Ep. 218: When You're Finally Ready For Your Life to Change

If you listened to last week's episode about why you still feel stuck—the one about buying hope versus taking ownership, well, this week we're going deeper. Because I got messages. A lot of them. Women saying, "Jennifer, I hear you. I know I've been collecting tools instead of using them. But I genuinely thought buying the course WAS investing in myself. So what's the difference?"

And that's what we're unpacking today. Because here's the truth—there IS a difference between investing in an external solution and investing in yourself. A big one. And once you see it, everything changes.

So grab your coffee, settle in, and let's talk about what it really means to invest in yourself—and why that distinction is the key to finally moving forward.

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Transcript

Well, let's start here because I think there's been some confusion around this whole idea. And honestly, it makes sense. You've been told probably throughout most of your life that investing in yourself is a good thing. You've been told to prioritize your growth, your development and your wellbeing. And you've tried to do that. You've bought books, you've signed up for courses, you've downloaded resources, you've joined programs. And when you did those things,

It feels like investing in yourself because that's what everyone said it was. Invest in yourself, join the program, buy the course, download the guide. And so you did. And when nothing changed, when life still felt overwhelming, when you still felt stuck, you wondered what was wrong with you because you were investing. You were trying. You were showing up and you were doing it financially in many cases. But here's what I want you to understand. And this is not a judgment in any way. It's just...

clarity. Buying something, putting out your dollar bills, if you're here in America, buying something and investing in yourself are not the same thing. When you buy a program or a course or a class or a collection of, you know, a bundle of resources or something like that, what you're doing is investing in a tool. But when you invest in yourself, you're investing in your willingness to use it.

When you buy a course, you're investing essentially in information. When you invest in yourself, you're investing in your commitment to apply it. When you sign up for coaching, which I do all day every day for women, when you invest in coaching, you're investing in access. That's what someone is actually paying me for when they sign up for coaching with me. But if you wanna take that coaching and you wanna invest in yourself,

then what you are investing in is showing up and engaging and doing the work. It's being willing to look at the hard things. Know that the external purchase is just the first step. And don't get me wrong, it is an important one. But the real investment is showing up and engaging and doing what comes after. That's the one that creates change.

And this is where most women get stuck. it's not because they're lazy and it's not because they're incapable, but because they've essentially been taught that the purchase is the investment, that signing up is the work, that buying the thing is transformation and that it's just going to be easy after that, that that's the hard part. But the truth is that it's not. The purchase is essentially just the entry fee. The investment is what you do once you're inside.

So let's get specific. What does it actually mean to invest in yourself? Because I think there's been some fuzzy language around this and fuzzy language creates fuzzy expectations. So let's make some clear ones. Investing in yourself, it means three things and all three of these things are required. Not one, not two, but all three. Number one, it means that you start with the decision. You make the decision, not the purchase, the decision.

There's a difference between swiping your credit card and deciding you're actually going to do this, between signing up and committing, between accessing the content and engaging with it. Making the decision means that you're saying, not just with your wallet, but with your calendar, with your attention, with your priorities, with your bandwidth, and with your cup of resources like your time and your energy and your whatever it is. You're saying, I'm...

ready. I'm doing this. I'm showing up for myself. I'm not just hoping this works. I'm making it work, whatever it takes. That's what it looks like to make the decision. That's ownership. That's the part of investing. That's the first part of investing in yourself. And these things then turn into a deeper layer, and that is commitment. That brings us to number two, commitment. Well, this is kind of one B.

commitment. So I am on right now as I record this, I am on my fifth go round with the 75 hard. And that is the one thing that I have learned every time I've done it and been reminded of every time I've done it. But I really learned this the first time through that you are committing what that really means. It's a mental toughness challenge. It's not mine. You can go look it up. But what it really is, is it's not just you.

deciding to do a bunch of things. It is committing, it is you committing to doing those things for 75 days, no matter what. No matter what. No matter what that looks like. No matter what comes up. No matter how you feel or what situations need your attention that you didn't know about. It's a commitment. And that brings us to the second thing that you need in order to invest in yourself.

