0:15: Cheating doesn't just break trust, it creates confusion, emotional chaos, and difficult decisions most women were never prepared for.
0:26: And in the middle of a heartbreak, many women are forced to navigate boundaries and conflict and finances, communication.
0:34: And even legal realities all at once.
0:39: So today, we are having a real conversation about what women actually need to know when facing betrayal.
0:46: Today, I'm joined by Lisa Tipton, a dispute resolution with experience in mediation, conflict management, legal operations, and state.
0:55: Stakeholder communication.
0:57: Her background spans legal administration, public policy, AI systems, and community building, giving her a unique perspective on navigating difficult situations, conversations, especially around boundaries and high conflict situations, both personally and professionally.
1:16: And today she is sharing practical insights on support systems, communication and protecting yourself emotionally during betrayal and separation.
1:27: Welcome to the show, Lisa.
1:29: Hello, everyone.
1:30: Thank you so much for your time.
1:32: By the way, Lisa is all the way from Hong Kong and Lisa, I'm so excited that you are with us today.
1:37: I know it's really early morning for you, right?
1:39: Yes, hello from Hong Kong.
1:42: Yeah.
1:43: And globally, our listeners are all over the place.
1:45: So I'm sure that people in Hong Kong are gonna really appreciate you and you will definitely learn a lot from her today.
1:53: So Lisa, tell us a little bit about yourself, your story and the work that you do today.
1:57: Thanks, Tipple, for the opportunity for me to talk to you here.
2:03: And hello, all the audience.
2:06: I'm Lisa.
2:07: And I'm a dispute resolution strategist based in Hong Kong.
2:11: I used to work in public service and handle different kinds of disputes involving multiple parties, macroscopically with general public to micro levels such as dispute between neighbors, clients, partners, riding on the wave of technology and artificial intelligence.
2:30: I moved to the corporate.
2:31: Well and handle disputes in IT contracts between business, clients, and managing internal conflicts with project teams.
2:40: But a lot of my dispute resolution and conflict management work are related to human individuals.
2:47: I also do some work helping women move through some of the hardest transition in life with clarity that and practical support.
2:57: The goal is for women to find their ground again, so they can protect themselves and move forward with strength.
3:05: Awesome.
3:05: Thanks, Lisa.
3:07: Can you tell us what made you decide to like support women through betrayal, separation or relationship disputes?
3:14: I think it came, it came from my personal journey in a relationship dispute.
3:20: Triggering a dispute with myself.
3:22: I'm seeing how deeply isolating these moments can be.
3:27: Over time, I have seen how betrayal doesn't just affect a relationship.
3:34: It can affect the way a woman sees herself, her confidence.
3:41: Her sense of security, her finances, a family decision.
3:46: Many women are carrying heartbreak, fear.
3:50: Confusion And major life decisions, all at the same time.
3:56: They may be trying to figure out money, kids, properties, business matters, while emotionally trying to process what has happened.
4:08: I want to bring something steadier into that space.
4:12: For me, it is about assisting women, feeling less alone and more able to think clearer.
4:21: Thoughtful decisions.
4:24: Thank you.
4:25: So what do you see women struggle with the most right after they discover cheating?
4:32: What do you think really happens to them?
4:34: Usually, the first thing is shock.
4:37: And yeah, many women went blank.
4:44: Right after they discovered what had, what had happened.
4:48: And after that, self-doubt rushing in very quickly, all sorts of questions came up.
4:57: A woman will start asking herself, was it her fault?
5:02: What what she missed?
5:04: Whether she should have known earlier, sooner, at the same time, She may feel pressure to stay perfect for everyone else.
5:15: The the mixture of pain, confusion, and responsibility can be one of the hardest part of all, all of these things happened at the same time.
5:26: Thank you.
5:27: So why do you think so many women try to handle betrayal alone?
5:35: Because when I was speaking to a lot of women in Hong Kong, one of the major Like things that I heard is women in Hong Kong don't want to speak to it by, like, they don't want to tell anybody.
5:45: They just want to only speak to like a close friend.
5:47: So why do you think they want to handle everything alone after betrayal?
5:51: Because so many women are used to be the strong one, or the perfect superwoman after betrayal, basically trust falls apart.
6:02: They are not so sure who they can trust.
6:07: They are feeling embarrassed, especially.
6:12: I was born and raised locally.
6:14: Being in a Chinese family, it is a lot of embarrassment involved, when betrayal happened, and, and the 1st, 1st, identity we think about is our parents.
6:34: How to tell our parents, oh my God, I can understand that.
6:38: Yes, yeah, before anyone else, and most women don't even think about how to let themselves know that their parents come first.
6:49: Mhm.
6:50: Also, they don't want to burden other people, as every single person has their own life.
6:57: You know, the betrayal is a very heavy thing to carry by yourself.
