The Q&A Files
The Q&A Files drops A Wellness Explosion
💥 BOOM! Attention Wellness Warriors. The game changer you have been waiting for is finally here. Say hello to “The Q&A Files,” where wellness meets revolution and your questions lead to new discoveries. Spearheaded by Trisha Jamison, your host, a Board Certified Functional Nutritionist. Cohost Dr. Jeff Jamison, a Board Certified Family Physician, and featured guest, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. This podcast blends three diverse perspectives to tackle your questions on health, nutrition, medicine, mental wellness, and relationships. Dive into a world of expert insights and actionable advice, all sparked by your curiosity. Tune in, ignite your wellness journey, and join the Wellness Warrior community.
The Q&A Files
66. Blending Families: Building a New Life Together, Craig and Tiffany, Part 3.
When two people find love after divorce, they bring not only their hearts but their history, children, and learned relationship patterns. This intimate conversation with Tiffany and Craig explores the beautiful complexity of blending families and building a relationship that's stronger precisely because of what came before.
The couple shares how they've learned to appreciate each other differently than in previous relationships. Craig notes, "Random acts of kindness, the little things she does for me without being asked—I'm highly aware of it now and let her know I see it." They've discovered the profound difference between relationships built on transactions versus genuine partnership.
Blending families as adults brings unique challenges. With seven children between them, they're navigating different expectations and healing timelines. Their respectful approach—"Dad, you go at your pace, we'll go at ours"—demonstrates the maturity needed when adult children process a parent's new relationship. Tiffany wisely observes, "I'm not their step-mom; I'm Craig's wife. I want to be their friend," recognizing that roles evolve differently when children are grown.
Perhaps most touching is how they maintain joy through difficulties. When paddleboarding against strong currents (literally and metaphorically), Craig looked over to find Tiffany "dancing and singing still" despite the struggle. "That's something I needed in my life," he reflects, "someone who says, 'this is a hard thing right now, but we're going to have fun doing the hard thing.'"
Their relationship reminds us that love isn't about getting it perfect; it's about finding the right person at the right time and building something beautiful together—complete with TL (Tell Last) compliment games, spontaneous adventures, and the freedom to simply be themselves.
Ready to put one out there? Send your question to trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com. We love your questions!
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the ultimate health and wellness playground. I'm your host, tricia Jamieson, a board-certified functional nutritionist and lifestyle practitioner, ready to lead you through a world of health discoveries. Here we dive into a tapestry of disease prevention to nutrition, exercise, mental health and building strong relationships, all spiced with diverse perspectives. It's not just a podcast, it's a celebration of health, packed with insights and a twist of fun. Welcome aboard the Q&A Files, where your questions ignite our vibrant discussions and lead to a brighter you.
Speaker 1:Welcome back, friends, to another episode of the Q&A Files, and if you missed part one or part two of this three-part series, please hit pause and go back and listen, because we have had an incredible conversation with Tiffany and Craig Shirley about love, second chances, hope and what is making this marriage different.
Speaker 1:In our last episode, we took a deep dive into what they've learned from past relationships and how they've built something so much stronger this time around. So today we're diving into one of the biggest realities of second marriages blending families, navigating relationships with exes and kids and figuring out how to create something new while still honoring the past. We'll also explore what's ahead for Tiffany and Craig, their hopes, their dreams and some fun behind-the-scenes moments of their life together. So, as always, I'm here with my incredible co-host, dr Jeff Jamieson, our board-certified family physician, and we've talked a lot about relationships in the past. Today, we're going to dive even deeper into the nitty-gritty of family dynamics. Dr Jeff, from your perspective, what do you think makes blending families one of the hardest parts of a second marriage? Now, your parents were divorced. Is there anything you can think about from your past experiences or from working with your patients that stands out?
Speaker 2:My parents were divorced, but they had incredibly good relationships with their exes and so that went really really well. I mean, I can't even use them as a standard because but how about at the beginning?
Speaker 1:When that first happened, you were young. Use them as a standard because-. But how about at the beginning? When that first happened, you were young. Your sister was younger. Those dynamics happened later in life, which was such a blessing for all of us.
Speaker 2:It was truly amazing, but I just mean, like when things first happened, well, it was just weird as a child having other new spouses in the mix, so that was. You know, there was one of my mother's my mother married a couple times after my dad, and one of them in particular was very difficult for the family to kind of accept. And so I think that really comes down to one of the big things that when you're in a new relationship with a new spouse is kind of managing the children and seeing where they are going and what they need to do in order to accept a new person into their lives and how that new person responds to them. All of those things are communication-based and I think that you have to kind of dive into it and get uncomfortable in order for it to get better. And in my work with others not just my own experience, my feeling with patients that have had new spouses and blended families it really comes down to communication and having an open mind for people who feel differently than you.
Speaker 2:I have a patient that his wife passed away and he's getting ready to marry a new spouse and he's got a daughter that is an adult who's really given him a hard time and that's been a really hard thing for him to be able to negotiate that. And to you know where do you draw the line and say, okay, my children are really incredibly important, but is my spouse more important than my children? And it's hard. Those are hard things to navigate, so there's a lot of weirdness that has to be worked through as a couple, as well as the extended families.
Speaker 1:That was perfect. I appreciate you sharing that. So, before we jump into family dynamics, I want to revisit something we touched on on our last episode. Tiffany and Craig, you've been through a lot and you've seen what it takes to make a relationship last. So tell me what's something you appreciate about each other now that younger couples might take for granted, and what advice would you give them? We touched on this a little bit on the last episode, but we had talked about a few things after we recorded. That was so good, and that's why I'm bringing this back up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my mind actually goes to a couple of different things, but one of the things with with Tiffany is like the random acts of kindness, you know, the little things that she does just for me without even being asked, and the fact that, you know, as a young couple, maybe I I took that for granted, in the sense of you know they're just doing their thing. I never really stopped to appreciate all the little service that she performs, right, and now I'm I'm highly aware of it and to where it's, you know, letting her know that I appreciate it, letting her know that I see it, that I see her doing these things for me. I'm not asking for anything, she's just doing it on her own. You know, I think we touched on this last time is, you know, we're both givers, Right, and it took me a lot of years to step back and actually start recognizing when someone's giving for me and to appreciate it, and so that's one of the biggest things that is really and to be able to accept it, I imagine.
Speaker 3:That's the other thing is accepting it, right, as you know, when I was younger, it was more of oh, I got this, I know Don't do that, or what have you, or, or even when things were being being done, it could be as simple as doing the laundry. You know there's this. If she were to do it every single time, and there's this expectation that that's just going to happen and that appreciation diminishes, right, and so I'm making sure to be very, very mindful and very, very appreciative, and that was one of the things going into this relationship to begin with. Um, that I was looking for with someone who was like a giver, like myself, and I'm going to be just a lot more mindful of it. And I'm going to touch on one other thing is communication.
Speaker 3:Communication is really really big with me now, whereas the last 30 years there's areas that I could have really improved upon, but I feel like for us to have just a strong relationship and just a strong foundation, which I touched on last episode we need to communicate on a regular basis and you know, and sometimes maybe just push the pause button, okay, how are we doing?
