From Ice Breakers to Deal Breakers: A Dating Manual For All

Dating tips for 2025 continue with an essential guide to asking the right questions during dates, from icebreakers to deep conversations that reveal compatibility. This comprehensive approach helps daters of all ages navigate potential relationships with greater awareness and understanding.

• Questions about food preferences and dining habits can reveal important lifestyle compatibility issues
• Asking about unwinding habits provides insight into everyday compatibility in a relationship
• Understanding someone's interests, hobbies, and favorite entertainment helps determine alignment
• Discussion of career goals, financial habits, and family relationships reveals long-term values
• Knowledge of how someone handles disagreements and stress is crucial for relationship success
• Red flag indicators include anger issues, blame-shifting, controlling behavior, and emotional immaturity
• Setting boundaries early and teaching people how to treat you establishes relationship expectations
• Hypothetical questions can help navigate awkward silences while revealing someone's priorities

Be sure to follow me on ALL  platforms - YouTube, Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok under Elkevate Podcast or Elkevate Your Life Podcast. Share your dating experiences and questions with me so I can help you navigate this journey!

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Mindful Monday
• 1:34 Questions to Ask on Dates
• 6:12 Food, Interests, and Music Preferences
• 10:10 Deeper Relationship Questions
• 18:43 Dating Red Flags Checklist
• 23:01 Self-Love Tips and Episode Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Bow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up? Party people, welcome to another episode of Elkivate your Life. I am your hostess, with the mostess L as in the letter L, and key as in the key to your heart and key as in the key to your heart. Well, thank you all for joining me on this Mindful Monday. How's everybody's Monday been? Good, good.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Well, I got to thinking and I realized that when I did last week's Mindful Monday and Wisdom Wellness Wednesday and we dove into dating tips for 2025, it was such a hit that I want to keep it going. Keep it going. I want to share my wisdom, my knowledge, my questions and answers and all of the in-betweens with you to help you navigate into this crazy world of dating in 2025. And these tips and tricks not tricks, I use that in jest are good for ages 14 to 65, if you can believe that. I've done my research, I did my homework. I'm talking to people of all ages, so let's dive into it, shall we? So one of the things I realized that I didn't talk about when I was talking about dating tips and tricks and providing a checklist is what about a checklist? What about a list of questions that you ask when you go on these dates. Uh hello. I think that this is really important, guys and girls. I think that this is really important, guys and girls, to know what to ask. And actually one of the things that it brought to me is, well, as most of you know, I am a paraeducator by day, special education aid by day for middle schoolers, and so I have basically teenagers asking me what to ask on a date and talking about how they're nervous and they don't know what to ask, what to say, yada, yada. And then even all the way up to ages 60, 65, the question still like what kind of questions do I ask? And while it does vary depending on the age, I thought, hmm, wouldn't it be great if I provided some information to what sort of questions that you should ask? What should you have in your back pocket? Ask, what should you have in your back pocket? Hmm, I thought so. So I did a little homework, I asked around and here is what I came up with. Okay, so for ice-breaking questions, you could start with what's your favorite food or restaurant? What's your favorite food or restaurant? Ladies and gents? I have to say this brings up a great point, because I married a vegetarian and I have to tell you I am a meat and protein kind of girl, I mean protein and veggies kind of girl, like high protein, veggies, low carbs, and so for him he's almost the opposite. So I got to be honest. I wish I would have known or thought of asking this question Now, while we did go on several dates prior to, and I knew he was a vegetarian, I did not know that this man does not cook.

Speaker 1: 4:14

And sorry, not trying to throw you under the bus, honey, but he can cook the basics. He can pop stuff into a microwave or an oven or yes, but these things would have been helpful to know because, I have to tell you, cooking in the Kauffman-Pones household is no easy feat, because I have to do vegetarian for him and then something totally different for me. Like this man can have a whole plate of pasta and then something totally different for me. Like this man can have a whole plate of pasta and a salad and a dessert and not gain a pound, whereas me I have to watch what I consume, so I can't. Basically, when I make spaghetti, it's for him and I can't put meat in it, so I have to put plant-based. Yeah, it's really interesting. It is no easy feat, that's. I'll leave it at that.

