Money Mom Podcast

64: 5 Sneaky Ways Moms Self-Sabotage Their Finances

• Rachel Coons

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If you’ve ever said, “I know what to do, I just can’t seem to do it”… this episode is for you.

We’re diving deep into the sneaky ways moms sabotage their finances—without even realizing it. These aren’t just bad habits or lack of discipline. These are emotional patterns, survival responses, and inherited beliefs that are quietly keeping you stuck in debt, paycheck-to-paycheck cycles, and money stress.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through:

  • Why you keep avoiding the bank account and what it’s really about
  • The emotional spending spiral (and how to break free without guilt)
  • The lie that “you just need to make more money”
  • Why putting off budgeting “just one more month” is keeping you stuck
  • And the most toxic belief moms carry about money (that stops change in its tracks)

This is a compassionate, no-shame conversation about what’s actually driving your financial stress—and what to do about it.

🎧 Listen now and let’s get you out of chaos mode and into confidence.

xoxo,
Rachel

Where to find me:
Instagram: @heyrachelcoons

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Money Mom podcast, the show where we empower moms to take control of their finances, break free from money stress and build a life of freedom, confidence and abundance for their families. I'm your host, rachel Koons, mom money mentor and your personal cheerleader on this journey. Whether you're here to save money, pay off debt or dream bigger for your family's future to save money, pay off debt or dream bigger for your family's future, you're in the right place here. We believe that being a mom is already a full-time job, but your role in shaping your family's financial success is just as important. And the best part, you don't need to sacrifice everything to start winning with money let's get started. This is the Money Mom Podcast. Money let's get started. This is the Money Mom Podcast. Hello and welcome to the Money Mom Podcast. I'm your host, rachel Koons, and we are at the end of June, if you can believe it, and beginning of July, with the 4th of July this weekend. So if you are traveling or you have plans for the 4th of July, I hope you have a wonderful holiday and enjoy time with friends, family, whatever it looks like.

Speaker 1:

Last year, we started a channel where we hosted a bunch of families I think we had like 15 families over to our house for a barbecue, and that is where my happiness lies. I love to host people and so last year we just kind of had an open invitation Anybody who wants to come, who is available on the 4th of July, bring. I supplied the hamburgers and bring fireworks. Right In our county. We can light off fireworks in Northern California, which is not normal for most counties in our area, and so everybody brought fireworks. We had a massive firework show, a super fun pool party and barbecue, and we're doing round two again this year, so I'm really excited about that. I did record a podcast about how to host families, friends, whatever it looks like, and how to not blow your grocery budget while doing that earlier this month. So if you haven't listened to that, go back and listen, because I think there's really easy ways that you can have really fun hosting and inviting people into your home, especially during summertime, without feeling like you are spending a ton of money and just wasting a bunch of money on hosting.

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So I follow, I practice what I preach and I do exactly what I talked about in that episode. We always have anybody who comes to our house. Anytime I invite honestly, anytime I invite people over to my house for any type of eating experience whether it's dinner, a party, a barbecue I always it's like hands down, I will ask you to bring something, and I do not feel bad about it. It's like, hey, I'm going to make crock pot pork loin for dinner. Do you mind bringing mashed potatoes? And like I've never had anybody say, no, you're feeding me a main dish, I am not going to bring a side dish, and it's not. It's not a bad thing for them to help with the meal. If I'm supplying the main meal, I never, ever, feel bad about asking someone to pitch in. So I'm giving you permission for the 4th of July this weekend to ask for help and not take it on all yourself if you are hosting. And hey, if you're going to somebody else's house, if you are getting hosted this weekend, I'm gonna challenge you to text the person that you are going to somebody else's house, if you are getting hosted this weekend, I'm going to challenge you to text the person that you are going to their house and say what can I help with, what can I bring? How can I reciprocate the wonderful invite that you've given me by supplying some type of food as well, to take that burden off of the hoster. So, anyways, that's a different episode. Go listen to that episode. But today's episode is we're going to get to the juices of finances and money and moms, and how.

