The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
61. Befriending Your Nervous System: A Conversation with Trauma Expert Leah Davidson
What if the overwhelm, anxiety, and exhaustion you're feeling aren't signs of weakness, but your body's brilliant attempt to protect you? In this illuminating conversation with nervous system resilience coach Leah Davidson, we dive deep into the hidden language of your nervous system and how it shapes everything from your sleep quality to your ability to trust after betrayal.
Leah explains why our nervous systems toggle between hyperarousal (anxiety, irritability, racing thoughts) and shutdown (numbness, exhaustion, disconnection) when we perceive danger. She demystifies the vagus nerve—that mysterious communication highway carrying messages between brain and body—and reveals why 80% of these signals travel from body to brain, not the other way around. This explains why trying to "think yourself calm" rarely works as effectively as bottom-up approaches like breathwork and movement.
For those struggling with sleep issues, Leah offers a powerful reframe: "Your sleep is usually indicative of your nervous system state throughout the day." Sleep difficulties after betrayal trauma aren't coincidental—they're directly connected to your body's heightened vigilance. The good news? Your nervous system is remarkably adaptable, and with consistent practice, you can rewire those protective patterns.
Perhaps most reassuring is Leah's compassionate reminder that dysregulation isn't a character flaw but an adaptive response: "It's not because I was broken. It's because I brilliantly adapted to whatever was going on in my world that was very overwhelming." Through simple daily practices, community connection, and self-compassion, you can gradually create more safety in your nervous system and access the resilience that's always been within you.
Ready to befriend your nervous system and transform your relationship with stress? Subscribe to the Q&A Files for more conversations that blend cutting-edge science with practical wisdom.
Have a question for us? Email trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com—your curiosity might spark our next episode!
Is your marriage on the rocks? Schedule a free 30 min consult with Trisha, the "marriage whisperer!" Email her at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com today!
If you’re looking to dive deeper into nervous system regulation, resilience, and self-growth, Leah Davidson is an incredible resource. Here’s where you can connect with her and explore her work:
Website:
Instagram:
Facebook:
Join the Nervous System Journaling Club:
Connect with a community of like-minded individuals and dive into nervous system regulation practices.
Check Out Her Resilience Journal on Amazon:
Part of the Resilient Brilliance brand—this guided journal is designed to support nervous system regulation, mindfulness, and self-care.
Mental Health Journal for Anxiety Relief, Stress Management & Personal Growth (BlueGrey)
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the ultimate health and wellness playground. I'm your host, tricia Jamieson, a board-certified functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner, ready to lead you through a world of health discoveries. Here we dive into a tapestry of disease prevention to nutrition, exercise, mental health and building strong relationships, all spiced with diverse perspectives. It's not just a podcast, it's a celebration of health, packed with insights and a twist of fun. Welcome aboard the Q&A Files, where your questions ignite our vibrant discussions and lead to a brighter you. Welcome back, wellness warriors, to another episode of the Q&A Files. I'm Tricia Jamieson, your host, a functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner and a life coach. And, as always, I have with me our awesome Dr Jeff, our birth-certified family physician. So glad to have you here with me today, jeff.
Speaker 2:Hey, glad to be here.
Speaker 1:So, before we dive in, we like to start with some celebrations. We love talking about a moment to acknowledge our wins are big or small, anything in between, because celebrating is actually a form of nervous system regulation. And I've invited Leah and we're going to talk. I'm going to introduce her in just a minute, but I want her to join us in a celebration. So, leah, our listeners don't know exactly who you are yet, but I'm just going to throw you into the loop here with us.
Speaker 2:Right under the bus.
Speaker 3:That's right. That's right. I'm all nervous. Already my nervous system is getting activated. I can feel it.
Speaker 1:But I love how much, how intentional you are about noticing the good, and that's something that I like to do as well, but I think that you know you do such a great job with that. So what's something you're celebrating today?
Speaker 3:I am celebrating the sunshine and I truly I thought of this before I got on this call that spring is my favorite season Because to me, it represents hope. You know, when I went for my walk this morning, the sun was coming up. I started to see little buds on the tree and it's a reminder. You know, I live in, I live in Canada and in Toronto, and we have a lot of gray, gray, gray winter days. The sun is out, the buds are going. It's a reminder of new beginnings. Every day is a fresh start. Every day is a new start and it just makes me feel, I mean, the sun has so many benefits, but just the idea that here we go, we're starting into spring.
Speaker 1:Yay, we woke up to snow yesterday, but the sun is shining today and the snow has melted, so that's good.
Speaker 3:That's right. Well, we had a ton of snow. It's all melting. That's the other thing I commented on, actually, to my husband the other day. I was like how is it possible that we had several feet of snow and it all gets absorbed into the earth and here we are. It's clear again. It's just such a marvelous thing. Nature is incredible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, seriously so good. Oh, I love that. Thank you, just makes me smile.
Speaker 2:It sure is. Well, I'm just going to go next, if that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yes, you go.
Speaker 2:Okay. So it's funny because my celebration also is about sunshine, but it's for a different reason. When I am seeing blue sky, I think of flying. I'm a private pilot and I have hopefully an opportunity to get in an airplane today and maybe do a little flying around and that might be something. And that's where I see sort of the God's eye view of the world and things and it just gets me to a happy place. And so that's my celebration today is being in the happy place.
Speaker 1:Oh, fantastic, I love both of those answers. Well, I'm going to pile on with a celebration, and this includes both of you. So I'm so excited because we are just six months away from our Italy trip, and Leah is basically the one in charge of all this. We've got a group going and we're going to be with amazing women and we're going to be in the most beautiful places in the world and we're going to talk more about that. And a special bonus is Dr Jeff and I will be going ahead of time. We'll be going early and we're going to be doing a cruise all the way around Italy.