Speaker 1: 5:13

So on to the second question what is your favorite way to unwind? I think this is a really good question because for me, I think this is a really good question because for me, I come home, I walk my co-host, chanel, and that's like a 15-minute thing, and then my favorite way to unwind is I will chillax, listen to some meditation, after I've done my walk. Sometimes I'll swing by the gym on the way back from the walk. And what if the other person's favorite way to unwind is totally different than yours? How will you come together on that? Number three if you could have a superpower, if you could have a superpower, what would it be? Hmm, so a lot of these ice breaking questions are, you know, kind of to make it fun and light and not like you're interrogating the person that you're on a date with, because if it's a first date, a second date or even a third date, nobody wants to be interrogated. But you know, we have to have questions that we ask and we want to throw some fun ones in there to make it light and not make it so awkward, right?

Speaker 1: 6:41

So, moving right along, what are your current interests and hobbies. Hmm, that's going to tell you if you are aligned with. I mean, what if they like to stay home and you like to go out? These are important things, people. Or what if they want they enjoy going to eat, watching movies or Netflix and chill kind of scenario, and you're like I like karaoke, dancing, going to a comedy club. You know things like that. It's important to know these things. It's important to know these things.

Speaker 1: 7:23

All right, so, moving right along, what type of music do you like? What's your favorite music? Because for me again, I will use myself as an example even current interests or hobbies, so little fun fact. In fact, the interest that Mr and I had that brought us together is we both enjoy dancing and going out to clubs. And it's funny because, fast forward two years later into the marriage, four and a half five years later into the relationship, four and a half five years later into the relationship, now we're getting to the point where, like, we're too tired to go out, or well, now that I have this new condition, I cannot drink, so therefore going out doesn't look the same. I can still go out and watch everybody else do it it. Just it looks different from where I'm standing and also I love karaoke. Does he love it? Not really. Does he come to support me? Yes, do I often say, well, I can just go by myself with my karaoke friends. No, no, no, I want to go and support you, but his heart really isn't in it. He will show up, he will observe, he will record me singing, but is it his favorite thing to do? Definitely not.

Speaker 1: 8:52

Moving right along to what is your favorite book, movie or show? I really like this one because, for example, my husband will read everything on the internet from social media, linkedin, sports stats, etc. But when I try to get him to delve deeper into the book that I am reading Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb, yeah, I gotta say I haven't heard a lot of feedback from that. So favorite book, hmm, uh, movie and show, anything that has chicago in it. And, yeah, because he's from chicago. So book, movie or show could really enlighten you as to what you know if you share the same likes or dislikes when it comes to this. Are they a reader? Do they like movies? Do they like to stay home and watch TV?

Speaker 1: 10:08

Next on the list, biggest accomplishments, this is a good one. I really like this one, because when you ask what are their biggest accomplishments, they get an opportunity to talk about themselves and share something their values, what they're proud of. So I think that that's a really great question. Then we go on to what are your long-term goals? What have you learned from past relationships? Hmm, okay, biggest accomplishments, values, something that you're proud of. Is it going to be, oh, becoming a dad, buying a house, refereeing this game, football game? I don't know. I don't know, but I think that's a great question. Long-term goals super important. What have you learned from your past relationships? Ladies and gents, this is an important one. Who are your biggest influences? Hmm, who are your biggest influences? Great question how do you handle disagreements? I wish I would have thought of these questions.

Speaker 1: 11:28

Believe me, what is your love language? Interestingly enough, I asked Mr this question and I sent it to him, and I don't know how, but our love languages aligned, and his is acts of service and mine is words of affirmation and physical touch. So how did this man align with me? How did he? Yeah? Did this man align with me? How did he, yeah? I would recommend, if you're going to ask the love languages, that you do it in person and you don't reveal each other's answers to each other.

