Ep. 216: The Hidden Reason You Still Feel Stuck (And How to Finally Move Forward)

Today we're diving into something I see happen all the time with the women inside Accomplished Lifestyle and honestly, it's something I've lived myself. So if you've ever felt frustrated because you've bought courses, joined programs, downloaded every free resource and planner you could find, and yet somehow life still feels just as overwhelming as it did before, this episode is for you.

And before we go any further, I need you to hear this clearly: You're not lazy. You're not bad at follow-through. And there is nothing wrong with you.

What's actually happening is something almost all overwhelmed women do. You've been buying hope. And once you understand what that means and why it keeps you stuck, everything starts to shift.

So grab your coffee, settle in, and let's talk about the hidden reason you still feel stuck, and more importantly, how to finally move forward.

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Transcript

Well, let's start here. And I want to be really gentle about this because there's zero shame in what I'm about to describe. If you're someone who has tried, who has really tried to get your life more organized, more peaceful, more manageable, and you keep ending up right back where you started, I get it. I've been there. My clients have been there. Pretty much every woman that I have ever been contacted by or coached has been there at some point.

You see something new. It's a course. It's a planner system. It's a coaching program. It's a decluttering method. And something inside you just lights up. This could be it. This could be the thing that finally helps me understand and feel less scattered, less behind, less like I'm drowning in my own life. And so you buy it or you sign up for the thing or you download the free guide. And for a moment, sometimes even for a few days, you feel better.

lighter almost. Like you've taken a huge step forward. Like change is finally coming. But then nothing really changes. Or maybe things change for a week or two. But then life gets loud again and it gets messy and you're right back to feeling overwhelmed. Right back to the mental clutter. Right back to wondering why you can't seem to make anything stick. And here's what most women do at that point. They start looking for the next thing. They, the next program. The next fresh start. The next

system that promises to make life different. Because when life feels heavy, hope feels like relief. And a new plan feels like a fresh start. A new system feels like maybe this time it'll be different. A new program feels like maybe this is finally the one that will work for you. And I want to be clear, hope is not a bad thing. Hope is a beautiful, amazing thing.

Hope is what keeps us moving forward. Hope is what makes us believe that change is possible. But here's the thing. Hope feels like progress before action ever happens. Think about that for a second. Hope feels like progress even before action happens. The moment you sign up for something, the moment you buy that course or download that resource, you feel like you've done something.

And in reality you have. You've invested yourself, maybe even financially. You've made a decision. But you haven't actually changed anything yet. And that's very human. That's how our brain works. We feel the relief of potential before we ever have to engage with the reality of the work. So if that's you, if you're someone who collects courses and buys planners and joins programs and...

still feels frustrated because nothing seems to stick. I want you to know you're not alone. You're not broken and you're not doing anything wrong. You're just caught in an endless cycle that most overwhelmed women get trapped in. And once you see it clearly, well, that's when you can break that cycle. So let's walk through what this cycle usually looks like because once you see it, you can't unsee it. And that awareness is the first step towards real change. So it starts with overwhelm.

You're tired. Your house feels chaotic. Your schedule feels out of control. Your mind is cluttered with all the things you should be doing but aren't. You feel stuck. And here's what that overwhelm feels like in real life. You wake up already behind. You look at your to-do list and you feel defeated before the day even starts. You open your closet and nothing feels right. You walk into your kitchen and the clutter makes your chest tighten up. You try to plan your week, but you can't even remember what day it is. You're spinning. You're scattered.