Speaker 3:You know how are you feeling, and but that's a really big thing with me right now is making sure that we communicate. We've communicated, and not all of it's easy communication, right, and it could be nonverbal or verbal, but communication is really important. So for all these young couples, you know, push the pause button on your busy life and just have conversations. Last thing I'm gonna throw in there quiet time is big with me and that's part of the communication, where we actually make time for ourselves and like this life's busy and there's social media outlets and stuff like that and we get lost in all of that. And when I started dating Tiffany, I was like hey, I don't mind that you're on social media, you know as long as.
Speaker 3:I'm right next to you, right? I'm right there with you and you're on social media. You know, as long as I'm right next to you, right, I'm right there with you, and so you know she was working on it. Yeah, I mean, I just as long as I'm present with her, you know, and she was working on a post on Sunday for for our wedding and I was just sitting right next to her and I saw it and it was so cute.
Speaker 3:It took me forever to do, but it was so good. It was pretty funny watching her do it. She's like, ah, it took her a long time to put that thing together. But just yeah, just so for me. I grew up a lot, you know, and there's a lot of things that I appreciate and pay attention to.
Speaker 4:Probably living out on your own, you see things a little bit different after being yours with somebody, right, like now you're doing it all yourself, right? No one's helping you with laundry, nobody's helping you with cooking, nobody's helping you pay your bills, no one's telling you to get up, no, I mean you know like, hey, let's get going, the kids are gone or whatever, and our dynamics are different probably than a lot of people who get a divorce too, cause a lot of people go in having kids. My mom got divorced many times, so I see a lot of different things as a young person and then as somebody who's older, cause now, like I was going at full speed, you know like, and I still go at full speed, but Craig reminds me like, hey, let's take, take some downtime and just snuggle, just be present.
Speaker 4:Yeah, just be present to be right there, and so he be where your feet are.
Speaker 4:Yesterday we're getting ready to run out the door to a basketball game and I went to the bank and then I says I'll do the bank deposit for the yogurt shop. And I said you go home and rest, because he was tired and and so he's like, okay, you know, like I can do that too, and I'm like, but you're? You said you're tired so you can take a quick rest. And then I got back and said we have time to just lay here and snuggle. I'm like every time I snuggle with you I fall asleep, and I was never like that before, because I couldn't lay there like my brain was going safe yeah, so I go out, I'm like, boom, I'm out.
Speaker 4:I just love that. Yeah, take that quiet time, and even if it means the kids are laying on the couch with you when you're younger, you know, just take that quiet time for that physical, that reconnect, because it puts endorphins into your body too. That connection does your brain. It's a positive.
Speaker 3:So it was only 10 minutes right but it didn't end up being it always feels like 10 minutes an hour and a half later yeah, she springs up and there she goes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I know yeah.
Speaker 3:That's great. I mean you did actually touch on. So Tiffany did actually just touch on something that maybe the earlier Craig wouldn't have allowed. We had a bank deposit to make for our business and I was going to take care of it, but I was feeling a little fatigued, allergies and stuff like that. She's like I'm in the bank parking lot, just drop it off here. I'm like no, no, no, I got it. I got it. I got it, I got it. She's like I'm in the bank parking lot.
Speaker 4:I just turned in the bank parking lot I said. I just said, hey, did you do that deposit?
Speaker 3:And it wasn't just one deposit, it was like 20 deposits that you have to random acts of kindness is as a as a younger person maybe I would have been like no, I got this, I got this, but for I just let it go, let her do it for me, and uh, I really appreciate that well, and I love that because I'm sure that in your past relationships you didn't feel those little acts of kindness.
Speaker 1:You know you're always defensive, you're always on alert, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think, off and on I think we both felt it throughout our relationship. I think you get busy with kids and family. You know careers or whatever. I mean you guys have probably felt the same. You forget to look at the person that you're building a life with.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking that the last part of your relationships, yeah, that was probably a little more challenging to see.
Speaker 2:And, like we talked about before, that a lot of those things became transactional. Okay, I'm going to do this, but what is it or they're going to do this for me? What are they going to expect out of me?
Speaker 4:A hundred percent in mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just has to sound percent in mind. Yeah, yeah, so good, so good.
Speaker 2:And that's a difference between a partnership and something else. You know, and if you have a true partnership, you just serve each other and you don't expect more than that. And we could also trust that the other person is going to be giving into the relationship as much or more than you are. And then communication keeps that going.
Speaker 1:Definitely. You always hear how difficult it is to blend families. Has this been a challenge in your relationship and what advice would you give to others?
Speaker 4:It is definitely been a difference. I think it changes based on how your kids are also ready for it. My kids are more open to it but still had some hold back right. They were like who's my mom getting into? This guy keeps on showing up, right, and so they knew I was dating quite a bit. And so then Craig starts showing up more spontaneously, you know, and one kid even yeah, and one kid even thought I thought you're dating a bunch of people.
Speaker 4:when we told him, no, we're seeing each other, just seeing each other and nobody else, that kind of took him by surprise. But my kids fell in love with Craig.
Speaker 2:What's not to love, though, right Craig?
Speaker 1:Seriously.
Speaker 3:We have some stories that we can tell. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 4:My kids are pretty open, like he's like wow, like your kids just lay everything out online. They're boisterous, they say stuff, they treat you a certain way, like your relationship is completely different than anything I ever experienced.
Speaker 3:So if you don't, if you don't mind, I'll just kind of give just a little bit of background. Tiffany has four children, I have three. They're all about the same age, the oldest one being 31, two different schools in our, in our area, and basically kind of grew up just a little bit differently. But now that we, you know, as Tiffany's getting to know my children and I'm getting getting as I get to know her children, there's a lot of similarities.
Speaker 3:So for me, when, when I got separated and divorced, it came as a complete shock to them.
Speaker 3:Right, there was no fighting, there was no, there was, everything was kept behind closed doors.
Speaker 3:Right, it was always to protect the children, you know, and everything we ever did and we went on for so many years is is because, you know, there were life events with the children and we and we just said kids came first, right, and so when I sat down and told them, you know, this is what's going on Well with with my ex at the time, and they were just shocked, so this last year for them, I mean right out of the gate, they were just really, really concerned about me. And then it wasn't but a few months later that I met Tiffany and then, before I knew it, we were like seeing each other on a regular basis. So in their mindset, okay, well, dad's moving on pretty quick. I'm going to push the pause button really quick there. For all those that have adult kids that do not live in the home anymore, we all know it's different. They can make their own decisions now. They don't have to worry about being grounded or what have you you know, because they don't live under your roof anymore.
