The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
55. Embracing Small Joys and Mental Resilience: Understanding the Reticular Activating System and Navigating Long-Term Relationships
Have you ever noticed how the smallest joys, like a warm chocolate chip cookie, can bring unexpected delight amid life's challenges? Join us as we share lighthearted moments from our own lives alongside more serious conversations, like Tony's journey toward his upcoming neck surgery. We discuss the blend of fear and hope that comes with placing your trust in medical professionals and the supportive camaraderie that can transform daunting experiences into moments of growth and resilience.
Unlock the secrets of your brain's inner workings as we explore the fascinating role of the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in shaping perceptions and filtering information. Discover how this powerful system can impact your self-worth and confidence, and learn strategies to refocus your mindset from negativity to gratitude. By celebrating small wins and recognizing personal growth, we reveal how you can retrain your brain and build mental resilience. Plus, we share the joys of community, from nearly 50 participants in our book club to the amusing mishaps of unexpected therapy session noises.
Our episode takes an insightful turn as we examine how long-term relationships are affected by the brain's processing of familiar communication, making partners' voices blend into background noise. We discuss strategies for rekindling connection and ensuring genuine interaction, focusing on the courage it takes to truly know and be known by your partner. With our FILTER framework, we guide you through maximizing your doctor visits and embracing personal growth, helping you navigate the journey from emotional expression to actionable change. Celebrate the power of positivity and transformation, and join us in enhancing your journey of learning, growth, and self-compassion.
Need relationship advice? Want to spruce up your marriage? Become one of Trisha's clients! She is accepting new clients now! Contact her at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com for more information!
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the ultimate health and wellness playground. I'm your host, tricia Jamieson, a board-certified functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner, ready to lead you through a world of health discoveries. Here we dive into a tapestry of disease prevention, to nutrition, exercise, mental health and building strong relationships, all spiced with diverse perspectives. It's not just a podcast, it's a celebration of health, packed with insights and a twist of fun. Welcome aboard the Q&A Files, where your questions ignite our vibrant discussions and lead to a brighter you. Welcome back, friends, to the Q&A Files. I'm your host, trisha Jamieson, a functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner and a life coach, and, as always, I'm joined by my two incredible co-hosts, dr Jeff Jamieson, a board certified family physician, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Welcome, gentlemen.
Speaker 2:Hey, when you say that you're a nutritionist and I realized my immaturity because I feel like my nutrition has gotten a little bit worse lately and it's maybe because you're telling me the good ways that I should show up better and eat better, so I know that I'm being immature.
Speaker 1:I never do those things.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I let you eat. And just you know, if you're going to eat those warm chocolate chip cookies in front of us, I'm going to let you do that.
Speaker 3:That is totally something you can enjoy, and if you were seeing us on the video then you'd know that we were drooling at the time.
Speaker 2:That's right At that time. Oh, they sound so good, yeah, and that's all he kept saying.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh, this is so good.
Speaker 2:You're amazing.
Speaker 1:And that is my vice a warm chocolate chip cookie right there out of the oven. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:Well, if Jeff got my text, then here we go. Tricia, I'm sure the door is about to open and here comes a warm chocolate chip cookie from me. No, Jeff, miss that one.
Speaker 1:Hey, I'm not listening. Ok, so before we jump into today's topic, what?
Speaker 2:are we waiting for Tony I?
Speaker 1:have let you off the hook, but today I'm hitting on the spot. What are we going to talk?
Speaker 2:about Celebrations. Yes, yeah, I thought about one.
Speaker 1:What Amazing.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's what we were talking about off air, which, as I'll have so much more about this down the road but I've had some medical challenges and I have some potential relief in sight via surgery, mind you, which then we'll get a lot of yeah buts from the people that I've explained things to. But I have a handful of doctor friends and when I got this MRI, I sent the MRI to all my doctor friends, including Dr Jeff, and I said I'm taking advantage of you, what's your take? And Dr Jeff is one of the first people that got back to me with hey, it looks like you're probably going to need some surgery, but it's not so bad. And then when I finally met with my surgeon, it was as if he had he and Dr Jeff were one in the same, and that just brought me such comfort. And so then we were talking about things before we hit the record button.
Speaker 2:It just made me feel even better because, again, people mean so well. But the second you mention to someone you're about to get neck surgery oh, I wouldn't do that, says the person who has no idea what it feels like to be you and or your symptoms, or has seen your MRI. And then I have to defend myself about the things that they think I should do differently. And so just Dr Jeff, who I know is one who is not going around saying to everybody surgery, surgery. I would imagine Dr Jeff, who I know is one who is not going around saying to everybody surgery surgery.
Speaker 2:I would imagine, Dr Jeff, that's the last thing that you probably recommend to people.
Speaker 3:It is so for you to say that, yeah, yeah, there are people who rush themselves into surgery thinking that everything's going to be perfect, and then it's not and they're disappointed. But then there are times that it is absolutely indicated and life has improved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's a miracle to even be able to do that. And so the fact that you could look at my MRI, which looks like just I can't even believe you guys can read those things, by the way. And then, and then I shared the AI generated MRI results and you said, man, that looked really good, and but it just so. My celebration is I've never had surgery in my life. I broke an ankle one time, and that's about it. Yeah, I've never been under, never done any of that stuff. So, and I'm 55. So there's a part of me that just it is scary. But then I have done what I think most people would do in this situation, and I've gone to Google and YouTube and I've just seen so many, so many things that are of hope with what is coming, and so that's going to happen in two or three weeks. So that's the trip. It's going to happen very quickly, but that's so. My celebration is is odd. It's mixed, because I'm afraid but I'm also excited I'm going to make room for both of those.
Speaker 3:That's really cool. That's excellent. I'm excited for you to get on the other side of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me too, although they did. They do have to. Apparently they move your esophagus over to the side while they do the surgery. Oh simple, simple. But I was told that that might cause a little bit of difficulty in swallowing for a little bit. So then I thought maybe I'll lose a couple of pounds, you know yeah you definitely need it.
Speaker 3:Positive things. It's awesome. The only place you need to lose that is between your ears.
Speaker 2:Exactly what did you say earlier, because I lug around that big old head or whatever, which is true.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I have a celebration and it's kind of a mixed bag of things.
Speaker 3:I've been under a fair amount of stress lately because the people that help me in my office I usually have two mid-level providers that help me be able to take care of patients.
Speaker 3:Well, one moved away and the other one is out on a medical procedure, and it has taught me something and I'm grateful for it. It's been a hard thing to learn but I'm grateful for it, and that's to find out that, even though I feel like I'm a fairly capable person, I've realized I have limits and my own limits on doing this work as a physician. I get to a place where I have to take a break. I found my own stress is causing, you know, little things in my body like eye twitches and things like that that I've never had, because I've never had this amount of pressure and stress professionally, and so it's been an eye-opener and an eye-twitcher. But it's been good and something I'm celebrating to be able to find those limits and to be able to take better care of me, so then I can thereby take better care of my family, and that's my goal. To have a job anyway is to take care of my family.
Speaker 2:Well said, and, dr Jeff, it just brings up and we can put this for maybe another day. But I think sometimes I just want to see, can one be helped before they get to that point where they didn't know that it was as bad as it is, before you get the eye twitches, or because I think that we're just wired to think it's not that bad until your body finally says, okay, I will, I'll start twitching those eyes. Let's see what you think about that.
Speaker 1:Or having pain in my neck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, or my hands or whatever it is. Exactly, oh man yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, trisha had to have both of her hands operated this last year and she's way better now, but, oh my gosh, it was hard getting through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, mine. Thank you, gentlemen, that's awesome. Mine is I started a book club. I have never even been in a book club and now I'm the host. That's funny.
Speaker 2:You sit down and know how well it's done, trisha, that you've never even been in a book club, and now I'm the host. That's funny. You sit down and know how well it's done, tricia, that you've never even been in one.
Speaker 1:I assumed you were an old pro. I know Not at all, and I have 48 women in there.
Speaker 2:Wow, hey.
Speaker 1:And it's been great. So we've got this little quote corner, so we put quotes in the corner of you know, as we're reading, but I have it all broken down how many. We're starting off with the let them theory by Mel Robbins.
Speaker 1:Oh and next month we're going to read the atomic habits by James, clearly, and so that will be really fun and it's been great. So we've got a lot of people from our group that have been in there and we've got other people kind of mixed in, so it's a it's going to be a nice combination, but, yeah, it's been fantastic. I'm I'm loving it. It's taken some time but I'm loving it.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that so much Cause, yeah, the number of people that have shown up in the group for that has been phenomenal.
Speaker 1:I know it's been really I've been surprised. Actually I was thinking maybe 15 women, but no, we're almost up to 50.
Speaker 2:So that's pretty exciting women, but now we're almost up to 50. So that's pretty exciting, amazing. Can you hear that pounding, by the way, you guys? No, okay, the, the wonderfulness of a microphone, it's very loud. Can I just share a story that I have to get out and I'll make it so fast? Yes, okay, oh, it's so loud, it's so funny. So I'm in this, in in my office in Arizona. I'm in a set of salon suites. I make jokes to you guys all the time. I think that nothing says therapy like smelling a perm solution and burnt hair, right, that's not something I've run into before, but the suite behind you have neck issues.
Speaker 2:So the suite behind mine, there's a new, new people moving in and they have a whole bunch of different services and I looked them up on Instagram. I'm kind of excited to see if I can trade for some I don't know some Botox, some hypnotherapy, maybe a little massage. But they're building out their suite and I'm here on a weekend and that's when you're allowed to do all the work. You're also allowed to do the work after 7 pm. I know this is like such a waste of time story, but I have to say so. A couple of weeks ago I'm in here and I've got a couple coming in for the first time and we're going to do a two hour session and they're right there on my couch and it sure enough seven oh one. And it's like they it's like they fire up a chainsaw back there. You know, um, and it's right.
Speaker 2:And I'm trying to say I'm so sorry, you guys and we were all looking forward to this appointment. So they were saying it's okay, it's okay After about two or three minutes of this buzzsaw going on right in their ears. Then I just say I think we need to do this in the. There's a break room or a kitchen, so we go in there. It feels off, but still, I'm a pro, we're doing a great therapy. But at some point one of the women just comes in and she needs to fire up something in the microwave and so we just kind of pause anyway, and that just it's fascinating. So that's. I'm having a little PTSD right now from the very loud.
Speaker 1:Oh, shoot no we can't hear anything, so you're good.
Speaker 2:But cheese soft fires up that I might. I might have to go take this in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, we'll let you know if we hear anything. How's?
Speaker 2:that.
Speaker 1:Thank you, okay, yes, absolutely so, for our listeners.
Speaker 1:I want you to take a second right now and just think of one small win you've had this week, and it could be something as simple as drinking more water or just going for a hike outside, or just that you made it through a tough day Because every single time you focus on something positive, you get a dopamine dump, and that's what we want. We want to really start to focus on creating new neural pathways and every time you do celebrate a success, your brain not only releases a dopamine dump but it, like I said, reinforces that behavior, but it's also like giving your brain a mental high five, and again, that will strengthen those neural pathways. So I wanna do, before we get into our topic today, I wanna do this quick little exercise. I want you both and everybody else on the call that can hear, unless you're driving, you can still do this with your driving, but you can't do the second part.
Speaker 1:I want you to look around your room and I want you to look for anything that's blue. Just take 10 seconds. Look for anything that's blue, got it?
Speaker 3:Excellent, so now close your eyes, blue.
Speaker 1:Got it Excellent, so now close your eyes again. Unless you're driving, don't close your eyes, please. And without looking and opening your eyes, I want you to tell me how many yellow things you saw.
Speaker 2:Oh, you got me. I knew this, I knew Patricia.
Speaker 1:Okay, open your eyes. Obviously you weren't looking for yellow, so your brain ignored that color completely. But guess what? The yellow objects were there the whole time, right, they didn't just like appear now. So what just happens? What was your brain focusing on right now? And what is that? Is that called? Does any either one of you know?
Speaker 3:the brain was deciphering what it was told to do why, what's the system inside your brain?
Speaker 1:yes, what's the system called?
Speaker 3:the system inside your brain that does that is called the reticular activating system yes, and exactly what Jeff said.
Speaker 1:That's part of the brain that's responsible for filtering information and deciding what's important and what should be ignored. It's kind of like we talk about the RAS. The reticular activating system is like a gatekeeper and it determines what gets through to your conscious awareness and what gets left out. So, again, it filters out what you're not focusing on, even if it's right in front of you, and this happens in your daily life too. So if you're focused on stress and a lot of anxiousness, you'll miss opportunities for joy and connection that are right there. So I'm ready for Tony to do his yeah buts.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't even have any as a matter of fact. This is, yeah, when, when, when we were talking about this and I can jump in here now. But it's really interesting because I think that I have some material that I've wanted to podcast about for quite a while, but I just I don't think about it, and so it is not making it through the filter. And when you mentioned this is a potential topic, then it just brought a lot of uh a lot of light.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let me get to our uh, one more thing to share, and then we're going to get to our question, and then I can't wait to hear all the kind of way's a kind way to say, hey, not yet Again, old man You're jumping the gun here.
Speaker 2:Hang on a second.
Speaker 1:I love when you get excited about something.
Speaker 2:I am excited.
Speaker 1:Yes, because I am.
Speaker 1:So I want you to imagine you're walking in a restaurant and it's a very busy restaurant, just kind of like Tony's just talking about.
Speaker 1:He's got a lot of stuff going on in his office right there, but there's a lot of chatter, there's music playing, maybe a baby crying in the background, but all of a sudden someone calls out your name from across the room and through all the din you can hear. Your brain instantly picks up on your name and so is that again. That's that RAS, and it prioritizes what it believes is most relevant to you. So, like we just talked about, I'm so excited to dive into how the reticular activating system, or the RAS, can help you gain clarity, build confidence and make real progress towards your goals. And we want to stay till the end because we're going to show you how to train your brain to break free from stress and start focusing on what truly matters, and how to train your RAS to work for you, not against you. So today's episode is going to be absolutely mind-blowing, literally, and we've got this great listener question that's going to kick it off, and I can't wait to hear your guys' thoughts at the end or as we start to focus on this.
Speaker 2:I heard that at the end. The very end. Dr Jeff, you and I might get some scraps here.
Speaker 1:I'm going to just talk about all these other things that I don't want to hear to you for the very last minute, no, but.
Speaker 3:Well, my reticular activation system had kicked in and I wasn't hearing anything you said.
Speaker 2:Oh, and actually that will play into what I will talk about later, since you guys are a couple. I can't wait.
Speaker 1:Exactly so in Sarah's case, who we're going to hear from in just a moment, her RAS is currently filtering for overwhelm and negativity, because that's where her focus has been. But the good news, the RES is trainable. Okay, today's question comes from Sarah, and I know so many of you can relate, and she writes Hi Tricia, dr Jeff and Tony, I recently learned about the reticular activating system and it sounds absolutely fascinating. I understand it helps filter information so our brains don't get overwhelmed, but honestly, I feel like mine is filtering in all the wrong things Stress, negativity and just constant distractions. No matter how much I try to focus on my goals, I keep getting pulled back into worry, self-doubt and everything that's not helping me move forward. Is there a way to retrain my brain to focus on what actually matters and tune out all the noise? I'd love to hear your thoughts. So, first of all, sarah, that's such a great question and I think so many you're right can relate to feeling stuck and in that loop of stress and absolutely overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:So can I ask you a question real quick? Yes, I want to take notes to address there. She said she's focusing on worry, self-doubt, and what was, what was the other part?
Speaker 1:Worry stress and self-doubt.
Speaker 2:OK, perfect, thank you OK.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anxiousness yes.
Speaker 2:OK, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just was going to say that. You know we've talked about this kind of topic on past episodes, but today we're going to really focus on how to make real changes. You have the opportunity to really focus on the how and so we're really excited to try that.
Speaker 3:Is that what you mean? The how to change your RAS?
Speaker 1:Yes, how to change your brain. And so we're going to focus on how it is trainable. All right, Tony, if you have some thoughts, first go ahead.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, okay, so this will be interesting. So I used to, when I was speaking a lot more, and I'll just say pre-pandemic, there were a couple of different bits that I would start with, and one was I would talk about the difference between male and female, and with. And one was I would talk about the difference between male and female, and I would. There's one by this research from a professor, ruben Gur, this neurologist out of, I think, university of Pennsylvania. They would say when a man's brain was in resting state, 70% electrical activity was shut off. So if you ask him what he's thinking, he says nothing, literally nothing. But then, in the same resting state, a woman's brain is still active. So then if he's trained well and he says, oh, what are you thinking? And then she tells you. So that was the first one. But the second one was this concept called repetitive acoustic stimuli, which is really interesting, and so that was just one, where, over time, couples that had been together for a while, it's as if they started to filter out their communication as white noise. And so you see that I think, as a couples therapist, of literally not hearing each other and so having to be so intentional and then not taking offense when someone says were you even paying attention? And then having the courage for the other person to say, honestly, I thought I was, but I missed something. So I was even giving them the benefit of the doubt of this repetitive acoustic stimuli. And so, when AI started getting hot, I took this concept of repetitive acoustic stimuli and I started playing around with it in a particular AI that is based off of all evidence-based journals and periodicals called CLAWD. And then what CLAWD really helped me understand was and it pointed things back to the RAS, which I thought was really interesting and so I have this thing and I'm going to own this, that I'm going to read this. And I forgot I even had it until we were talking about this, but it was almost looking at the beginning of a. I was started writing a podcast about it and I just said so.
Speaker 2:You know how, when you first fall in love, every little thing about your partner captivates you the way they laugh, even the sound of their keys in the door makes your heart skip a beat. But over time, something fascinating happens in our brain, specifically in what's called the reticular activating system, or RAS, and I just said think of RAS as your brain's bouncer deciding on what information gets through to conscious awareness. Early in relationships and I love this concept your partner is like a VIP guest. Everything about them gets immediate attention. But as the years pass, your brain's bouncer starts treating their presence more like regular background noise, similar to how you might stop noticing the hum of your refrigerator. And so then I started writing about that. That's why couples married for decades can sit at the same breakfast table, one partner sharing something important and the other appears to be listening, but it's actually just processing their words almost like white noise. It's not intentional, it's your brain's efficiency system at work. So the same mechanism that helps you sleep through your partner's familiar snoring also might make you miss the subtle change in their voice when they're trying to tell you something meaningful, and so it's funny I'm saying so.
Speaker 2:What I said was, but I'm literally saying it now. The good news is that understanding this neurological process gives you powerful tools for keeping love spark alive, because by consciously varying our communication patterns and creating moments of genuine connection, then we can easily wake up our brain's attention system and start to truly hear each other again. So I took this repetitive acoustic stimuli, which would always draw a laugh, because if we've been together for a long time, yeah, our partner might start to sound like white noise, but all I had was that data, and then the more I was like, well, why is that? It pointed back to the reticular activating system. And so then when a couple is now communicating and somebody says, hey, did you even hear me? I'm going to go back to my fundamentals of the four pillars. I'm going to assume good intentions they're not trying to hurt me and I can't tell them they're wrong Cause, honestly, I didn't hear, I didn't hear them, and that I'm telling you.
Speaker 2:I've had a lot of couples this week and there was one yesterday, and they've been together for 40 years, and it is often the case that the guy says I honestly don't remember that and I've really helped the wife not do really like you honestly don't remember that or make it about, you don't care about me, and uh, and you and we were trading messages a little bit earlier today about this concept and I want to go back to that session now and then bring this concept up.
Speaker 2:I did talk about the repetitive acoustic stimuli, but I want to say that it's like it's the brain's efficiency system, and so just now. We need to note that and just be more intentional, because I what I keep telling them and other couples is you have to have courage to be known and you have to courage to know your partner. So the courage to be known is, if I don't see you reacting to my what I just said, then I have to have that courage to say hey, did you hear me? But but they need the tools for the guy to not, you know, view that as like oh, okay, you're right, I'm a horrible person, or will you never hear me? You know that kind of thing. So that's why I love this concept.
Speaker 3:You know, it's really interesting because I get people. Uh, usually a man has been sent in to see me by his wife who says he doesn't hear very well. There's a problem when I tell him things. He doesn't hear me.
Speaker 2:This is fascinating.
Speaker 3:And I need to get his hearing checked and get the things done so that we can make sure that my husband can hear me and hear me well. And there is some truth to also, as people age, especially men, are hearing changes to where the vocal range and the female registry it does decrease, so that's a real thing. But I've also had multiple men who've had their ears and their hearing tested Preston Pyshko and they don't have a big blockage in their ear canals. Their hearing is fine and yet their wives still say that he doesn't hear what I say.
Speaker 1:So this is just an excuse to ignore us Great.
Speaker 2:I mean, but it's a medical excuse for you to understand and this is a problem with our 17-year-old son.
Speaker 1:This is where we go.
Speaker 3:Yep, so it's interesting to hear this because I hadn't really heard of this acoustic-.
Speaker 2:Repetitive acoustic stimuli.
Speaker 3:Repetitive acoustic stimuli, although I can understand it. It's like if you live next to where the train tracks and you don't even hear the train going by anymore. That's your RAS taking it out, and so I hear what you're saying and I didn't recognize it as something that happens in couples.
Speaker 2:Well, and what's funny, dr Jeff, is I used to home teach this couple in the town I used to live in in California. Literally lived, literally train track, maybe 20 feet from their backyard, and that train would come blowing through and they would just keep talking and I remember just saying are you guys kidding me right now?
Speaker 2:Like come on, yeah, and it was mind blowing to me. And then I always thought, oh, they're just so embarrassed about it that they just pretend that it didn't happen. But you know repetitive acoustic stimuli. They lived there 20 years.
Speaker 1:Wow. I know Probably didn't have a lot of uh years. Wow, I know you probably didn't have a lot of Gus Right.
Speaker 2:All I wanted right then and I don't drink tea, but I wanted a teacup, I just wanted it to rattle in the thing and I wanted the spoon to shake so bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, so this is actually. Thank you so much for sharing that. That was fascinating.
Speaker 2:Mine or Dr Jeff's Mine right.
Speaker 1:Well I You're always here because you shouldn't hear mine. That's right. I didn't hear what he just said.
Speaker 3:No, but I didn't know that that was really.
Speaker 1:It makes sense. That really does make sense and we've been married 37 years and I think we both can kind of appreciate that at times, definitely. But this is a great segue into a question I want to ask Jeff now, and it's what is the RES and how does it filter information?
Speaker 3:Oh wow. It's such a big topic because there's so much to it. I mean, you're talking about four different neurotransmitters that work together to try and get that to keep that all working.
