91: Why Budgeting Alone Keeps Moms Stuck in Money Stress

Have you ever downloaded a new budgeting app, opened a fresh spreadsheet, and promised yourself this time will be different... only to fall right back into the same money stress a few weeks later?

You’re not broken.
And you don’t have a willpower problem.

In this episode of The Money Mom Podcast, I’m breaking down why budgeting alone doesn’t actually lead to financial peace, confidence, or debt freedom, and what’s really going on beneath the surface when money systems don’t stick.

We’ll talk about why numbers don’t change habits, how your emotions and subconscious beliefs drive spending, and why so many moms stay stuck in the same cycle even when they “know what to do.”

You’ll also learn about the four money personalities I see most often in moms:

• The Avoider who doesn’t want to look at the numbers
• The Emotional Spender who shops to cope with stress
• The Scarcity Saver who budgets well but never feels at peace
• And the Confident Money Mom — the version of you who feels calm, grounded, and in control of her money (without obsession or restriction)

This episode isn’t about shame, restriction, or another spreadsheet.
 It’s about understanding why you show up the way you do with money — so you can finally change it.

If you’ve ever felt:

• Overwhelmed by budgeting
• Stressed about debt
• Guilty for spending
• Afraid to check your bank account
• Or tired of money running your emotions, marriage, or mental space

…this episode will meet you exactly where you are.

✨ And if you’re ready to do the deeper work — combining practical money skills and mindset — I’ll also share how you can join us inside Money Mom Club, a supportive community of women learning how to save, spend, invest, and feel confident with money.

🎧 Press play and let’s stop budgeting around the problem — and finally address the root.

xoxo,
Rachel

Where to find me:
Instagram: @heyrachelcoons

Join me for my free training to cut your grocery bill by $600 every month: Register HERE