Speaker 4:And so that dynamic is different in itself. Or come into any activities or being in the same home, like, they get to choose how they want to like the other person or not like them. Not that you don't do that when you bring someone into your home and they're younger, but you're there living with them. You know, our kids have more of the more of a like hey, I'm not their step-mom, I'm Craig's wife. That's how I want to see myself. I want to be their friend, you know, and so totally different dynamics.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you brought that up. I think that's really important.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like never forced the mom and dad thing, even with the grandkids. Like my daughter's okay with maybe Craig being called Papa and my boys I don't feel like they'd be more accepting Maybe my last one but the other two he'll be Craig and that's okay. I called my grandpa grandpa more at all the time. So you know just different dynamics and let them blow into it. You know like however they want.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so, like for my, for my kids, you know, two of them are married, one owns finishing college, right, and so they have families of their own that they're raising, and so when all of this is going on for me, they're just kind of stepping back, and I've had some hard conversations with them. I told them hey, listen, you're going to see dad. The way dad is right. What you've experienced is it was different. I'm going to be myself, and so we had some really good conversations to where, with my children, as I'm progressing with Tiffany, through our relationship, we come to the conclusion or agreement is what it was more than anything was dad, you go at your pace. We're still healing, we love our mom and but we want the best for you, we want the best for Tiffany, but you go at your pace and we'll go at our pace.
Speaker 1:What a very mature way to have a conversation with your dad. I love that. That is so good. So do your children. How do they feel about Tiffany?
Speaker 3:Oh, they really like Tiffany, right, they really like her. But I don't know that Tiffany feels that all the time, right? Okay, so my, my kids are different. Hers are loud and boisterous, right, they like the. She's got three boys and they show lots of love.
Speaker 4:They do loud and boisterous right.
Speaker 3:She's got three boys. They show lots of love. They do a bunch of crazy stuff too.
Speaker 4:I know, but they'll give you hugs and loves and be crazy.
Speaker 3:Right where mine are more. I mean, they're more the kind that sit around the table and just joke around about different things, and so they're not and they like the golf and all those other stuff, Right. So we're quite a quiet type, go forward type individuals, and so different personalities, but they really like Tiffany. They're happy for the two of us Right and the progression, but they're still healing on their end.
Speaker 1:Sure, well, just like you said, it came as a shock. They didn't see it coming.
Speaker 3:I think that they didn't have any time to prepare for some of those 100 forward motions so as, like, we went to a game last night, you know, I had my son there and my son-in-law there, and and then, and then one of tiffany's sons was there. So for me I feel like, through time, you know what my kids will continue to warm up to Tiffany. How can you not, right? But then we also we're trying to, we're trying to figure it out, and Tiffany and I we've talked a lot about we need to be strong, right, and we, like my word for this year is unite. You know it's it's. We need to, little by little, try to find a way to unite the children. I mean, they don't have to be as friends, but you know we want to be able to have them all over, but that's going to take time and we have to have patience, yeah, so they may not come all together at the same time.
Speaker 2:No, they don't, that's okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, His kids have said that. Like, why would we ever need to be in a room where my kids are like, yeah, let's get to know them, let's meet them, let's see what you know, that kind of thing. So because my dynamics as a raising my children were invite people over, invite, invite, invite. So there was lots of people coming and going in our house. We didn't care who they were or what you know, whatever it was always oh, bring them over.
Speaker 4:Oh, we have food. Oh, can I invite someone? Sure, so we always had dynamics of lots of people in and out our door and so it was just a little bit different, I think. And so my kids are more. They're people. Why not get to know them Right? And they'll ask Greg really hard questions where his kids haven't asked me any questions. Really.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know it's interesting. That's a good point, because two of my children of the three are really big about. They just have a small circle and they're really tight in that circle. It's hard to get into their circle, no matter who you are, right, okay, yeah, so the whole invite and stuff like that, whereas my youngest he's probably been the one that's been the most active and so forth, but also with with your children, though they saw your divorce coming, oh, mentally had chances to prepare for time mom, they had more yeah it was, it was a tombow.
Speaker 4:They were the ones who I probably would have tried to make it go again, but they're like enough, just enough, just stop. You know, right. Then I had one that was kind of like maybe you should try when they, their dad was saying stuff to them, you know, like maybe you should make it work. Their dad was saying stuff to them, you know, like maybe you should make it work. And I even had those thoughts, right, and so you kind of play games and the mental stuff like well, then your family could be back together, and there was just more to it. But yeah, no, as far as dynamics, we'd like our kids to be able to get together. We'll give it time, you know, just slowly. Invites, invites, invites.
Speaker 1:And that's just it. So do you feel like that? How you're handling any kind of tension or differences in the family is just basically just taking time, just being patient, just just allowing things to just kind of show up organically.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, we are, we are both. We talk about it. We have to be patient and if we force things because they live in homes and I mean they can just hit this switch and we're out of their life Right, and we want to avoid that From our perspective. We have seven great kids, right, we have seven great kids and they don't even know that they would get along. Right, we have to give them time, right, and so it's little by little. So we will invite we're not manipulative anything and I want to be very clear about that but what we'll invite over for sunday dinner, right, so like having having tiffany have dinner with them and go do different things with them is really, really important, just like with with me. I pretty much inserted myself into their life right away, but again, I I think they were more ready.
Speaker 4:His kids said they weren't ready, didn't want to meet me and stuff for quite a while.
Speaker 3:Because, they were healing Sure.
Speaker 1:And I mean, that totally makes sense yeah.
Speaker 4:So you just look at the different dynamics it is. Was it hard not to be offended? Yeah, actually, one of my prerequisites of getting married was that your kids would love and accept me as part of your life. And that's they. They're okay with it. You know they're. They're moving in their own steady thing.
Speaker 3:So yeah, well you can feel it.
Speaker 1:They like it yeah, like take time and just like both of you I mean, you both are such likable people it's, it's, I think it's going to be just a once that healing process takes place. It's going to be just a once that healing process takes place, it's going to be such a natural thing that you're going to be part of their life differently.
Speaker 2:But you know, like you said, you'll be a friend, not necessarily, I think it also depends on how the ex is talking about you.
Speaker 3:Oh, you just touched on a big one, Dr Jeff.
Speaker 2:You just touched on a really big one, okay, and if they're talking poorly about you to the children, that's going to make a drive a wedge between them and you, and so tell me what your experience is there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you go first.
Speaker 4:Might have been. The ex says the same things. He's always said like your mom never apologized, your mom never did this. I tried to make it work. You know he goes with the kids as the victim mode to me. With the kids I just tell them it's the same story. You guys were there, you saw it, you know same person. So I really try not to get into a lot of hashing, but I do.
Speaker 4:I have this tendency to also want to care and fix the kid's dad. You know, like help him, solve it, solve these. Just at the wedding he was telling everybody you know, sorry that we're in a divorce, told the kids different things Anyway. So it's hard for me not to go into that. I want to fix it for my kids and defend myself. But I also am in a very neutral spot with him, Like I don't hate him, I don't wish anything bad or good for him. It's his life and he gets to live it. So I'm in a very neutral spot. I don't have panic anymore when I see him. It is really honestly just a really neutral Christlike love, like he's a human being and I don't. I'm just in neutral, like his life is his.
