The Money Mom Podcast

93: Impulse Buying Isn’t the Problem (This Is)

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In this episode of The Money Mom Podcast, we’re breaking down one of the most misunderstood money behaviors: impulse spending. If you’ve ever told yourself you just need “more discipline,” this conversation is going to change everything.

Instead of shaming habits like Target runs, late-night TikTok shopping, or drive-through treats, we’re getting to the real root of why impulse purchases happen in the first place. Spoiler: it has nothing to do with budgeting better... and everything to do with unmet emotional needs.

You’ll learn why traditional financial advice gets this wrong, how impulse spending actually works in your brain, and what to do instead, without guilt, restriction, or deprivation.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why “just stop impulse buying” is terrible financial advice
  • The emotional reason impulse spending feels so good (and why it never lasts)
  • The 7 emotional needs that most impulse purchases are really trying to meet
  • How stress, boredom, deprivation, identity, control, and connection show up in your spending
  • Why awareness, not restriction, is the first step to lasting change
  • How to start budgeting for your emotional needs instead of fighting them

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or frustrated by your spending habits, this episode will help you feel seen, and give you a completely new lens for understanding your relationship with money.

Because your impulse buys aren’t random.
 And once you understand what’s underneath them, everything changes.

🎧 Listen in, and if this episode resonates, don’t forget to leave a review, it helps us keep creating deeper, more meaningful conversations about money.

xoxo,
Rachel

Where to find me:
Instagram: @heyrachelcoons

Join me for my free training to cut your grocery bill by $600 every month: Register HERE

SPEAKER_00:

