Money Mom Podcast
Welcome to The Money Mom Podcast—the ultimate guide for moms who want to take control of their finances, crush debt, and create a life of financial freedom and abundance. Hosted by Rachel Coons, a budgeting expert and mom of three, this podcast is your go-to resource for practical tips, mindset shifts, and empowering strategies to help you manage your money with confidence.
Whether you’re navigating grocery budgets, tackling debt, or dreaming of building wealth for your family, each episode offers bite-sized, actionable advice to make money management simple, stress-free, and even enjoyable. With relatable stories, expert insights, and a dose of mom-to-mom encouragement, you'll learn how to transform your finances—one small step at a time.
Tune in every week to discover how to save more, spend smarter, and feel empowered to create the financial life you deserve. Because when moms thrive financially, families flourish.
Money Mom Podcast
35: Unlocking the Emotional Motivations Behind Your Financial Desires
Ever wondered how your financial mindset could be the key to transforming your life? Learn how my husband Brad and I redefined our financial perspective and learned how to balance gratitude for our current situation with aspirations for the future.
I'll show you how to identify what you truly want and the emotions intertwined with those desires, such as security and peace of mind. Through this exploration, gain a deeper understanding of the true motivations behind your financial goals and find emotional satisfaction in places you least expect.
xoxo,
Rachel
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the hey Rachel Kuhns podcast. I'm sitting down at my computer and creating podcast episodes that I want to release soon, and this one is one that I just want to kind of shoot off the hip from, because it's something that my members have been we've been talking a lot about with in the Shop Society, and this, specifically, is because I released a new course for my members and it's called the Money Mindset course, and the reason I created this course is because you know, we've been doing the Shop Society for about 15 months now. We've got 1,100 members. We're rocking and rolling when it comes to saving time, money and energy feeding their families.
Speaker 1:But we run into some significant roadblocks on this journey, and one of the roadblocks that we run into when someone starts to budget and become intentional with their finances and really looking at their financial situation as a whole versus just one area of their life. When we start to create values and we start to create budgets and financial goals for the future. We run into this roadblock of experiencing money in a negative way, and I noticed this from the very beginning when we would talk about okay, when you're going to save $700 on your groceries. That's really great. But what are you going to do with that money? What are some of the pain points in your life? Maybe it's debt, maybe it's not having enough money to invest in retirement, maybe it's not having enough money to plan your next family vacation. And where can we put that grocery savings so that we are feeling less burden in other areas of our life? That's the whole point of intentional spending and that's what I am all about. But what we are running into is this feeling of there's never enough and these big financial goals that we have, like things that are going to cost a lot of money, like children's education, or like building up a retirement or emergency fund or, you know, buying a house or all of these things feeling like it's just never going to happen for me, and then how that creates a world where we feel stressed, where we feel overwhelmed with finances, and it just feels like, again, you're stuck in this idea that there's just never enough money. And what stems from that, even deeper than that, is feelings of self-worth and feeling depressed and sad and frustrated and all of those things.
Speaker 1:And so, as I started seeing this pop up, I knew that we needed to kind of hit this problem head on, and it just so happened that Brad and I had a very similar experience about two years ago when we were running into these same issues where we've been intentionally spending. We have these big goals, and I saw it first in Brad, before I even saw it in myself, where he was just so stressed day in and day out with the bills that were coming in and with the things that we wanted to accomplish, but we just weren't getting there and he was having a lot of anxiety around finances. He owns his own business and that was also trickling into how he was showing up in his business. And so I, as we were sitting down one night in a conversation, I just kind of brought up this idea of hey, maybe the anxiety that you're feeling doesn't have to be there and all of this stress that you're feeling around money isn't going to actually change our situation. It's not actually going to change the debt, it's not actually going to change you know what we're putting away into retirement. But maybe if we could change how you look at our finances and how you feel right now, maybe that could just relieve the anxiety. If anything, it might not change our financial situation, but it might make you feel better around money.
Speaker 1:And at that time, one of the reasons I was able to notice this was I was going through a similar course to help my relationship with money, and so I was like, hey, brad, why don't you just log in and like listen to the audios with me? And so we did, and we did this practice together. There was exercises and things that we had to do through this course and things that we had to do through this course, and I'm not kidding when I say that within 30 days, brad and I's whole financial situation felt so different and instead of him feeling like he's never going to get ahead and anxious and really frustrated, he turned into like this Gratitude. He was being so much gratitude, he was noticing all of the really good things that were happening, and it just made our whole reality feel very different. And it nothing again. Nothing changed with our financial situation, but everything changed in how we viewed our financial situation and since then, a lot has happened.