7:02: When a woman has a, if a woman has a right support, she can breathe a little bit easier and think more clearly.
7:10: The support can make a huge difference.
7:15: I agree, and I think that's a perfect transition to my next question, which is, what, what does like a support system look like during this kind of crisis, especially for an Asian woman who's navigating this by them, you know, by themselves all alone.
7:29: What will support system really do because you are an expert in this, you have been building communities.
7:35: So please tell us.
7:38: A strong support system feels.
7:42: Have a, have a few criteria.
7:44: it should be feel safe, stable.
7:48: And nonjudgmental.
7:51: For me, a strong support system is like, I have someone backing me.
7:58: I have someone to turn to if I need.
8:01: I'm not alone.
8:03: I don't feel alone, even I'm alone.
8:08: The best support doesn't just comfort a woman emotionally.
8:15: They are prepared to help you no matter what.
8:20: It also helped.
8:23: To make a woman stay informed.
8:26: Protect and clear head because The support network should be able to look out for you, ensuring you are not.
8:37: Taken advantage of, essentially fighting alongside you.
8:43: They support the the decision you have made.
8:48: And encourage you to move forward and take pride in your progress.
8:54: It should bring calm into this decision, not more confusion.
8:59: That's right, yep, exactly, because if a woman is getting confused in our support system, that's probably not the right support system for her, you know.
9:07: Mhm.
9:08: So, exactly, yeah, who should a woman speak to before having serious conversations with her cheating partner?
9:18: In your experience, Tricky Tricky.
9:25: Who do you think?
9:27: I personally think a woman should definitely reach out to a professional and not reach, you know, and not.
9:34: Confide in her friends or parents because they may give her the wrong advice because she's not stabilized enough, but that's what I learned in my experience, but I would, but today you're the expert, Lisa.
9:45: So you, you should tell us.
9:51: The first person to talk to.
9:55: Is yourself first.
9:57: Absolutely, yes, 100% correct.
9:59: Mhm.
10:00: Yeah.
10:07: After, after talking to Ourselves, I think A woman having this.
10:17: Transition To speak to a few.
10:22: Person, not only one person.
10:25: why I'm saying so because it has a lot to process, it has a lot to take in, But very first she should speak to a person who can help her stay grounded.
10:40: It might be a trusted friend or someone who understand the practical side on what's happening.
10:48: Also, depending on what situation, she might speak to a few people.
10:54: If she's talking about managing emotions like anger, fear, a counselor or a therapist is appropriate.
11:05: If there is financial or business matter at stake, a lawyer or a financial advisor.
11:12: It's very necessary.
11:15: Because she really should not go into those conversations alone.
11:20: Also, a mediator or a trusted strategist to help her prepare, feeling steadier and more in control.
11:30: Having support beforehand can completely change the tone of conversation with the cheater.
11:36: Love that, yeah, legal, financial, for mental, she can go to a therapist, exactly, that's the perfect approach, you know, and definitely speak to yourself first, then go speak to someone else.
11:49: Yeah, this is perfect.
11:51: So, what do you think when it comes to how can she set boundaries, because this is like a very major problem with women.
12:00: First of all, they're in shock state, they just can't think right.
12:04: So how can she set the right boundaries without getting pulled into blame or guilt or gaslighting, especially from the partner who actually cheated on her?
12:15: I think the most important thing is to stay close to what she knows, because a large part of that related to facts.
12:25: Also, she needs to be clear what she needs because it is very personal.
12:31: And every person have their own unique Preference or need.
12:38: Also, when we talk about boundary, what, what crossed the line, what she is not going to accept needs to be predefined because it can't be just an instant decision and then have a lot of regret later.
12:58: Boundaries are really about protecting the peace and the clarity.
13:04: She does not have to explain everything or defend every feeling.
13:09: Sometimes a strong boundary is a very simple, but it can be a calm one.
13:16: If the conversation start beginning manipulative.
13:20: Or painful.
13:21: If the woman is prepared, she has the wisdom to make a decision whether it is to keep a pause or even step away or make another time to come back for another conversation.
13:35: Makes sense.
13:36: Interesting, yeah.
13:38: OK, what about, what should she do?
13:42: Like, what should she prepare for before discussing like separation or finances or property or children or business interests, like you mentioned already earlier, like go to these separate people, but what can she do right in that moment when she has to navigate through so many things?
14:01: Being prepared sometimes can be referenced as being calculated.
14:07: But it can bring a sense of steadiness at a very vulnerable time.
14:13: It helps to know what exists, what needs to be protecting, what needs to be addressing, and what outcome matter most to her.
14:23: The more prepared she is, the more she can stay calm and centered and being mindful enough to pick something which is important.
14:37: And filter out what doesn't really matter.
14:41: Sometimes, in a conversation, it has a lot to, to go on to process, and in many situations, in serious situation, serious conversation about separation, it involve a lot of nonsense.
