Ep 89: Toxic Men Don’t Pick You, They Smell Your Wounds!

In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we dive into why toxic men are drawn to women carrying unhealed trauma wounds. If you’ve experienced toxic relationships, betrayal trauma, or emotional abuse, this conversation will give you the tools to start your healing journey, reclaim your feminine power, and rise stronger. This episode is personal and I’m not holding back.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why do I keep ending up with men who hurt me?” 

I need you to listen to this one all the way through. It’s not because you’re weak. It’s not because you’re not enough. It’s because somewhere along the way, you were taught to confuse love with pain.

I’m walking you through the real reason toxic men keep showing up in your life and what to do about it. I’ll break down the 4 types of women they’re drawn to (yes, I’ve been one of them), how to spot your survival patterns, and how to finally reclaim your truth.

I’ll teach you:

• Why flattery works on unhealed wounds
• How to stop explaining your boundaries
• What “inner addiction” really means (and how to heal it)
• Why you’re not in love with him, you’re in love with the potential
• 5 steps to stop attracting men who drain you
• A sacred breathing ritual and affirmations to shift your energy now

If this episode cracks you open, good. That means it’s working.

✨ Not sure why you keep sabotaging your healing or staying stuck in survival mode? Take my free Healing Archetype Quiz to uncover the hidden pattern blocking your power and discover how to rise as the woman you were born to be.

✨ Take the free Healing Archetype Quiz
🧘‍♀️ Book a free 20-minute trauma healing consultation
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Transcript

Toxic men don't pick you because you were weak, or you are weak. They pick you because they can smell your wounds the same way predators smell blood in the water.

Welcome back to the Dimple Binger show. This one's gonna be super raw for all of you women. This one's personal. And if you have ever felt like you attract men who take, manipulate or discard you, this episode is going to land really hard on your heart, my friend, but it will also set you free.

If you have ever asked yourself, why do I keep ending up with men who hurt me? I need you to stay with me all the way till the end because it's not about how pretty you are or how smart you are or how loving you are. It's actually about what you unconsciously tolerate. Because somewhere along the way, someone taught you that love and pain are supposed to live in the same sentence.

I'll explain more, stay till the end, and if you're ready to really break that pattern, I just want you to take the healing archetype quiz that I made for you. The link will be in the show notes, or you can go on to my website, dimplebindra.com. And find out which survival archetype is making you magnetic to the very pain you're trying to escape.

So, let's get real. Toxic men don't pick you. They smell your wounds. This is gonna be our podcast episode for today. So let's get into this sister.

Toxic men, you know, they don't show up as villains at first. They're charming, they're good looking. They show up as validation, as so much of charm as finally as someone sees me. But here is what they are doing on their end. They're studying you. They are mirroring you. They make you feel like you have met your soul mate. And just when you start to soften, they switch. The compliments fade. The confusion starts, right? And suddenly you're addicted to the chase. You're trying to win back the version of him he pretended to be.

But let's pause here for a second. That's not your fault, but it is your pattern that you need to heal. Because here's the truth, toxic men smell the girl who still hasn't been told she's worthy. So they start telling you those things. They love bomb you. They say, oh my God, you're so beautiful, you look like a model, and you're like, wow, flattery and flattery works, right, for women who don't feel worthy inside. Flattery works.

So they sense your hunger for love. They sense your hunger for reassurance. They sense your hunger for finally being chosen, and they feed on that. And this is not about blaming them. This is just about awareness. You need to be aware of these kind of people, because toxic men are drawn to a couple of kind of women, and I'm going to talk about that on this podcast.

You know, so either they are drawn to the overgiver. A person who keeps giving their time, their energy, their money. Away, they're drawn to those kind of women.

Number 2, they're drawn to, listen to this carefully, the empath who does not know her boundaries. The empath is a woman who, if a toxic guy says a sad story, she'll be like, oh my goodness, she'll also cry with you. And she does not know how to say no. She does not know how to say, I got to go. I have work to do. She'll keep doing the things that she does not even want to do in the first place just because she feels your pain.

