Ep.60 How People Pleasing and Obsessive Thoughts Are Connected: And How to Rebuild Trust with Nikki Dean

In this episode of FVCK Anxiety, Sari is joined by mindfulness and manifestation coach Nikki Dean for a conversation about anxiety, overthinking, and what it really means to trust yourself again.

They break down how anxiety often builds when you’re living from pressure, comparison, or expectation — instead of listening to what actually feels true for you. Over time, this creates a constant sense of stress, overthinking, and feeling out of alignment.

Sari and Nikki explore how many women have been taught to ignore their intuition, second-guess themselves, and look outside for answers — which only makes anxiety louder.

This episode introduces a different way of relating to anxiety. Not just managing it, but beginning to see it as a signal — something guiding you back to yourself, your truth, and a deeper sense of trust.

They also share how small shifts, like curiosity and awareness, can begin to reconnect you with your intuition — even if it feels unfamiliar or hard to access right now.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or like you don’t trust yourself anymore, this conversation will help you understand why — and where to start.

What You’ll Learn

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  Why anxiety often increases when you’re not being true to yourself 
•  How overthinking and self-doubt disconnect you from your intuition 
•  Why comparison makes anxiety worse and keeps you stuck 
•  The difference between “I am anxious” vs. “I’m feeling anxious” 
•  How anxiety can be a signal pointing you back to yourself 
•  Why curiosity is the first step to rebuilding self-trust 
•  How to create small moments of relief instead of forcing change 

Reflection

Where in your life are you ignoring what feels true for you — and how might that be contributing to your anxiety?

Free Nervous System Reset

If anxiety feels constant or overwhelming, Sari created a free 5-minute Nervous System Reset to help you calm your body and interrupt the anxiety loop in real time.

Work With Sari

If you’re ready to stop living in anxiety and want support in actually changing it, you can book a free discovery call with Sari.

This is a space to talk about what’s been coming up for you and explore what real support could look like.

Connect with Nikki Dean

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Fuck anxiety. It's a battle cry to all the women out there who are so tired of continuing to let anxiety keep them imprisoned in their own lives. If you wake up already exhausted, even after a full night of sleep, you move through your day taking care of everything. The kids, the work, the responsibilities. You show up with a smile, like you have it all together. But underneath it, something doesn't feel right. And no one can really tell. Because you've gotten really good at being the woman who's lying. This podcast is for you. Your anxiety break you to lead you back to your freedom. So stick around because I'm going to share with you tools and stories that get you back. Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Fuck Anxiety. And today we have a very special person in my world joining us, Miss Nikki Dean, the life queen. And she is a mindfulness and manifestation coach. And she has literally become one of my best friends. Um, someone in my life that I can call when I'm stuck, someone when I can call when I want to celebrate something, someone I can call when I need perspective. And she's just has so much goodness, so much wisdom, so much love for the world and what's possible for all of us that it's hard to not be intoxicated by her energy. And so I'm just really excited. We get to like chat and share a conversation. We always have super deep conversations. And one we've been talking about recently has just been the paradigm and the lens in which most of the world sees and experiences life, and the one that we see and experience life. And it's this sort of known and unknown because it's been belief systems that have been like pounded into us for so long. And I'm just really excited to have her here and to have this conversation. So welcome, Nikki.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Thank you, Sari. It's such an honor to be here. And I totally agree wholeheartedly with uh with everything you said, especially about our connection and our friendship. And one thing that I really have been focusing on in my life lately is not just who's there for those deep conversations and who's there when you need a shoulder or you need a boost, because there are lots of those. And I feel really blessed to have lots of those in my life. But the older I get, the more I pay attention to, but who celebrates with you? Who cheers for you when you have your success? Because we kind of talking about paradigms, right? And especially as women, we're so trained to be the nurturers, to be the servers, right? To show up for everybody else and to make sure you're always there for each other. But sometimes we get a little cringy when someone in the circle shows up and is like, let me tell you this great thing that happened. Now, if it's about your family, a health goal, everybody usually celebrates. But if you have maybe a big professional advancement or a monetary advancement, again, sometimes it's received with cringe, like, ooh, don't share that. And I think all of it should be celebrated and all of it should be welcomed. And that's who I want to surround myself with. So I'm so excited to be here and can't wait to see what happens with this conversation because I never know where we're going when we get together. It just expands and expands.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yes. Oh my gosh. And even like just as you say that, you know, what I hear when I hear you say this ability to celebrate, you know, whether it's the big professional things or the monetary gains, just like, you know, yesterday when I called you and I was like, I stepped on a rattlesnake, and the fucker didn't bite me. And the universe told me to not take my dogs and like all of these things. And I just had to call you and be like, this was a huge fucking win today. Um, this was evidence, you know, that I am getting these downloaded messages and like there's not many people that I can call and celebrate that kind of thing with. And you were definitely the first person that I wanted to celebrate that. So I'm really grateful I have a friend that I can call in that way.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

