115: Pay Off Debt Without Budgeting

You know you're supposed to pay off the high-interest debt first. You know you should stop putting things on the credit card. You know you should spend less than you earn.

So why are you still stuck?

In this episode, I'm getting honest about the real reason so many women stay in debt even when they have all the information they need. And I promise you, the answer has nothing to do with money.

We cover:

• Why the gap between knowing and doing is where debt actually lives
• The cycle of financial avoidance that keeps so many moms spinning in place
• Why emotional spending is a coping mechanism, not a character flaw
• The Triangle of Change framework and why real financial transformation has to start at the top
• What it actually means to become the woman who gets out of debt before the debt is even paid off
• Why behavior change alone will never stick without addressing what's underneath it

If you've ever watched a video, made a plan, felt motivated, and then found yourself right back where you started two weeks later, this episode is going to explain exactly why that keeps happening.

You don't need another strategy. You need to understand what's actually running the show.

🎧 Press play. This one might just be the thing that finally makes everything click.

xoxo,
Rachel
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Transcript

Why Debt Keeps Coming Back

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You already know what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to pay off the high interest debt first. You're supposed to stop putting things on your credit card. You're supposed to build your emergency fund and you're supposed to spend less than you earn. You know this. So why are you still in debt? That's the question that nobody wants to answer, honestly. Because the honest answer isn't about money at all. And that's exactly what we're going to talk about today. Because knowing what to do and actually doing it, those are two completely different things. And the gap between knowledge and action is where most people live. That's where the debt lives. So stay with me because by the end of this video, you're going to be able to understand why you haven't been able to close that gap. And more importantly, what it actually takes to change and pay off the debt. Let me ask you something.

Information Isn’t The Problem

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Have you ever Googled how to pay off debt faster? Have you ever watched a video like this one, taken notes, you felt motivated, maybe even you made a plan, and then two weeks later, you were right back where you started. Because the truth is, most women that I've worked with have been in that exact same position. And here's the thing about information. We live in the most information-rich era in human history. You can literally Google or chat GPT anything. You can watch anything. You can learn anything in 20 minutes on YouTube. And yet, debt is at record high numbers. Financial anxiety is everywhere. So clearly, the problem is that you don't know enough. The problem is the gap between knowing and actually doing. And I'm gonna be real with you. Closing the gap is not about finding the right budget or the right app or the right spreadsheet. It's about understanding what's actually stopping you. Because I'd be willing to bet it's not that you're lazy, it's not that you don't care. And it's definitely not that you're just bad with money. It's something much deeper

Financial Avoidance And Anxiety Loop

SPEAKER_00 2:16

than that. Here's what I see happen over and over again. Someone decides they're gonna get serious about their debt. So they sit down, they open their bank account, and they're ready. And then they close the app. Not because the numbers were confusing, but because at how looking at the numbers made them feel. It made them feel terrible. There's a word for that, and it's called financial avoidance. And it's incredibly common, especially for women who feel like they should have it all together by now. The anxiety of seeing where you actually are creates so much discomfort that your brain does the only logical thing it knows how to do and it avoids it. And then, this is the part nobody talks about, the avoidance actually creates more anxiety, which creates more avoidance. And then that cycle that you're in just keeps spinning. And somewhere in the middle of that cycle, you go buy something. Not because you're irresponsible, but because buying something feels good in the moment. It's a type of release, it's a little bit of control in a world that feels financially out of control for you. Emotional spending isn't a character flaw, it's a coping mechanism. But here's the hard truth that coping mechanism is the very thing that is keeping you stuck. You know what to do. But the anxiety makes it hard to look. And when you can't look, you can't act. And when you can't act, you spend to feel better. And then you have more debt. The number keeps rising. Round and round that cycle goes. So the question isn't what's the best debt payoff strategy? The question is, why can't I make myself do the thing I already know I should do? And the answer to that question is where everything will change for you.

Free Training Invitation

SPEAKER_00 4:14

And if this is already hitting close to home, I want to make sure you know about my free training that's called Why Budgets Don't Work for Your Money and What Actually Does. It takes you through exactly why traditional approaches for money haven't worked and what to do instead. The link is in the description below. Okay, so let's keep going.

