95: Why You Keep Self-Sabotaging Your Money (And How to Stop)

Have you ever made real progress with your money... only to turn around and undo it? You finally get groceries under control… then spend $300 at Target. You pay off a credit card… and rack it right back up. You save money… and suddenly it’s gone.

It feels like bad luck or bad timing, but it’s not. It’s self-sabotage.

In this episode of the Money Mom Podcast, Rachel breaks down what’s actually happening in your brain when you sabotage your financial progress, why it keeps happening (even when you’re doing “everything right”), and how your subconscious beliefs around money are quietly running the show.

You’ll learn:

• What financial self-sabotage really is (and what it isn’t)
• Why progress with money can feel unsafe to your brain
• How childhood experiences and learned beliefs impact your spending today
• Real-life examples of self-sabotage with groceries, savings, debt, and income
• The 5 steps to start rewriting your subconscious money patterns
• How to stop the cycle without shame, guilt, or perfectionism

If you’ve ever thought “Why do I keep doing this?” or “What’s wrong with me?” — this episode will change the way you see yourself and your money.

You’re not bad with money. You’re not broken. You just have old programming—and now you can change it.

🎧 Tune in and let’s break the cycle together.

xoxo,
Rachel

Where to find me:
Instagram: @heyrachelcoons

Join me for my free training to cut your grocery bill by $600 every month: Register HERE

Transcript

Naming Money Self-Sabotage

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Have you ever noticed that when you start making progress with your money, something happens and then you blow it all? You finally get your grocery spending under control and then you go to Target and you spend$300 on stuff you don't need. Or you pay off a credit card and then you immediately rack it back up. Or you save$1,000 and then suddenly your car breaks down and you convince yourself you deserve a treat and you spend it all. You think it's bad luck or bad timing, but it's not. It's self-sabotage. And today we're gonna talk about what's actually happening in your brain when you do this, why it keeps happening, and most importantly, what to do about it so you can finally break the cycle. So stay tuned.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Welcome to the Money Mom Podcast, the show where we empower moms to take control of their finances, break free from money stress, and build a life of freedom, confidence, and abundance for their families. I'm your host, Rachel Koons, mom, money mentor, and your personal cheerleader on this journey. Whether you're here to save money, pay off debt, or dream bigger for your family's future, you're in the right place. Here, we believe that being a mom is already a full-time job. But your role in shaping your family's financial success is just as important. And the best part, you don't need to sacrifice everything to start winning with money. Let's get started. This is the Money Mom Podcast.