I love that. And listeners, a little backstory. So Sari and I do have some pretty deep conversations and we use each other to check in and to center into ground. And we had had a conversation a couple of days ago where she, I'm gonna out you here, Sari. So I hope that this is okay. But she said, you know, sometimes I really wonder, am I hearing from my guides? Am I hearing their exact guidance? Are those messages coming through? And my response to her was absolutely. I mean, we've had, she's she's provided so much evidence for me to see that in her. And then one day later, she's out and she's listening to her own intuition, who's telling her, don't bring my dogs on this walk. And then even stepping on a rattlesnake and not getting bit, because she asked a question. She asked for some, she asked for clarity from her guides. She said, I want to know that I'm really getting these messages. And so I laughed when she shared that story with me that look how quick you quickly the answer came to you. You are hearing the messages that are for you.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Yeah. And and I think that's um such a big opener and such a big piece to really even just start of you know living in a world, in a reality where this is the norm. This is the thing that's actually happening every day and leading us. And one of the biggest things that I talk to my clients about, and I know that you do too, is choice. Is we always have choice. And, you know, it's hard to see that choice when the lens that you're living through is fear, is judgment, is worry, is comparison, is all of these things. We we don't really know that choice even exists. We are choosing every moment. Um, and I think that even as I open up even more to the fact that I am getting downloads all day, every day. It, you know, I think that we were talking about me holding maybe even a little comparison for myself of what that's supposed to look, feel, or be like for me. And that's why maybe I was thinking that it wasn't happening because it I had stuck it in a box of what that needed to look like. I needed to be, you know, taken over like Esther Hicks or Lee Harris or things in this way. And that's just not the way that I received downloads. And such a beautiful thing that you brought into my life that I've been listening to is the telepathy tapes that have been sharing how all of these autistic children are having these wavelength download experiences in a telepathic realm, but even each of their own experience looks different. And that was really giving me permission for it to look differently for myself. But beyond that, I think it's so important to really just you keep talking about how we're fighting against belief systems. And you shared with me the other day about how Abraham talked about this. Like this is this is something that's been instilled in us for so long to not believe that these occurrences that are inexplainable can happen. But this is actually our norm.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yeah, I mean, it's it it the whole belief system, you know, and and and people don't realize that their beliefs are created by their life experience. And one of one of the best ways to come into awareness of that is to have a conversation with someone who has completely different beliefs than you. And you can have this feeling rise up within you of how can they believe that? And then if you change the tone of that question, you go, Oh, how how do they believe, how did they come to believe in that thing? And then turn it back on yourself. Okay, what do I truly believe in? And so much of my work centers on we have built our a lot of our belief systems on a flawed foundation, and this foundation that says what is real and what is ethereal or spiritual. And, you know, I I find it fascinating per personally that it's um a lot of what I do, which is energy work, which is supported by quantum physics, which is supported by multi-million dollar machinery that science is building to prove what spiritual teachers have been teaching for thousands and thousands of years, is considered woo-woo and energy work. But believing in Jesus and God is not. And to me, it's all the same. Your beliefs are your beliefs. Like, why is one considered weird and out there? And one is, oh, that's mainstream and that's okay. And so, and the point is that it actually doesn't matter. It's an opportunity, it's all an opportunity for you to turn that mirror inwards and say, What do I believe? And what feels like truth to me? Because it's never about trying to give it to convince one person about something else. This came to me. My oldest son is 21 years old. And I remember when he was an infant and I was nursing him, and I'm looking down at him, and I had this thought, a download that said, Well, well, he has free will, and you have free will. So, how does this work? Is this parenting all about me asserting my free will over this other being? Because that's gonna suck. I could see that a mile away, like that can't be. And I didn't have the answer, but I think that's one of the things people mistake about downloads. Sometimes the download is the question, it's the opening of the door, it's the opening of the gate, it's the opening of the portal. And that's where, again, you get to reflect back. And now these beliefs, as we go into our belief systems, right? We don't have to get angry about them. We don't have to get mad at our parents and get frustrated with our coaches and our school teachers and our religious leaders. Again, it's an opportunity for clarity for us to say, wait a minute, that just isn't right. And you brought this up, like this comparison, and that's part of our foundational flaw, right? This idea that we were ever supposed to be compared, but I take that one level further. This idea that we're all supposed to agree, that causes so many problems. Because we're not here to agree with each other, we're here to inspire each other into new ideas, new collaborations, new improvements for our lives. And so, if we can step back from this idea, if you were supposed to be compared to someone else or live the same life as them, well, wouldn't you be a carbon copy? Otherwise, what's the point of being unique? So the same thing with your beliefs, your beliefs get to be unique because only you have walked this life in this body and had these interactions with other people with the world around you that have formed your beliefs. But we get so trained to stick with the hard stuff, put all of your attention on the hard stuff and overcome, overcome stress and struggle. And that the the harder you struggle and the more you stress, the more worthwhile that goal is. And that's the opposite. And again, to me, that's one of the biggest flaws in our foundation is that everything you want lies on the other side of hard work, work, and struggle. But it's like when you are in a state of flow, you feel good, your best ideas come. You work, you work really hard because you can you're so inspired into action.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

