossible, and it amplifies fear. I don't wanna make the wrong decision. I don't wanna guide someone I love towards the wrong one. And this is where knowing who to lean on in the hospital matters. Care teams include more than doctors and nurses, case managers, social workers, financial counselors, and physical and occupational therapists are essential allies in this process. Ask for them, advocate for those conversations early on. Talk to the doctors and nurses and make sure they're putting in those consults for your loved one so that you can start to get answers and the process starts to feel a little less heavy and less difficult. Many midlife women, especially eldest daughters, are default problem solvers, but an acute medical crisis will stretch even the most resilient ones among us. There's no pause button on parenting relationships work or community responsibilities. We are constantly flexing between roles, trying to hold everything together, and eventually that leads to burnout and moral distress. Here are a few strategies that can help protect against that burnout. Number one, delegate. You do not have to do everything yourself. If people offer help, please accept it. This has always been hard for me to do, but. It is lovely to let your community come in and help care for you. They feel good about it. You get a break and your loved one feels even more loved. Number two, set boundaries. Decide how often you'll be able to be at the bedside, how many updates in a day you can realistically manage, and how much emotional weight you can carry in a day. Number three, build in small moments of physical recovery. Eat real meals. I went to a restaurant and had tacos and read a book. It was lovely. Sleep in uninterrupted blocks, whenever that's possible. And step outside. Move your body, find sunlight. It's been easy for me to do here compared to rainy Seattle, and so that has been a lifesaver for me. Number four, prioritize emotional rest. You can journal, talk to a friend or a therapist or find a support group where you don't have to explain yourself. Number five. Let go of the perfect daughter narrative. Safe caregiving does not require perfection. Number six, learn to distinguish between what is urgent and what is simply important. Not everything needs to be solved today. Most often it can't be solved today. And then lastly. Number seven, model self-care for the next generation. Our children are watching. They need to see what sustainable, healthy caregiving actually looks like so that they break that cycle and can do better for themselves. If they see us burning ourselves out, they're going to feel a need to do the same. So it's been a week, not even a week, like half a week, but it feels like a week. And these are the things that have helped me get through the last few days. So if you're finding yourself in the sandwich era of your life, I really hope these tools are here for you when you need them. Thank you for being here with me today, and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode.