Turning Pain Into Purpose With Harper A. Bailey

What if the thing you’re chasing isn’t ahead of you, but within you? We sit down with Harper A. Bailey—public health leader and author of the memoir “It Was Her”—to unpack how grief can become a teacher, how creativity can act as medicine, and why midlife refuses to let us ignore our truth. From family health inequities that drew her to public health, to the dream that showed she was running from a younger self, Harper shares the moments that cracked her open and invited her to finally listen.

Harper’s story bridges systems and self. She explains how the “invisible” work of public health—prevention, policy, community voice—mirrors the inner work many of us avoid. A gifted diary at nine began a lifelong journaling practice, carrying her through the loss of her mother, a staycation that birthed her book outline, and the decision to write from the scar rather than the wound. We explore the “treasure chest” where she stored pain, the myth that high achievement equals healing, and the revelation that not doing the work is also hard.

The conversation reaches into family, identity, and forgiveness. Harper describes softening toward her father through the lens of mental health and substance use, finding new ways to connect without erasing the past. She offers a freeing reframe—wholeness is our birthright—and challenges the belief that healing belongs to other people. Art, music, movement, and honest words become practical tools that regulate, connect, and transform. If you’ve ever felt stuck on the next mountain, this is a map back to yourself.

Listen for grounded insights on grief, midlife clarity, advocacy, and courageous asking. Then share it with a friend who needs the reminder that they are worthy of the work—and of the joy on the other side. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what truth are you ready to name?

Harper A. Bailey is the pen name of Tiosha Bailey, a Chicago native, public health leader, and powerful storyteller who challenges the status quo. She was the first Black woman to lead a prominent national women's healthcare nonprofit, where she prioritized health equity and amplified the voices of underserved communities.

Her first book, It Was Her: A Memoir—featuring a foreword by renowned motivational speaker Lisa Nichols—invites readers into a deeply personal story shaped by loss, resilience, and transformation. Through honest and compelling storytelling, Harper explores identity, healing, and the courage it takes to reclaim your narrative.

As a speaker, Harper brings clarity, depth, and humor to conversations about leadership, purpose, and the lived experiences of Black women. She connects with audiences through truth-telling and a passion for creating spaces where people feel seen, heard, and empowered.

Website: https://www.harperabailey.com/

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Guest Introduction
• 1:02 Early Life And Public Health Calling
• 3:03 The Dream Of Running From Self
• 5:55 The Treasure Chest Of Untouched Pain
• 9:25 Journaling To Memoir: Starting The Book
• 13:40 Ancestors’ Nudge And The Outline Weekend
• 16:45 Grief As Teacher And Return Home
• 20:45 Father, Addiction, And Softening Through Empathy
• 24:20 Creativity As Medicine Across Mediums
• 26:45 Midlife Myths And Wholeness As Birthright
• 30:05 Doing The Work Versus Working Backwards
• 34:10 Courage, Asking, And Receiving Support
• 36:30 Where To Find Harper And Book Details
• 38:00 Closing Gratitude And Listener CTA

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to the Medovia Menopause Podcast, your trusted source for information about menopause and midlife. Join us each episode as we have great conversations with great people. Tune in and enjoy the show.

SPEAKER_02: 0:14

Hey, welcome back to the podcast, everyone. April and I are excited to explore a new topic today. We know that midlife has a way of bringing long-held stories to the surface, and it asks us to look at what we've carried and what we've buried and what we're finally ready to understand. It also invites us into a deeper kind of creativity, not productivity or output, but meaning making, the creativity that comes from reclaiming your voice, naming your truth, and telling the stories you once felt you had to hide. And our guest today lives at this intersection. Harper A. Bailey is the pen name for Teosha Bailey. She's a Chicago native, public health leader, and powerful storyteller who challenges the status quo. She made history as the first Black woman to lead a prominent national women's healthcare nonprofit where she centered health equity and amplified the voices of communities too often left out of the conversation. Harper's new book, It Was Her, is a deeply personal memoir that explores grief, identity, and what it means to tell the truth out loud after years of silence. This is a conversation about grief as a teacher, creativity as a healing force, and the truths that midlife refuses to let us ignore. Harper's story is one of courage, reclamation, and the fierce determination to turn pain into purpose. Welcome Harper to the show.

SPEAKER_00: 1:44

Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here. Super excited.

SPEAKER_02: 1:49

Well, let's dive in. Your story blends powerful public health insight with deeply personal truth. When did you first recognize that your lived experience could be a form of advocacy?

SPEAKER_00: 2:02

Um, that's a beautiful question and a great way to kick off this conversation. Um, I would say I felt like I knew that pretty early on in my career. Like in my gut, I knew that what actually led me to public health had everything to do with my family's experience with going to the doctor, with you know, the late diet, late-stage diagnosis of cancer that happened multiple times to different family members within my um on both my mom and dad's side. Um, you know, poor health outcomes and just couldn't understand like what is really happening. We're accessing the system, or some of us are not, but something's going on. So that part made me very curious. Um, also being in college and just trying to play around and thinking about who I wanted to be when I grow grew up. I came into it thinking, hey, I'm gonna be a doctor. So I was a pre-med major, did took start taking classes. I was feeling good until I got into that inorganic chemistry, y'all. And then my brain, my brain was like, this is not for you. This is not, this is not it. So I ended up leaving school for a little bit and spent a year just trying to rediscover like, who am I? What am I passionate about? What do I care about? And you know, I was like, I care about people, I care about society, I'm into values and beliefs and mental models. And then I came into the practice, the um the field of sociology. And so I said, you know what? I'm gonna go back, change my major. And when I tell you, sociology opened up everything for me. And then I started thinking, like, okay, that's when I tapped into public health. And I was like, I didn't even know that was a field. I didn't even know that was a thing. Public health is everywhere, but it's invisible because a lot of people don't even know what it is. They don't know the people that tell you to put on your seatbelt. That's public health. They don't know all of the signs and things around don't do not smoke and the ordinance and the ordinances around that people don't know that's public health and how it works in tandem with health. Um, and so I was just intrigued and wanted to do more and just kept digging into that and just recognizing that there's so much power and lived experience and bringing that into the workplace is a game changer. It really is, and it's a form of advocacy in a way um that I don't think anything else is.

SPEAKER_01: 4:24

I can tell that you are passionate about it. Um I just feel your energy, and I absolutely love that and that you found your way. I mean, you really did. You found your way. Um, and the spark from within. But you had a dream. Um, and I want to talk about that for just a minute because you had a dream. Um, you open up about that dream where you're running from yourself, right? Um, what truth was that dream trying to reveal to you?

SPEAKER_00: 4:53

That dream revealed to me that I was my whole life, I believed, because I'm a high achiever, that I was always running to the next mountain. And I was like, oh, I've done this one. I'm going to the higher, the next high mountain. Oh, I'm going to the higher one. I was always looking for the next big thing. And that's why I thought I was running towards. That dream revealed to me that it was so much bigger than that. That I truly was not just running towards something, I actually was running from myself. Because when you think about how the dream ends, when I realized who or what was chasing me, it was a younger version of myself who looked like she had seen many ghosts. She was trying to get my attention. And here the adult, you know, polished version of me who had stuffed all that bad stuff down, wanted no parts of her. Um, but it scared me. It really woke me up and I was like, oh, what is that about? What is that about? Um, but even then I stuffed it. I stuffed it. I was just like, okay, you know, dreams they they happen, but are they what are they really coming to tell me something for real? Um and it was. It's trying to get my attention.

SPEAKER_01: 6:08

Did you stuff did you stuff the dream or did you stuff the dream and the past? And I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna just take the liberty here to say emotions that come with the past.

SPEAKER_00: 6:21

You stuff all of it. So what I knew before the dream is that, and what I had learned growing up is that bad things happen to everybody, right? Bad things happen to good people, um, and bad things happen to bad people. That's just how I was raised. And so, hey, bad things happen. You scrape your knees, you get up, you clean yourself off, and you keep going. That's all I knew. I didn't learn the tools to be able to say, okay, that thing happened to me. It knocked me down. How did it make me feel? Who was involved in that? Like none of those pieces of the processing never happened. And so when bad things would happen, it was just like, oh, this is just another moment. Okay, something else to put in the treasure chest because you have to keep going. I was raised by some of the most fierce, fierce, strongest black women I've ever met in my life. Like my grandmother, my mom, my on both of my sides. Like I have all these aunts, just strong, bold women. And they were, you know, dealing with their own um challenges, but still moving, still getting things done. I had no idea how much they were kind of internalizing or the struggle of that, but I just knew they were always working, always, you know, moving. And that was what I knew I had to do in my life. I knew that was for me. I was like, I gotta keep going. And in anything that comes my way, I'm gonna work through it and I'm gonna move. And my work through it was to work over it and keep moving to the next thing. Yeah, going to do it.

SPEAKER_01: 8:03

It's harder than going over it.

SPEAKER_00: 8:04

Yes, exactly. And so I knew how to do the over it. I was like, ah, and then I just I had this, and what I talk about in the book is that I all the things that happened that were considered these bad things, I had a treasure chest, you know, that I only opened, not to put not to take things out, but only to put things in.

SPEAKER_02: 8:21

I love the treasure chest idea, but you eventually you opened that treasure chest.

SPEAKER_00: 8:27

I had to.

SPEAKER_02: 8:28

Yeah. What happened and what inspired you to write this book?

SPEAKER_00: 8:32

So the book actually was something that I'm a journaler and have been for a long time. I'm and uh a writer. My aunt, one of my aunts, because I'm like, I got a lot of aunts, one of my aunts um gifted me a diary at the age of nine. And when I tell you all, I promised, I've like made a vow to this diary. I'm gonna write in you every day. We're best friends. They had a cute little lock and a teddy bear on it. And she and I just connected. And it was that moment where I could sit down and talk about how I was feeling or what I was thinking, um, what happened in my day. And being able to just start writing, I was like, I have to keep going. And so even through high school and my 10 tween, my um being in my teen years, my 20s, my 30s, I continued to journal. So I did all this journaling. And at one point, it was like, I probably I have all these books. I maybe I should write a book. I got like this download, right? Like to call them God ideas, where you don't know where they come from, but they're they're there and it's clear. Oh, I need to write a book. And at the time I was thinking, oh, I'm very imaginative. I'm an only child by um, because my my my dad had multiple children, but not in the house. So I grew up as an only child with my mom. So I had a keen imagination. So I was like, oh my God, I am going to write, you know, some fiction works, you know, about lions, tigers, and bears and dragons. I had all this fantasy stuff. And my spirit was like, no, you're gonna write about your life. And I was like, yep, okay, good idea. I'm gonna put that down. Then it kept coming back to me. So this is the what I call like the nudge, right? It's like first it starts off where it's like a little, you need to write a book and it's about this. And I'm like, yep, I'm not doing that. Then I would be like watching TV, and some lady's like, I just wrote my memoir. And I'm like, click. Um, or you know, I'm on the phone with a friend. I don't want to hear it on the phone with a friend. And she's like, I just read the best memoir. And I'm like, yep, this is getting nuts. I'm gonna, you know what? I'm just gonna try it. I'm gonna go buy me a new computer because I love shiny things, and I'm just gonna see. Let's just see if I can get something out onto the page. So I started writing, just getting trying to get out there, and I was like, What's the most ideal place for me to start? And it was really my mom's transition. Um, I had been in therapy sometimes, so I that is important to be able to want everybody to hear and know this that I wrote that memoir from a place of not completely being healed, but on the healing pathway, right? So I wasn't speaking to, as Dr. Gru Gertrude says, I wasn't speaking from the scar, I mean from the wound, I was speaking from the scar, if that makes sense, right? So I had had some time to process the things that have happened that I talk about in the book. I've had some level of like understanding and perspective around those things when I embarked upon the this process. So here I am, like, I'm still in in therapy, talking about my mom and all of that. Let me start there, her hospice experience. And and when I tell you all, every time I would get into my office, like get myself the courage, I would start writing. I could not stop crying. I like the tears, like just kept pouring, and I just would be like typing and crying and typing and crying. My husband would come and check in on me, and he would say, I don't know if this is good for your mental health. Like, you sure this is good for you? And I'm like, me and my therapist talked about it. Leave me alone. I'm gonna do it okay.