And underneath all of it, there's this quiet voice that keeps saying, everyone else has it together. What's your problem? And so what do you do? You go looking for a solution because you've got a problem. And when you find something that looks promising, a program, a system, a strategy, you feel hope. Finally, maybe this is it. Maybe this will help me feel better. And you read the sales page or you watch the video and you see yourself in that before picture. You see the transformation that they're promising and something in you says,

Yes, I need this. And so you buy it, you sign up, you commit. And in that moment, you experience something powerful. It's temporary relief. You've done something. You've taken action. You feel lighter already. The credit card clears. The welcome email arrives. You get access to the member portal. And for a moment, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes a few days, you feel genuinely better because you made a decision. You invested in yourself. You're finally doing something.

about that stuck feeling. But then comes the next phase, the one that's always been there but somehow surprises us every time. Effort is required. Because here's the truth. Real change doesn't happen just because you bought something. Real change happens when you actually use it. When you show up. When you do the work. When you engage with the process. You've got to log in. You've got to watch the videos. You've got to do the exercises.

You have to implement the strategies. You have to change your routines. You have to try new things. You have to show up consistently. And that's when discomfort enters the picture. Doing the work, sometimes, a lot of the times, it feels slow. It feels messy. It feels like it's not working fast enough. You have to confront old habits, the ones that got you here in the first place. You have to sit with hard emotions instead of avoiding them.

You have to make decisions and follow through even when you don't feel like it. And you have to face the fact that maybe the reason your life feels chaotic isn't just because you haven't found the right system. It's because you've been avoiding something deeper. Maybe it's a boundary that you need to set. Maybe it's a conversation that you need to have. Maybe it's a pattern that you need to break. And that discomfort, the discomfort that we have to sit in and accept and allow, it's not fun.

It doesn't feel like progress, but it actually is. And then you start questioning everything. Is this even working? Am I doing it right? Why does everyone else seem to get results faster? Why is this so hard for me? And so what happens? Disappointment creeps in. This isn't working as fast as I thought it would. This is harder than I expected. Maybe this program isn't the right fit. Maybe I'm not doing it right. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. And here's where it gets tricky because

Your brain starts telling you stories, stories like, I knew this wouldn't work for me. I'm just not disciplined enough. Maybe I need something different. My life is different. Maybe I need more support. Maybe I should try the other thing that I saw last week. And then your brain does what it's been trained to do. It starts looking for relief again. Fresh hope, a new idea, a new reset, a new plan, because relief without effort feels a whole lot better than the effort being demanded of you.

And effort without instant results can feel super painful. And so the cycle starts all over again. Overwhelm leads to hope, leads to buying or planning, leads to temporary relief, leads to effort required, leads to discomfort, leads to disappointment. Back to overwhelm, back to looking for new hope. And over and over and over it goes. And here's what makes this cycle really so frustrating.

It's that it feels productive. It feels like you're trying. It feels like you're working on yourself. You're buying programs. You're reading books. You're downloading resources. You're learning. But you're not actually changing anything. Because learning without application is just information consumption. And information consumption without implementation is just a more sophisticated form of avoidance. Now here's what.

you really need to understand the problem isn't the tools, the programs you're buying, the courses you're signing up for, the resources you're downloading. They're probably really good and they probably do work. It's likely that the information is pretty solid. And I know this because I create these things. I teach these tools. I create programs like this. And I see them work for women every single day inside my programs, inside one of my primary communities called Accomplished Lifestyle.

But what I see in there and everywhere is that the difference between the women who transform and the women who stay stuck, it isn't the quality of the tools. It's the level of ownership they bring to the process. The problem is that real change always asks for ownership, not perfection, not hustle, not doing everything perfectly or getting it right the first time, just engagement, just showing up, just a willingness to be curious.

just taking one step and then another. And most of us don't stall because we don't know what to do. We stall because doing it feels uncomfortable or slow or messy. We stall because change requires us to sit in the discomfort of not seeing results immediately. And it requires us to keep going even when our brain is screaming at us to quit. It requires us to trust the process when we can't see the progress yet.

And so instead of continuing to engage with the process, our brain looks for fresh hope, a new idea, a new reset, a new plan, a new solution, relief without the discomfort of actually doing the work. And listen, I say all of this with so much compassion because I've done this too. I've been the woman who bought the course that I didn't finish, who downloaded the planner and used it for three days and then it collected dust. I've been the person who signed up for the program and then let life get in the way.

