Teresa and Tonya UNPLUGGED
Teresa & Tonya UNPLUGGED is a heartfelt and inspiring podcast that chronicles the personal journeys of two friends, Teresa and Tonya, who have dramatically changed their lives through bariatric surgery. With a focus on weight loss, wellness, and the ups and downs of life before and after surgery, this podcast offers a unique blend of personal stories, expert advice, and supportive tips for those considering or navigating the path of weight transformation.
Teresa Parent and Tonya Spanglo, having experienced the challenges and triumphs of bariatric surgery firsthand, share their insights, lessons learned, and the lifestyle changes that have helped them maintain their health and happiness.
Each episode features discussions on topics ranging from the emotional aspects of weight loss and the importance of mental health to practical advice on nutrition, exercise, and navigating social situations.
This podcast is more than just a weight loss podcast; it's a community where listeners can find motivation, encouragement, and understanding. Whether you're curious about bariatric surgery, in the midst of your own weight loss journey, or looking for ways to support a loved one, Teresa and Tonya invite you to join them in this unplugged version of the podcast.
Teresa and Tonya UNPLUGGED
Intimacy After Extreme Weight Loss
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In episode 7 of Transform Your Life, hosts Teresa and Tonya open up about their transformational weight loss journeys, not shying away from the intimate details. Dive deep into a candid conversation on how shedding pounds and undergoing skin removal surgery have redefined their experiences with intimacy and sex.
With honesty and vulnerability, our hosts highlight the pivotal role of self-confidence and the power of feeling desirable, touching on the positive affirmations and unwavering support from their partners. They emphasize the importance of fostering a supportive environment where feeling loved and accepted by a partner can lead to a richer and more satisfying intimate relationship.
Teresa and Tonya tackle the tough topics, too: from the blowback of sharing personal challenges to the mental burden of obesity. They discuss the transformative mental and emotional relief that accompany weight loss, making room for presence, engagement, and enjoyment of life's pleasures, both big and small. As they address the challenges of finding intimacy while grappling with past struggles of negative body image, Teresa and Tonya illustrate the powerful effect of media representation on self-perception, underscoring the significance of self-acceptance and happiness at any size.
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Welcome to Transform Your Life with Teresa and Tonya, where we talk weight loss and all things in complete.
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Hey, guys. Welcome to experience from your life with Teresa and Tonya. Let's talk about sex, baby, after weight loss. Hey, Teresa. Hello, my love. How are you? Did you love that intro?
I absolutely love when you sing, and I think talking about intimacy and sex is a really, great topic and especially relatable to weight loss. And it's definitely relatable
to weight loss and skin removal that we both just had. It's it is totally different for us in the bedroom. I will say that. Intimacy is I'll just jump I'm gonna jump right in. But, intimacy is at a place for us. We're the oldest we've ever been, and we're the most intimate we've ever been. So I will say that.
Definitely the most on fire that I have ever been in my entire life. You know, in all seriousness, I went because I weighed over £600 for most of my life, I did not have an active sex life. I literally went, the last time I had had sex was when I was 22 years old, and I'm 45. And, that was something that right? I know. And and I know that there's people who are gonna say, well, you can have sex when you're big. Of course, you can. I did not feel comfortable in my body. I had a 47 pound hanging apron that hung down to my knees that literally was a physical barrier to being able to be intimate with somebody.
And, for me, I missed that. I I missed getting to have that intimate relationship with somebody. And after having the skin removal surgery, I remember for the first time, I started allowing myself to, like, imagine what that would be like. And about 7 months after my surgery, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna put myself out there. I was absolutely terrified because I'm like, I have no idea. I have no idea how to be intimate with somebody. I don't know. Are they gonna judge my body, all the stretch marks, you know, whatever loose skin I still have.
