Ep 67: Shadow Work 101 - The Real Reason You Keep Repeating The Same Patterns!

Are you really healing - or just avoiding the hard stuff?

We’ve all been there, brushing off our pain, swallowing our anger, telling ourselves to "just let it go." But those hidden wounds? They don’t just disappear. They show up in self-doubt, people-pleasing, perfectionism, toxic relationships, and the fear of choosing yourself.

In this episode, we’re diving deep into shadow work—the parts of you that you’ve been hiding, avoiding, or judging. I’ll walk you through:

✨ Why your unhealed wounds keep running the show (whether you realize it or not)
✨ The real reason you attract toxic relationships and struggle to set boundaries
✨ How society has conditioned women to suppress their anger and shrink their desires
✨ The hard truth about self-love—it’s not just bubble baths and affirmations, it’s owning your dark side too
✨ Practical tools to start integrating your shadow so you stop repeating the same cycles and step into your full power

If you're tired of playing small, tired of the same patterns, and ready to meet the real, unapologetic you—this episode is for you.

💫 Hit play, follow and leave a review if this resonates with you.

🔹 Book a Free 20-Minute Consultation with Dimple: https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/discoverycalldb

💜 Love this episode? And if you feel this episode resonated, don’t forget to leave a 5-star review and share your thoughts. Your journey to self-transformation starts here! 🌟

If you are interested in diving deeper into how you can heal, follow the link to embark on a transformative journey that goes beyond the mind, reshaping both your personal and professional life : https://dimplebindra.com/

Don’t forget to leave a review for the podcast on iTunes! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/supercharge-your-souls-transformation/id1707420787

To receive a free gift, email a screenshot of your review of the Supercharge Your Soul’s Podcast to wecare@dimplebindra.com

Follow me your spiritual bestie to active your fullest expression + laugh along the way:
https://www.instagram.com/dimplebindracoach/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dimplesbindra
https://www.facebook.com/dimple.bindra

Subscribe to my Youtube channels and watch more videos
https://www.youtube.com/@Dimplesbindra

Wanna do a business collaborations with me? Connect on LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dimplebindra

Get my FREE Masterclass https://dimplebindra.com/godimplebindramasterclass

Transcript

How many times have you swallowed your own anger and just brushed off your pain? Or told yourself to just get over it or let it go. How often do you find yourself people-pleasing and overachieving or staying in situations that no longer serve you just to avoid facing the uncomfortable truth?

Now here's the thing. Your shadows are running the show, whether you acknowledge them or not. That self-doubt, the fear of rejection, that guilt for choosing yourself—that's all coming from parts of you that you never allowed to be seen, heard, or loved.

So today's episode is not about surface-level healing, OK, or toxic positivity, which is toxic positivity. I am about to go deep today. Because a lot of people tell me like, Dimple, when you talk, you just go really deep about things. Yes, I do. Because sometimes we have to go deep to understand where this is all stemming from. And we need to confront parts of ourselves that we have been avoiding and finally learn how to integrate them instead of just letting them control you.

Welcome to another episode of Supercharge Your Soul's Transformation podcast. If you are new here, my name is Dimple Bindra, and if you have been listening to me for a while, then please, I really would appreciate it if you can subscribe or follow our show and also give us a review on iTunes.

So here's what we are going to talk about today. We're gonna talk about the ways that your hidden wounds show up in your daily life, whether that's self-sabotage, perfectionism, or fear of success, and why you keep attracting the same toxic relationships. And we're also going to talk about how society has conditioned women to suppress their anger and shrink their desires and just be nice and why it's time to literally break free. And we're also gonna talk about the hard truth about self-love—it's not about the bubble bath and affirmations; it's about owning your dark side also.

And in the end, you will also learn, so stay till the end please. You'll also learn powerful tools and mindset shifts to really start doing the shadow work so that you stop repeating the cycles and start stepping into your full unapologetic power. No more bypassing, no more pretending. OK, it's time for you to meet the real you, the one that's not afraid to take up space or embrace her emotions and just own her story.