Speaker 1:And we've always wanted to go to Europe, so our trip made it even more possible for Jeff and I to go now. So we are so excited.
Speaker 3:Well, I can't wait to hear more about your cruise. But, yes, europe. If you have not been to Europe, oh my gosh. And Italy is probably one of my most favorite countries in Europe. I can. I've been multiple times. I can return to it over and over and over. You are going to love it. I, I can guarantee that.
Speaker 2:I can't wait for the food.
Speaker 3:Oh, exactly, yeah, yeah, there's nothing like food in Italy.
Speaker 2:There will be no dieting while we are on this cruise.
Speaker 1:And it's funny because I just did a recent episode on all the junk preservatives in American food. So we are really excited to go taste some real food.
Speaker 3:Everything's fresh, everything's in the markets. Yeah, it's amazing.
Speaker 1:Okay, so exciting. So we've got some fun things that we're going to be looking forward to coming up here in the next few months. But I seriously cannot wait for this conversation today because, speaking of resilience and let's be honest, international travel takes a lot of nervous system regulation right. So I think conversation is going to be such a gift to our listeners. Now let me tell you why I'm so excited for today's guest.
Speaker 1:Leah Davidson is not just an expert in her field, she's also a great friend of mine. We first connected through class by Jodi Moore we both took, and since then I've had the privilege of learning from Leah through multiple trainings on her nervous system resilience programs. I'm currently in her connections group and I absolutely love it and I've learned so much. We're going to talk more about the connections group, but Leah is a nervous system resilience coach and speech language pathologist with over 26 years of experience, particularly in the area of traumatic brain injury. She's the host of the Building Resilience podcast and offers an advanced nervous system resilience training as well as a monthly membership called Connections, where she helps people learn to befriend their personal nervous system. She's also the founder of Resilient Brilliance, a stationary brand focused on emotional well-being and nervous system care.
Speaker 1:Leah is deeply passionate about helping people regulate their nervous system, reduce stress, build resilience and uncover their purpose. She lives in Toronto with her husband and their blended family of five grown kids, and when she's not coaching, she loves traveling, and boy has she traveled all over the place, and we just need to have a podcast just for some of these amazing places that she's gone to, Cause she talks about them, she loves to journal walk and she even doodles her nervous system as well. So, leah, welcome to the Q&A Files. We are so thrilled to have you here.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited to hear from you.
Speaker 3:I'm so excited to be here. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Regulate that nervous system a little bit right now.
Speaker 1:So we can get those breathing techniques.
Speaker 3:But you know, a little bit of activation is perfectly appropriate when you're getting into the mode of talking and sharing. And that's not all. Energy activation is bad as long as we're grounded in safety and I'm all good because I'm with friends and I love it, Right, Okay?
Speaker 1:Well, we are excited because we've got an incredible listener question today from Lexi, and I think so many people are going to relate to what she's experiencing. So she writes I keep hearing about nervous system regulation, but I don't fully understand what it means. Is it just about managing stress, or does it affect more than that? How do I know if my nervous system is dysregulated? I feel like I'm constantly overwhelmed. Sometimes I shut down completely and other times I'm anxious, irritable or reactive. It feels like I'm either on or off, with no in between.
Speaker 1:Lately I've also been struggling with sleep. I either can't sleep or fall asleep at all because my mind won't shut off, or I crash from exhaustion but still wake up feeling unrested. I've also heard the vagus nerve plays a role in this, but I don't really understand how. What exactly is the vagus nerve and how does it affect my emotions, energy levels and sleep? Also, I've had some betrayal trauma in my past and I've noticed that sleep my sleep struggles got worse after that experience. Does betrayal trauma have anything to do with why I'm not sleeping well? I want to feel more in control, but I don't know where to start. Can you help so?
Speaker 2:let's Holy smokes.
Speaker 1:First of all I don't know where to start Such a loaded question, such a loaded question, and I want to thank you-.
Speaker 2:It's not just one question. That's about 10. That's about 10.
Speaker 1:That's about 10.
Speaker 3:It's a whole class in nervous system right there.
Speaker 1:That's why it's so fantastic, and we're going to see what we can get through we can get through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but first of all, I just want to thank Lexi for her honesty and for sending in such a powerful question because, wow, just like we talked about, there's so many layers here and I know that this is something that you work with all the time. So, leah, let's break this down and start with the basics. When people hear the term nervous system regulation, they often assume it's just about stress relief. But you always say the nervous system flavors everything we do. That's right. The nervous system flavors everything we do. Lexi's describing something so many people experience feeling either overwhelmed and anxious or completely shut down. Can you explain why the nervous system operates this way and what's really happening inside the body?
Speaker 3:Right. Well, I wanna start Tricia first by just giving a bird's eye view of what the nervous system is, because I think part of the challenge is we all took our grade 10 biology class and we all sort of learned the basics, but we didn't really learn how the nervous system is important for us as humans and how to use our nervous system. So the nervous system is essentially the way the mind and the body communicate with each other and it is functioning behind the scenes. Like you said, it flavors everything. So if we think about its functioning, it is taking care of all the systems that need to be automatically run in your body. So your breathing, your digestion, your heart rate. The nervous system is regulating that and it is also in charge of your survival, and that's kind of a big task for it. And what it does is it is trying to make an assessment on a very unconscious level whether you're safe or whether you're in danger. So do I need to activate the alarms, so to speak, that we're in danger or am I considered safe? So you can think of your nervous system as almost like an alarm system in your house, a security system, a smoke detector. So it's always scanning, always on an unconscious level and as you know, tricia, you've done lots of training with me we look at it on three levels. It's checking out what's going on in my environment. It's checking on what's going on inside me and what's going on between us. So the three of us are sitting here and our nervous systems are looking environment. I'm in my own environment. I got the screen in front of me. I'm sitting on a chair, I sunshine is outside, what's going on inside me? Well, my heart's pumping a little bit. You know this is this needs some energy. I'm a little bit. There's a judgment side saying are you going to make a mistake? What are people going to think? So my stomach's a bit fluttery. So I'm feeling those things and reading what's going on between you. You're nodding at me now. Your face is very familiar, but I don't know, jeff. So my nervous system is like can I trust him? Do I like him? What's going on with him? Based system is like can I trust him? Do I like him? What's going on with him?