Like, how is that gonna be? And but I was brave, and I put myself out there on some dating, dating apps. And I met Mike, my boyfriend, and, I was so nervous. I remember dating in the beginning with him, and I was terrified to have sex at all because I was like, oh my god. Not only am I gonna be bad
at it.
Like, what if he doesn't like my body? Right? All the things.
Yeah.
But I'm so glad that I pushed those fears aside and allowed myself to engage in that level of intimacy, not just the physical intimacy, but the levels of emotional intimacy, by being able to connect with somebody on that level. It's just, a complete game changer. And my life, anybody who knows me has seen. I'm smiling all the time. I'm happy all the time now.
You are. You are. And I love the way you put that too. It's not just the intimate part. It's not just the sex. It's not just the act of it. It's the whole thing around it. You know? So our stories are completely different because you just started, and I've been with Bobby since I was 15.
And so he's who I've known, and he's seen me literally through the phrase the thick and the thin. I mean, we're into the thick of it. We've been in the thick of it our whole time. And now we're in the thin of it, and it's I'm I'm I'm the thinnest I've ever been since he's known me. I've never been this thin. Even at 15, I was already morbidly obese, and so he's never known anything. He's he doesn't know this body just like I don't know this body yet. I'm only 5 weeks out from my skin removal, and so things are so different.
Even before, though, when I lost the weight. So I was a when I was morbidly obese, I was a lots out, hitch black, dark, clothes on, only off what had to be off kind of girl, kind of wife. Like, that and that was me. And now I'm like, maybe we might leave the lights on. Maybe I might walk in the bedroom, and I'm already naked before I get in the bedroom. Maybe I might I mean, I you know, it's it's a confidence that I don't even know. I think I have a confidence for a hot second, and I think I might buy a sexy lingerie piece or a sexy robe and only have the robe. And then I put it on, but in my mind, I'm like, who are you? Like, you literally wore a mumu.
I wore a mumu every day for my life, even when I was younger, and to bed with underwear on, like and now it's everything is totally different. And then I've got Bobby who I try to talk about these things with him, and he's like, I've loved you the same this entire time, and I I can attest. No. You have not, son. No. You have not, boy. Let me tell you you have not. You have never loved me the way you're loving me right now.
You are lying. And he's like, no. But I'm talking about, like, I loved you even when you were obese, and I still love you now. And I'm like, yes. But things have changed. Things have changed for the better.
Yeah. The way that you feel mentally, emotionally, and physically, it shapes your experiences, and it definitely shapes your experiences in the bedroom. Like you said, lights off. Like, you don't want to be seen. I remember when I first was with Mike, I made sure the lights were off, and I had candles lit, but it was, like, 2 candles. So it wasn't very bright.
And I was like over in the corner?
Yes. And I was determined that I wasn't gonna be fully nude because I was embarrassed. And so, like, I remember, keeping my bra on for as long as I possibly could. And now well, you know, first of all, I will say that being with a partner that makes you feel loved and beautiful and sexy and gorgeous, that is important. You never wanna be with somebody who's gonna make you feel self conscious or downgrade you or degrade you because of your body or the things you've gone through. They're not the one for you. No. And Mike constantly tells me that he, admires and endures and loves my body the way that it is, the scars, the incisions from my surgery, the stretch marks, that all of it.
He is constantly reassuring me, makes me feel beautiful, not just when we're in the bedroom and engaging an intimacy, but throughout the day. He's always telling me, I'm gorgeous. Oh my god. You're sexy. Look at the outfits you're wearing. And that, to me, it builds up the entire experience so that when we are physically intimate, I feel beautiful and sexy, and that feeling that you exude is what will be attractive to your partner as well. Right?
Right. And so I'm not used to that either with Bobby before. And like, he says the whole time, yeah, I've always loved you, and he has always loved me. And I've always loved him. Like, that love has not went anywhere no matter what size either of us, had been. But now since I have had weight loss surgery throughout the day, just like you say, and he's never done this before. And I and I would never tell him these things that I noticed. We're driving in the car, and he just looks over at me and he says, you are so beautiful or I'm so lucky.