Speaker 1: 12:15

Okay, moving right along, what is your definition of a good relationship? Hmm, hmm, yeah. And then what are your work and career goals? What are your ambitions? Are you a spender or a saver? Let's talk money. Family, children how many children? When do you spend time with them? How important is it? How important is family to you? How close are you with your family? For example, I like to think that I am close with my kiddos, brooklyn and Brandon, and I talk to them on the regular. Lately it's been more so Brooklyn rather than Brandon.

Speaker 1: 13:08

Um, and how do you talk to them? Do you text them? Do you call them? Do you? What's the communication like? And what about health, physical and mental health Like? What are you doing to maintain your physical and mental health? These are really good and really good questions.

Speaker 1: 13:39

I hope all of you are taking notes. And then, under one roof. Old habits die hard. So what does it look like when you're under one roof? Are you the kind of person that comes home and eats your dinner and sits in front of the TV and you don't communicate until? Okay, good night honey. Or are you talking about your day at the dinner table and, you know, are you asking each other about your day and do both of you get the opportunity to talk?

Speaker 1: 14:23

Hmm, so I gave you the icebreaker questions and I gave you the more difficult questions. So I would love to know what are your thoughts? Have any of you used these questions and what do you think of them? And I will end on the note of what do you think is your best quality? Hmm, it'll be interesting to hear the feedback on that one. And then, what is your worst quality? I wonder if people would actually be honest about that. Obviously, we'd like to think so. And then, moving right along to what is your idea of happiness? What is your idea of happiness? That could be so simple, but it could also be so elaborate, like there is such a wide range of how someone could answer that. And then, obviously, this doesn't apply to the 14, to whatever. But what does retirement look like to you?

Speaker 1: 15:57

A lot of great questions that I think will prove to be very helpful in the dating world. Going back to one of the questions about what's your favorite book, movie, show or podcast hey, do you prefer the outdoors or the indoors? Well, that's really helpful. What if they're an outdoorsman or outdoors woman and, like I said earlier, you are content with staying home, playing chess checkers, monopoly, video games, watching your favorite shows or movies and eating in chilling. There's a lot of really good questions out there. What about traveling? Do you like to travel?

Speaker 1: 17:12

And then I do have deep and meaningful questions which fall under the category that I just mentioned about what's your best quality? What's your worst quality? What does home mean to you? What's your favorite childhood memory? Who are your role models? What goal are you working towards right now? What's a skill or quality you would like to develop in yourself? What's the most difficult thing you've ever been through? How do you cope when you're upset or stressed out? Ooh, that's a good one. Obviously not a first, second or third date question, but you know good to know. What are you most grateful for now? What are you most grateful for? What's the best piece of advice you've ever received? What is your worst habit? And if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? And then we move on to questions for navigating awkward silences. Ooh, okay, now, this is good and a lot of us need this. If there's a lull in the conversation, you can ask your date? A hypothetical question to spark the conversation and re-engage them. What are some questions that can help you feel an awkward silence? I love this one and I already read it.

Speaker 1: 18:59

If you could have any superpower, what would you pick? I always struggle with this one because I'm like well, I would want to fly, I would want to be invisible, but then wouldn't you want to have super human strength or be really fast? Like, what would you pick? If you could travel anywhere in the world right now? Where would you go? Oh my gosh, this is where I'm not good at picking one particular thing, because there's so many places I want to go Greece, portugal, italy, greece, portugal, italy. Hmm, if you had three wishes, what would you ask for? If you could go back in time and witness a historical event, which one would you choose? Well, anyway, guys, you get the idea right.

