Ep. 206: When the Weight Comes On and Stays: The Conversation No One's Having

Can we just be honest for a second?

I'm tired. I'm tired of the noise around weight loss right now. The before-and-afters flooding your feed. The "I lost 30 pounds and I've never felt better!" posts. The transformation photos with the glowing captions about finally finding what works.

Because here's what they're not telling you: half of them got a shot. Or a prescription. Or some medical intervention they're conveniently leaving out of the story.

And before you think I'm about to go on some anti-medication rant—I'm not. I'm not here to shame anyone's choices. If you decided that GLP-1s or weight loss medication is right for your body, your health, your life? That's your business. You do what works for you. You should be allowed to do so without anyone judging you. 

But here's what I want to talk about: what about the rest of us? What if that’s not your thing for whatever reason?

What about the women who don't want to go that route? Who aren't comfortable with the side effects, the cost, the long-term unknowns. The women who actually want to do the work—who aren't afraid of discipline, commitment, or showing up day after day—but who are hitting a wall that no amount of effort seems to break through.

Where's the conversation for us?

Because right now, it feels like the only two options on the table are:

1. Get the shot.
2. Accept this is just how it is now.

And neither of those are options you like.

And so this is the conversation we’re having here. We’re talking about it. So if this is you, this one’s for you.

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

• The Connection Circle for Women

Get some powerful mantras to inspire, encourage, and life you up when you need as little something intentional to focus on.

We have a beautiful pdf download of the 6 Mantras For Intentional Moms you can keep or print. Request them right HERE.

Visit The Intentional Mom

Follow us on Instagram HERE

Visit our YouTube Channel HERE

Rate & Review The Intentional Mom Podcast on Apple . We'd love to hear your thoughts on the podcast. If you listen on Spotify, you can rate & review us there, too.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Weight Loss Noise
• 2:43 Exploring Alternatives to Medication
• 3:08 Navigating Midlife Weight Gain Challenges
• 10:22 The Emotional Toll of Body Changes
• 16:17 Grief and Acceptance in Midlife
• 22:55 Finding Community and Support
• 30:03 Taking Action and Moving Forward

Transcript

Well, here's the thing. So it feels like for us as midlife women, when it comes to the weight that is creeping on, and I am hearing it everywhere. I am hearing it in my real life. I'm hearing it from my clients. I'm getting it in emails. I'm seeing it on social media. The frustration that women in midlife, perimenopause, menopause feel about this weight gain, and it just doesn't seem to budge. But in reality, it feels like for us as women, we're being asked to either medicate or just give up.

to smile and nod when someone says, well, that's just perimenopause, or that's just your body changing, or something similar. Like, we're supposed to be grateful for the explanation and just move on and say, OK. But we're not moving on. We don't want to be part of that conversation. We're stuck. We're stuck between two choices that don't feel like choices at all. And this is where many of us are right now. We're caught in this impossible limbo. We're doing the work. We're tracking the food. We're.

moving our bodies, we're adjusting our hormones, we're sleeping better, we're drinking water, we're following the protocols, and still nothing. Meanwhile, everyone else is celebrating their wins, and you're sitting here quietly wondering if you're the problem, if you're just not trying hard enough, if maybe you're supposed to surrender and call this your new normal. And so this episode, it's for the women who are tired of being sold quick fixes and who aren't afraid of hard work, but who are also exhausted by feeling invisible by

being told this is just what happens in midlife, like that's supposed to comfort us instead of make us feel dismissed. And so let's have this real conversation, the one where we don't pretend it's fine, the one where we don't try to coach you into acceptance, and the one where we don't hand you another protocol that you've already tried three times. Let's just talk about what's true and see if we can find a way forward that doesn't involve giving up on ourselves. And so by the end of our time here together, I want you to feel less alone.

Less like you're the only one kind of caught at this crossroads and I want you to walk away with something actionable. Not another magic plan, not a three step process, but a real step that respects where you are right now. Know that we're not about fixing you. It's about naming the reality that no one else seems to be willing to say out loud. Everywhere you look, I don't know if it's just me or if it's you too, but everywhere you look, someone's celebrating their weight loss.

