The Frequency of Joy: How Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality

Have you ever wondered how some people maintain their calm when everything around them seems chaotic? In this heartfelt conversation with mindfulness practitioner Jeff Parra, we dive deep into practical strategies for staying grounded when life gets overwhelming.

Jeff shares his powerful approach to negative thoughts and situations, explaining how our perception shapes our reality. "Thoughts dictate everything," he notes, revealing how he transforms challenging moments into opportunities for growth by asking "What is the lesson here?" rather than dwelling in negativity. This simple yet profound shift—acknowledging that everything happens for our highest good—creates space for positive outcomes even in difficult circumstances.

We explore the fascinating connection between energy frequencies and human relationships. Jeff explains how operating at a positive frequency naturally attracts similar energies while repelling those that don't serve us. The conversation takes unexpected turns through spirituality, with both of us reflecting on how various religious traditions ultimately translate the same core messages about love and connection.

The discussion shifts to modern dating culture, where Jeff offers refreshing counterpoints to app-driven relationships. Instead of treating dates as interviews with rigid checklists, he advocates for shared activities that reveal character naturally. "Don't worry about what someone has or does," he advises, "just see if you can enjoy each other's company." This wisdom extends beyond romantic connections to all relationships—focusing on authentic experiences rather than surface-level qualifications.

Perhaps most movingly, Jeff shares his philosophy on love: "Give your love away like you're made of it, because you are." This beautiful reminder that love given freely eventually returns—often multiplied—serves as the perfect capstone to our conversation about mindfulness, connection, and living fully in the present moment.

Ready to transform how you respond to life's challenges? Listen now and discover practical techniques to Elkevate your mindset and relationships.

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Transcript

Episode Introduction with Jeff

Speaker 1 0:00

Wow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up? Party people, thank you for tuning in to another episode of Elkivate your Life. I am your hostess, with the mostess L as in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart, and I am so thrilled to have my friend here, jeff Pata, who I'm always talking about in my podcast. Special guest Jeff, say hello to everyone.

Speaker 2 0:32

Hello party people.

Speaker 1 0:33

How are you doing?

Speaker 2 0:34

today. Glad to be here.

Speaker 1 0:37

Yes, finally we made it happen. It only took a year.

Speaker 2 0:41

Yeah for sure. Hey, better late than never, right? That's right, for sure, for sure. Yeah for sure, hey, better late than never, right? That's right, for sure, for sure.

Managing Stress Through Mindfulness

Speaker 1 0:44

So a couple things I wanted to ask you about, since it is Wisdom Wellness Wednesday. I was thinking about this a lot, especially because of what I have going on in my life right now with work. It's super I don't like to use negative connotation but it's stressful, I'm not going to lie. We're like understaffed, overworked, you know, sure. And so I was thinking about you, because I'm always talking about how you have all these great techniques about how to stay grounded and, you know, not get stuck in the funk, and so I kind of wanted to pick your brain about what you do to not let yourself get upset or anxious. What do you do to manage those things? What are?

Speaker 2 1:37

some of your strategies. Yeah, you know what I genuinely do is try to you know what I genuinely do is try to you know. This is kind of mindful, so it might go with Mindful Monday more than Wellness Wednesday.

Speaker 1 1:51

Yeah, that's okay.

Speaker 2 1:52

But I try to really be mindful of my thoughts, you know, because thoughts are, you know, the prelude to actions, right, yes.

Speaker 2 2:04

And so everything starts with a thought. Right, and it kind of sounds a little corny, but you know, thoughts dictate everything, right? And so when I start thinking negative things, I think, now, how is this going to serve me, you know, are these negative thoughts going to really serve me? And so when I can, when I can make that transition to where I'm, oh, I have negative thoughts, that gives me the opportunity to switch it right. Okay, so how do I switch these negative thoughts into something positive? Because I believe that even negative things can bring us positive outcomes.

Speaker 2 2:42

Yes, I agree, depending on how we look at life. Yes, you know, everything is about perception.

Speaker 1 2:47

Right right.

Speaker 2 2:50

And so when I'm having negative things come into my life, what I try to do is think, you know, there's a reason why I'm going into these negative things, and so, like what I do is, I believe that everything happens for my best good and I honestly feel that way. So even when things are happening negative, I know that those negative things are really going to come out for my most positive good, which is hard. It's so hard to do though, well, I want to chime in.

Speaker 1 3:26

I don't want to interrupt your thought because what I am reprogramming my brain, because I tell people, don't put that out to the universe, right, Because what you put out you're going to get back.

Speaker 2 3:36

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 3:37

And so what I say to myself now, when these negative things happen, I go what is the lesson here? Yeah, it's kind of what you're saying.

Speaker 2 3:45

Absolutely there's absolutely a lesson in everything, whether it's positive or negative.

Speaker 1 3:50

Right.

Speaker 2 3:51

And so when you can recognize that you're thinking negative thoughts or having negative feelings, it's a good chance to go. Okay, I'm just going to accept that whatever this negative thing is happening to me, it's happening for my own good. Whether you're getting stuck in traffic, you know you need to be somewhere, like I was today. I was trying to get here, I was a little late. That's a great example. And then so so I'm thinking, oh, I'm a little frustrated because I wanted to be on time. I love to be on time, you know, because I know people's time is precious and you know. So I want to respect that. But there was something that was holding me back for some reason, holding me back in life today to get here a few minutes late, Right, Right, and so and that happens with everything, whether it's something you don't get, something you want in life at the moment you want it At the moment you want it.

Speaker 2 4:42

there's a reason why and if I, not you, but if I think of life that way, it tends to work in my best good, and so I really try to think even the good things that happen for me, whether it's good or bad, it's always in the long run happening for my best good.

Speaker 1 5:04

Okay.

Speaker 2 5:05

Right.

Speaker 1 5:05

So you just shift your mindset to a different way of thinking, absolutely.

