Ep. 161: When Belief Is Hard: 3 Ways to Move Toward the Life You Want — Even When You Don’t Believe You Can

If you're in a season where belief in yourself feels hard — you're tired, nothing seems to be working, and even your best intentions keep falling flat — today’s episode is for you.
We’re going to talk about 3 powerful shifts you can make that don’t require you to believe in yourself first. Because here's the truth — most of us wait to take action until we feel confident…
But confidence doesn’t come before action — it comes because of it.
So today, we’re walking through 3 ways to take small but bold steps forward — even when you’re weary, discouraged, or secretly afraid nothing will ever change.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Embracing Action Over Confidence
• 0:31 Three Powerful Shifts for Change
• 0:53 Embracing the Present as a Midlife Mom
• 1:32 The Key to Effective Home Management
• 2:02 Welcome and Introduction to Intentional Midlife Mom Podcast
• 3:03 Shifting Focus: From Perfection to Progress
• 7:24 Interrupting All or Nothing Thinking
• 10:57 Borrowing Belief: Building Confidence
• 14:21 Transformation Week: A New Opportunity for Growth

Transcript

Well, hey there. My name is Jennifer Roskamp and I am the host of the Intentional Midlife Mom podcast. And I want to welcome you here today, whether this is your first time here or your 150th time here, welcome. And if you know someone who needs to hear this message as well, would you share it with her? That's how this podcast gets out. We also would love it if you could leave us a review wherever you listen to podcasts. That also does the same thing. So, so often women tell me, I know

what I want, I just don't believe that I can actually get there. So here's the first reframe that we need to step into. We need to be able to shift from have, I have to get there to it just need to show up here. So often we're focused on there that we forget everybody starts here. I often like to remind my coaching clients, everyone starts at the beginning.

Everyone starts at the beginning. Everyone starts when they feel like they don't know. Everyone starts when it feels scary and hard in all the things. Sometimes we forget that it's part of the process. So shifting from this, have to get there to, I just need to show up here. That can be a huge shift right off the bat that helps. We also wanna make sure that we are focusing less on perfection.

We want to make sure that we are measuring progress by the efforts that we put forth, not the results that we're getting. And as humans, we're wired, naturally wired. And I don't know if women are wired more this way than men. I kind of feel like we are. Obviously, I'm not a scientist or a whatever. I don't know. But I feel like women are so much more critical of themselves than men.

And so naturally we're wired to notice the gap, not the gain. We can be 85 % of the way towards, we can be 85 % of the way to the finish line. But because we're not all the way at the finish line, because we haven't completed perfect success in our minds, all of our effort was worth nothing and we have failed. That's kind of another part about being black and white thinkers, which all humans come wired with. If you haven't achieved it,

with perfection, you have failed. If it's not right, it's wrong. It's pass or fail. It's good or bad. It's hard or easy. It's in our minds. takes so much. It does us well to step back and examine, am I applying this black or white, all or nothing thinking here in any situation because

Chances are if you actually step back and just take that pause and ask that question, you will find that you are. But we want to stop measuring progress by perfection. So instead of saying, did I get my list done today? Did I get this done today? What we want to ask is, did I make any progress at all? Did I take any action at all today? You could also ask, did I make any choices that aligned me

with what I'm trying to do. Because life comes in and messes up with things, right? Life comes in and messes up with our things, our plans, all the things. So really we wanna step into the first powerful shift that we need to make here. The first powerful shift that we need to make all circles back to this idea, focusing less on the outcome and

focusing on the process or the efforts instead. So again, rather than asking, what's the result? Where did I land? It's what did I put forth? Now, this does require a bit of honesty because we have to be honest with ourselves. There are times where we put forth a valiant effort. There are times where we put forth essentially our best efforts, but then there are also times where we don't.

And so when we're being honest, there will be times where you realize and have to take ownership of the fact that you didn't put forth the best effort, but that's okay. There's reasons why, right? Don't dwell on the, wow, you totally messed that up or wow, that was really lazy or whatever it might be. Once you recognize it, you say, yeah, that's not working out so well for me. I think I'll...

I think I'll try harder, right? So it does require an element of honesty. And when you find that you need to take ownership of something, just take ownership of it. That's how we move forward. Life really is a little bit of a dance of pulling ourselves along, being honest with ourselves and saying, hmm, I could do that better. I could do that different. I can show up more authentically, that sort of thing. So.

We want to focus on the effort and the process, not the outcome. So did I make any progress at all today? Did I try at all today? Did I show up and try? That's what we need to do, show up and try. So if the first way to move forward is to focus on the process, not the outcome, step two really is to interrupt

this all or nothing thinking that I talked about just a minute ago. Women are really incredible, I find. We juggle so many things. We wear so many hats. We fulfill so many different roles and responsibilities all at the same time. But as a result, we often fall into the trap of believing that everything we do has to be all or nothing. If I can't do it perfectly, why even try?

I didn't start on Monday, so I'll wait until next week.

