Ep. 246: Your Clutter Isn't Laziness. It's Guilt and Grief.

On one of my Instagram Reels this weekend, I asked one question.

Is your clutter driven more by guilt… or grief?

That's it. One question.

And the responses were surprising, but honestly not really all that surprising either. 

I thought maybe I'd get a few votes, a handful of "oh, guilty!" responses. What I actually got was women pouring their hearts out in some DMs to me…

Women started sharing about their kids' artwork still stuffed in bins from ten years ago. Storage units full of stuff they haven't looked at in years but can't bring themselves to sort through. Clothes that don't fit anymore…or fit just fine, but belong to a version of themselves they're not sure they recognize. Boxes from parents who passed away. Boxes from marriages that ended. Unfinished craft projects. Half-used planners. Empty bedrooms with the door left cracked because closing it fully feels like too much.

Piles they avoid looking at entirely.

And what became very clear, very quickly, was this:

Your clutter isn't laziness.

A lot of it is emotional survival.

Because midlife women aren't just managing homes and possibly work expectations. They're managing identities. Memories. Pressure. Loss. Expectations. And enough emotional weight to sink a ship…usually with little support and no pause button.

And eventually all of that emotional weight starts showing up physically.

Midlife mess isn't random. It's a message.

Let’s talk about it!

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Transcript

Well, OK, so today we're talking about something that I think a lot of women carry quietly. And it's this quiet shame around their clutter. Not because they care about having a Pinterest perfect home. Let's be honest, most of the women listening here have been around long enough to know that that does not exist in real life. No, the shame that these women are feeling, it's not about aesthetics. It's because the clutter starts to feel like evidence, evidence that they can't get it together.

that everyone else has it figured out and that they somehow missed the memo. And I want to kind of talk about that upfront because it really matters. Here's what I would propose. You are not struggling to manage your clutter because your house feels heavy. You are likely carrying emotional weight that nobody ever taught you how to process, weight that nobody acknowledged, that nobody made space for, and that nobody kind of gave you a roadmap out of.

And so today we're gonna be unpacking that together. We're gonna look at where this clutter actually comes from, what it's really connected to, and what you can do, not with a massive decluttering project, not with another organizational system like we often think of when we think of clutter, but what you can actually do with something completely different. And that is awareness. Because that's where this all needs to start. So awareness.

The next thing I want to point out is something else. And I think we really need to start with this thing, and it's guilt. Because I think this is where a lot of women are living without even realizing it. Guilt clutter is the stuff that we keep not because it's useful, not because it brings us joy in any real sort of way, but because it feels emotionally tied to our worth as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as a woman who cares.

So let me give you some examples and see if any of these kind of resonate with you. Maybe you've got bins of kids artwork, dating all the way back to preschool, unread school papers, expensive hobby supplies for the hobby that you were convinced that you'd pick back up someday, clothes that should fit again someday, unfinished home projects, planners that you bought with the best of intentions and used through February at best.

Books on the nightstand that you've been meaning to read since easily 2021. Things that you spent serious money on. Things that you might need someday, though you can't really explain when or why. Does this sound familiar? Any of this? Because if so, this is what I want you to notice. None of those things are being kept because they're functional. These things are being kept because

throwing them away or donating them or even just moving them to a different location feels like an indictment of who you are. I remember keeping box after box of my kids artwork for years. And if I'm being completely honest with you, and that's what I do here, it wasn't because every single drawing was precious and irreplaceable. Some of it was, but a lot of it was.

just scribbles and drawings that were pretty much all identical because that's what that particular kid was into drawing for that season. Yet even though these were so many of the same, pretty much identical things, throwing any of it away felt kind of like throwing away proof. Proof that I had shown up, proof that I had been present, proof that I was a good mom. Like if I kept every piece of art that my kid ever created,

That was the evidence that I actually loved them well, that I showed up for them. And I think women do this constantly without realizing it. We attach morality to objects. We think good moms keep everything. Responsible women finish what they start. Disciplined women stay organized. Capable women don't get overwhelmed. And so when the house then starts feeling chaotic, when the pile on the counter has been there for two weeks,

and the storage room hasn't been touched in a year, it stops feeling like a logistical problem and it starts feeling personal, almost like a personal attack, like a character flaw. And that's why clutter becomes so emotionally exhausting. Every object starts.

