Ep 97: When the Pain Ends, the Power Begins: Rebuilding After Betrayal & Abuse with Leticia Francis

Why do so many women find themselves stuck in cycles of exhaustion, anxiety, and toxic love even long after leaving painful relationships or childhood wounds behind?

In this raw and unapologetic episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we sit down with Leticia Francis. Leticia is a trauma recovery mentor, author, and podcast host who turned her own story of abuse, abandonment, and silence into a powerful mission: helping women worldwide break free from survival mode and step into unapologetic transformation.

In this episode, Leticia shares:

• Her powerful story of resilience and the turning points that led her from silence to healing.
• The hidden signs of survival mode ike people pleasing, overachieving, and hyper-independence that often masquerade as “success.”
• Why leaving a toxic partner doesn’t automatically equal freedom, and how trauma imprints on our nervous system.
• Her 3-phase process for healing: self-awareness, reprogramming, and reinvention.
• What it really means to embody disruptive, unapologetic transformation as a woman who has been told she’s “too much” or “not enough.”

This conversation isn’t just about survival it’s about reclaiming power, rewriting narratives, and creating a life defined by authenticity and self-love.

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Transcript

And yet you are still exhausted, anxious, and wondering why you keep ending up in relationships that drain you.

You have done the affirmations.

You've tried being stronger, being softer, being everything they needed you to be.

But no matter what you do, you always find yourself stuck in the same painful cycle, giving too much, receiving too little, and questioning your worth.

If this sounds like you, it's not because you're broken, it's because your body has been wired by trauma to survive, not to thrive, and survival mode doesn't feel like trauma at first.

It feels like people pleasing.
 It feels like working twice as hard just to be enough.
 And it feels like ignoring the red flags because your nervous system is confusing chaos around you with love.

And this is the silent truth so many women live with.

And today we are pulling that curtain back, and on this episode of The Dimplebindra Show, we're going to go raw and unapologetic about why women keep repeating cycles of exhaustion, anxiety, and toxic love—even long after leaving the abusive partner, the painful childhood, or the betrayal.

Before we dive in, I want you to take a moment after the episode to take my free Healing Archetype Quiz. The link is in the bio, because once you uncover the unconscious patterns that are keeping you stuck, you finally begin to understand you’re not crazy—you are awakening.

And today we have a very important guest joining us all the way from the UK. It's 9:30 p.m. as we’re doing the recording for her, and her name is Leticia Francis.

She is widely known as the Survival Mode Disruptor.

Leticia is a trauma recovery mentor, an author, and a podcast host who brings a powerful mix of lived experience and unapologetic truth to her work. She is herself a survivor of teenage domestic abuse, and it was through her own painful journey of living in silence and survival that she chose this path.

Today, she helps women around the world break free from the exhausting cycles of anxiety, overgiving, and toxic relationships. And through her book, her podcast, and her mentorship, she facilitates bold, disruptive transformation for women who are ready to stop shrinking, stop settling, and finally reclaim their power.

Welcome to the show, Leticia.

Leticia: Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here.

Host: I am glad that you made it to this podcast because, like I said, she's from the UK—it’s nighttime. Yeah, that's the reality of podcasting, but because I love the work that she is doing currently, I could not have not brought her to the show. So Leticia, I am very honored that you said yes to our interview. Thank you for coming on. Let's dive into your work today.

I'd love you to start by sharing a little bit about your story and what it was like for you as a teenager experiencing domestic abuse.

Leticia: I grew up in Bermuda, a small island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Both of my parents divorced when I was very young. They both remarried, and both of their new spouses wanted nothing to do with me. I grew up in the middle of two family units where I didn’t feel like I fit in.

Shortly after my mom got married, I was molested by a neighbor. I was introduced to sexual activity quite early. While I knew there was something very wrong about it, because I experienced what I call emotional abandonment, the attention I received from this man was welcomed. As I grew older, I welcomed attention from men.

When I was 12, I looked like I was about 21, very built. I lost my virginity to rape at 12. Shortly after that, I was introduced to a man who was nearly 30, while I was just 14. He became a safe space for me because of the tension and chaos in my household.

Now, my mom was present, but my father wasn’t. And although my mom was present, I never felt like she chose me. She chose her new family unit, her children with her husband, and I was left on the outskirts, very angry about that.

So I met this man who created an escape for me. I didn’t recognize I was being groomed, but I was. When the time was right—because I was already attached to him—he put his hands on me for the first time. I was 15. He attempted to choke me out because I did something he didn’t like. I knew then I needed to escape, and I left.

I packed up everything I had and went back to “normal” living. But that normal was still rejection. My mom eventually kicked me out. I went to my father’s, but his wife didn’t want me either, so I was rejected again. Eventually, I ended up back in that relationship. Even though I knew a man should never put his hands on me, that environment felt safer than home.