Today we're gonna talk about something that I think is gonna shift how you feel about you and your spending forever. We're gonna unpack what impulse buys are and how it affects you, but not in the way that you think. Because here's the thing most financial advice tells you to just stop the impulse buying. Don't buy the latte, skip the target runs, just have more willpower. But that advice is quite frankly garbage. And I am going to tell you why. Because impulse buys aren't actually about the item that you're buying, they're about the emotional need you are trying to fill with that purchase. And until you understand what need you're trying to fill, you're gonna keep impulse buying no matter how many budgets or spreadsheets you create. So today we're gonna break down what's really happening when you impulse buy, help you identify the emotional triggers behind the purchase, and then show you how to budget for those needs without guilt. So stay tuned. Welcome to the Money Mom Podcast, the show where we empower moms to take control of their finances, break free from money stress, and build a life of freedom, confidence, and abundance for their families. I'm your host, Rachel Coons, mom, money mentor, and your personal cheerleader on this journey. Whether you're here to save money, pay off debt, or dream bigger for your family's future, you're in the right place. Here, we believe that being a mom is already a full-time job. But your role in shaping your family's financial success is just as important. And the best part, you don't need to sacrifice everything to start winning with money. Let's get started. This is the Money Mom Podcast. Hello and welcome back to the Money Mom Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Coons. We are almost hitting 100 episodes. I think this episode is going to be our 93rd episode. And when I started this podcast almost two years ago, I didn't know how long I would stick with it. Honestly, I gave myself six months to try it out and see how it went. And I found a deep love for podcasting and for this long form type of content because I've been doing social media for a long time. I've been on TikTok and Instagram. And while those have fun parts about them, I never was able to really jump into the deeper work that I wanted to do. It's like B-roll content. You get like 10 seconds to captivate your audience, or you like get one story slide where you share everything that you possibly can. And I felt this need to express more, a more in-depth approach of how I help people and what we do inside the Money Mom Club. And so I decided, okay, I'm gonna start the podcast so I can have this longer form video. And it's a whole journey, and we could talk a whole episode about what this journey has looked like for me. But really deep down, I am so glad I started it and I'm so glad that you're here listening. I don't really care about the download number. I don't really care about if the podcast is growing. That doesn't really matter to me. What I care about is that there's a space for me to share more of the deeper work that we're doing. And I know the people that are listening because I get messages. I get the messages from you, and I know that this is shifting how you feel about money. This is changing, giving you tactical tips and changing your money story and your money relationship. And so it makes me so proud and it gives me the motivation to keep going. Now, here's where you come in and what I want to do for a hundredth episode. Obviously, we've talked about a lot of different topics here on the Money Mom podcast. But for a hundredth episode, I want to do something special and I want to do a really big, like, listener giveaway by that point. I'm not sure how this is gonna look, but if there is anything you can think of or any ideas you have, any topics you want to hear about for that special 100th episode, feel free to reach out to me, DM me on Instagram or TikTok. I'd love to hear any thoughts you have on that. We're gonna keep chugging along here, but that is coming up, and I hope you'll get excited and hopefully you'll enter the giveaway because I want to give away some pretty sweet prizes around that 100th episode. Okay, but let's get back into starting with overbuying, overspending, impulse buys, what this looks like. You're at Target, maybe you went in for a roll of toilet paper, and then you end up grabbing an extra candle, or there's a cute shirt that you found, and you end up leaving with$100 or$150 or$200 worth of stuff you didn't plan to buy. Or maybe you're scrolling Instagram or TikTok. I find TikTok is the most dangerous place to be at 10 p.m. at night, and then suddenly you're checking out with a new outfit or a new device that TikTok shop is sharing with something that you don't necessarily need. Or you're driving in the car and you stop at Starbucks or McDonald's in my case for a Diet Coke or coffee, even though you have coffee at home or a can of Diet Coke at home because you deserve a treat. And any of this sounds familiar, most people would look at that and say, it's just because I have no self-control in the moment, or I'm just not great with my money. I'm not good with budgeting. But that's actually not what's happening here. What's happening in this moment is that you have an emotional need that isn't being met, and you're using spending to put a band-aid on that emotional need. So let me say that again. When you overspend, or when you impulse purchase, or when you buy things that you don't actually need, but there's like a dopamine hit. There's something exciting about swiping that credit card. There's a deeper emotional need that isn't being met here. And chances are you are using the spending, the swiping the credit card to try and fill the need. And here's the even deeper kicker here is that it's not even conscious most of the time. I'm willing to bet that when you go on a shopping spree at Target, you're not thinking to yourself. I had a really hard day and I had an argument with my husband this morning, and my kids were just terrors this afternoon. So I'm using this experience right now to help me feel better about what happened today. That's not what's happening in your brain. Your brain is literally thinking, I feel bad, so I'm going to do whatever I can to feel better. And a really easy, quick win, a way to feel better really fast is to go buy something. Because your brain has been taught that is an easy way to combat the negative feeling that you have. And this is deeply about understanding yourself and understanding what's really happening in the moment so you can do something about this. A lot of the work that I do is about tapping into those unconscious thoughts, beliefs, actions, things that are going on beneath the surface that you don't even see and bringing awareness to it. So that way, yeah, sometimes I do drive through that McDonald's drive-thru because I just need something to help me feel better in the moment. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's because I'm aware and I can know, okay, I am doing this because in fact, this happened to me this morning, you guys. I took my daughter to school. She has a really, she's having a hard time with anxiety at the moment, a separation anxiety, especially when it comes to school. She was in tears. I was in tears working with the team at the elementary school. Like, I'm not kidding. There were five people trying to get her outside the car, getting her into the classroom. And I was an emotional wreck because of it. I came home, I cried it out, and I said, What can I do for myself today that is going to help me feel better? I took a walk, I did the things that I know are really important. And then by lunchtime, I was like, I've had a hard morning, and I'm gonna go buy a$2 Diet Coke from McDonald's, and it's gonna help me feel a little bit better. And guess what? It totally did. But I don't characterize that as impulse spending. And literally a$2 impulse spend is nothing we're gonna worry about, right? In in this day and age. We're not gonna worry about spending$2 on something. But it was very aware and I was very cognitive. Okay, I have done everything to help myself feel better and really tried to rewrite the story that I'm feeling right now. And this is just one of those extra things that I can treat myself to, and I know that I'm doing it. I know I'm emotional right now, but it really did help me feel better in the moment. And there's again, nothing wrong with that as long as it's conscious, as long as it's like, this is what's happening. I can name the emotion, I can name what I'm experiencing, and I can name the impulse purchase. So piggybacking off that, I want to help you name and become aware of the seven emotional needs that I see behind impulse buying. And I want you to listen to each of these and see which one resonates with you or see which one feels like, yeah, these are my one or two go-to emotions that trigger my spending. The first one is relief from this is what I experienced this morning. I've had a hard day, I deserve this purchase. You're overwhelmed, you're exhausted, you are touched out from the kids, you had a really hard morning, and your brain says to you, buying this will make you feel better. And I'm not gonna deny the fact that it probably will make you feel better. It's the Starbucks run, maybe it's the Amazon orders late at night, maybe it's the trip to Target where you just wander the aisles aimlessly. Isn't that like a mom's favorite thing? The emotional need that you have here is that you're tapped out. You need a break, you need relief, you need to feel like you have control over something. And what you're really craving in this moment is rest, space, and a moment to yourself. I think it would feel even good for you instead of walking the aisles at Target, probably going for a walk or going and sitting in a hot tub somewhere would probably feel like you would hit that emotional need better, but instead you're using the spending, you're using that experience to help cover that wound. Number two, another need that we see is escape from boredom. This is the I'm scrolling TikTok, I'm scrolling Instagram, and then suddenly I'm shopping for whatever the heck it is that we see on those sites. It's usually because you're bored, you're overstimulated, and you want something to do. And shopping gives you that little hit of dopamine, that feeling like you're doing something, even though you are purchasing without needing to. The emotional need here is that you need more stimulation. You need something interesting to engage in, to put your mind to. And what you're really craving in those moments is connection, creativity, and something that lights you up. And you are masking that with the dopamine hit of purchasing. Okay, hopefully you're still with me here, and we're gonna jump into number three. The number three emotional need I see is the relief from deprivation. And this is where I have followed my budget perfectly, I've tracked all the numbers, and I deserve this purchase. It's because you've been restricting yourself that you've been saying no to everything and your brain finally says, enough of this, you need to say yes to something. And this is a hard one because a lot of the times budgeting sets you up with a system of deprivation, of restriction. And so when people are trying to budget and then they end up overspending, they're like, but I was doing all the right things. This is like trying to go on a diet and eating perfectly and never allowing yourself to have a treat or never allowing yourself to go out to dinner and eat a like calorie-dense meal. It's not sustainable, is really the problem. And in this situation, you need to feel more abundant. You need to believe that money is flowing from you and flowing back into you. You need to feel like you're not constantly in scarcity mode. And what you're really craving here, and I see this so often, is I just had a conversation with a mom last week where she was like, I want to be able to budget, but I also want to be able to enjoy my life. I want to be able to do the things with my kids that I want to do. I want to live my life. I want freedom. And you can have both. You don't need one or the other. Number four is connection and belonging. And this is the idea that it's like the keeping up with the Joneses, right? Everyone else has the perfect living room furniture, and so I should too. Everyone bought that cute sweatsuit from Lululemon, so I want it too. You see the other moms with the cute water bottle or the trendy outfit or the perfect home decor. Oh my gosh, I could go on and on about this. The these things, and everybody falls into this trap at some point or another, but we get jaded by what real life looks like. And you think if I have that, I'll fit in, or I'll have more friends, or I'll be cooler and I'll feel better about myself. And the emotional need that you're really feeling here is you just want to feel seen, heard, understood, belonging. You want to be in the cool kids' club, you know, that feeling never goes away from high school. It's still in us. And