And I think, you know, I do think that there is something to say about moving through things that are hard. But I think that even as you shared just about, you know, the friends that you have encountered and things like this, like we don't allow ourselves to celebrate. Right. So even when the things are maybe, and I don't even think hard is a good word, but maybe like caused a little bit of resistance so that we could like have that little spring back to you know, spring forward and and then celebrate it when it does happen. And this society has definitely not created a belief system of celebrating those wins when it was hard. Um, and then, you know, there's a I was on a call the other day, and it's she was talking about a study out of Harvard, actually had research that it said the greatest amount of chronic stress comes from not being true to yourself, being somebody other than who we actually are. And like that to me is the epitome of the fear-based version of myself, the anxiety-ridden version of myself, the controlling version of myself. Like, I was feeling all of that because I was never, I never felt like it was okay to be myself. I was always the outsider or the one who didn't quite fit in. And so I I tried to fit in, and that was the greatest chronic stress I've ever had in my life. And when we're this this mold that society is built that we're supposed to fit in is causing massive anxiety for everyone. And but what we're actually supposed to do is just listen and be led by love, by our guides, by all of these things. And we just turn that away or quiet it, or it's not real.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Yeah, well, there's so I mean, I think again, as a parent, it's been really fascinating to watch. And and I think, you know, the idea that there's a difference between struggle, stress, and sacrifice and grit effort, perseverance. Those are different themes, right? So I think we've confused them sometimes, and it's it's like you gotta show up for your life. You didn't come here to watch Netflix. That is not what you what you came here, you came here to create, you came here to explore, you came here for the expansion that was gonna happen in your soul because you're going to have that those moments that things are hard. And it's not about, and and again, what I was saying about parenting. So um there was a trend in parenting for a while when when I was first bringing up my kids called helicopter parenting, which was when parents would hover over their children and micromanage them. And now it's moved a further step, and it's called um snowplow parents. Oh, I haven't heard that. And what it is, it's it's let's remove all the obstacles out of the pathway for our children, but that does not create resilient humans. That does not create creativity in humans, right? We are here, every single one of us is here to have our own experience. And that requires us to have those moments that are things aren't going the way that we want. So that guidance can come in. But again, what we've been trained, so this goes back to those foundational flaws. We've been trained, okay, put a hundred percent on your effort and attention on that thing that's not working. And let's, this is something I talk about with my clients all the time, day one. I I tell them two things. One, um, you get about this much, it's like a a I'd say a quarter of an inch, people I'm holding up, a quarter of an inch space for um the complaint, for the story, the details of the story of what's not working. Because if I hand you a shovel and I say, let's start digging into this, and you keep digging, then what happens? The hole gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And the more we dig, the bigger it gets.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

So instead, we have these opportunities to say, where I'm standing right now does not feel good. Right? Comparing myself to everybody else in, let's say third grade Nikki, right? Standing there going, why don't I have that beautiful long blonde hair that everybody else had? I had short, curly hair and buck teeth, and everybody thought I was a scrawny little thing. Everybody thought I was a boy. That was hard. That was really hard on me. And also, I now have a lot of gratitude for the personality that I developed because my looks weren't the first thing that got me friends and attention, right? And so our challenges are growing us, they're part of the becoming. They're not, Sarah, you and I have talked about this. I love this. Life isn't happening to you, and life isn't happening for you, but life is happening from you. You are a big collaborator in what's going on here. And so these things are happening so that you can decide this is the type of person I want to be. This is what feels good, right? And it's so apparent immediately as when we compare ourselves to other that it doesn't feel good. And I have now this, I have a philosophy on stress that this is not, I do a lot of a lot of research. Uh, my my teachings are a combination of neuroscience meets spirituality, and I always look for the intersections. But this particular theory just comes from listening to people for over two decades and observing people and working with myself and clients, is that we have entered a time in human history where what we do for a living is made up. We're not working every day. The majority, there's homesteaders out there, right? People living off the grid. But me, you, Sari, like we don't, we're not chopping wood to make sure our houses are warm. We're not making sure that everything is growing in the garden and canning tomatoes so that we have food through the winter, right? Our basic needs are met. And so I think part of the stress that we feel is when we don't feel aligned, right? When we're coming from that comparison place and we're just trying to keep up with everyone else, it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel truly purposeful in our souls. And so that feels stressful. Whereas if you're doing something that you feel like is serving you on some need level, like whether that's your purpose or your comfort or your safety, right? If you are struggling, if you are in a phase of your life where you have a major health crisis, maybe you're in an abusive situation, right? You have a place, maybe you're worried about losing your home. I can guarantee you, your time, energy, and resources are not going to personal development. They're going to your safety needs. All of your resources are designed to go to the place that you're ready for them to go to. And when we don't honor that by following our voices, we feel internal stress. And from what you were saying, it's like, how can you ever truly feel peace in your body, in your nervous system when you're fighting yourself?