You're amazing. He gives me all these compliments throughout the day just like what you're saying. And it doesn't make me love him more because I can't love him possibly anymore, I think. But, it just it's like before, I didn't feel worthy. If even if he would've said those things to me before, I would've been like, shut up. Like, just drive. Or I just didn't feel worthy of the compliments. Now when he says those things to me, it gives me chills just to think of we've been together our whole lives, but it's almost like we're really was.
Like, it's almost like because he's getting to know my body, and I'm getting to know this body, and we're doing it at the same time. And it just it's almost like we're just in love all over again, And it's a beautiful thing when you think about it. Like, when I sit in fact and think about it, it's it's a beautiful thing. It really is. The things that weight loss can bring to your life, and not that you can't have successful relationships and the ultimate love when you're obese. Not that you can't have that, but now we can both attest to both. After losing the weight, it changes everything. It it's changed everything for me.
Skin
I literally was like, great. You've gone I missed all of my twenties thirties with being able to be physically intimate with somebody. But I will say now that it is better than I ever imagined, not only because I'm madly in love and totally crazy about Mike, I
and This bigger so I and after we Because
center a it
but the whole process is beautiful. When I get out of the shower, before, I had no mirrors in my house ever. We had the 2 little bitty round mirrors above our sinks to brush our teeth. So I was like, test up. That's it. I didn't really see myself. Now I have mirrors everywhere. So we have a mirror on the back of our bathroom door.
So when you pull that shower curtain open, you're right there. You're naked in the mirror looking at yourself. Well, my husband hates it. He's like, do you think I wanna look at myself and see my belly? And I'm like, I'm sorry, but I do wanna look at myself. So I just stand there in the mirror out of the shower, and I'm just looking, and I'm just like, I'm in disbelief. I literally am in disbelief of the body that I have. I just am.
So since I had my thylosurgery, I will admit even though it's a little embarrassing, I have looked many times in the mirror constantly, but also was laying in bed because I have to wear, wearing the the SAHA, the compressing garment that goes down to your ankles that has the opening where your vagina is. And Mike and I both because I just lay there. My it's like, oh my god. It's right there. And it's and I'm like, it's beautiful. Hi. Like, I I
love you. I've missed you.
I have not served you your entire life, but I promise you, honey, we're gonna make up for all the lost time.
It's like a long lost best friend. And before, I shared after I had lost a lot of weight, I shared the funniest video ever, and it was like the little dog that has, like, one whisper over here. I feel like that's her. Like, I feel like I've bushed her my whole life because I could never see. So I was like a blonde a blonde beautician trying to manicure. And once I was done and once I wasn't and then I'm like, this is all my husband has been dealing with, and he's never complained. And now he's like, well, now you have no excuse because she's around there. So manicure is the word of the week around this house.
We are gonna be manicure and, I mean, top notch. It's top notch. As before, it was like a scout cat.
I have the image of an alley cat in my mind.
Yes. Like a alley cat. It's like that little it has a whisper over here hanging out and one over here and one down here. Nothing was where it was supposed to be before, But I didn't know that this is where it's supposed to be. Like, I didn't know that.
You know, now, I'm obsessed with lingerie. I'm obsessed with buying all the sexy underwear. Like and you see me. I'm wearing sexy clothes. I'm wearing miniskirts. I'm doing all the things, and I don't care that I'm 45. I'm happy. I'm healthy.
I'm alive, which is something the doctors told me I would not be by the time I was 45. And I am feeling and embracing my sexuality and my intimate relationship. And, no, we're not out here preaching to go we're out having sex all over the place with different people. We're with 1 we're with 1 partner, both of us. We're both in love. You're married. I've been with Mike, and I'm in love. I'm just enjoying this phase of my life.