Transcript

Why Budgets Keep Failing

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever sat down with a new spreadsheet or you downloaded a new app on your iPhone to budget your money? And you swore that this time it was going to be different. This time it was going to work. But then a few weeks later, you realize, oh, this didn't work. I didn't stick with it. And I am still in the same money situation that I was before. And I don't actually want to track numbers. I don't actually want to do the work that it takes in order to control my money. And most moms think that they just have a budgeting problem or they just have a like sticking to something problem. But there's something much deeper that is going on here. And in today's episode, we're going to break down why budgeting alone doesn't actually work. For getting you out of debt, for being able to make you feel confident with money and to feel peace around money. Budgeting alone is not the answer. We're also going to go into the four types of money personalities that I see and the different traits around that money personality and how to fight that trait. So that way you can really find abundance and peace with money. Stay tuned. Welcome to the Money Mom Podcast, the show where we empower moms to take control of their finances, break free from money stress, and build a life of freedom, confidence, and abundance for their families. I'm your host, Rachel Coons, mom, money mentor, and your personal cheerleader on this journey. Whether you're here to save money, pay off debt, or dream bigger for your family's future, you're in the right place. Here, we believe that being a mom is already a full-time job. But your role in shaping your family's financial success is just as important. And the best part, you don't need to sacrifice everything to start winning with money. Let's get started. This is the Money Mom Podcast. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Money Mom Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Koons. Today's episode is all about why budgeting alone is not the secret to financial abundance. Why, when we just focus on budgeting, people still feel stressed around money. They still have debt. They still get in arguments with their husband around the numbers and all of that. Truthfully, budgeting is an amazing tool. And budgeting can be a really great way to get in control of your finances, to make sure that you have enough money at the end of the month. And it's not a tool that I want to discount because I do believe that there is a really important lesson that we can learn through budgeting. But it is not the only answer. I see so many moms download apps, buy planners, get a new spreadsheet where they can fill in the numbers. And they always think, okay, this is the next thing. This is what I need. I just needed five different colors of a highlighter so that I could actually track my budgets correctly. But then the habits don't stick. You don't feel good about the numbers. And so you start to slowly check in less and you start to control your money a little bit less. And then you're back where you used to be three months later. And instead of saying, oh, there must be a deeper issue here, you just want to blame it on the spreadsheet. It was just the wrong app. The app was, you know, didn't work out well, or or I didn't like that I had to go sit down and track the numbers. You don't have a budgeting problem if this is you. What you actually have is something deeper, and that's your behaviors, your habits, your mindset, your beliefs around what is going on. That's the deeper work. And so today we're gonna break down why numbers alone will never set you free when it comes to money. Why budgeting doesn't work alone and what we can do about that. And then we're also gonna dive into the four money personalities that I see and what is driving you. Which one are you? What I want you to do while we're going through these money personalities is figure out which one are you, and then we can give you the tools to be able to combat whatever the problem is, right? Because there's so many different problems that we see when it comes to money. If I had strep throat and I needed to go to the doctor to get medicine, I would go and I would sit down and tell the doctor all of the symptoms that I have. I probably would have a fever. I probably would have a terrible throat that makes it hard to swallow. And I would tell the doctor all of these symptoms, and then the doctor would diagnose me with the actual problem. And what I see so often with the women that I work with, the families that I work with, is that they are focused on the fever. They're focused on the sore throat. They're not focused on the underlying problem, like strep throat. They're focused on, oh, the spreadsheets aren't working, the budgeting's not working, which is why we're still in debt, which is why, you know, you come to all these conclusions as to why the budgeting's not working. The problem is, budgeting or the lack thereof is just a symptom of a deeper problem. And if you can't figure out how to show up for your money, how to track your money, and how to make sure your spending is in alignment with your values, we have a deeper issue here because numbers don't change habits. I'm talking about like the person who goes to Target and overspends when they know that they don't have enough money in their bank account to pay off the credit card. Or the person who goes to Target and shops when they're stressed because something bad is happening in their life and they need that to cover the emotions. The spreadsheets aren't going to help you in that situation. It's not the numbers that need help, it's the subconscious learning on how we handle money and our behaviors around money. Because truthfully, our behaviors around money are often driven by things we don't even realize. They're driven by old money stories that you have. They're driven by how you were raised with money. In fact, most of the time, money personalities and the way that we show up around money is deeply connected to how our parents treated money. If you had a mom that, you know, didn't control her money very well or was constantly trying to get out of debt, you may be struggling with those same things. Your behaviors might be driven by emotions that aren't being regulated correctly, patterns that are happening in your life, not necessarily by the logic of numbers, by the