Venting Vs Fixing In Real Life Marriage

We share a real-life mix of chronic pain, stress, and the everyday moments that test how we communicate at home. We connect a tiny grocery-store disagreement and a bigger need to vent to the core idea that feeling understood often matters more than being “right.” 
• managing oral lichen planus flare-ups and how stress makes symptoms worse 
• finding perspective while still naming the daily reality of chronic pain 
• celebrating family birthdays and noticing small bright spots 
• reacting to the Oscars and what we enjoyed about the winners 
• revisiting Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and the “cave” dynamic 
• venting vs fixing and how quick solutions can miss the emotional need 
• using a clear script to ask for listening and validation 
• why St Patrick’s Day is celebrated and how green became the symbol 
Remember, like, follow, subscribe, comment, feel free to share. 

Transcript

Welcome And Quick Life Update

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Bow Chica Wow Wow. What's a party people? Welcome to another episode of LQ Your Life. I am your hostess with the most S. L is in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart. Thank you for tuning in on this mindful Monday, March 16th. So let's get into it. I'll be honest. Um, it may not be a lengthy podcast. Uh, you know, it's almost Saint Patrick's Day tomorrow, and Saturday. The hubby and I went out to try and celebrate St. Patrick's Day to see our friends band. Uh there a likeness to Stone Temple Pilots, and they were amazing. Shout out to Dave, Dory, Rhonda, Roger, um, all the all our friends that we saw there, Melanie. Um, but because of it, because I indulged in just one, barely one, alcoholic beverage, uh, my mouth is no bueno. My oral lichen planus is flared. Uh, between that and the stress of the strike, and stress is like the worst thing for my condition. And yes, to all of you out there who say, well, what about uh homeopathic remedies? What about eating better? What about coffee enemas and all of the remedies that you've brought to me? Let me just tell you, I am doing all of those things. And I thought that my mouth was healed until months later. I I was doing fine throughout the month of December, January, and then this month, some major stressors hit. And so yeah, it set me back. And so now here I am again, not able to talk well without you'll hear me drinking, sipping on my water, and basically without being in chronic pain, story of my life. Um, but it is what it is. I have perspective, I know it can be worse. Trust me, I have all kinds of friends who have cancer and other ailments. But nonetheless, I do want you to know living in chronic pain is just that. Living in chronic pain. Can't eat the things I want, can't drink the things I want. And sometimes it's painful to talk. But whatever, here I am. Um, so yeah, various things to share. A shout out to my Pisces' birthdays. Um lots of Pisces birthdays. Lots of my friends are celebrating their the birthdays this month, and I'm very excited to share that my son and daughter are coming to visit uh so that we can spend my son's 32nd birthday together. Um he lives away from me, as does my daughter, but we are making it a point to have a family reunion to celebrate his birthday. So I'm looking forward to that. So I need to heal before that happens. Anyway, wondering, did anybody watch the Oscars last night? Do any of you follow any of that stuff? Are you movie watchers or goers? I have to say, I'm very impressed with all who won. Um deserved. I had seen the movie Sinners Weapons. Um, some of them I hadn't seen, but there were several that I did that were impressive, and I was happy for them, pleasantly surprised. So one of the things I want to talk about is or ask you have any of you read, listened to uh know of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray. It was written in 1992. And bear with me, in addition to everything else, today was like the worst allergy day for several. And I don't even really have bad allergies, but today it was a big hit. So bear with me with the sniffling. Anyway, uh back to Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, written in 1992. So what is it, you ask, if you haven't read it or listened to the Audible or whatever. It's a relationship guide proposing that men and women have fundamentally different communication styles, emotional needs, and behaviors, as if from different planets. And basically, the takeaway, the key concepts include men going into their caves under stress, and then women needing validation over solutions and improving relationships by understanding rather than trying to change these inherent differences. And why am I talking about this today, you ask? Well, uh, my husband and I often have difference of opinion, thoughts, behaviors. Um, and for a number of reasons. We're still new, not newlyweds. I wouldn't say we're newlyweds. I mean, got married a couple years ago, but um yeah, there's definitely some communication challenges, and he's neurodivergent, so he does think differently and see things differently. So um we're learning. Anyway, what I want you to know, going back to when men are from Mars and women are from Venus, is that John Gray talks about different worlds, how men, Mars, are portrayed as focused on competence, logic, efficiency, while women who are from the planet Venus, they value feelings and communication and relationships. And for example, when it comes to stress management, men tend to withdraw or go into a cave, as they like to put it, like their man cave, to solve problems alone. Whereas women, we prefer to talk through our feelings to feel supported. That's why sometimes we'll need to call and vent to our girlfriends or our counselor or whatever. And my husband will be like, Well, why do you got to do that? You know, why can't you just like keep it to yourself? And I'm like, hello, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Like, that's what we do. We talk and vent our feelings and get it out, and then we feel better. We're not expecting you to offer a solution to our problems. We might just need you to listen or want you to listen. So this can propose or you know, cause some communication gaps. Men often take words literally and offer solutions because the men are the fixers, right? While women use emotional language and seek empathy, leading to misunderstandings. I'll get to my example in a moment. The point system. So the book suggests that women feel loved by many small acts. Let's say, for example, each is worth a point. While men often believe in doing one large thing to earn points, which again could lead to conflict over perceived effort. And then if we go to the primary needs, primary needs are men need trust, acceptance, appreciation, and women need caring, understanding, and validation. So the critiques and the context, while popular for improving communication, the book has been criticized for reinforcing rigid gender stereotypes and at times promoting outdated sexist or impractical relationship dynamics. These are just some users or people, especially in this day and age, right? And these are quotes from like Reddit, for example. But the core advice is to just accept the differences rather than trying to make the opposite gender think or act the same way. Because it will promote proactive, respectful communication to avoid common pitfalls. Amen to that. Okay, so why did I decide to talk about this?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Um, I'm not even sure if this is a good example now that I'm thinking about it.

Grape Nuts And The Need To Vent

Why We Wear Green On March 17

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Um you men out there might say, yeah, no, it's not a good example. So now I'm rethinking the example and almost trying to come up with another one. Hmm. Let me think about this. Well, the example I was going to tell you is that um I'm sure in your family dynamic or couple dynamic, different people have different chores, right? Depending on their strengths and weaknesses. And for an example, ours is um I prepare the meals, cook the meals, whatever, and hubby will do the shopping. And on the grocery list, I put grape nuts. He brought home grape nuts flakes. And I'm like, okay, not really sure why I brought grape nuts flakes when I asked for grape nuts. And his response was, you said to get a healthy cereal for you and the kids, right? And I got you your grape nuts. And I'm like, yeah, no, you got grape nuts flakes. So it became like a conversation. I asked for grape nuts for the texture and to make us feel full, longer. And needless to say, it became like a side disagreement. Grape nuts, grape nuts, flakes, isn't it the same? No, it's not. And all of you listeners out there might be laughing and going, not a good example. This is so petty, whatever. It's not like we were, you know, putting on the boxing gloves and throwing blows. It was nothing like that. It simply brought this book to mind, um, because in addition to this, recently there was a situation that occurred that I just needed to vent. I was like, oh, this and that happened in my day. And it was like, oh, well, you just need to not talk to that person, not be friends with that person, don't do this and don't do that. And okay, I'm going to bed. Good night. And I was like, okay, good talk. Thanks. When really I wasn't looking for a resolution, I simply wanted to share my thoughts and express, and I told him, I said, I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm frustrated. And he asked, What about? And then I told him, and then he offered all these solutions. And I was like, No, I don't need a solution. I just need a divent. So this is what I love about doing my podcast and where it becomes cathartic, is sometimes when I'm talking talking to all of you and saying these things out loud, I'm realizing, oh, maybe next time, future reference, I'll just go, hey, mister, I just need to vent. I don't need you to solve the problem. I don't need solutions. I just need to vent. And you could just, you know, usually we just want like a, I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry that frustrated you. I'm sorry that happened. Hug, kiss, good night. Could be that simple. So I'm realizing now as I'm telling all of you this, that that could be the solution. Now, as far as the grocery store list, I already know what you men are thinking. Hey, he took the initiative. You said grape nuts, you talked about healthy cereal. I actually gave him examples. I was like, grape nuts, or how about honey nut Cheerios? And he brought home strawberry cheerios for himself, which the kids and I would not eat, and grape nuts flakes for us, which, yeah, not the same as grape nuts. Anyway. Uh, so I know what you men are thinking: like, what's the big deal? Just be specific, or what's the difference? The difference is the preference. The difference is in the preference. And the examples I like to give him are it's like you telling me to make a vegetarian meal, and I go, oh, well, we were all out of um plant-based ground beef. So I just used ground beef. What's the difference? No big deal. But it is, right? Because he's vegetarian. So on that note, those little scenarios made me think of men are from Mars and women are from Venus. So that's why I brought it up today. Anyway, if you are a first-time listener, sorry if this was a little different for Mindful Monday or not what you expected, not what you anticipated, not what you hoped for. These were just things that were on my mind. St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow. Remember to wear your green unless you want to get pinched. Hey, do any of you know why that is? Do any of you know why you're supposed to wear green on St. Patrick's Day?

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Like, what's the reason behind it? Let me end on that note.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

The real history behind the March holiday, St. Patrick's Day. We're using an excuse to sell we use it as an excuse to celebrate all weekend. Ain't that the truth? It means it's officially to break out, it's officially time to break out the green cocktails and don your best St. Patrick's Day sweater. But first, let me tell you why. Why we wear green. Who was St. Patrick when he was born? And the reason we care, the patron saint of Ireland in the United States, what exactly do leprechauns have to do with it all? Well where did all the Saint Patrick's Day traditions like parades and all the things Shamrock come from? According to Historic UK, Saint Patrick's Day has been commemorated on March 17th since Saint Patrick's death. In the fifth century, as early as 9th or 10th century, Christians were observing it was a religious feast day. The holiday was officially added to the church calendar in the early 17th century, as for the first Saint Patrick's Day parade, though not the most celebrated occasion that we know today. It took place in 1601, St. Augustine, Florida. And because St. Patrick's Day falls during Lent, it became a day for Christians to take a break from the abstinence practice during the weeks leading up to Easter. In the 1700s, the holiday had started to take a decidedly more festive turn than its founders had intended. In America, St. Patrick's Day slowly shifted from a religious observation to a secular celebration of Irish heritage thanks to Irish immigrants. And while the Irish American population increased dramatically during the 19th century, in part due to Ireland's potato blight of 1845, St. Patrick's Day traditions in the US stretch back a century earlier.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

I'm trying to get to the part about wearing green. The American city still offers some of the biggest celebrations, dedicated the man who allegorically drove the snakes out of Ireland. The holidays Irish American roots explain why some traditional St. Patrick's Day foods like corned beef and cabbage are not actually Irish. The Irish prefer pork. It's only since the Irish rebellion of 1798 that the shade has become associated with the holiday. Blue, which adorned the ancient Irish flag, was first identified with St. Patrick's Day, but the rebels wore green to differentiate themselves from the British, who clothed themselves in red. And the color has since come to denote Ireland and the Irish to all the world. Shamrocks, the national plant of Ireland, also add to the Sea of Green on March 17th. Though legend holds that Saint Patrick used three leafed shamrocks to explain the Holy Trinity, there's no historical evidence to prove it. However, the shamrock has been used as a symbol symbol of the Emerald Isle since the late seventeenth, early eighteenth century.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

And who celebrates Saint Patrick's Day? Well basically Irish Americans. Um leprechauns are not real.

Thanks Shoutouts And Subscribe

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Didn't really give me all the answers I was looking for. I wanted to know why you would get pinched. And I feel like there was something that I read long ago about you got pinched if you weren't wearing green because the leprechaun would pinch you or something like that. Anyway, I won't bore you with any more March 17th, St. Patty's Day stuff. But anyway, on that note, remember to wear your green. If you don't want to get pinched, it's usually the day that I like to pass out candies and stuff to my kiddos. And because I am German, Swedish, Irish, etc., I like to honor that tradition that I grew up knowing. Hmm, not a fan of corned beef, though. I'll pass on that. Wouldn't mind cabbage. Uh, and that's green and healthy for you. All right, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for listening. Sorry if this episode was a mosh posh mishmash of a lot of different topics. I guess I just had a lot in my mind that I needed to get out. Hey, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I'm an emotional creature, okay? So I have a right to be all over the map. Forgive me. On that note, if you liked this podcast, if you enjoyed listening to all the fun facts or appreciated the information, I appreciate if you give it a thumbs up and a like. That lets me know that you liked the content, you appreciated, you listened to it. If you have any feedback you would like to share, I always appreciate people's insight, feedback, commentary, questions. Hey, maybe you have some knowledge you want to throw in there about men are from Mars, women are from Venus, or you know, the holiday that I spoke about. Or you want to talk to me about the Oscar Awards. What did I miss? What did I forget to cover? What did you like about it? Do you watch it? Thank you to all my loyal subscribers, creative cara, love my artist.edzy.com, also love my artist linktree.com, I think it's called. You can find her link in my podcast description. Shout out to Jeff Para, Jeff Para, Namaste, Mike Kaufman, Lisa Roberts Corbello, Roger Havens. And gosh, I hope I'm not forgetting anyone. I feel like I I always leave somebody out, and then I remember later, and I'm like, shoot. Oh, duh. Kyle Phew, commitment to love. Love is verb. Um, anyway, thank you all for tuning in. Thank you all for listening. Remember, like, follow, subscribe, comment, feel free to share. And until next time, ciao for now.