Speaker 1: 19:57

I wanted to provide you with some tools, because I talked about red flags, things you need to know, the danger signs you need to be aware of, and I think I kind of mentioned the checklist, but I'll go back to it for those of you that may have missed it Conscious Dating, red Flags Checklist. I'm just going to recap on those. Just going to recap on those Danger signs Reacts to frustration with anger, rage or blame, blames others or circumstances for a life situation. Tries to control everything, including me. Immature, impulsive and or irresponsible, emotionally distant or void aloof, Still pining for a past relationship, active addiction, addictive behavior, rationalized as it's not a problem. Other common red flags doesn't keep their agreements, unwilling to self-examine or accept feedback or take responsibility. Changeable and inconsistent behavior. Inability to listen, overly quiet or withdrawn, emotional roller coaster. Reoccurring or regular emotional drama. What they say about themselves doesn't match reality.

Speaker 1: 22:20

A lot of good information for all of you that are out there looking for love in all the wrong places. Anyway, you get what I'm saying right. Hopefully all of you have taken note and keep this episode for your future dates so that you have this helpful information, and I hope that you will take heed to this information and be open to applying this. I think that it's super helpful. I'll be honest, I didn't have a lot of these questions on hand when I was in the dating pool and I mean, it's so easy to get sucked in when you have things in common with one another and you're just like, oh yeah, how important to your family. Oh yeah, I love my son, my daughter so, and so I have a great relationship with them.

Speaker 1: 23:18

Don't be afraid to ask the uncomfortable questions as time moves on and you're progressing in the dating I think you know. Obviously you have to have the basic questions in the beginning and then, as the relationship progresses, you move on. I do. I always have Dr Phil in the back of my head of you. Teach people how to treat you and I have to say it doesn't sit well with me now. Even now, when I think about the stuff that happens to me, I'm like, oh wow, I taught these people how to treat me. That really sucks and I wish I wouldn't have done that and I wish I would have set healthier boundaries and stood my ground more and been more vocal about my wants, dislikes, deal breakers, etc. So make sure that you are utilizing your lisp, standing by it. Don't be afraid to use it. It's important when you're out in the dating pool and I wish you all the best of luck.

Speaker 1: 24:38

Thank you so much for tuning in and for listening. Thank you to my loyal subscribers. Jeff Parra, namaste, lisa Roberts, curbelo. Much love to you, sis Kyle Few.

Speaker 1: 24:58

Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb. I continue to read your Audible, found on Amazon, and I encourage all of you to read this book. Not only does he talk about commitment to love love is a verb but it doesn't just talk about loving others. It talks about self-love and what love means and the commitment to it, and there's so many layers in this book.

Speaker 1: 25:31

I often go back to the basics of what is required to love yourself and love the people in your life, and there really is a commitment to it. It's not as simple as it seems. It's not as simple as it seems and, mike Kuffman, thank you for your loyal subscription to me. Guys, if you want to subscribe to me, all of the information is available. It's in my podcast. You can find me on YouTube, spotify, apple, amazon Music all of the podcast platforms and please be sure to like, share, follow. You can also find me on Instagram Elkivate Podcast. Facebook, tiktok Elkivate your Life Podcast. Facebook, tiktok Elcubate your Life podcast.

Speaker 1: 26:39

And I would love for all of you to take a moment to share. Share your dating experiences, share your nightmare, share your questions, share your concerns. Let me know your feedback. I am here for you, so I cannot help you if you don't share your dating experiences with me and there is a little tab you will find in all the platforms. It says text in your ideas. Also, shout out to Kara and Tom Kara lovemyartistetsycom and Tom Guzik minerspickstudiosetsycom. Both of them super talented in different ways. Kara's has music and clothing and poetry and wedding favors and Tom's is a more rustic approach. Both of them super talented. So look them up In the meantime. Thank you for listening, thank you for watching, thank you for tuning in. I hope you will continue to like, follow, subscribe, share and that's going to do it for me. Thank you for tuning in and ciao for now.