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Right. And I think, I think when you're, you know, fighting yourself has so many dis different aspects and Looks so different for different people. I mean, even you shared, you know, getting onto this call that you were like, I was anxious about me saying yes to this. And then I showed up anyways. And it's, you know, because you had made a promise to yourself or you, and then you were going against that. I mean, granted, I love that you're here right now. And hopefully you showed up for a reason and because this conversation needs to be had right now and all these things. But I think it's also so important that we, you know, I always say you and I, like, we deal with this shit in real time. Um, just as I was on your call last week dealing with my shit in real time. And um, it's important to be able to recognize what we're doing in the moment, how we're either a sabotaging the reality we actually want to experience, um, and and like where where this came from, understanding it, and then choosing, there comes the choice again that you get to pivot when this, when you're met with this again.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Yeah, absolutely. And it's something that I say to myself, I walk around talking to myself all the time. Because guess what, people? You're listening to everything that you say and think. You are listening. So sometimes I have to override, you know, and and anxiety is something I'm no stranger to. I had panic attacks in my 20s. Even back in my teens, I used to put so much pressure on myself in school to get the A's, to be a certain way, to show up a certain way. And I remember, you know, waking up crying after two hours of sleep, thinking I'm gonna fail an exam that I would then go and get an A on. And it's like, where did that pressure? The pressure didn't actually come from my family. It was internal. It came from me needing to prove myself, needing to be a certain way. And I think that's one of the benefits and gifts of getting older is that I really have learned to be easier and easier on myself and to to sit with this and to, you know, and to say, I I that's how we started this conversation is I'm no stranger to anxiety. And I had to laugh this morning as I woke up with so much anxiety. And it was, I got to reflect. Now, am I feeling anxious because of something that's actually going on? Am I feeling anxious because I am about to talk on a podcast called Fuck Anxiety, and it is what is on my mind. Am I feeling anxious because it's reminding me how to relate to this experience, right? So it's okay to have these feelings, but I don't have to stay there. And there's a difference between saying, I am anxious and I'm having anxious feelings. One owns the place that you are, right? Whatever follows I am, follows you, right? And so one makes it for me, it's the difference between like a solid and a gas, right? It's a solid. I am anxious. That's not moving. That's a hard, that's rolling the rock uphill, right? Pushing the boulder uphill versus I'm having anxious, anxious feelings. And I know that feelings change. And I know that I don't always have anxious feelings all day long, right? I'm already opening the conversation to what could be different. And then we talked about this when you were a guest on my Love and Happiness Challenge. You were on my day two, which was curiosity, right? Getting curious about those anxious feelings and what an opportunity. Oh, and I, you know, I teach online coaching courses, and every week, without fail, people, I've been doing them since 2023. I've done six courses now, and without fail every single week. The call starts with here's how I lived my content today. Here's how I am a walking example of these are tools, right? Mindfulness, these are tools that we use. And I like to say I have a tool belt because sometimes you need a hammer and sometimes you need pliers, right? And those are really different tools and they're gonna do different things. And sometimes we have to get creative and make them do more than one thing, but every time it's another opportunity to practice. And, you know, people think about you know, if I could just reach this place of peace and calm, if I could just get to this end goal, but you're never there. And Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite teachers. So many of his books live on, even though he has left uh left this world. But you know, he he talks. I was reading listening to his book as I was driving. I think it was the power of intention, and he said the sentence the work is never done. And I needed to practically pull my car over. What do you mean? It's and that makes perfect sense. It's never done. So if it's never done, I can stop trying to get it all done. And if I can stop trying to get it all done, then I can be content with what I got done. And then if I can just focus on enjoying the thing I'm doing rather than on the focus of getting it done, half the anxiety, the stress goes away. And you know what you said about you know the fear and the faith. So I was saying what I say to myself all the time is I have a choice, faith or fear. I choose faith. And it's a moment to moment, and then something else happens, you get to choose again. You get to choose again. And friends, you know what? Yeah, sometimes you just say, I'm fucking giving in to fear. Where are the Cheetos? Where is the Netflix? I need a minute, and that's okay too. But again, you just you don't want to stay there. Let yourself feel what you're feeling, get curious about it, and then to make a conscious choice, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:12