Speaker 2 5:11

Absolutely, Because we have a choice in life to think negative or positive. You think either one or the other right.

Speaker 1 5:18

Right.

Speaker 2 5:18

And so we really have that choice, you know, and so I choose to try and think positive. Now, do I always think positive? Of course not. I'm human, I run into things that frustrate me, and yeah but when I can recognize that I'm in that negative state, that gives me the more I learn how to do it. Okay, you know what I mean, and so it gets easier, as I the more. I do it, the easier it gets to to to, to stay into the positive vibes of life you know.

Speaker 1 5:56

So interesting that you're sharing that with me, because the stuff that's happening at work it's because of one bad apple. Sorry to say sorry, not sorry guys, but uh, sorry, not sorry. Yeah. And so whenever this person approaches me and is like that's not our job, I'm not doing that, I'm like I rebuke your negativity, I literally tell her that.

Speaker 1 6:18

I'm like she goes that's not our job, you shouldn't do that. I go, don't tell me how to do my job. I know how to do my job. That's your way of thinking and that's unfortunate that you feel that way. But I rebuke it. I don't receive that negative energy and I will not engage. I will literally walk away. And so what I've been saying to people at work or in these situations is and this is something I got from my friend Brett is you can look at the cup half full or half empty, or I'm just grateful to have a cup, and that's what I tell her. I'm like I'm grateful to have a cup, I'm happy to have a job that I love I.

Speaker 1 7:01

You know what I mean. So all that stuff you're trying to put on me and put out there, I don't want it.

Speaker 2 7:06

I don't want any of it. Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. That's a good way, that's a good way to look at it, and it's also just a cup with water, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 7:14

There's a. It depends on whatever you look at.

Speaker 2 7:16

You can look at it as a cup half empty, a cup that's almost empty, a cup that's waiting to get filled, right, I mean, it's all about our own perspective in life.

Speaker 1 7:24

Yes, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 7:25

Yes, and so the I mean that's how I, that's how I try to keep my mental wellness.

Speaker 1 7:32

Yeah, that's how you manage it. That's good, that's a great strategy.

Speaker 2 7:35

It's something, that it's a work in progress, of course, you know, and I haven't been doing it my whole life, but lately I have and it's kind of working out, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 7:44

So did you get this philosophy from like reading about Buddha, or how did you?

Speaker 2 7:50

All of them to be honest, I take a little bit Personally. I don't subscribe to any religion whatsoever. I'm spiritual you know, believe that. I believe in God. Now, everybody has their own interpretation of what God is, and I respect all of them. Whatever works for them is fine. You know anything that's higher than here? There's a higher self.

Speaker 1 8:19

Right.

Everything Happens for Your Best Good

Speaker 2 8:20

But so I, like I said, I don't subscribe to any particular religion, but I respect all of them, same, do the best I can for me and treat people with respect and honor, and um, try not to judge anybody for anything, because they're.

Speaker 1 8:55

They're for me to be judged as well.

Speaker 2 8:56

Right, right, um, and, and it tends to work for me. You know what I mean. It tends to. It tends to, like I said, it tends to work for me. So that's that's I subscribe to. You know, religion and God and things like that. It's acceptance, basically.

Speaker 1 9:11

Yeah, I think that's good. One of the things I talk about in the pod a lot is so I was raised Christian right. But even being raised Christian, as I came into adulthood I went to like every church out there because. I'm like that's what was impressed upon me from my mom and my babysitter and all that and.

Speaker 1 9:31

I want to make sure it resonates with me. And this is why I tell people, even though I committed to Christianity, like I love a lot of the philosophies. I go to a I'm trying to think of what it's called. It's like land of Buddha, it's in like San Jose area You've probably been to it and I love a lot of their beliefs and I read a lot of that stuff. And then I tell people well, I also believe in astrology, numerology Like why do I have to put myself in a box where I commit to one thing when there's all this information.

Speaker 1 10:04

You can take what works for you. Yeah, exactly yeah, and that's what I do as well, like I?

Speaker 2 10:08

take for a little bit from whatever. Whatever resonates with me, I take that from, and then the rest I don't worry about you know, I was raised Catholic. Okay, right and um. As I got older it didn't like really resonate with me completely.

Speaker 1 10:25

Right.

Speaker 2 10:25

But there are certain things that did resonate and stuck with me, you know. But also you know, Hinduism and Buddhism, Right. So I think that I really think that personally, I think that all the religions are just another translation of all the same message. To be honest, yes, I agree. They're all kind of trying to say the same message and so all the different religions just is a different way of translating it to different people so that they can understand it.

Speaker 1 10:59

Right, right, that makes sense, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2 11:05

Yeah, so that's what I subscribe to basically.

Speaker 1 11:08

Well, I have to say, you and my friend Kyle think very much alike, and Kyle is one of the guys I talk about. One of my subscribers is like family to me, and I catch myself now, more so because of you and Kyle and the amount of time we've known each other and the things we talk about. Even my friend Anthony is like don't just subscribe to that way of thinking, like that's stinking thinking, you know, and I'm like okay, but this is really like how do I switch it? And so it's helpful.

Speaker 1 11:45

Yeah, it's helpful for me to talk to you and talk to you, Because when I need that reminder you or somebody comes to my mind.

Speaker 2 11:52

I'm like, oh, that's what you need, thank you.

Speaker 1 11:54

Literally. You guys could probably hear my meditation music in the background.

Speaker 2 11:57

I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, but it takes practice Like anything else right. Absolutely, you have to keep doing it, for it to become a habit? Yes, it takes 30 days to become a habit or something. No, yeah, yeah, for sure. You have to practice it and it doesn't. And then the more you practice it, the kind of easier it just comes to you. You know right right, um, because really thinking, just even thinking positive, like trying like when, like we were talking earlier about like negative things happen, you think okay, where's the lesson here?

Speaker 1 12:26

Right.