SPEAKER_01: 12:11

Go shut the door. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

Let me do it. I'm working right now. I'm working. Um, and about like two months after that, I had maybe four or five pages of a of a chapter. I closed it because I just was like, I feel like I was reliving her leaving me over and over and over again. So I closed it six months later. So I was done with that book, just so you all know. Like, done. I woke up, another dream. I woke up and I screamed. I said, I will do it. I'm gonna do it. My husband's like, what is happening? And I said, Oh god, oh my god, oh my god. I said, You you won't like I I can't believe this, but I just got into a fight with the ancestors and I lost. And I have to write this book. I do not know how I'm going to write this book, but I know that I have to write it. Um, it was in the month of February. My birthday is in February. I celebrate the whole month. I am a person that's all about like the me season.

SPEAKER_01: 13:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 13:16

So I hadn't decided what I wanted to gift myself yet. And I decided to gift um myself a weekend away at my favorite hotel downtown in the city, just do a staycation. And the goal was to walk away with an outline for the book. And when I tell you all, by the time I checked out Sunday afternoon, I had the full outline in my hand. I can I I was so like, I can't believe that this story was it was already here. It was in me. It was in me. It was just I I needed to get in the right headspace, make the decision to do it, and just lean in. And what you all see in the book now, it follows the outline. Some chapters have moved, but when I tell you, I had the book in my hand in February of 2024.

SPEAKER_01: 14:08

It sounds like you know, in the beginning, you needed to grieve. You couldn't write until you were able to grieve. Yeah. Because it was you you shut that away in the treasure chest, right? Um and you reopened it. And you talk a lot about grief in your book. And and I'm wondering, I mean, you've you've noted um this a little bit in your story, but I'm wondering um what grief has taught you that nothing else in your professional personal life ever could. What what what lesson, what's the lesson learned um here?

SPEAKER_00: 14:47

I think that grief taught me many things. One that the very thing that breaks you down, right, that takes the wind out of your sails or takes the the from my mom when she left me, and I said it at the and that's that's me talking at the time, right? We're talking 12, 13 years ago. I felt like an orphan. She was she left me. Um, that I was alone, and it it actually processing her transition, it cracked me open. It cracked me open and it actually gave me a moment, and it was a moment in time where I was like, you know what? I I'm sad, I feel it, I get it, but I'm not only grieving my mom, I'm actually grieving many other things that I have not processed. Her transition was just so big in my life because she was such a force in my life, and so she was such a big boulder where I couldn't even see that there were other things that I had been grieving, or other people or situations that were unresolved that made the carrying of that grief of her even heavier. So it was like the cumulative grief had knocked me down. And so once I was able to get to a place to process it, start go back, grief actually, I think the lesson is grief actually took me back to the start so that I can return back to myself. And so I tell people oftentimes that that was the biggest lesson that grief gave me. That whenever you lose something or you're sad about a situation, whether it's micro grief or macro, which I, you know, in my mind, I like to think that grief is on a spectrum, but there's set certain levels to certain types of loss and how we talk about it. Um that you owe it to yourself to actually pause for a second, to even sit in it in the discomfort, to be able to say how how you feel and to check in with yourself over and over and over again, um, so that you can truly go back and come back home to yourself. And for me, it ended up being an invitation for me to return home over and over and over again. I love that.

