The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
53. Newlywed Wisdom and the Art of Reconnection. Cody and Hannah Share Their Story. Part 1.
Remember when you went all out to impress your new girl/boy friend? Maybe it was a thrilling jet skiing adventure or an unexpected grand gesture that made their heart race. Join Trisha Jamison, Dr. Jeff Jamison, and Tony Overbay as they take you on a nostalgic journey of love and laughter, exploring those early days of marriage. Alongside our vibrant newlywed guests, Cody and Hannah, we unpack the secrets to keeping that initial excitement alive even amidst life's pressures. From their adorable "meet cute" to the ways they stay intentional and curious about one another, Cody and Hannah's story is sure to inspire couples of all ages.
A new Q&A files question from Ashley and Jake help us all navigate the complexities of modern life. Ashley and Jake find themselves yearning to reconnect. Hear their journey and the sage advice from our newlyweds on rekindling romance in long-term relationships. It's all about being present, sharing activities, and finding joy in each other's evolving stories. And let's not forget to touch upon the lighthearted mishaps of online dating, where a canceled first date and a questionable Thai dish turned into a lasting connection, highlighting the power of humor and resilience in love.
With insights from relationship coach, Trisha Jamison and marriage and family therapist Tony Overbay, the episode deepens with discussions on sustaining love through shared growth and communication. Discover the transformative power of making the choice to love your partner daily, embracing changes, and seeking new reasons to say “yes” to each other. As Tony shares tools and strategies to fortify relationships against life's challenges, the heartwarming tales from Cody and Hannah remind us that love is a journey filled with unexpected connections, sacrifices, and continuous growth. Tune in for practical advice and heartfelt stories that illuminate the path to maintaining vibrant, evolving partnerships.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A file, the ultimate health and wellness playground. I'm your host, tricia Jamieson, a board-certified functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner, ready to lead you through a world of health discoveries. Here we dive into a tapestry of disease prevention, to nutrition, exercise, mental health and building strong relationships, all spiced with diverse perspectives. It's not just a podcast, it's a celebration of health, packed with insights and a twist of fun. Welcome aboard the Q&A Files, where your questions ignite our vibrant discussions and lead to a brighter you. So welcome, wellness warriors, to another episode of the Q&A Files. I'm your host, fisher Jamison, a functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner and a life coach. And, as always, I'm so glad to have my two co-hosts with me today Dr Jeff Jamison, our board certified family physician, and Tony Overbay, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Speaker 3:Hi, everybody. Hey, and I'm a what am I? A botanist, a horticulturist? I just water my plants, what?
Speaker 1:would that make me you are definitely a horticulturist? No, you're not, cause you kill your plants.
Speaker 3:Hey, one plant one out of two, it's not bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 50%.
Speaker 1:So, tony, I'm letting you off the hook again, cause we're not doing celebrations. I've been practicing this, not doing celebrations.
Speaker 3:Oh man, because I know you have so many. I've been practicing this reaction like oh, come on.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, okay. No, if we could do it next time, though, I would really appreciate it, and I don't know why I keep making life so easy for you. It's just yeah, growth is through the discomfort.
Speaker 3:So Exactly, but it's uncomfortable for me not to share.
Speaker 1:Well, if you want to go ahead.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, no, we're not making this about me.
Speaker 1:Okay, but this time instead I have a fun question. Would you say, jeff?
Speaker 2:I said this time.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right, hey, we're playing. We're having a good time already.
Speaker 1:But I have a fun question to set the stage for our topic and introduce our special guest today. So, jeff and Tony, we're going to take a little trip down memory lane and I want you to think back when you were newlywed, newly married you were newly married to me and Tony was newly married to Wendy. You were newly married to me and Tony was newly married to Wendy. What's something you did back then to impress myself and Wendy that you definitely don't do today?
Speaker 3:Oh boy.
Speaker 1:And Jeff. I'm going to know if what you say is true or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's easy, I know that. Okay, so I know one thing that I don't knew, that I did to impress that I don't do now, and that's take you jet skiing?
Speaker 1:Oh yes, well we don't have a test game anymore.
Speaker 2:So it qualifies.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And I think it worked.
Speaker 1:It did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we went jet skiing on our first date and it was really fun. We had a great time and it just I don't think we stopped talking after that.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that that's a good one. Okay, Tony, you're up.
Speaker 3:Okay. Now suddenly the show takes a dramatic turn as Tony goes serious and says I know back then in my emotionally immature days I would maybe bend the truth a bit to try to get her to think how cool I was. Maybe exaggerating a story or two, that is something.
Speaker 2:I do not do yeah.