Speaker 3:But the main- purpose for the reticular activating system. Yeah, I know so much about it I can't say it. Anyway, the RAS receives input from the sensory nerves, which include the eyes and ears and touch and so on, even your stomach and visceral systems, and it filters it out. So like if you've got an abdominal pain, but it's just a little one and it just sort of comes and goes. You'll figure out how to work past that so that you don't really even notice it, but it's still there and then if it becomes really loud it'll pop up through your reticular activating system through to your frontal cortex and say hey, something's going on, I need to do something about it.
Speaker 3:So it helps regulate our sensory input and wherever that's coming from eyes, ears, abdominal somatic areas like your wrist if you twisted it funny the other day and it hurts, but it's not that bad, or it really hurts or if you happen to have a nerve pinch that's making your arm go to sleep or really hurting, like somebody we know then that'll come through your reticular activating system and become now very prominent and loud in your system, in the conscious part of your understanding. So other things that it does is it helps regulate sleep-wake cycles really important than that Helps your body respond to the environment. So if it's cold, you go and get something to put on, if you're hungry, things like that. It helps with fight or flight. So if you're having problems with a spouse or a person putting a gun to your head and you get into that time where you either fight, fight, well, fight, fight. That's two fights, right Fight, flight which means run away.
Speaker 3:There's also freeze, and then the other one Tony brought up before was fawn. So, you just yeah. It manages those. And whatever you've done in the past, you'll probably do again because of the RAS.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm going to step. Thank Okay, I'm going to step. Thank you, I'm going to step in here just for a minute too. So also your brain is bombarded with approximate. I can't say this word either Approximately.
Speaker 1:Approximately Thank you, thank you 11 million bits of information per second, but your conscious mind can only process about 40 to 50 bits per second. So that means that your reticular activating system, or your RES, plays a crucial role in filtering out what's irrelevant and it highlights what it deems important based on what you're focused on Now. Your RES is so powerful because it determines what gets through like we talked about your conscious and awareness and what gets ignored. It starts to highlight certain things in your mind. So whatever you tell your brain to focus on is what it will scan your environment and it will bring those things to the forefront. It's not a judge, it just follows your lead and it doesn't distinguish between positive and negative input.
Speaker 1:So if you're constantly focused on stress and negativity kind of a little bit like Sarah or self-doubt your RAS will filter the world again to show you more of the stress, the doubt. But if you train it to focus on gratitude and opportunities and solutions, it'll start to filter those things out instead. There's a guy by the name of Jim Quick and he once said if you knew how powerful your mind really was, you would never, ever have a negative thought again, and I want you to think about that. Your brain is capable of filtering reality in a way that either keeps you stuck or sets you free. Today, that's exactly what we're going to focus on is how to control that filter. So, with you, tony, I want you to think about from a therapist point of view how do you see the RAS affecting people's self-worth and confidence?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I appreciate this too, and I know that people can have different opinions on this, because this is where I get up on my soapbox and I talk about CBT versus ACT, acceptance and commitment therapy, because and I know that CBT works for for a lot of people and then just the quick primer again, if somebody doesn't even know if they want to exist, then and they go get help, then CBT is amazing because it identifies your wrong thoughts you know your automatic negative thoughts, your stinking thinking and it says what would a different thought be, what would a better thought be? And I have been reminded, because I was a CBT therapist for seven or eight years, that that is a great place to begin, but I think, the longer that I work with people, then people, though, are saying okay, that isn't working, because I'm trying to be happier, I'm trying to choose to be happy, and it's not working. So I must be really broken, which has moved me into the world of act, which is you are the only you, so you think and feel the way you do, so there's an acceptance that I am thinking a certain way. So I still think either of those could fit into here, because if you, if you have no idea what, how to work with this. I think it is helpful and this is where Trisha and I talk often, where I love about life coach and therapist.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of times a good life coach is going to say here's a good plan. This is, let's start you doing this, and the person can have a runway of success and say, okay, give me some more ways that I can think about this. But at some point then, if they are struggling to think of things and to be happy, then I want to jump into this world of like, check that out, you're not doing it wrong, it just is. So I'm accepting the fact that these are the things that I'm focused on and nothing's wrong with me. I'm not broken. And when I try to not think about them, it's like don't think about the white polar bear. Everybody does so.
Speaker 2:So what I like about Sarah's question and why I asked earlier about, okay, what was it that she was saying? Again, I just want to make sure I get this right Is that I think sometimes, if you're, if you are continually noticing the things that are causing you stress and you're having a hard time just making room for them or thinking of something else. This is where I'm at this crossroads of body keeps the score of. Is your body trying to say, okay, but you can't just ignore this. Are you in an unhealthy relationship? Do you not like your job? Are you struggling with your faith or your career, or you feel like you aren't a good parent? So I can't just say, no, I'm going to be the best parent I can today.
Speaker 2:If I don't really know how that even works and I even think about this, like with what's going on with my structural issues, with my, my neck and back, I can't think my way out of this one, and so I do.
Speaker 2:You know I need help with that, and so I would love for somebody like Sarah to then take a look at what are those things that do keep coming up, cause, is it your body keeps the score and is it saying that, hey, but you can't just think you're white.
Speaker 2:You can't just decide to be happy when you aren't happy in your marriage, or you can't be just decide to be happy as a mom. If you feel overwhelmed as a mom, now granted, I think you can notice things that you like about being a mom, but if, overall, you feel stuck and I think this is where that crossroads is of, where the challenge can be. So I just want to just for my contribution today is just to first take a look at what are those things that do keep causing you stress or keep coming up because I'm so on board with what we're talking about. If I keep focusing on those and that and they do overwhelm me, then that is something where my I like what you're saying, trisha my reticular activation system is going to say, oh, is this what we do? We're going to look for all the things that I'd feel overwhelmed about, but are those things I'm feeling overwhelmed about, things that then I need to go and seek help from a doctor, a coach, a therapist?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So this is so fantastic and this is one of the things that we really talked about in our group, because that is the group that they're dealing with emotionally immature people and so obviously you're not going to be like, okay, you need to just think of all these positive things and be a Pollyanna and everything's going to work out great in your life. So we really focused on when they are having that self-doubt, when they're focusing on the things that are they're really struggling in their life, how to retrain that brain and thinking I am learning how to attract emotionally safe people in my life. So it's still you can accept the fact that you're in this really bad relationship, but the more that you focus on the negative and how sad and depressed and awful life is, that's what your life, that's what your world is going to continue to be part of. But if you can retrain your brain, reframe it and start to focus on, you know what I might be in this situation. But what am I learning? How am I growing? Can I jump in there before?