I've been the woman who had a shelf full of books that I never read, a folder full of downloads I never opened, and a list of courses that I barely even started. I've been the woman who kept looking for the next best thing instead of fully committing to the current thing. And so I get it, I really do. But here's what changed everything for me. And I've seen it change everything for my clients too.

It's understanding and buying programs and buying...it's understanding that buying programs and buying into yourself are two very different things. Let me say that again. Buying programs and buying into yourself are two very different things.

So this is the part that's probably gonna hit a little bit deep. And so I want you to really pay attention because this is the shift that's gonna change everything if you're tired of being stuck. You can invest in programs or you can invest in yourself. And the first, it actually does feel easier. But the second is actually the option that changes your life. Let me say that again because it is important.

You can keep investing in programs and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you're not also investing in yourself by actually showing up and engaging and doing the work, nothing will change. Because tools don't create momentum. Ownership does. And I know ownership and acceptance, it's one of those things. It's a couple of those things that can feel heavy or charged. Like it means you have to do everything perfectly or have it all figured out. But that's not what I mean at all.

Ownership doesn't mean doing everything. It doesn't mean being perfect. It doesn't mean never struggling or never needing support or even never needing a break. Ownership means three things. And they're very simple. Number one, choosing one small step. Not 10 steps, not a complete life overhaul, just one small doable thing that moves you forward. Number two, being willing to show up imperfectly.

Not waiting until you feel ready. Not waiting until conditions are perfect. Just showing up as you are right now and doing it anyway. And number three, repeating it consistently. Change is never going to be a once and done thing. It is not a one time reset. Just doing that one small thing that you do again and again, that's what becomes part of your rhythm. And then it's the next thing. That's it. That's what ownership looks like. It's not about motivation.

It's not about having more information and it's not about finding the perfect system or the perfect moment. It's about engagement. It's about choosing to participate in your own life instead of constantly preparing to participate. Because here's what I've learned, and this is from my own life and from coaching hundreds, even thousands of women over 10 years now. Momentum doesn't start with one dramatic change.

It doesn't start with burning everything down and starting over. It doesn't start with finally feeling ready or finally feeling motivated. Momentum starts the second that you take ownership of one small step and actually do it. Doesn't matter what the outcome is. It just matters that you took the step and then you do it again and again and slowly, sometimes so slowly that you almost don't notice it at first.

things start to shift. You start to feel less stuck, less scattered, less like you're constantly starting over because you're not just hoping anymore. You're not just planning anymore. You're not just buying programs and waiting for them to magically fix everything. You're showing up instead. You're engaging instead. You're owning your own process. And that changes everything. Now I know what you're probably thinking. Jennifer, I've tried to show up. I've tried to be consistent.

But I always fall off. I always quit. What if that's what happens again? And here's what I want to say to that. Progress is progress. Even imperfect, inconsistent, messy progress is still progress. You don't have to get it right every single day. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to keep coming back because ownership isn't about never struggling. It's about choosing yourself again and again, even when it's hard, even when it asks more of you that it feels like you can give.

It's about saying, know that this feels hard right now. I know that this feels uncomfortable. I know that I don't feel motivated. I know that it's not going as fast as I want it to, but I'm still going to show up. I'm going to do one small thing. I'm going to still move forward. That's the shift. That's the difference between staying stuck and finally moving forward. It's not more tools. It's not more information. It's not more motivation. It's just ownership.

It's just engagement. It's just one small step at a time. All right, so now I want to invite you into just a couple of minutes with me where you're just gonna do some self reflection. We're not here to judge. We're not here to shame. We're just here to get some honest awareness because awareness is where power lives. You can't change what you can't see. And once you see it clearly,

then you can make different choices. And so I'm going to give you three reflection questions, and I want you to really sit with them. And if you're driving or doing something else, just let them roll around in your mind. But if you're able to, grab a piece of paper or a journal or just a simple notebook and write your answers down. Know that these aren't trick questions. There is no wrong answer. This is just you getting honest with yourself about where you are right now. OK?