And that is that you need to engage with discomfort because here's what nobody probably tells you when you buy the program. Real change is uncomfortable. In order for you to get the result that is being promised, you're going to have to endure discomfort. And it does not signal that the program is bad. And it doesn't signal that you're doing it wrong when you get uncomfortable.

The reason that you experience discomfort is because growth requires you to do things differently than you've been doing them. It requires that you sit with hard emotions instead of avoiding them. It requires you to try things, new things that feel awkward at first. It requires you to keep going even when you don't see results immediately or when you think you should. It requires you to face the patterns that got you stuck in the first place.

It requires that you admit things that no one really likes admitting and that is uncomfortable. But here's the thing, it's supposed to be uncomfortable because comfort is where you've been living and comfort is why you're stuck. so investing in yourself, it means that you're willing to engage with the discomfort. You're willing to show up even when it's hard. You're willing to keep going even when your brain is screaming at you to stop.

You're not signing up for a class or a course or coaching when you invest in yourself. You're signing up for whatever needs to be done to become a better version of yourself in that regard. Whatever problem you're buying a tool to help with, it's going to take investing in your willingness to be uncomfortable. But I think we all know that growth happens only on the other side of discomfort. You already know that that is true.

but being willing to engage and allow and sit in that discomfort, that's the second part of investing in yourself. Here's the third thing. You follow through even when no one is watching. And this is the hardest one because when you buy a program, there's often accountability built in, but there's gonna be times, plenty of times where no one is checking, right?

There will be some surface level, maybe some posts that you need to make, maybe some deadlines, maybe some check-ins, community posts. In that external structure, it does help. But real transformation, real lasting change, that happens when you keep showing up even after the accountability fades and even at the deeper level that accountability doesn't touch. When you keep doing the work, even when no one is checking, when you make the choice again and again and again,

Not because you have to, but because you decided you're worth it. That the pain is worth it. There's that saying that says, change only when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain required to change. Well, there's a reason that that is something that is thrown around a lot. It's because it's true. So again, the...

We only become willing to change when we decide that staying the same is costing us more than it's gonna cost us to change. And I hope that you caught one thing as I repeated that essentially twice. There's pain either way. That's so important to see because your brain often doesn't allow you to see that there's this pick your pain, pick your pain choice. There's the pain of change.

This is what your brain allows you to see and then follows up with, no, no, don't do that. That's going to be so hard. But often what your brain doesn't let you see, but you can't unsee it once you see it. It's this truth that staying right where you at, comes with its own set of pain. There is pain either way. So the decision that you have isn't do I want to avoid the pain or don't I, it really is which type do I want?

The decision that you make to endure the pain and discomfort because it's worth it, because the change is worth it, because the follow through is worth it, that's what integrity looks like. That's you investing in yourself. And here's what you need to make sure you're really hearing. If you're not willing to do all of those three things to make the decision, to embrace and even welcome the hard stuff and to follow through,

Because you'll know it, you'll know it if you don't. Whatever it is you're buying, the program, the class, the course, it won't work. The coaching won't work. But it's not because any of those things are bad, but because the tool is only as effective as the person using it. Another little 75 hard story for you is there was one time where I went out for a walk at 12, 30 in the morning because that was the time.

that I got to my walk and that was required of me that day to complete that program. Nobody would have known. Nobody else would have known that I didn't go out for the walk and that I didn't complete the walk that day. But I would have. So investing in yourself, it really is about decision and discomfort and follow through. But why do so many women then

keep buying programs instead of doing the work. Because buying does feel like progress. And doing the work, it often feels like failure, at least at first. So hang on, let me explain. When you buy a program, you kind of get this immediate dopamine hit of hope. You feel like you've done something, you've taken action, you've moved forward, and that feels good. It feels really good.