Speaker 2 12:26

That takes so much work to just switch from getting into your negative thoughts and feelings to going okay. Well, what is this trying to teach me? But it just takes practice to go okay, recognize it and then now try and flip it. And so it doesn't automatically happen because we were taught differently from people that probably didn't know any better.

Speaker 1 12:49

Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 12:50

You know yeah.

Speaker 1 12:51

I mean really, I mean like my parents.

Speaker 2 12:54

I want to believe that they did the best that they absolutely could do with what they knew Right, and then. So, as we learn other things and new techniques, then we try to do better Right and teach our kids better. Yeah, and so you know, and so on, and so on. That's good, I really love that.

Speaker 1 13:13

Well, I tell you, whenever I'm really struggling and I'm emotional or whatever I still think of you I'm like I need to take off my shoes and go stand in the earth and get grounded. Yeah. So those little things do stick with me and I do feel better Whether it doesn't matter, if it's day, night, whatever it is. I'm like, oh, I need to go and ground myself.

Speaker 2 13:35

So those little techniques. I am being better about. So proud of you, Thank you. Yeah, no, that's excellent, you know, it happens instantaneous too. You know like when I was growing up they used to call people like that tree huggers, right, Tree huggers. So, to me, tree huggers were like hippies.

Speaker 1 13:52

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:53

The sixties and stuff like. Well, I mean, I was born in the sixties, I was a, I was a child in the sixties and grew up in the seventies. However, I consider myself a hippie. You know, I'm a hippie right. And so when people talk about tree huggers, like for me. I don't I love tree huggers, you know, because I know that I don't have to go hug it, all I have to do is just touch the tree, touch the tree and the energy that it grounds you, because the tree is grounded, rooted in the earth, and you don't.

Speaker 2 14:24

You can put your bare feet on the ground, on the dirt or the grass, or you can just touch a tree or hug a tree, and it sounds really corny, but what it does is like we are energy, our bodies are energy. So when you touch a tree or you ground yourself to earth, you're taking the pot, you're feeding the earth positive energy, which it needs and the earth is feeding you.

Speaker 2 14:49

It's negative, negative grounding which you need yeah, and so it, you're both doing each. When you touch a tree and hug a tree, you're not just getting something, you're giving right you're giving your, your energy to that tree wow, that's. Wow, that's so powerful.

Speaker 1 15:05

I never really thought about it.

Speaker 2 15:06

It's a give and take thing, it's just positive and negative being transferred right.

Speaker 1 15:10

Yeah.

Speaker 2 15:12

And so negative energy needs positive energy to balance, right To balance, yeah, and positive energy needs negative energy to balance Right. So the more you do that you should I never thought about the whole you're not just taking. You're not just taking, you're giving. I mean it makes perfect sense when you break it down, it makes perfect sense yeah, well, and back then it was given a negative connotation and now, even now, it's still. It's kind of like you know, oh you're, I don't know, you're're no walk tree hugger.

Speaker 1 15:43

Whatever it is, I know I struggle with that because I grew up same generation as you. And we were the ones that had, you know, the VW van and would pick up hitchhikers that were hippies. I hitchhiked all over the place Right and it's like you did, your family did what, and my brother and I were kids at the time we're like we're picking up this stranger, but now, looking back on it, it's like we were just living in a different time.

Speaker 2 16:06

It was different time, innocent yeah.

Speaker 1 16:08

And people were good people. It was not. I mean yeah.

Speaker 2 16:13

They're still good people, yeah, but we just have. We have a lot of fear.

Speaker 1 16:18

Yeah, a lot of people are living in fear.

Speaker 2 16:21

When we're younger, we're, you know, footloose and fancy. Right, right, and so, and, and uh not that I'm saying you can live that way this these days, and you know it's a safe way to live, but you can't live in fear.

Speaker 1 16:35

That's true.

Speaker 2 16:36

You know, you really have to try to live in love and acceptance, and and um, um, I mean, of course, not being not be reckless.

Speaker 1 16:44

Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 16:45

Yeah, right, right, but we have to get back to living in love and acceptance rather than fear and hate. Right.

Speaker 1 16:54

Yeah, I have a little and it's really tough.

Speaker 2 16:57

Yeah, it's tough to do, especially when we have littles and grandkids and grandkids now and stuff, and we're like our parents were Right, don't talk to strangers.

Speaker 1 17:08

Make sure you don't do this Stranger danger.

Speaker 2 17:10

I get all that stuff yeah.

Spiritual Perspectives and Religion

Speaker 1 17:12

Well, it's just like you said. It's about balance. Yeah, so fun fact about me. I have a friend who totally knew about numerology, astrology, like knew when Michael Jackson? She was like oh, I knew he was going to die on this stage, like crazy, like she. I wish I knew as much as she did in that respect. But one of the things she told me is and this is another reason why we get along so well and can talk about these things is I was like you know, am I ever going to get married? And she goes your purpose here is to bring joy to people's lives. She goes that's why you are who you are. That's why, like, when I go out to clubs or restaurants or whatever, and people are on their phones and on their computers, I'm like what are you doing? Excuse me, do you see that there's people here and while we have to use devices for certain things, I just feel like there's such a disconnect in the world with that to where it's just become the babysitter.

Speaker 1 18:18

The like people aren't talking to people anymore or engaging and it's a lost art form.

Speaker 2 18:25

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 18:25

And so I'm that girl that's going to call you out. Like you can do that shit at home. You know you want to go text on your phone, literally. I've called people out in the club Like, what are you doing? They're like, oh, texting my friends. I'm like, do you see where you are? There's music and dancing and people talking. You can do that shit at home. Put that away and engage with people, because this is a lost art form and it's been proven when people go to their college interviews, they don't know how to interact with people because they've gotten so attached to having this, yes that they've lost the art of connection right so my point to what you are just piggybacking on it is loving people, accepting and just connecting.

