Ep. 148: When You’re Winning at Work… but Your Home Life Is Falling Apart

You’re the woman who handles business like a pro.
 You lead, you manage, you perform—you get things done.
But behind closed doors? The dishes are piled up, the laundry’s never-ending, and your brain never shuts off.

If you’ve ever felt like the woman who’s winning at work but quietly losing the battle at home—this episode is for you. I’m breaking down why this disconnect happens, why it’s not your fault, and the simple evening reset that can bring immediate relief.

But I’m also going deeper… because peace doesn’t come from a cleaner kitchen or a better planner. It comes from rebuilding your life on purpose—starting with the way you think, the way you live, and the way you manage your energy. That’s exactly what we do inside ACL—and today, I’m inviting you to take the first step.

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Balancing Act of Work and Home Life
• 0:27 Finding Peace Beyond the Surface
• 1:00 Embracing the Present as a Midlife Mom
• 1:39 The Key to Effective Home Management
• 2:09 The Struggles of Working Women
• 12:51 Creating Systems for Home Life
• 21:59 Implementing the Evening Reset Framework

Transcript

So let me start off by saying, even if you are not a working mom, you will be able to take a lot away from this episode. So this one is designed specifically for working women, but if you have a home that you manage, I promise you will be taking a lot home from this episode. So here's what I want you to know. I want you to know that there is kind of this pain that many, many, working women find them with.

It's this pain that, again, I manage everything at work. People assume I have it all together, and of course they would based on what I do at work, but they have no idea what it's like in my home. And not only that, it's a struggle within yourself. It's this frustration, it's this disconnect that you feel in yourself because I can manage all of the people. I can do all of the things. I can manage my time well.

I'm super efficient, I'm super productive, I get things done at work. What's wrong with me? You ask yourself, what is wrong with me that I can't get it together at home? And it is so frustrating. It's painful. It's just hard to face it. You haven't done anything wrong. It's so important to understand that this is such a common problem. There is this secret shame, I think.

that many successful women carry. it's this number one, all women, I think, feel this need to meet up, meet the expectations of the highlight reel, right? The highlight reel that you see on social media, the highlight reel in the pretty picture and the prettiness of the lives of your friends and family and acquaintances. And again, just people that you see, it's seeing their prettiness.

and assuming that that's what it looks like in their homes and in their lives all the time. We don't think about that though. We don't think about the fact that we only see the highlight reel. And I find this is especially acute in the lives of working women. I'm surrounded by a lot of colleagues, right? A lot of business owning, business building women. And I find that they fall into this struggle so, so often. So just know that you are not alone.

I hear things like, people assume I have it all together, but they haven't seen my kitchen. They say, I manage multi-million dollar projects, but I can't keep the laundry off the couch. Here's why this actually happens. Number one, mental load. This is kind of a buzzword lately I find, but it is such a good word because there is so much validity and feeling seen and heard and understood.

inside this concept of mental load, right? It's everything you carry around in your mind. It's everything that you have to manage. It's everything that you have to sort out. It's everyone who is counting on you. It's keeping all of the projects and all of the to-do lists and all of the places to go and people to see straight. It's managing the mental load at work, but it's also managing the mental load at home. And guess what? Your thoughts manage all of your emotions, which

are the basis for all of the actions that you take. All of the things that you do and do not do start as a thought. And guess what? That's all part of that mental load too. And so you can see how your brain really is this super highway, super computer, and by default, this mental load that women, especially women who feel like they've got so many different plates to keep spinning in the air.

and especially among successful women. This mental load is something that is so heavy. But this is part of the reason why there's such a struggle to keep it all together. So mental load. This also happens because of emotional fatigue. Well, I just said, right, that your thoughts or your emotions and feelings come from your thoughts. And so it only stands to reason that if you're at capacity mentally,

You're also going to be at capacity emotionally. When your brain is on overdrive all the time, your emotions and feelings are affected and you spend a lot of time in this fight or flight or freeze mode. Again, it's because you have no choice. It's because there's no room in your brain to really manage your thoughts more effectively, more strategically. So it's like you're always in that fight, flight or freeze mode.

You're always in this defensive mode and so your emotions by default get so, you have so little space to manage your emotions, to manage them effectively, to manage them in a way to process emotions in the way that really we need to process emotions in order to manage them correctly. There's just not enough space in your brain to do that. so emotional fatigue is also a reason why it's so hard to keep it all together.

Another reason why this happens is because you don't have systems at home like you have at work. And the thing that makes work systems easier is that by default, you're probably not the one designing them all. You probably have supervisors or managers or SOPs who have laid all of this out or the SOPs that have laid out these systems. And so basically you're just executing the systems.

Now, of course, there's probably some that you've come up with as well, but chances are when it comes to your workplace, whether or not even when you're building your own business, you're not the one who's having to come up with every single system. And most likely in your home, that does fall on you. And so you by default, it's hard to set up these systems. What does this even look like? Know that I've got a couple of really good strategies that speak to this for you today.