Speaker 4:I don't call and say I wish you well. I don't. I haven't messaged that. I don't say I wish you the best, it's just very neutral. You get to live your life. This is the life you chose. You know you wanted a new wife, new life, you know. And so my kids are very. I don't share a whole lot with them anymore, but I let them vent to me because I think they know that I also understand and we'll go yeah, and what are you going to do with that? How are you going to show up? Do you want to? You know, how does that relationship look for your dad with your dad? So for my daughter, she, she gets to choose her relationship, but she wants a relationship, but not the old relationship, you know, and there needs to be a lot of repairing, and so the boys have a tendency to listen more and to want to fix and feel bad, and so they will do more to try to for that relationship, to improve it, you know in real terms, though.
Speaker 2:I mean, you just had a wedding this last week where you had to be in the same room with the ex and also the children. How did that dynamics go for you?
Speaker 1:And the wedding was a son's wedding. A son's wedding, her oldest son, oldest son.
Speaker 4:So he did a group picture Didn't bother me at all. He joined in, had Craig scoot over so he could sit in the front. He chose not to sit in the front where the parents would sit. He went around, talked to all the family, especially my family, and gave everybody hugs.
Speaker 4:And then he was behind me and I looked at Craig and said hey, craig, would you like to meet the kid's dad? And he's like yes, craig, gave him a serious face Nice to meet you. And then pleasure to meet you is what he said. And then the kid's dad just said excuse me, what'd you say? And then Craig re-repeated a pleasure to meet you. And then he's like, a pleasure to meet you. And then he brought up a short conversation like, hey, you can't let the kids down here. And then he walked away. But that was, you know. I mean I don't know how many times we walked past each other. I didn't notice him tons, but I noticed him in different places, you know, especially when you're hugging someone or I'm right by him, you know hugging a family or whatever. We were very it wasn't a really big event center, so it was pretty small, close quarters, very close quarters. So for me. I it was fine as far as him being there.
Speaker 2:Okay, actually, really good for the kids, anxious I think, uh, I think one of them was yeah, one of them maybe.
Speaker 4:So I mean he got out there and but the kid's dad left early, so before the party and began he, he kind of bolted out, so he was there for probably an hour and a half right when the wedding and they and they did the cake he left before the dancing yeah, so that was a different event one. I'm sure we'll have plenty of them, you know, sure, I don't necessarily feel I need to have a friendship with him, but I also don't need to be mean and ugly and nasty either, oh for sure.
Speaker 1:I mean that's just so helpful. How do you balance honoring past family traditions while creating new ones as a couple? I mean, you're just talking about you're going to be having these events. Let's move into that.
Speaker 3:Well, that's a really good question, because we're still trying to figure it out, right?
Speaker 4:We did Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was just going to like see what we did with thanksgiving and christmas and so forth. Basically what's we need to recognize that the kids are going to get pulled in different directions. And and selfishly do I want them christmas eve and christmas day, 100 right. Selfishly do I want us all be sitting around the christ tree together, a hundred percent. But the reality is is that's not the case, and so for.
Speaker 3:For, on my side, I told the kids, I said, hey, the first Saturday after the holiday, I'd love to have you over for our celebration, right, so that we know every single year that that's, that's dad. And now Tiffany's time to have you over. And then what? Tiff, tiffany's got her own. And I think, to be honest with you, I think this is going to change over the next couple of years two, three years because each of them are creating their own families. They're all building their own family. So I can really just see I mean, I don't know what it looks like, but maybe it's Tiffany and I are loading up the car and we're just going all over the place, and that's the stage we are in our life. We're all about our grandkids right now.
Speaker 1:Well, and I love that, I think that that's so important. What's one expected joy or win in bringing your families together?
Speaker 4:Good question.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's almost kind of like what would that look like, you know?
Speaker 4:Or bringing them together because we're married and now two families I mean, I think my family is more open for that, but Craig's kids are more this is our family. We're not part of that family. So that might look very differently. But I think, over time hopefully, but maybe not. So I kind of don't put really expectations on that situation and I quit doing that once my oldest one got married the first time. Like the expectations, like this is the holiday you need to be to, this isn't the holiday. You know they have it. This in laws have it that. Because now you don't just have in laws, you have the extra spouses right Family time. So now you got three and hopefully their, their spouses, don't have doubles too. So sometimes you might not get them for holidays, but bring them together. I'd say the win for us is just watching Craig with his kids and the joy it brings him.
Speaker 1:Oh, there you go, that's. Great.
Speaker 4:Being able to witness it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. Okay, so what excites you most about this new chapter of your life together?
Speaker 3:Wow, I'm excited by so many things. Um, you know what I talked about the foundation on the last episode and and where we are and we have so much fun together.
Speaker 1:We work oh, that's, you can tell. I mean, you guys don't stop laughing, looking at each other making faces.
Speaker 3:It's so fun just to watch you both and and even that we're going through phases already. She's a practical jokester and I've got to be in her clothes.
Speaker 1:You've got to be on your game.
Speaker 4:We need to talk yeah.
Speaker 3:I thought I was a practical jokester. I've met my match. So, as we look, I'm just excited about you know, we're in this stage too. You know, when kids are out of the house, grandkids aren't old enough to need to set their games and stuff like that. So we have this time where we're, you know, and we're both rebuilding Right, so work financially. Well, yeah, we're, we're both rebuilding. So how to mix that in and just grind it out over the next five, 10 years?
Speaker 3:I wouldn't want to do it with anybody other than Tiffany, because of what I know about her and we have fun doing it. You know, bought a business just recently, you know, before we got married, and Tiffany walks in there and she helps run the show and she's just like me, we think very similar and so I'm excited about that. I'm excited about what she and I could accomplish. And there's actually times I sat back and, like man, we would have met each other 30 years ago. What could we have done? But we weren't the same people then and we needed to meet each other at this time. And I think we're going to do some good things, not just for ourselves, but just for people around us. So I'm excited about that.
Speaker 4:Craig's very a planner, just for people around us. So I'm excited about that. Craig's very a planner. He sets it all out like this, and like this morning he goes oh, let's snuggle for a few minutes. Usually he gets up like at 5.15 and goes and works out. He stayed in bed longer and so then-. Yeah to snuggle, and then, all of a sudden, I fall back to sleep, fall back to sleep.
Speaker 3:Anyways, and then all of a sudden I wake myself up and I'm like let's go for a run. Even my proposal to her, I planned it all out and she just blew it all up. She just blew it up. So it's like you know, she's all that real quick.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I had all these big plans and stuff like that, and so finally, you know it. Just, I had plans to get her kids involved with the proposal and I did this thing with her early on about what does it mean, right? What does it mean when you're the first person I want to talk to when I wake up in the morning? What does it mean when you're the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep? So I did this whole blah, blah, blah thing on it, right? And so I was going to do that as part of the proposal and do it on the movie screen.
Speaker 2:You know I'm a romantic, so bear with me.
Speaker 3:But then it just came down to you know, it's just about her and I, and so I put something together just for Tiffany and I, and I had it all planned out, Okay, so we're going to go, I'm going to go pick her up before church, I'm going to have a camera here, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, right, and so I make sure I get there early enough. Guess what, she's not ready and he's all over the place and I'm like hey, just come sit here, just the you know, Tiffy Huh.
