Reclaiming Desire in Midlife: Healing Generational Trauma with Meg Calvin l EP 34

In this powerful episode of The Midlife Awakening Podcast, I’m joined by author and guide Meg Calvin to explore what it really means to reconnect with yourself after years of conditioning, people-pleasing, and living from obligation.

We dive into her novel There, He Holds Her, a deeply moving story that explores generational trauma, mother-daughter dynamics, and the tension between control and desire. Through storytelling, Meg shares how fiction can become a powerful tool for healing—helping women see themselves more clearly and begin to rewrite their own narratives. If you’ve ever felt stuck between who you were told to be and who you truly are, this conversation will speak directly to you.

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Because Barnes & Noble pre-orders are U.S.-only, this works on an honor system. You’ll receive all your bonuses right now, today, as a gesture of good faith, and simply commit to completing your book purchase on June 9th when your Amazon link arrives. No money changes hands today, just your word that you’ll grab your copy when the time comes.

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Transcript

The Midlife Awakening (00:00)
Hey guys, welcome back to the Midlife Awakening podcast with Odelia. I am your host, Odelia. Today's conversation is one I think so many women will deeply resonate with, especially if you've ever found yourself living a life that looked right on the outside, but didn't quite feel like yours on the inside. And I mean, how many of us can relate to that?

Today I'm joined by Meggie Lee Kelvin. She's an Amazon bestselling author and steward of healing spaces for women. After 20 years in ministry, focused on emotional health and spiritual formation, Meg became a full-time writing and marketing coach, guiding authors through the deep spiritual work of writing, marketing, and selling the Amazon bestselling books across Audible, Kindle, and paperback. Books, whether her own or those of her clients, have become her preferred healing modality.

a way to midwife transformative stories into the world.

Now she's expanding her work to include transformational fiction as a healing space for women while continuing to serve writers through her book coaching.

She guides women through spiritual integration, embodied wisdom and sovereign self-trust, melding the ministerial with the metaphysical. Her forthcoming novel, There He Holds Her, and the online communities for women that accompany the novel, explore generational trauma, spirituality, beyond institutional control, and the divine feminine. Meg lives in Kansas with her family and leaves our desires of divine breadcrumbs leading us home.

In this episode, we dive into her novel, There He Holds Her, and the powerful themes it explores, like generational trauma, mother-daughter dynamics, people pleasing, and the journey from duty to desire.

We talk about what it really means to reconnect with your body, how to begin trusting yourself again, and why the things you long for might actually be guiding you somewhere important. This is a conversation about unlearning, remembering, and allowing yourself to want more. Let's dive in.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (01:55)
Welcome to the Midlife Awakening podcast. I'm your host, Odilia. This is a podcast about transformation for women who are waking up to who they really are while navigating everything that comes with midlife. And I want you to know I'm on this journey right alongside you.

This is the show where we explore everything from the spiritual tools that can help us in our daily practices to healing modalities that we can use to heal what we've been carrying for so long to the everyday midlife topics that a midlife woman faces like perimenopause, finances, career changes, and so much more. Each week we go deeper into what it means to heal, to awaken, and to finally become the most authentic version of yourself. I'm so glad that you found your way here.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (02:44)
Hi Meg, welcome to the Midlife Awakening podcast. I'm so glad that you could be here today. It's wonderful to have you here sharing your story and your work.

So, yeah. So to start off, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Meg (02:51)
⁓ thank you so much.

I'm a midlife woman. So in ⁓ turning 40 this June. So I'm so excited to be here and be advocating and encouraging all of us at this stage in our life. And I am one of those who believes books are a healing modality. And I'm a writing coach, a marketing coach. I have been for six years, so I help

Spiritually attuned go-getters write market and sell their Amazon bestsellers on audible paperback and Kindle and then along with that my third book is a novel and it is coming out it's out now for pre-order and that novel is all about ⁓ helping women reconnect with their bodies reclaim their intuition and lead from wholeness instead of leading from obligation

and I'm a wife and a mom and a friend and a daughter and a master air guitar player.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (03:54)
I love that. So you've written your novel called There He Holds Her, which is a powerful story about spirituality, breaking generational trauma and the divine feminine. So my question is, is it completely fictional or have you drawn on some elements from your own life?