And with the this would not be happening had I not lost all the weight and had the skin removal surgery for me. It just would not. And you were talking about having to, always be on the bottom. And now I'm like, oh my goodness. Being able to experiment. Just being able to, like you know, when you see a movie, you see a woman, like, sexy, I'll crawl into the bed or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.
I could never do that at £600. I couldn't do that with £50 of skin hanging from my abdomen. But now I'm like, hey. You know what? I'm the possibilities for these experiences.
I'm getting a visual of you. Well, you crawl into the bed and you have lingerie. I mean, we pop on.
Well, you gave us the alley cat visual, so I had to go back with some of it.
That one was not that was not a good one. As far as the sexy underwear underwear, though, girl. So, you know, I had, a fat transfer in my breast lift, and so that means no support whatsoever for months months. I'm not sure how many months, but I can't wear, so, like, I have the the tank top that have just red on. That's what I have to wear.
But
've snatched when skin
and
but
you
Visit Prep and Recovery.
Good for us. You know, when I went to see, my surgeon, doctor Charlie Chen, I went to see him for my follow-up, and Mike and I were both were like, thank you. Thank you. Because without you, sir, I would not be enjoying having a physical relationship right now at all. I would not, and I honestly would not have had the confidence had it not been for the skin removal surgery. And for me, it it was necessary to be able to have sex, to be to have that skin removed. And every day, I wake up, and I'm happy. I look forward to my life now.
I know that being with somebody who reinforces that and who shows me that every day, like, Bobbie does with you, I never had that. I always would see other women and think, wow. She's gorgeous, and all the men must look at her. They must check her out. She must have this and that. And now for the first time in my life, I have men, other people checking me out. I have people telling me that I'm beautiful and that I'm sexy and all those things, and it's incredible. I've never felt that.
But to have Mike's gaze, to have him look at me, and it just gives me shivers and goosebumps when he looks at me and tells me I'm beautiful or I'm sexy or you can see that he's physically attracted to me. Like, I never had that, and I'm just completely obsessed with it. And we all joke about it all the time. Like, oh, we know Teresa's having all the sex. I am. And I'm gonna share about it because it is a natural part of life, and it is a benefit of losing a massive amount of weight. I've taken back control of my life, and this is one of the things that I get to do and get to enjoy. And I'm so glad.
Right. It's a perk. It's like a perk of weight loss and the and just like you said. So even after losing all of the weight that I lost, I still was on the bottom. I still was I had all the loose skin. So then even it was even worse, honestly but
couldn even
come I whether it be in the bedroom, whether it be while I'm shopping, whether it be posting on social media. Oh, yeah. We're gonna get the negative comments of, you know, maybe we shouldn't be discussing these things. These things are kept in the bedroom. No. These are things that go along with being obese, having weight loss surgery, having skin removal. These things, you know, that Teresa and I, we're gonna talk about the things that no one else is talking about because we want you to know that you're not alone. You're not alone if you're morbidly obese and feel like you can't satisfy your partner.
You're not alone if you're stuck in between and you still have your loose skin, and even though you've lost the weight, you still don't have the confidence that you thought you would have. You're not alone. And you're also not alone if you've had your skin removed and lost your weight and more excited in the bedroom than you've ever been. You're not alone in that either because that's where we are right now. It's seasons just like we talk about this entire weight loss journey. So many things are different for everyone, but it's just season. And this season we're in right now,
it is freaking awesome. Say that I have never felt happier or healthier or more present because we've talked about this before with how being massively obese, it comes with all the mental and emotional preoccupation of having to move that body around, of having to exist in that body. And because I'm not spending all of my time and energy and thoughts on how am I gonna fit in here, how am I gonna go there, that guy is not gonna think I'm cute, or they're gonna see my skin. Because all of that energy is freed up, I am able to be present in the moment and enjoy my body and think about things like wearing sexy lingerie or making love with Mike or doing things like that that I never would have even dared to dream about. Like, I it was almost like it was, illegal for me at £600 to even think or want to have a sex life. You know? And I know that, again, that's not everyone's experience. But for me, that was so sad. I still and I've told you this.