SPEAKER_03: 17:05

Return home to yourself. Yeah, return home.

SPEAKER_02: 17:08

But this, but losing your mother reshaped your whole identity too, because you were returning to yourself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 17:15

Yep, yep, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 17:17

I really um I think that there are times when you are called to do things that you can't ignore. And that's what happened to you. Um, April and I feel like that's about why we do the business that we do. We're called to do it. And if we ignored it, it would keep knocking at the door. But you really describe well about how it's like, okay, I hear you. Okay, you gotta listen or it keeps coming back. That's it.

SPEAKER_00: 17:42

Yes. I saw something one day. It was like, yeah, what do you think you're doing? You're trying to um outrun your purpose. You can't do that. Like, you're trying to run away from it. It's gonna, it's in you already, it's waiting for you and your acknowledgement of it in order for it to like do all the things, but it's for you, it's and it's and it's expressly for you, right? It's not for anyone else to do, it's for you. It's why your soul came, chose to come here.

SPEAKER_02: 18:11

Well, and you're honest, you're brutally honest with yourself and what's gone, what had happened in your life in this book. And I I love that you did the work because you well, you know, I know you know people that didn't do the work and aren't facing their fears and are just shoving it down and never bring it back up, but you write honestly about your father in this book, in the complexity of loving him, loving him while he's struggling. And yeah, what helped you what helped you have the courage to decide that you were ready to address that truth, to be with that truth, to name that truth of of that relationship?

SPEAKER_00: 18:51

A lot of therapy. Um I would say definitely a lot of therapy. Um to really and journaling. Journaling helped me a ton around just my perspective. Um, about, and I will also say my professional life. So the thing about our lives, and if you take a moment to just do kind of an assessment of all the things you've done, whether it's personal, professional, and kind of put it together, God places you in situations and experiences that actually set you up for the next thing. I don't think it's a surprise that when I left my job at the um the community health center I had been working for for six years, that I went to oversee the mental health clinics. And then I ended up, that was the job. And then at some point my portfolio expanded to include the substance use unit, to include violence prevention. Um and I then I started to learn more about substance use and starting to see it as a disorder. So that softened my heart a lot more. Like this thought that I'm like, here I can oversee programs, I can do funding and all that for everyone else. And here I am, my dad, right? Didn't want to touch that. And so I think the real reckoning for me, because I tried to rush through when my mom transitioned as quickly as she did. I was like, I only have one more parent here. Me and my dad had been not estranged, I don't want to say that, but not close. We would have calls every now and then. I would see him at family functions. Um, but when my mom transitioned, I was like, I just have to, I gotta, I gotta forgive him. I gotta forgive him because I only have one parent here. That was my rationale. Um, and so I tried to skip over the process of forgiving him. Um, and then talking to him more often, that made it worse, right? So we got the promises, the things he said he could do. Um, you know, it's the I'm gonna be there, I'm gonna come to this. And he doesn't come. The times he didn't answer the phone, like that part, and that just hurt too much. Um, and I ended up having a reckoning where I realized what it was was that the little girl in me wanted the dad that I had for a brief moment that would take me with him to he had a door um hanging business. And in the summertime, I would ride in his truck. And in Chicago, he gets hot. He had no AC. We would roll down the windows and sit in that in his in his truck, and I would drive around the city where he was hanging doors. I was his little helper, and I'm like passing him a screwdriver, passing him a hammer, and I would, you know, ask him questions. And I wanted that dad. And he wasn't, he he wasn't able to come back to me and return to me in that way. Um, and I was grieving that the little girl in me got mad at him. Also, I was mad at him. I also, as much as I enjoyed being with him as a kid, I also didn't think he took the time to get to see me. He didn't ask me what my favorite color was. He didn't Want to know, like, who I was and how my day went, but it had everything to do with how he was raised. And so once I got a chance to really lean in to my dad did the best that he could with what he had, my mom did the best that she could with what she had in raising me, it softened my heart big time. Big time. Um, and we started bonding, like, and then when he learned what I did for a living, and um he's always been super proud, he would start talking to me, like, okay, so tell me about this Narcan. What is this thing? And I'm I'm running a campaign on Narcan and trying to get it um to be approved to be in libraries. And here my dad is on the phone asking me about Narcan. And so we learn to bond in a different way, and things have come kind of full circle, I would say.

