0:00: Hey, welcome to another episode of the Dimple Bendra show.
0:04: This podcast actually started as a video, but I dropped it here because it needed to be live as a podcast on the Internet.
0:12: So stick with me till the end, and if you have been enjoying these episodes, please leave us a review wherever you're listening from.
0:20: It really means the world to us and helps more women find the space.
0:25: So, stick around.
0:42: If I could undo one thing I did after being cheated on, it would be this.
0:47: And this might piss some people off because people who love to talk about healing and forgiveness and being the bigger person, but I need to say this anyway, if I could undo one thing, I would have been less spiritual, not because spirituality is wrong, but because I use spirituality to abandon myself, and after I was cheated on, I truly believed that the right thing was to forgive the other person and become more spiritual and become, More calmer and become more nicer and become more loving, but I was wrong.
1:21: I thought being a better human meant rising above it, that if I stayed calm, compassionate, understanding, maybe I was accelerating my spiritual growth, but I was so fucking wrong.
1:35: So here's the mistake I made.
1:37: I stayed.
1:38: I forgave before my body was ready.
1:40: I cooked, cleaned, I took, Care of the person who betrayed me, and the whole time, my body was screaming, no, my body didn't want to forgive.
1:52: My heart wasn't open.
1:54: My body felt under threat.
1:56: But instead of listening to that, I told myself a story.
1:59: I told myself that pain meant I wasn't evolved enough yet.
2:04: And you know what's funny, the other crazy story I told myself was that the anger meant I hadn't healed.
2:10: That if I could just forgive harder, everything would make sense.
2:15: And that's where a lot of women get trapped, because spirituality, culture and conditioning gets tangled together.
2:21: Women are taught to be kind, to be compassionate.
2:25: To be polite, to hold families together, to keep things stable, to take care of the children, so when betrayal happens, that same training gets activated.
2:36: You're told to understand him, to see the higher meaning, to not break the family, to not be selfish, to forgive, even when your body's like, nope, I'm not safe, I'm not safe.
2:48: That is not fricking spirituality.
2:52: That's like, I felt that's pressure, dressed up as morality.
2:57: Hey, that rhymes.
2:58: OK, that's cool.
2:59: Just came out out of nowhere, so I want you to understand this.
3:03: I wanna be super clear here that forgiveness is not a spiritual achievement when your nervous system is under threat.
3:10: It's bypassing, right?
3:13: And by bypassing, and by bypassing doesn't make you holy, it makes you disconnected.
3:21: Hi, I'm Dimple Bendra.
3:23: I work with women who have been betrayed and tried to heal by being good, spiritual, and understanding too soon.
3:32: And I've seen this pattern again and again.
3:34: Women don't heal faster by forgiving early, they heal slower.
3:40: Because the body doesn't respond to beliefs, it responds to safety.
3:46: And if you were taught to forgive before you were even ready.
3:50: And blamed yourself for not feeling peaceful, then subscribe.
3:54: This channel is for women learning how to be human again after betrayal.
3:59: And here's what I wish someone had told me back then.
4:02: You don't need to be spiritual when your body's in shock, you need to be honest.
4:07: You don't need to rise above anything when your system is just trying to protect you.
4:12: You need to come back into yourself.
4:15: If you could undo one thing, it would be this.
4:18: I would have allowed myself to be human first.
4:21: And here's what that looks like.
4:23: Step one, stop using spirituality to override your body.
4:28: If your body feels tense or numb, shut down or repelled, that's not a spiritual failure.
4:35: That is just information.
4:37: Your body's telling you something, so listen to it.
4:40: Step 2.
4:42: Separate your forgiveness from your access.
4:44: You can forgive someone internally and still not cook for them, not care for them, or stay with them, because honestly, forgiveness does not require self-sacrifice.
4:55: Step number 3, and this is the step that really, really, really helped me.
5:01: Let your anger exist without meaning that you are a bad person.
5:05: Anger after betrayal does not mean you're unhealed.
5:09: It means something.
5:11: Thing mattered, and this is the mistake that I made.
5:14: I thought if I become less angry with the person who betrayed me, that will make me a better person.
5:20: I thought because I had my own spiritual beliefs that when, you know, see the divine in the other person, cook for the person, even though the person is your enemy, cook for the person, even if the person is your betrayer.
5:31: So for me, I felt like, OK, I'm going to see the divine in this person, which obviously every person on this planet has that, and I'm not saying that they don't have that.
5:40: And the bigger spiritual meaning to this betrayal, according to me, is when I realized that, why did this happen to me?
5:49: It has happened with so many other women.
5:51: Why?
5:52: What's the higher meaning behind someone cheating on us or the betrayal happening to us in marriages, in systems, at work?
6:01: What is the main reason behind it?
6:04: And in my understanding, and this is what I believe now, that it happens because you have been betraying yourself for over, over and over again since you were a kid, since you were a child.
6:17: And I stayed where my body was screaming and saying, do not stay here, you know, stay away, step out or or find another place.
6:25: I still stayed because I thought, no, this will help me in my spiritual progress.
6:31: Until this date, I have had so many of my friends telling me, you could have stayed and worked on your spiritual progress.
6:38: What I personally believe is that some, it works for some women, but for me, that was not.
6:44: My calling.
6:46: my calling was to step outside this, heal my betrayal so that I can help other women heal and rebuild their lives.
6:54: So if you have been trying to heal by being kind while your body is exhausted, leave a comment below.
7:00: You're not alone in this, and I want to leave you with this.
7:04: Real spirituality doesn't ask women to abandon their bodies.
7:09: It doesn't demand forgiveness on a timeline.
7:12: It does not reward silence.
7:15: Real healing is honest, it's messy, it's being human, and if your body's rejecting forgiveness, it wasn't because you failed spirituality.
7:25: It was because you were protecting yourself.
7:29: So your body is smarter, listen to it, and if cheating shocked your system and you're trying to untangle.
7:35: The guilt from intuition, you do not need advice.
7:40: You need stabilization.
7:42: And that's why I created Betrayal.
7:44: The link is in the description below.
7:46: You're not less evolved because you haven't forgiven yet.
7:50: You're not cruel for needing space.
7:53: You're not wrong for choosing safety over symbolism.
7:58: You're human, and that matters more than pretending to be healed.
8:03: I'm with you on this journey.
8:05: See you in the next video.
8:07: If you just got cheated on or you have been through a betrayal, you don't have to do it alone.
8:13: You can book a betrayal session with me, and the link is in the show notes.
8:17: And if this podcast has been supporting you, please leave a review wherever you're listening.
8:23: It helps more women find this.
8:25: And if you know a friend or a sister who needs this right now, then go ahead and send her this episode.
8:32: And always remember, you are awakening.
8:37: See you in the next podcast.
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