Heal with Grace

44. Breaking Free from Toxic Wellness Culture

• Grace Secker • Episode 44

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In this episode, Grace explores the delicate balance between wellness culture and the principles of Health At Every Size (HAES) and eating disorder recovery. She shares personal experiences and challenges, highlighting the potential toxicities within wellness culture such as the pursuit of perfection. Emphasizing self-compassion, intuitive eating, and the importance of rest and joy, Grace offers actionable tips for finding a real balance in self-care practices. The episode advocates for a personalized, stress-free approach to health, focusing on nourishment of mind, body, and soul.

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Hello, hello. It's Grace and today's episode is going to get real again. If you've been tuning in for a while, you know I'm passionate about healing and wellness and everything that goes along with it. we talk about mental health, physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, And oftentimes I find myself navigating this kind of shaky lane in between two worlds where I think that some of y'all actually feel this too, but we just don't often talk about it.

And I want to bring this to light. Some of what I say in this episode, some of you may not like, or it might ruffle some feathers a little bit. But. I just ask you to have an open mind because I think it's actually really important that we talk about this and find some balance. And these two worlds that I'm talking about that I often find myself between, The, as one, the bright and shiny world of wellness, culture and healing, which I'm very much so a part of, and the recovery space that is mental health, eating disorder, recovery, health at every size, which I'm also very much so a part of as well.

And I find lots of wonderful people and tools and culture in both, but oftentimes. These two worlds don't see eye to eye. On one hand, wellness culture can sometimes only be about green juices, fitness challenges, and supplements. And don't get me wrong, I definitely partake in them. find them often helpful in a matter of speaking and in balanced ways.

It can also, Be a wonderful accepting world where people learn how to take care of themselves and sometimes that world can often feel like it's pushing you to be perfect and Which let's be honest that can be pretty triggering for anyone Right if we have this idea that we have to be perfect in our wellness that actually goes against what we need Which is acceptance and love and can be very triggering if you're healing from an eating disorder or you're trying to embrace intuitive eating.

And on the other hand, the Hays, the health at every size and the ED recovery communities emphasize self acceptance body respect, and reject diet culture. But these principles often seem to reject all sides of wellness culture, which isn't great either. So, I don't know about you, but I often find myself caught between these two, trying to find the balance.

And I talk a lot about my, to my clients about it. If you have been a client of mine, you know, I use the word balance. All the time, I joke that I should have named my practice balance something because it's all I talk about and I know, you know, some of you might find yourself in opposing cultures too. So that's why today we're diving into the dark side of wellness culture and how to bring balance to it all.

So let's break it all down and figure out how to navigate this world in a way that truly supports your well being. All right, let's do it.



All right, so let's talk about what wellness culture looks like on the surface. It's shiny, right? You've got your yoga mats, meditation apps, green juices, perfectly curated wellness routines, journaling, meditation, breath work, and Again, when I talk about this, I mean, I think you know this, that I very much so believe in, teach and love a lot of side of all of this.

but here's the thing. Oftentimes it can look perfect and it looks like, oh, do all these things and you'll feel so much better and you'll be this kind of like perfectly healthy person. But that's not really how it works. And often that's a bad thing. big pressure cooker, right? So suddenly wellness can feel like a full time job.

If you go the diet route, you're counting calories, you're fasting windows, detoxing and doing all the supplements and certain diet protocols. you're waking up at a certain time to make sure you have your routine correctly before you start work and your nighttime routine correctly before you go to bed.

And if you slip up, guilt floods in. If you miss a workout, you didn't make your smoothie today, you ate something that's quote off plan, cue the shame spiral, right? And that's what I want to talk about when it comes to the you. Like dark side of wellness culture, because there can be a lot of, okay, well, a lot of messaging out there.

If you do this, this, and this, then you're never going to get sick. You're always going to be healthy. You're never going to feel bad. That's just not reality. And actually this is really fitting time for me to record this because I am sick right now. I'm, I think it's just, I think it's a bad cold. because I tested negative for other things, but I did the first couple of days, I had this.