Speaker 1:Since then that we are able to acknowledge the wins, acknowledge the really good things, which is what I wanted to create for my members as well was we unlocked a new level of self-satisfaction in our minds, and so that's what I created. I took it that course, that I took and kind of took my own spin on it with budgeting and how my money mindset journey has changed me and now I'm trying to help my members with this experience. But one of the barriers that we keep running into and we're working through this and I'm constantly answering questions and trying to help people with their own beliefs but one of the things, one of the really good questions I got recently I tackled with our members, but I wanted to bring it here on the podcast because I think it's something that probably most people deal with when we're talking about money, and that is this idea that I can sit in gratitude and be so grateful for where I am financially right now. But I also really want certain things. Like I really want to be able to buy a brand new car and I really want to be able to, you know, take all my family on a cruise, but we're never going to have the money to be able to do that. So how do I find peace with my situation right now when all of those wants are still going to be there and they feel heavy on me and I feel like I'm never going to be able to actually attract those into my life. And the biggest thing that I want to do with you today if you'll entertain me for a little bit and be willing to go through this exercise with me, because I think it is one that is so powerful and really gets to the bottom of some of these dissatisfactions that we have with our financial situation I want you to think of something that is deep-seated, want, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:I want to buy a new car. I'm going to stick that. I'm going to say use that as our example. But I want you to think of something that you have always just wanted and it's something you just can't get rid of. You're never going to like get rid of this want. Maybe it's getting a bigger house, or you want to remodel your kitchen, or you want to take a fancy trip to Europe with your family Big things. This is like big financial investments that you would love to do but just feel like it's never going to happen. There's no way, with our financial situation right now, we're ever going to accomplish that thing. I want it to feel out of reach for you, so it has to be big. Don't do something that's not out of reach, like if you're going to be able to buy a new car in the next year. That's not a good example. It has to be something big, something really just beyond your scope of imagination right now.
Speaker 1:Once you have that thing, you can either write it down, if you want to, or just have it there. And I want you to think about what that thing? Why do you want that thing? There's a reason that you want it, and it's not just for the item or the experience or whatever it is. There's something deeper let's go a level deeper than the actual item or experience. What is that thing going to give you? So, for example, if I want to buy a new car, I actually truthfully want to buy a new car in my life. So this is this. I'm working through this with you, but I'm also working through this for myself as well.
Speaker 1:I've had my car for what like? Eight years. It's a piece of trash. It is not. It is gross. It's cloth seats, it's breaking down. We spent so much money on it this year. I want to buy a new car, but a new car. These days especially, I'm going to have to buy a minivan or an SUV and to buy a new car, and we probably wouldn't even buy it brand new, but a new car. I don't know if you've been in the market for a new car recently. They are so expensive. They're way more expensive than cars were when I bought my minivan in 2018 for $11,000, which felt like a stretch at the time. So a new car for us is something that I really really want, and it's also something that feels like we for sure could make the money happen. We could adjust our spending and keep enough money to be able to afford a car. But there's also things that we're going to have to give up on in the process, and those other things are more important to me right now, at this point in time.
Speaker 1:But I want a new car. So that was a little tangent of why I want a new car, but I want a brand new car. That's the item for me. For you, it could be anything that you want, and there's something deeper in the reason I want that car and that you want, and there's something deeper in the reason I want that car, and for me, there's a couple of reasons and I have to get really self-aware. I have to be very honest with myself about this and it's almost a little bit embarrassing to share why I want a new car. But one of the reasons I want a new car is first for comfort. Like I want a car that's a little bit more comfortable, it has a little bit more of like the bells and whistles, like there's just the comfort of having I would love to have like a movie player in my car for my kids. Like convenience, I guess, would be on top of that as well, so when we go on road trips they can watch a movie without having to have three different devices where they all have downloaded movies on it. So that would be nice Convenience comfort.
Speaker 1:Also, you know, a little bit of me wants to be able to like prove to myself and drive around in luxury, like I want to be. I want to feel more confident when I pull up. I mean you guys, I'm being so honest and open with you right now. But like when I show up to pick up my kids from school, my car is trash right now. Right, there's dents all over the outside, it's old and there's a part of me that feels like I want to feel better about myself when I show up for those things like soccer practice, or when we go to church or when we pick up the kids from school, like I, it's very prideful, but I want to look good, and so there's a little bit about me that wants to be able to have a nice car for that.
Speaker 1:There's another part of me that also financially wants a new car because I am putting we've put like $8,000 into our van this year Maybe not 8,000. Maybe it's like 6,000. Maybe I'm over exaggerating a little bit. We put a lot of money into our car this year and so part of me is like well, I don't want to pour money into this money hole anymore. I would rather have a new car. So there's a lot of deeper things for the reason that I want the new car.
