Ep 87: Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong People And How to Finally Break the Pattern?

If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I keep ending up with people who hurt me?”  this episode is for you.

In this raw and powerful episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, Dimple unpacks the subconscious trauma patterns that keep women stuck in toxic relationship loops.
You'll learn how your nervous system, early childhood wounds, and unhealed belief systems are shaping your love life, not your logic.

This isn’t about blame, it’s about awakening.

💔 What You’ll Learn:

✅ Why you're not broken, you're wired for emotional protection
✅ How your childhood trauma shapes your adult relationships
✅ The truth about chemistry vs. compatibility
✅ How to spot red flags (and stop bypassing your body’s truth)
✅ 5 practical steps to break the toxic love cycle
✅ A daily nervous system regulation practice to reset your experience of love
✅ How to write your own “green flag list”
✅ Why understanding your relationship archetype changes everything

You’re not crazy. You’re awakening.
And you are worthy of love that doesn’t hurt.

✨ Want to Know Why You Keep Choosing Pain?

✨ Take the free Healing Archetype Quiz and discover the unconscious pattern running your relationships.

🎧 Press play to finally understand the deeper “why”  and take your power back.

✨ Not sure why you keep sabotaging your healing or staying stuck in survival mode? Take my free Healing Archetype Quiz to uncover the hidden pattern blocking your power and discover how to rise as the woman you were born to be.

🧘‍♀️ Book a free 20-minute trauma healing consultation
🌐 Explore resources & programs at dimplebindra.com

🔗 Connect With Me on Socials:

📲 Instagram: @dimplebindra
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📘 Facebook: Dimple Bindra
💼 LinkedIn (for collabs): Dimple Bindra

🙏 If this meditation touched your soul, please leave a 5-star review it helps more women around the world find this sacred space.

Transcript

You are not broken because you keep choosing the wrong person. You're just choosing from a place that was built on survival and not safety. And I want to say that again—not because you're broken, but because you were wired for protection. So you are not crazy, you are not dramatic. You are not asking for too much. You have just never been taught what love is supposed to feel like in your nervous system.

Welcome back to another episode of The Dimple Bindra Show. This is the sacred space where we rip off the masks, unlearn the lies, and remember who we truly are. This is for every woman who's ever wondered, like, why do I keep attracting people who hurt me? And today we are going to go deep into that question.

If this episode speaks to your soul, I need you to follow the show, please leave us a review and take the Healing Archetype Quiz at dimplebindra.com, and I'm also gonna add it to the show notes. It's a gift that I made just for you.

So today's podcast is about: why do I keep attracting the wrong people? OK, sister, let's have a real conversation, OK? You and me and just us together. Have you ever felt that? Have you ever had that moment where you meet someone new and you feel lit up inside? Like there is this instant chemistry, this electricity in your stomach, almost like your soul is saying, yes, this is the one. But then weeks or months later, you find yourself spiraling, questioning, you're probably even overthinking. And you're waiting for their text message. And you're feeling unseen, unheard, unheld again.

Did that ever happen to you? Well, it has happened to me. And it has been happening to me over and over again until I figured out that I'm attracting the wrong people in my life. So, let me ask you this very gently, OK? What if that initial rush wasn't your soul saying yes, but it's your wound that's being reactivated?

I'll say that again. What if that initial high energy you felt when you met that person—and you thought it's your soul saying, wow, this person is for me—but it's actually not. It's the same wound that you have within your soul, psyche, body, mind, heart... but now that wound has been reactivated.

I just want you to just take a deep breath here, OK? Just inhale for me, please, and then exhale. Because what I'm about to say is not easy, but if you hear it, and I will get through it towards the end of this podcast, it's gonna really liberate you.

So girl, here's what's really happening, and I'm saying this from my own freaking experience, OK? You're not attracting toxic people because you're weak. You attract them because your nervous system learned that inconsistency feels like love.

So let me explain, OK? When we are little and love is completely inconsistent for us or comes with conditions, our system wires itself to associate that stress—that unpredictability—with affection. And later in life, when we meet someone who feels familiar, like hot and cold at the same time... they’re unpredictable, they are emotionally unavailable... your body will light up because that's what's familiar to you.

Makes sense? Not because they're safe, but because they feel familiar to you. Not because they're safe, but because they feel familiar. And familiarity feels safe, even if it's painful.