Speaker 1 19:12

And I'm that girl that whenever I go out and I see people that are by themselves, I'm like what are you doing by yourself? Come sit with us, Just like how you are when we went out that time Like don't sit over there. Come sit over here.

Speaker 2 19:24

Right, right. You know what I call that living in the now yes, yes right, so like when you're living in fear.

Speaker 2 19:31

What you taught me we talked about right when you're right here, when you're living in fear you're, you're living in the future, fear of what's going to happen. Yes, yes, it's what's going to happen, right, right, you know. And then when you're, when you're like depressed or whatever, you're living in the past because you're depressed about something that may have happened in the past or whatever. But the only pure joy that we really have is living in the right now. You and I are communicating, having a nice conversation with your friends here Right right. And so we are in the present moment, right now.

Speaker 2 20:07

Yes and so we are in the present moment right now, and when you see people in the club and they're on their phones, they're not even living the present moment right now. And that's what you're getting at. Is that we really need to get back to just being present. Being present right now, because that's really all we have. Yesterday's gone, so it doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 20:30

It only exists in our memory right, right right and the future, of what our fear for fear, or whatever our hopes for the future is what we is still in our thoughts and memory. It doesn't exist. The only thing that exists is right now, you and me, right here.

Speaker 2 20:46

For us, this is what exists right and for our friends who are going to listen to this later they'll begin the now listening to it, right now as they're listening to it. And that takes practice too, as far as being mindful. But once you do it, once you think, oh, I need to be in the present. Now you've already brought yourself to the present. And then the more you practice doing that it's bringing be in the present. Now you've already brought yourself to the present, yes. And then the more you practice doing, that is bringing yourself into the present, whatever it is, and enjoying that. Or, even if you can't enjoy it, honor it, for whatever it is the lesson it's given you.

Speaker 1 21:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2 21:21

You're still in the present.

Speaker 1 21:22

Right.

Speaker 2 21:23

And the more I feel like, the more that I keep myself in the present, just the better off for me it is, you know.

Speaker 1 21:32

Yeah, so you found something that works for you yes. That helps you Absolutely and, like I said, that's what I was asking Strategies we all need strategies. My friends tease me because whenever I'm on the phone with them they hear the meditation music in the background and I'm like that's what helps me.

Speaker 2 21:50

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 21:51

I just it's just become part of me. So people that know me know, when you call me or whatever, you're going to hear meditation in the background and that's what helps. That's one of my grounding things that just keeps me, keeps me calm, keeps me self-aware.

Speaker 2 22:07

Yeah. And oh my gosh, it's whatever works for anybody right, right, right yeah. Because I'm kind of the same thing I've lately gotten into. I mean I always say it sounds kind of corny because it kind of does, but like healing frequencies. Yeah, Right oh yeah, so I'm really kind of. Delving into that now yeah, into kind of some newer kind of technology stuff. Yeah, I love that For me it's newer, but it's really ancient technology that has been like kind of shelved Right, because the stuff I'm learning is not new.

Speaker 1 22:48

Right.

Speaker 2 22:48

It's been around for millions of years. I believe the earth has been millions years older than we've been taught that it is.

Speaker 1 23:20

And so there's a lot of lost knowledge that we can relearn, I agree.

Speaker 2 23:23

Okay, I agree.

Speaker 1 23:25

Yes, since you brought that up, I want to talk about this for a second. So when I went through my health journey, I didn't really know too much about being on vibration right. I didn't know, I wasn't that aware, but then I was talking to somebody, lovesick angel.

Speaker 2 23:46

Okay, don.

Living in the Present Moment

Speaker 1 23:53

Yeah, yeah, somebody lovesick angel. Okay, done, yeah, yeah. And I was going. All of a sudden, these people are just gravitating to me like strangers are coming up from me. You know like, hey, what are you doing? And she goes because you're on a different frequency now yes because your mindset is different, and so one of the things I talk about is I didn't know I was going through a physical transformation, but also mental, spiritual.

Speaker 2 24:15

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 24:15

Like all different levels right, absolutely. And that when she told me that I go yeah, you're right, that makes perfect sense.

Speaker 2 24:23

When you're on a different frequency. I believe the same thing. When I'm on a certain frequency, frequency, I'm emitting that frequency and it's just like a radio or television, like that. There's thousands of frequencies right now that are surrounding us right now right but if we only turn to 104.1, we're going to get the hawk, or if we go, to 1077.

Speaker 2 24:44

We're going to get? Yes, because we're tuning into that frequency, but there's thousands of them that are right there. So wherever you turn into, people that are on the same frequency are going to gravitate towards you and so if you're on positive frequencies, like I don't know what number the positive thing is. But like you'll notice, like I notice, I walked like babies stare at me all the time Babies like I'll walk by and babies will just like you know, what I mean, like, and I go, I know I'm a strange looking old man or whatever, you know what I mean, but but I get it a lot.

Speaker 2 25:22

You know what I mean. And so, like I'm really good with babies, animals and old people.

Speaker 1 25:29

That's so interesting. That same thing happens to me literally wherever I go. Yeah, because they're tuning in.

Speaker 2 25:34

They feel the frequency and they feel the energy. And so like you notice, like the old, you know grummudgeon, grumpy old people, they're not Nobody's tuning in to that. You know what I mean. They're not going up to those people and going, hey, what's your name?

Speaker 1 25:52

Right or whatever yeah.

Speaker 2 25:55

Because they're on a different frequency. They're not even tuned into that, and so it's so, and that's the thing about staying positive. If you stay positive, it will emit positive and and and attract positive right and the more, the more positive attracts, the more you're going to admit.

Speaker 2 26:15

And then you know, because, like you know, attracts like right yeah and that's what I love about you is you're like, you're very positive. You've always been very positive and very and I, like, I recognize that, you know, and so that's what I've always liked about you is you've always had a positive attitude and you're look, you're always looking to better yourself, you know, and looking to learn about things and be, you know, open, to open, to open to people and to different you know different things, and so that's what I think, you know, has originally attracted me to you is your creativeness and your positivity. Thank you, you know, and I think it's the same. Yes, absolutely Same.

