The Real Reason Midlife Men Lose Their Drive (Personal Development Wisdom Snippets) | #563

What if the midlife crisis isn't a breakdown, but a breakthrough waiting to happen?

Snippet of wisdom 94.

In this series, I select my favourite, most insightful moments from previous episodes of the podcast.

Today's snippet comes from the career coach Anna Urnova, who talks about why midlife doesn’t have to mean decline, and about the wake-up call to reconnect with your purpose.

Press play to discover how clarity of direction can reignite your energy and unlock a more fulfilling life.

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VALUABLE RESOURCES:

Listen to the full conversation with Anna Urnova in episode #410:

https://personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com/410

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Coaching with Agi: https://personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com/mentor

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Conversations and insights on career transition, career clarity, midlife career change and career pivots for midlife professionals, including second careers, new ventures, leaving a long-term career with confidence, better decision-making, and creating purposeful, meaningful work.

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Transcript

[Agi Keramidas]
Welcome to Personal Development Mastery Podcast. This is another snippet of wisdom, where I select my most insightful moments from previous episodes. Today's snippet comes from the career coach Anna Urnova, who talks about why midlife doesn't have to mean decline, and about the wake-up call to reconnect with your purpose.

Keep listening to discover how clarity of direction can reignite your energy and unlock a more fulfilling life. Let's dive right in.

[Anna Urnova]
First of all, I would say, even though the signs are quite common, what's important is the message I would like to share with your audience, that it's not normal, it's just not normal in a way that it doesn't mean that now this is how your rest of the life should be, and you should just settle and accept that youth is gone, and basically that's the way. You just have to suffer and self-sacrifice, because believe me, a lot of men believe that's the way. They believe that's the way.

They believe that, okay, well, now it's just kind of downhill from here. I literally get comments and messages, yeah, it's all downhill from here, right? Guys, this is just too early to be downhill from here, and I believe that the first thing is to accept this is common, but then see it as an opportunity, right?

See it as an opportunity. Another thing is like a lot of guys do, and what you said is when they're stuck, because what happens, men lose sight. They lose sense of direction.

They lose clarity, and to a man, this means often loss of energy. These two things are very connected for men, because how, let's say, okay, I'm generalizing here, but let's say there's masculine, there's a feminine energy, and generally, if you're a man, then masculine energy will be dominated, especially if my clients mostly become the ambitious, the career-oriented, the overachiever often, right, the kind of pace setter type guys. When they lose clarity and sense of direction, it's like the whole world is falling apart from them, yeah?

So that's why I believe the first step is the most important for men is to regain purpose, to regain the sense of direction, because once that happens, boom, the rest kind of dominoes fall into place, not automatically. You still need some work done, but I believe this is really important, and here, of course, I have a danger of using this word purpose, which is overused and which is such a cliche, and a lot of people are using this word, but, and I have to say when men, and men know that. They often tell me I'm trying to find my purpose, but they are looking in all the wrong places.

One thing, they're trying to think into their purpose. They basically try, you know, like, it reminds me, like, for instance, in corporate, I spent my time in corporate before I was a coach. We constantly had these meetings where we would create these mission statements, you know, and then the agent, we hired agency, and they polished these mission statements, so they kind of look good, and all of our stakeholder groups would approve, you know, and kind of, it would look on paper, and men kind of tried to do something like that.

They try to define their brand. They try to put the mission statement, and they try to put things like, I don't know, climate change and sustainability on there. Some words that they feel will be like, you know, in fashion right now, right, so that's one direction.

Another direction, they try to stick, look around who's doing something that kind of pays well, but also looks like more fun, and they try to kind of copy-paste. Oh, okay, it seems like everybody is a coach now, so I'm a coach now, or everybody's writing an e-book now, so I'm, and they kind of try and do that, and I'm saying it's all fine. The only reason I'm saying it's not the right way is because in my system, when you are on the right purpose, the number one sign is that your energy comes back online.

You're naturally, intrinsically energized, and the best way I can describe it is how my clients do. When they're on purpose, it's like, for instance, imagine you've just had a hard day at work, and you're on your couch, and you don't want to see anyone, and you only can browse channels on TV or something, or not even that, so when your purpose comes online, and then suddenly, you get a call, or you have an idea that has something to do with your purpose, and what a lot of men say, suddenly, they feel energized.

They jump off the couch, or they take a notepad, or they take their phone, and suddenly, it's like a door opens. I'm exhausted. I'm tired, and I'm energized at the same time.

I think it's not the only example of being on purpose, but it's one. Purpose is a lot deeper than just your mind trying to put a nice mission statement together. Purpose is how you, let's say, naturally wired to serve the world, to share your skills, talents, gifts with the world.

I know it's big phrases, everything, but it has a very practical implication. Some men may be wired to be a writer and influence the world through words and ideas, but if another man will start copying him, it's not going to energize him. He will be feeling like, again, trapped and having to write, yes, or imposter syndrome or something, or let's say, even sustainability, climate change.

Of course, we all have to be involved in dealing with the mess that we all created as a humankind on the planet, but every man has his own way, his own purpose on how he will be involved. Again, some may be more of a guide. Some may be a problem solver.

Another guy may be a writer about it, and so on. Another guy may have to work with very technical engineering, something technical side of it. What I'm saying is that the first step is to really find why you're here, so to say, and what it is that you want to share with the world and how, because that will define the direction, let's say, the North Star of how the rest of your career and life will develop for you.

That's really the first step. I find that for majority of mid-career men, once they get this purpose clear, really clear, and it's not just connected to the, you know, looks good on paper and it kind of feels nice when you say it. It energizes them, makes them wake up feeling, hey, I'm doing that today again.

Thank God, you know. Can't wait. It almost feels a little bit childlike, not childish, not childish, but almost childlike, kind of, you remember when we were children and there was a new play and we couldn't wait to wake up and it's like going to bed was such an interruption to what we were meant to be doing.

That's kind of how it felt, how it feels.

[Agi Keramidas]
Thank you for listening. You will find the full conversation with Anna Urnova in episode 410. The link is in the show notes.

Enjoying these powerful insights, help keep them coming and become part of the movement at personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com slash support. Until next time, stand out, don't fit in.