It's a sense of relief. It's this sense of release. It's this moment of finally, things are gonna change. And I don't wanna make it sound like buying the thing isn't an action step because it is. It is an action step that you are taking and it matters, but it can't stop there. The truth is when you actually start doing the work, it usually isn't gonna feel like progress, at least not right away.

Doing the work usually is going to feel slow. It's going to feel messy. It feels like you're not doing it right. It feels like it's not working fast enough. And so your brain, your beautiful, well-meaning brain that wants to help you, interprets the discomfort and the lack of progress in the, this is as slow as molasses as failure. And so what does your brain do? It goes looking for relief again. A new program, a new course, a new system, a new hope.

Because buying something new, gives you that dopamine hit again. It gives you that dopamine hit of progress without the discomfort of actually changing anything. And it is so important to recognize that there is nothing wrong here. Your brain is doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing and keeping you safe from discomfort and danger. It's not you, it's your brain. But it's so important to recognize the difference between investing in a solution and investing

in yourself so that you can choose differently because this cycle, this, I need relief and buying a solution and starting, but stopping when it feels hard and looking for the next hope, this is the trap. And this is why so many women become serial buyers, but stay stuck in the same struggles.

Not because the programs are bad or there's anything wrong with them, but because they're using the programs as a way to avoid, avoid the work and not engage with it. And listen, I say this with so much compassion because I've been there. I've been the woman who bought the planner and used it for three days, who signed up for the course and never really logged back in, who joined the program and then let life get in the way. I've been the woman who kept buying new things because that felt like progress, even when nothing was actually changing.

And here's what I finally realized. I wasn't investing in myself. I was investing in the idea of myself, the future version of me who had it all together, the fantasy version who was motivated and disciplined and consistent and experiencing success. But that version of me, it didn't exist yet. And the reality is she wasn't going to exist just because I bought another program. She was only going to exist when I stopped buying and started being.

when I stopped buying and started being, when I stopped planning and started practicing, when I stopped hoping and started owning. That's when everything shifted. So what we're gonna step into right now, this part might sting a little bit, even if this already has, this is gonna do the same thing. But I need you to hear it because this is the truth. This really is the truth that can put an end

to this endless cycle. And it's very simple, maybe even obvious. Tools don't work unless you use them. And using them requires more than just access. Think about it this way. If I handed you a hammer and told you to build a house, would the hammer do the work for you? Of course not. The hammer is just a tool. It's useful, it's necessary, but it doesn't build the house. You, you were the one who builds the house. The hammer just...

helps. And the same is true for courses and planners and coaching, all of it. They're tools. They're really good tools, useful tools, necessary tools, but they don't create the change. You, you create the change. The tools just help. They make it easier. They make it faster. They make it more supportive. And here's where it gets tricky. Most women, they know this intellectually.

They know that the program isn't magic. They know they have to do the work. But emotionally, they're still hoping the tool will do the heavy lifting. They're still waiting for the program to motivate them. They're still waiting for the system to fix them. They're still waiting for the course to transform them. But that isn't how it works. The program can give you the roadmap, but you have to walk the path. The system can give you the structure, but you have to show up inside it.

The course can give you the knowledge, but you have to apply it. The coach can give you the guidance, but you have to do the work. There is no shortcut. There is no hack for that. There is no way around the actual doing. And I know that that might not be what you want to hear. I know that you're tired. I know that you're tired of trying. I know that you're overwhelmed. I know that you want something just to work without so much effort.

But here's what I also know. You're stronger than you think. You're more capable than you believe. And you can do hard things. And I know that because you've done plenty of them. You just have to stop waiting for the tool to do it for you. So how then do you make that shift? How do you move from programs to actually investing in yourself? It starts with changing your relationship to the tools that you already have.