Speaker 3:I had no idea.
Speaker 4:And he's like I got this thing I want to show you. I made this video. I'm like like I don't want to be late for church. Okay, so there's more to this story. I gotta.
Speaker 1:I gotta keep going.
Speaker 4:So so it's like okay, so we're out the door. I'm like okay, so I'm at, we're at church, right.
Speaker 3:And her kids are texting me.
Speaker 4:Did you ask? Did you ask Right?
Speaker 3:Because we, yeah, shows up and he knows he needs that it's his house. It's his house so and so anyway.
Speaker 3:So they're trying to get out, but tiffany's just talking to him and stuff, like I'm like I've got to go right, and so they're unloading groceries so uh, so I mean, it's just just, I know what I was in for, right, and so so, anyway, so I finally get her to sit down and I and I just you know, I just um let her see this video that I put together, right, and it's basically pictures of us and stuff like that.
Speaker 4:And I critiqued it. I'm like are you going to use this for something? Cause like half of our heads are cut off, half of the pictures like this way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then I, and then I wrote a um something for her. Basically I will. What kind of a man am I going to be for her Right? And I think at that time it started, kind of like to sink in, like no, I didn't think you should know.
Speaker 4:I was like oh, he's just doing another poem or something that he's written for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I did this. Of course I'm crying yeah and uh, and so then I go to get on one knee and then no, you asked me to stand up. Yeah, I asked you to stand up, but then I go to get on one knee.
Speaker 4:I know, but I was going to give you a hug. I thought you were just going to give me a hug.
Speaker 3:Can you stand up so I can have a hug Typical Tiffany and her family as I get on my knee. Her brother calls. Her phone's just blaring in the background In the other room, and so I proposed to her and she says yes, but you know she's, she's got a big family, she's on the phone a lot with them and stuff like that. Um, there's a lot of love there. But it was, it was, it was pretty and she had no idea what's gonna happen no, I did it yeah even after looking for rings together and all this other stuff.
Speaker 1:So um well, that's so fun that it was just such a surprise yeah, he bought like three rings to make sure that. Oh my god, that's a story for another day.
Speaker 3:It's not that I was just out buying rings.
Speaker 1:That is so funny, did you?
Speaker 2:get them the right size. That's what I want to know.
Speaker 4:This is the original ring.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, that is so awesome.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 1:So how do you both envision growing old together?
Speaker 4:Working, playing, laughing, enjoying family, enjoying God in our lives and supporting each other.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, those are the big ones. I'll drill down just a little bit. We both focus on grandkids and we want to be the best grandkids and the kids, right.
Speaker 4:He focuses more on the grandkids.
Speaker 1:Oh, I just love it, that's me.
Speaker 3:You know why they think I'm cool.
Speaker 1:Well, I would too, definitely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah For me, like Tiff said, I'm more of a planner. I've already given her a here's where we look financially in 10 years if we just stay on this track. Right, I've already given her a here's where we look financially in 10 years If we just stay on this track Right.
Speaker 3:So for me it's it's next five years. We're just, we're going to work and we're going to play. We're going to work hard, play hard and hopefully our bodies hold up and everything like that, and take good care of ourselves so that we can be there for everybody. And I know Tiffany's going to be called on a lot by not only her mom but her siblings and your kids kids too, whether it's babysitting or what have you and I and I hope that we're in a position and no, I know that we'll be in a position to where that she can just stop and go. To be able to have that freedom to just go and be present with them is really, really important to me.
Speaker 1:Do you think that either one of you would start to feel resentful having to spend so much extra time with extended family children, grandkids and not as much together?
Speaker 4:That was actually that was vetted out early. Yeah, because. I was like I don't want. That was a previous issue.
Speaker 3:Her previous issue, a landmine.
Speaker 4:Oh, it was a huge landmine. I put others before jealousy and major jealousy and I could be present, but it was always. And so craig's learned that sometimes phone calls will come in and I try to really vent them out like if is it really important? Or if we're just in the car just jamming, it doesn't matter if I take a phone call, you know, but if we're in a conversation or whatever, depending on the child you know, and how long they'll talk. But um, yeah, I says this is a big thing for me. I don't want to be in a relationship where you feel jealous or that you want me to put my kids last or my family last, you know, and you feel this way you remember the movie ice age 2?
Speaker 3:where I'm gonna be ice age 2 where share this with me there goes our last female I was like hold on well, where sid goes, she's a ton of fun and you're no fun. She completes you, and so so, if you remember that, I look at us in the sense that her kids call all the time right. She has such a great relationship with them and you know, going through the whole all the you mean like once a day.
Speaker 4:sometimes some will call more than that, but I work for one, so I talked to him more on a regular basis.
Speaker 3:I don't talk to my children that much.
Speaker 4:No, you don't.
Speaker 3:Right, so we complete each other. We both have really good relationships with our children, right, and she has multiple conversations, sometimes a day, with some children and then she talks to them on a regular basis, and then she's got her siblings With me, like even with my siblings. I might talk to them every couple months or so forth, and my children text here and there, or maybe a phone call every now and then just to set up a meeting. But that's how we communicate with our children. It's just different and I appreciate how she has her children.
Speaker 3:I don't expect her relationship to be with her children the way mine is with mine and then vice versa right and so and that's that's where I sometimes joke if, if my children were on the phone with me as much, or demanding me to come over as much as her children, we'd really be like, okay, how are we going to manage this? But it works right now with us.
Speaker 4:They usually want to feed us.
Speaker 2:That's a good thing, oh that's nice, because now you have a food bill.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, it's awesome Like, oh, you want us to come over Sure and so I'll change plans, just to go eat.
Speaker 3:We'll have to tell you about the whole food bill thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Craig has both of his parents have passed and I have my parents and then step parents, step, you know the parents, the step spouses. Yeah, and then he has two siblings. I have eight siblings.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, there's a lot of Tiffany going out, yeah, and so my mom was single for a long time off and on right.
Speaker 4:Well, even when she was married she was single. So us kids have a different bond, like we can do, do, do, do, do, do, right, and then we're back loving each other and supporting each other, where maybe some families would be like, oh we just bickered, we're not going to talk for a while, you know, and that has happened. But for the most part my family wants to plan family reunions. They come to town or something We'll do dinner. We'll stop by and do dinners, you know, or whatever, when we're traveling, or just here in town, or just like one night we sat and had yogurt with two of them for two and a half hours you know, so it's just different you know.
Speaker 3:So his sister comes to town and she hangs out with well, we were getting wet, mary, but I mean she was loving on you and everything she loves you, yeah, so every everything's, you know just, it's just different, mine's big, a big family so imagine the number of interviews I had to go through to get to this point Right Come on oh my gosh, that's hilarious. The scars I can't even imagine the scars from that, every one of them. They give her feedback, you know.
Speaker 4:Oh, I'm sure, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It was awesome. Yeah, it was awesome.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's great, so awesome. Yeah, it was awesome, right. Oh, that's great so well. What's something you both look forward to in this marriage that you didn't get to experience in your past?
