Ep 99: It’s Not Them. It’s You. The Real Reason You Keep Ignoring Red Flags in Love

The biggest red flag in relationships isn’t always the man who ghosts you, gaslights you, or breadcrumbs you. It’s the part of you that silences your own truth.

In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, Dimple exposes the hidden survival patterns that keep women stuck in toxic, hot-and-cold relationships. From childhood conditioning to nervous system wiring, she explains why chaos feels like love, why chemistry often disguises wounds, and why so many women override their intuition to avoid being alone.

You’ll learn:

• Why your nervous system confuses familiarity with safety
• How intensity and chemistry are not the same as intimacy or compatibility
• The survival patterns (Fixer, Pleaser, Disappearing One) that keep you replaying painful love stories
• Five powerful steps to stop betraying yourself, rewrite what love feels like in your body, and trust your intuition again

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep ignoring the red flags?” this episode is your wake-up call.

✨ Not sure why you keep sabotaging your healing or staying stuck in survival mode? Take my free Healing Archetype Quiz to uncover the hidden pattern blocking your power and discover how to rise as the woman you were born to be.

 👉 Join my FREE Awakening Class, where you’ll be witnessed, not silenced.

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Transcript

Sister, the biggest red flag is not the man who ghosts you, gaslights you, or bread crumbs you. It's the part of you that sees the truth and still silences herself. The real danger is not out there. It's actually in here, the moment you abandon your own body's wisdom because you're scared of being alone.

Welcome to the Dimple Bindra show, the sacred space where you strip away illusions, unlearn survival, and step into your soul. Today I want to say something that might sting a little, but it will set you free. The biggest red flag is not him, it's you. It's the you, so it's you that ignores what you already know. If this lands for you, but you're ready to stop betraying yourself in the name of love, then start by taking my free healing archetype quiz at dimplebindra.com. It will show you the exact pattern that's been running your relationships, the part of you that keeps attracting the wrong people without even knowing it.

So, let's get started and I need you to actually take a breath. I want you to breathe in, take a deep breath in, if you're walking, listening to this, even if you're driving, whatever you're doing, I want you to breathe in, breathe out. The reason I want you to slow down here is because this is the part most women miss. The reason you keep ignoring red flags isn't because you're stupid. It's because you are desperate. Did I say that? Yeah, you're desperate. It's not because you don't know any better. It's because of one thing, the survival system or your survival system. And let me explain.

So your nervous system, the wiring that was built when you were young, is running the show, right? It's running the show in the background. And here's what happens. If love in your childhood came from being silent, criticism, or shame, then you learned to confuse walking on eggshells with intimacy. Let me say that again. You're basically thinking that chaos is love, but it's not love. And if love came with conditions like be a good girl, don't be too loud, or don't be too needy, or for me it was, don't be so vocal. You're speaking so loudly. You learned that being chosen means being small. And if love was inconsistent in your life. Especially growing up in your family, then sometimes warm, like you felt sometimes, sometimes you felt cold, you learn that unpredictability is equal to passion.

And now we are going to fast forward to adulthood. So then finally, what happens is this was your, this was your nervous system wiring, right? And now you just meet a person, you meet somebody, someone good looking, someone who actually is very charming on the outside, but he's hot and he's cold. He will text sometimes and then sometimes he'll disappear. And he'll make you feel amazing one day and invisible the next, you know, this pattern of you're so beautiful, and then the next fight comes up and you're the ugliest woman I know, or, you know, so you see what I'm saying, the hot and the cold patterns. They also have this thing of, they'll put you on a pedestal and then they'll bring you down the pedestal and make you like the worst woman of their lives.

And when you are in a relationship like that, sometimes your body lights up. Not because it's love, but because it's because your body says, hey, this is familiar to me, this must be safe, because I just came from chaos, family, and now here is a chaos or a chaotic relationship. So it feels safe. So do you see the trap? You're not chasing love, you're chasing familiarity. And the truth is that familiar is not safe, right? You could be familiar in an addicted environment growing up. You grow up, you start. Building relationships with guys or men who have addictive behaviors. You are familiar where your father scolds the mom, OK? I'm just giving you some scenarios to think about. You are now in adulthood, your partner is scolding you, yelling at you, being angry at you. You're familiar where you see one parent is betraying the other parent. It can be through text messages, phone calls, being dishonest, having an illicit relationship or having an extramarital relationship. Fast forward adulthood, your partner is doing the same behavior, maybe to a greater extent or maybe to a less of an extent, but the behavior is still the same.