Number 3, the healer. That's me, who thinks she can love him into his potential. That was me. Thinking, oh man, he probably has shallow trauma. Oh man, he probably went through a lot of betrayal in his past. Oh man, his parents had a dysfunctional marriage and maybe that's why I need to love him a little bit more than I'm doing already so that he can finally find his potential. So the healer who thinks she can love him into his potential.

And number 4. So the first was the overgiver. We had the empath who doesn't know her boundaries. We had the healer. And we have the woman who still thinks if she's enough, he'll change. But that's, that's not happening, right?

Let me say this to you. And let this hit where it needs to. You are not a rehab center for a broken man. You're not their mother. You're not their therapist. Like me, you're not their coach, but I thought I was. You're not the redemption story they get to write through your suffering. Does that make sense?

You're the goddamn main character of your life. You're not their emotional crutch.

So how do we stop being picked by these fucking toxic men? We stop being emotionally available to them, period.

And here's what that actually looks like. So I need you to take some notes here if you're listening to this on a walk, listen to this again. If you're listening to this in your kitchen, make some notes. If you're listening to this in the car, obviously make some notes later, OK?

So, first step. How do we stop attracting these toxic people?

Number one, you need to stop explaining yourself. This was the biggest fucking mistake I was making in my previous relationship, and I need you to stop doing it. Stop explaining yourself. Toxic men love when you defend your boundaries. It gives them space to twist your words and make you feel guilty. So instead of explaining your no, just say it, one sentence. No. Period. Does that make sense?

You don't have to explain, no, I don't want to call you right now because I'm working. No, sorry, I cannot text you at 8 p.m. because that's my bedtime. No, you just say, I can't call you at 8. Full stop. Done. They do not, you do not need to explain this to them. You do not answer their call. You do not have to explain to them what you are doing. So stop explaining yourself.

#2, here's your next step. I need you to heal your own inner addict.

And I am being honest here, even though you say, but Dimple, I'm not an addict. I don't drink coffee. I don't do drugs. I don't drink alcohol. No, you are an addict, and I'll tell you what that means.

Let's be honest, OK? Some of us are really addicted to the high, you know, the high is the thrill of when we are in this relationship, that initial butterfly phase of being with a new guy, and then the drama — and the drama part you probably don't know about because it's an unconscious pattern you have within yourself — but you may be addicted to the high, the thrill, and the fucking drama.

But the drama, you probably don't know. Because it's what our nervous system thinks love is.

So start doing some somatic work. I need you to get a massage. I need you to start practicing yoga. I need your body to experience and let your body experience safety and boredom.

When you're bored, you're bored. It's OK, you don't have to go at that time, chase some high or some thrill. Experience boredom, experience safety, so it can learn that peace is not punishment.

Maybe your body is never at peace, so it does not know what peace looks like and that's when we attract such people who bring on these drama and unsafe situations for us because that's what we are used to.

Am I making sense? If I'm making sense, please, I would love for you to give us a review. Give me a review on my podcast, please, girl.

OK, number 3. Moving on to the next step.

You need to starve the pattern.

And what do I mean by starving the pattern?

This pattern of yours — obviously, this pattern where toxic men feed on you — this pattern feeds on your attention, right?

They feed on you because they need attention from you, so don't text them. Don't stalk them. Don't reread the old messages of them.

Block them if you need to.

And fuck them. Seriously.

Tell them, go fuck yourself. Every time you feed the pattern, you delay your healing.

I have blocked all my exes, especially toxic ones.

Because I don't need to feed into their pattern, right?

Because I, I need to step up my game in my healing.

So I don't want you to delay your healing. So starve the pattern.

OK.

Next up.

Step number 4 is you are going to rewrite the fantasy, OK?

You're gonna rewrite the fantasy story that you've been telling in your headspace, which is not true.

You're not in love with him, you are in love with the hope of who he could have been.

Allow that to settle in.

I'm gonna say that again.

You're not in love with him.

You're in love with the hope of who he could have been, right?