Speaker 3:There we go, the good old confabulation. Thank you, and I might be stretching the truth a little bit with that, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 1:Oh, awesome.
Speaker 3:Okay, you've got it yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I just said confabulation.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I got it too.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:So we have a fantastic Wait a minute.
Speaker 2:What is something you did?
Speaker 1:Oh I, I stopped trying to get you to run with me because when we were dating, he led me to believe that he was a runner, because I was runner and he ran until the day we said I do, and it was over, and I don't think he's run since.
Speaker 2:I thought this was supposed to be something nice about it, right? Wait, but it is because be something nice about each other, right?
Speaker 3:Wait, but it is because what Dr Jeff told me one time was that he realized at that moment that he would easily be able to run faster and farther than you, and it was so difficult at that time. But he made a choice then to give up running for the rest of his life, Right?
Speaker 1:Dr Jeff, you are so good Tony. You are so good at this? Yeah, no, but that's why it's such a good thing, because I stopped asking you to run with me because I knew you hated it, so it's good.
Speaker 2:True, so okay, let's move on.
Speaker 1:Okay, we have a fantastic show for you and one that I've been so excited about. Today we're talking about love, marriage and how to hold on to that dreamy heart-racing can't-wait-to-be-with-you feeling long after you say I do. And what better way to do that than by bringing on a newlywed couple to remind us all of that fresh, exciting love, that fresh, exciting love. Now, before we dive into our special guests, I have to say this episode is extra special for Jeff and I. We have known one of our guests, cody, since he was a wee little lad. Our son, chase, and Cody were really great friends growing up, and Cody's mom and I, barbara, were also great friends, so we've known this family for a very long time. And by Barbara, we're also great friends, so we've known this family for a very long time.
Speaker 2:And then we're still good friends.
Speaker 1:And then we're still good friends, yes, and then, almost a year ago, we met Hannah, and let me tell you we just knew from the start she was a keeper. So here they are with us today and they're going to share some magical secrets about love that some of us may have forgotten. Hello Cody and Hannah Benefiel, we are so glad to have you here with us.
Speaker 4:Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 5:We're excited to do this. We've been looking forward to it.
Speaker 1:Good, good. So now, before we jump into all the newlywed magic, good, good. So now, before we jump into all the newlywed magic, I want to share a question from one of our listeners that I know so many of us will resonate with. Relationships, as we know, change over time and while that deep, steady love is beautiful, a lot of couples find themselves wondering how do we hold into that spark we once had? And that brings us to today's question from Ashley, which I think so many can relate to. Ashley asks she says hello, tricia, dr, jeff and Tony. Thank you so much for your podcast. I love it and I'm finally feeling brave enough to ask a question.
Speaker 1:I wish I could focus on the reason I said yes to my spouse, but after 12 years of marriage, three kids and the challenges of everyday life, it feels so far away when we're engaged. I remember feeling so sure, so in love, that nothing could shake us. But now life is heavy. My husband, jake, is an aerospace engineer and he works long hours, sometimes late into the night. I work part time as a neonatal nurse, but most of my time is spent running our home, keeping up with the kids, busy schedules, managing meals and trying to keep everything from falling apart. We have student debt that we're still chipping away at and we're trying to save for a home that actually will fit our growing family. Some nights, we barely have time for a real conversation before we crash into bed. I know we're a team, but I miss the feeling of why we said yes in the first place, the laughter, the excitement and the dreamy way we used to look at each other.
Speaker 1:How do we hold onto the love and excitement we once had when we first started this journey? How do we remember the version of us that couldn't wait to be together forever? So, first of all, ashley, thank you so much for being brave enough to share this with us, and I think your words capture exactly what so many couples feel after years of marriage, kids and the weight of everyday life. It's not that the love is gone. It's that it gets buried under responsibilities and schedules and exhaustion. So today we get to explore how to reconnect with that yes moment, even when life gets crazy and out of control.
Speaker 1:That's exactly why we have Hannah and Cody with us today. You two are still in that honeymoon phase, you know, when even folding laundry together somehow feels romantic and you still text each other. I miss you when you've been out of sight for five minutes, so we need your help. Remind us what that newlywed magic feels like. What is it about marriage right now that feels the most fun, the most exciting, the most? Oh, my gosh pinch me. I can't believe we're together at this moment and forever, so help us with bringing that spark back. What can you share with us right now?
