Ep. 231: Why You Haven’t Been Able to Start (And What Changes Today)

Today, we’re kicking off something really huge. I host huge week long clutter events..typically at the start of every quarter, which is of course today! 

But when it comes to what we’re focusing on this week, I want to share a thought that I think almost every woman has had when it comes to clutter:

‘I don’t even know where to start.’

If that’s ever been you, I want you to hear this right away:

That thought makes sense.

Not because you’re stuck.

Not because you’re unmotivated.

But because of the life you’re trying to do this inside of.

That’s the conversation I’m having with you today…let’s keep going!

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Transcript

Okay, so here's what I know to be true. Most women are not looking at their home from a place of calm and clear thinking. They're looking at it in the middle of real life. They're already managing schedules and juggling health problems. They're dealing with relationship strains and thinking about what's next, always thinking about what's next. Holding conversations in their head, remembering things that they don't want to forget, making decisions all day long. And so when you look...

at that space, when you look at those boxes or those bins or those piles or the kitchen counter or the dining room table and you see all of the stuff, you're actually not just seeing stuff. You're seeing everything that needs a decision, everything that's been sitting, everything that's unfinished, everything that pulls at your heart. And your brain knows something really important and you probably don't even realize it. Wrapped up in all of that stuff,

is decisions. And you know, your brain knows, it's not just one decision. It's lots of decisions. And so on the cusp of that, your brain pauses. It hesitates. It avoids adding more into a life, into a brain that is already screaming overload. And so when that happens, we make our hesitation, we make that pause. We make the fact that we look at all of the stuff and we say,

really need to take care of that. But then we turn and walk away. We make that mean something about us. We say things to ourselves like, why can't I just start? But it's so important to know that what is happening, it's not a motivation problem. It's a clarity problem inside of an already full life.

And in the Spring Clutter Fresh Start, I'm also gonna be sharing that there's actually another layer here that is really just as important. Because clutter isn't just about what's in your home. It's not just about what's on the dining room table or in the boxes or in the pile of stuff thrown on the chair in the corner of your room. It's about why all of that stuff, why all of that stuff is there in the first place.

And this is what I call your clutter language. The reason something is hard for you to deal with, it might be completely different than the reason that same stuff might be hard for someone else to deal with. For one woman, it might be, well, I might need this someday. And for another woman, now this is what I personally know. This is what my heart struggles with. My heart struggles with a new identity, an old identity that

has ended. For me, my heart struggles when I look at the boxes in the bins. And I don't know if you saw me on Instagram this weekend, but I shared myself standing there in the midst surrounded by the boxes and the bins. What I was struggling with in that moment, it wasn't the items in the bins. It was knowing that my days of bringing new babies home is over. I know that I won't ever need those again. I won't ever be a new mom again. And

That's my thing. For someone else, you might pick stuff up, and you might say the very same stuff in the boxes. But your struggle might be, I spent really good money on this. I can't just let it go. And as I was standing there surrounded by all of these bins, I just felt something, right? I knew this isn't just clutter. All of those things, they're tied to a former identity, a season when my kids were little.

because all of those were bins that were sizes that my kids have outgrown, 2T, 3T, 4T. Those were seasons when my kids were little. And as I was standing there, all the memories, they were also coming up. And so when I looked at those boxes and those bins, I didn't just see clothes. I saw time. I saw moments. I saw something that I wasn't really quite ready to let go of yet. And so that...

That is why I never even started this weekend. And the same is true for you when you have these standing there surrounded by the bins and the boxes or standing there committed to dealing with the dining room table, but you just walk away. What's happening is that you need to gain this understanding into your clutter language that is tied to those specific things.

And I'm guessing that you think the problem is the stuff or your energy level or the fact that you're lazy or you're not motivated or I just must not be committed enough. You think those are all the problems. But the problem is that all of that stuff, it represents something. And until you can see that and until you can understand that, you will keep approaching the boxes and the bins and the kitchen counter clutter and the dining room table that's covered and you can't eat a meal at it.

You will keep approaching that the same way. And I can pretty much guarantee you'll keep getting stuck in the exact same way. So what do we do then? What do we do when we're standing there waiting and we can't get started? You have to figure out, here's the key. And really this is kind of this cycle that we're gonna be unpacking in day one of the spring clutter fresh start.

You have to figure out where to start. And probably what's happening is you're questioning that. That feels like an impossible question to answer. Should I start with the worst room? Should I start with what? Should I start small? Should I set a timer and just work for a specific amount of time? Maybe I should start with the area or the pile or the box or the bin that bothers me the most. And so you stand there and all of these different starting points bounce around in your mind.

And so you're sitting there and you're figuring and you're rationalizing and you're thinking about it all, but you've never actually started. Because in reality, you can't start until you figure out where to start. And by the time you've burned up all of that brain space with that internal debate and rationalizing and thinking and overthinking with yourself, now you're completely out of gas, probably out of time. You've probably been interrupted by someone else or maybe even yourself. And so...

You just wait, right? You walk away rationalizing, I'm just gonna wait, right? I'm gonna wait until I have more time. I'm gonna wait till I have more clarity. I'm gonna wait till I have a better plan. I'm gonna wait till I have more energy. And really, that feels like a responsible decision, right? But all of those conditions that you're waiting for, we know those almost never come. And so,

You stay in this endless cycle of thinking about it and feeling the weight of it, but never actually moving. And over time, the weight of all of that stuff and the weight of all of those decisions and the, don't know where to start and the times and all of those times that I started, but never actually did anything, all of that gets heavier. And so that stuff gets heavier, not just physically, but emotionally. And so if this is what is happening with you,

The problem isn't that you don't want to start. The problem is that you've been trying to start without understanding what's underneath all of the clutter, what's wrapped up inside all of it. And then we need to circle back and point out again that you're standing there in the middle of it, negotiating and renegotiating and burning all that brain fuel in the midst of a life that is already over full.

maybe with invisible load, right? Things like mental load and emotional load. And so you're already over full. And I know I feel that way right now too. And so if this is what has been happening to you, The solution isn't that you need more motivation or more time or a better plan. What you need is a different way to begin. And it starts with knowing exactly where and

why you're starting. And so in the Spring Clutter Fresh Start, again, that's my quarterly event that I'm hosting for quarter two, I'm going to walk you through in day one, exactly how to choose a place to begin based on relief, not overwhelm, and how to start in a way that actually works within the context and the reality of your daily life. And so,

If you want to join us, you can. You'll find the link below. Every day this week, beginning April 6th, we are starting live at noon. Except there's one little variation and you'll get that in the emails when you sign up. There's one day we're not starting at noon. But each day, we're gonna be starting and we're gonna be working for maybe 45 minutes. I'm gonna be teaching for maybe 45 minutes.

And then after that, you have the option to join us for an additional what I call a skills lab. It's what I take everybody in my coaching community accomplished lifestyle through. Pretty much every day we have skills labs on one skill or another. So you're welcome to join us live, but you're also welcome to join us on your own time. Each day we'll have 24 hour replay access. And then you have the option.

to upgrade us for those skills lab calls and also get replay access to every single one of the five days of lessons, an amazing workbook that is cheat sheets all wrapped up into one. And you can then go back and watch again and again and again. The best part, whether you're watching live or on the replay on your own time, is that I will be there to guide you. And there will also be a room full of other women who are also struggling with clutter.

They're gonna be there too. So join us, whether you're here for the event live or you know I just need help with my clutter. Look down below, use the link there to join the Spring Clutter Fresh Start. And we're kicking things off today and we'll be getting started. I can't wait to see you there.