Speaker 2:something.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, something's going to leave my mind and I think that this might be like really cool that we can again go back to. I like what you said there about. Oh man, it did it, it left. Can I blame it on Dr Jeff? Yeah, it's my fault.
Speaker 2:Okay, but okay, but I'm going to get it back, though. It's like so when somebody so I had a client this week that the more we were talking about these great tools I always want to encourage my clients to say I don't know what you're talking about. That takes courage, or I lost you there. And this client kept going back to the man I am hearing you and you seem excited about it. I'm missing this, and so I almost feel like that's the difference of where. Then at that point it's almost like an acceptance that I'm not able to point, like if we're oh, there it is.
Speaker 2:If we're working on I'm going to learn how to spot emotionally mature people is. If we're working on I'm going to learn how to spot emotionally mature people, love it, because that would give me a dopamine bump and personally I would feel like, okay, that gives me a task, I'm going to learn how to do that. But then if somebody feels you know immediately, like they're saying okay, I don't know if I can even do that, or I'm not even sure how, or we start talking about what are signs of an emotionally mature person, and then their brain immediately goes to I don't think I've ever seen that in my life, what is wrong with me? And then I think that's where then I want to step in and say okay. That's where it takes courage to then say all right. And I think so often people just they do. They want to just say, okay, I just want this so bad. I want to look at the positive and I want to choose happiness every day, but then when it isn't working, they're not broken.
Speaker 1:Right, there's nothing wrong with them. Yeah, so go along with that. Louise Hayes talks about how, if you were to take one thing that you wanted to focus on, say, I will strengthen my voice, and if you were to say that a hundred times a day.
Speaker 1:Within three months that becomes such a part of your life. You have a stronger voice, and so I appreciate what you're saying, because that's exactly what we're helping these women find these tools and like when I'll have like a seven-day application challenge. So once I have taught these concepts, I then have them apply them in their life for seven days so they can see what that feels like, they can try that on. But it's also even like and you want to say I will, because your brain can't tell the difference between future and your what's happening today, and so it's whether that will become your reality the more you say I will. And so one of the another thing that we had them do is I had them look six months into the future and I had them take one thing that they wanted to focus on, but they had to say I will. So that is training that brain. Not I can, I should, I want to, it's I will.
Speaker 1:So it's much more of a commanding experience, and it was interesting to hear what some of them had to say about how powerful that was, because they saw them in a different relationship. They saw them in a healthy space, and I think sometimes we're not giving our brain an opportunity to, even, we're not even allowing ourselves to get out of that negative space and see even what's possible. So that's what I'm trying to do is help them focus on or refocus on. Yes, you may be in these situations and they're awful and they, you know, you may not find that there's a way out, but you get to focus on you so it's not, you're not focusing on your partner and if it's in a you're in a bad relationship. You get to focus on things that strengthen you, your own confidence, and how to do that and the steps to make that happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love everything about it and I know that you and I've had so many of these conversations and I know that my brain immediately goes to and for anyone that is struggling with that, give me a call, you know, cause it's like that's the right tool and maybe I start. Maybe I see the people that then are saying, oh my gosh, I must be next level broken If I'm seeing others around me get excited and embrace the tool and I still can't. And that's all that's bringing awareness to.
Speaker 1:And we had women on there, so we really walked them through that process of yes, you have to acknowledge where you're at.
Speaker 1:You have to appreciate. Yeah, I'm in this space right now and I don't like it, but by focusing on what gratitude gratitude is huge really changes the brain. It really helps you, you know. And celebrations when you focus on celebrations, what does that do? It totally activates your RAS and your brain starts to take note of that win that you did that day.
Speaker 1:I mean, how often do we go to bed and it's like, oh, I didn't get this done. I felt short hair. I yelled at my child rather than, wow, how long did it take before I did yell at my child? I was so patient. And then I, you know, I mean, there's some really key points that are really positive. And so you know, those are the wins, those are the things, that, just those simple steps.
Speaker 1:What did you do well today? How did you show up for yourself today? And then they're like oh, because obviously you know you can, if I were to ask, you know, give me a list of the things that you didn't get done or you fell short they would definitely have those all ready to go. But unfortunately and the thing is is that our brains have been trained, we're wired to be negative because if you think about way back when, when you were trying to eat off the land and, you know, kill animals, I mean, you were always looking for danger. You're always looking for the challenges in life and the trials. So we are programmed to focus on anything negative and so we have to work extra hard to look at the positive things.
Speaker 3:I like Tony's way of saying that our brain is an amazing do not get killed device, and that's what you're talking about there. And so you're looking for danger, and danger comes in many forms. It comes in forms the physical, like you're talking about there, and so you're looking for danger, and danger comes in many forms. It comes in forms the physical, like you're talking about, where you walk into when you're a caveman back in those days that the saber-toothed tiger is right around the corner, is going to jump you. So you have to be prepared for that All the way to now, where you walk in the door, door and you're not sure if your spouse is going to be present or have some criticism of you or whatever it is that you're worried about, and so you're immediately in fight, flight, freeze or fawn before you even walk in the door, the door, and so these are things that everybody has to figure out, how they're going to react, and having time and giving yourself time and space to decide how you're going to react before it happens helps a lot too.