I I mourn the fact that I'm 45, and I can't have babies. I never got to have babies. I missed that being able to be physically intimate during the time in my life when I could have had babies. And I feel like, in a way, it's one of the reasons why I wanted to work in education, why I want to share with the world my journey because I'm like, you know, I can't raise babies. I can't impart my life and who I am onto kids, but I can share my story. I can help other people and maybe someone who's in their twenties or their thirties, or who's in a position where they could still have babies. Maybe they're going to make that choice to take control of their life and embrace it, and maybe they'll get to do that. You know what I mean? Maybe they won't have to struggle all the ways in which I've struggled.
If I can just help anybody, that, to me, is worth all of it. It's worth putting myself out there and being vulnerable because it is not easy for someone like me who was over £600 and who tried to be invisible her entire life to openly discuss loose skin, to openly talk about sex. That stuff is embarrassing to me. I grew up in a large Catholic military family. You don't talk about those things. So it's not easy to do that, but you and I, we do this because Right. We were blessed with this platform. And it's why we started the podcast and the academy because we want to help uplift, inspire as many people as humanly possible while we have this, you know, of this amazing platform.
So Yeah. Let people know they're not alone. You know? And, yes, some things are considered taboo and, oh, don't discuss those things. And, and maybe and and if that's you and you didn't want to hear this, that's okay. It's okay. But this is our journey. This is a part of it. And for me, like, you resonated with me just now.
I think we motivate each other all the time and we don't even know it. You just resonate with me when you said you were preoccupied. Because even after I lost the weight, I had all the loose skin. And I can remember times during intimate times with Bobby. My mind was elsewhere. It was on what is he feeling right now? He's feeling a roll. He's feeling a loop. He's my loose skin is tough.
This, like, this boob is over here, and this one's up and his you know what I mean? I was preoccupied, so I couldn't even enjoy the the act. I couldn't enjoy it because my brain was elsewhere. I was so focused on, is he even attracted to me? And we're married, and we've been in love our whole lot with each other, but I still was encompassed with those thoughts. And so you just resonated with me when you just said that because now I don't think I thought about any of that one time. Like, I I honestly it hasn't been a lot of times since my stand alone because I'm only 5 weeks out, and I kinda broke the rules a little bit. But but, we're gonna talk about that, and doctor Redmond don't listen to this podcast. But, you know, I I don't think I've had a single thought like that, honestly, and that's freeing to me. Like, that's a whole new opening up so many possibilities for us just with weight loss, just the skin removal.
Like, my thoughts. There's your thoughts are so important because you talk to yourself more than you talk to anybody. And so what we tell ourselves, we tend to believe. And, like, I just realized that when you said that. I thought, you know what? I have not had a single negative thought, and that's never happened before.
There is significant power in the gift of being able to be present in the moment. And I think for both of us, weight loss, skin removal surgery, what that has given both of us is the gift of being able to be present in the moment because I know, for me, weighing over £600 for most of my life, I was never in the present moment because that present moment was so painful. I was always worried about the past. I was projecting into the future, and I was losing my now. I was, I lost it for so long, and I had it back now. And existing in a body and a and a soul that is present in the moment is beautiful because you are able to be completely engaged. Like, you and I are engaged in this conversation and resonating and bouncing off of each other and inspiring each other and hopefully other people. You don't get that when you are so worried about the future or you're preoccupied with negative thoughts, And that is so beautiful to me that we both have that in our lives now.
And, again, this is why we share. We talk about these things because maybe you're not at the point where you are existing in a body or a mindset where you can embrace the moment and just be positive. But we've been there. And everything we share, we hope that you can take little bits and pieces of and transform your own life and your own, you know, your journey just the way that we've done.