Meg (04:15)
Definitely drawn on some own elements of my own life. I think the best works of fiction have. I think about the shack that William Paul Young wrote in that ⁓ he himself did not have a child who was horribly abducted and killed, but he did experience extreme child abuse in his own experience here on earth. And so the emotional and spiritual arc that he took, that is the spiritual emotional arc that the protagonist takes in the shack.

And that would be the same for me in my book, that these characters are fictional, the towns are fictional, and at the same time, the scene where the protagonist, Hedystone, finally reconnects with her biological father after 33 years, that chapter, that scene is completely based on fact and reality of my own experience. And the dialogue is unchanged from what my biological father and I shared when we first reconnected.

So yes, the answer is yes and no.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (05:16)
And what made you decide to write the book? What was the inspiration behind that?

Meg (05:21)
I remember three years ago.

What came to me was empathizing with so many high achieving women that push and grind and have read all the self-help books and are done with them. They've read all the team dynamic books and all the personality assessment books and what all the life hack books and whatnot. And I had this thought of what if, if, what if self-care could happen through fiction?

what if romance could be the Trojan horse for transformation? And I had reconnected with my biological father a year before I started writing this book. And so it was such a healing cathartic experience for me. And what came over me was what I always say to authors I work with is sometimes what heals us and makes us whole isn't meant to be hoarded. And so I felt I need to share this to empower other women as well too.

to trust their own desires as safe.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (06:23)
Yeah, because I was going to ask what is it, because I mean, you could have just written a self-help book. There's so many of them, know, so many people go down that path. you know, and with the fiction, you do work with a lot of women. How have they responded to using the fictional book as a source of healing?

Meg (06:42)
yes, yes, it's been so wonderful to have two pilot groups going now of the women's community that accompanies the novel called The Treasure Within. I have a daytime group and a nighttime group to meet everybody's needs. And it's been so life-giving to them based on what they've shared, how they relate to these different characters. Some relate so much with the mother Vivian, some with the grandmother Josephine, they call her Jo.

and some with a daughter, Hetty. And so it's been very empowering to have them relate to these characters and look at them as case studies or look at them as the book is a landscape and we're just holding the flashlight. It's much easier to talk about these characters and what they're going through it when we first gather than our own selves. And as we know, stories break through our defenses so much easier as...

as we are naturally empathizing with them. So it's been wonderful to see the women I'm discovering more confidence with setting boundaries, whether professionally or personally, to see them reclaiming their hobbies and finding play and pleasure again in their lives, just as the characters do in the book. so that's been wonderful to be a part of. that was exactly my goal for the book.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (08:12)
Do you want to us a brief introduction to the characters?

Meg (08:19)
Yes, definitely. as you shared, there are three generations covered. So we start with the grandmother Josephine Chelsea. She is the hostess with the mostess in in Texas. And she's very liberal, theologically, politically, she's very woke, if you will, I can use that term. She's very woke. And

like the dark side of most Southern bells, she can be manipulative and very controlling, operates out of this access of control most of the time. And I don't want to give anything else away about her, but she is the mother of ⁓ Aunt Moira and Vivian Chelsea. And Vivian is the mother that we talk about in this story, daughter, mother, grandmother. And Vivian,

She's a mathematical savant. She's a valedictorian, graduating in 1979. She's hopelessly, wonderfully in love with her childhood best friend, Miguel. And she's kind of, she's socially awkward with most people.

and her arc is she is going to move from perfectionism to presence and then her daughter Reverend Hedy Stone is a pastor in her mid to late 30s and her arc is going to be moving from duty to desire, from people pleasing to passion.

And book starts, she is going to be the first bishop, first female bishop in her denomination. So it's a big, big, big deal when we meet her what she is, what she is striving for. She's a asexual workaholic pushing about 90 hours a week and doesn't, she's like a brain on a stick. She has repressed all, all feelings and desire and is just operating from a place of ⁓ this

intellectual fortress she's built around herself. And then she has a guide and a friend that is also another female pastor in another denomination. And her name is Reverend Barbara. And she and Barbara, it's made clear early on that they've been best friends for almost two decades. And Barbara is unlike Hetty, who is daily operating out of the divine masculine. Barbara is very integrated in her way of being professionally and personally.