Speaker 1 27:00

And every time I talk about our first interaction and how our friends didn't want to sit with us, and you're like no F, that, get over here, I'm grabbing with us. And you're like no F, that get over here, I'm grabbing you some chairs. I'm like, yes, that's what I did, cause I couldn't physically do that. That's where you are. But yeah, I'm all about bringing people together and and I do try to be as positive as possible, because there is too much negative in the world where it's like, yeah, we could go down that rabbit hole but, much negative in the world, where it's like, yeah, we could go down that rabbit hole, but why and I do the same- thing I go is this serving me, Like, how is this?

Speaker 1 27:33

And even when friends come to me for advice about stuff I go, well, how is that relationship serving you? That's what comes to mind. So it does definitely take practice and I'm not the expert that you and Anthony and Kyle are, but it is. Not an expert, but I've just practiced it, but you've just been practicing it longer.

Speaker 2 27:52

Yeah, and that's the thing it's like. This is the one thing that I've learned is, no matter how, no matter how hard you try or want someone to see the light that you admit you can't Like, oh, you can only bring a horse to water right and like there's nothing you can do to make them right admit the light. Everybody has a light. Yeah, everybody has a light, right, some people have bug lights, like some people have our shining light, and then some other people just have bug lights. Man.

Speaker 2 28:32

And just like and there's nothing you can do to make that bug light a shining beacon. Right yeah, give up on anybody, but we have to. We have to release our wanting to wanting to save them, or make or or or somehow change their shine, you know we have to accept it and then just be. Just be and hope that they see the change in me or in us and they go. Man, I want to shine like that Right.

Speaker 2 29:15

Not you need to shine like this, you need to do it. No, you just be. You know, I just try to be the best that I can and be the best friend that I can and the best lover I can. That I can and be the best friend that I can and the best lover I can. And then hopefully they want to chime into it and want to, you know, want to meet me there and if not, then I'll send you a postcard.

Speaker 1 29:40

Right, right.

Speaker 2 29:41

If you can't? If you can't come with me, I'll send you a postcard, but I ain't hanging back and waiting for you.

Speaker 1 29:47

I love your little, your little analogies and antidotes.

Speaker 2 29:51

They're so cool yeah.

Speaker 1 29:53

Well, it's interesting that you say that and I have so much to talk about and I want to make sure we stay on our time thing Well you can have me back, we can do this again.

Speaker 2 30:03

Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 30:04

I just want to make sure we touch on Monday's topic a little bit.

Speaker 2 30:24

Nothing. Yes, I just want to make sure we touch on Monday's topic a little bit. Nothing serious, but to your point. So when I was talking to you about how people were, just gravitating to me.

Speaker 1 30:25

in that same time frame, the people that weren't supposed to be in my life were exiting my life. It wasn't even like, hey, I don't want to be your friend anymore. That's a good thing. Yes, and that's when I recognized it is about frequency and energy, because I go oh, that person was, that relationship or friendship wasn't serving me well.

Speaker 2 30:37

And that's why Sometimes I want to go. Man, I want it really. I really was looking forward to that one connecting, but it doesn't always Right, it doesn't always connect.

Speaker 1 30:47

Right, yes, I am getting better at the acceptance part. I guess because I am of the growth mindset that when I meet people that are of the fixed mindset I'm like, why don't you want to learn and grow? But I have to, like you said, I have to just accept like, hey, I got to be me, absolutely got to be me.

Speaker 2 31:08

But you know what, hey, I, I gotta be me, absolutely. But you know what, really like, um, give yourself a break on that, because you're not like with me. I'm the same way and like sometimes I go, god, how can you not see, how can you not see what I'm telling you, or how?

Speaker 1 31:24

can you not?

Speaker 2 31:25

feel what I'm feeling. How can you not, how can you not get it Right? I'm not saying, I'm not saying that or feeling that, because I feel like I'm some somehow superior in a way, what it is is. I care about this person and I and it works for me. And I'm like, if it works for me, of all people, it's gotta work for you too, you know, and so so. So you're not really trying to like force your opinions on someone because you think that you're any better or they're any less.

Speaker 2 31:55

No, definitely not what it is is you really care about that person and you're like man. I just want you to just breathe and relax and enjoy Right. I want you to feel what I feel so true.

Speaker 1 32:08

You know, I want you to feel what I feel so true.

Speaker 2 32:10

You know what I mean and sometimes it comes across I know for me because I have friends that you know, don't know why you think you're always right or whatever you know, and I but I do think I'm always right, but anyway, but this is what my dad used to tell me he goes look, I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong. Oh, this is what my dad used to tell me.

Speaker 1 32:28

He goes look, I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong, oh, okay. Hey activism fall far from the tree there.

Speaker 2 32:33

No, so I was like that makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Like whatever Dad. But as I got older I realized what he was saying. It's like I may not always be right, because you can't always be right. But, if I come from a good place, I can never be wrong.

Speaker 1 32:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2 32:50

Right. So I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong. So, like I, I know that now.

Speaker 1 32:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2 32:56

But someone who isn't thinking in that mindset.

Speaker 1 32:58

Yes.

Speaker 2 33:00

They're going to think, oh, you're just trying to think you'd be all up, whatever.

Speaker 1 33:03

You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 33:04

They're not on the frequency and you can't get them to your frequency yet. So you have to, you have to let them.

Speaker 1 33:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2 33:13

You can't take everybody with you right away. Right, but you have to keep moving forward in your journey.

Speaker 1 33:19

I am getting better at that. I am getting better at that, so thank you for shedding some light? Yeah, I do. I mean, like anything, practice makes perfect. So, we got to keep practicing, yeah, right, because just for the better, because what you do and what you're doing.

