Ep. 204: How to Keep Going With Clutter Even When You’re Tired, Stuck, or Doubting Yourself

In this episode that is laser focused on clutter, you’ll learn the most overlooked part of breaking the quitting pattern (why you always quit): how to rebuild trust in yourself. You’ll learn why motivation isn’t required to keep going, how to return after a pause without shame, and the real definition of consistency for women navigating both clutter and capacity. 

You’ll also get 4 clear rules to follow when motivation drops, a re-entry script that eliminates the guilt of stopping, and an identity shift that changes how you stay connected to what matters. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I can’t trust myself to stick with anything,” this episode will show you a new way forward…one rooted in reliability, not pressure.

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Rebuilding Self-Trust and Confidence
• 8:44 Sustainable Practices for Long-Term Change
• 9:12 Understanding Motivation's Unreliability
• 12:59 Creating Structure Over Emotion
• 15:55 Rules for Low Motivation Days
• 18:15 Redefining Identity in the Face of Difficulty
• 21:58 The Power of Returning: Embracing the Process
• 25:15 Staying in the Game: The Journey Forward

Transcript

Well, next we're gonna talk about the part that most women think is broken in them, but it actually isn't, and it's trust. Specifically trust in yourself. Many women believe that the reason they quit, whether we're talking about clutter or anything else, is because they don't trust themselves anymore. They say things like, I don't believe that I'll follow through. I don't have confidence that I will follow through. I don't believe that I'll be able to finish. I've let myself down so many times. This is just who I am.

This is how I do it. This is how it always turns out. And all of those things can sound true, but it's actually incomplete because here's what you need to hear clearly. You didn't lose trust in yourself or confidence in yourself because you failed. You lost that self-trust and that confidence because your system learned that effort leads to overwhelm. Confidence and self-trust, it doesn't disappear because you don't care.

you actually care a whole lot. Self-trust and confidence disappear because your brain is trying to protect you from repeating pain again. And so every time you think, I'm not gonna be able to follow through, I never follow through, this never works out for me. Every time you think, I'm not able to do this, I'm not capable, I'm just a failure, this never works. Anytime you think things like that, what's actually happening is your system doesn't trust the conditions.

And this distinction actually matters because we don't rebuild self-trust or confidence by making bigger promises to ourselves or by trying harder. We rebuild it by creating evidence that staying in the game actually is okay. And that evidence does not come from big wins. Big wins feel good, but they're unreliable. They require energy and time and ideal conditions and those things just don't happen very often. But self-trust and confidence, that is built through

Small, repeatable proof. Proof that says, I didn't give up. I didn't abandon myself. I came back. I started again. I stopped without quitting. I returned without shame. I'm done punishing myself about this. This is what your nervous system actually can trust. And so we're going to be changing what counts as success. Because most women measure success like this. How much did I get done? How far did I go?

What did I finish? But that measurement system reinforces that quitting pattern. It's basically creating a recipe for quitting. And so we're gonna replace that with a new thought. And here it is. Success is stopping without burning out and coming back without guilt or shame. Success is stopping without burning out and coming back without guilt or shame. That's it. It's not about how much you did. It's not about how clean it looks or

how motivated you felt. Whether you stayed connected to yourself and what you actually need instead of forcing or disappearing, that's what matters. And that is how trust and confidence is rebuilt in yourself. So let me say something important here. Many women are still waiting to feel confident before they trust themselves again. But confidence is not the starting point. Confidence is the result of evidence.

And evidence, how do we get evidence? Something has to have happened. Evidence only comes from actions that you can repeat without burning out. And so instead of trying to convince yourself that you're capable, we wanna be able to let your system experience that capability one small moment at a time, one small win at a time. And so here's how that looks on a practical level. Every time you stop early instead of pushing through, every time you pause,

and walk away without shaming yourself and having that whole conversation and self-punishment. It's when you can return without evaluating or judging or measuring. It's when you can continue without feeling like you're starting over. Every time you do those kinds of things, you're depositing trust into yourself. Think of it like a bank account. Big emotion, big emotional pushes when you just push, push through, it's gonna drain that bank account.

but gentle consistency, it fills that bank account. And most women have been overdrafting themselves for years. And so from this point forward, we're gonna stop doing that. So here's a sentence that I want you to practice replacing an old one. When you think things like I can't trust myself or I'm never gonna follow through or I don't follow through or this will never change for me or this will never get taken care of, I want you to practice this. I'm rebuilding trust through repetition, not pressure.