By 17, I had been kicked out again, this time with a legal letter saying I wasn’t allowed back. That forced me to stay in that abusive relationship. The abuse escalated—emotional, physical. He told me constantly, “I’m the only one who cares about you. Look, even your mom doesn’t want you. Your dad doesn’t want you. I’m keeping a roof over your head.”

I got married at 19, and once married, the physical abuse worsened. My dreams were expected to take a backseat to the marriage. I was hit regularly. In Bermuda, news spreads fast, and I felt ashamed of what I was going through. For years I suffered in silence. That marriage ended after I was stabbed at 21.

Host: I’m so sorry, Leticia, for what you’ve gone through. But our audience has similar stories, and that’s why I wanted you here—because look at you now. You’re strong, beautiful, and you’ve built something powerful. Please tell us about your podcast.

Leticia: My podcast is called Survival Mode Disrupted. I started it when I realized how many people are unaware of the residual impacts of trauma. I lived that. When I left my husband, I expected my life to magically fall into place—it didn’t. I picked up people-pleasing, overachieving—what I call survival identities.

The podcast is storytelling. We share raw, disruptive conversations about how trauma lingers and how people reclaim their lives. It’s about radical ownership and healing after terrible things.

Host: Thank you, Leticia. Looking back, what were some of the survival patterns you developed just to get through each day?

Leticia: People pleasing was the biggest. Many people mislabel it as a personality trait, but I learned early from my father that if I didn’t act the way he wanted, there were consequences. That shaped how I showed up in relationships, especially with men.

I would say yes when I wanted to say no. I would do things to keep the man happy and avoid abuse. I struggled with boundaries, advocacy, and authenticity.

Overachieving was another pattern. I was gifted, but my mom kept me in my age group. I became bored, labeled, and then tried to prove myself constantly. That “I must do more” carried into my career, leaving me on the edge of burnout. When I started my business, I had to reprogram that belief because I had been overextending myself for acceptance for years.

Host: Wow. So people-pleasing, overachieving, over-giving—all of which lead to burnout. Was there a turning point when you realized you didn’t have to survive anymore, you could truly live?

Leticia: Yes. After divorcing my husband, I moved to Atlanta, got a scholarship, and life seemed better. But I fell into relationships with men struggling with addiction. One partner’s actions got me wrongfully arrested for handling stolen goods.

When I was in jail, my mom came to see me. Behind the glass, she asked me one question: Why do you love everyone else more than you love yourself? That hit me like a punch. I realized everything I had gone through was tied to me putting others first.

That moment birthed my healing journey. I hired a coach. She told me, “Your life won’t get better until you learn pain isn’t your birthright.” At first I didn’t understand, but she was right. I had been clinging to a victim narrative.

Once I let go of victimhood and embraced myself as an overcomer, everything changed. I learned to love and accept myself and my story without guilt or shame. That liberated me.

Host: That is powerful. What was the hardest part of healing in those early stages?

Leticia: Learning to love myself. I had always felt unlovable. When I was seven, my father told me my birth was the reason he and my mother divorced. And that's created a narrative for me that I am unlovable.

I destroyed the most important relationship in my life. I later found out that that was not true—they divorced because of my dad's actions, but that was a narrative I held onto for nearly 20 years. I didn't find out differently until I was in my 30s when I had a conversation with my mom.

Learning how to love myself was huge for me, but it was also hard. It meant challenging the narratives I held. I carried very negative narratives, which kept me in a negative space and kept me angry. Learning how to challenge my thoughts, my narratives, and my beliefs—often shaped by someone else's opinion of me—was difficult at first, but it helped me transform into a more liberated human being, despite everything I had been through.

Host: That is amazing that you came out of your trauma just by changing the story. You rewrote the story, even though those beliefs and stories were within you for so many years. Many women who survive abuse never want to speak about it again. They want to keep the story hidden. Why did you choose to not only share your story publicly, but also build your life and your work around it?

Leticia: I started my business at the end of 2019. At first, I went into personal coaching, but I struggled because I was still holding onto shame about my story. I shifted into business coaching during COVID, thinking everyone was starting a business and I could help. I hired a business coach, and she uncovered that I was coasting. As an overachiever, I never really challenged myself to work at full capacity. I often matched the people around me instead of pushing myself.

As I started my business, I noticed this was a huge obstacle. On the outside, it looked like I was doing too much, but it wasn’t enough for me. My coach dug deeper into my story and challenged me to tell it. She said, “Although you’re no longer a victim, you are still being held hostage by your story.” Her challenge was for me to tell my story on 50 podcasts.