15:03: Yes, exactly.
15:05: The ability of a woman to be able to filter out really focused.
15:10: Matter, it makes a difference how well she prepared, and it helps to reduce the chance of being pushed or pressured into a quick decision, she might later be regretted.
15:24: Oh yeah.
15:25: Especially when the manipulator wants to gain something from you, they can just manipulate you again.
15:31: So, what mistakes do you see women make when trying to resolve things peacefully with someone who betrayed them?
15:40: one very common mistake is about keeping peace by ignoring reality.
15:46: Thinking about being peaceful does not meaning not to protect yourself, and being kind and being unprepared are not the same thing.
15:57: Sometimes women try so hard to keep things calm.
16:01: And they forget about their boundaries.
16:04: They sacrifice what they need.
16:09: Ultimately, having Decisions or the outcomes that They're not happy with And they have to face Of course, they have to face many things at the same time, but they should come with clarity, care, and self-respect because in, in the betrayal, Trust is already gone.
16:39: Then Let's move to the reality.
16:42: What, he, we, we're referring to hands-on what needs to be done, what needs to be addressed instead of, I, I feel because the feeling part is processed very, at a very early stage of betrayal.
17:00: But then the later part of processing this this bill I will refer it to is about doing something practical.
17:11: Without this practical process, a woman can't move on.
17:16: That that's how I see it.
17:18: I like that, yeah.
17:20: Basically to address exactly what she needs instead of just keeping the peace, because keeping the peace is not gonna help her.
17:27: Exactly, and a lot of women don't see it until they finish the conversation.
17:34: Mhm.
17:35: Yeah, yeah, they just keep keeping the peace and therefore the other person is just still continuing to do the harm, you know, so they have to really start doing things that are more practical for them.
17:45: Yeah, makes total sense.
17:47: And they don't want to admit that they, Themself allowing to make that happen.
17:53: Yeah, I, sometimes in, in Hong Kong, in the, the woman, they have too much to burden, they have too much to consider.
18:05: And that's why they tend, they tend to delay a bit, delay another bit, do it later, and then ultimately, the snowball become too big.
18:17: I think it's all over the world, the same behavior.
18:21: I think it's the same exact behavior.
18:23: We don't take action right there and then because we fear.
18:26: We fear, and there are so many different fears, I think that's like another podcast, but totally agree.
18:32: So, Lisa, I would love to know this is my last question to you.
18:35: I should say my second last question.
18:37: What is the first step that you think a woman should take today if she's in the middle of betrayal and conflict?
18:44: As I mentioned before, the first step is to pause.
18:49: And breathe.
18:50: Pause and breathe.
18:52: Yes, stabilize yourself.
18:54: Interestingly, the first goal is not to solve everything all at once, simply to get ground again before making any big decision, she needs a moment to steady herself.
19:09: Then she can write down what is happening, what feels urgent.
19:15: And what needs support.
19:18: After that, she should reach out to one or more competent person who can help her think clearly.
19:27: Betrayal can shake the trust, but it doesn't have to define the future.
19:33: With the right support, clear boundary, and a calm mind, a woman can begin to protect both the peace and her future.
19:42: Beautiful.
19:43: Love that.
19:44: Thank you, Lisa.
19:45: I have a personal question for you.
19:48: What, what would you tell your 16 year old self today, now that you know so much about your life, what would you want to tell her if she's sitting right across from you, the younger version of you?
20:01: I make a lot of decisions, not the way that I want, but I'm grateful for that because it makes the person who I am right now.
20:14: Yeah, perfect.
20:16: So what would you, be grateful.
20:20: Love that.
20:21: That's beautiful.
20:22: Thank you.
20:22: Thank you so much, Lisa.
20:23: It was wonderful having you on our show.
20:25: Where can our listeners find you?
20:28: I'm based in Hong Kong.
20:30: Yeah, on LinkedIn, absolutely.
20:33: first contact LinkedIn.
20:34: Otherwise, we will see around in maybe in a coffee shop around.
20:41: Perfect.
20:41: Yeah, I'll definitely add her show notes on, on our podcast page.
20:45: So Lisa, thank you so much for being on our show.
20:47: I really appreciate our conversation.
20:49: Thanks for having me today.
20:51: Thank you and thank you to all of our listeners for listening to Lisa Tipton all the way from Hong Kong.
20:56: And to all of our listeners, always remember, you are awakening.
20:59: See you in the next podcast.
21:01: If you just got cheated on or you have been through a betrayal, you don't have to do it alone.
21:07: You can book a betrayal session with me, and the link is in the show notes.
21:11: And if this podcast has been supporting you, please leave a review wherever you're listening.
21:17: It helps more women find this.
21:19: And if you know a friend or a sister who needs this right now, then go ahead and send her this episode.
21:27: And always remember, you are awakening.
21:31: See you in the next podcast.
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