Speaker 4:Well, I can definitely say everybody's situation is different, but I think the thing that keeps us, you know, in that honeymoon kind of phase moment for our relationship is just despite us being busy and not being able to see each other for most of the day and just seeing each other at night is just choosing to have time for each other, is just choosing to have time for each other With the moments that we do have. Instead of choosing it to be on your phone or play video games or, you know, watch something, instead just choosing it to have a conversation, watch a movie together, going to the store together, and so there's a lot of things that you could be doing by yourself, but just choosing to do it with your partner is something that really helps me keep that magic alive. When, you know, stresses of work and school and everything get in the way.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I'll just add, I think, what Cody said about being a hundred percent present when you're doing it, because I think it's it's realistic to just say that there are so many demands on your time and life just gets busy.
Speaker 5:And so I think, just making sure that when you are together, that you are focused on one another a hundred percent, and like asking each other how your day was and how you're feeling and things like that, I think maybe after a while you can start to assume those things about your significant other, your partner or spouse, and I think, just staying curious and like asking them how they're doing and how life is going and how they're feeling about something or some life event or something going on in the world. You know, I think that we're constantly changing and I think that discovery is constantly happening and can happen even throughout your marriage, even if you have been married for many years even. I think that's something that we still try to do is just discovering new things about each other. We have plenty to learn about each other, still for sure, just being newlyweds, but I think that that process happens even over time as well.
Speaker 1:Well, that's awesome. So let's start from the beginning. How did you both meet and at what point did you know you wanted to marry each other?
Speaker 3:Hey, can I ask too? I just learned this term now and I hear it everywhere. I feel like confirmation bias. Did you have a meet cute story? Do you know that term, that phrase?
Speaker 4:I've heard, meet cute. I don't necessarily know the definition, as you may be asking it. Yeah, I just.
Speaker 3:I learned it three weeks ago and I swear, I hear it everywhere now, so okay, I appreciate it.
Speaker 4:You probably had a meet cute.
Speaker 3:Chris.
Speaker 2:Jeff, do you guys know what that is? What does it mean? I have no idea. I've never heard it before.
Speaker 3:It's your adorable, cute origin story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's what I just asked them.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, it's like yeah out, so that's not a very cute a meet cute.
Speaker 1:That's when you make up a story.
Speaker 3:That's exactly right. That's when you turn into.
Speaker 1:Tony, and you confabulate it.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Yeah, mine was amazing. No, I'm kidding, yeah, we met in Dubai.
Speaker 4:It was pretty.
Speaker 3:Oh, there you go.
Speaker 4:We're skydiving.
Speaker 3:That's it, cody, there we go.
Speaker 4:No, yeah, I guess you could say we had a meet queue. In a sense, I guess, because we're newlyweds, our story is a bit different from probably your guys' story, because we met online and I'd say that's the majority of people nowadays is they meet on an app or online. And so we met on an app called Hinge and we were trying. Honestly, it's funny because our first date at a thai restaurant, or it was supposed to be at a restaurant, and I totally bailed on her because there was an emergency at work where one of the guys had to go to the er well, it was so funny because we had a date set for like our first date set for friday night, I remember, and I just like had this sense at like 3 pm.
Speaker 5:I like got all ready, I was looking cute, feeling good, and I get this sense at like 3 pm that he's going to cancel on me. And I was like, okay, that's kind of weird. I checked my phone and in that moment he sends me a text canceling on me and it was like so elaborate. He's like Hannah, I'm so sorry I had this emergency at work. Someone has to go to the emergency room and get stitches. And in my mind I'm like, look, dude, like if you wanted to cancel, all you had to do was say so. You know like your lie didn't need to be that elaborate.
Speaker 1:Because he did want to cancel.
Speaker 2:Did he reschedule?
Speaker 5:Yes, yes, he did See, that's the difference.
Speaker 4:I rescheduled. I reread that text. It did seem quite elaborate.
Speaker 5:It was, it was, but he rescheduled for the next day and, just like for his one lunch hour, it was a Saturday lunchtime and we were going to meet at a Thai restaurant and Cody showed up 25 minutes late, but he kept me. He told me that he was going to be late, and so that's communicative.
Speaker 4:There you go. Yes, he was communicative.
Speaker 5:So I knew, oh, important Anyway. So by the time he shows up at the restaurant, I have just like scoured the entire menu. I know exactly what I want. He sits down and I was like, well, I'm ready. And he was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:So what did you both order that day?
Speaker 5:So I ordered the orange chicken and then he was like well yes, yes, and so he was like well, since you've been here for a while, why don't you order for me? And I was like no problem, and so I ordered something for him. What did I order?
Speaker 2:for you Was it a five star thing?
Speaker 5:It was a negative two star thing, mine was so good, my food was so good and he ate all of his and then told me he didn't like it and I felt so it's probably the worst pet suit I've ever had.
Speaker 1:It's okay oh, that's so funny. Well, I'm glad you didn't hold that against her yeah well, and she didn't hold it against him. It was 25 minutes late true, it's true, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how you got that food cody yeah, who paid?