I finally did it. I lost 30 pounds. I feel like myself again." And you scroll past and you think, good for her. And part of you genuinely means it. You're not a bitter person. You're happy when other people feel better and accomplish their goals. But underneath that, you're also exhausted because what they're not posting is the part where they got on Ozempic or Monjaro or...

or whatever the latest GLP-1 medication is making the rounds. And again, no judgment. If that's the choice that someone makes for their body, for their health, for their quality of life, well, that's their business. I'm not here to police anyone else's medical decisions. There's enough of that going on out there already. But what I am here to say is this, when those transformations flood your feed and they're not being transparent about what's actually made the difference, it creates this really

distorted picture for all the rest of us. And it makes you feel like you're the problem. Like if you just had more willpower or more discipline or more consistency or a different program, well, you'd be seeing those results too. And that's not true. And it's not fair because you have been consistent. You have been disciplined. You've done the hard things. Maybe like me, you've tracked your macros. You've done the fasted cardio. You've cut the carbs. You've added carbs. You've cycled the carbs. You've lifted heavy. You've walked 10,000 steps.

You've tried intermittent fasting. You've done the Whole30. You've worked with your HRT provider to get your hormones balanced. You've taken the supplements. You've prioritized sleep. You have done all of it and still the weight came on or it won't come off or it's just stuck. And so when you see yet another I did it post, it's not that you're jealous. It's that you're tired. You're tired of feeling like you're failing at something that you're actually showing up for and giving your all.

and you're tired of wondering what you're doing wrong when you're doing pretty much everything right, it seems. And here's the part that makes it worse. The options that you're being given feel impossible. Option one is that you get on a medication and maybe that's the right answer for some people, but for you, you don't wanna do it that way. You're not comfortable with something. You're not comfortable with the side effects or the nausea or the fatigue or the digestive issues, the cost.

because insurance doesn't often cover this. And the fact that you have to stay on it indefinitely or the weight comes back, well, that unknown just doesn't feel right for you. And so if that's off the table for you, there's a large amount of women who are with you. And if this is off the table for you, you're not judging anyone else, but it just doesn't feel right for you. And so option two is that we just have to accept that this is how our body is now. Embrace aging.

Practice body acceptance, love yourself as you are. And on paper, that sounds reasonable, but in practice, it's really hard to make that work because you can't force yourself to accept something that you're actually grieving. I've learned that midlife is this act of grieving what was in so many ways and maybe grieving the way that things look in the future and how they don't look much like you thought they would. And so where does this leave you then?

With these two options, it leaves you stuck, stuck in the middle of these two options that you don't want, stuck wondering if this is really it, if this is just your life now. And the silence around that, the lack of conversation for women like us, well, that's what makes it feel so isolating and so hard because it feels like everybody else has either medicated or accepted. And you're the only one standing here going, well, wait a minute, why does this really bother me? And why isn't there another option?

So I need to be honest with you about something. Five years ago, about five years ago now, I lost 45 pounds. It was one of the proudest accomplishments of my life. Not because of the number on the scale, but because I finally did something that I had been trying to do for years. I had finally committed. It was me. I finally followed through. I joined a program, a program that I still follow diligently.

and I learned how to track my macros, I learned how to lift heavy, I learned how to fuel my body properly, and I stayed consistent week after week, month after month, which for me is exceptionally a huge deal because way back as a young adult, I actually had an eating disorder. It was a lot for me to change my mindset and how I saw food and how I saw my relationship with that. But this program, worked for me.

And I felt so strong. I felt confident. I felt like I had finally figured out my body. And then, before I knew it, 10 pounds have come on in the last several months from nowhere. Well, not from nowhere, from probably menopause, from shifting hormones, from my body deciding that it had other plans. And listen, I know that 10 pounds doesn't sound like a lot. I know that some women would roll their eyes and think, that's it? That's what you're upset about?

But it's not about the number. It's about what it represents. It's about the fact that I have stayed consistent. I have kept showing up. I know my macros. I move my body. I work with my HRT provider. We've tweaked, and we've adjusted, and we've recalibrated. And still, this is where I'm at. And nothing that I do seems to matter. those 10 pounds, they just won't budge. And more than that, my body just feels different. It feels softer. It feels heavier. It just feels.

less like mine. And the clothes that used to fit some of them, now they don't again. And I already got rid of my bigger clothes because I just knew that I would never let myself get back there. Yet that's where I'm headed due to nothing that I'm doing or not doing. I can't tell you how discouraging that is to feel like you're doing everything right and your body just stops cooperating. To wake up every day and keep showing up for workouts and keep showing up for meal prep and for tracking and for all of it.

to at the end of the day see zero change. There's zero movement. There's seemingly zero response. It makes you question everything. It makes you wonder if somehow doing it wrong, even though you know you're not, if that is the problem. It makes you feel betrayed by your own body. Because here's the thing. I kept my end of the deal. I kept showing up. I did the work. I stayed consistent in my body while it essentially broke the contract.