Make sure you're hanging around for all of this. But this lack of systems, this is part of why it's so hard to keep it together. And then also, the final reason I'm gonna talk about here is this guilt and unrealistic expectations, that highlight reel. And then the guilt that happens because our lives don't look like the highlight reel that you think everybody else can easily achieve, almost in an effortless way.

And then one final thing worth noting is that when I survey women, more than 85 % of them raise their hand and say, on some level, I struggle with perfectionistic tendencies. And so there's also this perfectionism trap that comes in here. This whole idea that if I can't do it right, I don't do it at all. And so there's the disconnect, right? This disconnect from your work, self, and your home.

Because you see your work self as calm, collected, got it all together, professional, in high execution mode. And at home, the way that you would describe yourself and the way that you see yourself is completely the opposite. You would probably use words to describe your home self. You'd probably use words like lazy, a hot mess, can't get it together, I manage my time badly, I lack motivation.

I lack energy. But again, you wouldn't say any of those things about your work self. So there's this huge disconnect. And so here's what you need to understand is that we're going to start with these systems, right? Because these systems are what helps your work life flow. They're going to help your home life flow as well. So at work, you have likely got structure, you've got support, you've got accountability. And to some extent,

You've got all of this to be, you've got accountability to someone else or at least to your job. And so by default, all of these things, right? The structure, the support, the accountability, a lot of that stuff that's already built in, you're just there to fill in the gaps. And in reality, someone else, even if it's just your job, is helping you make decisions rather than you having to make all of the decisions, right?

Even down to the what time your workday starts, right? You might have someone else, a job description, telling you what time your day starts, telling you what time your day ends. So even that basic little part of a system makes your workday feel more manageable because you know what the clear guidelines and expectations are. And so in the workplace, your workplace demands are helping manage you.

It's not all you managing you, but that's what it is at home. So at work, you've got this structure support accountability. At home, you would likely describe things like, I've got chaos, I've got endless decisions, and everything falls on me. But here's this one important thing I want to make sure you notice right now. And if you're half listening or multitasking, listen to what I'm about to say.

Your home is not failing because you're lazy. It's failing because you're unsupported and unstructured in a different way. Right? Your home is not failing because you're lazy. It's failing. And by the way, failing is a strong word. I would not choose that word. I just know that working women come to me and tell me they're failing at home. So I'm using that word because it's a word

that I know many, many, many women, working women and women in general will identify with, but hear me when I say, you're not failing. But let me go back to this important statement that I wanna make. Your home is not failing because you're lazy. It's failing because you're unsupported and unstructured in a different way. Here's kind of this key shift that I want you to make right now. You don't need more willpower. You need the same kind of strategy and care that you give to your business.

in your work. You just need it adapted for your home life. So I've got a framework here that's going to help you. This is called the evening reset framework and it's got two parts. So the evening reset framework, this is something that's here to, it's designed to help you. Well, let's talk about part one. Let me jump into part one. Part one is the after work reset.

And this really is designed to help you release the day and reclaim your space mentally and physically. So often we think about just the physically part, but we also mentally is just as important. So here's how to make this happen. Step one is a five minute visual reset. So when you get home or when you step out of your office or when you're ready to step out of the role of work, you're going to pick one space in your home.

Pick a good space, a really important space, like maybe the kitchen counter or the entryway where everyone drops their stuff or the desk and go on a quick, tidy, not a deep clean, just a reset. So you're gonna pick this one high, this one powerful place and you're gonna do set a timer. For five minutes, you're gonna just reset it. Don't overthink it.

Don't make any big decisions about what to do stuff. Just make it look visually calmer. The reason this is so important to spend just five minutes doing when you're making this shift from your work self to your home life self is because your brain craves visible order. It is wired to long for and crave visible order. It's wired that way. And so creating this visible order

It just feels like progress immediately. So you can see how this shift, right? If you're gonna move from I feel lazy, unmotivated, out of control, if you now have five minutes where you feel like you've spent five minutes but you feel like you've made some progress, you can see how the shift can start to happen. So step one is that five minute visual reset. Step two is a brain dump and decide.

Basically what this means is you're gonna empty all of those tabs that are open in your head. You're gonna empty those. You're gonna write down what bothers you. You're gonna write down what needs to be done. You're gonna write down the hard parts about your day, the things that were frustrating that made you feel so taken advantage of or so disappointed or so whatever. You're gonna write down what is swirling in your brain. First, you're gonna dump out.

all of those pieces, just dump them all out there. Then you're going to look at what you've dumped out and from all of that, you're going to pull out three things. Number one, one thing to do right now. Number two, one thing that can wait until tomorrow. And number three, one thing that you know you just need to let go of. Maybe it's that, you know, that angst or that anger about something that happened at work.

