Ep. 207: Clutter Help: Which Clutter Language Are You? (The Real Reason You Can't Get Rid of It)

Hey friend, welcome back to the podcast. If you're new here, I'm Jennifer Roskamp, and I help midlife women stop feeling stuck in survival mode and start actually living their lives with clarity and peace.

And today we're kicking off the beginning of something I've been working on for a while now. Something that's helped thousands of women finally understand why clutter feels so impossible to deal with.

So here's what I want you to know right up front: You're not bad at decluttering. You've just never been taught how to understand your clutter's language.

And that's what we're unpacking today.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Clutter Languages Guide

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Transcript

Well, so many of you have watched my video talking about why your clutter isn't random. And in that video, I have walked through all 10 of the clutter languages that I have seen women that I work with over the years be stuck with. And that video, that episode, it had over 10 times the reach that my content normally does for good reason. And the comments and the emails, like this is what has really let me know that I am on a hot button issue.

It's women saying things like, have never felt so seen, or I thought I was just lazy, or this is the first thing about clutter that I have heard that actually makes sense. So listen, this proves that clutter isn't about stuff. It really is about how your clutter is trying to speak to you. And you've been trying to declutter without understanding the message all this time. You've been doing what I call treating the symptom, not

the root. You've not been diagnosing the problem because you didn't know there was an actual problem other than I'm lazy, I'm unmotivated, and I guess I just can't deal with clutter. I guess I'm unorganized. And that is why those kinds of beliefs are why the clutter feels impossible to move or why it keeps coming back. And so over the next three episodes, we're going to be going deep. We're going to be talking about all 10 clutter languages, the most common one that I see in women who are

in midlife and also why motivation isn't your problem. And so today we're going to start with going deeper on recognizing what's actually going on. So before we get into the languages themselves, I need you to understand something really important. Most women speak more than one clutter language. I mean, of course they do, right? As people, we are layered. And so your stuff is layered and somewhat complex, too.

And so if you're going to be listening in and thinking, wait, this is me. but wait, that one is too. And maybe that one too. Well, know that you're not doing anything wrong. You're just proving that, surprise, you're human. And there's also the fact that not all clutter is the same either. So let me give you an example. Those paper piles, right? That's probably not emotional clutter for you. That's probably more like decision fatigue or overwhelm.

and I don't know what to do with this, and so it's just gonna stay here. That's probably what's going on with paper. But your kid's artwork and the baby clothes that you've saved and the cards from your mom who's passed away, now that is different. Those things probably have emotional roots and that's emotional clutter and that's identity, that's memory, that's grief. It's all of those wrapped into...

that onesie that you can't bring yourself to donate. And so as we go through these clutter languages, don't try to just pick one. Just notice which one makes you feel something, which one makes you feel exposed, which one makes you ready to defend yourself, which ones make you pretend that I didn't just name what I did. What which one are you pretending you could unhear? Because when you know and notice these kinds of things, that's where you will start to know.

That is one of my clutter languages. And that's what we're after because that's where the real work starts. So let's walk through all 10 clutter languages. And I'm going to give you kind of this high level overview today because we're going to go deeper on some of these in the next couple of episodes. But I want you to start noticing patterns. I want you to start noticing where you can see yourself. So clutter language number one is what I call the guilty keeper. This is when you hold on to things out of guilt.

Gifts you've never used, things from someone who's passed away, stuff that cost a lot of money and so you would just feel guilty or wasteful letting it go. Know that the item itself isn't the issue. It's the story that you're telling yourself about what it means if you let it go. So you might say things like, if I get rid of this, I'm a bad daughter, or if I donate this, that means I'm ungrateful, or this was expensive so I can't just throw it away.

But here's the truth, keeping it all out of guilt, it's not serving you and it doesn't honor the other person either. So the second clutter language is overwhelmed avoider. You feel paralyzed by the sheer volume of stuff. You don't know where to start so you don't start at all. You walk past the pile, you close the closet door, you tell yourself, I'll deal with it later but we all know.

that later never comes because the overwhelm is still there. It's not going anywhere. And the thing is, you're not lazy. You're just overwhelmed and no one ever taught you that a smart start is still a start. So the third clutter language, this one is probably the one that I speak personally, the loudest, that is the sentimental saver. So.