So, and I think that you already answered this question a little bit with curiosity, but you know, when I think back to, I would say the people I really want to work with are the people who are have been so encompassed by their fear, by their control, by their anxiety that they're just finally at their breaking point of get me the fuck out of here. I mean, that's literally why I called this new branding of this podcast, Fuck Anxiety, because it's a battle cry to those women who are just like, I can no longer continue to wake up and deal with this every day. And, you know, I think that if that version of that woman is listening to this, you know, she might be like, oh, well, that sounds all great and all, to just say, I have a choice when you've created a subconscious program that's 95% running the show. And I always say it's like a teaspoon trying to move a mountain with your conscious mind. And if you're listening to this right now and something in you is like, yeah, this is me. But you also feel that part of you that's just tired. Tired of trying to figure it out on your own. I want you to know, you don't have to. I offer a discovery call that I like to call Freedom Road Session. This is a space where you don't have to put it. You don't have to have it all together. Together, we're eating the very two that's supported. Ready for that? Free five minute. It feels like it's beating out of your chest, your body feels tight and constricted. You just need to come back to yourself. In the show notes, there will also be a link to download this free five-minute nervous system reset. Start feeling relief now. You don't have to keep doing this alone. Um, but I think that you said it so beautifully, even just the theme of the call that we were on last week for your challenge. Of to me, I think the thing that actually opened everything up was curiosity, was asking, is this all there is? Is what I'm experiencing right now, is this what all I came here for? And I think that was like the barn door fucking swinging open of the universe saying, like, finally, you let me in. Finally, you've been trying to fucking drag the dead horse for 15 years. I'm so glad you finally opened the fucking door. But I think it's hard sometimes for people in those situations to like even believe that there could be another reality that's different than what they've been experiencing.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Yeah, and it's so important to really remember that. Well, well, first of all, Sari, um, this was the barn door opening today, but I can guarantee you you've had multiple moments like this, right? And this is one of the things is like, for sure, don't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 18, right? And even your chapter 18, go back and review chapter one and realize how far you've come. Because it's easy to think, why aren't I further? But when you look back, you realize, well, actually, I've come quite a long way. And at every level, you're at you're receiving the level of consciousness that you're at. So you can't expect yourself to get so far ahead of where you are, right? You you want to appreciate each step instead of feeling like that's one little step is not enough, right? And so it's it's a lot of times we want these big, huge leaps, but those are really hard on your constitution. And if you are, let's use a health crisis because the body is so hard to ignore. If you are in a health crisis mode of your life, that probably has all of your attention. And everywhere you go, that body goes with you. So it has more and more of your attention. So if somebody came along and just said, well, just start imagining healing light in your body and loving your body, you probably want to punch that person in the face or push them down a flight of stairs. Like, let's be honest, it's annoying because you're like, I can't even imagine. Now, some people can, absolutely some people can, but first it's just again, this meeting yourself where you are and saying things, we'll use the health thing, saying things to your body like, you have done a lot of good things for me so far. You've gotten me this far. I've gotten this many years out of you. And actually, you've healed a lot of times. That time I had that really bad stomach flu, that time I got COVID, right? That time I gashed my arm open on the stairs. You've healed every time. Well, body, you really have, you really have like healed. And I do believe that this is a body that I was given to last this lifetime. And I do believe that my body is on my team and my body's giving me messages right now. I wonder what my body wants me to know. I wonder what my body wants me to know. Body, I would love to hear what you want me to know right now. Is a really different conversation than, okay, body, we're healing, we're gonna get better, we're letting in healing light, we're gonna do this, we're getting better, this thing is going away, it's not even here anymore. I'm not listening to my doctors, I'm not gonna take right. You can't do that. It's fake. And you can't, you can fool your eyes, you can fool your nose, right? You cannot fool your energy. You can't, and that's why if you've been around people whose words don't match their energy, you can tell. You're like, why don't I feel that person? Because it's not authentic. So nothing can fake energy. And so sometimes it really is just saying to like to yourself in that moment, what is relief right now in this moment? What would relief look like? What would relief feel like? Can I just get a little bit of that?

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Yes. Oh my gosh. So I so yes, all yes to all of that. And you know, I was having this conversation with a friend yesterday. We're from the Dr. Joe Dispenza community, and that community has done wonders for me. His work was the very thing that got me to where I am. Um, and there's also um a stigma that happens within the community that of like, let me just practice like love and light, almost kind of like fake it till you make it. And not to say that that's not a way that can support in some times. But again, if it goes back to like that 95% operating system is saying something completely other than love and light, like it's not gonna just decide to change one day. And that's the integrative part of like hacking away at that 95% of the old system every day of like, what do I want to believe today? What do I need to know about myself? What could make me feel something different? And I think that that is, I mean, I always say, like, when I you and I are such an avid um believers of meditation. And I think meditation is such an amazing place to be quiet and listen. Even if the mind is going crazy, there's still wisdom in there that wants to be heard. And I, I mean, even just the the when I first started meditating, it was when you talk about relief, relief to me was okay, believing that there's some sort of energy that's making my heart beat right now. There's some sort of energy that's making me autonomically breathe oxygen. How is that just happening? There's some sort of intelligence that's allowing this process to happen. Okay, so that's keeping me alive. And what if I just let whatever this is have some of my anxiety right now? That feels like relief. Surrender. And the more I did that, yeah, the more that I didn't know maybe what joy or love or any of that was at the time, but I knew what relief and freedom from it felt like, or I could imagine it. And that's I think that's such a like, and and that goes back to the curiosity. Are you being willing to be curious enough that there's something else at play that you can invite in?