And the worst part is the quiet messaging everywhere that says, well, this is just perimenopause. This is just menopause. This is just midlife. This is just what happens. Get used to it. Like that's supposed to be comforting in some way, but it's not. It's actually infuriating. It's dismissive. It's reductive. It's like someone is patting you on the head and saying, there, there. This is just your life now. But I don't want to accept that. And I don't know that you do either. In reality, I'm not.

asking to look 25 again. I'm not asking to look like I didn't have nine kids. I'm not asking to be a size two. I'm not asking to chase some impossible standard. I'm just asking to feel like myself again, to look in the mirror and recognize the woman looking back, to not walk past a window and do a double take because I don't recognize my own reflection sometimes. I'm asking to feel at home in my own body to not carry this quiet, constant discomfort every single day. And I know I'm not

this, I know there are so many of us that are carrying this weight literally and emotionally and feeling stuck between these two impossible choices. We don't want medication, but we don't want to just accept that this is our permanent residence. And so where does that leave us then? Well, there's a large portion of people who want to just tell us to practice body acceptance, to love yourself as you are, to embrace aging gracefully.

to stop fighting your body and start working with it. And look, I'm for self-compassion. I teach mindset work. I believe in treating yourself with kindness. I'm not here to promote self-hatred or judgment or shame. But let's be honest about something that nobody seems willing to say out loud. You can't force yourself to love something that you're not at peace with. You can stand in front of the mirror every morning and speak affirmations until you're

Blue in the face, you can tell yourself you're beautiful and you're strong and you're worthy and you're enough. But if deep down you don't feel that this is the body you're meant to stay in forever, it's just not going to land. Those words will bounce right off because you're trying to convince yourself of something that you just fundamentally don't agree with and won't ever agree with. And here's what no one's saying. That doesn't make you vain. It doesn't make you shallow.

It doesn't mean that you're not evolved enough or that you haven't done enough therapy or that you need to work harder on your self-love practice or your mindset. It means that you're a woman who's shown up for her body her whole life. And right now it feels like your body broke the deal. You kept your end, you did the work, you stayed disciplined, you made the sacrifices, you showed up day after day and still nothing. So no, you're not gonna feel better by just accepting it. That's like telling someone to accept a situation that they're

actively grieving, it just doesn't work that way. Because that's what this is. There's an element of grief that's intertwined in all of this. You're grieving the body that you had, the body that responded when you put in the effort, the body that felt like yours, the body that cooperated when you made healthy choices. And you're grieving the future that you thought you'd have, the one where you'd actually age gracefully but still feel strong, where you'd actually be able to stay active and capable, and it would look that way.

where you wouldn't have to choose between medication or surrender. And that grief is real. And trying to skip over it as though it doesn't exist with affirmations and body positivity quotes, well, it doesn't honor what you're actually feeling. What you need isn't another pep talk about loving your body. What you need is permission to be honest about how hard this is to acknowledge that, yes, you're struggling. And no, it's not because you're not grateful or enlightened enough or

evolved enough. It's because this season is hard and now your body is changing in ways that you didn't ask for. And the tools that used to work, well they don't anymore. And when everyone around you is either celebrating their medication assisted transformation or preaching body acceptance, you feel stuck in the middle with nowhere to go. You're gonna feel better when you believe that there's something you can do. When you stop feeling powerless.

When you stop feeling like the only two options are to medicate or surrender, that's when acceptance can become possible, not before. And that's what we're here to do. So let's spend a minute talking about what is actually making this harder because it's not just the weight. It's not even just the hormones or the metabolic changes or the fact that your body isn't responding the way it used to. It's this constant bombarding of success stories that aren't telling you the whole truth.

It's the influencers posting their transformations, the side-by-side photos, the glowing testimonials like I finally found what works and conveniently leaving out the prescription that they started three months ago. And I get it. I understand why they don't want to share that part because there's a stigma around weight loss medication sometimes. There's judgment. There's people who are going to leave all the nasty comments and accuse you of taking the easy way out. But here's the problem.

When they don't share that critical piece of information, it creates this impossible standard for everyone else. Because now you're looking at their results and thinking, well, if she can do it, why can't I? You're comparing your discipline to theirs, your consistency to theirs, your effort to theirs. But you're not comparing apples to apples. You're comparing natural weight loss to medically assisted weight loss. And that's not a fair comparison, not in any way.