And I think this is the one that I see in most midlife women. If you were to pin me down and say, which one of these do you see most frequently, it would be this one. And again, we're going to go deeper on this one in the next episode. But here's the short version of it. You hold onto baby clothes and childhood artwork and notes and cards and anything with emotional memories tied to them. And you tell yourself, if I throw this out, I'll lose the memory. But that's not true. The memory lives in you. It does not live in the box in your garage.

The fourth clutter language is the all or nothing thinker. And this is when you don't start with the clutter because you think you have to do the whole house or the whole room or the whole box or nothing at all. Basically you say, if I can't do it all, it's not worth doing and it will just frustrate me more. And so you procrastinate and you plan, you research and you figure out what the best bins are, what the best method is, what the best time to work on it is.

And after all that researching that takes you around and around and around, surprisingly you don't ever start because you're waiting for perfect and perfect never shows up. The fifth clutter language is the fantasy future planner. What does this mean? This is when you're keeping things for that someday version of your life. The craft supplies, the clothes for a smaller body, the books that you're going to read when you have more time. And every time you look at that stuff,

It whispers the same lie. You're not enough as you are. And so you keep it because you want to be better. We all do. We all want to do better and be better. This is a very noble reason for keeping things. The sixth clutter language is the bargain hoarder. You can't resist a deal. You now know that your home is full of unused discounted purchases.

But it's hard to think about parting with them. You say things like, but it was on sale or I might need it later. Here's the thing, a bargain or something you might use later, it's not a blessing if it becomes a burden. In reality, you paid for it once. Don't keep paying for it with your space and your stress and your peace. The seventh clutter language is the hidden piler. You toss everything in drawers and closets.

or in corners just to make it disappear from sight. Out of sight, out of mind. I'll get to it later. But hidden messes still create mental weight. Clean looking does not equal clutter-free, and you deserve better than shoving and hoping for the best. The eighth clutter language is the indecisive over-thinker. This is you if you get stuck trying to decide what to do with every little item. So you just...

don't. What if I make the wrong choice? What if I regret it? But here's what I need you to hear. Not deciding is still a decision. Not deciding is still a decision and it's keeping you stuck. Decision fatigue, it is a real thing, but it also is beatable. You can overcome it, but you have to start trusting yourself to be able to make the right decisions.

I often say that clutter is just a pile of unmade decisions. And so if this resonates with you, you'll want to stick around because we're talking the realities of clutter all year here, all year in 2026. There will be no shortage of episodes for you to learn more about clutter. All right. The ninth clutter language is the aspiring perfectionist. You don't start because you're trying to figure out the best way, the right container, the perfect system.

I'll wait until I have time to do it right, but we all know, and you need to know, that done is better than perfect, and you can always improve later. Clarity does not come from thinking and thinking and overthinking. It comes from doing. And then we have the resentful reluctant. You feel stuck in dealing with clutter because it's not even yours. It's your kids, it's your partners, it's your extended family members.

Why am I the only one who cares about this? You're tired, you're resentful, and you feel like no one helps. But here's the shift. You don't have to fix everything for everyone. You are allowed to set boundaries. You're allowed to lead by example, and you're allowed to focus on your spaces too. All right. Well, now that you've heard all 10, I want you to just pause for a second. Not literally, of course, keep listening, but mentally.

Just take a breath and ask yourself these three questions and answer them, OK? Which one made you feel exposed, right? And it could be more than one. Like, which one made you think, man, she is talking about me? Not in a shame yourself sort of way, just in a recognition sort of way. This is going to be your primary language, or at least one of them.

The second question, which one do you defend? And this is a big one. If you heard one of these and immediately thought, yeah, but it's different for me because that's the one. That is where your resistance lives. And as humans, we defend what we are not ready to release. And that's okay. Just notice it, right? The releasing will come later.

But which one are you ready to defend? Which one would you say, yeah, okay, but it's different for me because whatever it is, right? The third question, which one did you want to pretend I didn't just name because you know it is you? Maybe it's the one that you just, maybe it's the one that you've been avoiding for years. That discomfort, that isn't bad. That's actually information.

And here's what I want you to know. These clutter languages, they are not flaws. They are coping strategies. They explain your stuckness, not to excuse it, but to let you, really to guide you out of it. You developed the patterns with your clutter using these patterns and for good reason. They served you to a point. They helped you manage. They helped you survive. They helped you get through.