carrying a story. Every pile is a reminder of something that you haven't finished, something you didn't follow through on, something you spent money on that didn't work out, something that once mattered, and now you're just not sure what to do with it. And here's the part that I think really makes it feel heavy. It's that you don't even realize it's happening, and it's tricky, right? You just know that the thought of going through that bin or that

It makes you feel tired in a way that you can't even explain before you even start. You know you keep walking past that pile in the corner instead of dealing with it. You know that the guest room has become this dumping grounds and so as a result you don't even go into it anymore and you chalk it up to being busy, to not having enough time, to just needing a good Saturday or a good weekend to finally tackle it. But it's not about the weekend or Saturday. I promise you.

It's not about the weekend. What's actually happening is that every time you walk towards that pile or that guest room, you're not just looking at objects. You're being asked to make an emotional decision. And your nervous system, which is already stretched thin managing your actual life, it takes one look at that pile or that closet or that room and it says, nope, not today, right? We don't have the bandwidth for how that's gonna make us feel all that stuff.

And so you walk away again. And then you feel guilty for walking away, which adds another layer to the pile or the closet or the room. And that's really what the cycle looks like. And contrary to what you probably have thought up to this point, this has nothing to do with discipline. And I also want to say something here that might push back on you a little bit. It might rub you a little bit the wrong way. Some of you are here and you're listening to this and you're going to hear this and you're going to think, OK,

but I'm just messy. I'm just not an organized person. This is just how I am. And I wanna challenge that a bit because I hear it a lot and I think most times it's not actually true. I think I'm just messy is often the story that we tell ourselves when we don't have another explanation for why we can't seem to get on top of it. It's easier to call it a personality trait and label ourselves that way. It's easier to do that than it is to look at what's underneath.

what's actually going on. I would push back and I would say, I don't think it's just that you're messy. I don't think that's it at all. In fact, I could say, having been helping women in the online spaces with a lot of different things, I think I could truthfully say and pretty accurately say, it's not about that. It's that you're overloaded. You're over capacity. You're stretched thin. That's why that stuff is there. And there's a big difference. And here's.

Kind of the truth that I want to make sure that I directly say, you are not required to keep that stuff as evidence of your worth. Just kind of sit with that for a second. You are not required to keep evidence of your worth. You don't need to hold on to every crayon drawing to prove that you were a present invested, intentional, loving mom.

You don't need to keep the treadmill in the corner gathering dust to prove that you care about your health. You don't need to keep the half finished craft project to prove that you're a creative person. You don't need the stack of books that you haven't opened to prove you're someone who values learning and actually enjoys reading. Your worth is not stored in your storage room and it never was. The objects

don't make you who you are and releasing them doesn't erase who you've been. Let me repeat that because that was a lot. Okay. And if you're kind of half listening, just listen for just a second to these two sentences. The objects, the stuff, the piles, what's in the closet, what's in the bin. Okay. The objects don't make you who you are and releasing them doesn't erase.

who you have been. That hit home, right? Like that's a powerful thing. So that's kind of the conversation that centers around guilt. But the guilt isn't the only thing that women are carrying inside the bins, inside the closet, inside the piles. Sometimes what you're really storing is grief, right? Midlife is full of

invisible grief. And I had no idea this was a thing until I hit midlife. And I really want to again say this clearly, midlife is full of invisible grief. I know that we don't talk about this enough. We have this idea that grief is about death, right? And yes, it is, but it's also about so much more than that. There are so many other contexts in which grief shows up.

Midlife is packed with losses that nobody holds a funeral for. We talked about that in a conversation we had back on March 26th. If you did not listen to that conversation, go back and listen to it. OK? Maybe finish listening here, then go back and get the context there. We talked about how nobody brings you a casserole, right?

for these losses that we experience in midlife. Nobody checks on you six weeks later. Nobody gives you time off or tells you it's okay to fall apart for a minute with those midlife losses. Again, listen to that March 26th episode because I go into this a lot more there. But where I wanna kind of shift to today is this. in midlife are grieving children growing up and no longer needing them the way they once did. They're grieving aging parents, either already gone or

kind of going slowly in a way that's its own kind of loss. They're grieving marriages that have shifted, friendships that have drifted, bodies that have changed. They're grieving career dreams that never quite happened, and they're grieving older versions of themselves. The woman that they were before, all of those roles piled up, the version that felt lighter and more certain and more like herself, maybe even happier.

And most of the time, nobody acknowledges these losses. There's no language for any of these things. There's no ritual. You just keep going and you keep managing and you keep showing up and all of that unprocessed grief has to go somewhere. And so sometimes it goes into the spare bedroom. Sometimes it's sitting in that storage tote in the basement. Some women aren't keeping boxes. They're keeping evidence that a season in their life mattered.

that empty bedroom, can be grief. Those baby clothes in the back of the storage closet that you can't give away, even though your youngest is now 17, that's grief. The wedding dress that's hanging in the dry cleaning plastic for 20 years that you, that you never can bring yourself to do something with. Sometimes that's grief too, not because you want to wear it again, but because it represents a version of, of you, that young and hopeful version because

She had no idea what marriage would actually demand of her yet, right? And she hasn't figured out how to say goodbye to that version, the rose colored glasses version that now knows very different. I can picture a woman standing in front of a storage tote, the lid is halfway off and being completely flooded with emotion, not because the objects, not because of the objects that are in there, but because of what all of those objects represents.

because of what it costs her to acknowledge that that season is really truly over. And honestly, this is me. And here's what I want to say to that woman. And maybe it's you like it is me. You do not have to keep everything to honor what it meant, what that season meant. You don't. Honoring a season, it doesn't require you to carry the physical weight of it for the rest of your life. That love, the love, it was real.

and the memories are still real. The loss is real. None of that disappears if you were to let go of those objects. But I also want to acknowledge something before we move on, because I think this is where women get stuck in a way that they don't talk about. There's a particular kind of grief in midlife that has nothing to do with anyone dying or leaving. It's the grief of your own life moving forward without your permission. Of

waking up one day and realizing that you're not who you thought you would be by now. And you're not even sure what happened. How did that happen? Maybe you imagined yourself differently at this age, more settled, more sure of yourself. Maybe you thought the kids would be launched and you'd finally have space to breathe. And instead you feel more lost than you did even when they were little and needed everything from you. At least you had a clear role and job description back then.

Maybe you gave up something, a career, a dream, a version of yourself in order to show up for your family. And you did that willingly and you don't regret it, but it's still a loss. And you're allowed to grieve it even if you'd make the same choice again. I'll tell you what I've noticed in my own life and in working with women like I do. The objects that are hardest to let go of,

are almost never the ones that represent happy, uncomplicated memories. The hardest ones to let go of are the ones that kind of sit at this intersection of love and loss. The ones where you're grieving something and also feeling guilty for grieving it. The ones where the memory is sweet and the current reality is painful. That's the stuff that stays in the closet for 15 years. And I want to give you today permission.

Real permission, not the fluffy kind. To name that as grief, to say out loud, you know what? I'm grieving a version of myself. I'm grieving a season I didn't know was ending until it was already gone, and I feel like I missed it. I'm grieving something that mattered enormously to me, and nobody gave me the space to feel that. Saying things like that, it doesn't show weakness.

It shows honesty and strength. And it's the beginning of actually starting to move through this emotional processing that has to be done at the same time as letting go of the stuff. I say again, it's not just about the stuff and that permission. I think a lot of women genuinely needed permission to hear what I just said. Permission they've never been given.

because nobody told them that it was OK to let it go. And so they just kept holding on quietly, alone in storage rooms and spare bedrooms and corners of closets that nobody else ever sees. And so here's the thing, though. Most midlife clutter isn't just guilt. And it's not just grief. It's actually both. They're often entangled together in ways that make it nearly impossible to sort out by yourself.

Think about any inherited family items, right? Grandmothers, china that you don't use and you don't love it, but you feel guilty for not using it and you're scared to let go of it. You feel the grief of missing her. You feel the obligation of honoring her. You feel the guilt of not being the kind of person who displays china. You feel resentful, honestly, that this has landed in your lap. That's four emotions.

all four very different and diverse emotions all wrapped up in some China. Think about your kid's childhood belongings as they start to move out, right? The soccer cleats from when they were eight, the stuffed animals from the bed that they slept in before they had opinions about their room. Letting those things go means accepting that that chapter is closed. And that can feel like losing them all over again. Here's one. Think about clothing.

Think about the jeans from your 30s, the dress that you wore on a trip that felt like your life was just beginning, the blazer from the job that you loved before everything shifted. These aren't just clothes. They're markers. They're reminders of who you were, who you hoped to be, who you're not sure you'll ever be again. And do you even want to be that person again? There's so much uncertainty. Think about the stack of journals that you started and stopped.

The business idea you sketched out three years ago but never launched. The cabinet full of vitamins and health products from every wellness reset that you've attempted. Every one of those things carries both guilt and grief. And when your brain is holding all of that, when every surface in your home has an emotional charge to it, decision making gets impossibly hard. Not because you're lazy.

or disorganized by nature, or undisciplined, or messy, but because your nervous system is overloaded.

You're not making organizational decisions in those moments. You're making emotional decisions. And emotional decisions are exhausting. They require you to feel things that you may not have time to feel. Grieve things you haven't had the space to grieve and let go of things that still hurt to release. All of this, this is not a discipline problem. This is an emotional capacity challenge.

And I say that not to give you an excuse or to make it feel hopeless. I'm not here. don't do excuses. But I share this to give you an accurate diagnosis. Because here's the truth. You cannot organize your way out of unresolved emotional weight. I've watched women buy every storage bin on the market, the beautiful matching labeled bins. And two months later, the chaos is back.

because the bins were never the problem nor the solution. The weight underneath was the problem and nobody looked there. And so I want to tell you something that I've shared in coaching before because I think it illustrates this really well. A few years ago, I went through a season of burnout, real, genuine, legit burnout, not just tired, not just a hard week, but that bone deep kind where you're going through the motions, but there's nothing left inside.

And during that season, my house was a mess. My house was a disaster, not a little cluttered, like a real problem. And I kept telling myself that I just needed to get organized. And so I bought new bins and I made lists and I watched some inspirational videos about decluttering and decluttering systems. And I watched them at 10 30 at night, like, like it was my job. And that

watching these videos and having these bins, it was going to fix something. And I did all of those things, but nothing changed because the problem was not my storage system or my step-by-step process. The problem was that I was running on empty and carrying things emotionally that I had never dealt with. Resentment I hadn't named, grief I'd skipped over, pressure that I'd absorbed from every direction and just kept swallowing and pushing down.

All of that, all of that was living in my house physically because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. And it wasn't until I actually started addressing the emotions and the emotional load, the real stuff, the stuff I'd been avoiding, that the physical space started to shift too. Not because I finally found the right organizational method or had the right bins, but because I stopped

having to manage my avoidance. And that's what I want for you too. It's not just a cleaner house. It's a lighter life. But here's the other side of that. You also cannot heal what you refuse to acknowledge. And so that's where we're going to go next. All right. So we've covered a lot of heavy things. I know I've given you a lot to chew on. I know I have probably hit you

square between the eyes with some of the things that I've said. I know it probably has felt like I've punched you in the gut a couple of times because some of this resonates so deeply with you. So let's shift and let's make this practical now. Not overwhelming and I'm not going to be talking about a weekend project. I'm not going to be talking about a new system to implement, just awareness because awareness is where change actually begins.

Okay, we're not about moving stuff. We're about awareness. And so I want to give you three steps with what that looks like. They take three minutes each. Okay? You can do this with one drawer, one bin, one pile on the counter. And the goal isn't to declutter today. The goal is to start telling yourself the truth about that stuff. The truth about the emotions that you're carrying along with that stuff.

Okay? So step one is to label it. And no, I'm not talking about the labels that you're going to stick on bins. Label it. Pick up the object or just look at it in the pile and ask yourself honestly, what is this actually connected to? Emotion wise, is it guilt? Are you keeping this because you feel like you should because throwing it away would make you feel like a bad person, a bad mom or irresponsible?

with your finances in some way? Maybe it's grief. Does this thing represent a season, a person, a version of yourself that you haven't found a way to say goodbye to? What about fear? Is it fear? Are you keeping it because you're afraid that you'll regret getting rid of it? Afraid that you'll need it? Afraid of what it means about you if you let it go? Is it fantasy? Is this object

Is to some version of yourself that you're still hoping to become? The person who scrapbooks or who runs marathons or who crochets or hosts dinner parties or who reads a new book every week? Is it pressure? Did someone give this to you? And so releasing it feels somehow like some sort of rejection of them. Is it identity? Is this object part of how you see yourself?

even if that chapter has long closed in your life, you don't have to do anything with the object yet, okay? Just label the emotion, get honest about what's actually happening when you look at it, okay? Step one is label it. Step two is to name it, okay? Once you've got the correct feeling emotion label, go one level deeper, peel back another layer of the onion.

Say the actual thought out loud or write it down. I'm afraid letting go of this means that those years don't matter anymore. I feel guilty that I spent money on this and I never ended up using it. I thought I would be a different kind of person by now and keeping this means that I'm still trying. Maybe you would say I miss who I was in that season and this is one of the last things

that I have left from her. What about, this represents pressure, not peace. These sentences, they can feel small, especially when I just share them here. But know that as you are actually experiencing them, you have found the correct feeling or emotional label, and now you start naming it and saying sentences like this, you will experience that these are not small things.

When you name things honestly, when you stop calling it clutter and start calling it what it actually is, things shift. The power that the object had over you, it starts to weaken. It starts to change because now you're not just looking at a pile of stuff. You're looking at something. You're looking at what you have actually been carrying and you finally know what it is. When you name things in this way,

they lose some of their grip on you. So step two is to name it. And then step three is to release it. And only after you have done steps one and two can you ask the real question, which is not, should I keep this or throw it away? That question is gonna send you back in the endless circles you've probably been running around in for years or maybe decades, if that's how long this stuff has been around.

Instead, you want to ask this, does this support the life that I am living right now? Not the life I used to have, not the life I hope to have someday, but the life I'm actually in today? Am I keeping this from a place of love and genuine meaning or from a place of obligation and guilt? Here's a really good question. And again, this is going to hit you in the gut probably, but it's such a good question to ask.

Is this helping me heal or is this helping me avoid? Is this helping me heal or is this helping me avoid? And here's the reframe that I want to leave you with on this step.

Letting go is not betrayal. Sometimes letting go is the most loving thing that you can do for yourself, for the memory, for the season you're trying to be present in or walking into. You can honor something without continuing to carry it. You can love someone without keeping their boxes in your garage forever. You can acknowledge that a chapter in your life

mattered without essentially keeping some sort of shrine to it in your spare bedroom. Sometimes, a lot of times, letting go isn't giving up. Sometimes it's leadership. It's saying, I know what this was. I know what it meant. And I'm choosing to step forward anyway. And I want to kind of bring this to an end.

clearly before we're done here today. Your clutter is not proof that you're lazy. It is not proof that you're failing or that you are incapable or that everyone else somehow has it together and you just missed something. A lot of midlife women are carrying years, sometimes decades of emotional weight with no support, no pause button, no space to process

what they've actually been through. Losses that were never acknowledged, grief that was never named, identity shifts that happened quietly while everyone else needed something from them. Of course, of course it shows up in a physical way. Of course the house starts to feel heavy when the woman living in it has been running on empty for years. And I want to say something to the women who have been

hard on themselves about this for a long time. The women who have stood in the middle of the mess and felt ashamed, who have compared their homes to other people's and felt like they were failing, who have tried to fix it a hundred times and couldn't figure out why nothing stuck. You were not and are not missing discipline. You were not missing the right system. You were missing the truth.

about what was actually going on. And now you have it. Which means that the next move isn't to go attack your house. The next move is to sit with what came up for you in this conversation. Maybe you need to name something. Maybe you need to give yourself permission to grieve something that you've been pretending isn't a loss. Maybe you need to say it out loud, even just to yourself that you are carrying more

then anyone realizes and that it's okay to put some of it down. Start there. Because here's what I know after working with women through this work. The physical clutter almost always follows the emotional clutter. The emotional clutter is there first. When women start then doing the inner work, when they start naming what they're carrying and giving themselves permission to let it go, the external stuff

gets easier to deal with, not automatically and not overnight, but it gets easier because they're not fighting themselves anymore. Instead of standing in the middle of the mess and asking, why can't I just get this together, start asking, what is this trying to tell me? What am I holding onto that I haven't had permission to let go of or to grieve? What am I carrying that was never really mine to carry? What version of myself

Am I protecting or avoiding in these boxes? And is it time to let go of her? Is it time to let her rest? You don't need to burn your whole life down. You don't need to spend a weekend gutting your house. You don't need to become a minimalist or hire a professional organizer or start some 30 day challenge. You just need to start telling yourself the truth because the mess is a message.