Speaker 2 33:37

What you're doing is a good thing thank you, you know what I mean I get, I get, I get something from it and I'm sure all your listeners get something from it and, um, not everybody's going to get everything. Right and you're not going to get it.

Speaker 1 33:53

We don't get everything either. No, I totally accept the whole. Not everybody's going to like you, not everybody's going to love you no, but just keep being you man, and literally what I say it's coming from a good place.

Speaker 2 34:03

Yes, it's coming from a good place. Yes, absolutely so. Just keep doing that for sure. Thank you.

Vibrations and Human Connection

Speaker 1 34:09

Well, one of the things I want to touch on with you is so Monday I did a podcast with my 24-year-old daughter. So Gen Z oh boy, I know, I know and our mutual friend Sarah, who is a millennial, and so I wanted to get the man's perspective, because we were talking about some websites. One of them was called T. It's where women, only women can subscribe to it, and it's basically to see the men that are out there like are these good guys or bad guys, kind of thing.

Speaker 1 34:49

And I feel like I don't want you guys to think it was. It wasn't a men bashing thing, cause my daughter's been in a relationship for three years. She's like I'm happily in this relationship. I just heard about this website and we ended up finding some of our friends on there that got a lot of red flags. And so we were just trying to educate people who were like what's the website you know about? You know, they're telling me all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1 35:10

I'm like I haven't been on websites since Girl Zeus, which was back in the day on Facebook I'm like so I don't even know all the dating sites, so we were talking about that and we were talking about. These are the tools that women use to feel safe in today's society with men, because it's all about like body count or just dating just to date, like people don't want to settle down. Body count or just dating just to date, like people don't want to settle down. So I want to find out do you have any thoughts or opinions on dating in the now?

Speaker 2 35:41

I got so many thoughts and opinions on it.

Speaker 1 35:43

We're going to have to do a whole nother podcast. Yeah, I was going to say okay, but in a nutshell I can kind of In a nutshell yes, give me the cliff notes.

Speaker 2 35:50

Yeah, I can give you, I can give you the bullet points, okay, so, um, as far as dating sites are are concerned, I I get, I get that whole um the idea of it. However, I think that it's overwhelming for most people like because there's so many different. It opens you up to so many different people and opportunities that you kind of feel like you can't really concentrate on one or two because you're going to miss all the other ones that are out there. So I think that people nowadays they go to these dating sites and they they think, oh, I'm looking for that one, because everybody's looking for somebody to like yeah, you know everybody's looking for that connection right, right, right, and so so I feel like it almost.

Speaker 2 36:44

Uh, people don't really give the dating a chance to even germinate because there's just so many out there and within the first 15 or 20 minutes, of the date they're like oh no, I got five or six more waiting in line over there.

Speaker 2 37:03

Yeah, so as far as the dating um app thing, that's kind of I I'm not really into that. You know what I mean. I never have been on a date from one of those ever. Yeah, mine was short, I'm not really into that. You know what I mean? I never have been on a date from one of those ever.

Speaker 1 37:15

Yeah, mine was short. I'm not knocking it, listen, I'm not knocking it.

Speaker 2 37:18

I'm sure it happens for people. Just my opinion is it's just, you know, there's just too many out there.

Speaker 1 37:25

Too many options.

Speaker 2 37:26

Too many options. And then it's not that there's too many options, but then in the back of your head it gives you too many options. But then in the back of your head it gives you too many. You think in the first 15, 20, 30 minutes or even the first day you go, oh, if that's not, you know fireworks.

Speaker 2 37:39

And then there's, there's you know, there's all these other out here, right yeah as far as dating, actual dates are concerned, I'm like real, I'm real stickler on this one. I like to go on it like uh, adventure dates. Like worst thing I could do for me is go on a dinner date or drinks or dinner where we're sitting across each other, for you know, for a couple hours interviewing each other for a life partner or something like oh, yeah, right like, let's just get to know each other.

Speaker 2 38:17

Let's just first see if I don't need to know what you did for a living, I don't need to know how many kids you got I don't need to know how much times you've been married.

Speaker 2 38:24

I don't need to know how much money you make, I don't need to know what you own, what you got, what you. Let's just go see if we can have some fun, like let's go see if we can just enjoy an evening, like go bowling or go to a concert or go like I want to. I want to go on dates where you're doing something. Just go see if we can just enjoy each other's company. Yeah, before we like what do I care how many kids you got before I even know if we can even go and enjoy a night together. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 38:53

Yeah, I think that people use dates as like an interview for a life partner, and that's just way too soon. You know what I mean. Go on some dates and just go to the museum or go to the beach. Don't worry about what someone has, what they do, how much they make, because it doesn't really matter right now. And go like don't worry about what someone has, what they do, how much they make I have a kid Like, because it doesn't really matter right now. You're just seeing if you can like enjoy each other's company and have fun together. Yes, right, yes, yeah. So that's how I feel about dating Mike and I think people take it too seriously, way too quick.

Speaker 1 39:29

You know, and it kind of ruins it. I agree Because you might Well there's so many expectations there when you do it like that right. Yeah, it's like here's my list and hopefully you check all the boxes. But you don't want to do that on the first date, before you even know, gosh, no.

Speaker 2 39:45

Because you might think that you don't want to date somebody that might have a kid or two kids or that doesn't make as much money as you think, that someone you want someone to make or whatever it is right you're like, and then you you miss out on what kind of person that is, and maybe that person might just love you or treat you the best you've ever been treated in your life and then and then you might come to find out that other shit doesn't really freaking matter to me really.

Speaker 2 40:15

What really matters is the connection that we have. Right, yeah, you know, yeah. So that's my thought on dating in a nutshell.

Speaker 1 40:24

I think that's a perfect summary of what a lot of the men even for myself, I feel like.

Speaker 2 40:35

My age anyway, you know old, ancient.

Speaker 1 40:37

I know my ancient age we're old.

Speaker 2 40:40

So, like I'm sure youngsters, you're like that old guy don't know what the hell he's talking about.