It's like watching someone run a marathon thinking you should be able to keep up, but they're on a bike and you're on foot and they never told you that they were on a bike. Well, that's what's happening now. It's making women feel crazy. It's making you question yourself, question your effort, question whether you're just not trying hard enough, but you are trying. You're trying so hard. You're doing everything you're supposed to do. And so the problem isn't your discipline. The problem is that the playing field has changed.

And no one's being honest about it. When half of the success stories flooding your feet are chemically assisted and they're not saying that, it makes the rest of us feel like total failures. Like we're the ones who can't follow through. Like we're the ones doing it wrong. Like we're just lazier, unmotivated, or uncommitted. And that's not fair. And it's not true. And then there's the other side of the noise, right? This whole diet culture messaging that tells you if you...

Just try this protocol or this supplement or this hack. It'll finally work. Have you tried keto? What about carnivore? Are you eating enough protein? Are you eating too much protein? You need more cardio. No, you need less cardio. You need to lift heavier. It's your cortisol. It's your sleep. It's your stress. And every single piece of advice seems to contradict the last one. And you've tried most of them anyway. And none of them have worked or they worked for a minute and then they stopped working. And when that doesn't work,

The message becomes, well, maybe you just need to accept this. Maybe this is just your body now. Maybe you're fighting something that just can't be fought. And so you're again stuck between these two impossible narratives. One side telling you that there's always a solution if you just try hard enough and the other side telling you there's no solution and you should just be at peace with it. And both are exhausting. Both are making it worse because the truth is somewhere in the middle and nobody's having that conversation.

And here's where I wanna get really practical because I'm not here to leave you just in this frustration. I'm not here just to call it out and say, let's wallow in it together. I'm not here just to validate your feelings and send you on your way. I'm here to give you something you can actually hold on to, something that you actually can do. But before I give you those steps, I need you to set realistic expectations. I can't promise you that if you do these things, the weight will come off. I can't promise you that there's some...

Magic provider or protocol or combination of things that's gonna make your body cooperate the way that you want it to and I am NOT a health professional in any way shape or form I am just a midlife woman who is here spinning in this swimming in this frustrating pond alongside you That's why I'm having this conversation But what I can promise you is this When you follow these steps you will stop feeling entirely powerless you will stop

feeling entirely stuck. Not because it's going to change your body overnight because it is not. And maybe it won't at all. But what it's going to do is it's going to change how you feel about your body, not with some positive mindset mantras either. But we're going to change how you feel about yourself and about your options. And so here's what I'm working through and what might help you too. This is what I personally have been doing over the last three to four months.

The first thing is to talk to other women that you trust, not the influencers, not the online transformation stories, not the success stories on Instagram, real women. You want to talk to real women in your life, in your community, women who are actually in this season with you and ask them, what are they seeing in their own bodies? Are they struggling too? Have they gained weight that they can't lose? How are they handling it? Are they on HRT?

Have they found a provider who actually listens and doesn't just dismiss them? What have they tried? How are they feeling? Because here's what I've learned. Sometimes the most powerful shift happens in a real conversation. Not another podcast, not another program, or another post of some kind. There's something about sitting across from another woman or talking on the phone or texting back and forth and hearing her say, yes, me too. I thought I was the only one.

That validation, can be everything because suddenly you're not alone. You're not the problem. You're not failing. You're just a woman in midlife whose body is doing what bodies do in midlife. And you're not the one, the only one navigating it. So talking to real women, that's step one. Step two is research. Who's helping women in your area? Not just any doctor, not just any provider who tells you to eat less and move more. Not the one who shrugs and says, well, welcome to menopause.

Find providers who specialize in midlife and menopause, who don't just tell you to wait it out or hand you a prescription as though it's the only option. Look for functional medicine doctors, hormonal specialists, providers who treat the whole picture, not just the symptom. Look for people who will run comprehensive labs, for those who will look at your thyroid and your cortisol and your insulin sensitivity, your inflammation markers, who will ask you about your sleep and your stress.

and your gut health, and that's just a portion of it. Because here's the truth, sometimes there is something that is going on underneath the surface, something that's making weight loss harder than it should be. And a provider who's willing to dig deeper might actually find that. I'm not saying that there's always a cause and that this is always the case. I'm not saying that there's always a magic eraser waiting to just take care of it all.