So you see what I'm saying? That is you, you recognize this pattern because it was what you grew up with, so you think it's normal. And I also want you to understand that the intensity is not intimacy, so the intensity in your childhood of you being in a dysfunctional family, you not being understood, you not being heard, you're not being seen, so there there's a lot of intensity with the emotion, right? That is never intimacy. Growing up, so right now in adulthood and also chemistry, like you're compatible, like sometimes I hear these women saying, oh yeah, chemistry is great. Yeah, OK, fine. Chemistry isn't compatibility. Like I had a great chemistry with my ex-partner. I had a great because his his thinking was my thinking. Sometimes I thought his vision is my vision, but that's not true. I actually, what I did was I thought we are compatible because our chemistry was almost the same. Like he was attractive and I was attracted to him and he would work out and I would work out and we had, you know, he was into music and I was in, so I'm like, oh, this is chemistry, but it's not compatibility, right?

That person is only showing you what you want to see. But you're not seeing the other things, and the other things, even if you're seeing it, you're not believing it because you don't believe your intuition, right? So, what you're calling chemistry is often your wound being reactivated. Your body is screaming, yes, this feels like home, but that home was freaking chaos. That home was abandonment. That home was love like wrapped in pain and trapped in pain. And here's what happens when you ignore yourself. Every time you silence that little whisper inside, you send your nervous system the message. My truth doesn't matter. His approval matters more. And every time you override your body's signals, you reinforce the same old story. You're telling yourself. Love is something I earn by abandoning myself, and therefore the pattern continues. And that's why you end up staying too long, and that's why you forgive too many times.

And I heard this saying lately, which is, you should give 100 men single chances instead of giving one man 100 chances. So if my exes are listening to this, guys, you guys fucked up big time. So I'm just gonna say that. We women do this because this is what our wiring was, right? That's why you end up waking up in the middle of the night looking at yourself in the mirror, asking, why do I keep doing this to myself? So what you should be doing instead is what we are going to talk about next. So I want you to keep listening to this podcast till the end, OK? And I want you to please follow our podcast, the Dimple Winder show, so that more women who are in your situation can hear this podcast and make a difference. For themselves.

So how do we break this? How do we stop ignoring ourselves? Here is step one. I need you to name the pattern out loud. Write it down. I ignore my gut when I'm scared of being alone. You know, I need you to say it. I want you to see it, and I want you to own it because once you name it, it loses its power. It completely loses its power. So step one, name the pattern out loud. Step 2 is, I want you to really listen to your first no. So, for example, I'll give you a story. I found out like when I was dating this one, in one of my relationships that he was into other women, right? And like so many of them, not one, like he was all over social media I was seeing that he was just following other women. And that for me is like a very big red flag, right? And I was like, wait a second, but then when I confronted this person, he instantly deflected it and said, Oh yeah, that's not me. I have other team members who are improving our page algorithm. Therefore we have to connect with X, Y, and Z, and we have to. You know, we have to connect.

So I believed it. I'm like, OK, fine, you know, maybe it's just because he needs to like other pages that are of all these celebrity women, and I ignored my intuition. So you see what I'm saying? You need to listen to your first no, your body is saying, something is wrong, you've got to listen to it. It's that first signal you feel in your body, that something is off, like that something is off moment. And don't debate it. Don't spiritualize it. Don't excuse it. Let your first know be final, because if that is final in that moment, you can literally put an end to that relationship. Because I'm going to tell you from that moment, the time of my dating, all the way 6 years down the line, this person, I mean this person actually cheats on me. So technically, I was right the first time. You know, he was always into women, but I ignored it. So you see what I'm saying? Don't make the mistake that I made. You need to understand, I'm not just coming from experience. And guiding you to go on this journey, but I'm actually telling you, don't make this mistake and save it, all right?