SPEAKER_01: 22:56

It's fantastic. Understanding empathy, um, you know, we hear that all the time, but when it's put into practice, it sure does make a huge difference. And I do think too, um, midlife does bring clarity for us. Um, you know, it the burdens that we carry as a child, the disappointment that we have carried for a very, very long time. That's where a lot of that grief comes from, as you just noted. But you actually um you actually not only brought that to light, um, you speak truth, as Kim noted, but you turned your story into art, uh, which I love. You turned it into something that can help heal other people. So it's that ripple effect. And it's a joy to see that. When did you realize that creativity could be a form of medicine?

SPEAKER_00: 23:50

I would say as a kid, just not as a medicine. I well, maybe because again, I felt lighter every time I started to write. So I could go in, you know, if I had a bad day at school, if I came home and started like writing and you know, starting to get creative and doing things, I felt always felt better after doing that, you know. Um, and so I knew there there was something in that piece. Um, also, I I am a fan of music, different genres and all of that, movies, different um kind of mediums of art, and that's creativity, you know, at its best. It has something, something about that connection between the the lyrics and the the music and how it makes you feel. You know that it has healing powers, right? When you think about that movie that really touches touches you, where it's someone else's story, or even if it's fictional, but you see a piece of yourself in it, in it, and it makes you think about who you are and you know what's going on, and re-examine kind of your life. I think that's a form of healing and knowing that creativity that led to something that got out to people, um, it has the ability to be able to make change.

SPEAKER_01: 25:08

Yeah. Art is beautiful. Like we can't take arts out of um schools, by the way. Just side note, like it's so important. Yeah, you're not wrong. It is so important for our well-being and our healing. You talked about various um mediums of art, just on paper and writing, and music and color and movement. I mean, there's so many various um mediums of art that are healing, I think it's different for everyone, but um the movies, you know, crying at the movies and having your heart um is healing as well, right?

SPEAKER_03: 25:49

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 25:49

Um, what do you think is the biggest misconception um about healing that you wish that midlife women would release themselves? I mean, because I think we do hold it in. And and you know, we talk about midlife being this turning point, and it is and it can be, but not for everyone.

SPEAKER_00: 26:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 26:09

Um what do you think?

SPEAKER_00: 26:11

I think the biggest misconception is that every people don't everybody doesn't believe hold the belief that healing is possible for themselves, right? Sometimes you can see healing in someone else, you know, you read about it and you're like, oh my god, good for them. They changed their lives. Or, you know, you read that book, you're like, oh my gosh, she got through all of that. She is that is so rad. I'm happy for her. But then when it comes to you, you'll be like, I don't, that's not for me. That's not my life. Um, that you know, whether it's not, it's not possible. And what I say to that is, and I like to like put this out here, and I think it's part of my soul's purpose, is to remind everyone that wholeness is our birthright. Okay, say that again, Harper. Say it again, Later. Yes, wholeness is our birthright, and what I mean by that is that we all came into this life whole, right? Whole in every way, perfect in every way. Whether we knew it or not at the time, we were whole. We are whole. Life happens to us and comes at us fast, right? In different ways, and that can kind of put some, I would say, some some chips in your armor, right? You know, kind of knock you down, if you will, that can create some feelings of brokenness and and not feeling like, you know, you are who you are meant to be, or you just you just hurt. Um, so this thought of like, how can I be whole when I'm hurting? You're still whole all day, every day. None of us needs need fixing. Do we need support and tools so that we can lean into the wholeness that is already ours? Yes. Um, you don't have to go and look into other people and other things for your wholeness, it's already in you. So, this thought of not saying that we don't seek out, we need tools, we need support, but I do think sometimes people feel like, or maybe not whether they know it or not, but that their joy comes from outside of them. I only feel joy from my kids, I only feel joy when this thing happens. And it's like, how can you become the joy? Yeah, that's a part of wholeness. It's it's part, it's yours, it's you, it's you. And so if you're not looking for something out there for up in other people and other things and situations, how would you move about this lifetime if you don't feel whole right now, but your job is then to reclaim something that already belongs to you.