Because here's what I've noticed. Most women don't have a tool problem. They have an engagement problem. They don't need another planner. They need to actually use the one that they have. They don't need another course. They need to finish some of the ones that they already bought. They don't need another system. They need to show up inside the one that they already joined. The problem isn't the tool. The problem is the mindset that you're bringing to the tool. And that mindset is one of consumption instead of of creation.

So let me explain what I mean, because those were two very powerful words. When you are in consumer mode, you're passive. You're waiting for the program to work its magic. You're hoping the system is going to fix you or fix whatever the problem is. You're expecting the course to change your life. You're consuming and taking information, but you're not creating the change. But when you shift into creator mode, then, now, you become active.

You're using the program as a tool to build something. You're engaging with the system to create new patterns or new thoughts. You're applying the course content to transform your life. You're not waiting for change to happen to you. You're creating change through you. Do you see the difference? That's the shift from consumer to creator. That's the difference between buying programs and investing in yourself. So how do you make that shift practically? How do we do this on a practical level?

No worries, I've got some steps for you. I always do. Step one, stop buying new things until you've used at least some of what you already have. And I know this sounds simple, but it's not necessarily easy because buying new things, again, it feels productive, but it's often not. It's just avoidance dressed up in action. It's just avoidance, avoiding doing the things without action.

So pause, stop scrolling, stop shopping, stop looking for the next thing, and instead look at what you already have. What programs have you bought but not finished? What did you join at one time and make good progress with and start to move the needle forward but then just gave up because it was too hard or it wasn't happening fast enough or it just wasn't the right time? What resources have you downloaded but not used? What tools have you invested in but not engaged with?

Start there. Just pick one and commit to using it unless it's absolutely no longer relevant. And you'll know if that's the case. Step two, engage with it like you mean it. Not halfway. Not when you feel like it. Not if it's convenient, but like you actually mean it. That means blocking the time. That means showing up consistently. That means doing the work even when you don't feel motivated. It means pushing through the discomfort.

It means staying in the process even when you don't see results immediately or fast enough. It means treating the tool like a tool, not a magic solution, and treating yourself like someone who's capable of using it. Step three, follow through until you see results. This is the hardest part because most women quit right before the breakthrough. I see it time and time again. They quit right before it clicks, right before the transformation.

starts to unfold. They do the work for a week, maybe two, maybe a month or two. They start to see a little progress, but then life gets loud or they hit a plateau or they get discouraged because it's not happening fast enough and they quit. They move on to the next thing. They start over again. But here's the truth. Transformation doesn't happen in a week. It probably doesn't happen in a month. It happens when you stay in the process long enough for the small changes to compound. It happens

When you keep showing up, even when you can't see the progress yet, when you trust the process, even when your brain is telling you it's not working, when you follow through until you actually see the results, not just hope for them, that's what investing in yourself actually looks like in real life. So let's talk about the elephant in the room, the thing nobody wants to admit, but everyone is wondering. If you're a serial buyer, if you keep purchasing programs, courses, planners, resources,

but nothing sticks, what does that say about you? Does it mean you're lazy? Does it mean you're bad at follow through? Does it mean you're broken? No, it just means you're human and that you've essentially been sold a lie. The lie that buying something is the same as doing something. The belief that purchasing a program is the same as investing in yourself. The belief that the tool will do the work for you if you just find the right one. And you've believed that.

Not because you're naive, but because it's everywhere. It's in every sales page. It's in every marketing message. It's in every course launch. Buy this and your life will change. Sign up and you'll be transformed. Invest in this and you'll finally have what you want. But that's not how this works. And deep down, you know that. You've known it all along. The programs that you've bought, they weren't bad. The tools that you've invested in, they weren't wrong.

The problem was likely never that external solution. The problem was the expectation that the external solution would create an internal transformation without you having to actually engage with the process. And that's not your fault. That's what you've been taught. That's what you were sold. That's what we want to believe is true.