Speaker 3:I'm curious, cody paid I think I paid.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, good man, there you go, yeah but it was so short, it was only an hour because it was over Cody's lunch break from work and I don't know. I just I knew that I needed to see him again, Like I just felt so comfortable.
Speaker 2:What made that happen? What was it about Cody that you went? Hmm, this is somebody I want to know more about.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Was there a moment or a connection that you remember that really clicked? What was it?
Speaker 5:Yes, yeah, great question. So to get a little personal, I had been struggling with a pretty bad medical issue during that time when Cody and I met, and that morning was particularly bad. I remember writing in my journal how desperate and how sad and just how frustrating my medical situation was. And I remember I was with a friend the morning that Cody and I were going on our first date and she was like, oh well, have fun on your day.
Speaker 5:As I was walking out the door and I literally remember telling her I'm not going to have fun, I'm in the worst mood this morning, I'm just going to go because it's a hinge date. So I'm just going to go, because you know it's a hinge date, so I'm just going to go and get it over with. But I just remember showing up and seeing Cody and just like everything just like melted away, like it was so easy to be with him. I didn't need to have like first date energy because I just didn't at that time. I was just so exhausted and so weak and like it was just easy to be around him. He made me feel comfortable, he made me feel safe.
Speaker 2:I could laugh.
Speaker 5:And.
Speaker 5:I was just starving, but it was just so easy to be around him and I just felt like I could be myself and I didn't need to, I didn't need to be someone else, that I didn't have the energy to be at that time, and and like we were having a good time with that, you know.
Speaker 5:And and he could tease me. Something that really stood out to me was he just had such high emotional intelligence, like I remember sharing with him some of the details of of my medical thing that I was going through and and he knew when to listen and to be gentle with it, and then he knew when to tease me a little bit about it and and laugh at kind of like the hysterics of of how awful the situation could be sometimes, and and that just really stood out to me as like he knew how to, how to be there for me in in the right ways you know whether that was laughing with me or you know being kind of somber and listening to this story a little bit and just he was so interesting, there were so many facets and layers to him and I don't know at first I was like, is this guy for real? Like he's just, he just has it all. And so and I remember at the very end of the date he mentioned. I wish I had it all oh he does.
Speaker 2:You have it all now.
Speaker 5:I love your face when she said that, cody, you didn't have it all before, but now you have it all because you got it, yeah.
Speaker 5:But yeah, I just remember at the very end of the day, like last couple of minutes, he mentioned that he goes on two international trips a year and I was like whoa, like how is this just coming out now? And that was the moment where I was like, okay, I need to know a little bit more about him. I was already so impressed and just felt so comfortable. It was so easy from the beginning and that was just something I needed to hear more about.
Speaker 2:Had you just gotten back from Egypt about that time, Cody?
Speaker 4:No, when was that? I think we went to Japan the time before, I think. Think where were we? I forget, I need to ask. I need to ask my friend who I went with. I go on. I went on all these trips with my roommate and so I'll have to check my photos yeah, but yeah, I just went on so many trips you don't even know I know. Yeah, that's what happens, that's the problem and I so I insisted that for our honeymoon we went to an international location. So we ended up going to Rome.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, that is so fun. That is so fun, okay, so what's one moment from your love story that you hope never fades from memory?
Speaker 4:That's a great question. I have a good answer to this, okay.
Speaker 5:It's the moment that we said I love you to each other for the first time, Okay sure that we said I love you to each other for the first time. Okay, sure, we were two, three months into being like officially dating as like boyfriend and girlfriend, and it was so funny. So Cody and I were both in school at the time, so I had just finished a long school day, he had finished class and we had decided to go to a candlelight concert. Have you guys heard of one of those?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, yeah, tell us more. What's that?
Speaker 5:Okay, yeah, so it's basically they fill this stage with candle lights and they're electric, you know, so there's no fire hazards. But they fill this stage with electric candle lights and they turn off all the lights and then in the middle of the stage is a string quartet and there's, like usually, a theme to the performance. So I've been to like a Taylor Swift one. They just played a bunch of string quartet versions or arrangements of Taylor Swift songs, um, but Cody and I went to a Studio Ghibli one where they were playing a bunch of arrangements of the Studio Ghibli movies. They're Japanese animated movies and we love them. Um, they're just fantastic and beautiful music, like incredibly beautiful scores, and so Cody and I had decided to go to that.
