Ep. 153: Why You Keep Starting Over—And How to Finally Move Forward

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “Why do I keep starting over?”—this episode is for you.
In today’s teaching, I’m sharing one of the most powerful presentations from the 3-Day Life Reset Experience—a free event happening now—and walking you through the real reasons we get stuck in self-sabotage cycles (and how to finally break free).
We’ll talk about mindset, emotional weight, and how to reset without shame. You’ll learn a 3-part strategy you can use immediately to stop spiraling and start moving forward—even when life gets messy.
If you're tired of feeling like you're falling behind, you are not alone. And you are not broken.
You just need a better system—and that’s exactly what we’re unpacking today.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Intentional Midlife Mom Podcast
• 0:28 The Three-Day Life Reset Experience
• 0:53 Embracing the Present as a Midlife Mom
• 1:32 The Key to Effective Home Management
• 2:02 Embracing Midlife Transitions
• 13:03 Understanding the Cycle of Starting Over

Transcript

Well, here's what I know. As someone who is now 50, I am officially in my midlife mom era and I have been for a little bit now. I know that life is kind of a roller coaster of emotions, of thoughts, of experiences, of all the things. Last night, last night as I'm recording this right now, I watched my fourth child graduate from high school and as a homeschool family, as a homeschool mom.

This is a very personal experience. I've now launched four amazing humans into the world. And as I sat there, I was proud, I was grateful. But also, if I'm being honest, I was a little bit unsure of myself because anytime a chapter closes, there's this quiet question that seems to follow. hey, if you're listening today, welcome. I'm not sure if this is your first time.

Your hundred and fiftieth time listening to us here on the Intentional Midlife Mom podcast, but welcome. We're so excited you're here. And let me say this too, if you know a mom who is also in midlife, and especially if you know a mom who has a graduate this year, make sure that you share this episode with her. All right. And if you're listening because someone shared this with you, that's amazing. You know that you are on their hearts. It's great to have friends and family members and ones we love.

who love us like that. So here's what I know, whenever a chapter closes, there's this quiet question. Okay, but what happens now? And that's exactly what I wanna talk about today. If you've, again, ever whispered to yourself, I can't believe I'm doing this again, I'm starting over. We're diving into one of the most powerful conversations from the three-day life reset experience. And again, this is my free online summit experience happening right now with

17 amazing speakers, 21 life-giving presentations, and registration is open. Make sure you check out the show notes for the link to register free. So one of the presentations, again, that I'm sharing in the Summit experience is called Why You Keep Starting Over and How to Finally Move Forward. Because there's this real reason that you're starting over that you're not aware of and that nobody's telling you about. And here's the spoiler.

The fact that you're starting over, it's not a willpower problem. You're not lazy, you're not broken. You just weren't taught how to reset with structure, especially in midlife. I know that feeling well. Years ago, I kept trying to lose weight. I was starting and stopping over and over again. Each day there was a fresh start. Let's just say it was on a Monday, right? I'm gonna start again fresh on Monday.

but by Thursday I had already fallen short and I was already beating myself up. The problem wasn't my effort. The problem was what I believed about myself. Because here's the truth. If your thoughts say, never follow through, your actions will match that statement.

There are really two different patterns at play here. And I talk about these all the time with my coaching clients. Thing number one is that you will find evidence for whatever it is that you believe. If you believe you are going to succeed, you will find all of the evidence that helps you see that you are capable of succeeding. And this is the piece that is missing because so often, especially when we...

are stuck in this pattern of starting over and starting over, all we ever see evidence for is all the times we failed. We see all the times we failed in this situation when we've tried before. We see it in all the ways that we failed in other things that we tried and didn't follow through with. And we see it in all the big and small ways that we fail or so we tell ourselves every single day. So you find evidence for whatever it is you believe is true. This is pattern number one. Pattern number two,

is that your behavior reflects who you think you are. That's powerful, isn't it? So if you believe that you are a quitter, your brain will subconsciously make you quit because who you believe yourself to be, the identity you have for yourself and the way that you identify yourself, this will always win. We commonly fall into another trap.