Speaker 1:Well, and the other thing too. It's like how often do we wake up and we're anticipating the stress or the conflict of the day or the chaos and what we're going to be, or the conflict of the day or the chaos and what we're going to be, how our day's gonna go, and that is your feeling of feeling unseen. And how often do we kind of replay back those moments of pain and, rather than taking a look at how did I handle a situation, celebrating any progress that you've made, and so that's what I'm also want to focus on as well. It's like even in relationships and so often, especially in our group it's they take on the role of what have I done wrong? What do I need to change? I need to change, and so, allowing yourself to remember you have so much goodness inside of you and it's just taking that out and focusing on what that goodness looks like for you.
Speaker 3:And so how do you, how do you handle when you find yourself in a spot where a client is stuck in a place where they don't want to get out of that negative space, where they're focused on blaming their spouse or they're focused on looking for every negative thing that they might do. How do you help them out there?
Speaker 1:Well, a lot of times that's in their fight or flight, they're in the hyper mode, and so that's their critter brain. What I try to do is I kind of refocus the direction that they're navigating to and will completely change to share three things that you're grateful for, because you're trying to get out of that loop and back into that prefrontal cortex, and that put that CEO back online. And so it's amazing how, even if I'm like you know, share something that really awesome that happened this week, anything to like get them to shift out of that. And then, because it's hard to work with someone when they're in that space, and so same question to you and this is what I love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is such a good question and and where Tricia and I will, and again, there's no disagreement here. But it's like, of course, where I find my brain going is that is someone in that situation I'm going to, I'm going to sit with them in that, because most likely that's been the case for long enough, that that is their implicit memory, or what it feels like to be them, and based off of all that slow residue of their lived experience. So then, even in and this is the challenge I have with CBT, is that, even if I and I so love what Trish is saying, but if I'm trying to get them to think of those kinds of things, or good things, or positive things, that then that's, is that a me issue? I want to feel like this is a productive session, and so then are they looking for my validation, and so they might say, okay, no, you're right, this is something that's happened. And then I feel good when they leave therapy. But then they leave, and then I and I guess I've got enough experience with just that kind of that particular population where, over time, you know, I just it doesn't they either they'll slowly slide away from therapy or they will then really open up to me and say, okay, I can do this here, I might feel good while I'm here, but then when I go back home, then why can't I keep this going? And so I know that it's just a little bit more of the maybe the long-term approach to I'm going to wait that, I'm almost going to wait that out, cause at that point they most likely haven't felt really heard or seen by anybody. And so then I'm going to be the one you know I will hear them, I will see them.
Speaker 2:And I remember still, even back to my internship and having this mentor, dr Jerry Harris, who just said that person continually needs somebody to empathize with them until they finally feel seen or heard.
Speaker 2:And then and it's funny, it can take a long time before then. And I still remember this you know my origin story of a client that I, I heard them for so long that then they finally said, man, does it sound like I just am hopeless or I make a bunch of excuses, and that took so long to get there. That then, and I was able to say, well, what do you think? And what would that look like? And do you want me to be the excuse killer and and we made little bits of progress. So this is just sometimes where I think that why I talk about I love seeing a good life coach that can really motivate, and my joke is always that and then I'll be there when they don't feel like they can or it isn't resonating with them, and then I'll step in and say, okay, now we're dealing with some stuff that's deeper under the surface, because they most likely felt that way for so long that that is what it feels like to be them.
Speaker 1:So just to interject for a second. Yeah, so just to interject for a second. One of the things that I would like to just reiterate is when I am working with clients we have already gone into all of the tell me more, share your feelings and then we go into that deep space. But when they're in that space, it's hard to focus on how to move forward. And so once we get into, you know there's this, this interim that I have seen actually with my clients. So we have our celebrations, that's what we focus on at the beginning, but then I'm like, okay, now share with me what's happening, and so they usually have an instance. That's that goes on. So we talk all about that, share their feelings, get that all out. But then, when we're starting to focus on steps to take to move forward that's the point that I'm trying to say is that's I need to shift them at a critter brain Totally.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So then they can be able to no arguments.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now they can hear what we're talking about and they can start to think about and apply some of these things in their own life, and they usually come up with them on their own, and so, but if we stay in that space, they can't. They leave in that space, and that's not what I want them to do. I want them to have hope. I want them to feel like oh my gosh, this can work for me. This is something that I'm excited to do more of.
Speaker 1:But the other thing is is like one of the things that we're talking about in our group on Thursday, but the other thing is is like one of the things that we're talking about in our group on Thursday. It's I don't want to feel ignored, so I will surround myself with emotionally available people, or I don't want to be in another toxic relationship, so I will prioritize my emotional well-being in relationships, and so it's focusing on their situation. But still, what do they want instead and how to get that instead? Give them the steps so they can focus on that instead. So that's where I go with that.
Speaker 3:I love listening to both of your approaches.
Speaker 2:I know right.
Speaker 3:Because it's differences in training, differences in philosophy, and I love them both. I think that they're very effective. It's interesting because when I'm in a place where a person is stuck and they have a belief that something's a certain way, they could expand that belief a little bit. My approach is very much different.
Speaker 3:I had a patient this week who had waited for three to four weeks to be able to come and see me, and so they had saved up multiple issues that they wanted to handle at the same time. Well, that's okay, except there's not enough time for all that. So you have to make a decision on what you're going to take care of, and he was unhappy with me because I didn't do them all, because he had waited all this time, and so it was interesting to be able to talk through. Okay, I want to care for you, I want to make sure that this is taken care of, but I only have this much time because every other person today has waited the same amount of time. So it's been an interesting thing to watch as you help people manage those reactions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really good. So I think Tony had to leave, but I think that you've got to have those expectations too, and I think that if you don't, then patients will come in and you'll be there for an hour. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I think I'd like to discuss this on another podcast, and we've kind of been putting some thought to this of what I can do to help patients have the best doctor visits possible. I know we've kind of touched on it a little bit in the past, but it's something I think that it can be really helpful and it can go over into your discussions with your therapist or your life coach or whomever is, to just have yourself prepared, and I can give you some quick tools that might be really helpful for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're excited for that episode, definitely Well, excellent. One of the things that I'd like to go through is how do we retrain our AS and what are some methods? We can use, one of the things that it's called filter and it's kind of these acronyms that you can think of, you can remember, and it will help guide you through this process. So the first one is F. So filter, f and that's focus. So you want to be clear on what you want to see more of. The more specific you are with your brain, the more it's going to remember. So the more specific you are in your instructions.