You are in love with his potential, what he could do.

For example, for me, I used to be like, oh man, if he does this and this, and oh my God, he's gonna be this person.

Great.

And I was in love with that potential, and that person could never even reach that potential.

So take out a journal right now or whenever you can.

And write down everything he actually did.

Not the fucking potential.

OK?

I'm not talking about the potential that you think he could be, but exactly what he did.

So that you need the evidence to break the spell.

For me, I had to literally read my journals, and I was like, shit, man.

I wrote so much stuff after every argument that I completely forgot about what I wrote.

And when I reread the journals, I was like, shit.

I thought it wasn't that bad, but it's horrible.

When I read this stuff, I'm like, shit, this was me.

I dealt with all this.

Oh my fucking God.

All right.

So you need evidence to break the spell.

So that's why I'm recommending you to do this.

So we got 4 steps.

I'm gonna say this again.

This is my style of teaching.

Stop explaining yourself with #1.

Number 2, you got to heal your inner addict.

Right?

You're probably addicted to the high.

I was addicted to the high.

I was addicted to the travel.

I was addicted to the thrill, and I did not know this, but I was also addicted to the drama that we had in between us.

How did it come from?

It came from the past.

Maybe my family used to create this drama and unconsciously that became a part of who I was.

OK.

Number 3, starve the pattern.

The pattern feeds on your attention, so don't text, don't stalk, don't reread the old messages, right?

Number 4, rewrite the fantasy, which means you're not in love with this person.

Write down exactly what he did to you in plain English words or in your language so you understand this is what he did.

He's not that person you hope he's going to be.

This is the person his actions should be in your journal.

OK, so that you can really find evidence to break the spell, and this evidence is going to be factual evidence.

Last step.

Step 5.

If you have been listening to my podcast already, this is always in the end.

And if this is your first time, then welcome to our show.

But in step 5, I need you to meet your archetype that attracts these kind of people.

So I want you to take the quiz.

The quiz link is on the show notes.

Seriously, find out if you are the fixer.

Or the pleaser, I was the fixer.

The rescuer or something else totally.

So when you do the quiz, you will know exactly your pattern.

Once you see the pattern, you are gonna stop being its puppet.

As simple as that, because you'll have awareness.

This is my pattern.

I'm never going to exhibit this behavior again, or this is my pattern.

I am taking steps to not exhibit this behavior anymore, ever in my life again, period.

So go ahead, down to the show notes, and the link is on there and you can just click on it, or you can just go to my website, dimplebindra.com and the link will be there to do the quiz.

It's completely free 100%.

Now, let's land this episode with something sacred, OK?

I want you to breathe with me.

Yeah, like right now, breathe with me.

Take a deep inhale.

Exhale.

If you're driving and listening to this, please do not do this with me.

Just keep your eyes open and on the road, but if you're walking, you can still do this.

I want you to have your hand on your heart.

And I want you to close your eyes if you can.

And I want you to repeat these affirmations after me like you really mean it.

Like your healing depends on it, because it really, really does.

And I want you to repeat these affirmations and if you want to relisten to this podcast again because this is gonna really help you to break the cycle of toxic men always attracting towards you, OK?

Repeat.

I am no longer available for half love, false love, or performative love.

I am no longer available for half love, false love, or performative love.

I do not chase.

I attract what is safe.

Stable and sacred.

I release the need.

To be chosen by men.

Who can't even choose themselves.

I break the spell of survival and step into my truth.

My energy is too sacred to be consumed by confusion.

I do not fix.

I do not prove.

I do not beg.

I am the love I have been searching for.

I choose me.

I protect me.

I rise for me.

And now take a deep breath in.

And release.

If this episode cracked you open, then please don't just walk away.

Take the healing archetype quiz at dimplebindra.com and let's stop attracting from your wounds and start magnetizing from your wholeness.

This is your season of no more, no more crumbs, no more confusion, no more cages disguised as chemistry.

I love you.

I see you and I'll meet you in the next episode of the Dimple Bindra Show.

Thank you so much for listening.