And what that means is I'm gonna prove to myself that I'm gonna keep showing up. And the next time, and I'm gonna show up again, and I'm gonna show up again, and I'm gonna show up again, even if I have to pause. That is what trust looks like. That is what sustainable trust and confidence in yourself is. But now we need to talk about the fear that shows up right around this point. The fear says, but what if I still quit? Or what if this doesn't stick? Or what if I fail again? That fear, it doesn't have to mean,

that you're about to quit. It means that you're close enough to actually care what happens next. And so instead of arguing with the fear, we need to contain it. So here's how we do that. You don't promise yourself that you're gonna keep working on it at least once a day or whatever it is until it's done. Do not make that promise. Do not promise yourself that you're gonna complete it or any part of it. Don't promise yourself transformation. You promise yourself

Returning you promise yourself that you'll start again that you won't abandon it altogether and That's really the only promise that matters So here's the promise that I want you to practice saying I don't promise to finish. I promise to come back That promise is believable that promise feels doable that promise builds trust and when trust can grow Confidence is going to naturally follow

Not because you told yourself to believe something that wasn't believable, but because your system now has proof. Now, here's a few grounding statements that are gonna kinda anchor what we just talked about. Number one, I rebuild trust by staying, not pushing. Number two, I am proving reliability through return. Number three, small evidence beats big intention. It doesn't matter what your intentions are.

What matters is the evidence that actually gets collected. Number four, I'm not abandoning myself anymore. And that's what you're doing when you allow that quitting pattern or cycle to just spin and spin and spin, and you keep repeating all of those conversations that just aren't true. And you keep expecting things from yourself that are not realistic. We've talked about so many of those things. And this whole idea of not abandoning yourself,

when the going gets rough or when your system needs a pause, that matters probably a whole lot more than you realize because quitting, it isn't actually about clutter. It's about self abandonment under pressure. And now with what we're talking about here, you're learning a new pattern. So next we're gonna talk about how to carry this forward, not perfectly, but in a sustainable way. Once we begin the sprint together.

So for today, again, remember, there is nothing that you are doing wrong. There is nothing that you have done wrong. And you are not unreliable. And you're not starting from zero. You are rebuilding trust the only way it actually works. And that is something that is going to make this experience with your clutter different from any other time that you have managed your clutter at all. And so, happy practicing.

All right, so by now you may be noticing something important. This isn't about believing harder. It's not about convincing yourself that you're different. It's not about hoping that motivation will just show up and stick around. What we're doing instead is we're building a way to move even when motivation doesn't cooperate because motivation is unreliable. It comes and goes. You can't count on it. It spikes and then it disappears.

And for most women, waiting on motivation is exactly what keeps that quitting pattern or that quitting cycle forever spinning. And so we're going to take motivation completely out of the driver's seat. And it's not because you don't care about motivation, and it's not because you don't care about the clutter either. It's because caring isn't the problem. Here's the truth that most women are never told. You don't quit because motivation drops.

but you probably think that's what's going on. But you don't quit because motivation drops. You quit because you don't have a rule for what to do when it does. And that when it does is super powerful because your motivation is going to spike and decrease. So we're creating that rule about what we're gonna do when motivation wanes. So first I wanna call out something clearly. Motivation dropping does not mean something is wrong. It does not mean that the plan

or the structure or the process failed. And it also does not mean that you're slipping back into old patterns or old ways of doing things. It means that your system is doing what systems do. And so instead of reacting emotionally to low motivation, we're gonna respond structurally. And structure is what keeps people going. So here's the core shift for us. You do not decide what to do based on how you feel.

Imagine, how would your life, let's just take a pause for just a second, how would many of the things that you do or don't do every day be different? How would those outcomes be different? How would the effort that you put forth be different if you didn't make decisions about what you were gonna do or not do based on how you feel? Like, that is mind boggling sometimes, right? So, this is our rule though, you do not decide what to do based on how you feel. You decide based on what keeps you connected.

Connection is the goal, staying in the game. It's not about productivity, it's not about speed, it's not about completion. Staying connected and staying in the game is what prevents quitting. So here's the first rule that I want you to adopt about motivation. Rule number one, on low motivation days, you do less, not nothing. Nothing is what breaks momentum. Less keeps that door open. Less might look like touching one item.

or spending three minutes, or standing in the space and naming out the next step, or clearing a single surface, or stopping before resistance shows up. All of those things, they count. They keep that door open because your job on low motivation days, it's not to worry about progress at all. Your job is continuity. And so here's where many women get tripped up. They tell themselves, if I'm only doing a little, it doesn't really matter or it doesn't count. And that's false. It's actually huge.