And I am gonna go right into my own version of my own story and why I started doing shadow work. So this happened years ago, years ago when I got married, my second marriage, I had not told my partner about my past relationships, and that was just daunting me. I kept feeling like, you know, he doesn't know about my past. How are we gonna do this? And we already had gotten married and some of my friends were like, you don't need to tell him anything. And I'm like, no, but I feel like I really want to be honest and I really want to say the truth. And a lot of my other friends—so I have two sets of friends. One would say, you don't have to tell him about your past, and my other set of friends would say, you know what? Women don't have to tell their past to men because men can't take it.

I get it. A lot of men cannot understand that, but part of me and part of owning my truth was to really speak my truth. So when I opened up to him, I felt like I opened up to myself. When I opened up to Havana and I really told him, dude, this is what my past was, you know, and even though I was ashamed of it, I felt like he took it in a very positive way. I felt like he did not judge me for what I was judging about myself. And I had to do this work with my friends first, then I did it with my partner.

And what really is shadow work, right? So I am going to really break this down for you. Shadow work is basically the work, the parts of you that you deny, the parts of you that you have been hiding from yourself, the parts of you that you feel like you're so ashamed of. I hate this about myself. And somewhere deep down in your memories, it's stored and it has become one of your identities. And when you understand that you have not integrated those parts of you in the current present time, you start playing small, you ignore your intuition, you downplay your feelings just to avoid being too much because you haven't integrated those parts of you.

Shadow work is also about learning to integrate your flaws with your strengths, OK? So what were some of my flaws? Some of my flaws were that I used to feel people were judging me. My other shadow side was that I could not open up and tell people why I did what I did. For example, I was in lots of relationships all at one time. Why? Because I wanted to feel confident, I wanted to feel loved, I wanted them to tell me that I am pretty, I speak well. So I had multiple friendships, and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, I'm actually talking about friendships too.

I realized down the line that sometimes I would just have these toxic friends too, who used to betray me, abandon me, or abuse me, and I would allow that to happen because I did not know any better. That was one of my shadows. My shadow side was also that I was ashamed to tell them that I did not want to be friends with them. I was ashamed to own up to the fact that I am beautiful, and I was ashamed to even feel it from within—that I have the sense of security or strength about how I feel about myself. I was just ashamed of who I was, and it was playing so much toll on my mind and my body.

I know I'm rambling here, but I'm trying to say that your shadow side is the part of you that you have not accepted. That part of you is something that you are ashamed of—not the other person whom you're going to speak it out to, but you’re just ashamed of it. Maybe you did something wrong, maybe you feel like, oh shit, I did this one thing that can cause a lot of disrespect to my family. You’re hiding parts of your own story.

So why does this matter, right? The truth is, most of us girls were raised to be good girls, right? To be likable, to keep the peace, to avoid conflict at all costs. And in the process, we buried the parts of ourselves that didn't fit the mold—the anger, the ambition, the desire, the sadness. But here's the thing: What you suppress does not disappear. It actually controls you from the background.

And that's why today we're diving into this topic. Not just for what it is, but how to actually do it so you can stop repeating the same damn patterns.

So what is shadow work really? By now, you're probably thinking, OK, you know what, she's rambling. Yes, I'm rambling because sometimes I can think over 1000 thoughts in one minute, and I know you can too. But at its core, shadow work is basically about bringing awareness to the parts of you that have been suppressed and about owning your pain instead of projecting it onto others. It’s also about recognizing that your bad habits and your triggers are not random—they're just rooted in unhealed wounds, OK?

So I'm going to give you an example. Have you ever wondered why you attract emotionally unavailable partners? I know I did in the past. Maybe you grew up feeling like love had to be earned instead of freely given. So when you believe that love has to be earned, you keep doing something, thinking that one day this person will love you, one day this person will love you—but that's not true. Because that is what you grew up with.

I'm gonna give you another example. This is something I experienced—struggling with saying no. Maybe as a child, your needs were dismissed. Maybe you learned that keeping people happy was the only way to feel safe. Another example is feeling like you were never good enough. Again, all these things I’m telling you are from my personal story. That inner critic inside you? It’s often just a reflection of the voices you heard growing up.