What Self-Sabotage Really Is

How The Subconscious Drives Behavior

Scarcity Programming And Safety

Real-Life Sabotage Examples

Identity, Lifestyle Creep, And Debt

Old Money Conflicts And Triggers

Five Steps To Rewrite Beliefs

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Money Mom Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Koons. And today's episode was inspired by a little conversation I had inside our Facebook community in the Money Mom Club with a member who had made really good strides in one area of her budget. And she found herself ruining the budget in other areas. And so she asked, What is going on and why does this keep happening? And what should I do about it? And I said, Listen, this is something I really want to address with you, but it's gonna require more than just like an easy comment on Facebook. And so I'm gonna do a whole podcast episode about this. So this is for that one member, but also for all of you because it's something I think happens to a lot of moms. And until we start to recognize the triggers and we recognize what's going on, then we can start to change the behavior. So let's talk a little bit about self-sabotage because you might not know what it is or what it looks like. Self-sabotage is when we have goals and we are making progress on those goals, and then nothing externally happens, but we end up changing our behaviors, our actions to make it so that those goals stop happening or we're stop making progress on those goals. It looks like, okay, I'm gonna go to the gym every single day. I'm gonna eat healthy, I'm gonna do all the things I wanna do in order to lose weight. And then a week later, we find ourselves making excuses on why we can't go to the gym or why we should, you know, eat the food that we're not supposed to eat. We self-sabotage those goals even when we're making progress. And when it comes to you and your money, self-sabotage isn't about being lazy or undisciplined or even bad with money. It's literally your subconscious mind, which again, it's not something you actually know is happening, but your subconscious mind is trying to protect you from something it perceives as a threat. And I know that literally sounds crazy because you're like, money is not a threat in my life. I don't know why I would ever think it is a threat. But if you're self-sabotaging, your subconscious doesn't operate on logic, it operates on automation and survival. And what most people don't realize is that your subconscious mind is actually driving 90% of the actions and things you do in a day. It's not conscious. And so if we are self-sabotaging with money, it might be because your subconscious mind has spent your entire life automating beliefs based on your experiences, what you were told from your caregivers, what you saw in your life growing up, and what actually feels familiar to you. And when you are starting to change your behavior around money, or you're starting to set money goals, you're starting to pay off debt, you're operating outside of what's familiar to you, what your normal subconscious mind is used to. And new things our subconscious mind views as threats, as dangerous. It's what's keeping us alive. And so anytime we try to implement something new, your subconscious mind is gonna be like, hold up, this is new, danger, threat. So what does it do? It creates fear, anxiety, or discomfort to get you to go back to what's familiar. It makes you feel like you're depriving yourself, it makes you feel like you deserve a reward. It makes you feel like one splurge won't actually hurt. It's okay. And before you know it, you're right back where you started. Think about it like this: if I grew up in a household where there was never enough money, your subconscious, automated belief is that scarcity is normal. So when you start to save money, when you start to feel like you have money in your bank account and you're building wealth, your subconscious mind literally goes into panic mode because this doesn't feel normal. It's not what you're used to. It doesn't feel safe. And it will literally create situations or thoughts that cause you to go spend money so you can go back to what feels familiar to you, which is scarcity. So let me give you some examples of what this actually looks like in real life because I can guarantee you've probably done these at least once. And I am speaking from experience here. So the first example is you work really hard to get your grocery spending under control. You meal plan, you follow the shop method, you stick to a list, you save$200 in a month, and then you think, I've been so good, I deserve something special. So you take the money that you saved on groceries and you go to Target and you spend$300 on home decor or candles or new clothes that you don't actually need. And in that moment, you just undid all the progress that you made in the grocery area, and then some. You spent more than what you saved on groceries. But in your mind, you earned it. What's actually happening is your subconscious is uncomfortable with the discipline and the restriction that you've been practicing in the grocery area. That doesn't feel normal to you. So it convinces you that you deserve a reward to get you back to those old spending patterns that you used to have. Example number two, you starting to build an emergency fund and you finally save$1,000 in your emergency fund and you're so proud of that money. And then your car breaks down, or your kid needs something for a sport that they're participating in, or something comes up that requires you to spend money and you think it's just bad luck. I always have bad luck with money. But here's the thing: emergencies happen all the time. The difference is when you have money saved, you notice the emergencies more. Your brain is hyper-aware of when an emergency happens. And sometimes, subconsciously, you're even looking for reasons to spend the money to prove to your brain that money saved feels uncomfortable or that it will never last. And what's actually happening here is your subconscious is not used to having a cushion. Your brain is not used to having money saved away. It's used to living paycheck to paycheck and not having extra money saved at. So it either creates anxiety around having the money or it causes you to notice every possible thing that could be considered an emergency. So you have a reason to spend it. Example number three, you pay off a credit card and you're so excited about getting out of credit card debt. And then within a month or two, the balance has risen back up. Or you get a raise at work, and instead of saving that extra money, you increase your spending to match your new income. This is what we call lifestyle creep, but it's also a form of self-sabotage. Because what's actually happening is your subconscious has an identity around how much money you're supposed to have or how much debt you're supposed to carry because it's what you've been doing in the past. And when you step outside of that identity, it feels wrong. So when you have more money, you're not used to holding on to that more money. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna spend it. It's causing you to make decisions that bring you back to what feels normal. And I hope you're listening to this and resonating and say, yeah, I can see that I'm potentially doing this in certain areas of my life. But here's the thing: your subconscious mind is actually not trying to ruin your life. It's just there to protect you. And it just doesn't know the difference between real danger, like a lion chasing you down the street, or perceived danger. And here's what I mean by that. Let's say growing up, your parents fought about money constantly. Your subconscious mind, it's not conscious, automated that money causes conflict. So now, as an adult, when you start making progress with money, your subconscious goes, wait, this is dangerous. Money causes conflict, and you don't want conflict in your life, so we need to get rid of this. And it creates anxiety or fear or discomfort that causes you to self-sabotage your progress. The point is, your subconscious is operating on old programming and you don't even know it. And until you become aware of that programming that is literally running your life and start to question it, it's going to continue running your life. Okay, so now that we understand why self-sabotaging is happening, how do we actually stop it? So I'm gonna give you the steps, and there are five steps that I would take in order to rewrite the subconscious. Obviously, this is massive work that needs to be done. It's not something that you can just like listen to a podcast do and be like, okay, perfect, I got it. It takes time and work and effort. But I'm gonna give you these steps now so you can start to do the work. Okay, step number one is to become aware. You cannot change what you're not aware of. So start paying attention to your patterns. And everyone has different money patterns, but start paying attention to yours. When do you self-sabotage? Why do you self-sabotage? And what is triggering that action? What were you thinking or feeling right before you made the decision to spend money you didn't plan to spend? And once you bring that to consciousness, write it down, journal it out, put the pen to paper and get curious about it instead of beating yourself up or shaming yourself. We're not about that. Just curiosity. Why did that happen? Why did I go to Target and spent$300? What was what was I actually feeling in the moment? And what was I conscious of and what was I unconscious of? So really get curious about that. That's step number one. Step number two is then to question the belief. Once we get curious, we can start to question. Once you identified, ask yourself, what is the underlying belief that is driving me to feel that way? Do you believe maybe that you don't deserve to have money? Do you believe having money is dangerous, or that money is evil, or that people who have money are bad people? Do you believe, and it's really hard to kind of uncover these beliefs on your own? That's why a coach is really important. But do you believe you're supposed to struggle with money? That's just part of who you are. Or do you believe that you have to reward yourself with good behavior? And then ask yourself, is that actually true? Maybe my subconscious has been running the show, and it's time for me to bring my conscious brain into the show as well and question where did that belief come from? Why was I raised thinking that? Is it serving me or is it just keeping me stuck where I am and safe? And then number three, once we can identify the belief, then we can reframe it. We can literally change our beliefs by reframing it. Because once you've identified the belief and you've questioned it, you need to give your subconscious a new belief system to operate from. For example, an old belief is I don't deserve to have money saved in the bank account. You could reframe that to I am safe and secure when I have money to spend. Having money gives me options and freedom. Another old belief you could have is that I always struggle with money. Money's always been hard, and that's just my life. That's just how it goes. A new belief is I used to struggle with money, but I'm learning new skills and creating new patterns. And I'm becoming someone, learning how to become someone who manages money well. And then once we've reframed those beliefs, step four is to create new patterns around that belief. Because you could believe something all day, but until you turn it into action, nothing will change. Your subconscious learns through repetition. So you have to practice the new belief and the new behavior and make the uncomfortable comfortable. That new behavior has to happen over and over and over again until it becomes your new normal. That means that when you feel the urge to sabotage, you pause. You recognize what's happening, you stop the action, you remind yourself of the new belief, and then you make a new choice. And you do it over and over and over again. And it's not gonna feel comfortable at first. It's literally your brain keeping you safe. It is going to fight you on it. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. And then step number five is you don't have to do this alone. Get the support you need. Talk to someone, hire a coach, join a community like the Money Mom Club. Because when you're in the middle of a self-sabotage or beliefs that are not serving you, it's really hard to see it clearly. And having someone else work you through it or point out and help you work through this process is incredibly valuable. And as someone who has really gotten deep into my own beliefs the past five years, I can tell you that it has taken an external source to point out my shadows, to point out the areas that I don't see that I'm doing and self-sabotaging in my life. And it has taken me hiring a coach to say, Rachel, why is this happening? These are patterns and you're continuing to do this. Let's rewrite it and reframe it and create new beliefs and new actions. I want you to remember something. Self-sabotage is not a character flaw. It's not you being weak or undisciplined. It's you being a human. It's your subconscious trying to keep you safe by keeping you what's familiar. But familiar isn't always good. And just because something feels uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's wrong. The next time you find yourself sabotaging your progress, don't beat yourself up. Get curious, become aware, and ask yourself what is driving this belief? Question it, reframe it, and then make a different choice. Because you're not broken, you're not bad with money. What's happening in your life right now isn't what's gonna happen in a year. You just have old programming running in the background. And now that you're aware of it, you can change it. If this was helpful, let me know. And I will see you in the next episode.