Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
Being Alone vs Feeling Lonely: Embracing Connection and Overcoming Loneliness
Ever wondered why solitude can feel so enriching, yet loneliness feels so heavy? Join me as we dissect the nuanced differences between being alone and feeling lonely. Discover how alone time can be a crucial pillar for personal growth and self-connection, providing a much-needed escape from external pressures. We'll explore loneliness as an emotional signal urging us to seek meaningful bonds and why even a room full of people might not fill that void. With the holiday season looming, we’ll tackle practical strategies to craft personal traditions, reach out to loved ones, and engage with your community, ensuring that loneliness doesn't overshadow your festivities.
Subscribe to my newsletter for more information on when my new workbook, Enough As I Am, will be available on Amazon.
📘 Download my suggested reading list of codependency books Here
📰 Sign up for my newsletter Here
❤️ Are you codependent? Take a Codependency Quiz, https://thecodependentdoctor.com/quiz/
✨Please contact me for any questions, comments or ideas for future episodes at codependentdoctor@gmail.com
📺 YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@thecodependentdoctor
👀 Website: www.thecodependentdoctor.com
☀️ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drangeladowney/
🍒Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558437886042
🎵 Music: Touching the Air by Graceful Movement - https://www.premiumbeat.com/
Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. Today we're diving into a topic that hits home for so many of us being alone versus being lonely. These two things often get mixed up, but they're actually really different experiences. You can be alone and feel totally at peace, or you can be surrounded by people and feel lonelier than ever. In this episode, we'll talk about what it really means to be alone and why it's not always a bad thing, and how loneliness can sneak up on us even in the busiest of lives, whether you're navigating solo time, dealing with disconnection in relationships or just trying to understand your own feelings. We're breaking it all down. So have a seat and let's figure out how to embrace being alone without feeling lonely.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome to the 20th episode of the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent.
Speaker 1:Today's episode will focus on being alone versus being lonely. I just want to take a minute to thank all of you who tune in every week. It really means so much to me. We're officially halfway through our December journaling challenge and I hope that you're starting to feel a little more clarity on what you want to focus on in the new year. The goal here isn't about fixing yourself, because, let's be real, there's nothing wrong with you. It's all about figuring out what changes could help you feel more aligned with your true self. I'm so honored to be part of this journey with you. Growth is a process, and taking even small steps towards understanding yourself better is something to celebrate. If you have any questions about the challenge or if you've got any ideas for topics that you'd like to see in future episodes, please don't hesitate to reach out, and I'd love to hear from you. So what does it mean to be alone versus being lonely? I spend a lot of time alone and I really value my quiet time. I work on my podcasts alone. I go to the spa alone. I'm okay going to movies or eating restaurants alone if I need to, but I never feel lonely.
Speaker 1:Some people might use the term being alone and being lonely interchangeably, but there's actually a huge difference between them. Being alone is simply about being physically by yourself. It doesn't automatically mean that there's something bad or that you're lonely. In fact, alone time can be one of the most underrated gifts that we give ourselves. It's a chance to pause, breathe and take a break from that constant buzz of life around us.
Speaker 1:Alone time can be refreshing, especially if you've had a hectic day or a week filled with lots of responsibilities, conversations and noise. It's that moment where you don't have to think about anyone else's needs or expectations. You can just focus on you. For some people, being alone is like plugging your phone in at the end of the day. It recharges your energy and helps you show up better for others later on. Introverts are often thought of as the ultimate champions of alone time. They generally feel more energized and comfortable in a quieter, low-key setting.
Speaker 1:Being around lots of people or being in highly stimulating environments can often drain them, even if they're having a good time. But it's not just about resting. It can also be empowering. When you're alone, you get to reconnect with yourself. You can reflect on your thoughts, feelings and goals without any distractions around you. It's where a lot of creativity and clarity comes from. Those aha moments often come when your mind is calm and you're free to wander.
Speaker 1:Being alone doesn't have to be some grand soul-searching experience. It's often found in the little everyday moments that bring you peace Enjoying a quiet night, when you're curled up on the couch binge-watching your favorite show, or lost in a book that you've been wanting to read. No interruptions, no agenda, just pure me time. Taking a walk in nature can work wonders the fresh air, the sound of the trees, the absence of small talk. It's like hitting a mental reset button. Journaling or meditating, sitting with your thoughts, whether you're writing them down or letting them pass, your meditation can help you check in with yourself. It's a way to process your emotions, set intentions or just clear your mind. The beauty of being alone is that it lets you prioritize your needs without guilt or pressure. It's not about avoiding people. It's about creating space to explore your thoughts, relax and rediscover what makes you tick. It's where you get to ask yourself what do I need right now, and actually give yourself the time to answer that question.
Speaker 1:Loneliness, on the other hand, is an emotional state, and it's all about feeling disconnected. You can be in a crowded room full of people laughing and chatting, yet still feel a deep sense of loneliness. Because loneliness isn't about being alone. It's about feeling unseen, unheard or unsupported. It's that hollow ache that creeps in when you're longing for connection, but you can't seem to find it. It doesn't matter if you're surrounded by family, friends or coworkers. If those relationships lack depth or meaning, loneliness can still take hold. And sometimes it's not even about other people. You can feel lonely when you're struggling to connect with yourself too.