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You may not know it, but there are ways that we self-sabotage in every area of our lives as human beings. It's like the way our brains are wired are to, you know, keep us safe First off. Our brains are wired to keep us safe and in doing so we create habits and actions that go against what our actual goals are. There are so many times that you talk to someone who has a goal, a financial goal, wants to do something, and then you look at the actions that they're doing and you're like but you're not actually trying to hit that target, you're not actually going towards that goal because all these other things that you're doing are taking you away from you trying to hit that goal. It's like taking a bow and arrow and trying to have a target and then taking out your contacts or pulling off your glasses. It becomes really blurry and really hard to hit a target when we don't focus on the actions that we're doing that are taking us away and we can kind of clear through and sort through the noise of what self-sabotaging behaviors we have, because, guess what? We all self-sabotage we're going to talk about that in a minute, but we all do it. So how can we really diagnose the self-sabotage and say why am I doing that, what is causing me to do that? And usually in fact, nine times out of 10, there's probably a deeper issue of a need not being met, an emotional thing that's not being met, a nervous system issue that's not being met. So how can we really figure out what that self-sabotage looks like and then fix the root cause of that, which is why I talk about healing your relationship with money, really getting to the root cause of your money habits and your money beliefs, so that way we can change the way we show up with our money.

Speaker 1:

And I actually did a Instagram post about the self-sabotage, the sneaky ways that moms self-sabotage with their money, and it blew up. I got so many comments and so many DMs about this so I wanted to bring it onto the podcast and kind of expand on what these self-sabotages looks like and how I see it in moms. So if you're watching this on YouTube my YouTubers I'm looking at my phone because I'm looking through the slides and giving me, you know, help to get there. So, first off, if you are someone who self-sabotages, welcome to the club. You're not bad with money. You are not lazy. You are not someone who is all hope is lost and we can't fix you. Chances are. If you are self-sabotaging, like I said, there is a deeper root of survival mechanisms happening here and you are just trying to do what we all are trying to do, which is make our money go further and be more financially independent. But the truth is probably nobody told you that you're doing these things and you don't even recognize you're doing these things.

Speaker 1:

So the first way that I see moms self-sabotage with their finances is that they become avoiders. They avoid the bank account, they avoid the bills, they avoid the things that are going to get them closer to their goals, but they're afraid to open up the can of worms. They're afraid to acknowledge where they are currently. They're afraid to acknowledge what they're spending their money on. They're afraid and avoidant, and an avoidant personality shows up in so many different areas of your finances. But if you are someone who gets that pit in your stomach when you log in to check your bank account or you are overdrafting or you are feeling a lot of stress when it comes to money in general, chances are you're avoiding something and it's because that need for survival is kicking in, where we don't want to feel negative emotions, we don't want to feel bad about ourselves, we don't want to have judgment and shame, and so if I just don't even pay attention to it, if I don't acknowledge that it's a problem or that the debt is there, then I don't have to acknowledge those negative emotions and what you truly need.

Speaker 1:

If you are someone who is avoiding finances and money and budgeting, if you're one of those people, you need to feel safe, you need to feel okay in your current situation. You need to not feel shame or judgment. You need to look at this as I am walking through a room and that room is dark, the lights are off, I cannot see anything and I don't know about you, but if you have boys or kids in general, if I walk through a room, dark and I can't see anything, chances are I am going to step on a Lego or I'm going to kick a Barbie or I'm going to hit a bedpost or something with my toe, like, if the lights are off, I'm going to be in pain at some point or another and unintentionally. It's not like I'm choosing to step on a Lego, but the Lego's there and I can't see it. When you turn on the light, you can see what's there. You can avoid things that you want to avoid. You can take a path that is easier and makes more sense. That's exactly what happens when we turn the light on. When it comes to our finances, it can be a little painful when you first get in there, when you first recognize like this is bigger than I thought it was going to be. Maybe it's bigger than you thought it would be, or maybe it's not as actually as bad as you thought it was going to be. But you have to turn the light on because the pain comes when the light's off. So when we turn the light on, we avoid future pain and we we acknowledge where we are at Self-sabotage.