Little is exactly what keeps that pattern from resetting. And so these big pushes that we try to do and we just push through, these create dramatic starts, yes, but they usually create a crash that comes after that. Small returns create staying power. So here is rule number two. You never wait to feel like it to reenter because feeling like it is not a requirement to doing something.

feeling safe enough is. And so if you're waiting for things like clarity or energy or confidence or the right mood, you're waiting on the wrong thing. And so instead you need to ask, what is the smallest step that keeps me engaged in some way without overwhelming me? This is the question that keeps you moving without triggering the freeze. So now I wanna talk about a trap that shows up right around day six or seven of any

And that is comparison. Women start to notice what they didn't do, what others might be doing, the way it went before, how you used to do things, how well you used to execute, what still feels untouched. Comparison is dangerous because it pulls you back into that evaluation mode. And so rule number three needs to step in here. It's you measure success by effort and return, not by output.

So all you're asking yourself is, did I do something today? Not how much did I get done? Return is very simple. Either you did something or you didn't. It's very easy to measure. And if you returned even ever so briefly, you stayed part of the process, you stayed in the game. And that is a win. So now let's talk about something subtle but important. Some women don't quit loudly, they drift.

They think I'll do more tomorrow. They think I'll get back to it when I have more time. They think I'll catch up. That drift, it's fueling that quitting pattern, but in a slower way. And so we need to interrupt that, that drifting with rule number four. You never skip, this is powerful. You never skip two days in a row without choosing it on purpose. This is a big one and this is why, because life will happen, days will be full, energy will dip.

So skipping once, this is normal, but skipping twice without intention is how momentum comes completely unraveled. And so if a second day passes, you don't shame yourself. Then you choose either to reenter smaller or consciously pause and name when you'll return. Choice keeps you in control. Drift, drifting does not. So now I wanna give you a simple anchor statement to use when you notice your motivation dropping.

Say this instead of negotiating with yourself in any way. I don't need motivation. I need a next step that I can tolerate. It kind of is incorporating one of my favorite mantras, which is, but what am I willing to do? What am I willing to do? And whatever it is you're willing to do, you do that thing. That's it. It doesn't have to be a step that you love. It doesn't have to be a step that fixes anything or really creates any visible progress at all. It's a step that your system doesn't resist. The resistance is not too high that

You can't get over it. That's how you keep going when motivation isn't there. So let's practice a few sentences for today. Number one, I move based on structure, not mood. And we just created that structure. The point is you take a small step on low or no motivation days. And we talked about how small that can actually be. Number two, doing less keeps me in the game. And that's the goal. That's the goal. We want to break that pattern.

We want to break that cycle. And we know that motivation is going to not be there sometimes. And so we have to have a rule. And our rule says that doing less is gonna keep me in the game and that makes it okay. Number three, returning is more important than finishing. Number four, I don't disappear when motivation dips. We talked about what you actually are going to do. It's that one small step.

So next time we're gonna close this whole series by locking in how to carry this identity forward without turning it into another thing that you feel like you have to maintain perfectly. But for today, remember this, motivation will rise and fall. Life will stay unpredictable, but you now have rules that don't depend on either one of those things. And that is what makes this time different.

Well, we are closing out this series. And before we move forward, I wanna be very clear about what this series was actually for. It was not about psyching yourself up, and it's not about becoming a new person. It's not about convincing yourself that you're never gonna struggle with clutter or anything else again. This whole series was about changing how you relate to difficulty. Because the quitting pattern, the quitting cycle, it isn't about clutter.

It's about what you do when something feels heavy or emotional or demanding or like too much. And that pattern, it's gonna show up everywhere. And so today, we're not talking about motivation, we're not talking about tools, we're not even talking about outcomes, we're talking about identity, but in a very specific and grounded way. So here's the shift that you really have been making throughout this series, whether you realized it or not, if you've been tracking with me.