We use short bursts of motivation instead of building sustainable systems. In fact, how many 30 day challenges or 10 day challenges or five day challenges have you started and not finished? And if you've finished them, how many of those are you still applying the principles of what you learned, the concepts, the ways that they impacted your life? How much

are those things still impacting your life today? So many times these things that we learn, they sound so amazing in the moment. But often when the dust settles, these things that we learn that we know are so motivational, so helpful, so powerful, they come with this do it perfectly or fail kind of pressure.

not that anyone else puts on ourselves, but that we put on ourselves. And with this pressure on ourselves, on the one hand, we also know what happens on the other hand, which is life, real life happens. You get sick, your kid needs you, your job explodes, you miss one day and you miss two, and then suddenly you're back in the shame spiral.

Let tell you about one of my coaching clients, Patricia. She's a mom of three and she downloaded a decluttering challenge in January when we're all thinking about decluttering especially, right? So she downloaded it in January. printed it. She printed the checklist. She got all the new bins and she dove in with this strategy. But then her teenager got sick and then her schedule went off track, hugely off track. She missed

two days and then she quit. Why did she quit? Not because she didn't care about decluttering anymore. It was because her system couldn't bend with her life. Another one of my coaching clients, Michelle, she is a working midlife mom and she's in that empty nest season. She kept starting a 21 day reset. It was one of these resets that was

full of journaling and morning routines until she walked into a really stressful season and it completely knocked her out of rhythm. What she needed wasn't a challenge in that moment. She needed a framework that allowed her to adapt with her season.

So here's a third reason that we keep getting stuck. We ignore the emotional weight behind our stuff. Whether it's clutter, whether it's unfinished goals, whether it's neglected habits. These things are not just frustrations in our lives, they are mirrors.

Every pile, every missed routine whispers, why can't I keep up? Everyone else is doing better. I'm falling behind.

A short time ago, I worked with a woman named Sandra and she stopped inviting friends over. Not because she didn't want to, but because her house felt like proof that she was a mess. Every corner screamed, you're failing. But here's the shift that we worked on and here's the shift that you need to work on. Your environment is not a reflection of your worth.

It's a symptom of your season. Let me say again, your environment is not a reflection of your worth. It's a symptom of your season. When Sandra gave herself permission to be human, I say it every single day in my text messages with clients, permission to be human. So when she actually gave herself that permission to be human,

and work with her life, not against it. Everything started to change. If you find yourself in this cycle of starting over and falling off track, and starting over and falling off track with whatever it is, here's a question. Here's a quick reflection prompt. Ask yourself, what have I told myself when I have failed before?

Think about that, what is that? That's question number one. What have I told myself when I failed before? What is that mirror? When you look at yourself, what are you telling yourself about you? Because remember, this matters. Because remember, whatever it is that you believe to be true, you will find the evidence for. And as we pile up the case against ourselves and the fact that we're never gonna make progress, we're never gonna change, that's never gonna happen for us.

we're forever going to be stuck when that is what you're seeing and telling yourself when you look in the mirror, this matters. So what have I told myself when I failed before? That's question number one. Question number two is what would change if I believed I wasn't starting over? I was just continuing the journey.

So here's what I'm calling the self-reset strategy. We wanna talk about what to do instead. You don't need, in all reality, you don't need a fresh start. You need to reset from where you are right now. So here is this three-part method that I teach inside my coaching programs and I teach it inside the three-day life reset experience. Again, it runs live for free.

from May 19 to May 21, but registration is open for your free ticket right now. Make sure you head to the show notes to get that. But let me share this real quick, this three-part strategy that I teach all my coaching clients when they feel stuck. Number one, pause without shame. Step number one, pause without shame. Really, what we need to do is normalize the stop-start cycle.