Speaker 3:Based on these unconscious things, my nervous system will send a signal of safety or danger. Now, if it senses safety, we're all good and we just move ahead and we feel all those thoughts and emotions where we're feeling like, yeah, I've got this going on, I'm confident, I feel good, I'm resilient, I'm patient. But if there's a flavor of danger, my nervous system is going to pick up on that and it's going to be watch out. Leah, we need to get a bit activated to protect you because there could be some danger there. So the protection that we first will go into is more of an activated state, and this is what people talk about with fight and flight, and it can be flavored like with some anxiety, with some worry, with some overthinking, but it could also be flavored with like some anger and irritation and frustration. So you notice energy rising in your body. That energy will come out in the kind of thoughts you have, the feelings, the actions, everything that you do. It can also either it gets tired of running, running, running or it feels so overwhelmed it can drop down into a state of protection again that is shut down and this is where, numb, disconnected, maybe, there's some hopeless, helpless feeling. The nervous system has these states of protection for our survival.
Speaker 3:Now, a couple of key things about why it's important to know that we have these states is, first of all, when we are in these states of protection, in a hyper aroused state or a hypo aroused state our thinking skills are mainly offline, and that's because, if we think we are in danger, all energy has to go towards taking care of my existence. I don't have time to be curious and compassionate and be thinking, you know, like problem solving and managing my time. No, it's like we're about to die. We got to save ourselves, and so the nervous system, the access to what I call our CEO, our thinking skills, is mainly cut off. The other thing for us to know is as brilliant as our nervous system is.
Speaker 3:It's not super sensitive with real and perceived threats and it's not great with time management. Everything is on the same time plane. There's no timestamp, so something could have happened to me 25 years ago and the nervous system doesn't know that it's not now. It feels like everything is happening now and it picks up on threats that often aren't threats. So instead of if you think of this, like we have an alarm system in the house, I want my alarm to go off when burglars are in the house. I don't want my alarm to go off every time the wind blows and my curtain moves, but our nervous system is constantly scanning and if that curtain moves, it's like you're in danger. You're in danger.
Speaker 3:So we need to be able to regulate ourselves, meaning get ourselves into a more relaxed zone so our CEO can come back on board and she can walk around saying board, and she can walk around saying there's no burglar here, it's just the curtains. And when that happens now we can get that. Well, what are we going to do about the curtains? Is this a big deal? Is this not a big deal? So that's the overall job of the nervous system. So, when we think of it, does it manage stress? Yes, but the main job is really teaching your body how to feel safe and what is safe versus what is danger.
Speaker 2:I think that's a very interesting piece where people that have PTSD let's just say they went to Vietnam and had some traumatic things happen there and they hear a thunderclap. All of a sudden they're on the floor with their head underneath their hands, hoping for the best, and yeah. So I find that interesting about the timeline and that you don't know the timeline. The brain doesn't understand the timeline. It doesn't understand.
Speaker 3:It hears that and right away, and that's essentially PTSD. Right, we get stimulated by different environmental cues, or cues within us, or cues between us that mimic something that has happened in the past. And right away, the nervous system, because there's no time stamp, it's right back in Vietnam. When there is you know the noise, it's right back there and it thinks you're in that same danger, even though we're like no, this is, you know, 2025. We're walking along you know our neighborhood road. It's a chopper that's above it doesn't know that.
Speaker 1:Right, and you hear those stories all the time.
Speaker 2:And, similarly, that you know when people have had trauma with a spouse or trauma with or anything that can trigger a memory that was detrimental to the system or somehow made your body or your mind feel you were unsafe. You don't even have to be unsafe, it just remembers it and sends the red flags up in the air and waves them really loudly.
Speaker 3:Exactly, I had that, you know, when you were talking about in relationships. So I've been married previously and I remember I've been married to my current husband now for 17 years and I remember at the beginning we had both experienced betrayal trauma and at the beginning we actually turned it into a little bit of a joke because things would trigger us. We actually turned it into a little bit of a joke because things would trigger us and our cue was to say to each other wrong marriage. Meaning that what we were being triggered about was nothing that was happening between us right now. It was something from our previous marriage that was getting triggered. And we made it a little bit lighthearted because I think the nervous system it helps relax when there's a bit of humor, helps diffuse events when something would happen and one of us would just be like wrong marriage, oh, that's right. It was a reminder to the nervous system. We're not back there, we're here with this person in this moment and this is what's going on.
Speaker 1:Well, so I really appreciate that. So it's not just about feeling calm or stressed, it's the lens through which we experience everything in life. That's right, yeah.
Speaker 3:Exactly, exactly. And that's powerful to understand, because we sometimes will be on ourselves like why can't I change that thought, why can't I just get over something? Or we'll even say to our partners or our children or our parents, you know, like, oh, just get over it, just move on. Just what's wrong? Why can't you let it go, why can't you change that thought, when a lot of it has to do with the nervous system? And unless you address it at the root of the nervous system, you're going to keep returning to those same stories over and over and over again.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and so, just like you're mentioning, it's our early life experiences or past trauma that affects the way someone's nervous system responds to it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, amongst other things. I mean we do like our nervous system starts developing when we're in utero, so that speaks to there's intergenerational things that get passed on as well. We don't remember so many of our experiences, but our body does, our nervous system does, and throughout our life, which is really crummy sometimes, really really crummy sometimes yeah.
Speaker 3:But the good news is is because of neuroplasticity, meaning that the brain and the nervous system have the ability to rewire and to change, that we can change new experiences. All the experiences that I am having right now and I will have in the future will continue to shape my nervous system as well, so that's very hopeful. Continue to shape my nervous system as well, so that's very hopeful.
Speaker 3:Most of us have trauma in our life, some people will have more than others and they often will feel like I'm broken, I'm not fixable, there's no hope for me and the beautiful, hopeful news is absolutely not. There's always hope, but we need to have tools, we need to have compassion, we need to have new experiences so that we can help shape our nervous system into that healthy, flexible system that we need to have resilience in our life.
Speaker 1:And that's why it's so important to get this kind of information out, so people know that there is hope. That's right. So often they do feel broken. They don't feel like there's any direction that they can go and there's anything that they can do differently. They're just stuck. Yeah, I appreciate that very much.
Speaker 2:And I think it's important for people to find safe spaces. Yes, and sometimes you know you can't even get to that without being in a safe space for a period of time to be able to allow your nervous system to deregulate or or return to some sort of normalcy yeah, and and finding that it's a tough.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about that and we're going to talk about safety in a minute and I just want to say that it's it's even more than finding safe spaces.
Speaker 2:It's creating safe spaces oh, oh, I love that.
Speaker 3:Because I think sometimes, if we, you know, language matters, if we talk about, I need to find a safe space. That implies that it's external. Now there are external things that can help me create safety. There are lots of external cues and I can plant them, and there may be places I can go where I feel safer than other places. But the most important thing is can we create safety? Can we create safety within our own body? Can we create safety within our own life, so that we can then have healthy relationships?
Speaker 1:And I love that because I always tell my clients that you have the opportunity to create your own environment every day, so you get to create your own environment every day, so you get to create your day. Yeah, exactly, so that kind of goes right along with that. Awesome Thank you. So Lexi also asked about the vagus nerve, which is such a fascinating part of our nervous system and plays a huge role in healing. Can you explain what it is and why it's so important?
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 3:So the vagus nerve is the largest cranial nerve that we have and all it means is vagus is wandering, and it wanders throughout our body, starting primarily in our brainstem area where we see a lot of our survival brain and a lot of the automatic functions that happen.
Speaker 3:There are branches of it that come to the face, there's branches that come down through the heart and there's branches that come down all the way into your core, so all the organs there. So that is a very large nerve and I should say it's a collection of nerves. You can think of it as multiple fibers coming together. It is how the brain and the body communicate with each other. So it's like the highway system of how do messages get passed down. Now, what's really fascinating about this vagus nerve is it's bidirectional, meaning that it carries messages from the brain to the body and from the body to the brain. But here's where it gets really fascinating is that there are like you can think of it like five super highways. Four of them go from body to brain, one of them from brain to body, so it's an 80-20 ratio.
Speaker 3:I call it just that 80-20 rule. And why that's important is because many of us rely on our brain to talk ourselves out of something, to convince ourselves, to change our thoughts, to feel better, to think more positively. But when we're doing that we're really only using 20% of the potential of the vagus nerve. We are actually better off to work on relaxing our body, to work on creating safety in our body so that it sends that message to our brain that we're safe.
Speaker 3:Ideally we want to have two-way communication, but I think when we take approaches which many of us do in coaching and therapy and just in life in general what we call top-down, where the brain is in charge and it tells the body, we're missing out on the benefits that the body has so much wisdom to be sending to the brain. And actually sometimes it's easier like with things like anxiety, for example sometimes it's easier to start with your body and allow those messages to come up to the brain. So that's the role of the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve primarily has a large function in relaxing the body, what we call activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of your nervous system that is for that rest and digest and relaxation. The vagus nerve has a very strong role in that parasympathetic nervous system.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. And for someone like Lexi, what are some simple ways to strengthen vagal tone and help bring the nervous system back into balance?
Speaker 3:Right. So if we're thinking about, okay, how can I take care of my vagus nerve? The vagus nerve it's going to be body things Like we're not going to be sitting there saying to ourselves strengthen the vagus nerve, strengthen we're going to be needing to give our body cues. This is where things like breathing come into play. If we are doing breathing that's low and slow remember I said all the you know the vagus nerve wanders down to that core area, well, where the diaphragm is. So if we are focused on low and slow breathing, we are going to be sending that message to the vagus nerve of calm and safety. So breathing is one way that we can work with the vagus nerve. There's also things like relaxing your pelvic area, pelvic relaxation, where we often hold a lot of tension in our pelvic region, and so just relaxing that in. In general.
Speaker 3:There's also things and you'll see a lot of things on Instagram kind of like these little hacks that you can use to the vagus nerve, and while I'm not opposed to them, they need to be part of a much bigger picture, because we can't just sort of hack our way to regulation. It needs to be built on a foundation. But you'll see things like. People will talk about humming or singing as being really good for vagal tone. Well, that's simply because, remember I said, it starts in the brainstem, it has branches. It has a branch that goes very close to your vocal cords, the larynx area, and so when we're humming, we're activating that.
Speaker 3:So there's things that we can do, and then, just in general, like gentle movements, slowing things or shaking tension out, all these things can serve as activators, but we want them to be part of a bigger picture. It's almost like the difference of you know, in medicine we go to the doctor when we have an acute problem and you know they may prescribe us something or give us like a certain treatment. But really we also know that prevention is the best thing. If you can catch things ahead of time, if you can build a healthy lifestyle, you'll probably prevent the need to have as many of these acute challenges. And that's the same thing. With our vagus nerve, we can do these hacks, but we also want to be doing things that are foundational, involving sleep and everyday movement and breathing not just like breath work, but working on our breathing on a daily basis, and that will carry over to the health of our overall nervous system.
Speaker 1:I love that, that's so good. So she also mentioned struggling with sleep. You just mentioned that. So either feeling wired at night or waking up exhausted how does nervous system dysregulation interfere with deep, restorative sleep?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so sleep and the nervous system, they're very much connected. I like to say to people your sleep is usually indicative of your nervous system state throughout the day. So if your body doesn't feel safe, it's not going to allow deep rest. Remember, it's all about survival. So if I take you and I put you into a dark alley in a strange city and I say to you you're sleeping here tonight, chances are you're not going to lie down and then wake up and I had the best sleep of my life. You're not going to be able to do that because you don't feel safe. So you're always going to be sleeping almost like in this hypervigilant.
Speaker 3:What was that? Where was that? And that's what happens if we're dysregulated throughout the day. If we're stuck in that hyper aroused state, your body is going to be in a high alert mode and flooding you with those stress hormones, keeping you wired and it's kind of like your brain is standing guard during the night making sure that no danger is sneaking up on you. And we appreciate that, except we're like I don't have any danger.
Speaker 3:That's right, that's not an issue. And then the same thing can happen is sometimes we do sleep but we wake up feeling exhausted, and it can be that your system gets so depleted it just crashes. But because you're never really returning to safety, it doesn't get like that restorative sleep that it needs. It kind of just goes into like I'm so exhausted I'm going to pass out mode, as opposed to getting where it really feels safe, that it can connect and it can restore everything that it needs to restore. So we do want to look at sleep as being indicative of what's going on with our nervous system. If you're struggling with sleep, sleep starts as soon as you wake up in the morning. What are the things that I can be doing to help take care of my nervous system all throughout the day so that by the time I get to the evening and that's the other thing I often find with people is they'll be go, go, go, go go and then they'll get in bed. I can't fall asleep. That's kind of like.
Speaker 3:You know, jeff, you said you're a pilot. I imagine that every pilot knows you don't go. You know, from whatever your height, of how many feet you are, to zero in two seconds. Like you start descending, like when I'm on commercial flights, they're always letting you know we're starting our descent, prepare for landing. We have to do that with our systems too. Like, hey, we're starting our descent, now Dim the lights, slow down, put your phones away, go have a bath, have yourself a nice, you know warm cup of whatever with no caffeine. So you're not staying up Giving the signals to land, telling our nervous system, hey, you're safe to slow down, that's so good, that's so good, thank you, and I love that analogy too.
Speaker 1:That's just.
Speaker 2:I always like the pilot analogies no matter what it's about.
Speaker 3:Even though. I was like I don't know how high do you go, but I know you don't go from like 30,000 to zero.
Speaker 2:You have a gradual descent, unless something's really wrong.
Speaker 3:Yeah, then you're in trouble.
Speaker 2:Then you're in trouble, yeah, yeah yeah, and I don't think you'll be asleep during that period, however short that is.
Speaker 3:And you know those are the situations too. I will say One of the reasons why we're never going to always be quote unquote regulated all the time because of exactly what you said, jeff. Sometimes we are in trouble and we need to be activated in order to be taking action and doing what we need to do. A healthy nervous system is not one that is just sort of like maintaining the perfect ho-hum of life. A healthy nervous system can go up and down, responding appropriately to whatever it is it confronts and being able to return back to its baseline. So the healthy nervous system it really moves flexibly up and down. Up and down. That's what we want to train it to do, which means we have to have some stress in our life. That's why we don't want to label all stress as bad. We just need to know how to manage the stress and come back home right.
Speaker 2:You know it's interesting. I relate so much to what you're talking about just personally because from moment to moment, and for instance, my practice life as a physician, I am seeing people that are at different levels of emotional dysregulation every 15 minutes and I have to meet or give energy into those systems in such a way, by the time I'm done with my day, I'm fit to be tied and I'm just really tired, and so I find myself in that where I feel like I have to just shut down but I go to sleep.
Speaker 1:Reserve yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I sleep well. I wake up and I'm ready for the next day, so I'm getting fairly good restorative sleep. Yeah, but it still takes its toll on a daily basis.
Speaker 3:And that's where we have. Yes, there is sort of the daily things. We need to get that sleep. But what I'll offer to you is regulation has to occur hundreds of times a day during your day, and this is particularly challenging for people who are in helping professions, like yourself a lot of physicians, a lot of therapists, first responders, teachers who are in a role where they have to really kind of give personally of themselves. I love using the analogy. It's like you're starting the beginning of the day taking a sponge and dumping it in a bucket of water. Well, if you do not, in between patients, in between clients, every once in a while, take out and wring that sponge out by the end of the day, if you just keep dunking, dunking, dunking.
Speaker 3:when you pull it out, you're sopping wet, there's nothing left, and so what the nervous system needs is the nervous system has to have, and just even these micro moments where you sort of squeeze the sponge and then go back in, squeeze the sponge and then go back in, and then at the end of the day you still may have a heavy sponge, but because you've been squeezing it throughout, it still has some shape.
Speaker 2:So that's the work for most of us. There's two things I wanted to bring up about this. First of all, I've taken on a. Before I enter the next room I will take a look at. I have a little paper on the outside of the door that says who's behind the door number one and so I have a chance to think about it. Chances are I've had some paperwork that I had to review before that appointment, so I review that and then I take a couple of deep breaths before I walk in the door, and that helps. And then sometimes, even when I've got people waiting for me, I have to just stop. I go into my office, I take a big drink of water, I maybe grab a handful of nuts and I just take a breath for a second and or go to the bathroom you know something to just take care of myself.
Speaker 1:And there's been times that you've been in front of a patient and you've had to just breathe. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:There have been a couple of times I've said you know what, I just have to take a minute and I'll excuse myself. Okay that, okay, that's point number one. Now, point number two is that in many people's training and certainly is true in mine that there are times that you're going to be faced with very stressful possibly life or death situations, and you have to keep your CEO online.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 2:And in order to do that, that takes training and understanding and that sometimes, if you don't do some training in order to, when you do find yourself in a stressful situation, you will not respond well and you may cause a problem. And I think that's one of the things that we don't do for ourselves in a general way, to prepare for stressful situations in our lives is to have some of this kind of training so that we don't react poorly when we are faced with stressful situations.
Speaker 3:That's right. Well and I think that speaks to you know, even like as parents, we want our children to have experiences in life, and it's hard for us to watch them to go through hard things, but we know going through hard things is kind of a training ground for life, and so sometimes we will even want to encourage our children to participate in things that stretch them, or even, as adults ourselves, to set goals that are more challenging for us to do things. This is why things like cold exposure and activated breath work have become so popular, because what they do is they deliberately push your nervous system into states of stress and then you learn how to regulate, the idea being that if you can expand your capacity to tolerate quote unquote hard things, that carries over into your life presents us, as it will, with hard things. That is where we do feel completely overwhelmed. We don't have anything to look back on and to say hey, I've been training for this, I know what to do with this, yeah, so good.
Speaker 1:So good. I appreciate your thoughts, especially your experiences in the office and just how to move through that in a more healthy way. But I want to kind of get back to Lexi's question. I know we're kind of running out of time here and she's talking about betrayal trauma and we just kind of touched on that for just a minute. But she says because I know this is a huge one for so many people Leah, what happens in the nervous system when someone is experiencing betrayal?
Speaker 3:Well, if you think about, like I said earlier, every experience we have will shape our nervous system, and so when we go through betrayal, you can bet those experiences are changing what our nervous system is experiencing, it is activating us, it is putting us into a zone where we really need protection because we feel threat. And so our nervous system can get stuck there and it almost like starts to rewire. That this becomes almost our normal state, and when we are in this state of hypervigilance, we're constantly then scanning for danger, even when none would be present. So that's a challenge. When we've experienced trauma or betrayal trauma, it has rewired our system and it has forever changed our lens until we work at trying to change it again right. So betrayal and the trauma associated with betrayal it really shakes our security in relationships, the safety that we feel in relationships, which will leave your nervous system sort of lacking trust.
Speaker 3:And well, I got to be on guard, I have to show up and be hypervigilant, I've got to be looking out for danger, and so we start training it to looking out for danger all the time, which is why then people go on to have a hard time trusting other people in their life or moving to new relationships because they've been so trained to. There's danger all around me and I've got to protect myself. And so you'll see it show up in people's thoughts that you know, racing thoughts. What if this happens again? Why did this happen? Why didn't I see this? Where is this coming from? And it will show up in their body that there's tension or pain or chronic symptoms come out.
Speaker 3:The sleep. I can't sleep because you're constantly replaying these things in a loop, because you're stuck in this activated state. So your nervous system though, like I said, nothing is kind of permanent Once you recognize. I've experienced trauma, there's been betrayal trauma. You may be wired this way right now, but the power of neuroplasticity is I can work towards unlearning and rewiring to bring myself down from this hypervigilant to a little bit less, hypervigilant to a little bit less, and start introducing moments of safety where I can start to trust again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, perfect. So what are some ways to feel safer in relationships and rebuild trust after betrayal?
Speaker 3:Well, it starts with you. It starts with establishing safety within you. Can you find safety in your environment? Can you start by creating an environment that has certain cues in it, that where you, when I say safety, you know sometimes people, they do have a heart. I don't even know what safety means, but how do you feel a little bit better, how do you feel okay? And sometimes that may be using external things. Well, I love you know a certain scent or a certain candle or certain music. We start with that and we introduce these little drops of safety and then we can start. Okay, do I feel safe talking certain topics? So maybe we're going to start with you know, not the biggie of our whole relationship, but can we start with some smaller topics again? Do I feel safe in having these discussions while I'm moving, while I'm walking, while I'm out in nature? So we want to have like little signals of safety.
Speaker 3:Sometimes it's just slowing things down, like the nervous system really appreciates some slowness. So slowing things down, and the other thing that the nervous system really appreciates is choice. When we feel trapped, we feel activated. So even establishing safety, if you've experienced betrayal and you may make the decision. I want to work things out with my partner or whoever the betrayal took place with you may also want to remind yourself you always have choice. You have your own back, I can stay, I can leave, I can invest, I can, and just allowing that openness of choice can help the nervous system start to feel safer. And then, lastly, I would say I mean there's tons of things to do, but the last thing I would really want to highlight is self-compassion, compassion, understanding, loving, asking yourself what do I need in this moment? What does having my own back mean? What would I say to a best friend who is going through that?
Speaker 2:And can I give myself that same advice? That's excellent. Wow, that's strong, that's really strong.