She knows when to let the divine feminine lead and when to let the divine masculine lead. And ⁓ the last character I'll mention, there's so many complex, wonderful characters, but the last one I'll mention is Aunt Moira, who is the grandma's other daughter. And Aunt Moira is the whistleblower in the family. So I'm hoping that as readers read this, they see members of their own family in these characters. And Aunt Moira,

is the antithesis of keeping up with appearances. She has no desire to impress or appease anyone at all. And she, throughout the book, throughout these four decades that the book covers, we see Aunt Moira being the brave family member to blow the whistle or lift up the rug and say, we need to look at this as a family. ⁓ so yes, those are the main women. Of course, there's wonderful men too, but we'll just focus on the women.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (11:36)
Yeah,

yeah, it was a great read. I really enjoyed it. ⁓ Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it was really, really good. And I could see and I'm sure a lot of the woman that you have shared the book with could resonate with at least one of the characters. And for myself, definitely I could resonate with Vivian and my mother being Joe. So a lot of that dynamic, I was like, ⁓ yeah, that's that's familiar.

Meg (11:42)
Nice, awesome, thank you.

Mmm.

May I ask, was there any scene that stuck out to you as highly relatable?

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (12:13)
⁓ the, when she is pushing Vivian to go for the internship in the bank and that's like, you know, she's, she's very crafty in the way she does it. And Vivian has so wants to please her. Right. Just, and I can so relate to that for very long time. That's what I was just in this to please, to please. It didn't matter what I wanted. ⁓ even down to my wedding dress. So I had.

Meg (12:41)
wow.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (12:41)
I went wedding dress shopping by myself initially and I found the perfect dress and I put it on and it was so beautiful and I absolutely loved it and I was like this is my dress I feel so beautiful and so then I asked her will you come with me to the wedding I want to show you the dress and she came with me and she was like oh that dress is hideous that dress is horrible no you can't wear that you can't wear this

And so she looked at the racks and she picked another dress and I ended up buying that dress and wearing that dress. And to this day, when I look at those wedding photos, I hate that dress because it wasn't the one I wanted. And I didn't even really like it, but to please her and to appease her, you know, I gave in. So yeah, I could definitely see that relationship in my own life between those two. Yeah.

Meg (13:15)
⁓ yes.

That's so inspiring that you initially went alone first.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (13:35)
Yeah, because I was like, I just wanted to have that because I knew she's very, she's just very much like Joe, very overpowering, very controlling. I want my way, things my way. So a lot of the wedding planning I did on my own. And then she would just, she just came to see the end results. ⁓ And so with the wedding dress, I should have just kept the dress secret. But, you know, lessons learned and we grow and we learn and we find ourselves, which I think is.

Meg (13:59)
Yes.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (14:05)
you know, the same sort of story that you're telling the book.

Meg (14:09)
yes, yes, Joe represents all those conversations we have when after the conversation is done, we walk away thinking and feeling, hold up, that didn't feel comfortable, but I can't quite put a finger on it because I wasn't ⁓ physically hurt. wasn't abused. She never put me down, man, why did... So it's this control disguises care and Joe represents all of that. And that can happen from my experience in...

institutions and systems, but also in individuals. And so I wanted to give voice to that for more women to just reflect and notice where are those moments in their own life where they walk away like that.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (14:49)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think you've done that really well with the characters and the way you've written them. And I'm interested, which character do you resonate most with? Would it be Hetty or... Yeah.

Meg (14:54)
Thank you.

This is so the divine, if I could say fuckery, a divine fuckery of it all is I see myself in, I'm a mother myself and there were moments when Joe was telling me what to say. When Joe was, I was writing Joe, I should say, that I saw myself in the antagonist. I saw myself in the villain. This mom just really trying to protect, but from that fear and scarcity,

they cause harm. And so I saw myself in every character. Hetty is the most like me in the sense that I did start preaching. I was in ministry for almost 20 years. I did start preaching at a very young age. And I did leave the full-time ministry. I won't give any spoilers away about what Hetty does, but I did come to a place that I realized that

In my early 30s, I was working from appeasing and impressing people. That was my sole driving subconscious force. It wasn't joy and pleasure. And I was so thankful for a somatic enneagram retreat when I was 28, where the facilitator helped me see that and asked me after deep somatic work, she said, Meg, what's one thing you could do all day? And if no one was around to applaud you for it or say good job or ever know you did it,

What is that thing you could keep doing? And I knew instantly that thing was writing. That had always been my favorite part of my job and been doing it since I was a kid, writing plays in elementary school for my apartment friends. And so I did leave. I left full-time ministry and thankfully have been using all the skills in my coaching business, but I did leave. ⁓ so Hedy and I are similar in our abilities.