The Triangle Of Change Framework

SPEAKER_00 4:33

I want to introduce you to something that I use a lot with my clients, and it's called the Triangle of Change. It's a framework built on behavioral psychology and explains why change is hard and more importantly, where real change actually has to start. I want you to picture a triangle. So let's start at the bottom. The bottom rung is your environment. And I don't just mean your surroundings, I mean the reality that you are living in, the actual number on your credit card statement, the bank balance that doesn't stretch far enough, or how much money you're making and how much money you are spending every month. Environment, it is what is true for your money situation right now. The concrete, measurable facts of your financial life. And for a lot of women, this layer is the hardest to even look at because it's uncomfortable and sometimes it feels like the evidence of your failure. But here's the thing: your environment isn't a verdict on who you are, it is just data. It's just the starting point, it's not the destination. The problem is that most people try to change their environment directly. Like when they say, I just need to make more money, or I just need to pay this one credit card off, and then I'll be fine. But if nothing above environment in our triangle changes, the environment will just recreate itself because the behaviors, the beliefs, the identities underneath it, they're all still the same. That's why people pay off a credit card and then it will be maxed out again within a year because all they did was respond to the environment without responding to the deeper layers. Above environment is behavior. Now, the behavior is what you actually do, the choices that you make day in and day out. And this is where most advice lives where you say, do this, stop doing this. Here's your five-step plan. And again, behavior does matter. It actually changes your situation. But behavior follows the deeper layers that we're living into. If the deeper stuff like your beliefs and identities aren't addressed, behavior change is just willpower. And I don't know about you, but as a busy mom, my willpower will run out every single time. You cannot willpower your way out of a belief system, out of a belief system. Above behavior is capabilities. Now, these are your skills. This is your knowledge. This is knowing how to do the thing. This is where most finance content lives. Here's the debt avalanche method. Here's the snowball method. Here's how to build a budget. Here's how to invest. And we've already established that you could figure out most of this. You can watch the videos, you can read the articles, you can Google the questions. Knowledge is not your problem. Capability is rarely the gap. And then if we actually want to change your beliefs, if we actually want to change your environment, your behaviors, and your capabilities, we have to go to the top. That's where your beliefs and identities are. This is where it gets real. And this is counterintuitively where change has to start because it's what drives everything else. What you believe about money shapes what you think you're capable of. What you think you're capable of will shape your behavior. And your behavior actually shapes your environment. It flows downward always. So if you believe deep down that you are just bad with money, your behavior is going to confirm that. Now, here's the thing that most people get wrong. When we decide we want to change, we go straight to environment and behavior, where you say, in order for me to get out of debt, which is your environment, you're currently in debt, your behavior change is going to be, I'm going to stop using my credit card, or I'm going to check my account every Sunday, or I'm going to pay an extra $200 towards debt this month. That's the behavior. And that's actually usually our default. And it works for a couple weeks, maybe for a couple weeks, maybe even a month, if you're really motivated. But then life is going to happen. You have a stressful week, you get tired, you fall off, and you end up right back where you started, feeling worse than before. And because now you have the guilt and the shame of failure on top of the debt. Here's why. And this is the whole insight of this video. Behavior change is temporary unless you go higher up the triangle to figure out what's underneath it. If part of your identity is the one who makes good money but never can seem to get ahead, your brain is going to keep creating evidence to support that story. This isn't just about being positive or saying affirmations in the mirror. This is behavioral neuroscience. Your brain is a pattern completion machine. It finds what it is looking for. So if you believe that you're always going to be in debt or you're bad with money, you're going to avoid looking at your bank account. You're going to make emotional decisions. You're going to find reasons the plan won't work, and then use that outcome of whatever happens as proof that you were right. Not because you're self-sabotaging on purpose, because your identity is running the show. And this is why you can know exactly what to do and still not do it. Because your behavior will never consistently outrun your beliefs and identities. Let me say that again. Your behavior will never consistently outrun your idea, your beliefs and identities. So the work, the real work that we have to do, starts at the top of the triangle. It starts with the question: who do I believe I am with money? And then who do I need to become in order to change? Not someday, not after the debt is paid off, right now. Because the women who get themselves out of debt doesn't pay it off and then becomes someone who's just good with money. She decides to be that woman first. And then the behavior will follow. And then the environment

Identity Drives Money Behavior

SPEAKER_00 11:29

will change. So what does this actually look like in real life? Start here, not with your budget, not with your debt payoff calculator. Start with an honest look at what you actually believe about yourself with money. Write it down if you can. Write, I am the type of person who, and then finish that sentence. Whatever comes up, that's your starting point. And then ask yourself, is this actually true? Or is this just a story I inherited about myself or a pattern that I'm repeating and living into? Or was it a belief I formed after a few hard years that I've just never stopped to question? Because most of the beliefs running our financial lives aren't even ours. They came from our parents or our upbringing or our earliest experiences that we had with money. And we've just never stopped to examine them. Once you see the belief, you can start to shift it. Not perfectly, not overnight, but even a small shift in that identity. Saying something like, I am learning to be good with money creates a crack in your old pattern. And that crack is where new behavior will start to grow.

Rewrite The Money Story

SPEAKER_00 12:42

If you're sitting with all of this and thinking, okay, I'm starting to see it, but I don't know how to actually start making that shift, I want to help you with that. I have a free training called Why Budgets Don't Work for Your Money and What Actually Does. It's not about more restriction. It's not about cutting out everything you love. It's about understanding your relationship with money at a deeper level and building a plan that actually fits you. If you're ready to feel in control of your money, not overwhelmed by it or ashamed by it, this training is your next step. The link is in the description. Go watch it. It's free, and it might just be the thing that finally makes everything click.

Next Step And Closing

SPEAKER_00 13:26

I'll see you in the next video.