So, I want you to hear this very loud and very clear: Familiar is not the same as healthy, OK? Sometimes when we feel familiar with a person, we feel like, wow, I feel butterflies when this person is around me. Yeah, you feel butterflies because that's what you have been feeling since you were a kid, but it doesn't mean it's healthy.

And if there are intense emotions in that person or in your relationship—intensity is not intimacy. OK? Next: Chemistry is not compatibility. I'll say that again: Familiar isn't the same as healthy. Intensity is not the same as intimacy. And chemistry isn't compatibility.

So you're not chasing love, you're chasing the feeling you were taught to call love. Does that make sense? If it makes sense, then please, I need you to listen up all the way till the end, OK?

And I'm saying this with so much compassion for you: You're not crazy for doing that. You're just a woman with a tender heart and a powerful subconscious pattern that's been running the show. It was running the show for me. In all of my relationships in the past—especially when the men I dated were toxic—it was because I thought, "This is the person for me." But it wasn’t. It’s because my body's subconscious pattern has been running the show.

So how do we come out of this cycle, right? How do we break the cycle is what you're probably wondering. How do we really break this pattern?

Number one: We start by becoming intimate with ourselves. So you gotta really talk about a few deeper shifts that you can begin making right now, OK?

So, how do we do that? The first step, obviously, is you need to understand whatever you're gonna do now, this is gonna help you to be intimate with yourself. And then I'm gonna talk about the different steps that you need to take in your life if you're listening to this podcast—because if you're listening to this, there is a reason you're listening to this, OK?

So number one: You have to name the pattern. Which means, here's what I want you to do. I want you to pull out your journal, and I want you to write down the names of three people you have dated. Just write down any three people that come to your mind, OK? Three people. And then you're gonna ask yourself: What did they trigger in me? I need you to really ask yourself that question. What did all these three people really trigger in me?

That's your first question. Second: What did I believe I had to become in order to keep them? Where you had to be—did you have to go to the gym? Did you feel like you had to do extra makeup? Did you feel like you had to be extra nice with them? Did you feel like you needed to be their mother? So, second question that you need to write in your journal is: What did I believe I had to become in order to keep them?

And the third thing I want you to ask yourself is this: What part of me was I ignoring to make that relationship work? What part of me was I ignoring to make that relationship work?

And I need you to journal these three things and then write it down, because that is what will come out of you and you will understand, “Oh, this is the pattern that’s within me that I need to really change.”

So number one step was naming the pattern, OK? Because awareness is everything.

Second step: You gotta honor the red flags. Early on, your body always knows. OK, maybe your stomach tightened, maybe your breath got shallow, but your mind said, “Oh, give him a chance.” I know I did that multiple times in the beginning of my relationships that failed. I always gave them a chance. I would say things to myself like, “Oh, he must be going through some trauma,” or “Oh my God, he probably has childhood trauma.” Like, being a coach, I always have hope in people. I always feel like I can help this person—but I was wrong.

Because if there are red flags that are happening in the relationship, you're not supposed to accept the person with the red flag. You're supposed to say, “Nope, this is not good for me. I'm no longer going to tolerate it,” from the get-go. Which means the first time a guy disrespects you, or the first time you find the guy is cheating on you, or the first time you find out the guy is lying to you, you have to put a full stop to it.

Because if you do, then that person is going to obviously leave your relationship, right? Because you're not tolerating that and you're not giving him a chance—and you're moving on, right?

So you're gonna honor the red flags. And from now on, I really want you to trust your body more than someone else's potential. So even though a guy may be a very good guy by heart, but if he's showing you these red flags—don’t think you can fix him. You have to honor the red flags and move on. You've got to trust your body, because your body is not lying. There is a reason behind all this, OK? Your soul knows what it's doing, your body knows, and it's giving you the answers—you need to listen to it.

All right, so recapping this: Two steps. You're gonna name the pattern in your journal. Number two: You're gonna honor the red flags.

Number three—this is a big one, oh my God—OK: I need you to practice nervous system safety. This one is huge. Because if your body is addicted to chaos, right? Peace is gonna feel so boring. Peace will be like, “Oh, this doesn’t feel right,” because your body is addicted to chaos. Maybe you were in a dysfunctional family. Maybe your parents used to fight a lot. Maybe your parents or your caregivers used to do false accusations with each other. So that’s what feels real to you. That’s what you feel like—this is all you should be getting in a relationship. But that’s not true.