Speaker 5:But it was in Salt Lake and we were in Provo because of school, and so Cody gets out of school, we have like 30 minutes until it starts, but it actually takes like 45 minutes to drive to Salt Lake. So he picks me up and we're like in a rush to get there. It's super cold and snowing and we it's Salt Lake, so it's a city kind of hard to find parking, so we have to park like a block and a half from the place and we're like, oh, we're already late, like we need to run, so, hand in hand we're just like running through the snow storm and running to this place. And then we get in and the front desk person like wouldn't let us in, but we could hear it through the door, and so we were like can we just sit on this couch and listen through the door? And she was like yeah, sure, go ahead. And then, after like sitting there for five minutes, cody was like how much can I pay you to let us in? And she was like, ah, nevermind guys.
Speaker 5:Guys like just go ahead and slip in wow, and so we so we slip in and we catch the last like half hour of this concert and it was beautiful, like so lovely, and it was just kind of like a dream, you know, being there and took some pictures. Um, and then we, we walk out and it's still snowing and still freezing. So we're like, hey, let's run back. And so, once again, hand in hand, we just like ran back as fast as we could, back to the car and we were just laughing and laughing and like I just felt so strong. I was like I love him, I really, really love him. And Cody, every night he would do this thing where he'd be like what are you thinking about? And so he asked me that question. He's like what are you thinking about? And I just, I was like I just really really love you. And he just, I don't know, he said it back to me. I didn't say it back, he did, yeah.
Speaker 4:I was a little nervous about that. You didn't say ditto did you?
Speaker 5:I don't know. You said it back to me. I didn't say it back you did.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was a little nervous about that. You didn't say ditto, did you? I don't think so.
Speaker 5:Oh, yes, can confirm, did not. But yeah, it was just like a really special moment where it was one of those things where I was like I just can't like contain anymore how I feel about him, like I need him to know that I love him and I know that I love him, and so that's one of my favorite memories that I also want to remember.
Speaker 1:I love that. So, cody, what is a prerequisite that you had when you were dating for all girls?
Speaker 4:For all girls that did not apply to Hannah. That did not apply to Hannah.
Speaker 1:That did not apply to.
Speaker 4:Hannah.
Speaker 3:That's a good turn. Yeah, Okay oh man.
Speaker 4:Yeah Well, that's the problem, because all the prerequisites that I had she met and so I didn't really have like I didn't have anything that turned me on.
Speaker 1:There's one I can think of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go for it the time frame. We know you too well.
Speaker 4:Oh no, oh, you're right, you're right. So that's that ended up changing later. Yeah, so originally I I had this rule in my mind that, no matter who I start dating, that I need to wait a year before I get married, preferably get engaged and so that was a hard set rule. I told everybody I've dated that I I just cannot break this rule to set expectations. And after we started dating, I think a few months went by and I was like dang it, I'm already thinking about it.
Speaker 1:I can't wait a year.
Speaker 4:Yeah, exactly. So I think it ended up being like 10 months and but yeah, I just couldn't wait. So it was was. It was so weird that you have this rule for yourself, but once you meet the right person, you know that rule it doesn't apply. We already know.
Speaker 1:It's just so much surety and so yeah, so how did you know she was the right person for you?
Speaker 4:I've dated a lot. I've had a lot of experience with different kinds of people, different stages of life, a lot of different goals, that people have, personality types and I just realized the kind of person I want is individualistic. They're really big on self-determination, hard workers. They are just kind, genuine people and I've gotten really good at just telling that within the first date or two, if someone is just a good person and I could just tell that about Hannah from the beginning that she met all those criteria and that she's not someone I need to worry about. Do our values match? Is she a kind person to people around me? I didn't have to worry about anything. Honestly, I just knew and as we started dating, you know, it just kind of came to fruition that all of that was actually correct.
Speaker 1:So we knew too, when we met her and you still had months left.
Speaker 4:We're like no way he's not going to make a year. You right we told you at the time too I know you did tell me I didn't want to believe you because I wanted to stay steadfast in my decision to wait a year don't even know you too well.
Speaker 1:That is not going to happen.
Speaker 2:But timelines are arbitrary, everyone's different I guess timelines are not arbitrary when it's the wrong person oh yes, you're so right no, I love it.
Speaker 1:Okay. So if you had to describe your love story in one sentence, what would it be?
Speaker 5:that's a good question I think it would be that we always have and always will be meant to be oh, that's beautiful I love that.
Speaker 4:Okay, robert Frost, I thought about this.
Speaker 1:This is great. Do you have anything you'd like to share, Cody?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was going to say that, but I guess you had to come up with a new one.
Speaker 4:I would say two winding paths that met up and never diverged from then. On, sticking with the Robert Frost theme, it was very much two people on their own paths wasn't really looking for love and we just joined paths after that and it found you anyway, yeah, it was crazy yeah.