SPEAKER_02: 28:48

Yeah, get to know yourself, reclaim, reclaim that. Listen, you did you you did and are doing a ton of work with therapy and writing the book and really working on yourself, and you know, this that's scary for a lot of people to do. I mean, it's hard. It is work, it's called work for a reason. But you um you clearly have found yourself as who you are and what your purpose is in doing this work. Tell me what you know now that you would not have known had you not done the work that makes a difference for you.

SPEAKER_00: 29:28

So, one of the things that you say, yeah, you I did I have done the work and I I I own that, and that the work is hard. I also believe not doing the work is also hard. Agreed, and I think that's another myth that people are like, Oh, healing is a lot of work. Oh, I gotta go to therapy, I gotta do all this. And I'm like, baby, you're already working, you're just working backwards, okay? Really good point. We're all you're already working. We know how to work in this. If you're in this world in this life at this time, you're working some way, some shape or form, right? Life is gonna require you to work. What healing and doing the work has taught me is that I'm one and my therapist, I will say this too. I think it's so important. My therapist said to me when I came to when we finally, you know, established some rapport and had had multiple sessions. She shared with me, she says, I want you to know that what you're about to do is gonna be hard. It's gonna be really hard. There's it's actually going to get to a point where it's gonna be, it's gonna feel harder. Life is gonna feel harder than it does right now in this moment, which kind of gave me pause because I'm like, I came to you to make it like thank you. Like harder and harder. I didn't come here for hard. Where's where's easy street? I didn't come here for hard. And she said, it's gonna get harder. And then what's on the other side though is yours, and it's I'm telling you, it's worth it because and you're worth it, is what she said to me. She said, and so that promise kind of that she gave me that was kind of loose, um, but had did something for me. And it was like, you know what? I one thing I do know for sure is that I don't I don't like and love every part of who I am today. I don't feel good about um, you know, how I'm handling certain things. My heart is aching so much. My mom has trans, it's been five years and I'm still crying like it's you know, it happened yesterday. Yes, I'm still moving forward in life. I'm getting new jobs, I'm having a baby, um, you know, got a doctorate degree. Like I'm still progressing in terms of kind of the American dream and checking those boxes, but none of that is bringing me joy that's sustainable. I'm I hit the next accolade. I'm telling y'all, I'm happy for five minutes and I'm already ready for the next mountain. Okay. That's a sign that something else is going on. Again, so when I say about seeking outside of yourself, that was what the way that I did it through high productivity, through the next job. Yes, yes, I'm that. One thing, one thing I never was was a straight A student. I gotta tell y'all, I gotta be honest, I'm not a straight A student, I was never that. But some people it shows up that way. That's a great example. I'm sorry, Kim. I'm like, oh, that wasn't me, y'all. I don't want to be out here pretending like I had that. That wasn't me, but I was a hard worker. The concept of lies, you're good. I think I just had a moment where I was like, oh, I was not a good good student, but that's okay. That's a story for another day. And yet here I am with the doctorate because I got myself together. Um, but I I kind of pivoted. What I was trying to say was remind me, what was my the thing I was trying to say about my oh, oh, that you are worth the work. That's the thing that I want people to know. That you you're gonna work anyway, you're already working. So work in a way that actually gets you to back to yourself, work in a way that actually helps you to, if you already feel whole, to maintain right and feel good about that wholeness. If you don't feel whole, work in a way where you're getting to a place where you're reclaiming your wholeness. So again, it's that intentionality around the work. Yeah, is something that I just wanted people to walk away with in terms of just that's something that's important. But I also feel like that um folks get discouraged by trying to move into doing um therapy or trying different modalities because it's like it takes a lot of courage to be able to do that um in the work, but you're worth it. You're worth it.