Maybe it's an expectation that you are seeing on paper that you have of yourself. Maybe it's the idea that you're not going to get your full half hour walk in today, but you're going to accept a 10 minute walk instead. One thing that you're going to let go of. So one thing to do now, one thing that can wait till tomorrow, and one thing to let go of. And so now you've dumped and you've decided because you've decided again, one thing to do now, one thing to wait till tomorrow.

one thing to let go of. This simple act of deciding gives you peace and momentum. so step three in this whole kind of after work reset is to create a, is this concept of a peace trigger. So you're gonna pick, you're gonna pick one thing that signals to your brain that day is over. At the end of the day, what is gonna signal to you? It's time for me to step into a peace and a calm.

And so maybe it's dimming the lights. Maybe it's turning on music. Maybe it's wrapping up in a blanket. Maybe it's going to be saying something out loud like a mantra. Maybe a really good mantra is, I've done enough. It's time to rest. Here's what you need to know. There's always more to do tomorrow, right? But what you're saying is, is I've done enough. It's time to rest. So it's that small moment.

that moves you from go, go, go execution mode to rest mode. So you can also, by the way, I would suggest this peace trigger, you apply it in two places. You apply it at the end of the day because you want to end your day in peace and calm. But I also suggest that you do it right after the brain dump and decide. Because again, you've dumped everything out.

You've given your brain some breathing room and some space. Implementing this peace trigger at this time also will help reset you to I'm at home mode and it will make you more ready for that job. So that's all of part one. That's your after work reset. Part two. Now you can do this right after part one. You can do this before the end of your day, right before you get to maybe that peace trigger.

or any time after work, when does it feel right to you? So you decide on the timing, but you need to get ready for tomorrow. This is where you're gonna create a head start for your tomorrow self so that your tomorrow self or so that your today self can go to bed without overwhelm knowing that you've given yourself this jumpstart and so that your tomorrow self can get started without the overwhelm. So here's what this looks like. Step one in this strategy is to prep

one zone. You're going to choose one thing that can make, that will make your morning go smoother. Maybe you're going to decide on and set out the clothes you're going to wear tomorrow. Maybe you're going to do a kitchen reset. Just the basics, right? One of the things I love to do in a kitchen reset is put all of the dirty towels and dirty washcloths and all of that, put that in the dirty laundry and set out clean ones.

If that is the only thing I can get done from a kitchen reset, it's amazing how much, how reset you feel after doing that one thing. So resetting the kitchen. Maybe you're gonna pack your bag or your backpack or your purse. You're gonna pack what you need for tomorrow. Maybe you're gonna pack your lunch. You could also put your keys in your water bottle where they need to be or anything else that you need to remember. Maybe it needs to be on the kitchen counter. Maybe it needs to be on the...

table next to the door, wherever it is. You're gonna prep just one zone to make your morning go smoother. Don't prep your whole life here. You're just making one thing easier. Step two is to preview your day. Look at tomorrow's calendar and ask, what's already scheduled? Here's a really good question. So again, if you're listening or doing two things at once or multitasking, listen to this one. Look at your calendar and ask yourself,

What's going to take the most energy? What's going to take the most energy? Another really good question. What's one thing that will make me feel successful? So when we're doing this preview of your day, know that it's not about planning every detail. It's about waking up with clarity instead of confusion. The third step here is to protect your piece. This is your official sign off. Put your phone down.

Do something that you enjoy for the last 10 minutes of your day. Maybe it's reading a book. Maybe it's listening to some powerful mantras. Maybe it's doing some breathing exercises, taking a deep breath and giving yourself permission to rest. Your nervous system needs to know it's safe to stop. It's okay to set everything from today and to basically close out today and

You'll pick it back up tomorrow. Here's what you need to know. You don't need to fix your whole life. You don't need a color-coded command center or the perfect meal plan. You just need to change how your day ends. You need to change the shift from work to home life and from home life to resetting and buttoning down the day and closing out my day. That's where real momentum begins.

because when you shift from work to home and when you end your day with peace and attention, number one, your home life can start with power and your tomorrow can start with power. And you start becoming the kind of woman who leads herself at home, not just at work. So this really is your first win.

When you put these, when you establish these two systems that we talked about today, and when you start implementing them, this will be your first win. But what if your whole life could feel this way? If this resonates, know that you're not alone and you're not stuck. This is what I help women with every single day in my coaching community, accomplished lifestyle. And the best news is in spring of 2025, it has been entirely.

updated all brand new content. We have a completely new path. We call it the butterfly path. This completely new path to transformation. We've got a sticker chart that's going to help you track your milestones. We have bonuses that unlock in all of our four major butterfly milestone levels. We've got more live calls. You have opportunities for live calls morning, afternoon, evening, because we want to make it work for everyone.

almost every single weekday, you have the opportunity to come live, to learn, to be coached, to gain your focus, to gain insight, encouragement, accountability. We have accountability groups so you can go deeper with a handful of other women who get it and who are working on the same thing as you. Come visit us at accomplishedlifestyle.com. It is where you will continue to grow in what we've started to build right here.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You're not lazy. You just need the same structure that you have in your work life. You need that same structure at home. And that's among the many, many, many things that I help women with as a coach every single day in Accomplished Lifestyle. We'd love to see you there. Again, visit accomplishedlifestyle.com to get your journey started. Until then, make it an intentional day.