And I have been on a journey myself to move from people pleaser to being fully present.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (17:05)
And that can be so hard, especially when you've got years of conditioning, right? It just becomes ingrained in you. ⁓ But somatic work, wow, somatic work can be life-changing. I don't know about your experience, but my experience was life-changing. Yeah, that's where I finally was able to stop the people-pleasing was through the use of somatic work.

Meg (17:09)
yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, it's, yeah, listening, tapping back into our bodies and hearing what younger versions of ourself have to say or how our emotions uniquely show up. Yes, that's been a game changer for me over the past 10 years of doing my own deep healing work.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (17:48)
And so in your own story, did you first feel this tension between who you were told to be and who you actually were?

Meg (17:57)
That's a great question. Man, I've never been asked that question before.

What's coming to me, I'm just going to take what I get, trust what you get as they say. What's coming for me is...

Around that time of that Innegram retreat, ⁓ in that moment, I knew I left that retreat realizing I wanted to start a family. I wanted to start a family. I, similar to Hetty, was raised with the belief that I was different than other girls. I wasn't made for a family. I was made for a parish. So that is also autobiographical. And...

I knew I had funky chromosomes, so I knew it'd be hard to get pregnant. So I had really no interest in children. I was workaholic too. But after that enneagram retreat and we miraculously got pregnant with my daughter.

And it was during the hospital, all the hospital visits that I felt the spirit or I felt God, whatever you want to call that. I referred to that as God. I always feel I need to be very inclusive. Like if you call it God, source or universe, whatever, we're talking about the same thing here. I always feel I have to, I have that disclaimer. But God said to me, it's time for you to birth books. And so I knew that I'd only birth one child and we'd be one and done because we'd be smart with my condition.

but I felt God say, it's time for you to birth books. And so that began the journey of starting my first book while I was still in full-time ministry and I was beginning to see what my life could be professionally. And so I felt tension there.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (19:33)
So when you're working in the ministry, do you find that you have this belief that you're abandoning God when you choose yourself?

Meg (19:42)
Hmm, I did. I used to have that belief, 100%.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (19:46)
And how did that feel in your body? How did that make you feel in your body when you have that belief, when you realize that's a belief you have to break?

Meg (19:53)
I would say shame, shame up the back, shame for me tiptoes up the backs of my arms. It's different than anxiety for me and it's different than guilt. is, it's a very distinct tiptoe of the back of my arms, just goosebumps at the back of my arms. So that I, I definitely, was, there was shame around that. And then a little sensation at my upper abs, top of the belly.

where I always carry the worry my whole life. And that's right. That's where I felt I felt that as I was running the story of Christian piety is self denial and Christian piety is poverty. All those stories and to want more is selfish. And who am I to want more? Yeah. Yeah.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (20:43)
I love that you just did that. I love that you just closed your eyes and you went into your body and you could feel exactly where that... A lot of women can't do that. We can't do that. We're so disconnected from our bodies. And how... Have you always been able to do that or is that something you've had to learn over the last couple of years?

Meg (20:47)
Hmm.

I have had to learn, I've had to learn that. Yes. Yes. And I've had an amazing coach myself who has trained me and has enhanced my, my own coaching business. Um, I would say 10 years ago, I could not do that. What I would do instead when I had to make a decision, I don't know what this says about me neurologically, but if I had to make a decision about something, I would put a percentage on it. I would say 20 % of me wants to go to that party. So I guess it's a no.

and, and so, ⁓ that's what I used to do as percentages, but now I, it's definitely a, a, I'm a, I have focused in around certain relationships or certain opportunities or around certain thoughts. What is, what is my body saying? And I, I love using the, that famous graph. I'm sure you've seen it in all your work, the body emotion, body map that shows where physical sensations happen.

for certain emotions in every single human. That was eye-opening to me seven years ago when that was shown to me. And it helped me realize I was mislabeling emotions. So of course I couldn't move anger if I was labeling it a sadness. And so that was helpful. using that graph and my own experiences and noticing, okay, I'm angry. I feel this in my jaw or in my forehead. It's okay to be angry. Anger can be safe.