Speaker 1:

Number two is we use our spending buying power, credit cards, our trips to Target to cope with emotional turmoil or emotional stress or feelings of inadequacy or feelings of anger and sadness. We use the dopamine hit, the credit card, to help us feel better. And if this is you and you are somebody who is a late night Amazon shopper when you're stressed, or you're taking a trip to Target when you've had a bad day to treat yourself. There's nothing bad about shopping. There's nothing bad about purchasing yourself to treat yourself. There's nothing bad about shopping. There's nothing bad about purchasing yourself to treat yourself. There is something bad about using spending to buffer our emotions, and if you are using your spending and your purchase power to mask a deeper emotion that's not being met, to mask a deeper emotion that's not being met, you are self-sabotaging your money situation, Because what happens is we use money to make us feel better and in doing so, we create more stress around money, which then leads us to not feeling good, which then leads us to purchasing more things.

Speaker 1:

It's a cycle and that cycle is a downward spiral. What can happen instead to break the cycle and to ascend upward instead of downward is acknowledge, break it. Break the emotional stress, break that bad, negative emotion and deal with that first. Okay, if you're bored, if you're hurt, if you're sad, those are real emotions every human has at some point or another. They're not bad emotions, but you have to be able to sit with those emotions and acknowledge those and then work through them, make sure you're getting the help you need, make sure you're doing the self-care that you need to do to acknowledge those emotions so those emotions don't spoil the money, that they don't wreck your financial goals. And when we can separate emotion and money and our spending, we won't self-sabotage because it's something bigger and money cannot give you the things that you are looking for. If you're sad, money can't give you happiness. If you're stressed, money can't give you calm. What can give you those things is within you and acknowledging those emotions in the first place and taking back the idea that you are in control. You're in control of your emotions and you get to decide how I handle emotions and how do I handle my spending.

Speaker 1:

Self-sabotage number three is the idea that you just need to make more money. You know you wouldn't have such a money problem if somebody brought in a higher paycheck or there was more money in the bank account. And the problem here is that if you can't handle the amount of money you have right now, you are not going to be able to handle the money if there's more of it the same habits that you have right now that are making it hard to get by and to live paycheck to paycheck, are going to continue with a higher income amount, those same habits are going to just get bigger. Those same habits are going to just get bigger. Whatever overspending you're doing right now, or avoidance you're doing, or buying things you can't afford, those habits don't go away. They just become bigger and greater and you're spending money on more things. So you have to fix whatever is sabotaging your finances right now before we can really focus on pouring more water into the bucket. It is not about how much money comes in. It is about what you do with that money and how you manage the money that you already have. That is a true money.

Speaker 1:

Mom is somebody who is in control of their finances and feels confident with their finances. Self-sabotage number four is similar to number one, with that avoidance personality. But if you keep pushing off any of your goals or changing something or like thinking, oh, I'll just budget next month, I'll just do it next month, I'll get in control next month, but something always is coming up and something always gets in your way and then you just keep saying, next month, next month, you're gonna stay stuck with where you are for another month and another month and another year and the days are going to pass and nothing's going to change. The one thing that I wish I would have done at an earlier age is get in control of my finances and really own my money story, because I wasted years not focusing on it. I wasted years not putting more money into investment, and the faster you can do this, the faster you can get on board, the faster you can heal your relationship with money. Like you are creating so much more peace and joy in the now. You are in control of when that starts for you and you can put it off for another month if you want to. But don't be surprised if a couple months from now or a year from now, you're in the same place that you are right now because nothing changed and you kept putting it off. If all you need is a little kick in the pants to get started, do it. Do it now. Do it scared. You're going to fail. You're not going to do this perfectly, but that's why I'm here and that's why we created the Money Mom Club so that there is a space for you to get the correct tools and resources, so that you're not guessworking your way to financial peace and freedom, that you have a clear game plan in order to do it.