Speaker 1:If it's like I just want to lose weight, well, is that going to give your brain enough instructions to follow through with losing weight? No, you have to break that down. What do you want to do? You want to crowd out more of the unhealthy foods and incorporate more of more veggies and more fruits. How many times a week do you want to exercise and how long do you want to exercise and what kind of exercise do you want to do? Those are the things that you need to be more specific with and that will also allow you to have more success. Because you have written things down. You've got a plan in place. If you just got this thing in your head I just want to lose weight. Well, that's just not enough information, so you have to set that intention. Do you have anything to say, jeff, about?
Speaker 3:focus. Nope, that sounds great.
Speaker 1:Okay, so if you have any thoughts, let me know okay.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Number two is I identify, recognize the patterns you've been reinforcing. Are you constantly talking about what's going wrong and are you scrolling through negativity online? The first step to changing what you see is acknowledging what you've been focusing on. So those are the next steps. What are your behaviors? What are the patterns that you have put in your life that are something that is not working for you? It's creating a pathway that's not helping you move forward.
Speaker 1:Number three is L look for evidence. So your brain needs proof, just like you get to create your own environment every day and whatever input you choose to put in, it is what it's going to be focusing on. So if you wake up and you're all negative and having a hard day and everything's terrible and awful and sometimes we have those days and we have to allow ourselves to sit in it and that's okay but then your brain is gonna be focusing on pulling in all that negative input. But if you want to feel confident, then you start looking for small moments where you have been confident. And if you want to believe people are kind, pay attention to simple acts of kindness. So I we had a podcast on that a couple of weeks ago. Number four is train daily. So this isn't a one and done thing. You have to train your RAS consistently. You want to visualize, you want to focus on affirmations, just kind of like if you talked about Louise Hayes. She talks about having one thing that you think about every single day and you say it in your brain a hundred times a day and then before long, that is what your brain now recognizes and it's part of your brain. It's more cemented, but those affirmations and writing them down, your goals down daily, that strengthens your neural pathways so you can focus on what you want.
Speaker 1:Number five is E eliminate distractions. This is a hard one because there's distractions everywhere. You know you get on your phone. What do you start doing? You start getting on Facebook, you start scrolling Instagram. It's hard. Yes, it totally is squirrel and it's doing quite a number on our kids. You know we've talked about we've had an episode on that but they're not learning how to be able to focus on one thing at a time because they're learning how to do all these multitasking and that's really hard on your brain. So you want to cut out what isn't serving you. Like I said, if watching the news leaves you anxious, limit it. If social media makes you feel like you're not enough. Take a break. Take a social break. Your RAS works best when it isn't cluttered by distractions.
Speaker 1:So number six is R reframe. And this is what I was talking about with Tony is how to reframe. You want to shift how you think about challenges. Instead of I always mess up, say I'm learning and growing. Instead of nothing ever works out for me, say I am finding new ways to succeed. Your RES will look for evidence to support that new belief and even just some things that I shared in our group with the Emotionally Mature partners. It's today. I will notice small ways I am respected. I will look for signs that I am healing. So those are things that are going to be really important too. And when we talked about celebrations at the beginning, we've kind of talked about that a little bit throughout. Celebrating is huge because it helps you focus on anything good that's going on in your life. Even if you've had a really crummy, terrible day, there's got to be one thing that you can pull out that is a win for you, and those are some things that I'd really like you to focus on. Do you have any thoughts, jeff?
Speaker 3:I just want to let you know that I'm learning and growing myself. So thanks for reminding me that and we can all keep ourselves in a place where we give ourselves grace for doing exactly that we're learning, we're growing, we're being our best selves at any given moment, and give yourself grace for having a bad day, but also that you can re-challenge yourself each day to make the next one better. So keep up the good work, everyone.
Speaker 1:Perfect, that's great, okay, excellent, and we are all learning and growing, and that's the key if you want to continue learning and growing. I had a birthday this last week and I told my mom thank you, but I told my mom that I wasn't going to have any more birthdays. And she goes well, then you'll be dead. And I thought, okay, that's not what we really want, but I just thought that was so funny. So if you're not learning and growing, then you're dead, right?
Speaker 3:So don't be dead.
Speaker 1:All right, everyone. So let's do a recap. Your RAS is your mental filter. You can retrain it to filter for positivity, growth and opportunity for using the filter system Now. You can also train it to be in a negative, stressful, doubtful cycle as well. You get to choose what that looks like for you. So here's my challenge. What's one thing you will train your RAS to focus on this week and we'd absolutely love to hear some of your thoughts and remember to celebrate your wins, because that is when it reinforces your brain, that that is a positive thing. So I just want to thank you all for joining us today. Thank Tony, he had to leave, but please hit subscribe and send your questions to Trisha Jameson coaching at gmailcom. Thank you so much, everyone.
Speaker 3:See you next time Bye everybody, Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, Delighted to share today's gems of wisdom with you. Your questions light up our show, fueling the engaging dialogues that make our community extra special. Keep sending your questions to trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom. Your curiosity is our compass. Please hit subscribe, spread the word and let's grow the circle of insight and community together. I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off. Stay curious, keep thriving and keep smiling, and I'll catch you on the next episode.