Speaker 1:It's not just the car that I want. There's other things. I want comfort, I want convenience, I want to feel better about myself, I want to be financially smart, and there's a lot of emotions that come just with that wanting a car. And what I want you to do is I want you to figure out what it is that you want that's out of reach, and then figure out what is that going to give you? Maybe it's going to give you security. Maybe it'll give you a peace of mind or safety or a feeling of power or a feeling of self-worth, like I said, like you feel better about yourself, and name it Like actually name the emotion that you're feeling. That's what you're actually asking for right now. That's what you actually want. It's not the new car, it's what you actually want. It's not the new car, it's not the new house, it's not the bigger house, it's that thing and with that thing that you actually want and it could be a bunch of different things that you want to.
Speaker 1:You is and this is kind of where we flip this on its head and we bring back your power and we bring back the idea that you don't need more things in life to be happy is why, if those are the things that you're actually searching for the deeper meanings of the item or the experience that you want if those are the things that you want, why can't you have those things now? So, if I want to feel better about myself and I want to feel like I have more self-worth because I have a nicer car, if that's what I want, why can't I feel that way right now without the brand new car? Why can't I feel better about myself now, or if you want to feel convenience or comfort or love or security or whatever it is, could you not do that now without that item? Because I'm willing to bet that there are people out in the world right now who don't have the item that you want, but have that feeling that you also want without having the item. So if you're wanting more security in life or you're wanting to feel better about yourself, are there people in the world that already feel really good about themselves, they have lots of confidence or they have lots of security or they have lots of peace around finances or whatever it is, without having the thing that you want? So we have to detach this idea that if we can't have the things that we want, we have to put off the emotional package that comes with that thing. We have to detach that and then we have to call back and bring back those emotional feelings that we're looking for. And we can do that with every single thing where we feel like we're not measuring up or where we want to be.
Speaker 1:So when we were looking at Brad and I, when we were looking at our financial situations, he was feeling like we're never going to get out of debt. We're never going to be able to like, relieve this burden that we have of debt. And because of that, the deeper feeling what he wanted. So he wanted to be able to pay off debt, because he wanted to feel more financially secure. That was like the underlying, because he also wanted to feel good about himself. And so when we were able to detach the emotion from okay, we're in this debt, we've now decided that I could actually feel financially secure and feel good about myself without having to actually pay down all of that debt. And that doesn't mean we're being irresponsible with our finances, but we can call in that emotion before we actually achieve that goal for our financial future. And all this is doing it's not actually changing right. Right, we're not changing whether or not you're ever going to be able to receive that thing that you want, but what we're doing is we're making your here and now, your experience, day to day, for you get to have what you want.
Speaker 1:If you want to feel better about yourself, if you want to be happier, if you want to feel more peace yourself, if you want to be happier, if you want to feel more peace, don't put it off. Don't wait until you can get the things that you want. Because guess what? If you're going to put that off and you're going to say I can't have that until I have that, I can't have peace if I don't have the bigger house, then what happens? When you get the bigger house and the goalposts move. Because what I'm telling you now is you're never going to hit the finish line, you're never going to get to the point where you have everything you want. That goalpost is going to keep moving. So once you have the bigger house, then you're going to want to buy a second house, or then you're going to be able to want to buy something else a boat or a vacation package or whatever it is. There's always going to be more things that you want, always 100%. It's just the way that our brains work. But we don't have to sit in this waiting period for the emotional benefits of what those things bring us.
Speaker 1:This is a really powerful exercise. That may feel a little bit like how is that actually going to change me? I'm telling you that this mindset switch to be able to own your own experience and to own what you need in life now. What you need in life now is not more things. It's not more money. You don't need more money in life to be happy, because if you need more money in life to be happy, then everybody who doesn't have money can't be happy, and that's not true. There's so many people out there that don't have any money and they're still very happy. So you don't need more money in order to feel the things that you want to feel. You could feel those things right now and that change will change your life. It'll change how you show up. It'll change how you feel about money. It will change everything and that's why it's so powerful and that's why I wanted to do that exercise with you today.
Speaker 1:So I hope you learn something new. I hope you feel like maybe there's a little bit, you feel a little bit easier when it comes to how you're showing up with money right now, and I'd love to hear what you think. And if you have any pushback, if you have any resistance or feel a little bit uncomfortable, that's a good thing. That's a sign that we're really getting to the root cause and the bottom issues of how you're showing up with money. So I'm hoping a little bit that you feel uncomfortable. That's what I want and as somebody who wants you to be happy and you to live the life you dream. We can do that right now. Live the life you dream. We can do that right now. So enjoy this episode, share it with your friends, leave us a review. I'd love to hear what you think and I'll see you next week.