Speaker 1:That is so so good, yeah, and I think that it's so important that when people start feeling safe again, not in just their bodies but in their relationships, and just to be using some of these techniques, just be gentle, allow these steps to be incorporated little at a time, but I love the compassion part. I think that that's spot on, because we're not. We're not compassionate with ourselves hardly ever, and I think we just need to remember that compassion and grace and being patient.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's very healing and it's not always. I think sometimes we've been taught that we want to have compassion for others, and I totally want to have compassion for others. But compassion for ourselves is where I think we need to start. We make mistakes, we have challenges, we get overwhelmed. Compassion for our own humanity and when we have compassion for our own humanity, it is easier to have compassion for other people. And having compassion for other people is not like carte blanche of forgiveness and it just means, hey, you're human, I get where you're coming from. I still may want to set healthy boundaries, I still may want to make different decisions and different choices, but I can do it from a lens of compassion and love, because that feels so much better to me to be experiencing those emotions. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So excellent. Okay, well, I love that and I know for so many people just hearing that their nervous system is not broken, that it's actually just trying to protect them, is such a relief.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and you're nervous. It's brilliant, like you're brilliant, like everything it has been doing has been in order to protect you, and the only thing is is just sometimes our signals get crossed and we learn things differently and as we grow and become as what I call resourced adults, we can turn back and we can say, hey, the way that I did things when I was younger, out of survival, is not the way that I need to do them now and we can start making those shifts. It's not because I was broken. It's because I brilliantly adapted to whatever was going on in my world. That was very overwhelming. I came up with ways to cope and survive, and now I don't need those same ways anymore and so I can start making some changes.
Speaker 3:But not because I'm broken and there's something wrong with me, just because I actually want to lead my life with more intentionality. I don't want to be relying on the adaptations and the responses that I made when I was a five-year-old kid the adaptations and the responses that I made when I was a five-year-old kid. I want to be thinking now much more deliberately and intentionally. How do I want to show up as grown-up Leah? Right here, right now.
Speaker 2:Isn't it great that we can grow and change.
Speaker 3:It's amazing.
Speaker 2:It is the best thing ever, you know. I look back over my life and I think if I hadn't grown and changed in different ways, I would be so much less happy than I am right now. Yeah, exactly. And I still have yet things to do, and so do we all we do, and it's a journey.
Speaker 3:That's the other thing I like saying to people. Don't imagine this as a nervous system regulation destination. It's not. It's the nervous system resilience. Journey Ups and downs, back and forth, bounce forward, come back, and it is an ongoing journey that is for life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so good. Are there any habits or daily routines that people might not realize are keeping them stuck in a dysregulated state?
Speaker 3:You know the one that is surprising. It's one of the most fundamental things that we do is our breath. Our breath is something that goes on behind the scenes. We don't have to thank goodness we don't have to control it. But it is also something that we can control If our breath is completely off, meaning we maybe are breathing through our mouth or we're breathing very, very shallow. Breathing through your mouth and breathing shallow sends a message to the nervous system that you're in danger because, think about it, I'm in danger If we stop breathing through the nose low and slow. If you're being chased by a tiger, you're not going to be breathing through your nose low and slow. So it sends the message to your nervous system that you're safe. So simply by switching and working your breath to low and slow through the nose, you are sending messages of safety to your brain.
Speaker 1:That's so good, I forgot about that one.
Speaker 3:That's a good one, that's so good I forgot about that one. That's a good one.
Speaker 1:That's a very fundamental one.
Speaker 3:The other one I would say is really movement. Movement is one where, when we are dysregulated and we go into a hyper aroused state, we have excess energy. That excess energy needs to go somewhere. So give it somewhere to go through your movement. And then, likewise, sometimes we may not have excess energy, we may lack energy, but you know, how we add energy to our system is by moving. And then when we are in a good zone, we stay in a good zone by moving. So moving is something that, no matter what zone, how dysregulated, how regulated you are, it's going to be very, very beneficial for your nervous system.
Speaker 1:Super Well, I was thinking of things like excessive social media use or over, you know, having too much.
Speaker 3:So that's the flip side, right, so you can have the things like the things I'm talking about. This is how we're building up. Well, then we have to look at what are the things that we're doing in our life that keep us stuck in dysregulation? Right? So scrolling on social media is one where watching too much news these are all things that keep us in a state of hypervigilance.
Speaker 3:Anything that keeps you where it's like you're constantly on the lookout for danger is not going to be helpful for your nervous system, and so that's why, sometimes, when we are in environments where maybe there's a lot of pressure on us to hit certain deadlines, this is why it's so difficult for healthcare providers when they're in.
Speaker 3:This is why it's so difficult for healthcare providers when they're in this environment where it's like go, go, go back to back, because right there, their nervous system is getting the message that it's danger, because they can't really slow down, so they have to use other things, like you were saying, jeff, just like in the moment I've got to be breathing. But the things that we do on a daily basis, like how are you using your time during the day? If you are spending it scrolling and looking at news and talking and, you know, looking always for the negative, looking for the danger that's going to be sending your nervous system signs of danger If there's a lot of pressure and intensity. And I have to do this, even the language that we use. I've got to get this done. I don't have a choice. All that language will keep us in this hyper state, which means that we're in a state of dysregulation.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and that was that question. And so, like you just said, on the flip side, are there any other small lifestyle changes that can make a big difference in the nervous system regulation?
Speaker 3:So you talked about the breathing, the movement, journaling and doodling. Those are things that you know inviting creativity into your life. Whatever your creative outlets are, I love doodling and journaling because it has a meditative quality to it as well, and journaling because it has a meditative quality to it as well. But this is why having hobbies, listening to music, playing music, even doing puzzles, knitting, crafting, painting all these things, anything that we can. Flying yeah, exactly, and just playing, just playing, just playing.