logic of money. It's the emotions behind money. I want you to imagine that you have a roof on your house and there's a leak coming in. And so you think, oh, in order to fix that leak, all I have to do is just keep mopping up the water on the floor. Sure, you know, you're going to be able to get the water off of the floor, but you're not addressing what is actually happening, is that there's a leak in the roof. And I see so moms who are stuck in chaos mode. They're stuck in where, you know, they're feeling overwhelmed by debt. They're feeling stressed about paying the bills, they're feeling like money, either there's never enough or there's too much, or we have all these negative feelings around money, but then they try to fix it by putting a band-aid on an open wound. We can't do that. We can't just budget our way to closing up that wound or fixing the leak in the roof. We have to address the root cause. And if this is something that is resonating with you, I want you to know that however you're showing up for money right now, however, you have showed up for money in the past, I don't want you to look at it with judgment or shame. I want you to look at this episode as a new way. You are now on a new path. You're experiencing money differently because you're here. And now we can start to take some of those subconscious beliefs and habits and actions that you have been having and make them conscious. So we take the experience that you've had and we start to learn from it. And we start to realize hey, I am showing up in a way that I don't want to show up, or I'm thinking things that I don't actually want to think about money because when we change our thoughts, we really change our reality. So we're gonna start to do that work right here, right now. We're gonna go through some of the money personalities that I see often when moms are struggling when it comes to money. So I'm gonna go ahead and address the four different types of personalities, and then we'll kind of go deeper into what does it look like to be that type of money personality? And when I go through this, here's the thing: you may be a dominant money personality in one area, but then other things start to show up and you're a different personality in a different area. It is totally okay to have multiple personality disorder in this space because different situations, different life experiences, different struggles that we have with money will show up. We show up differently. So when, but when we know, hey, I am actually avoiding money right now, um, then we can say, okay, this, I know I'm doing this. How do I get myself out of this? And what do I do in order to show up better? The first type is someone who just avoids everything when it comes to money. You avoid looking at your bank account. You don't want to open the bills that are coming in the mail. You know, you go to the mailbox and you see there's four bills and you just put them on the counter and you're like, if I don't have to think about it, then I don't have to address it. Money feels like too much. If you're here, you're probably stuck in debt. You're probably feeling like money is heavy. And because of that, you may just be avoiding budgeting or tracking the numbers altogether. If you are an avoider, if you are someone who avoids a money situation, this is just a form of protection. It is your brain protecting you from something that is stressful, something that is scary. Because along the way, your nervous system, your subconscious learned and experienced stress around money. So, in order to keep you safe, in order to keep your brain from feeling good, you stay distant. And if this is you, you're not broken. Chances are you're probably just burned out and you're probably just exhausted. And you probably feel like there's no solution. You don't know what it is that you need to do because it money causes tension. It causes tension in your marriage, it causes tension in your family relationships, in your friend relationships. Maybe you and your partner have different ideas on how to handle money, and so things just turn into arguments. The first step to getting out of being an avoider is not another spreadsheet. It's not another app that you need to download. It's teaching yourself that money can feel safe and that you can handle whatever problem comes into your life because you've rewritten your beliefs around what money is. And you've been able to handle money in the past. So you'll be able to handle it in the future. As you start to notice these negative emotions that come up when you avoid money, we have to realize that the avoidance is actually causing the problem, right? So, how can we address the emotions first and then tackle the numbers second? The healing of those emotions needs to happen, or else you will always want to avoid. If you are an avoider, money can feel safe again. You can feel safe with money again. You just have to do the work. You just have to focus on the emotions and really address all of those negative emotions that you have. So that way your brain can feel safe again. We want you to feel safe checking your bank account, looking at the numbers, doing all of those things. The second money personality is the emotional spender. I love these people. These the I I understand these people really well. These are the types of people that something negative happens in their life. You know, they had a hard morning with their kids, or they got news from a job that they didn't like. And in order to cope with the negative feelings that they have, they end up shopping. These are like the 2 a.m. Amazon shoppers when they wake up stressed and they're like, I just gotta buy a t-shirt. You know, there are so many times where we use shopping, the good dopamine hits that happen after the checkout, the fun things that we can buy ourselves to then not have to deal with the negative emotions that we have. The problem with being an emotional spender is that these are the types of people that want to budget. They like see the value in it, but these are the types of people that see the value in like tracking the numbers and doing all of that in the moment when they're at the computer, when they're on the app. But then they get off and the emotions kick in. You know, the the numbers go out the window and the emotions run the show. But the problem with this is the impulse spending leads to regret, or you're feeling guilt or shame after purchases when