So I need you to do this every morning: I need you to place one hand on your heart and one on your womb, OK? Any hand—it doesn’t matter. You can use your right hand on your heart, left hand on your womb. You will take five deep breaths. You’re gonna say out loud: “I am safe to receive calm, grounded love.” I am safe to receive calm, grounded love. And I want you to do this daily. Because you will literally then train—or I should call it retrain—your body to receive love that doesn’t come with panic.

Because if you’re panicking around this person—“What is he going to do?” “Where is he going?” “What is he gonna say?” “Is he gonna be OK if I don’t text him?”—then you are not in a safe relationship. OK? So I need you to practice nervous system safety.

OK, we have two more steps. Are you with me? Are you still with me? Great.

Number four: I need you to make a green flag list. Oh my goodness, I did not do this. I need you to really make—completely make—a green flag list. We all know the red flags, but what does healthy love feel like to you? You need to make that list down. You need to write it out. Is it consistent communication? Is that what you need to feel safe—and that’s your green flag? Is it emotional availability? Is it support for your goals? Is it physical affection? If you don’t name it, your brain won’t recognize it when it arrives. So I need you to really write your list down. And you’re not crazy to write your list down. If you write your list, hopefully your brain will understand: this is what’s on my list, this is all I need to feel safe in a relationship. And that’s what you will attract, OK?

I missed the green flag list. Yeah. So I want to make sure that you don’t make the mistake that I made.

Number five—this is the last step for you: I need you to learn your archetype.

OK, what does that mean? What is your archetype? You have a super unique pattern that shows up in relationships. Maybe you are the fixer—I was the fixer. Maybe you are the overgiver. Maybe you are the avoider. Or you are the achiever. And until you know that pattern, you’ll keep replaying it.

That’s why I and my team—so I should say my team and I—my team and I created the Healing Archetype Quiz, so you can finally see your blueprint and rewrite it.

And let me say something that may really help you: You did not fail because the relationship ended, OK? And if you're still in this relationship with this person, you're not failing. You succeeded the moment you saw that it was not love—and chose yourself instead.

I know. I absolutely know how lonely it can feel to start over again. I know what it feels like to grieve a person who’s still alive. And I know the ache of holding so much hope in your hands, watching it like crumble in front of your eyes.

But you know what’s even more powerful? The woman who rises. The woman who learns to trust herself again. The woman who realizes: I was never unlovable—I just kept trying to love people who couldn’t love me back.

You deserve a love that doesn’t make you abandon yourself. You deserve a love that meets you fully, freely, and without any conditions. And you become that safe space. You know? You become that soft landing. You become that consistent one. Because whatever you’re attracting is because you also are not that person—that’s why you’re attracting that person.

So you have to teach your body, day by day, that love is not earned through pain—it’s received through your presence.

And I want you to remember this: If you’ve been stuck in the cycle—attracting the wrong people, getting your hopes up, and then they break your heart, and then you end up breaking your own heart—you’re not doomed, all right?

You are just waking up. Let that be your new story. Let that be your next chapter.

So I want you to take the quiz so that you can get the clarity and give yourself permission to finally break the pattern. You can find the Healing Archetype Quiz at dimplebindra.com.

You’re not too much. You were never too needy. You’ve just been trying to fill the hole someone else has left—with the same kind of person who created it.

But now you get to fill that hole with love. With you. With the truth and healing.

I see you, girl. I see you. I’ve been on this journey myself. I know it sucks. It fucking sucks. But I’m here to tell you—I love you. I honor your journey. And I’ll see you in the next episode of The Dimple Bindra Show.

Thank you so much for listening. If this episode spoke to you, then please give us a review on iTunes. I will really appreciate it. And if you felt something shifting in your chest or your gut—that’s not just a podcast moment. That’s your soul saying, hey, we are ready.

So head over to dimplebindra.com and take my Healing Archetype Quiz. I’m also gonna add the link to my show notes. It’s gonna help you understand the pattern that’s been running your life—the one you didn’t even know was there.

And once you take the quiz, you’ll see a button to join the waitlist for You Are Awakening. That’s my women’s circle, and it’s where we do this work together with other amazing sisters.

You don’t have to heal in silence anymore. I’m so glad you’re here. And I’ll see you in the next episode. Bye.