I'm going to be angry right now and share anger in a safe way. And I know I'm angry because of my body. But no, that took practice and that is a giant piece of the curriculum I use now and the treasure within is helping women do the same thing. And ⁓ before I even show the body emotion graph, we do a guided exercise that takes us from pure pleasure to pure disgust by the end.

It's so disgusting that it's not, it's not that bad. It's not, it's like PG-13, but it was, there was one women's conference I spoke at and I had to present my workshop for the board. And when I presented it, they said, ⁓ you can't say those words here. So you have to change it. But I, but in my own group, I don't change it because that's how it was presented to me 10 years ago. And it was so powerful to be disgusted in a guided exercise, which you don't expect, but to be disgusted.

And then notice in your body in that moment, what is tingling or where is there a sensation? So I love walking women through that and then showing them the body map. So they have it experientially first and then they have it conceptually. And then the quote, homework assignment or invitation that week is throughout your meetings, your conversations with your spouse or kids or friends, notice how your body talks when your friend brings up that.

true crime podcast that really scares you, notice what happens in your body when you are scared. And then they write down those moments and they come back and we all share them. So long answer, very long, no. It's been work the past decade. I used to not be able to do that, but now it's a great tool in my toolbox to do that.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (24:12)
Yeah, and it sounds like it's quite a process to be able to build that practice up. And what benefits have you seen in your life since you've been able to do that and bring that awareness to what you're feeling in your body?

Meg (24:17)
Yes.

I make decisions way faster and I am much more effective and productive. I have much more peace and joy because I really am, whether it is a sales call with someone.

or it's a personal opportunity, I really am moving out of pleasure and joy and service, obviously, obviously, and no longer out of obligation, appeasing or impressing because I can feel in my body, that feels like a should that joining that board is like is like a should like my view invite me to be on this working board. And my my nose scrunches up like I smell something foul like it literally does. And

⁓ That's not in line with my skill sets or gifts. I will not serve your nonprofit well. I don't want to be on your board. So just noticing, my nose scrunched at that email, that's a no for me. It doesn't matter how impressive I will look. It doesn't matter that I should do it because other moms are doing it. It's just a flat no. And I know that because my nose scrunched. So it's been so helpful in my confidence and peace and productivity.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (25:33)
Oh wow, I love that. Especially like, I think a lot of us struggle with overthinking indecision. I know I do. I'll go back and forth on something a hundred times and then I'll have to get somebody else to weigh in and then I have to get another person to weigh in and another person to weigh in and drive people around me crazy.

Meg (25:40)
Hell yeah.

Yes, I can relate to that. That used to be me. Yes, yes. And because you and I are very intelligent and imaginative, we could see why that person's opinion is right and why that person's opinion is right. Is that how you are?

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (26:06)
Yeah, exactly. Or if they're not saying what I think I want them to say, then I'll be like, but why would you say that? Why wouldn't you say the other thing? Why wouldn't you choose the other thing? Let's delve into that some more. Why are you going with what you're saying? Because really I want them to say what I want them to say, but you know, I don't want them to give me their answer. I want them to give me my answer that I want.

Meg (26:08)
Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Mm-hmm. Yes, totally.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (26:30)
So let's talk

a little bit about desire because desire is another sort of key theme in the book. you've ⁓ I've heard you say that desire is divine breadcrumbs, but for many women desire can feel dangerous. Why is that?

Meg (26:47)
Mm-hmm.

It's not always this dramatic. For me, it was dramatic like this. And the women that I feel called to serve usually come from a very religious background where there was lots of shame around sexuality and sensuality, i.e. our desires. And so when there was shame put on us as middle school girls or whatever age that happened,

we shut down the body. I shut down the body. There's nothing good here. There's nothing trustworthy here. What I want is obviously dirty and opposite of what God has in store for me. So I'm just going to become a brain on a stick and shut all this down and not listen to any of it and not, and coming from a second point, when women come from a relational, as you know, and I'm sure your audience knows all this too. I'm just preaching to the choir. When we come from relational systems,

in our upbringing that are very controlling and micromanaging that implicitly sends the signal to me as a child or to your listener as a child that, if she or he is trying to control my decision and change my decision, that must mean my decisions, my desires are not trustworthy, i.e. they're not good. And so those are the two main stories I...