Speaker 4:oh, there you go first having some besides freedom, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, having someone give without there being a expectation yes expectation to it.
Speaker 4:You know like, if I do this, then what? So it's really refreshing to know that. And he, he often just volunteers to do it with, you know, no strings attached or no expectations, or you expected me to do it my way. Usually Craig's like tell me how you want this done and I'll do it. I'm like, just do it how you want to do it. He's like, no, tell me and then I'll do it. And I'm like I want to do it the way you'd like it, especially with cleaning. But I'm like, no, you just do it. You do a great job. And but there are some things, like you know, I'll say, hey, can you do this? These things really bug me. So we've kind of vented out a few of those to have someone who communicates. Or, hey, I'm going to go do this, this and this, and then I'll be home. Hey, do you need anything from the store? I'm heading to the store Like the pre the communication. As far as, hey, is there something that you need while I'm out? Hey, I got this.
Speaker 2:The checking in.
Speaker 1:I love that. Just so good at that too. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 3:There were times I wasn't.
Speaker 2:So the checking in piece is really important, I think, especially if there's ever been any trust that has been lost, and to continue to make okay, here's where I am, here's where I'm going, this is going on. I'm excited to see you. Can't wait till we get back together. You know those pieces of even just minor two-second communications.
Speaker 3:They are huge for us yeah, exactly, yeah yeah, for me it's just, you know someone that's patient, right, she's patient like I mean, as much as I try to do things right as much as I can, I'm human and I make mistakes and Tiffany has a lot of patience in that sense, right, not perfect and she's able to just kind of like is what it is. You know, let's move on. It could be anything from like. I almost ran her over yesterday. I think she was walking behind my car and she walked in front. You know, on my previous marriage, my day was over, you know, it was done and uh, and she just laughed about it. Also, there was a I laughed.
Speaker 4:I'm like hey, hey, you're gonna run me over here.
Speaker 1:She's laughing because she almost ran her over, yeah yeah, I wasn't like I was driving though, but yeah, I mean, I just something dumb, it was dumb, I wasn't paying attention I'm glad you find that humorous well, that's just it.
Speaker 3:She found it humorous. I'm like, oh my gosh, and I knew that, I knew that early on and there's, there was one time when, um, I, I learned that during hard times, and this is, this is a really big thing with me, and I don't know if I touched on this last episode, but oh, actually I think you touched on it, tiffany when, um, we were floating down the river on paddle boards and we turned around to go back up the river.
Speaker 4:I don't think I've heard that.
Speaker 3:And then all of a sudden, I mean so we go down like a mile and a half, almost two miles, and it's just, we're jamming to music, we're just having a great time and it was easy. It was so easy because we're going down so easy.
Speaker 3:All of a sudden the wind picks up. It gets to that time of day and it picks up to where there's almost little white caps. We have to turn around and go upstream and for every time you paddle and you go two feet forward, you're going one foot back but we're almost to the dam where it drops off, so you needed to be going back the other way.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh that's terrifying we were
Speaker 3:actually, we actually were and this is this speaks to our character. We were actually looking at people around us to see if they need help, even though we were trying to get ourselves out of it, right and so. But for me, and this is something that excites me you asked earlier about the future with me and Tiffany, or Tiffany and I is we're paddling and it's a struggle, it's a big. I mean, it must have been two hours back up, this thing and I'm just worried. I'm just like, okay, man, how mad is she and all this other stuff? And I look over and she's on her board dancing and singing still, and just got ready to go over the dam.
Speaker 3:I was. I was just like that's something I needed in my life, right, some positivity and someone that says okay, this is a hard thing, we're doing a hard thing right now and and it was hard yeah it was hard. It was so hard.
Speaker 3:but but we're going to have fun doing the hard thing, yeah, well that's life, right Hard, it's just life and I just look good, thinking that, no matter what comes our way, that I figure I felt like I have a partner now, that we'll be able to be positive and we can. We can get through anything.
Speaker 1:Well, and I, I just love that. So, going along with that, what are some bucket list experiences you can't wait to share as a couple?
Speaker 3:Oh, boy, you know what he?
Speaker 4:has a really big bucket list. Mine is just.
Speaker 1:So talk about your top three.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I, you know I'd love to go and travel and I've never really gone that much out of the country. We talked about traveling and so we have a trip planned this year and we're at the. We're at that part in life where you know I want this travel buddy here and go do stuff. So where's the trip scheduled for? We are actually going to go to scotland with some friends and we're going to go there for a little bit, but prior to that we're gonna go to italy and then go to scotland.
Speaker 4:So very good italy trip planned yeah, exactly yes about that you're gonna take a cruise, though that one sounds really yeah.
Speaker 2:We're excited about it, for sure.
Speaker 4:So awesome so.
Speaker 3:I'm excited about that. I'm also excited about just actually you know what this is, just the, the getting old part, you know just to get an old well, not about getting old with you, getting old together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I just think Growing closer as you age.
Speaker 3:It's inevitable, it's happening right.
Speaker 1:It's happening, whether we like it or not. Tiffany, how do you plan to keep your relationship strong and thriving in the years to come?
Speaker 3:oh, I'm curious about that too, are you?
Speaker 4:yeah, do tell do tell, making sure I make time for craig and I. You know, just those small moments talking about goals that we have, about each other's interest, I think really just staying connected in the things that are important, you know, being able to have that connection, like really being interested in each other. Craig is always throwing new ideas at me. I'm just always grinding. You know he comes with different ideas and I'm like, okay, let's think about it. You know he comes with different ideas and I'm like, okay, let's think about it. You know, just, I I'm not as much a goal setter per se as much as I am just yeah, I'm just a grinder, like I know what needs to happen. He's like, if we put this much money away, I'm like how does that really look? And that actually makes me go a little bit into panic, like, oh, then I have the money sitting there, then what's going to happen with it? Right?
Speaker 4:so, based on history yeah, based on history so still working through some of that stuff um my own brain stuff, but seeing that grow and you know that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I just yeah, are you guys both seen like a counselor with all the stuff that you're dealing with?
Speaker 4:no, no no, no, I just finished up my life coaching. Craig has suggested he's like we should do some counseling or something. I have a few programs that I've purchased. Yeah, it would be really good to doing stuff like this being involved with this, listening to stuff, sharing stuff.
Speaker 3:Then we kind of hash back through it, you know yeah, I'm actually open to a lot of different things, more now than I ever was, just because I don't know, maybe because, oh, clearly I got divorced, what I was doing, some of the things I was doing, what didn't work, right, right, so even well, it's good that you recognize that yeah, yeah that's very mature I don't want to.
Speaker 3:I don't want to have anything like that happen again, and so even before we got married I had mentioned to to Tiffany about whether we need it or not. Let's do marriage counseling, let's just get involved in some type of program Start strong. Let's stay active, because we could probably pick things up that can help us.
Speaker 1:Yeah definitely.