When we keep repeating these patterns—getting angry, feeling frustrated, attracting the same toxic people—it's because we haven’t integrated our flaws, which means we haven’t accepted our shadow side. Your shadow side is the part of you that holds all those old beliefs, while your "golden side" is the positivity you admire in others. The golden side is when you fall in love and feel those butterflies in your stomach. When you admire someone, when you see something beautiful in someone else, you are projecting what already exists within you onto them. But today, we’re talking about the opposite—the deep stuff, the things nobody knows but you, the things buried so deep you may not even be fully aware of them.

So today, we are reflecting. How do you start your shadow work journey? Shadow work doesn’t mean drowning in the past. It means getting honest about how your past is still shaping your present. Here's where you need to start.

Step one: Name your shadow. What’s the pattern you keep repeating? Where does it come from? You have to do some deep soul reflection as you listen to this podcast.

Step two: Question the story you’re telling yourself. For example, when I used to see a guy I was dating looking at another woman, I would instantly feel jealous and insecure. My mind would tell me, "I’m not beautiful enough," "My body isn’t good enough," "I must not be enough." But was that actually true? Or was that just a belief I had carried for years?

Step three: Meet your shadow with compassion. Your shadow is not your enemy. It’s the wounded part of you that needs love, not rejection. So what I would do is sit with myself and say, “No, Dimple, that’s not true. You are beautiful. You have gorgeous eyes, curly hair. You are worthy.” I would hold myself, hug myself, and remind myself how amazing I am. And then, I would calm myself down.

So again:

1. Name your shadow.
2. Question the story you’re telling yourself.
3. Meet that story with compassion.

Now, I want to share some affirmations to help integrate your shadow. Say these out loud or write them down. These have helped me so much over the years:

• I am safe to embrace every part of me, light and dark.
• My past does not define me, but understanding it empowers me.
• I give myself permission to feel, express, and heal without shame.
• I am whole exactly as I am.

I want you to remember—shadow work is the key to stepping into your full power. Not just the parts of you that are easy to love, but the parts that make you complex, deep, and whole. If you’re ready to stop running from yourself and start owning who you truly are, this is your invitation. You need to sit with yourself and bring out the parts of you that you do not like, or the parts of your past that you are still ashamed of. You have to give those parts love because if you don’t, you will keep repeating toxic cycles.

Let me share another story that might help. One of my clients was assaulted as a child. One of his toxic traits was that every time he got into a fight, he would become super violent. His wife—who was also my client—would say, "Dimple, my husband keeps yelling, screaming, and running away after every fight." So I told her, "Let’s do some shadow work with your husband."

One of the exercises she did with him was to simply sit down and ask, "What are some things you don’t like about yourself?" And when he calmed down, he admitted, "I don’t like how I get so violent. I don’t like how I get so angry and start calling names." As he reflected, he realized where it all came from—he had been physically assaulted by his father as a child. His anger wasn’t random. It was a survival response from his unhealed trauma.

But once he acknowledged it and started speaking to his inner child with love and compassion, everything changed. He literally sat with himself and said, "I’m so sorry this happened to you. I will no longer let this define me." When he started giving love to that wounded part of himself—the child inside him who never felt safe—he stopped reacting with rage.

Sometimes, what we need most is to give ourselves that love, that support, that compassion. Because when you start accepting those parts of yourself, your shadow integrates into your golden side. Your wounds become wisdom. Your struggles become strength.

And I remember one of my golden sides—something I admired so much in others—was Oprah Winfrey. I loved the way she spoke. And then I realized, part of me could speak that way too. Even though today was a rambling podcast, anyway.

I hope this helped. If it did, please leave us a review on iTunes. Follow us wherever you listen to podcasts. And always remember, you can hit me up anytime, ask me questions, or book a call with me if you need help.

Stay tuned for our next episode. And always remember—Metamorphosis, Not Medication.

Enjoy working with your shadow side.

Namaste.