I see running and then the third one that I see a lot comes back to if I'm going to be a.

a strong disciple of my faith, I need to be humble and humble people always put others first and make my preferences invisible in the name of humility, in the name of having a being a person of integrity when that's not, from my experience, not helpful always.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (28:43)
Yeah. And what were you taught about desire when you were

Meg (28:48)
All those things I just shared. That was 100%. That was lived it, lived it, transmuted it. Yeah. 100%. 100%. Yeah.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (28:50)
Yeah. Yeah.

And how

would you define desire now?

Meg (29:01)
⁓ yes, I love, I love, I cannot believe she came into my life so late. There is a theologian metaphysical practitioner from the early 1900s, Dr. H. Emily Cady, and back then she was teaching that desire, and this is all this is in the book club questions for the book, desire is God knocking on the door of your heart. It would not be there knocking unless God put it there first.

And in order for me, as one that has, I had the belief that our soul made a promise when we came here to learn specific lessons. And it is listening to our desires that are knocking on the door of our heart, loving them, saying, I see you, I trust you, I love you desire. Let's make this happen. The more that we do that, the faster we learn the lesson that we came here to learn, or the faster we heal the wound we came here to heal.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (29:58)
wow, I love that. That's really beautiful. That's a really great way to look at it. I'm gonna look that up. I love that.

Meg (30:06)
Yeah, she's a gay. man, I want a poster in my room. Dr. H. Emily Katie. ⁓ Icon.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (30:09)
hehe

And if we come back, if we just circle back to the book for a second, so Vivienne in 1979, she's the mother in the story, she carries this tension between desire and control. And we sort of get that already in the first couple of paragraphs where, you know, we start off the story with her and Miguel. And, yeah, so she carries this tension between desire and control. And so what does she represent in terms of that in the book?

Meg (30:43)
What does she represent in terms of desire and control?

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (30:53)
because initially she's got that push pull,

Meg (31:08)
world around her felt so out of control. And we see that in her childhood, early childhood and adult, early adult years. And so we see her trying to take control of her internal space. So she feels she finds comfort in coding computers and doing math.

I said she's a mathematical savant. There's no intrapersonal skills in math. There's no drama. It's predictable. It's not. There's no guilt. There's no fickle feelings in math. So she's trying to control and then she's trying to control her as we see in the first chapter, her space. So she's a neurotic cleaner and nervous cleaner. There's everything is perfect. She's dusting constantly dusting her car dashboard on the phone with her when she's in her fifties and sixties.

Mm-hmm. And with...

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (32:07)
And we can sort of see how destructive

it becomes in her life where, you know, she gives into the control as opposed to the desire, because essentially her control is being, her desire is being controlled, isn't it, by everyone else instead of herself.

Meg (32:16)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yes, yes. Thank you for connecting those two. And I, I think a lot of women as you and I, you, me and Vivian and Hetty, the four of us have all related to this, that most of our childhoods, I,

I only felt safe if my mom was emotionally comfortable. And that's not to say my mother was abusive or didn't, it was just the trauma our family as a whole experienced in my early childhood and the unhealed stuff my mom is on her journey to heal. And so from that place, Vivian is similar. I only feel safe if my mom is emotionally comfortable. So I need to control to make sure that she is emotionally comfortable.

I need to let her control me, which we see. ⁓ while there is no character, there's no person, Miguel Fuentes does not exist. I wanted him, who's Vivian's first friend and love interest when the book starts, I wanted Miguel to represent authentic desire. And it's so much more.

entertaining to read about the very hot Latino man who writes poetry than it is to for me to talk about my regret that I didn't study improv in college. It's my only regret in life. ⁓ and so I want, I wanted to invite women to think about before they were third graders. So before they were nine or 10, ⁓ what was that hobby, that creative expression they were drawn to before the world said, you could make more money doing this or you, you shouldn't do that.