Speaker 1 40:45

So in the last episode we were talking about a list, a guy to meet this guy's wife. He had a list and I do think like deal breakers, like I think that's a good thing to have have deal breakers not necessarily on the first date, right and like oh you do drugs and you're doing all this. I don't want that. I'm coming up with an extreme.

Speaker 2 41:07

Yeah, no, no, of course. There's always extremes Right, Of course.

Speaker 1 41:10

Right, but I will say to your point. No, I'm kidding, I'm totally kidding um, but I will say to your point well, even when, mr, and well even before I met you and went out with you, I said anybody that asks me out, I'm going to say yes to. Because what if that yes leads to other yeses?

Speaker 2 41:33

That's my point.

Speaker 1 41:34

And that was my mentality.

Speaker 2 41:35

That's my point. You can't yeah.

Speaker 1 41:37

And so, even though we were.

Speaker 2 41:38

We went out one time.

Speaker 1 41:39

I know, even though we weren't a match or a love connection. No, yeah, I had the best time with you.

Speaker 2 41:43

We did, we had the best time. I met some really good of your friends. We had a great time we and we never went out again but it was fine.

Speaker 1 41:51

I know and I tell my friends like what if this person ends up being your best friend or their best friend? Has some like Right?

Speaker 2 41:59

And we became lifelong friends, yes, yes, right, so, yeah. So the thing is is like Missed opportunities. Yeah, you can't, you know, be so stringent. Just like be open. Yes, just be open. That's my advice to people. When you're dating, be open and just go have some fun, don't? Worry about how much money someone makes, or this or that or whatever. Just go see if you can enjoy each other's company, first and foremost because that's what you're going to do the most anyway, right.

Speaker 1 42:31

That's a great example because, as you're talking about it, I'm thinking of the fun things that I've done on dates, and that's where you learn how does this person handle conflict. Like we're going to go rafting and they're like oh no, I'm not putting on the best.

Speaker 2 42:46

Or, oh, I'm not going to paddle, You're like, okay, and you know, it's okay to learn about what people are willing to do and not to do, but but you at least know, okay, they don't like that.

Speaker 1 42:58

What do they like? Right, you know and is that?

Speaker 2 43:00

is that thing really that important to me?

Speaker 1 43:03

You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 43:04

And so like that's. That's the whole thing is like just just kind of, you know, getting to know each other first before worried about all the other. Like the interview thing, like the dinner and drinks where you're just sitting across from each other. I'm like that's the last thing I want to do.

Speaker 1 43:24

I'm trying to remember. I'm like did we do dinner? No, we didn't. We had drinks and met in.

Speaker 2 43:30

France and we went to a couple different places and listened to music, which I love live music. We just went to a few different places and went more live music. It was very casual and so lovely evening, it was great, and there was nothing. There was no red flags or anything. We went out once and that was it. That's just the way it was.

Speaker 1 43:49

You know what?

Speaker 2 43:49

I mean and it was fine, it was totally fine, and we it was you know.

Speaker 1 43:54

I mean, and it was fine it's totally fine, you know, and we end up becoming, I know, I know, I have to say, during that phase of my life, you and my friend ron and the people that I dated I'm still very good friends with to this day and I wouldn't trade that for anything. So just if I were, if I had the list of oh, he's not, you know, six foot four foot four or whatever I'm just throwing stuff out there, right, right, right If.

Speaker 1 44:15

I had that and that's what I'm trying to tell my single friends, which?

Speaker 2 44:18

is why I want to talk to you about this, yeah.

Speaker 1 44:19

Because they're like, well, he has to have ABC. I'm like what if you're missing out on an opportunity because of that surface level thing. Yeah, You're you're limiting yourself, you're totally limiting yourself.

Speaker 2 44:32

And then that's what I feel about dating apps too you limit yourself when you finally maybe make an attraction, because we all swipe left or right or whatever that is right, you go oh, they're cute or they're attractive, and then you meet them and then, if you make adjustment, even within the first date, I mean I would say at least one, two, at least two, Never, never, just one. Yeah, Like at least two, and see if they might have been having a bad day, or you never know what people are going through, you know and stuff and so. But I think in the back of their head they're thinking gosh, I got 10 other ones that want to date me too. Like it's got to.

Speaker 2 45:14

Like, they think they got to see all these sparks and all these fireworks and shit and it's like that's bullshit. You know, yeah, it's bullshit.

Speaker 1 45:23

Yeah. I didn't even think about that until you literally shared it. There's all these other options and all that instant gratification. Yeah, it's in the back of your head going well you better be hey, you better wow me because I got. Oh, you dare to come dressed like that.

Speaker 2 45:41

I got some people back here that just can't wait to date me, right? So, like you're, you know the guys or the girl, right, because the guys are the same way too. You know, you're behind the eight ball already, you know.

Speaker 1 45:54

Yeah, you know you're behind the eight ball already, you know. Yeah, yeah, that's a great perspective. That, yeah, you just gave the dating sites a whole new meaning of just things we haven't talked about.

Speaker 2 46:06

That are there I never got, I never, I got. A weird perspective.

Speaker 1 46:10

No, it's very different. I think it's different. Different, no, I don't think so. I think it's different, and I do think that for me. I just think meeting in person is just so much more authentic not to say I mean hats off to the people. Hats off to the people that it worked for. That's great, happy for you. Um, it just it didn't work out for me that my people didn't show up, yeah, or the one that did. I was in one relationship from one app for like a long time years.

Speaker 2 46:39

But other than that, I mean, I do think it's a great tool, but, like anything, people can abuse it.

Speaker 1 46:46

Right, and let's use it. And yeah, it's interesting that we have so many similar views. Okay, well, I'm looking at the time and seeing we're probably going to be interrupted.

Speaker 2 47:02

I'm going to get the hook here in a minute. We're about two minutes away from getting the hook.