Kind of shame come over me for, for a little bit of, how did I get sick? What wasn't I doing? I, you know, pride myself on not getting colds. So, you know, why, why me? I didn't do enough of this. I didn't do enough of that. Right. And I recognized it and I was like, no, no, no, we're not going to go there. That, that's the toxic side that we just don't often talk about.

So instead of supporting our healing, it can feel like it's leaving you feeling like you never do enough. And, oh, we don't need that because so much of us already experienced that on a deep, deep level, that feeling of not being good enough or not doing enough already, and we don't need that coming from a wellness and healing place.

And that can be exhausting, especially if you're someone who's recovering from something like an eating disorder or healing your relationship with food or you're healing from something like chronic pain. We all know all of those healing journeys require you to look at how much you're shaming yourself and how much you're telling yourself you're not doing enough.

We're not doing good enough. The constant pressure to be perfect and your wellness habits can trigger all of those patterns like restriction or over control, high anxiety, a lot of pressure on yourself, which is really the opposite of healing.

I think that it's easy to fall into this, because, you know, on one hand, I'm, you know, I'm talking about the toxic side of all of this, but I truly do. I mean, I love my green juices. I love my meditation. I am a very routine oriented person. So when I'm in my routine, I feel pretty good. And when I'm out of it, I kind of go down a spiral sometimes, kind of depends.

And so, you know, I, I do love all these things, but the problem is when it shifts into if I don't do X, Y, and Z, I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I'm not healthy enough. Why can't I fix myself? Like I should be able to fix and heal myself perfectly on my own, doing all these things. That's not what we want to get to.

So I hope you're understanding this. Like, you know, a lot of parts of wellness. Are really wonderful and it's actually awesome that they're becoming mainstream because we do, and I hesitate to say this because this could be a whole other episode, but we, we do, our society needs some help. We are at a health crisis, to be honest, and.

you know, you can go do your own research on that and maybe I'll, I'll do an episode on this, but yeah, we need some help. We really need to come home to the idea that we are overworked. We are pushed to the limits. Our perfectionism is at an all time high. and we need to take care of ourselves. So the fact that wellness is becoming mainstream is amazing.

The part, the problem is that when we take it because we're human and we like to take things to the extreme, when we take wellness to the extreme, when we make it right or wrong, that's when it's become problematic. So I hope that you hear this to know, you know, that one specific way of doing something is for someone else is not always going to be right for you, right?

So that goes from anything from diet to workout routine, to therapist, to journaling, to your emotions, your mental health. Like if someone's talking about how it works for them, try it on. That's great. You know, we can all use some tips and tools from other people, but it doesn't mean it has to work for you or it should work for you.

Right. So really in summary for this first part, Wellness and taking care of ourselves and learning about how to take care of yourselves is so valuable and so needed. And. We have to bring flexibility and compassion and grace to it, which is so much of what this podcast is about, right? Like, how do we bring grace and compassion to our healing?

And you know, it's okay when we get a little stuck in it. Like I said, I definitely got stuck in the whole, why am I sick? What was me? I can't believe this is happening. What did I do wrong? Or why didn't I do X, Y, and Z? Yeah, I, you know, it came up, but. I'm working with it. I'm here and we're moving through it and just taking care of my body during this time.

So, the next part I want to talk about is how to spot these more toxic trends, right? Like, how do you know when you're getting into that kind of rigid right or wrong, like all or nothing place in your wellness and healing journey? So it's easy to get stuck into the endless fads, right? Whether it's intermittent fasting, the latest detox cleanse or productivity hacks or supplements that make you feel like you should always be on, right?

So how do you know when wellness has crossed the line from helpful to harmful? Here's a few clues. One, it makes you feel bad about yourself. If your wellness routine leaves you feeling guilty or ashamed when you don't stick to it. That's a red flag. Wellness should lift you up, not tear you down. So if you're feeling guilty or ashamed when you can't do it perfectly, that's when we really need to look at how are you treating yourself?

How are you talking to yourself? And what is it that you're actually doing? Is it helping you? If it's helping you, great. All right, well, get back on the routine. If you fall off, that's fine. Get back, right? Right, you're never going to be perfect at it. So don't expect yourself to be perfect at it. Number two, if it adds stress instead of reducing it.