That's what you believed because everyone believes that too. But now you know differently. You see the pattern. Now you understand the difference between buying programs and investing in yourself. And you get to choose differently then. You get to stop being a consumer and start being a creator. You get to stop collecting tools and start using them. You get to stop buying hope and start owning your process, your growth.

So what happens when you make that shift? What changes when you stop buying programs and start investing in yourself? Everything. Not overnight, not dramatically, but steadily, honestly, powerfully. First, you stop wasting money on things you won't use. You stop impulse buying courses because they're on sale and you stop signing up for programs that you know you won't finish. You stop collecting resources you'll never open because you're not looking for hope anymore.

You're looking for tools you'll actually use. And you only invest in the things that you know you're ready to engage with. Second, you start trusting yourself again because you start keeping promises to yourself. You start showing up when you said you would. You start following through even when it's hard and messy. And every time you do that, every time you choose yourself and you show up for yourself, invest in yourself, you rebuild trust, self-trust, the kind of trust that can't be bought.

the kind that has to be earned. And third, you'll start seeing real results, not because you found the perfect program, but because you discovered the magic system. It's the system of showing up and investing. You stayed in the process long enough for the work to work. That's the magic. You start to feel less overwhelmed, less scattered, less stuck, because you're not constantly starting over anymore. You're building on what you've already done.

You're creating momentum instead of always chasing after it. And fourth, and this is the biggest one, you stop looking outside yourself for the answer. You stop waiting for the next program, the next course, the next guru, the next system, because you finally understand that the answer, it was never out there. It was always in here. It was in you, in your willingness to show up and engage and do the hard work to get messy and get uncomfortable. That's what changes when you invest in yourself.

It's not just your circumstances. It's not just your results, but your entire relationship to yourself and your capacity to create change. So let's bring this all full circle. If you've been a serial buyer, if you've purchased program after program and courses and downloaded the things, but still feel stuck, I want you to hear this one more time. You haven't done anything wrong. You're not lazy.

and you're not bad at follow through. You've just been taught that buying something or downloading something is the same as investing in yourself and it's not. Buying a program is investing in a tool. Investing in yourself is using it. Buying a course is investing in information. Investing in yourself is applying it. Buying a coaching package is investing in access. Investing in yourself is showing up and being transparent and doing the hard work. The tool is just the entry fee. The real investment

That's what comes after. And once you understand that, once you see the difference, you can stop collecting and start creating. You can stop hoping and start owning. You can stop being a consumer and start being a creator. So here's what I want you to do after you finish listening here today. Go look at what you already have, the programs that you've bought, the courses you've joined.

the resources you've downloaded and ask yourself, have I actually used these? Have I engaged with them? Have I invested in myself by doing the work? And if the answer is no, pick one, just one, and decide right now that you're gonna finish it, you're gonna use it, that you're gonna show up for it, that you're gonna get honest inside it, that you're gonna invest in yourself and you're actually gonna use it and you're gonna trust the process. You're not gonna demand immediate results or even fast ones. You're not gonna demand that you move forward in a linear path or that you do it.

flawlessly, but that you step into it intentionally and then do it. Start today, block off the time, show up, engage, follow through. Because that's what investing in yourself looks like in real life. It's not buying more things. It's using what you have. It's not collecting more tools, but becoming someone who uses them. Chances are you already have something that you need for an area you would like to improve in your life, but you have to choose to use it.

So that's what I had for you today. A lot, right? But thank you so much for being here. Thank you for trusting me with your time and attention and kind of letting you, for asking you to get real and honest and maybe for me to say some painful things. But thank you for choosing to invest in yourself by being here and listening. And if this episode resonated with you, I would love for you to share it with someone that you know needs it too. If you haven't already, make sure that you're following me here so that you don't miss.

all of the episodes, we have the hard conversations, I share the truth bombs because that's what's going to help you finally move from where you are to where you want to be. So until we talk again, make it a great day.