Speaker 3:Just going to the park and just doing this is why these are such powerful things. Sometimes, I think we label them as unproductive, but they're probably some of the most productive things you can do for your nervous system.
Speaker 1:Yeah, early morning exposure to the sunlight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, to sunlight yeah.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 3:Another really great one yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, excellent, those are so good. So when someone is trying to heal from nervous system dysregulation, how important is community and connection in that process?
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, so important. And part of it is if you think about how most of us have become dysregulated, either in the moment or through long-term chronic stress. It has been in relationships, and so it makes sense that we heal also in relationships. We first learn how to regulate ourselves, hopefully through our caregivers, through something called co-regulation. Now, a lot of us didn't have great caregiving experiences.
Speaker 3:Maybe we grew up in homes where you know not necessarily to blame all our parents, but we all make terrible mistakes as parents and so forth, and so we may not have always learned how to co-regulate with each other, and as we become adults we may not be the best co-regulators. Well, the only way you can really learn how to co-regulate is to be with others, and it may start off with, you know, being with a pet, being with animals, even communing with nature can be a start. But our nervous systems are wired for connection. We need each other, we feed off of each other, and so if you don't have community, it's very hard to co-regulate because there's nobody there to co-regulate with.
Speaker 1:So so true, when you are in a group, you just feel like you're with friends, like-minded people, and there's just a lot of power being in a group that you know you feel comfortable with.
Speaker 3:There's that common humanity piece, too, that you realize you're not alone. Like when people start sharing their stories, even if it's not the exact same story, you start to realize that we all go through stuff. We just have a different flavor of the same stuff. And when I hear you speak about it, it makes me feel like I'm not so alone, that I'm not abnormal. And when you hear you speak about it it makes me feel like I'm not so alone, that I'm not abnormal. And when you share with me some ways that maybe you have found have helped, oh, I could try that. And so then it gives us ways to creatively come up with how can my healing look? It worked for this person, maybe if I combine that with this. So there's so much benefit of being in community for that sharing as well as just learning from each other Exactly so powerful.
Speaker 1:So if someone listening right now is resonating with everything we've talked about, but feels overwhelmed by where to start, what's one small, manageable step they could take today to begin regulating their nervous system?
Speaker 3:The first step is always with awareness. So, just the awareness, now that you have a nervous system and I would say, just start being aware. Do you notice how sometimes you have more energy and sometimes you have less energy? Just starting there, because as we start developing the skills to notice when our energy rises and our energy goes down, that's when we can start to invite some type of change. So, just having that awareness piece like worry about, I gotta do this now, I gotta do that, I gotta do this.
Speaker 3:What we talked about today is part of the journey. Right, that's a lot, that's a lot. But the first step is where am I starting my journey from and building that awareness of what, what's going on in my body? Do I notice when my energy goes up and down? And just starting there, it's like getting your address of where you're located right now. Don't worry about like I gotta go here and here and here and then there and then end up over here. Let's just start with where are you at right now? What does it feel like when you have more energy? What does it feel like when you have less energy?
Speaker 1:Leah, this has been such a powerful conversation, but before we wrap up, where can we find you?
Speaker 3:and learn more about your work. So I am. My website is leahdavidsonlifecoachingcom and I'm on Instagram and Facebook at Leah Davidson Life Coaching. I have a podcast called Building Resilience.
Speaker 1:And we'll put that in the show notes as well. Perfect.
Speaker 3:And I just created a mental health guided journal and that is available on Amazon. It's awesome. I purchased it. Awesome. It is under my brand it's called Resilient Brilliance, but I'm sure you can put that in the show notes too and really everything that we talked about today. It guides you through, through, you know, some teaching and, through asking some questions, helping you understand where you're starting from. So those are, those are some of the best ways to, to reach and find me.
Speaker 2:I just need to get some of those workbooks and hand them out to people as they come in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, seriously, it is really. I'll have you take a look at it.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you've even seen it, it's on my yeah, my dresser, but I got it a couple of weeks ago and it's so good. Well, a huge thank you to Lexi for her amazing questions today and, of course, to Leah for being our fantastic guest. This conversation was so incredible and I know it's going to help so many people. But before we go, I want to take a moment to speak directly to those of you who are struggling in your relationship. If you can't remember why you said yes, if you feel like your paths have completely diverged and you're wondering if there's anything left to fight for, I want you to know there is a way forward.
Speaker 1:My eight-month Healing Hearts program is designed for couples who feel like they're at their end of the rope, where trust is completely broken, communication feels impossible and the pain runs deep. But if you're still here, still searching for answers, then that means there's still something worth saving. This program is about rebuilding from the ground up, restoring safety, learning how to regulate emotions together and connecting in a way that feels real and lasting. You don't have to do this alone. I would love to work with you and help you find clarity, healing and hope. If this is something that resonates with you, please reach out to me at trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom to learn more about how we can work together and to our listeners. If this episode spoke to you, if you found something valuable in this conversation, please share it with a friend, leave us a review and send your questions for future episodes to trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom as well, and we love hearing from you. Until next time, take care of yourself, take care of your relationships and remember your nervous system is always listening. Goodbye, everybody.
Speaker 2:Bye, everyone, Thanks.
Speaker 1:Leah, thank you. Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, delighted to share today's gems of wisdom with you. Your questions light up our show, fueling the engaging dialogues that make our community extra special. Keep sending your questions to trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom. Your curiosity is our compass. Please hit, subscribe, spread the word and let's grow the circle of insight and community together. I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off. Stay curious, keep thriving and keep smiling, and I'll catch you on the next episode.