What was that? And then that same for me, that was writing, writing plays as I shared. And I was obsessed with improv as a very young kid, that obsession started. And then it came up again in my early 20s. And it was, I was just so groomed to be a pastor that I repressed it again. But I wanted, wanted Miguel to represent authentic desire. And I wanted to help us see through Vivian's journey that authentic desire,

it never expires. You can't, so if someone is thinking I'm too old to join an improv troupe or I'm too old to write my first book, whatever that, I'm too old to take a pole dancing class, whatever that fun, funky desire is that there's no expiration date on authentic desire. And at its core, it is good and holy and trustworthy.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (34:58)
I love that answer. I really love that answer. I really felt that because I think and I think a lot of women will be able to resonate with that. For me my biggest regret was not going and becoming a dancer after school, a professional dancer because it was something I loved. Yeah, something I absolutely loved and it was also it was yeah you can't really make money doing that. You need to do this because you're also talented at this and this could make you a lot of money.

And I was committed to fulfilling that dream for her and at the expense of my own. But I'm now doing salsa classes and I'm slowly starting to get back into, you know, into doing that for myself. So I love that you say that, that, you know, there is no expiration date on whatever it is. Don't think it's too late. And I think midlife is the perfect opportunity because you're faced with those questions about who are you really?

Meg (35:53)
Mm-hmm.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (35:54)
I think it's a great message for the ladies is that your desire does not expire. love that.

Meg (36:01)
That's

so exciting that you're in dance classes. ⁓ amazing.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (36:03)
Yeah, yeah,

yes. So I've started salsa classes and now I'm looking at joining like a theatrical group, trying theater. Yeah, so we'll see how that goes.

Meg (36:14)
That's wonderful. That's wonderful.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (36:21)
So talking about mother and daughter relationships, how does the mother-daughter dynamic shape our identity when we do have difficult mothers?

⁓ or difficult relationship with our mothers? How does that shape our identity with ourselves, do you think?

Meg (36:39)
This is a fully loaded question and it's the majority.

of our conversations in the treasure within the women's community that accompanies this novel. It's beautifully intergenerational. 26 is the youngest woman. 64 is the elder in the group. And so much has come up about navigating and healing.

I want to say our, but I really mean my, because I know can only speak from my experience. But based on the experiences of the women in the treasure within and what they're sharing, I can say our collectively. Our mothers didn't have the resources or opportunities to do their own healing work. So what we had wasn't really a woman in her.

20s, 30s or 40s giving birth to us and raising us. We had a mentally disassociated child or teenager who, because our mother didn't have the resources and the opportunities that we had to heal her little T or big T trauma. And so I have, that is so healing.

And I tried to bring that out in a certain chapter in the book, which I won't give away because it was such a pivotal chapter. ⁓ But it's so, as you know, so healing to begin to see our mom in that way, to see her, to understand what all she survived and rose above in her journey before I was even born, hear her stories and not make excuses for any abuse or justify it.

not fixed, but just seek to understand and listen and see her as, I see you as a 17 year old. I see you as a six year old. I'm so sorry you survived that. I see you as a 27 year old. You're so strong. I honor you for what you survived and rose above.

and then seeing her as a person. And all of that gives me so much hope for us now as mothers, so thankful for the opportunities and resources. that's a really, it's a good part of the internet that we have all these abilities and resources ⁓ to do our own healing work so we can show up for our own.

whether it's the children in our house or for our nieces and nephews or for other children in our neighborhoods that we do mother, we can show up as I'm a fully integrated woman. in my 40s, 50s, whatever, 67. I'm bringing all these integrative parts of me. love them. I've transmuted, I've alchemized the pain I survived and now I'm coming to you ready to raise you from a...

place not of fear or control or lack of scarcity, but from a place of trust. I can trust the goodness in the universe, in the world. I can trust the goodness in you. I can trust myself to raise you well. And I can raise you from this place of obviously unconditional love.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (40:13)
Yeah, I think we have a responsibility to sort of tacking on to what you've said. We have a responsibility because we have a lot more resources and a lot more awareness now than what our previous generations had. And really we have a responsibility to use that and to heal those patterns so that it doesn't get passed on.

Meg (40:25)
You

Mm-hmm. Yes.

I also think about the, I'm sure you've heard of cutting cords, that guided meditation. Yes, yes, of course. every, of course, of course. And I do notice in the women in the treasure within and in myself that because my mother and I and the women in this group, because I only felt safe when my mom is emotionally comfortable and because we were so enmeshed with each other, ⁓

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (40:45)
Yes.

Meg (41:09)
and I had to read her every move to make, set myself up for safety. Those chords are very, very strong. And so that makes for a very messy relationship. And I see that to be true in the women in the group and in myself. And I love helping women navigate that and add more tools to their boundary tool belt. If they feel, my mom, she needs to stay in my life.