you realize, oh, I shouldn't have spent my money on that one thing, or I shouldn't have bought the brand new couch or whatever it is. You are overspending in areas that you didn't need to or didn't really want to. It's not like you're spending with your values, you're just spending kind of to heal the deeper problems. And the way that we can combat this is not more restriction, right? You don't need more restriction in your life. The real solution is being able to regulate the negative emotions so that you don't have to use spending as a way to feel better. You know, there's a lot of people that are like, the grocery store is just my happy place. I just like going to the grocery store. I like going and picking out my food, you know, for dinner or whatever. I'm really happy that you found a place that is your happy place. But there are so many places on this planet Earth that we could create and make our happy place instead of the store, instead of somewhere where we spend money. So it's all about navigating your personality, your emotions to find out how can we, how can we, instead of getting rid of these shopping trips, how can we replace them with something that is more constructive, with something that is going to help you deal with the emotions and also give you that dopamine hit that you that you need and that you want. I think this is also one that we need to recognize is not all the time. It doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes you may be able to look back at phases of your life where you're like, yeah, I was definitely emotional spender in that phase. My money personality became an emotional spender when I had a new baby. That was the time where I was like, I just need to like survive. And whatever I can do to help myself feel better from not sleeping and giving my all to my children, it will help me feel better. And unfortunately, it doesn't actually help you feel better. It's it's a band-aid on an open wound, right? So we've got to address the deeper, the deeper issues when you become an emotional spender. The third type of money personality, which is my favorite because it's actually the one that I resonate with the most and the one that creeps up the most in my life is the scarcity saver. This is the type of person that hates spending money, that feels bad when they have to buy something. And this, again, varying degrees of shame or guilt that can come from spending money. But this type of person loves to save. Like, and and if their bank account gets below a certain amount, then it's like, ah, something's wrong. We gotta, we gotta fix the numbers and make sure we have more money. So I'm not gonna spend. I'm gonna, I'm gonna cut back in all the areas that I can. These are the types of people that actually do really well with budgeting because it makes them feel in control and it makes them feel like they are gonna have enough money. But the root of the scarcity saver is actually not, it's not rooted in abundance. It's rooted in scarcity. It's rooted in fear, and it's rooted in this fear that money won't always be there. And the deeper problem here is that no matter how much money you have in your bank account, you're always gonna be worried what's in there. You're never gonna feel safe around money. You're nervous spending it. On top of that, you're probably cutting costs wherever possible, which also leaves you feeling restricted and it brings a whole nother slew of issues. These are my budgeters. These are the people that like love to budget, love to control their money, but they don't feel peace around it. So maybe on paper, things look really good. But once we go deeper into like the deeper issues that someone has, they don't feel good around money, right? You shouldn't feel guilty if you want to go get coffee once a week. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to take your family on a nice family vacation once a year. If if you do feel bad about spending money on things that maybe aren't necessary in your budget, then we you may be having a scarcity problem. And like I said, this is the one that I resonate with the most. This is the one that I saw how negative I felt around money. And I just wanted to feel okay spending money. I just wanted to get to a point where like I could buy a friend a$20 or$30 gift card for her birthday or go do something special for her and not feel resentful. Like that's where I was. That's how deep in this I was. And it wasn't until I started practicing immense gratitude for my money. And I took little actions to try and spend money when I didn't need to, that really helped me start to feel like, okay, money flows from me, but it also comes to me. And that deep inner knowing, that deep inner belief that I would always have enough, because I always have, and I and I can control my money as much as I need to, but I also can be free with it. And I also can believe that abundance is possible. That was when that was that is where you can finally find peace being a scarcity saver. So if you're one of these people, I got you, I understand you. I have had phases in my life where one of these three personalities have come up. And now that I have the tools to be able to work through those different personalities or those different symptoms that come up, and I know the underlying issue isn't necessarily the budget. It is the way that I think about money and the thoughts that I have and the beliefs that I have. The final money personality is the money personality that I actually hope we can all get to because I believe that if we turn in or we show up as most often as this fourth and final personality type, so much would change for us. The budgets wouldn't feel hard. The stress that we feel around money wouldn't be there. It's not gonna go away 100%, but we have the tools to work through the negative emotions that do come. When money feels hard with a partner or in your marriage, you can rely on the tools that you've learned to help you through those hard times. No matter what, money is going to change, right? Sometimes you're gonna have more, sometimes you're gonna have less, sometimes you're gonna have big bills, sometimes you're gonna feel like money is flowing to you like crazy. That is a given. That is part of our experience here as mortals on this planet. So it's not necessarily trying to control all the different experiences. It's trying to control ourselves. And what can we do to control ourselves? Which is why what I call the last personality is the confident money mom. This is the mom that has done the work for herself. She has made the changes that she's need to make. And she allows money. Well, I should say this differently. She shows up differently for money so that money doesn't rule her life. She rules money. This is like, I'm gonna become the captain of my money. I'm not gonna let the roller coaster of money experiences drive my emotions up and down this roller coaster. I'm gonna, I'm gonna consciously get off the roller coaster. So that way, when the bill comes in for$12,000, I literally had this happen recently.