Speaker 5:I will. I'll take this moment to give a shout out to Cody about the sacrifices he made to make sure that our paths stay together. Like when we met, cody had already accepted an offer to a medical school out in Virginia and I still had one more year left of law school here, or two more years, two more years left. But when we met, two more years left of law school here in Utah and Cody chose to reject his offer and to stay here with me while I finished school so we could be together physically and get married and all these things, and he made a huge sacrifice for me to finish my schooling.
Speaker 1:I don't think it was a very big sacrifice. I think it was the right move. He knew he needed a Q peel.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but I don't know. I'll just always remember that, like I, no one's ever done that something that big or that life-altering for me and that's just always meant so much to me, you know, and was just like wow, he's serious about this a but b. Like he, he really cares about us together, you know, and I think it just keeps everything in perspective of, like, what really matters in the choices that we make, and putting us first is always the top priority.
Speaker 2:Well, there's a big lesson right there. Yep, true love, but that's something. Keeping it in perspective of the ongoing relationship is putting each other first, of the ongoing relationship is putting each other first and I know that sometimes you know careers, children, other things get in the way and remembering to do that, keeping each other first and making choices that make that happen, it's a huge part of it of keeping these together. I would think Now I know that's something that in my emotionally immature way, sometimes I was putting myself and my career ahead of our marriage, and that's something that I think everybody has done or will do at some point. But you know, keeping this alive by listening to what Cody and Hannah are saying is just amazing.
Speaker 1:Well, in fact that's a great segue into my next question and I want to kind of circle back to Ashley's question. She talks about she and her husband had been married for 12 years and she wants to reconnect with that early love. So, hannah and Cody, let's look ahead. What do you believe will help you keep this magic alive in the next 10, 20, or 50 years from now?
Speaker 5:I mean, I'm a big believer that love is a choice, and so, as you continue every single day to choose to love your spouse and to make that conscious choice, I think that changes things and can flip things, because I totally agree that it's so important to think back to the original reason why you said yes, but in reality, every single day that you stay married is another day that you continue to say yes, and so I think Cody and I were talking about this yesterday. But you change, you know, because life circumstances change, or you personally experience some growth, or maybe there's a hardship that you're going through that teaches you all these new lessons or is extremely difficult to get through, and all those things change who you are as a person. But your spouse is going through the exact same thing. You know all these changes going on through their lives, and so I feel like, as you're going through those things together and you have that connectedness and that togetherness A it brings you closer, but B you get to find new reasons to say yes. I feel like, even the last few months that Cody and I have been married, I've learned so much about myself, but I've also learned so much about us together, and those are my new reasons. You know, the new reasons that I continue to say yes to Cody every single day and choose to be with him and have him as my husband is because of all the things that we're going through and learning together.
Speaker 5:And so I think, while it's important to remember why you said yes when you first got married, or 20 or 10, five years ago, it's also important to think like why do I say yes today? And like what is it about this last week or yesterday? Or like what is it today that I like? Why am I saying yes today? And I think that you can always find those reasons and that'll make you even more grateful for the marriage that you have and the journey that you've traveled on. You know, like that's no small feat to be married and to have gone through careers and children, raising children and all these things, and like all that together is so beautiful and amazing. But you did it together. You know, and I think that together is so beautiful and amazing, but you did it together. And I think that that is something to always keep in mind in remembering how to keep the magic alive, so to speak.
Speaker 2:So that's awesome. And, cody, I want you to think about what you're going to say here for a second. But, tony, I want to re-involve you about what advice you would give them to keep that alive as a marriage and family therapist. So, cody, go ahead.
Speaker 4:Yeah, everything that Hannah said is true. Definitely needed all of that.
Speaker 2:Good answer.
Speaker 4:Yes, she's always right.
Speaker 4:I would definitely say I don't hear this too often. I've definitely seen it a few places, but I think one of the exciting things about dating somebody, or the early stages of marriage, is that there's a lot you don't know about them and there's a lot going in life that is very new. And sharing new things with your partner, learning new things about your partner it's so exciting because you've never experienced that before and you're experiencing it from their perspective for the first time. And sometimes I feel like with life, if you're working the same job for 30 years if you're, you know you both have been working the same perspective with raising the kids you get into this, this lull in life where you're just doing the same things. And how can you keep that curiosity alive? And I think sometimes it requires you to invest more into yourself. And so I think that if you want to develop a new hobby, something that you're passionate about, pursue a new I wouldn't necessarily career, but side hustle, hustle, you know just something that's different, that you know reinvigorates you as an individual. It gives you things at the end of the day that gets you excited to tell your spouse about that.