Yeah. We hope that it resonates with you. I know the people out there that they're just like us. They're they're in their comfort zone. They don't wanna step out of it. This is out of our comfort zone. Just to do this episode on intimacy, we've talked about this a lot. It's out of our comfort zone.
Because when you've been morbidly obese your entire life, you don't ever talk about intimacy because you don't think you're worthy of it, because you don't think your partner is going to enjoy you. Because, you know, the movies we see, they're a size 4 women always in the sexual scenes. It's never people who look like us how we looked. You know? And so I know there are people out there that this episode resonates with. This is an important podcast. This this episode, I hope that people will take it and, like what you said, just take a little tidbits with them and apply it to their life and be like, oh my gosh. That's me. Like, that's that's me.
What you just said about the representation of women in movies in our culture
Mhmm.
That is something that has hit me so deeply, over the past few years because when I'm, like, with Mike, for example, or with with anybody, I'm thinking, do they well, if they find her attractive and she's a size 4 with huge boobs and a perfect body, how can they possibly find me attractive? And that is something that is so devastating to so many women. But, again, I'm so glad that we're talking about this because I was alone for most of my life. I didn't know that other people struggled with these thoughts and feelings with obesity, with all of the issues that come with it. And just hearing you say that, I'm like, oh my god. Again, it's like a light bulb moment where I have felt that my entire life. And even though I've lost all the weight, I I have skin removal surgery, I still see women like that. And I'm like, oh, maybe that's the beauty standard that I'm supposed to strive to be. But, no, we're beautiful.
It's not. We're beautiful just the way that we are. We are happy. We are healthy, and I you know, this is why sharing is so important.
Yes. Wherever your happiest is, that's where you're beautiful at. I can tell just in the year that I've known you, you've bloomed, like, already. You and I feel like you feel the same way about me. And we have friends that we know that have gone through this whole entire process. And it's almost like watching a flower balloon. It's it's just like you were closed now and you were shut. And with the weight loss and with the journey and with your mindset and your soul and all the happiness that you get, it's just it's like you bloom.
You transform. You know, you just transform your life. And so that's why we're sharing this today. It's super important to talk about. We're growing women. We can talk about it, and I'm proud to talk about it. And I hope that you got something from this episode. You guys, I love you, Teresa.
I love you that we are I love that we are happy in life, and I just think it's such a wonderful thing. It's a wonderful feeling. You know? Like, it's our stories are completely different, and we are so different, but yet we resonate with each other on so many deeper levels than I could have ever imagined. And I I just love it. I love the friendship that we have, and that's it just blossomed just like we have.
It absolutely has, and I am obsessed with, like, our friendship. Like you said, we are we couldn't be more different, but have so many similarities. And to me, that speaks volumes because we know that there are millions of other people out there who are also just like us who are trying to transform their life, and maybe they need a little support, a little motivation, a little inspiration, and, hopefully, we can be that source for
you guys. So thank you guys. Through this podcast through this podcast, we'll give you that support into our transformation academy that just launched yesterday. It's it went live yesterday. The link for that is in both of our bios on all of our socials. And so if you're needing help through your weight loss journey, we're here for you. We got you. We've been there.
We've done that a 1000 times over. And we love you guys. Thank you for listening today. I hope that you got something out of this intimate episode, and you will take the little tidbits and apply it to your life. See you later. Love you. Bye.
Thank you for tuning in to the Transform Your Life podcast. And remember, your journey to a happier, healthier life starts with just one step. Together, we'll guide you towards sustainable weight loss, holistic wellness, and a renewed sense of vitality. Don't wait any longer to invest in yourself and unlock your true potential. Visit our website now to learn more and sign up for our transformation academy. Your future self will thank you. Let's transform your life together. Go and visit transform your life with Teresa and tonya.com, or you can go over to Instagram and check out our podcast page.
The link is in our bio. Go do it now. Your future self is going to thank you.