And when you're finally willing to hear it, really hear it, that's when things start to change. So let me leave you with four takeaways that I want to make sure you don't miss from our conversation today. Your clutter is not a discipline problem. It's an emotional one. If you've tried the bins and the systems and the 30 day challenges and the mess keeps coming back or just staying there, it's because organization was never the real problem.

guilt and grief, an emotional weight that never got processed. That's what's actually living in your home. You cannot organize your way out of unresolved feelings, but you can start naming them. And that is the absolute key to actually taking care of the stuff, the clutter. Number two, midlife is full of grief that nobody acknowledges. Kids growing up,

parents aging, marriages shifting, maybe even ending, versions of yourself that you quietly let go of while you were so busy dealing with everything. Those are real losses, the kinds that, again, you didn't even realize were happening. The boxes in the basement and the clothes that don't fit in the empty bedroom with the door left just a little bit open. A lot of that isn't clutter. It's grief in disguise. And you're allowed to name that to acknowledge it.

and to experience it. Takeaway number three, you are not required to keep evidence of your worth. You don't need every crayon drawing to prove that you were a present mom who loved her kids. You don't need the treadmill in the corner to prove that you cared about your health. The objects don't make you who you are. And so therefore releasing them doesn't erase who you've been. Your worth is not stored in your storage closet. And it never was.

Take away number four to take with you. Try the label, name, release, three-step process. Try that on a small pile, in a small box. Pick one thing, just the first thing, right? Pick it and then ask what emotion it's actually connected to. Is it guilt? Is it grief? Is it fear? Is it fantasy? Is it identity? Is it obligation? And then say the honest thought that follows out loud.

I'm afraid that letting go of this means that that season didn't matter or that I wasn't ever that person. Then ask one question. Does this support the life that I'm actually living right now? Not the life that I used to have, not the one that I'm hoping for, but the one today and start there with just one pile or in one bin and one object in that pile or in that bin at a time because

The physical space almost always follows that emotional one. And so if we can deal with the emotions and start to move through those, then you can move through the stuff. Know that if our conversation hit home for you today, I want you to do one thing. Send it to a friend. Another woman that you know is quietly carrying her own version of this. And just help her name it.

Is it guilt? Is it grief? Is it both? Let this be the conversation that opens up something for her. And maybe it could be something that then opens a conversation for the two of you. Maybe you can help each other process through this. And if you're ready to go deeper, if you're kind of tired of surviving life on your own, and if you're ready to start leading it,

Come join us in accomplished lifestyle the next time registration opens. Accomplishedlifestyle.com is where you can check out if we are currently taking on new members. That's where we do this work together. And we don't just deal with clutter, by the way. We deal with a new topic of clutter every month, but we also talk about capacity. We also talk about identity. We also talk about

who we are and who we want to be and what it looks like to live the life we actually want to live with intention and purpose, even if we have a lot of roles and responsibilities. How do we manage things like clutter and identity and our dreams? How do we manage all of those things intentionally while also making meals and dealing with laundry and volunteering?

That's the work that we actually do. We talk about mindset. We talk about emotional weight and capacity and the systems then that actually support the life that we want. Even when life is hard and messy and overloaded and we are all about progress because progress is always progress. Know that if you were here for this conversation today, you can look at your stuff differently starting

in this moment. And you can start to handle it differently. You can start to have the real conversations that you really need to have. And it's not what kind of organizational bin do I need. It starts with awareness and naming it and saying it out loud and releasing it. That's what it's all about. So thanks for joining me here today, friend. I would always love if you could leave a comment, participate in the conversation below, know that

We have conversations about clutter of all different kinds. Sometimes it's identity clutter, emotional clutter, schedule clutter. Every Tuesday we have a new conversation right here. So make sure that you're joining us for those. And until we talk again, lead yourself well.