SPEAKER_01: 33:30

I think that um you're worth it is a fabulous place for us to end the conversation because say that I want to keep going. Um, but you're worth it. You're worth it, you're worth it, you're worth it, you're worth it. I think we can't tell ourselves that enough. I mean, I journaled too, I knew I liked Hugh Harper. Um, but you know, I write down an I am statement every single morning. And a lot of times it's worthy. Like just remind yourself that you are worthy. Like you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy. Um, so I think it's a great reminder for everyone. But we do have one more question for you. Yes, definitely without answering the question that we ask every single guest, and that is uh, what's the best piece of advice that you've ever received?

SPEAKER_00: 34:20

Yes. So I would say the best piece of advice I've ever received, and um and by I received is just that it's a message that resonates with me, is a quote by Oprah, and it's you get in life what you have the courage to ask for. And it's something that I actually have typed it up onto my computer and like printed it out. I put it on my laptop, it's on my mirror, like it's everywhere to just remind myself of like courage. It's in me. That's also part of wholeness, right? Being able to trust yourself and know that whatever it is that's on your heart, you're able to, you're able to do that thing. It's in you that to do that thing, but you gotta go for it. And by asking for it is like giving yourself permission to do it. It's the first ask, right? And then you accepting it, okay. The next ask is whoever you need to ask to be able to help you do the thing because we're not meant to be alone. We are creatures that are very social, we crave connection, all of the things, right? So, who else do you need to ask to be on this journey with you to do the thing that's on your heart, right? So it's it's and it's multiple asks. It's not just one ask. It's not just one, but the first, the very first is the ask to yourself.

SPEAKER_02: 35:38

And you never get what you want in unless you ask for it. That's right.

SPEAKER_00: 35:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 35:43

That's great. Yeah, that's great. So, Harper, where can people find you?

SPEAKER_00: 35:48

Yes, so people can find me on harperabailey.com. I'm also on um IG, um, harper underscore a bailey. And I'm there often kind of dropping nuggets, sharing a little bit about what I'm up to. I got a lot of fun things coming up. Um, and uh I want to stay in touch and let people know that they're worth it and that wholeness is our birthright. So I'm on a mission and I'm gonna keep going. Okay, fantastic. Thank you guys. And listeners can buy your book on Amazon. They sure can. You can go on Amazon. Um, and if for folks who are looking for alternative ways to buy the book, they can go on my website as well and get the book. Um, there's also an option for some people want to get a sample and check it out and see what it's about. You can go on my website and be able to download the first chapter. So, and know that the first chapter, y'all, I go there. So just just get ready. You're not gonna ease into it. Maybe ready. Okay. So it's a boom bam. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01: 36:48

I like that. I'm like, just get to the point. Yeah, what are we talking about? Come on, come on. Yeah. Well, this has been a wonderful conversation, and I really appreciate your authenticity and your bravery and your courage because there is a ripple effect, and I do believe that you're gonna help so many other people uh in this world. So thank you for doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00: 37:09

Thank you, and thank you. Thank you, both of you, for what you are doing and the courage that you all have to be able to create a space, right, for people to come on and have these conversations that need to be had. And so thank you for you know, rising to the occasion and living out your soul's purpose. So, you also both of you are light workers, and so I'm I'm with my people and I'm excited. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 37:34

Well, we call you friend now, and it's uh the best part of our day. So we enjoy it. Yeah, so thank you for that. And listeners, until we meet again, go find joy in the journey. Take good care. Thank you for listening to the Medovia Menopause podcast. If you enjoyed today's show, please give it a thumbs up, subscribe for future episodes, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend. Modovia is out to change the narrative. Learn more at Medovia.com. That's M I D O V I A.com.