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Inner Pondering
Welcome to Inner Pondering, a sacred space for the soul on its journey home. This podcast is for the quiet seekers walking through the fire of personal transformation—those who feel the pull toward a spiritual awakening, to heal emotionally, and to remember who they truly are.
Each episode is a gentle yet honest conversation on navigating the "dark nights" of the soul, releasing what no longer serves, and returning to your inner truth. Through mindfulness, personal reflections, and soulful reminders, Nikki invites you to slow down, breathe, and reconnect with the wisdom already inside you.
This isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about the "unbecoming" of everything you’re not. It is a journey of spiritual growth and emotional healing, not by fixing your wounded parts, but by remembering the part of you that is already whole.
When you finally listen to the quiet voice within… that’s when the real inner awakening begins.
Episodes
112 episodes
I Spent Years Trying to Control My Life—Here’s What I Learned
For years, I believed that if I could just control everything—my emotions, my relationships, my spiritual practice—then I’d finally feel safe and at peace.But awakening didn’t feel like becoming more in control. It felt like everything I...
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17:07
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Why I Stopped Caring. (The Honest Truth)
In this episode, Nikki explores the paradoxical freedom of "spiritual indifference"—why stopping the endless chase for approval isn't cold; it's the beginning of real love.We explore:Why "caring" is often just a mask f...
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12:27
Why Needing Love Pushes It Away | Awakening to Relationships
Most people don’t realize this: the more you need love, the more it slips away. In this video, I share what my spiritual awakening taught me about relationships, why neediness repels love, and how the awakening process in relationships can reve...
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16:35
What You Consume, Consumes You -- A Reminder You Need
If you're constantly consuming spiritual content - videos, books, teachings - but still feel like something's missing, this is for you. I talk about the difference between consuming presence and actually resting in it.I spent years watc...
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19:12
Forgiveness Isn’t What You Think It Is: Why It Feels So Hard
If forgiveness feels impossibly hard for you, there’s a good reason — and it’s probably not because you’re “too sensitive” or “not spiritual enough.”In this video, I talk about why forgiveness feels so hard, and how a lot of what we’ve ...
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23:11
Why Most of Your Decisions Aren’t Really Yours
Are you really making your own choices… or just following the identity the world gave you? Most of the decisions we think are ours are actually influenced by conditioning, fear, and what we’ve been taught to believe.In this episode, we ...
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20:47
Why Your Energy Feels Heavy Before You Wake Up
Have you ever wondered why your energy feels heavy, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? Before awakening, most of us carry inherited patterns, beliefs, and generational trauma without even realizing it. This energy becomes part of our id...
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17:24
Why Love Felt Like Longing Until I Awakened
If you’re healing from a version of love that cost you your peace — this message is for you.Many of us learned to chase love outside of ourselves before we ever learned to recognize the love already within. We confused attachment with c...
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6:56
How to Release the Energy of Injustice from Your Body & Spirit
Are you carrying the invisible weight of injustice in your body and spirit? In this episode, How to Release the Energy of Injustice from Your Body & Spirit, I explore powerful insights and healing practices to help you let go of emotional b...
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18:17
You Can’t Heal Where the Pain Still Lives | Spiritual Awakening & Rebirth
In this reflection, we dive into why true transformation isn’t about fixing or improving yourself — it’s about remembering who you were before the pain. When the ego begins to dissolve and old identities fall away, what remains is something pur...
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16:46
Avoiding Toxic Energy Isn't Enough (You Can't Always Avoid It)
In this episode of Inner Pondering, we explore why simply avoiding toxic people isn’t enough — and how awareness, not distance, is what truly frees your energy. You’ll learn how healing changes your frequency, how subtle manipulati...
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17:11
Your Body Knows the Truth — Even When You Don’t
Have you ever felt something in your body you couldn’t explain? That heaviness out of nowhere. The sudden fatigue. The same tightness that shows up every time you’re around certain people.It’s easy to think it’s just stress, or ...
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21:40
You’re Manifesting from the Wrong Place — Here’s Why It Feels Empty
You’re manifesting. You’re visualizing. You’re doing everything they say... So why does it still feel empty inside?This is the part most people never talk about—manifestation without soul alignment feels hollow. When yo...
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11:35
The Most Dangerous Thing About the Spiritual Path
Many of us are sold the idea that spiritual healing comes from something outside of ourselves—rituals, symbols, or someone else’s method. But the most dangerous illusion on the spiritual path is believing you are not already whole.In thi...
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20:41
You Don’t Need to Protect Your Energy — Here’s Why
We’ve all heard the advice: protect your energy. Guard yourself. Block others. Stay shielded. But what if true energy protection isn’t about guarding at all?In this episode, I share a deep reflection on what it really means ...
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15:19
Signs You’re Outgrowing People on Your Spiritual Path | How to Let Go with Grace
You can feel it — something’s shifted. You’re changing, but the people around you no longer feel aligned. This episode dives deep into the subtle yet powerful signs that you’re outgrowing people on your spiritual path.We’ll explor...
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15:44
I Walked Away From My Old Life | The Pain and Power of Spiritual Awakening
Isn’t it strange how the things we never wanted become the very things we live by?I walked away—quietly and truthfully—from the life I built to fit everyone else.This is the exhaustion of spiritual awakening—when the weight...
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17:48
The Hidden Truth About People Pleasing | Why It Keeps You From Being Honest With Yourself
People pleasing might look like kindness on the surface — but beneath it is fear, self-abandonment, and emotional exhaustion. In this reflection, I share my spiritual awakening journey and what happens when you finally stop people pleasing....
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14:47
Awakening Through Chaos: War Is Just a Mirror, Peace Starts Within
In a world overwhelmed by war, division, and constant noise, many souls are being called inward. This episode is for those navigating a spiritual awakening during uncertain times, feeling anxious, disconnected, or emotionally drained. Yo...
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7:51
What Really Happens When You Start Healing Spiritually and Emotionally
In this episode of Inner Pondering, we explore the hidden side of healing—the part no one prepares you for. This is where the life you built to survive begins to unravel… and you slowly return to your true self.This i...
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10:06
Avoidance Feels Safe, But It’s a Cage | Emotional Numbing
“Avoidance isn’t laziness—it’s unspoken grief. And the longer we run, the further we drift from our true self.”In this episode of Inner Pondering, we explore the quiet ways emotional avoidance shapes our lives—how we scro...
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8:16
The REAL REASON you keep giving your heart to the wrong people
Experiencing **rejection** can be incredibly painful, especially when it feels like your efforts are unappreciated. This difficult experience can actually spark a powerful **spiritual awakening**, leading to deeper **self love** and **soul grow...
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9:11
Signs You're Awakening Spiritually
Have you felt disconnected, more emotional, or suddenly aware of patterns that no longer serve you? You might be in the middle of a spiritual awakening — and no, you're not going crazy.In this episode, we break down the real s...
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10:07