Speaker 1:

And the last one, and probably the biggest one, the one that I see the most when I talk to people who are stuck in debt or feeling really overwhelmed with money, the number one thing I hear people say is I'm just not good with money. I've never been good with money. Money has always been really hard for me and, truthfully, this is not a personality flaw. There are not certain personality types that are good with money and other personality types that are bad with money, and then if you didn't get one of those personality types, you're just screwed and SOL. That's not the case. The people that are bad with money and then if you didn't get one of those personality types, you're just screwed and SOL. That's not the case. The people that are good with money didn't just naturally get born being good with money. The people that are good with money learned how to be good with money. They created systems, they created habits, they created beliefs around money that make them good with money.

Speaker 1:

So if you are someone who is not good with money and you're using that as an excuse to self-sabotage, to make mistakes, to get yourself into debt, that belief is not getting you anywhere. It's not helping you. It's not serving you. What is on the flip side of that belief is I can learn to be good with money. There are resources. Listening to this podcast is one of them. There are places that I can learn to be good with money and I'm trying. I'm trying to be good with money.

Speaker 1:

If you are someone who feels like you are not good with money, you're sitting in failure. You're letting your failure of your past mistakes drive and dictate your future decisions. And the truth is no one gave you the tools. Maybe you were raised in a family where your parents like let's be honest, your parents might not have been good with money, they might have self-sabotaged and made lots of mistakes, and that's what you saw and you didn't get the tools. You didn't get the correct resources. Nobody taught you how to do this in school. So you have to acknowledge that and say I'm a beginner, I'm a student, I'm going to go back to the drawing board, I'm going to learn how to do this correctly.

Speaker 1:

And the older you get, the more ingrained you get in money habits and money beliefs, the harder it is to rewire those beliefs. So start now. Start now with saying I'm going to be different. I'm not gonna let my past dictate my future and I'm going to be better with money. I am going to learn how to be good with money because there are ways and things that we can do right here, right now, to change your future and make it so that you are good with money.

Speaker 1:

You need a system, you need financial plans, you need to know what things are holding you back, what mistakes that you may be making that are causing this self-sabotage, and I talked about five of them here today. But there are, truthfully, there are so many that I see, and inside the Money Mom Club, we talk about five different levers that we can pull when it comes to controlling our finances and feeling confident with money. But when you do that, when you have a different approach to money, when you have a spending strategy, when you have a plan, when you have peace of mind when it comes to money, it's not about budgeting, it's not about spreadsheets, it's not about the shame that you feel you don't actually need more tips, you don't need more spreadsheets in order to do that. What you need is a robust system and a way to view your overall spending strategy to work for you, not against you, and that's the work that we do here at Money Mom so that you can start surviving and stop living in chaos and start feeling steady when it comes to money and your future, for your family, for yourself and how you show up. So if that's something, that is something you want to tackle and really get in control of, I'm going to link my free training below here. It's an hour-long training and we talk about the different areas of your finances that can help you change the needle, get you out of debt, get you stop living paycheck to paycheck or, if you're not stuck there, it can get you having more money than you ever thought possible, and I teach you how to do that in my free training. So we'll drop that in the show notes for you. You can click that link and register for that at any time.

Speaker 1:

But hopefully you acknowledge something new today. Maybe you notice something that you're doing that is self-sabotaging, something you didn't realize before, and you have some steps, some ways that you can rewrite that narrative for yourself. Okay, you guys, like I said before, I hope you have a wonderful 4th of July and I will see you in the next episode. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Money Mom podcast. I hope you're walking away feeling inspired, empowered and ready to take the next step toward financial confidence and freedom for your family.

Speaker 1:

If you've loved today's episode, it would mean so much to me if you'd subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast with another mom who could use a little extra encouragement on her money journey. And don't forget to connect with me on Instagram at HeyRachelCoons, or you can join our thriving money mom club for even more tips, support and resources to help you save, spend and build wealth intentionally. You've got this, mama, and I'm here to cheer you on every step of the way. Until next time, remember, every dollar you manage with purpose is another step toward the life you've been dreaming of. I'll see you back here soon on our next episode.

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Rachel Coons

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