Speaker 4:You haven't told them before, like, hey, I was trying out crocheting and there's this really cool knot that I learned how to do and I made this cool hat. Check it out. Or you know I started running to bring it back to what we were talking about before. And you know I started running to bring it back to what we were talking about before. And you know I ran this many miles and it's a new milestone for me and I'm super excited about that. You know, sometimes I feel like it takes an individual effort to try and improve yourself. That indirectly improves the marriage. It just gives you something more to talk about, that you're excited about, that you can share together. That's brand new and I think sometimes that might be helpful.
Speaker 1:So I love your insights. I think that's fabulous, but it reminds me of something I tell my couples all the time, and that is love isn't something you have, it's something you do, and I feel like that. That's what you're talking about right now it's the doing of it.
Speaker 3:So, tony, what are some insights that you have as well? If I knew that time wasn't an issue and I would try to make my phone camera show my desktop while you guys have been talking I have no fewer than seven sticky notes full of, like, all the things you've been saying, and, because there's so much here that I just wanna say okay to our listeners, there will be a bonus episode on the virtual couch. I wanna break down all of these from a marriage therapist lens, because and but you guys seem almost I want to say did. Did Tricia give you a script? Like, are you reading off of a script of here's?
Speaker 4:what the?
Speaker 3:young emotionally mature people would say, I mean, I would just, I put a couple of stars by things that I think are pretty phenomenal. And it's a, Hannah, early on you said being curious and that we're going to be constantly changing. And then I like, later on you said again you change, your spouse is going through that too. You find new reasons to stay married. That's phenomenal because I find that, being a couples therapist now for 20 years, it's wild that down the road, couples, I think, lose sight of that, and so they often find it. It's their insecurities come out because their partner changes. And when you look at what immaturity looks like, it's that if you're changing and this is where I like what you said, cody, about finding something that reinvigorates you as an individual, and I wrote down this note that says and that it doesn't threaten my partner because they aren't doing things, because that's where you get into that role of oh wow, if you are doing something, then you are going to leave me.
Speaker 3:You must think that you're important right, and I think so. There's so many things here, and what is fascinating to me is I've been doing more pre-marriage and early relationship counseling, and it's typically with people that maybe I've worked with long ago. They now have kids that are about to get married, and I have this battle in my head of I want desperately for people in your position, or newly or premarital couples, to know what the tools are, because I always say that nobody knows the right way to communicate effectively, because you have to find those tools, and typically couples don't find those tools until they've gone through and Tricia knows like they're really difficult things where now I have to go get help and even then most people don't, so the ones that do then you have to find the right tools and you have to put them into action. Then you're still two different individuals that are going to be trying to put these tools into practice, and here comes our insecurity, and so I just thought why can't we just cut this off at the head? Or, yeah, cover it early, but when you don't know what you don't know, I just love what you guys are saying about when somebody brings something up If the other person feels like, oh, why did you say that?
Speaker 3:Or well, then you must think that you are better than me, or that you think I am wrong. And this all or nothing, black or white thinking comes in, and that's where I, you know, my initial thing that I wrote was that it's easy to talk about the things that are easy when you're in that early part of the relationship, but you don't know what it's going to be like when you're going to move, or there's financial considerations to make, or what happens when the first kid comes, or you know we have these decisions to make. And that's where, when life just starts lifing all over you, that now, oh, I realize I have a different opinion, but I don't even really know how to share it. Or if I share it, will the other person take offense? And so we start, we start just holding things back, or we'll kick the can and we'll do it later. Now it's not a good time. I don't really feel like it. He seems like he's in a bad mood, so I just and I've got that's five other sticky notes full of things, so I forgot the question, which is always a good thing, but I think is that the uh, the advice is to keep doing what you're doing here and if we think about this one.
Speaker 3:So I was sitting in a Sunday school class and this was a couple of years ago and I'm 55. Why did it take me how long to? When I heard seek and you shall find that I was like, oh man, that's this expectation effect. I mean I will find the bad things in my partner, or Hannah, like I love what you're saying, or find a reason every day to choose your partner. I think that's so important. So then, seek and you will find also the good things.
Speaker 3:Now, and Tricia and Dr Jeff and I we talk often about, I think sometimes when we've been, we're I don't know old, what cogity, that's not a word anymore. Focrocity, is that the word? But we're these seasoned veterans that have seen a lot of difficult relationships and things that it's. It's just fascinating sometimes to to assume that then that's where every couple is going to go. And you know, in my opinion, but then also, as a marriage therapist, I assume that anybody that's not seeing me is not out there doing the work or getting the tools. But it's it's so refreshing to hear that that you have this basis now tools, but it's it's so refreshing to hear that that you have this basis now.