So if you're ready, here we go. Question number one, where have I been collecting tools instead of using them? So think about all the courses that you've bought, the programs that you've joined, the planners that you've downloaded, the books sitting on your nightstand. Where have you been gathering resources but not actually engaging with them? And I want you to get specific here. Don't just think generally about all the things, right? Actually name them if you can. How many courses do you have access to right now that you haven't finished?

How many books are on your shelf or in your Kindle that you bought with the best of intentions but never read? How many planners have you purchased in the past 12 to 18 months? How many free downloads are sitting in your email or in your desktop folder? I'll give you an example from my own life. At one point, I had at least seven different planners, seven. Some were digital, some were paper, and I wasn't using any of them consistently. I had...

Books on habit formation, I books on productivity and mindset work, and all of them were sitting there with bookmarks halfway through. Most never even opened beyond the first couple of chapters. I had courses that I'd purchased, good courses, valuable courses that I'd logged into maybe once and never went back to. And here's the thing, every single one of those purchases felt like progress in the moment. I was investing in myself, and that is important. I was taking action.

but I wasn't actually changing anything simply because I bought them. I was collecting tools instead of using them. So where is this true for you? Where have you been consuming instead of creating? Where have you been gathering instead of implementing? And again, there is no shame. We all do it, but just notice it, get honest about it. Write it down if you can, because once you see the pattern, again, you can make a different choice. So question number two.

What is something I already know that I haven't applied yet? Now, this one is a big one because so often we think we need more information. We think we need to learn something new. We need to find something better. We need to discover a secret strategy. But the truth is you probably already know what you need to do. You've heard it before. You've learned it. You've maybe even taught it to someone else, but you haven't actually applied it consistently in your own life. So what is it? What do you already know deep down?

that would make a difference in your daily life if you actually did it. Maybe it's setting boundaries. You know you need to say more, know more often. You know you're overextended. You know you're doing too much for too many people, but you keep saying yes anyway. Maybe it's asking for help. You know you can't do it all alone. You know your family is capable of contributing more. You know you're caring more than you can manage, but you keep doing it all yourself because it feels easier than the discomfort of delegating.

What about the morning routine? Maybe that's your thing. You absolutely know that when you start your day with intention instead of chaos, everything goes better. You've experienced it. You've felt the difference, but you keep hitting snooze and rushing through the morning in survival mode anyway. Maybe it's meal planning. You know that when you plan ahead, you eat better, you waste less, you stress less, and you feel more in control, but you keep winging it every night at 5 p.m. and then feeling frustrated.

Maybe it's the clutter. You know that clearing one surface would make you feel so much calmer. You know that decluttering one drawer gives you this sense of accomplishment. But when you keep walking past it, you just keep the same cycle spinning and you keep telling yourself, I'll deal with it later. Maybe it's something different. Maybe it's something deeper. Maybe it's that hard conversation you need to have with your spouse. Maybe it's the relationship that is draining you that you need to create some distance from.

Maybe it's the commitment, the really good commitment that you know because of the season you're in, you just need to quit. Maybe it's the dream you need to stop ignoring. What is it for you? What do you already know but haven't been willing to own? And here's why this question matters so much, because if you already know the answer, you don't, you absolutely don't need more information. You don't need another course. You don't need a new system. You just need to do the thing that you already know you need to do.

And that brings us to the third question. Question number three. Where do I keep hoping for change instead of practicing change? This really is the heart of it. Where are you waiting for something external to shift in your life? A new program, a new season, a new motivation, a new version of yourself, instead of just starting now with what you already have. Where are you stuck in hope instead of stepping into ownership?