Number 3, step 3, is make your body the compass. So Your body has a lot of wisdom, and if you're not practicing yoga, you don't practice any form of somatic work like dancing, yoga, meditation, I highly encourage you to do that because your body gives you signals and signs that you should not ignore. If you're feeling heavy, contracted, or small after seeing someone. That's your body waving a giant red flag. If you feel grounded and open and steady, that's green. Your body doesn't lie. And sometimes it's funny. Just telling me, I mean telling you from my experience, when you're with toxic people, it feels good being around them, you know why? Because that's what we're familiar, right? We're familiar to be, we're familiar to be around toxic people. So you, you feel like, yeah, you know, it's great. I had a great time. It was a great, yeah, OK, but in the end, we don't know the difference. We don't know what safe feels because this is how our wiring is. So we have to change the wiring.

Moving on, step 4. So we talked about 3 different steps, right? The first one was you need to name the pattern out loud. Step 2 was listen to your first no and step 3 is make your body your compass. Moving on to the 4th step. You need to rewrite what love feels like. This is deep nervous system work. So every morning, like every morning I place my hand on my heart and my belly and I breathe slowly, and I tell my body. It's safe. I'm safe to receive calm, steady, consistent love from a healed, masculine person, right? So I say it's very safe to receive calm, steady, consistent love. You can say any version of that, whatever makes sense to you. Do this daily. Because you're literally retraining yourselves to recognize peace as love and not chaos. And I always tell myself, I am safe, I'm in a very safe relationship. I'm in a very safe relationship, so I tell myself that so that my nervous system can recognize a safer pattern for me.

Step 5 is get curious about your archetype. Are you the fixer? Who keeps trying to heal him. I was. Are you the pleaser who keeps trying to earn love by being good? I was. Sometimes we have these multiple patterns, you know, because it's complex, right? We are complex people or the disappearing one who stays quiet just to avoid conflict or who runs away from conflicts. Until you know the role you're playing, you'll keep replaying the same story. And that's why I want you to go check out my healing architect quiz on dimplebindra.com. And I want you to pause and breathe this in. The biggest red flag isn't him. It's not if whoever your partner is, right? Whatever gender they carry. So your biggest, the biggest red flag is not your partner. It's the part of you that still thinks you need to betray yourself to keep love. But here's the divine truth. You were never meant to beg for scraps. You were never meant to twist yourself into someone else's cage. And you were never meant to call pain love.

Love is not supposed to feel like waiting for a text, and love is not supposed to feel like questioning if you're too much. And love is not supposed to feel like silencing your truth. Real love feels like this safety? Consistency and ease. And if you don't know what that feels like yet, that's OK. That's what healing is, and healing is not about finding him, it's about finding yourself. And I want you to really say this with me right now. I will no longer betray myself to be loved. My intuition is sacred, and I trust her. Familiarity is not my compass. Truth is. I choose me, even if it means losing them.

And if this episode stirred something in you, don't just walk away. Go to dimplebinger.com to take the healing archetype quiz. Once you do, you'll see an invitation to join my free circle, a community of women rising out of silence, shame and self abandonment. And here's the difference. I will personally email you after you take the quiz to tell you why I started it and how it can shift everything for you. Because you don't have to figure this out alone. You don't have to keep ignoring yourself. You're safe to rise, to heal, and to finally choose you.

I love you, I see you, and I'll meet you in the next episode of the Dimple Bendra show. If this episode spoke to you, then please give us a review on iTunes. I will really appreciate it and if you felt something, Shifting your chest or your gut, that's not just a podcast moment. That's your soul saying, hey, we are ready. So head over to dimplebindra.com and take my healing archetype quiz. I'm also gonna add the link to my show notes. It's gonna help you understand the pattern that's been running your life. The one you didn't even know was there. And once you take the quiz, you'll see a button to join the waitlist for You Are Awakening. That's my Women's circle, and it's where we do this work together with other amazing sisters. You don't have to heal in silence anymore. I'm so glad you're here, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.