Speaker 3:And so now I'm thinking, if I had to do it, but I give advice, it's it's literally write these things down and make those choices every day, because when life just starts happening and time is, is is difficult, it's so easy to just we'll do it later, and I think so many couples just have these great intentions but they don't know what it's going to feel like yet to have kids and jobs, and so then you get in that position, and now it's when it's difficult to talk or you're exhausted, and and so often I can think of times where, oh man, I should say this tonight, but I'm exhausted, or she is, or she. You know it's late, and if I do the conversations and then go late and have to get up early and so we can come up with all these yeah but, and have to get up early and so we can come up with all these yeah buts to just not do the things that you guys are talking about doing right now.
Speaker 3:We had that last night, did you? Yeah? But I really want to say honestly, I mean I don't think I've ever felt and maybe it's the riddle in talking but feeling so unmotivated right now. So I want to just record as soon as I can and comment, not to say because I was, of course I'm thinking of jokes this early on where, oh, this is adorable way to life, kicks your teeth in. But I'm not that guy.
Speaker 2:I think that the or wait until you get to experience these things, and and then uh, what a joy thing also that they that they'll have is this podcast and look back on and say, oh, this is how we were back then.
Speaker 3:Well, look how cool and adorable we were in a year going to have him on in a year Okay.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm going to. I'm going to, literally, I want to do this episode, and I will be a little. I'm going to own the fact that I will do it from a here's where things start, and then let's go 20 years down the road and see what happens when people take their eye off the ball or they aren't doing these things, because I love what you're saying and I think the challenge maybe we can all agree on is that motivation or the what is it being intentional? And to continue to do these things. And the part, though, you guys are saying it is wild. Dr Jeff and Trisha, I'm sure you guys have heard this too. Or I should ask you have you where the one partner will say this is not who I married, you've changed. And when they're in my office I say isn't that great? But and that's where you start to- see, maybe some immaturity, yeah.
Speaker 3:Where then it's like well, this isn't what I signed up for. Well, you signed up for an adventure, not a man. If I had a line right here, this would be one Hold on, I can't thank you I didn't sign up for I don't know. Edit that in post. Richie, give me something good there.
Speaker 2:Well, well, I think it's amazing that these two are, you know, just watching them on our video cameras here. Look at each other and the way that they smile and remember the things that have happened, and those glances, those looks. Those are things that can continue and to remember how you feel now so that you can project them for the future. Oh, look at that.
Speaker 3:I tried, I had to do it.
Speaker 1:Wow, you've got notes everywhere. That's impressive, tony.
Speaker 3:I had to try the camera thing. It was worth a shot, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, this is going to go on our YouTube channel so we'll be able to post that. Yes, yes, this is going to go on our YouTube channel, so we'll be able to post that. Well, when I saw Cody and Hannah, they were actually at our son's Chase and Desiree and Michaela and Russ they had a baby blessing for both of their little babies and they came and I loved talking to them and Hannah and I just connected like we just completely clicked and I thought we have got to get them on our podcast because I love the energy that they bring. So often, you know, when we're doing these podcasts, it's on problems and lack in communication and conflict resolution and all the things that happen in marriages, and so I just loved the feeling that I had from the two of you and I just wanted to bring that here so we could focus on the I do, you know, the yes and bring us back to that place that is just so powerful. So we're gonna end this here.
Speaker 1:This conversation with Hannah and Cody has been such a beautiful reminder of why we say yes to love in the first place. Whether you're a newlywed or you've been married for years, there's something special about looking back and remembering those early moments the excitement, the laughter and the belief that you were starting something incredible together. But we also know that love isn't just about the beginning. It's about the journey. In part two, we're diving even deeper with our special guests Hannah and Cody. We'll talk about the habits, traditions and intentional choices that help couples hold onto that spark over time. We'll also tackle real life challenges because, let's be honest, love isn't always effortless, but it's always worth it. So take a moment after this episode, maybe even grab your partner and think back to your own yes moment, and then meet us back here for part two, where we'll explore how to keep choosing love every single day. But before you go, don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode.
Speaker 1:If you love this conversation, please leave us a review. It helps more people find the show, and if you have a burning question you'd love for us to tackle, please send it our way at trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom. We'd love to hear from you. Thank you so much, wellness Warriors. We'll see you in part two. Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, delighted to share today's gems of wisdom with you. Your questions light up our show, fueling the engaging dialogues that make our community extra special. Keep sending your questions to trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom. Your curiosity is our compass. Please hit subscribe, spread the word and let's grow the circle of insight and community together. I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off. Stay curious, keep thriving and keep smiling, and I'll catch you on the next episode.