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Yeah. And it's a meditation that I do have been doing on myself for probably, oh gosh, it was probably since 2014, I think was when this first came to me. Is I would wake up in the morning and I would lie in bed and I would do 10 gratitudes, one on each finger, um, just with my eyes closed, because I'm a natural early riser. And, you know, it's like my kids stopped waking me up, and then I was like, I don't have to get out of bed, but I always got in this rhythm. So I created this little routine and I would do 10 gratitudes, and then I would imagine I would start at the crown of my head, and I would just imagine every cell in my body lighting up because I love this idea that every cell in your body has its own consciousness and has its own guiding light, and every cell in your body is seek is is seeking balance, and every cell in your body knows how to get there. And I wanted to communicate more with my body, and I I love this idea that there's a direct line of communication between your cells and higher consciousness and source energy. And so I just would do this at the start at the crown of my head and imagine every cell in my body lighting up. And I would sometimes have to wait at a certain part until they lit up. And in my mind, they start having a little dance party. And I would go from my head all the way down to my feet, just activating the consciousness and light of myself. And it would set me for the day. That was a meditation, right? So meditation can be a lot of different things, right? You don't have to sit cross-legged on the floor and repeat a Sanskrit mantra or follow your breath or listen to white noise or bianneal beats, right? But you can, you can do all of those things. You can do any of those things. And the idea of meditation is just to have a moment really to quiet your mind. But I know that that's really hard for most people, myself included. I have a very overactive brain. And so I started to back off there being that intention for meditation. And I started to sit in meditation for the pleasure and the um the prioritization of my well-being and just saying these 15, 20 minutes are important. I'm a priority. How I feel is a priority. And so I'm just gonna sit here and just try to enjoy sitting here, not to try to make my mind go quiet. Because again, it's like when the more you try to force something, the worse it gets. And for some people, even that can be too much. So I would recommend like a walking meditation, right? If you've had PTSD or, you know, you've come from you've had a traumatic experience that is still with you. Like there are so many times in your life where sitting and closing your eyes kind of meditation may not be your thing, but everybody benefits from getting into a quiet space, a flow. It's really more of getting into like a flow state where you know, one of the biggest misconceptions is that everything goes quiet in your mind. But you know, bringing this conversation full circle is like once you reach that quiet place, you're no longer thinking thoughts, you start receiving thoughts from your higher power. So your mind might not be quiet, but it feels different than a busy mind.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

As you said, like meditation, I think it's so important that people don't hold it on this pedestal of what it's supposed to look like. And just as, you know, my unique channeled messages come in a specific way for me, they're not gonna look the same for you. Maybe my meditation experience looks different than yours. And, you know, even with my clients, I ask all the time, I'm like, you know, we do usually like an induction to get them into that sort of alpha flow state, brainwave state to be in their subconscious mind. And I don't do the same induction for everyone. And I ask them, how was that for you the last week? Like, do we need to pivot? Because that didn't work. You know, like it's so important, I think, to ask yourself, okay, I tried a body scam. That really worked. That really slowed me down. Or nope, I stopped at my shoulders and I was completely distracted and it doesn't work for me. You know, like I think it's so important to give yourself permission that it doesn't have to look like everybody's experience. Because that alone causes anxiety because we're all unique.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

Yes, yes, stop comparing. It doesn't comparison is the thief of joy, right? And I've been teaching yoga over 20 years, and one of my jokes that I'll often make in yoga class when we're doing a balancing posture, is I'll say, find one point in the room to look at that doesn't move. That's the easiest on your balance. Or if you really want to challenge your balance, look around at what everybody else is doing. And immediately you have to work so much harder to stay balanced. So it's the same thing physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Spiritually. The more you look around at what everybody else is doing, the harder it is to stay balanced. Look at what everybody else is doing for inspiration, for clarity, to cheer them on, for their success to inspire you, for seeing somebody living their passion to incite you to live your passion, right? Look around at someone who is hurting and think, how can I help? Where is their relief? Not I feel bad for them. Can I just send them love? Right. That's what how we can use our looking around at each other for the highest good instead of to bring each other down and ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

Yeah. I love that. Um, one other thing I want to touch on before um we run out of time here. I I think there's like the idea of what happiness is in our world. And to really challenge that. You know, I there's a exercise I do with people um when I work with them that says, like, here's what is your idea of success? And usually it's like material, monetary things. And but when we get down to it, success is actually like feeling good in their body, feeling slow and relaxed, or feeling inspired. And and it none of it actually correlates with the first column of what they considered success was. And so, you know, maybe success isn't necessarily the word, but I think happiness, like joy, like when are we actually truly like looking around at our friends, at our family? And like, how do we know that they're truly experiencing joy? Right. If we're, if we're trying to change things in our life, and I think that as we do, I mean, just as we talked the other day, like the older, I mean, the younger version of me wasn't ready for Nikki Dean. And the younger version of you wasn't ready for Sari Kausert, right? But like we've met now, we've crossed paths now because we have met on the same wavelength of joy and happiness. And having you in my life has created even so much more of it. And I think that when we start allowing ourselves to really like see the happiness, experience the happiness, feel the happiness, more of that comes into our life. And you and I know that. Um but a lot of us are basing happiness off of an idea that's societies or our cultures, it's not even ours. And so competing with that is is really hard because we don't even know what that actually is.