Friend, you don't need a Monday. You don't need a new week. You don't need a new month. You don't need January 1st. You only need a moment to do something different, to start again, to try again, to do the hard thing, to show up and try. You only need a moment and you can choose that moment right now. What if we stopped? I like to ask my clients this. What if we stopped expecting every day to be fully productive?

or deeply transformational or highly successful. And instead we celebrated the moments that we chose intentionality rather than autopilot. I like to think about shooting for 80 % success. And this applies in so many different contexts. But I like to think about 80 % success in completing my

daily task list. What I thought I was going to get done today, I want to try to get 80 % of it done. Do you know how freeing it is to know to even be able to look at certain things on my list and say, yeah, I don't have to do that because that can be part of my 20%. But I like to think about not expecting, not expecting life to check all of my boxes because it won't. We need to give ourselves really

permission to start messy, to course correct, to get back up. In reality, none of this is failing. It's learning. It's showing up and following through. So we need to try to really interrupt this pattern, this thought pattern that we have, which is this all or nothing. I either have to do it all the way or no way at all. So

If you want to start moving forward, you need to interrupt that all or nothing narrative. The third step, if you want to actually make forward progress, if you feel stuck on whatever it is, you need to borrow belief until you can build your own. And this one is powerful because most women don't feel, really they don't feel like they can trust themselves anymore.

started things and they've not finished. They've made promises to themselves and they've broken them. And they feel embarrassed or ashamed or just weary of even trying again. So what do you do when you can't generate that belief or that confidence on your own? Did you know that you can actually borrow it? You can have zero confidence.

in yourself, but you can borrow confidence in order to have that. Here are three places that you can borrow belief from. Number one, a past version of you.

The version of you that made it through something impossible. The version of you who stayed up all night long with sick kids. The version of you who handled the crisis and still kept going. The version of you who really made a brave move, who took a risk, even when it scared her. You are still that same person. She didn't disappear.

You just forgot how strong you really are. So you can borrow that belief from a past version of you. The second place that you can borrow belief from is someone who loves or respects you. Could be a spouse, could be a parent, could be a best friend, could be a grown child, could be a trusted coach like myself, could be a therapist.

Could be someone that you know has been through this before and made it to the other side. Could be an influencer that you like or a podcaster that you listen to. Let their belief in you speak louder than your fear. Let their belief in you speak louder than your fear. Let their vision

for what's possible, anchor you until you can see it too.

The third place to borrow belief from is a coaching community that can see the best in you. This really is the fastest and most effective place to borrow belief from. Inside a space where your struggles are seen, but not coddled. Where the goals that you make, someone else is so proud of you for making them.

A place where you're reminded that you're not behind. You're just showing up.

And I say this, I talk about this coaching community because I have one. I developed one almost five years ago now and I see the magic that happens in there every single day. That's what I created, Accomplished Lifestyle, that's the name of my community. That's what I created it for. And beginning this week, for one week only, I am offering something, creating something.

inside this coaching community that I have never done before. And honestly, I'm not even sure exactly how I'm going to step into what I've created, but I know that I will. I'm borrowing belief. And I've created what I'm calling Transformation Week. It's not another course. It's not a get it all together kind of boot camper challenge. It's an eight.

day immersive coaching experience with live teaching and coaching sessions all day long. They start at nine in the morning and some days they don't get done until 10 30 at night going all day back to back to back. The women who are going to be there were a community of women just like you. You are also going to be able to this immersive experience

motivation shows up by default. So if you're someone who has struggled with motivation to take action, do the things you want to do, sometimes we sit around and we wait for motivation. This is going to bring the motivation because you are going to learn in lesson after lesson after lesson action steps that actually build momentum. I'm going to give them to you. And then of course,

starting at nine in the morning and sometimes going as late as 10.30, you're gonna get me. You're gonna get me coaching you, encouraging you, believing with you and for you until you can believe in yourself again. And here's what I want you to hear super loud and clear today. It's not your fault that you're struggling to believe in yourself. Belief is hard. Most of us were never taught

really how to manage our capacity. We weren't taught how to process our emotions or care for ourselves in a healthy way. We were thrust into adulthood with little more than survival skills and a to-do list and a hope. So that's not where your story has to end though. You don't need to have it all together. You just need to be willing to show up. This is what I want.

women everywhere to know. You don't have to have it all together. You just need to be willing to show up and try. So if this episode resonated with you, I want to personally invite you to join us for Transformation Week, Inside Accomplished Lifestyle. We get started on Friday, July 18. Doors close that day at noon, because starting that evening, that's when we dive into Transformation Week and

I've designed Transformation Week so that you have two different options in how you want to go through it. There is a weekend version where if you work during the day, you're busy with kids during the day, you don't have time to attend classes and sessions during the week because you've got responsibilities. That's why I created the entire Transformation Experience of Accomplished Lifestyle.

where you can consume it in one weekend only. But it could be that you have weekends with family and you say, I don't wanna give up my weekends. That's okay. We're gonna repeat the entire process again. We're gonna complete the entire curriculum again throughout the span of weekdays. So you will have not only two different options with how you want to join us and work with us.

in all of the levels and all of the lessons of Transformation Week, you will have two different opportunities. So if there are certain lessons that you miss on the weekend, you can come back and you can join us to watch that same lesson during the week. And you'll have lifetime access to the replays also. So even if you miss certain lessons on the weekend and on the week, you can come back, you can watch the replay.

You can fill in the gaps that you miss using the replays as well. So everything you need to come get some information about Transformation Week and join us, you'll find down in the show notes. Friend, you do not have to stay stuck where you are. You do not have to have belief in yourself either. You can use my three ways to move towards the life that you actually want.

You can focus less on the outcome and more on the process. That's way number one. Way number two is that you can interrupt the all or nothing narrative that we all have in the back of our minds all the time because we come wired that way. And the third thing that you can do is borrow belief until you build your own. And we talked about three different ways, three different places that you can borrow belief from.

I would be so excited for you to join us in Transformation Week. Until we talk again, make it a great week, everyone. We'll talk in the next episode.