Speaker 3:I mean, I feel like we both did enough due diligence prior to our marriage. I'm in the banking world, so due diligence is a word that we or two words, we throw around a lot anyway. So, anyway, we just did a lot of that and I, it's like so how do we keep it strong when the newness wears off, you know, whenever it wears?
Speaker 1:absolutely and it will. It will, oh, most definitely.
Speaker 2:That's one of the biggest concerns I don't know, it's not worn off with me for Tricia I?
Speaker 3:don't know what you're talking about. I'm doing just like hey, tricia, we got to talk on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he said it wore off. Okay, we got to talk. Well, we're actually better now than we ever have been, so that's been exciting To go through a journey to get there, and a lot of people aren't willing to do that.
Speaker 4:So that's one thing. With Craig and I, there's been a few things that have happened, and even right now I'm like you know what, if we hit a little spot just recently and I was like you know what, if that triggers you that much, then maybe we do need to go different ways, maybe we need to look at this in a different way. So either we need to learn how to handle it and address it or you know, let that part be gone and just move forward, because otherwise it's like pounding something that is never going to change, or that happened that you can't change it Right, like, and so you really have to look at those things, like, hey, this is a new start for us. I mean, we still have our past. It can't say new life because it's not a new life. We have our experiences, our feelings, our thoughts our laughter, all came with us.
Speaker 4:But now we get to write the future. You know, there was a talk that I recently gave and it was from a talk from our church, but I rewrote it about a painting and how those brushstrokes just look different now and the part of it's been wiped away, but there's still that little piece and it just is different and not good or bad. You know you have to take it, but you can make it better and you can make it more beautiful because of the experience you already had.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's also you want to look at that big picture and you want to take a look at the things that you've been hurt by the pain, the triggers, the wounds and is there something that you need to navigate to heal? Is that because if you don't heal, then those things will come up later in your marriage Maybe?
Speaker 1:not right now, but it will come up later and the more that you can take those things that you can just let go of, and take the things that that you've learned and grown from and incorporate those pieces into your marriage, that's going to be for a very strong relationship.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know what Trust and how do you get that right, how do you get to those points and having the tools and trying to navigate all that.
Speaker 1:Because there are those things that even we know and we're acutely aware of the fact that there are going to be triggers or what have you that are right, and just having that patience and that that compassion for each other and giving each other that grace that you need yeah and get through it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I heard Tony has a great course, the magnetic marriage, and it sounds like he has another one coming up, so revising it and I just think those little tools of listening and growing and different marriage stuff, and yeah, absolutely absolutely so.
Speaker 1:Who is more set in their ways, and how do you make space for each other's habits?
Speaker 4:we're in our ways, though have you seen that yet?
Speaker 3:I think I okay, this is a really question. Okay, because, because both of us are again, we're givers, right? So we're kind of like we're trying to like adjust and I'm making a number of adjustments, like I'm eating foods I've never eaten before.
Speaker 4:Oh, there you go, I mean smoothies that he would never eat before.
Speaker 3:No, I mean it's, it's's a. That's a really good question, trisha. Um, and that question is really important because I do believe that and this was a cognitive decision I made before I even started dating is is I need change. I need to change, right, I need to. There's things about me that I think are fantastic, but there's things that need to change, and so I'm more open to all of that change, and so being set in my ways didn't work before. Right there you go.
Speaker 3:And I believe that that's true for a lot of like individuals that maybe have difficult to get remarried or have been have difficulty in their marriages. The unwillingness to change and that's according to craig, everybody. That's just according to craig. I'm not anything, but I would think. I would think you have more routines yeah, probably more routine you have more routines, you're more set in those things.
Speaker 4:Yeah yeah, but I mean like when I moved stuff in it was like he wanted to go dig through the storage of my stuff and I'm like no, I'm good, we can just use your stuff. I don't want to dig through it, I don't want to move. So I didn't feel like there was only one thing my blender and a bed that I really needed A mattress right Like doesn't hurt my shoulders, but otherwise.
Speaker 3:I think, daily routines, though you have more daily routines, right.
Speaker 4:They kind of like go out the window though on a regular basis. Like I'll start.
Speaker 3:Remember that whole segment about Tiffany going here and I'm a planner.
Speaker 4:And I'm like, okay, let's do it, Okay, let's do it. And it's like well, my plan to sit down and work for nine hours today just went out the window.
Speaker 3:It totally went out the window. I think it's important Be spontaneous.
Speaker 4:Oh, I'm very, very spontaneous. I love it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, do you agree? No, I mean, I go with the flow and that's a change.
Speaker 4:That's a big change for him. That's a change for me.
Speaker 3:It's like I learned to just go with the flow. I don't, because this is one of the conversations Tiffany and I conversations tiffany and I had early.
Speaker 4:It's like her past that was a problem yeah, if anything changed, it was an explosion you know, like everybody paid for it yeah, and it was like so someone might have homework come up, so we weren't able to go to a park or something. It's like now the whole and it was a great big explosion. You know, instead of like, okay, well, they like, let's do something shorter, let's just stay at home. Just no adjustment mentally could happen without there being explosion. So it's like I just feel life changes so much and if it's really important, you make sure it happens, but everything else is adjustable.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, to a certain degree, and for me, how I've, how I've kind of adapted with it, is okay. These are things that we need to get done, that actually need to get done. They're not going to get done because we're going to go do this.
Speaker 4:We need to get done. That actually need to get done.
Speaker 3:They're not going to get done, because we're going to go do this, yeah Right. So it's like, if we still need to get this stuff down, when are we going to get this done? And and so I'm patient with it.
Speaker 4:But I get stuff done.
Speaker 3:And it's, it's on our, it's on our calendar of things to get done. But I've learned to be a lot more spontaneous and it's been great, it's been fantastic, sure.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what's been the funniest or most unexpected adjustment since getting married, like different sleep schedules, thermostat or remote control wars, you know.
Speaker 2:Does the toilet paper come off the top or off the bottom?
Speaker 1:How do you put your toothpaste on?
Speaker 4:Two different toothpaste, so that's fine. Yeah, I think uh what's been the biggest. I mean it's seriously, you know what has happened to me? I wake myself up snoring and I've never snored really like all of a sudden I'm like, and I'm like what the heck? And I wake myself up like instantly because you're so comfortable, yeah I've never snored before you just touched on it. I had such a compliment. And the other thing is funny thing is that he's had to get comfortable with. Is that the bathroom thing like he's?
Speaker 4:never been in the bathroom when someone's using the bathroom like right and so that's been one of the biggest.
Speaker 1:I'm just like what are you doing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so that's been a huge adjustment, I think for him, especially like he, that's still.
Speaker 3:I think there's a bigger one. Yeah, there's a bigger one. So like the whole dating, you know, yeah, really quick we would. I mean we'd be up till 12, 31 o'clock in the morning oh yeah, get up at like five, five, five thirty four or five hours of sleep.
Speaker 3:I hated those times for almost nine, nine months, yeah, yeah, well now that, now that we're able to actually snuggle I mean it's like I put my arms around. She's out cold. She's out for seven hours. It's like she can't we we have a hard time getting up in the morning you have to saw your arm off, just to get you know he pulls his arm out somehow and I get up to the bathroom and he's moved over.