Speaker 1 47:06

Well, I got to make sure I tell everybody thank you. I got to make sure I say thank you to my subscribers, my sponsors.

Speaker 2 47:13

Don't forget to thank me I always do that. You do. I appreciate that Now that you're here.

Speaker 1 47:19

I'll show you. Every time I talk about you, I go and Jeff namaste.

Speaker 1 47:24

I make sure that I do that, because he is the guy that helps keep me grounded. But I want to make sure I say thank you to all my subscribers. Cara lovemyartistetsy check out her site. I'm always talking about how creative she is. She has a ton of stuff music, art, paintings, clothing, just an array of stuff. And Kyle Few I always call him Professor Kyle or Guru Kyle Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb, love. That book. It was on Audible and I have to tell you, I want to get his book.

Speaker 2 48:03

Yeah, I would love to get his book.

Speaker 1 48:04

It's so good. I looked for it on Audible last night because one of the reasons I wanted to ask you about the dating thing is one of my friends, roger. Thank you for subscribing. He's like I'm just giving up on love, like these women don't know a good man, and I'm like, no, don't, please don't utter those words to me.

Speaker 2 48:20

Like don't give up on love, just realize that it's not your time right now, or they're not, they're not the people for you and it's okay to keep meeting people maybe he needs to love himself a little more, and I literally, literally, said that. I literally said that.

Speaker 1 48:37

But I just think, sometimes, when we're in that headspace of wanting to meet somebody, it's like I go back to this comedian where she goes. My friends were telling me I look too lonely. And she goes what am I, the lonely puppy dog? And I go yeah, maybe you're emitting that energy or that frequency?

Speaker 2 48:53

yes, you have.

Speaker 1 48:54

You don't realize that you're emitting it exactly, absolutely, absolutely so you just have to go out and be like I'm the shit, like everybody.

Speaker 2 49:03

Everybody wants me I have to say, you know, I have a saying real quick that no matter like like your friend that says oh then, oh, there's no real love out there, blah, blah, blah. I don't mean blah, blah, blah, that's a real feeling and I can honor that.

Speaker 2 49:20

But give your love away. And give your love away even though, in a way, you feel it's not going to come back to you. Just keep giving it away like you're made of it. Oh okay, like you're made of it. Oh okay, like you're made of it because you are, because you really are. So just keep giving your love away, okay, and eventually what goes out comes back.

Speaker 2 49:45

Now, maybe not in your timeline, maybe not in the time you want or you think, but just keep giving it away, because eventually it's going to boomerang and come back to you, and it will come back in tenfold what you get. So give your love away like you're made of it, because we are made of it. We're made of it.

Speaker 1 50:05

Yes, yes, I hope you're listening and watching Roger. I know you are because he subscribes to me and he listens.

Speaker 2 50:11

He's like I'm I want to get his book. I want to get his book.

Speaker 1 50:15

I want to get your book Commitment to Love.

Speaker 2 50:17

Love is a.

Speaker 1 50:17

Verb he talks about.

Speaker 2 50:18

Is it on Audible?

Speaker 1 50:19

It is on Audible I couldn't find it on. Amazon last night, but I know it's there.

Speaker 2 50:23

I have Audible though, so I'll get it. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 50:27

All right, I'm going to get your book. Is he talks about you love. It sounds so simple. You're talking about corny right, it sounds so simple, but people make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Speaker 2 50:42

It's simple, but it's not easy to do. Yes, but it's simple.

Speaker 1 50:46

Yes, so he literally talks about. Love is a choice. Every day it is a choice, and you have to make it a choice, just like you have to nourish your body. That's what you have to do to love, to love yourself, to love others, and when I'm like this is so simple and basic.

Speaker 2 51:04

It really is, but it's not easy, right, we make it difficult, we make it hard, for sure, yeah.

Giving Love Away and Final Thoughts

Speaker 1 51:10

So shout out to Kyle I want to make sure Dr Ryan Swen, I got to come see you for another HBOT therapy. He made such a difference. He is a chiropractor for Pinnacle Wellness Center and he has a very different, alternative approach where he doesn't just adjust, you know, the bones, he talks about the muscles and how the nerves communicate with each other, just breaks it down to all these different levels that I never even thought of and I just I love his approach. So Pinnacle Wellness Center use the hashtag ElkyVate. He always has special. He's located in Pleasanton, on West Las Positas and Hop Yard. Oh gosh, I'm trying to go by memory. I think it's 5994 West Las Positas, suite 207. Yeah, that sounds right. Pinnacle Wellness Center.

Speaker 2 52:05

But you can Google it Exactly.

Speaker 1 52:07

Exactly, exactly. I just try to have those things memorized. But also his link is in my podcast so you can find his link. I want to make sure I'm not leaving anybody out. Lisa Roberts Curbelo can't wait to see you. Sorry you're working so much. Thank you for being a loyal subscriber. Mike Kaufman loyal subscriber Not always loyal listener, but he gets around to it, yeah.

Speaker 2 52:30

I know Come on.

Speaker 1 52:31

I know Everybody's like I've been too busy.

Speaker 2 52:33

He listens to you all day long, all right, exactly, exactly. Hang in there, buddy.

Speaker 1 52:42

I just want to make sure I'm not forgetting anybody. I think, yeah, I think I covered everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 52:50

Thank you, I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Thank you, I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Thank you, and you can listen. You can invite me anytime.

Speaker 1 52:55

Yes, yes, well there's going to be a part two, because everybody's going to be texting in your questions.

Speaker 2 53:00

Right, everybody's going to be texting in their questions, comments, concerns.

Speaker 1 53:04

Remember to like share comment. It helps the algorithm. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 53:11

Thanks for having me. It's been a pleasure, it was so fun.

Speaker 1 53:15

Yeah, we went over time, but you know, shit happens.

Speaker 2 53:18

Peace. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 53:19

Ciao for now.

Speaker 2 53:21

All right.