And but these are the boundaries. This is the new agreement we're going to set up together. And I know that's not, and I wanted to show the other side of that too in the book that sometimes that's not the case. Sometimes a relationship does need to end. And that is the most unconditionally loving thing you could do is not see that person ever again, loving to yourself and toward them. And sometimes that is the highest good choice to make. ⁓ but sometimes we do want to stay in relationship with

like I do with my mom and so getting to navigate what a healthy agreement with her looks like now.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (42:15)
And does setting boundaries, is that part of that unhooking or that cutting cord process?

Meg (42:22)
100 % yes, yes, yes.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (42:25)
and it can be quite important. It's quite an important piece of work, I think.

Meg (42:29)
Mm-hmm, totally,

totally.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (42:33)
So I'm going to ask you one question I ask all my guests. ⁓ If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?

Meg (42:41)
⁓ yes. Yes.

what's coming up for me again? I'm just going to take what I get, even though it's not going to make a lot of sense. I would tell her she is not disgusting and she is not fat. She is not lazy. That she is not unlovable, double negative, pardon. And I would tell her that

one day.

All of this will be for the greater good. And you will feel so much peace about all of it. And you will be able to help people because of all of it.

That is what I would tell her.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (43:38)
That's beautiful. That is a beautiful message. Yeah. Yeah. And that's powerful because a lot of times we go through these experiences because we have something to share so that we have something to share with the rest of the world and to help others heal that have been on the same journey.

So Meg, where can people find you if they want to connect with you and work with you or get a copy of your book? It's a really great book. It's a good read.

Meg (43:57)
for you.

yes, I'm so honored that you got to be with the book and that you welcomed me as a guest. Thank you, thank you so much. Yes. So I want to invite your listeners to hop on over to MegCalvin.com. And at my website, as I shared, there are tons of, I didn't know, I didn't share this yet. There are tons of really exciting pre-order bonuses. And so what I'm giving away,

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (44:12)
Yeah.

Meg (44:37)
for pre-orders of a copy of the book is a dream interpretation training. How do we know what's a divine message and what's just our brain dumping memories from the day? I'm giving away free coaching with me, whether it is in the treasure within the community or toward your book writing goals, you can get free coaching with me with pre-orders.

I'm giving away an intuitive development quiz. And so not only what is my most dominant intuitive ability, but where do I see it in scripture? Because a lot of Christian women are caught up on, can't use this ability. This is not of God. When really it is very much of God and we see it all throughout the Bible. And so there's so many fun quizzes and ⁓ free coaching and a Spotify playlist that follows the chapters of the book, tons of goodies. So if you go over to MegCalvin.com,

you can get your book early and then you also get bonuses for doing so.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (45:35)
Okay, great. And when is that? ⁓ When is that until when can get those free bonuses until

Meg (45:40)
Yes. ⁓

I'm so glad your brain thought to say that. Yes. So that will go from now till June 9th.

Odilia|The Midlife Awakening (45:49)
So if you're planning on getting the book, which I highly recommend, if you want to self-help in a different format, head on over to Meg's website and get some bonuses while you're at it. I will leave all the links in the show notes so you can find your way there. Yeah, Meg, thank you so much for coming on. I really enjoyed the story and really enjoyed your novel. I've had a lovely time talking with you. There's been some really resonant moments for me and I'm sure with the audience as well. So thank you so much.

Meg (46:19)
⁓ thank you for inspiring me by signing up for salsa classes.

The Midlife Awakening (46:29)
powerful and honest conversation. think one of the biggest takeaways from today's this your desires are not something to fear or suppress. As Meg said, so many of us have spent years disconnecting from our bodies, overriding what we feel and living from a place of obligation. But there's another way. And it starts with learning to trust yourself again.

If this episode resonated with you, really encourage you to explore Megs book. There he holds her.

It's not just a story, it's a mirror and for many women a doorway into deeper healing. You can also connect with Meg through her community, The Treasure Within, where she supports women in doing this work in a safe and powerful way. We've linked everything in the show notes so that you can find her easily. And as always, if this conversation spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. And don't forget to follow or subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes. Until next week, trust what your body is telling you and don't be afraid to follow.

See you. Bye for now.