Speaker 4:I don't know he's like. I don't remember even getting out from underneath there. So yeah, like our bedtime routine, like we go to bed definitely earlier if we can. So yeah, we just yeah and we haven't watched one show.
Speaker 3:Oh, actually, we watched one show yeah, we're not watching TV but we're new, but it took six times to get through it.
Speaker 4:a show, just to sit on the couch. We watch them if we go to the movie theaters, but we just haven't watched very many movies, too busy.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is so great. So if your relationship had a theme song, what would it be? I get to love you 100%.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, oh yeah, that was easy. That was. That was your easiest question. I get to love you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. Ok, so we've got one last one. What is a household habit or quirk about your spouse that makes you laugh?
Speaker 4:Makes you laugh. That makes me laugh. Makes me laugh.
Speaker 3:I don't know about warms your heart.
Speaker 4:He's always trying to do the dishes. He's like pushes me out to do the dishes, like I got the dishes, I got it. So that's really really new.
Speaker 3:Okay, I don't know that makes me laugh, though it's kind of as silly as it sounds, I love the bathroom time when she's doing the makeup, either putting it on or taking it off.
Speaker 2:That makes you laugh.
Speaker 3:I think it just warms my heart. We're just there and you're doing all that. She always makes fun of it. You know what it's like and I absolutely just enjoy just her presence in the home.
Speaker 4:I have to laugh because he takes the toilet paper off to unroll it, to use it, and then he puts it back on the opposite way that it was hung on. I don't know if he realizes he does it. I'm like how does he know that would drive Jeff nuts Every time? I'm like why does he keep on taking it off Like I put it over?
Speaker 3:Now that I know this, you know I'm going to keep doing it.
Speaker 4:Right, what the heck, now that I know, those are the dumbest things, those hand things, instead of just the toilet paper where it pushes in, because then he wouldn't take it off. It'd be too much work for where you can just pull it off, slide it off.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that is so funny. I just love that. All right. So if you guys were to just sum up your relationship in just a couple words, what would those words be? Jeff, I'll let you go too Great.
Speaker 4:Both of you go Cause. I'd love to hear, I'd say, a friendship. We got a friendship too. I enjoy being around each other.
Speaker 3:Freedom to love. I just said joy, joy through. You know, joy is constant, through highs and lows, and constant joy. And you said friendship, friendship's a good one, and then laughter love.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we laugh a lot, we jive a lot. How about you, tricia?
Speaker 1:Mine's all about laughing. I just I love to have a good time. I love when I make Jeff laugh. That's like that, just like he was laughing so hard in the bed last night. It was just he just has a very serious job, and when he can just take a moment and just sit and just enjoy, I, just I, it just means a lot. So I love, love to hear him laugh. I think just having deep compassion understanding for one another.
Speaker 4:it has been a big theme for us. Yeah, I agree, Laughter is huge for us.
Speaker 1:I'm always, we're always making each and pranks, yes, oh, and pranks. I'm the queen of pranks. You are too.
Speaker 3:My family hates me for it Down five to one. She's got five pranks on me to my one, but nothing's transactional.
Speaker 4:Nothing's transactional. Well, actually, that might not be the case in the prank spot.
Speaker 2:Well, we have a thing called TLs, which stands for tell last.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's so fun.
Speaker 2:It's an adaptation of a thing that we did in my family before.
Speaker 4:What does that mean?
Speaker 2:It's if you hear a compliment. If I hear a compliment about Tricia, I will tell her honey, I have a TL for you. That means I'll tell you the compliment last, and so she has to find a compliment that someone said about me first in order to get her TL out.
Speaker 1:Okay, and sometimes it's so hard because it's like, okay, I'll owe you. I hate that's like the worst is when somebody owes the other person.
Speaker 2:And I'm always the one that's down. I'm always the one that's down.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so my kids. We all play it and it's just the most fun event. I mean, my kids are, our kids are in Utah or Yakima. They're like, hey, I have a deal for you. We're like, really Okay. So then they have to wait until someone tells them a compliment about you. I have to um come up with a compliment about them, and then they'll return the compliment that they heard about someone okay, so they can just tell you a compliment okay, got it love it.
Speaker 1:So you have to, you have to and it has to be about some from someone else.
Speaker 2:It can't be. Yeah, it can't be when you just made up okay oh yeah, no, no, you have to.
Speaker 1:It's like oh, that's what I'm saying so you have to.
Speaker 4:Someone has to tell you a compliment about that kid to try for a compliment that they heard about you, correct?
Speaker 3:oh, that might be I'd be calling your kids. I mean, I need something.
Speaker 1:Here's the material sometimes that happens sometimes that does happen and but sometimes they'll know that's not even real. But no, it's so fun, it just really keeps things fun, interactive.
Speaker 2:And positive.
Speaker 1:And positive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's focused on the positive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's great, we love it. We play it all the time. I have to try it. Yes, it's so fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get ready, Craig. Good luck, Craig. We have so fun yeah.
Speaker 1:Get ready, craig. Good luck, craig. We have so enjoyed this conversation. This is our third episode, because we just can't quit talking and having so much fun getting to know the two of you. It has been nothing short of amazing, and you've shared the beauty and the challenges of blending families, the importance of appreciating the little things and the lessons you've learned about love later in life. Your journey is proof that love isn't about getting it perfect. It's about getting it right with the right person at the right time.
Speaker 1:And I want to just take a moment to speak directly to the couples out there who are at their breaking point. If you're done, if there's no spark left, if communication is at an all-time low and you feel more like strangers than partners, I see you. But let me tell you this even the deepest cracks can be mended and even the coldest embers can be reignited. A thriving, connected and fulfilling marriage isn't just for other people. It can be for you too, and if you're willing to take just one step forward, I will take it with you. That's exactly why I created my Healing Hearts coaching program. I work with couples who feel like there's nothing left to salvage, who believe their relationship is absolutely beyond repair. This program is packed with powerful tools, exercises, techniques that I've developed over 37 years of navigating the highs and lows of marriage. If you're ready to take one last step before giving up, let's take it together.
Speaker 1:Please email me at trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom to learn more, and if you have a burning question for our podcast, we'd love to hear from you too. So please send your questions at trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom and who knows, you just might be featured on an upcoming episode and to all of our listeners, thank you for joining us for this incredible three-part series with Tiffany and Craig. If this conversation has spoken to you, please hit subscribe, leave us a review and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll leave you with this. Love isn't always easy, but it is always worth fighting for. So keep growing, keep loving and we'll see you on the next episode. Goodbye, everybody.
Speaker 2:Bye.
Speaker 1:Bye. Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, delighted to share today's gems of wisdom with you. Your questions light up our show, fueling the engaging dialogues that make our community extra special. Keep sending your questions to trishajamesoncoaching at gmailcom. Your curiosity is our compass. Please hit, subscribe, spread the word and let's grow the circle of insight and community together. I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off. Stay curious, keep thriving and keep smiling, and I'll catch you on the next episode.