But just because something helped you survive doesn't mean that it's helping you find joy and contentment. And that's what we're after now. We're not looking for just mere survival. We're looking for contentment and joy. Being comfortable within the four walls of your home, which maybe not so surprisingly makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, is what you are after. So let me give you some real life examples of how these show up.

These are not, by the way, extreme hoarder situations. These are just normal, everyday moments. So for the guilty keeper, you've got a closet full of gifts from your mother-in-law. You've never used them. But you can't get rid of them because what if she asks me about them? What if she wants to use it? So they sit there, and they're taking up space, and they're making you feel guilty every time you open the closet. The overwhelmed avoider, you walk into the garage and immediately feel your chest tightened.

There's so much. You don't even know half of what half of it is. But you can't let go because, well, that's something that I will just have to get to. And so you close the door and you pretend it's not there. Then there's the sentimental saber, right? You've got your bins of clothes, kids clothes in the attic. The youngest is 16 now. You're not having any more kids, but you can't let go of those things because, well, that's the outfit that they wore home from the hospital. And again, this is me. I get it.

This is you and the majority of women I know it's okay, right? And we're gonna talk about how to move forward with it, but just know that if this is you, there is an actual clutter language and it can help explain so much. All right, so the all or nothing thinker. You've been planning to declutter your whole house for three months. You've watched every YouTube video. You've printed all the organizing hacks, but you haven't even started because you don't have a full weekend to just do it right.

The fantasy future planner. You've got a pile of clothes in your closet that don't fit. You tell yourself you'll wear them when you lose the weight. But every time you see them, you just feel like you're failing. And that just plain sucks. Ask me how I know that one. Well, then there's the bargain hoarder. You went to Target for some toothpaste and came home with three clearance bins, a set of dish towels you don't need, and a picture frame that you might use someday because it was 70 % off. The hidden piler.

Your counters are clean. Your living room looks great. But if someone opened your junk drawer or maybe your hall closet or your bedroom closet, they would see chaos, absolute chaos. Then there's the indecisive over-thinker. You've been staring at a stack of papers for 20 minutes trying to decide if you should keep the top paper and you still don't know. So you put them back and you just walk away.

Then there's the aspiring perfectionist. You won't declutter your pantry until you can buy matching containers and print all the labels and do it exactly like the Instagram organizing account you follow. And you can't do it the way that you want to do it and you won't be happy until you can, so it's not worth doing it all. And you just don't do it then. Then there's the resentful reluctant. You're the one who cleans. You're the one who cares. And you're exhausted.

But you keep doing it because if you don't, no one will. Does this sound familiar? If not, know that you're not alone and you're not broken. So here's where I want to end this today before we again go deeper in a lot more videos about this specifically the next two. Your clutter language, it is not a character flaw. It is not proof that you are lazy or unmotivated or incapable of dealing with your clutter.

It's a coping strategy. It is a pattern, a way that your brain has been trying to manage stress and emotion and decision fatigue. And now after listening to this episode, now you can maybe start to name it. And when you can name it, well, that's when you can change it. But know that the change, doesn't happen overnight. And it's not going to happen with a weekend reset. These changes are going to happen slowly and steadily and sustainably.

Because understanding your clutter language, doesn't just help you declutter your house. It helps you understand yourself. And that is where real change begins. So here's what I want you to do next. There are three things. Number one, head to clutterlanguagesguide.com and download the free Clutter Languages Guide. It's going to help you with all 10 languages. Go a little bit deeper, more in detail.

And it's got reflection questions. It's really got some go-to first steps and strategies for each one of these clutter languages. And it's going to help you see yourself more clearly. Because you're not stuck because you're bad at this. You're stuck because you've been trying to declutter without understanding the language that yourself and your clutter is actually speaking. And now you know. The second thing to do is to leave a comment. Which language resonated with you most?

What does hearing yourself in a language or two do? How does it make you feel? The third thing to do is to share. Share this with someone that you know needs to hear this, needs to see this. She's not going to be offended. She'll thank you because she's struggling with the weight of the stuff too. So next time we're diving deep into the most common clutter language that I see in women, specifically in midlife women, it's the sentimental saber. And if that one

kind of made you feel something today, you'll want to make sure you don't miss that episode. This is where trust can begin to build. It's where clarity starts to surface, and it's where you start to see that you're not actually broken. You're just navigating life. All righty, friend. Thanks for being here, and I will see you in the next episode.