SPEAKER_00 47:02

Yeah, I mean, I think it's you know, it's like I always say redefine perfection, redefine success, like define what happiness is for you. But I think if you stop looking at what everyone else has told you is happiness, and you know, you you come into more of the the the micro world, right? Looking around, right? Happiness isn't something that you achieve and then you get to have it going forward, right? It's an ongoing state. But we need fluctuations in our emotions in order to experience more and less, right? We don't always anything that is just starts to plateau, right? We start to get bored. And boredom is not good for the human soul at all, right? And so, but even that, having that moment of boredom and realizing, okay, this is not fun because sometimes, and and this is what we forget, right? This is why I said reflect back on how far you've come. It's like reflect on all that you have achieved, all the goals that you've already attained, all even something simple like the iPhone or the phone that you have. At one time you didn't have that phone and you wanted that phone, and now you have it and you totally take it for granted. So, and it's not about, oh, I have to appreciate this thing every minute of every life, uh, every minute of my life. But if you spend your more of your time looking for what is working right, it's it's you are feeling whatever you're thinking. So your thoughts create your emotional response. And then your emotional response drives your action. And as Sari was saying, it's it's estimated that 90 to 95% of your actions are driven by your subconscious thoughts, not your conscious thoughts. And then those actions create your results, which we say is evidence. See, look, this always happens in my life, but it's it's a loop. So if you notice that you're feeling away, you're feeling unhappy, you can use curiosity and go, oh, okay, I'm feeling really unhappy right now. What was I just thinking about? Okay, well, I was thinking about um Sari's had her podcast going now for over a year. She's already on her rebrand, and I haven't started my podcast. Okay, well, I was thinking about that. I was comparing. That's not true. I wasn't thinking that, but it's a great example, right? Um, it's so easy to go into that. I'm behind, right? What was I thinking? Okay, I was thinking a comparison. This is one of my tricks that I do all the time. I call it out. What was I doing? I was comparing, I was in scarcity, I was in fear, right? Name the thing that you're feeling and then choose again. And it's a moment-to-moment choice. And sometimes you don't know what that choice is, but you might just say, I wonder what I could think now to feel a little bit happier. I wonder what a happier thought would be for me. And this is where some of that surrender comes in. And I have a little story to share is because sometimes the answer is not what we think. And that is where I think the real work can be because I had an interaction with a friend who was texting me to get together, and I was very triggered by this interaction. Um, there was a lot of social awkwardness coming from the other end, and I was feeding right into it, and it was going back and forth, and then I found myself feeling guilty about the way the interaction went. And I noticed it and I was like, I'm I'm feeling guilty. That's not helpful. So I asked in a split second in my own head, I asked myself, I said I just surrender and got spirits, give me a solution. And within a second, I heard the the sentence, you don't have to be friends with everyone. And in one way, is it was so liberating, and in another way, it was a soul-crushing response because I thought, but I want to be a nice person, but a nice person wouldn't do that, a good friend wouldn't do that. And here I had asked for guidance and I had received guidance, but I was letting what I thought was supposed to be the right thing. And it the response, now take that in. The response wasn't tell her to F off. It wasn't ignore her text for the rest of your life. It was a very clear statement, you don't have to be friends with everyone, right? So there's the guidance that's coming through, and then there's the cultural training that's telling us this is what makes a good person. This is what makes you a good person in your community, and having the strength and the that really that inner clarity that's so strong that's saying, I have to protect my peace because I'm doing you no favors by being a fake friend. When you start living in that truth, all of the the all of that gets easier. It's not a fight. Those people just disappear, and the people that you're supposed to be with just fill your space.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

Yeah. And I think that right there is like a prime example of that study that I mentioned that they did at Harvard, that like chronic stress comes from not being who you are supposed to be and sabotaging what your needs are to make to create happiness for someone else. That's not our job.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

But you can't do right. You can't do that anyway. Nothing I would do would make if I showed up, say I dropped everything and went to see that friend because I felt it was the right thing to do for them, I would be doing them no favors because I'm showing up with fake energy. And remember, energy doesn't lie. So when we honor our own energy and our and that own inner voice, we give other people permission to do the same. And when everybody lives from that place, right? Just like hurt people, hurt people. Happy humans, happy other humans.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