It's part of what the process looks like. In reality, pausing is not failing. It's just adjusting. Ask yourself, when you are shaming yourself, ask yourself, would I say this to a friend? Would I talk to a friend the way that I'm talking to myself about this? Ask yourself, what would I say to a friend who feels like she's stuck?

in a stop start cycle. Every coaching client that I work with on this resonates with this idea. Resonates with this idea of thinking about how would I talk to a friend? What would I say? Would I talk to a friend this way? Because when you step outside of your own head, the judgment fades, the shame falls off, and you start showing yourself grace just like you would show that friend grace.

So step number one is to pause without shame. Step number two is to re-center or maybe re-align with clarity.

Instead of reacting with guilt or pressure, get intentional. Ask, what is the next smallest thing that I can do to feel in motion again? What's the next smallest thing I can do to feel in motion again? It could be something as simple as drinking a glass of water, putting one thing away, saying one kind thought to yourself.

And when your brain tries to spiral, pause and say, yep, I have to deal with that and I will deal with that, but not today. So re-center or re-align with clarity, that's step two. Step three is to reset with support. Reset with support. Because in reality, you don't have to do this alone and you shouldn't. It's hard to get unstuck alone.

It's why I've got workshops on this topic. It's why I've got lessons and coaching calls on this topic inside my coaching community called Accomplished Lifestyle. It's why I have a presentation personally dedicated to this in the Three Day Life Reset Experience because support matters. Inside the Three Day Life Reset Experience, you will find that structure. You will find that support.

you will find coaching and you will find community. Because when you're surrounded by people who are also working through the messiness of real life, it's a whole lot easier to keep going. It's why beyond the three-day life reset experience, it's why I have coaching communities, coaching challenges.

Inside my coaching community, Accomplished Lifestyle, we've got support every single day for women who are dealing with feeling stuck, they're dealing with clutter, they're dealing with self-talk problems, they're dealing with mindset frustrations, they're dealing with energy disconnection, right? I just don't have the energy. It's not even a time management issue. It could be an energy management issue sometimes.

But these are the things that myself and my accomplished lifestyle team, it's what we are helping women with every single day. Here's the thing, when you find yourself starting over, know that you're not behind. You're just becoming. You're just stepping into a better version of yourself who's there to keep trying to start again. Every restart, it's not a failure.

When I talk about failing and I have full lessons on this one thing alone, I teach women that it's not about failure, it's about feedback. Failing can be nothing more than data collection. So when you feel like you're stuck in this stop start and this restarting structure and you feel stuck and starting over, let me offer you this statement to remind yourself of, call it a mantra.

We love mantras here on the podcast. Here it is. I'm not starting over. I'm just continuing from where I left off. I'm not starting over. I'm just continuing from where I left off. Here's the last little bit to add to this mantra. So I'm not starting over. I'm continuing from where I left off with more wisdom than before. Remember it's that data.

It's that feedback that you gathered the other times that you tried. I'm not starting over. I'm continuing from where I left off with more wisdom than before. Repeat after me. I can move forward without punishing myself for the pause. I can move forward without punishing myself for the pause. Let that just sit. Just internalize that.

for a moment, maybe you need to hit pause. I can move forward without punishing myself for the pause. In reality, you don't need to overhaul your entire life to create meaningful change, but you do need systems and support that you can return to without guilt. And that is exactly why I created the three-day life reset experience. It's free, it begins on May 19, and you can register right now.

It's filled with tools just like the ones we talked about today, plus 16 incredible speakers who are covering topics like simplifying your home life, budgeting without anxiety, getting your energy back, navigating the chaos and the feelings and emotions of midlife and finding yourself again as the roles around you change. Know that the summit is free to attend.

but you can also get lifetime instant access if you choose to upgrade to the Summit Superstar, All Access Pass. You'll see that option once you register for free. So you can attend all three days of speaker presentations, plus I've got a day four bonus implementation day where I'm teaching you all day that day for free. So go register right now. The link is in the show notes. Know that you're not stuck.

You're just ready for a new way forward. Let this reset experience be that way forward for you. Until we talk again, make it an intentional day.