Let me give you some examples of what this looks like in real life. Maybe it's that you keep saying, I'll start when things calm down, but things never calm down. Life is always loud. There's always something happening. So you keep waiting for this mythical season when you'll have more time or more energy or more bandwidth or less commitments, but that season never, never comes. Or maybe you keep saying, I'll start after the holidays or after this busy season at work or after the kids go back to school or when we get through this transition.

You're always waiting for that right moment that's just around the corner instead of deciding that this moment, this moment right now, now is the right moment. Or maybe you keep telling yourself, I just need to find the right system. You think if you could just find the perfect planner, the perfect routine, the perfect strategy, then everything would fall into place. But you've tried a dozen systems and planners and routines already and none of them worked. Not because they were bad systems, but because you didn't stick with them long enough.

to see the results. Or maybe this is a big one. Maybe you keep waiting to feel motivated. You think you'll start when you feel ready, when you feel inspired, when you feel capable. But motivation doesn't work that way. Motivation only comes after action, not before it. Or maybe this is another big one. You keep hoping that someone else will change so that your life can change.

You're waiting for your spouse to step up, or your kids to be more responsible, or your boss to be more reasonable, or your circumstances to be different in some way. But here's the truth, you can't control other people, and you can't control circumstances either. You can only control what you do next. So where are you waiting? Where are you hoping? Where are you stuck in some day instead of stepping into today? Just sit with that for a moment. Let that sink in. Notice what comes up.

Now, maybe as you're thinking about it, you feel defensive. Maybe you want to explain why or how your situation is different, why you really do need to wait, why now really isn't the right time. And that's OK. That's a human response. Just notice it. Notice the resistance. Notice the justification, because that resistance and justification, it's part of the pattern. Because here's what you need to understand. This isn't about guilt. I'm not here to help you.

beat yourself up or convince you to feel bad about all the things you haven't done. What I'm here to do is help you build awareness. This is about seeing the pattern clearly so that you can make a different choice because awareness creates power. Awareness gives you agency over yourself. Awareness is what shifts you from passenger in the back seat to driver in the driver's seat.

And once you see it, once you really see where you've been choosing hope over ownership, you can't unsee it. And that's when everything starts to change because now you know, now you see the cycle and the pattern. Now you understand what's been keeping you stuck. And you know, it's not that you're lazy. It's not that you're bad at follow through. It's not that you're incapable or broken or weak. It's that you've been choosing hope over ownership.

You've been investing in programs instead of investing in yourself. You've been collecting tools instead of actually using them. And now that you see it, now that you really see it, you get to choose differently. You get to say, I'm done collecting. I'm ready to create. You get to say, I'm done waiting and I'm ready to start. You get to say, I'm done hoping. I'm ready to own my process. And that decision...

That shift from hope to ownership, that is where momentum really lives. So we've really normalized the stuck feeling, right? We've walked through the cycle of what that looks like and how you've ended up here. We've talked about the mindset shift that needs to be made from investing in programs to investing in yourself. And we've reflected on where hope has been replacing ownership in your life. Now, I wouldn't be a very good teacher.

if I also didn't help you do something about these discoveries that you've begun making. And I'm going to make this as simple and doable as possible because that's the whole point. We're not doing another big life overhaul here. We're not starting from scratch either. We're just taking one small step in the direction of ownership. And so here's what I want you to do. This is the ownership challenge for you. And you can do this today.