Are you feeling more anxious about your wellness routine than before you started? If so, it's time to reassess. And actually, I have a funny little story. This is probably more common now, but I mean, probably 20 or so years ago, before a lot of more naturopathic, holistic, functional, medicine and practices were, were more familiar, they weren't really right.

So like nowadays, especially when it comes to diet, we have all different kinds of specifications that you can find at the grocery stores and restaurants and all the things. Well, my dad was put on a gluten free diet 20 years ago. I think it was gluten and sugar. I think gluten and sugar free. And this truly was back when there were no products like that.

Right? And it was kind of an experiment for some health things he was going through. at least that's how he saw it. Him and his doctor were like, all right, let's just see. Right? Let's, let's find out. They didn't do any blood work, blood tests, anything. It was just like, let's find out. So it was probably like three months or something that he did this.

And. He's stuck to it. he's a person that can pretty much do that. Doesn't have a lot of emotion in it. And he was at a party one time talking about this to one of my friends. Parents , and the parent was like, well, you know, I think the prescription is worse than the symptom. Right? . And he was like, yeah, you know, you might be right about that.

and I'm not gonna go into the details of what he was he was going through and, and things, and, but at the end of the day, it, it, it actually was kind of right. It that added way more stress to his life than not doing it. And so I'm not saying this, this, this is just one example, right? It could be anything you're doing.

It doesn't have to be about diet, but it just could be anything. But you know, let's look at it like what? What is really, what are your priorities? Is it a certain symptom or is it your mental or an emotional health? Maybe it's all the above, but if it's really adding stress instead of reducing it, I think it's time to look at what you're doing.

Number three, if it triggers old unhealthy behaviors. This especially is for people who have been healing from eating disorders or working towards intuitive eating. Certain wellness fads can be dangerous, right? If you find yourself slipping back into rigid rules or restrictions, that's definitely a sign it's not serving you.

And this is somewhere I've definitely been before, along my journey when I had recovered from an eating disorder and I was, I mean, I honestly was doing pretty good. I didn't have any triggers or behaviors or anything and felt pretty good about where I was. But, you know, as I was going on my functional medicine journey, you know, I had multiple different people tell me to go on a certain diet and my response every single time would be that's not an option for me.

I have a history of, an eating disorder and that's just a road that I don't want to go down. Now, maybe I would be fine if it's not too intense, but I just don't even want to touch it. So we need to find a different option for my treatment. That's really powerful for you to be able to do because diet's not the only way.

And honestly, this podcast is not just about diet. I mean, this episode, obviously, but it's just a really great example, right? So I have said that multiple times to practitioners and it's, can be really, really helpful for not only empowering yourself and advocating for yourself, but also to find other ways we can, you can treat and heal in many other ways.

You know? Okay. So really. It is easy to get caught up in trends that sound healthy on the surface, right? But if it's adding stress to your life or pushing you into all or nothing thinking, it's not real wellness. Healing isn't about achieving perfectionism, but tuning into what truly makes you feel good.

The other side of this when we're talking about healing from eating disorders and intuitive eating and working from that side of things that sometimes you have to let go of truly all the messaging around what's going on. What is helpful for you? What is wellness? Whether that's a certain workout trend or a certain diet or even if it's not diet, right?

Because when we're healing intuitive and working towards intuitive eating we are off any kind of diet. We have no restrictions depending on you know, if you do have something specifically for your health and so You do have to let go of the ideas that there are these certain ways to eat that are more healthy, right?

More nutritious foods. I'm not discounting that, you know, certain foods have different values than others. That's obvious. It's just that Sometimes we can kind of get stuck in this, in our healing, and we never want to explore types of eating that can help our bodies. And when I say that, I'm not talking about only eating vegetables and not eating anything else, cutting out dairy or gluten or sugar.

I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about learning truly how to intuitively eat for our bodies that are going to sustain and really. help us on a foundational nutritious level, right? So when you have this goal in mind for yourself and your health, that you want to optimize your health, you really want to feel good.