$12,000 bill in the mail. I open up the bill and you can imagine the thought, the experience in my body was like pit in the stomach. Oh my gosh, this is really expensive. And we don't have$12,000 sitting in our checking account. That was my initial reaction was oh crap. Total normal reaction, right? I think this would be any person's experience with money, unless you're a multimillionaire and you just have money flowing out of your bank account. I think most people can resonate with like a$12,000 bill will create a little bit of stress. And when I opened that bill and that stress hit my body, I stepped back and I said, Hold it, hold up a second, because I know I'm experiencing something right now. And all these like thoughts, be beliefs started to creep in. And I consciously was able to say, No, I'm not getting on the roller coaster. I am not going to ride that wave downward. I'm not gonna spiral. I'm not gonna go into this feeling of like, crap, we don't have enough. The scarcity, the the uh fear of the future and the unknown. I was able to tell myself, okay, I know that this is stressful and that$12,000 feels like a lot right now. But what do I also know? I also know that I have been able to handle every single money problem leading up to right now. I also know that I have a roof over my head. I also know that I have a career and a job that brings in money. And whether or not this bill feels heavy right now, in six months, is it gonna feel as heavy as it does? In six years, is it gonna feel as heavy as it does? And just that knowing of like, no, I can get through this because I know how to show up for my money and I know how to control my money. Money doesn't control me. This is a place, the confident money mom is a place where money is no longer a source of stress. The confident money mom has learned how to manage what you make. You know how to do the numbers. You've been able to eliminate all the financial leaks that may be there. You stopped overspending in the places that don't align with your goals. And you feel very confident that all the money that is coming into your bank account has a goal. It has a place to go. But you've also been able to build up enough savings and investments so that you have security, right? Because if you're always working in chaos mode with money, there's no security there. We need to have that foundational security with the budget, with knowing where the money is and being able to have enough money at the end of the month. That's super important. I'm I don't want to discount that. But we've also been able to do the deeper work where we can change the mindset, where we can stop letting fear, stress, or the limiting beliefs dictate your financial future. This is where I want everyone to be. This is my goal, and this is the work that I am here to do on this earth is help people feel confident with money, feel less stressed, and experience money differently so that it doesn't run their life, their marriage, their parenting, their friendships. And if you step back right now, I bet you could evaluate one area of your life that money is running the show. Not intentionally, unconsciously, but it is. And sometimes all it takes is bringing that awareness to consciousness and knowing that there is a path forward, there is a solution. So if this resonated with you, and if you feel like you are one of these money personalities, or you're all of them, or you resonate with the idea that budgeting doesn't always work and that you're stuck in this idea that if you just budget, then things would be better. I'm here to tell you that that's not actually the case. If you are ready to do the work, if you're ready to see the results, if you're ready to show up differently, I want to invite you to join us inside the Money Mom Club. The Money Mom Club is your one-stop shop for everything when it comes to money. We help you do the budgeting, we help you track the numbers, we help you save$600 a month on groceries. We also teach you how to bring in extra income if that is something you want to focus on. We teach you how to invest your money for future wealth. We teach you how to evaluate your money relationship and change that money relationship so that you can show up differently. We do all of the work. It is an amazing community of women, over 1,300 women who are doing the work with us. We have live calls to help coach you through whatever problems you're having. We keep our monthly memberships so low because we want to help people. We want this to be the right people. We want to call in the women that feel called to do this work and are ready for deep transformation. This isn't something you probably should sign up for if you just want a month of like meal plans. This is something where you want to do the deeper work. You can sign up for a couple months, you can sign up annually if you want to save even more. But the great thing about our community is you can join for a couple months and you can cancel at any time. We do not, you don't have to sign a contract, you're not stuck to this, but we want you to see how how empowering this can be for you and how confident you can feel with money when you start to save money and make money and feel better about it. It's just the the whole trifecta. We've had women, in fact, just this past week, we've had two women post in our Facebook community that they've been able to pay off their debt once they join the Money Mom Club because they had the resources, because they had the coaching, because they had all the things that they need. So if you would like to join us, we will put the link in the show notes for you to join us. And if you have any questions, reach out to me. I'm here and happy to help you. So hopefully I see you inside. And if not, I'll see you next week as well here, same place, same time.