At first, I thought she was crazy. Who would want to hear my story? How could I tell it 50 times in six months? But in that six months, I told it 150 times. That made me realize how powerful my story really was. I started writing my memoir, which took three years. Once I finished it, I realized how long I had been in survival mode and how unaware I had been. We don’t talk about trauma and how it shows up in life—we don’t talk about the commonalities. Survivors shrink, overachieve, struggle with authenticity. I wanted to shout from the rooftops about what it looks like. I believe the first step out of survival mode is awareness. If people don’t know the residual impacts of trauma, how can they make change? That realization ignited my desire to help others, because had someone told me this earlier, I might have sought help sooner.

Host: Absolutely. I echo that. Until we share our stories, we often stay ashamed and wear a mask of success while feeling horrible inside. My next question: many women don’t even realize they’re in survival mode. What are some hidden signs besides the ones you already mentioned, that a woman is surviving and not thriving, even if she looks successful on the outside?

Leticia: I’ll use myself as an example. I excelled in my career. I moved to England to work at Lloyd’s of London, the birthplace of insurance. In less than five years, I was running a multinational team at a top syndicate. But everything else in my life was falling apart. At work, I was on autopilot. My emotions were unregulated. I was defensive, hyper-aware, always ready to protect myself. Deep down, I felt empty and useless despite smiling on the outside.

Survival mode is an extended state of fight, flight, or freeze. I was a fighter—constantly defensive, constantly ready to react. I had spent years waiting to be slapped, lied to, or manipulated. I couldn’t trust anyone’s intentions. I lived on edge. Eventually, the heaviness became so much I couldn’t get out of bed. I knew it wasn’t depression—I had been clinically depressed before. It was something else: the residual impact of trauma.

Host: Thank you for sharing that. Society often tells women to be strong and resilient. In your experience, how can that message keep women trapped in silence and suffering?

Leticia: As a Black woman, I carried the “strong Black woman” narrative. You never let your wig slip. You can’t let the world know you’re weak. You keep going, no matter what. I learned that from my mother and grandmother. Strength meant silence. It meant not relying on anyone, not admitting when life was falling apart. That narrative became my handcuff. I celebrated being resilient, but I couldn’t ask for help or show vulnerability. Social expectations make us performers instead of allowing us to show up authentically.

Host: I love the word you used—handcuffed. For me, I was always told, “You’re the strong girl.” That pushed me into hyper-independence and never asking for help. Thank you for that insight. Now, you use the phrase “unapologetic transformation.” What does that look like in practice for women who have always been told they’re too much or not enough?

Leticia: I call myself a disruptor because I want to disrupt social constructions and narratives that keep women stuck. Unapologetic, disruptive transformation means taking radical ownership of our lives and challenging the narratives that control us. I use a three-phase process with clients: self-awareness, reprogramming, and reinvention.

Self-awareness means we cannot change what we cannot see. Reprogramming means challenging the narratives and beliefs that kept us in survival mode. Reinvention means defining success and happiness for ourselves—not based on others’ expectations. Trauma changes us at a core level, so instead of aiming to return to who we were before trauma, we reinvent ourselves. That reinvention allows us to show up authentically in the world.

Host: I love that. The healed version of us no longer carries the emotions of those old stories. Thank you for sharing. One last question: for women who have left abusive partners or toxic relationships but still feel anxious or stuck in cycles—why does leaving not automatically equal freedom?

Leticia: Because trauma becomes our norm. For over 20 years, my normal was chaos. My subconscious labeled it as homeostasis. So as much as I hated it, I thrived in it because that’s what I knew. Walking away creates a dependency on chaos because the subconscious craves what feels familiar. That’s why people often end up in one toxic relationship after another. Until we heal and reprogram, the subconscious will keep pulling us back. Healing is what creates real freedom.

Host: Thank you, Leticia. This was wonderful. What would you say to your younger self, the girl of 12 or 13 years old?

Leticia: I would tell her the affirmations my daughters now repeat: You are beautiful. You are loved. You are special. You have purpose. You’re here to change the world. If I knew that back then, I would not have settled for crumbs.

Host: Thank you so much, Leticia. It was wonderful having you on our show. Please tell us where our listeners can find you.

Leticia: You can find me on my website, www.leticiareneefrancis.com. There, I have a free gift called the Survival Mode Exit Blueprint, which walks you through the six steps I use with clients. You’ll also find links to my podcast, Survival Mode Disrupted, my book The Survival Mode Exit Plan, and my membership. I’m also active on LinkedIn as Leticia R Francis.

Host: I’ll add all her links in the show notes. Thank you so much, Leticia. For all our listeners, always remember: metamorphosis, not medication. If this episode spoke to you, please leave us a review on iTunes. And if you felt something shift inside you, that’s not just a podcast moment—that’s your soul saying, “We’re ready.” Head over to dimplebindra.com and take my Healing Archetype Quiz. You’ll also find the link to join the waitlist for You Are Awakening, my women’s circle. You don’t have to heal in silence anymore. I’m so glad you’re here, and I’ll see you in the next episode. Bye.