Like I had a doctor to me, tell me one time, he was like, I'm just more addicted to feeling good than anything. So that's why I do what I do. And I was like, that's, that's great. It's a good and also somewhat problematic way of seeing it. I wouldn't use the word addiction, but you know, the idea is that the reason why you're eating, the reason why you're doing what you're doing, taking supplements, working out, journaling, working on your mental and emotional health, the reason why you're doing these things.

And so that you can just, you can feel good, really. You can feel better in your body and work through whatever you need to work through that comes up in life. And so sometimes when we. Break out of diet culture. And we say F it to anything that usually includes ways of eating and, and treating our bodies sometimes that can feel like we're bringing in, Diet or wellness culture and so what I often find is we push those away and I did this too.

I truly pushed away and literally ignored anything that had to do with wellness culture for I don't really know maybe a couple years because that it became toxic to me and that's what created more of my eating disorder was being so stuck and diet I mean wellness culture became diet culture for me but started with wellness and so Through, over time, I recognized, okay, I can, I can choose to eat and move my body and have my routine in a way that isn't rigid and isn't toxic, but actually helps support me.

Right? It doesn't mean I'm slipping back into old negative patterns, but I'm choosing these ways of being because it makes me feel good and I want to feel good so I can be my best self. Yeah. I hope that makes sense. So, okay, how do we find balance and real healing? Now that we've called out BS, how do we find real balance in our wellness routines?

Here's the thing. True healing comes from slowing down, not from adding more things to your wellness to do list. It's about listening to what your body and mind really need, not what's trending on social media. It's about rest, joy, connection, and self compassion. These are the real wellness pillars.

It's especially if you are recovering from an eating disorder or embracing intuitive eating to focus on gentle nutrition and self kindness. Healing your relationship with food means breaking free from strict rules and tuning in to your body's natural hunger and fullness cues. And honestly, I would say that for everyone.

It doesn't matter if you're healing from an eating disorder, if you're working on your health from other chronic conditions. The more strict rules you place on yourself, the more stress there's going to be. And we know that the more stress and anxiety there is, the more pain or nervous system dysregulation that we have.

So the ultimate form of healing is true self care. For everyone feeling overwhelmed by wellness trends, remember that less is more. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is simplify. It's not about doing it all, it's about doing what makes you feel nourished and whole, not what your friend is doing, right?

What makes you feel at peace? What makes you feel nourished? What makes you feel excited? Real healing means giving yourself permission to take a step back and do what feels right for you, even if it doesn't check every wellness box.

So here are a few ways to cultivate balance in your wellness journey. One, ditch the rules. Let's do it. Give yourself full permission to eat what feels good and skip the rigid restrictions. Doesn't mean you're gonna go all out on, I don't know, some food that makes you feel bad, right? Like, that's not gonna happen.

You're gonna want to eat foods that make you feel good. Or that are joyful and yummy and delicious, right? There's all different occasions for different kinds of foods. Number two, you're going to tune in to your needs. Ask yourself, what do I need right now? Instead of what should I be doing right now? And you might feel a little foggy or fuzzy with this answer, with these answers, these questions, because you might not know right off the bat, but just keep asking yourself, keep asking yourself, what do I need right now?

Instead of what should I be doing right now? Number three, practice self compassion. Be kind to yourself. Wellness is a journey, not a destination. There's no such thing as perfect health. Self compassion, self compassion, self compassion. Keep doing it over and over and over again. And number four, redefine your version of wellness.

Create a routine that works for your life, whether that is slow mornings, or the occasional different type of workout routine, or yoga, or walking, or dancing, or just making sure you're hydrated. You don't have to follow every trend to be well. Try one thing out, stick with it for a little bit, see how it does.

If it works, great, keep it up. If it doesn't, ditch it and Basically, here's your permission slip to step back from the noise of wellness culture.

It's okay to do what feels right for you. Even if it's not Instagram worthy or wellness approved, true healing is about what nourishes your mind, body, and soul. And that might look different from the latest trend. So let's leave behind the toxic trends, the guilt, and the pressure. Take what serves you and leave the rest.

Healing comes from being gentle with yourself, not striving for wellness perfection. Until next time, heal with grace.