You are no longer someone who measures yourself by how much you get done. You are someone who measures yourself by whether or not you stay in the game. That's it. That's the only measurement. It's not about staying perfectly. It's not about staying consistently. Just staying available to the process. And that is a very different identity than most women have ever been allowed to claim for themselves. Most women are taught if you can't do it right, don't do it. Or,

If you fall off, well then just start over. Or if you pause, you failed. Or if it's hard, you must be doing it wrong. Or you have to wait for it to be easier. You are no longer gonna be operating under those rules because they don't work. And you now have different ones. So let me say this clearly because these are the rules that you'll come back to when things get messy again, because we know they will. Here are the rules you live by now. Number one, you stop before burnout.

Number two, you pause without shame. Number three, you will return without punishment. Number four, you do not disappear. Number five, you do not escalate. And number six, you don't abandon yourself. That's the pattern that you've been practicing while we've been here. And here's the part that I really want you to grab onto. You do not need to feel different for any of these things to be true.

or for any these things to be real. You don't need to feel confident. You don't need to feel calm. You don't need to feel ready. This is not an emotional shift that we've been talking about here. We've been creating a behavioral shift. You are changing what you do when discomfort shows up because discomfort is going to show up. Whether we are talking about dealing with clutter or anything else, there is always, almost always gonna be an element of discomfort that's part of the process.

So we are changing how we react and respond when we feel uncomfortable. That is what we've done. And that is what really creates long-term change. Now, I wanna talk about what will happen next because pretending this will be smooth would not be giving you the full picture. And at some point, probably sooner than you would like, one of these thoughts is gonna show up again. I don't have time for this. This is bigger than I thought. This is harder than I thought. I knew this wouldn't last. I'm falling behind. I've already fallen off. I've already quit.

I've already failed. When that happens, because again, it will, I don't want you to argue with any of those thoughts. I don't want you to fix them. I don't want you to spiral in them. I want you to notice them. Those thoughts do not mean that you are failing. They mean that you are back at a crossroads. You are back at a point where you have a choice. You now recognize these thoughts as, these are ones I should be on the lookout for. These are ones that I was told weren't true. But you're now at this choice point.

and you already know what to do at choice points now. You choose one of two things. You choose to return to the game or to disappear. And that really is the only decision that matters. It's not about how much you do. It's not about how fast you get back into it or how well you do. It's literally the choice of returning back to it or choosing to disappear completely. And.

You already know which one of those is gonna keep your power intact. You already know which one of those is gonna help move the needle forward. And so here's the identity statement that I want you to practice, not emotionally, but factually. I am someone who comes back. I am someone. That is how we assume an identity. We aren't talking about what you're gonna do. We're talking about who you are. And so you are saying, am someone who comes back. Not I am organized, not I am disciplined, not I am consistent.

Those are outcomes. I am someone who comes back. Now that is a skill. The coming back, the returning, the walking through the doorway. That's the skill and it works in clutter. It works in habits. It works in relationships. It works in life. But now we also have to talk about pressure because this is important. If you turn this into now I have to do this right or now I can't mess up because I have all these tools and I know what I'm supposed to do or now I need to keep going and I need to be able to prove to myself that this works.

Well, now you're gonna be recreating that quitting pattern, but essentially in a new form. So here is your permission clearly stated. You are allowed to struggle and stay. You are allowed to move slowly and still make progress. You are allowed to pause and remain committed. These don't contradict each other. They are conditions that make staying in the game possible. So,

Before we bring this all to an end, I wanna give you a simple anchor, something to return to when your brain tries to pull you back into all of those old rules and beliefs that just aren't true. These are so good to say out loud if you can. Maybe they're ones to write on a sticky note and post around wherever it is that you're working on clutter. I don't need to be perfect to continue. I don't need momentum to return. I don't start over, I continue, and I am someone who comes back.

Let me read through those again. I don't need to be perfect to continue. I don't need momentum to return. I don't start over, I continue. And I am someone who comes back, that's it. That's the work. There's nothing dramatic about it. It's not flashy, but it's also not exhausting. It's just solid, it's sustainable. And as you move into the sprint, if you are choosing to move into the sprint with us, remember this.

The goal is not to finish and it's not even to fix everything and it's not to prove anything. The goal is to stay in a relationship with the work. It's to stay in the game because the woman who stays, even if it's messily, even if it's imperfectly, even if it's inconsistent, that woman always goes farther than the woman who waits to feel ready, waits for the conditions to be whatever she wants them to be or thinks they should be.

You don't need anything different. You don't need anything different than that. You just needed a different way to stay in the game. And you have that now. And now you'll be ready to step into the clutter sprint with us. Make sure you visit jenniferroskamp.com to join us in the sprint. Until then, happy practicing.