Or if today feels like there's too much already going on, just do it sometime this week. But the key is that you actually do it. That's what we're talking about, right? So step one is to pick one thing that has resonated with you today. Just one thing. Step two, choose one small action that comes as a result of that realization. Whatever has resonated with you, what is one small action?

that comes as a direct result of what you've realized. Just one small specific action that you can take. So for example, if you picked morning routines, your one action might be, I'm going to spend five minutes tonight prepping for tomorrow morning so that it's easier. If you picked something about boundaries, your one action might be, I'm going to say no to one thing this week that I would normally have said yes to out of guilt. If you picked a decluttering strategy,

Your one action might be, I'm gonna spend 10 minutes actually clearing one surface of my house. Do you see how small and specific these examples are? That's what we're going for, not something big, not something overwhelming, just one clear, doable step. Step three, do it today or schedule it in the next three days and do that right now. This is the ownership part. This is where you move from hope

to action, from collecting to creating, from planning to practicing. If you can do it today, do it now. Go do that one small, simple thing. Knowing that, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be beautiful. It just has to be done. And if today truly isn't the day, then pull out your calendar or your planner or wherever it is you write stuff down and schedule it. Make a reminder in your phone. Block off the time. Commit.

to when you're going to do it right now. Because here's what I know. If you don't schedule it, it won't happen. If you just say, I'll do it when I have time, or I'll do it this week, we know you won't do it. Time doesn't magically appear. You have to make it. So pick the tool, choose the action, and either do it now or schedule it right now. Not with perfection in mind, just with intentionality in mind. And here's the thing.

This one small action might not feel like much. In fact, it probably won't. It might feel too small to matter. And you might think this isn't going to do anything to change my life. And you're right. One action is not going to change your life. But consistent ownership of one small action at a time? Well, that absolutely will. Because momentum doesn't start with big life overhauls. It starts with one owned step and then another and then another.

Momentum starts when you stop waiting to feel ready and just start anyway. It starts when you stop collecting tools and start using them. It starts when you stop hoping for change and start practicing change. That's what ownership looks like in real life. And it's not dramatic. It's not perfect. It's just steady and consistent. It's just one small step forward. And I promise you, once you take that first owned step,

that feeling of being stuck, it starts to loosen. And it starts to loosen and unravel pretty quickly. Because you're no longer just stuck in this thinking pattern about change. You're not just hoping anymore. You're not just waiting anymore. You're doing, you're engaging, and you're showing up for yourself. And that's the difference between staying stuck and finally moving forward.

So let's bring this all to an end. And I want to say if you have been feeling stuck, if you've been feeling frustrated that nothing seems to change, no matter how many programs you buy or how many fresh starts you make, I want you to hear this one more time. You don't need another program. You don't need more motivation. You don't need to start over again. You just need to take ownership of the next small step. You need to stop investing in hope and start investing in yourself

by actually showing up, engaging, and doing the thing. Not perfectly, not all at once, not in some big dramatic way, just one small owned action at a time. Because here's what I've learned in my own life from, again, coaching hundreds and thousands of women. Momentum, it doesn't come from having all of the answers. It doesn't come from feeling ready. It doesn't come from finding the perfect system. Momentum really does come from ownership, from engagement.

from choosing yourself again and again, even when it's hard. And once you develop a pattern of doing that, once you develop the pattern of owning rather than hoping, that stuckness, it starts to loosen. So here's what to do after you finish listening to this today. Go take that challenge that I gave you, following those three steps in ownership. Pick your one tool.

Choose your one action and do it today or schedule it right now. And then come back here and tell me about it. Leave me a comment. Shoot me an email, jenniferroskamp at the intentionalmom.com. Let me know what your thing is. Let me know what you took ownership of and what you moved forward in. Because when you own your process publicly,

When you show up and share your progress, even when it's messy, you reinforce the shift from passive to active, from consumer to creator, from stuck to moving forward. And that's what this is all about. It's not perfection. It's not having it all together. It's just steady, honest, intentional forward motion. You can do this. You already have what you need. You just have to choose to use it.

So that's what I had for you today. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for trusting me with your time and your attention. And thank you for showing up for yourself by listening. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to have you share it with a friend who might need to hear it too. And if you haven't already, make sure you're following me here so that you don't miss my future episodes. And if you feel compelled, leave me a comment. Let me know what this episode has done for you, in addition to letting me know what your thing is.

And so until we talk again, make it a great day.