But if you haven't worked with someone who's actually looking at the whole picture, well, it's worth exploring in my mind. And if you have and they haven't found anything, at least you'll know. At least you'll have that data. At least you can stop wondering if you're missing something obvious. And then number three, schedule an appointment. Even if it's just your regular doctor. Even if it's just to say, I need help and I don't know what to try next. Even if all they do is refer you to someone else.

Even if the appointment doesn't result in a perfect solution, because here's what happens when you actually take that step. You stop spinning and spinning and spinning in the problem, and you start moving towards something. Even if you don't know what you're moving towards, even if it's small, even if it's slow. In that movement, this is where hope can live. This is when you stop sitting in the frustration and you start seeking even a little.

Then when that happens, something just shifts, not necessarily in your body, but in your mindset and in your sense of agency over your own self. You go from feeling like a victim of your circumstances to feeling like someone who's actively trying to solve a problem. It's not going to get solved overnight. The answers are likely not going to come easy, and the results are probably still going to look different than you want them to. But you are still moving towards actively solving the problem, and that matters.

That matters more than you think. And here's one more really important thing. None of this is gonna mean that you're gonna wake up tomorrow and love what you see in the mirror. None of this means that the weight will come off next week or next month or even within this next year. None of this means that you're gonna suddenly feel at peace with a body that still doesn't feel like yours. But it does mean that you don't have to stay stuck in hopelessness. You don't have to sit in the powerlessness.

You don't have to keep waiting for something to magically shift. You can take action, small action, imperfect action, action that might or might not lead to the outcome that you want, but that moves you forward anyway. And sometimes that is enough. That's all we need to keep going, to keep trying, to keep showing up. And here's what I want you to hear before we end today. You're not wrong for wanting this.

You're not vain for caring about how your body looks and feels to you. You're not shallow for grieving what you've lost. And you're not failing because you can't just accept it and move on. And by the way, you're not the problem. If you didn't hear that already today, let me say that again. I know that it can feel that way sometimes when everyone else seems to have it figured out, when the success stories just pile up, when your own body refuses to cooperate no matter what you do, but you're not the problem. Your body isn't the problem.

Your discipline isn't the problem. The problem is that you're navigating an impossible season with very little honest conversation, with very little real support, and way too much pressure to either fix it or accept it without any room for the messy middle. And that messy middle is where many of us midlife women are actually living. We're not on medication. We're not at peace. We're just trying. We're showing up. We're doing our best. And we're feeling a little lost in the process.

And you deserve to feel at home in your own body, not because it looks a certain way, not because it meets some external standard, but because you're truly at peace with it, because you trust it, because you're not at war with it every single day. And if you're not there yet, well, that's okay. You don't have to force acceptance. You don't have to pretend that you're fine. You don't have to smile and nod when someone tells you that this is just how your life is now. But you also don't have to stay stuck.

There is a third option between medicating and accepting it, and it starts with refusing to carry this alone. It starts with being honest with yourself, with other women, with your providers about how hard this actually is. It starts with giving yourself permission to grieve what you've lost without rushing to the other side of it. It starts with taking one small step forward, even when you don't know where it's going to lead. Because here's what I know to be true.

You are stronger than you think and you are more capable than you feel right now. And I also know you're not alone in this. There are thousands of women, maybe millions, navigating this exact same season, feeling this exact same frustration, asking these exact same questions. And the more we talk about it openly and honestly, without the pressure to have it all figured out, then the less alone that we all feel.

And so thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for letting me be honest with you about something that's hard to talk about. You don't have to have it all together. You don't have to be fine with it all. You just have to keep showing up. And you're doing that. Even by listening to this episode, you're doing that. And that counts for something. It actually counts for a lot. And if you want a safe place to have this conversation, I actually have that safe place for you. It's called the Connection Circle for Women. It's not a course. It's not a protocol.

It's just a place for honest conversation, for real connection, and for a safe place to land. We talk about things that most women are caring but don't know where to bring. The things that feel heavy and disappointing or confusing or just plain hard to name. This is for the woman who's tired of pretending that she's fine, who wants to be seen without having to perform or have someone tell her the next best thing she should try, and who needs somewhere to land when everything else feels like too much.

You don't have to carry all of this hard stuff that we have to navigate in midlife alone. We live in a world where we've never been more connected, yet we've never felt more alone. And so this is your invitation to come join us inside the Connection Circle for Women. We're actually saving you a seat there. Just head to the Connection Circle for Women to learn more. And I'd love to see you there, friend.

You are not alone in this. Let's start having this conversation and other hard conversations. It's what I do here. I'm so glad you joined. Share this with someone else who needs it. And I'll talk again soon.