Yeah. It's so, it's so funny now, you know, because I think of, you know, when you say energy can't lie, you know, whether it's my husband or my daughter, or even like I'm thinking of one of my good friends. Um, we've been friends forever. And, you know, when they you ask them, like, are you okay? And they're like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And you're like, that couldn't be further than the fucking truth. Like, why are you, what are you doing? Like, are you saying you're fine for me? Or are you saying you're fine for you? Like, what is it that you're doing? And like, this is we do this all of the time. And it's our emotional intelligence that we need to allow to blossom. That, like, okay, I'm fucking feeling this thing right now. Maybe shit sucks in this moment, but I'm not gonna stuff it down. I'm not gonna say I'm fine. And because that's just creating more anxiety, creating more stress, creating more dis ease in our body to invite in dis-ease. Drives me fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_00 54:23

Yeah. And also, I mean, it's okay to keep it to yourself, right? It's okay, you don't have to share it necessarily just because someone's asking, but you can acknowledge it within, which is I feel what what you're saying is like acknowledge that feeling. And a lot of times I just say to people in my family, uh, right now I am not fit for human consumption. I need a minute. Like I actually heard Esther say that once, and I was like, that so resonates with me is um nothing good is gonna come from this conversation. And just like I said with my with my clients, it's like the deeper we dig into those really tough moments, the we're feeling it. We're living it physiologically, our bodies don't know that we're talking about something that already happened or something that we're worried about. And so life is happening from you. That's what you're emanating, that's what you're radiating. So it's okay to feel it, have that moment, but I try to get more general around that and like zoom out of it of like, okay, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'm feeling bad about myself because I dropped the ball on something that was important to me, right? It's okay to have those feelings. It's okay to say, I did something that didn't feel so great. Okay, and then what am I gonna do about it? I'm gonna make a choice, going back to your choice. I'm gonna choose to say, okay, well, next time I'd like to do this a little bit better and just walk away and go and take some sunshine on your face and listen to the birds for a minute. And watching birds is an amazing way to come into the present and to realize that you know, there's more looking at nature in general. We realize nature is abundant, nature is in flow, nature doesn't rush, nature is unique, right? And we are part of nature. We are part of the natural world, just like a flower is. So what if we stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to achieve and just be the flower that's here to grow into the sunshine and then for the petals to close when the darkness comes and to open back up when the light comes. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Amen. So much permission in that. Oh my gosh. Okay. You know, we could just keep going for hours and hours. So I want you to share. I know that one of your courses is open, opening up as we speak. Um, do you want to share um real quick about that?

SPEAKER_00 56:56

I would love to. Yes, I have a five-week online coaching course. It's called Align, and it's a mindset cleanup. So, this is a real beliefs cleanup course where we're getting to the root of the beliefs that work against. And this is what I do. Two things that I think I do really well with my clients that might are my passion is one is I listen and help you figure out where your beliefs are working against you, right? Where you have a belief and a desire that contradict each other. And I listen for when you speak against yourself. And that's the cleanup job that we do. And then the second thing that I do for you is that my belief in you will always never waver. I believe in the you that you dream about. And so what this course does is we go through the major things in our lives, right? Um, first we go through clarity. Who are you? What are you doing here? What do you want out of this life? And then we we clean up what's your relationship with your health, with your body, what's your relationship with wealth, your money, your finances, what's your relationship with love, not just intimate love, but all relationships. And it always starts with you, your relationship with yourself, and then your purpose. And so it's a mindset, reset, and manifestation accelerator. Because when you clean up those beliefs that are the really the root cause of your self-sabotage and stagnation, then watch out, worlds, because you will laugh at the way that things just are start to happen in your life. So that's happening in mid-April. And I always want to know that we're fit. So if you're interested and curious about this, what I'm offering right now is a free 30-minute discovery call where we do a little mini coaching session. You get to experience my style, I get to experience you. I always, again, I want to know if we're fit, right? I don't have want to waste my time and I don't want to waste your time. One of the things you were talking about, like who you like to work with, Sari. And one of the things I realized a long time ago, because I've been teaching yoga for often uh for over 22 years now. And I have taught every age bracket, especially when my kids were little. And it was when I worked with our high school football team for many years, who were state champions, proud to say, um, that I realized I like to work with people who are ready for change. Like I'm not the person who's gonna convince you that it's your time or convince you that these tools work. But if you're ready, then I will give you everything I've got until we find the things that you need to get you to where you want to go.

SPEAKER_01 59:53

Oh my gosh. I love that. And this is why we so connect. Uh, well, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad we got to finally record another episode. Um, and Nikki's amazing, you guys. And she literally opens up doors for you that you didn't even know existed. So if you are needing a door to open, you should absolutely knock on hers. Um, I love her so much. Thank you for coming. And I will leave all of her information in the show notes to connect with her. And we will see you guys next time. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. Love you. Love you. If this episode felt like it was speaking directly to you, share it with another woman who might need to hear this too. And please leave a rating and a review. This helps boost the podcast so women just like you can find it and find real-time support and belief also. Stay tuned for more episodes with stories, tools, and real hope. Because you're more than just the identity of a woman who has anxiety. And when you begin to heal your relationship with anxiety, you're not just changing your life. You're changing what gets passed out to your daughters, your granddaughters, and the women who come after you. You are not. And this is where we get to truly take.