we just need, we want to be able to feel connected to other people. And what you're really craving here is community, acceptance, connection. That none of those things actually require you to purchase an item. Number five, we're I'm trying to like shotgun through here. I know I'm going fast, but I want to keep you with me. Number five is control. And this is the my life is chaotic. I see this a lot with people who are going through divorces or custody battles or thing where there's lots of external noise in your life. My life is out of control. And so I can control this one thing. I can control buying this item. Everything feels out of control. The kids, the house, your schedule, whatever it is, but you feel like you can control when you purchase something. And this emotional need stems from the need to feel like you have agency, the need to feel like you can make wise decisions, good decisions in your life. And really what you're craving, the deeper level of this, is you're craving order, you're craving predictability. You're creating some type of foundation where you can fall back on and a sense that you are steering the own ship and you are living your life in the driver's seat. Number six, identity and self-expression. This is a, I'm trying to express myself and be who I want to be purchase. You buy the workout clothes because maybe you want to be the person that works out. You buy the car that is really nice and fancy because you want to be the mom who pulls up in carpool with the sexy new car. Or you buy the fancy planner because you want to be the organized person. You buy the budgeting apps and the spreadsheets and all those things because you want to be that person. And again, nothing wrong with this, but you have to become that person first before we think that the purchasing is going to make you become that person because no spreadsheet is going to make you become a budgeter if you don't become that person first. The emotional need that we see here is you need to feel like you're becoming or you're stepping into who you want to be, not the other way around, not letting the purchase follow the being. And what you're really craving here is growth, evolution, change, like showing up on the outside how you feel on the inside. So you need the permission to be the version of yourself that you're actually working towards. And then the last one, number seven, one of my favorite ones, is the love and care purchases. These are really deeply rooted in noble intent, where I love my kids. And so, of course, I'm gonna buy them 10 presents for their birthday. Or I love my partner, and so Valentine's Day is coming up. So I'm gonna get us a really nice night out on the town where we just blow our budget on things like that. This is you wanting to show love. It's wanting to show that you provide and you wanna be that good mom, that good partner, that good friend, whatever it is. And buying things is a way to show that. This emotional need is basically you just want to be able to take care of the people you love. And truthfully, money doesn't buy connection. It never will. Quality time buys connection. Connection buys connection, presence with people you love, showing up for the people you love. No number of gifts is going to show the people you love them that you love them more than quality time, more than a special note to the person you love, or just giving of things that don't involve money. And if your love language is giving gifts, I'm gonna challenge you to look at gift giving in a way that doesn't require you to blow your budget. As long as it's an awareness, as long as it's conscious, there's nothing wrong with spending money on a gift, but it just needs to make sure that you're not masking or using this emotional need to justify the overspending. Okay, so now that we've gone through the seven, I'm gonna recap them. One is relief from stress, two, escape from boredom, three, deprivation, relief from all the deprivation that you've been feeling. Four is connection and belonging or the need to fit in. Five is control, six is that identity and self-expression, and seven is love and care for the people you care for. So I want you to think about which one resonated the most with you or which one you feel maybe creeps in the most. It could be one, it could be three of those things. But the point is that I'm trying to make here is that your impulse buys, they're not random. They are stemming from something deeper. They're stemming from a legitimate emotional need that you have. And here's what we need to understand is that the need is real. The need is real. These are not fake needs that you have, but the solution that you've been masking that need with is ineffective. So if you're sick one day and you go to the doctor with a sore throat and you tell the doctor, okay, I have a terribly sore throat. I don't feel well, I'm running a fever. And the doctor says, okay, we're gonna just fix the sore throat by giving you throat lozenges, but what you really have is strep throat and you need an antibiotic to fix the strep throat. We're not gonna fix the strep throat by just fixing the symptom. We can't fix the underlying issues with your overspending if we don't focus on the root cause, the strep throat. Because the truth is that impulse buying is going to give you a temporary relief. That's why it works, is it because it gives you that temporary relief, but it doesn't actually fill the need. It doesn't actually give you the antibiotic. You're still gonna be stressed, you're still gonna be bored, you're still gonna feel deprived, and still have less money now. So now that we have identified the emotional triggers, I want you to try and see where this creeps up in your life and where you are using these emotional needs to then impulse spend, overspend, and swipe your credit card when you weren't planning on doing that. And I promise, like I said at the beginning, if you can bring those unacconscious triggers to consciousness, awareness is the first step to change. And hopefully this episode gave you some ways to really become aware and make those changes that are necessary. Okay, that's all I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, feel free to leave us a review. We would love to see how you're feeling about the podcast, what you like about it. And it really helps us know that we are on the right direction with our content. Okay, you guys are awesome. Have a wonderful week, and I'll see you in the next episode.

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Rachel Coons

Host