Speaker 1:Loneliness feels so heavy because humans are wired for connection. It's not just something that we want, it's something that we need. Our brains and bodies are built to thrive in the presence of meaningful relationships. We crave bonds where we're truly seen, valued and understood. When those connections are missing, it's more than just disappointing. It can feel deeply isolating, almost like something is out of balance in your life. This instinct for connection goes way back For prehistoric humans. Social support wasn't just a nice bonus, it was a survival strategy. Living in groups was essential for hunting, gathering, raising children and staying safe from predators. A lone human in the wild had a slim chance of surviving. So being part of a connected group became a matter of life and death. That's why our need for belonging is so deeply ingrained. Even today, our nervous system responds to loneliness as if we're in danger. It releases stress hormones and signaling that something is wrong.
Speaker 1:What makes loneliness tricky is that it doesn't depend on your circumstances. You can feel lonely even when you're surrounded by people or everything in your life seems to be going well on the outside. For example, you might be at a party full of laughter and music, but feel disconnected and you're not emotionally in sync with the people around you. You could be in a long-term relationship, but feel lonely if there's a lack of meaningful communication or emotional connection. Even during joyful occasions like holidays or weddings, you might feel a pang of loneliness if you're missing someone or you don't feel truly included. That's because loneliness isn't about physical presence. It's about emotional connection. You can feel surrounded, yet unseen, or busy, but unfulfilled, and here's the part that we often overlook.
Speaker 1:Loneliness isn't always about other people. Sometimes it's about losing touch with yourself. Life can get so busy meeting deadlines, caring for others or maintaining appearances that you forget to check in with what you need when you're constantly giving and not pausing to recharge, you can start to feel disconnected from your own thoughts and feelings and desires. It's like you're running on autopilot, and that sense of disconnection can be just as isolating as feeling lonely in a crowd. The instinct for connection that kept our ancestors going is still alive and ticking in all of us today. That deep primal instinct to connect hasn't gone anywhere, even though the world around us has completely transformed.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to today, and the way that we connect has changed drastically. We've got technology, social media and a million ways to stay in touch without actually being in touch. But here's what's tricky While our methods of communication have evolved, the kinds of connections that fulfill us hasn't? We still crave relationships where we feel seen, valued and supported, whether that's with friends, family, a partner or even ourselves. And let's not even get started on how harsh people can be on social media, especially when anonymity is involved. We're often looking for support, connection or validation, but instead we find ourselves wading through a mess of negativity and toxic comments just to get to something meaningful. It can be exhausting and really disheartening.
Speaker 1:In today's fast-paced world, those meaningful connections can feel harder to come by. We're constantly multitasking, glued to our screens or chasing external goals like career success or personal milestones. We're busy doing things all the time, but how often do we stop to be with the people who matter the most, or with ourselves? And that's where loneliness sneaks in. It's not a sign that you're weak or doing something wrong. It's simply a signal from our body and mind saying hey, you need connection. You're wired for this. It's a reminder to hit pause and slow down and refocus on what really matters. Meaningful connection doesn't just mean spending time with others. It also includes connecting with yourself. How can you truly show up for the people in your life if you're running on empty or ignoring your own needs? Taking time to nurture your relationship with yourself is just as important as spending time with loved ones. Loneliness can show up in so many ways and often sneaks up when you least expect it.
Speaker 1:Holidays are supposed to be a season of joy, connection and warmth. Right, but let's be real. Sometimes they're anything but Sure. You might be surrounded by family, with food on the table, holiday music in the background and everyone smiling for the annual group photo, but inside, something might feel off. Maybe it's because you're missing someone who used to be there, a loved one who's passed away, or a friend who's drifted apart, or even a relationship that ended. All those absences feel amplified during the holidays. The empty seat at the table, the traditions that feel different without them, the memories of the past holidays that seem so much brighter in comparison it all adds up to a deep sense of longing. Or maybe you're there physically, but the emotional connection is lacking. The conversations feel shallow, like no one's really seeing you. You're laughing at jokes, passing around the mashed potatoes, posing for photos, but underneath it all there's this strange emptiness. It's like you're going through the motions, playing the role of holiday participant, but your heart isn't in it. And then there's another layer of holiday loneliness that doesn't always get talked about. What happens when you're not even in the room with family or friends?
Speaker 1:For some people, loneliness during the holidays comes from losing those connections entirely. Maybe you've moved far away or had a falling out, or maybe your loved ones simply are no longer around. The holidays can be brutal when you don't have anyone to spend with them. All the images of cozy family dinners and festive gatherings can feel like a reminder of what's missing, making that sense of isolation even heavier. You can even feel lonely when you're in a long-term relationship.
Speaker 1:Imagine you're sitting right next to someone that you care about your partner, a friend or a family member but it feels like there's this invisible wall between you. They're physically there, sharing the same space, but emotionally it's like they're miles away. You're talking, but it's all surface level stuff like what's for dinner or what time do the kids need to be picked up, or random small talk. There's no depth, no real connection and, honestly, that kind of loneliness can feel even worse than being completely alone. When you're physically with someone but feel emotionally disconnected, it creates this hollow space where connections should be. It's like looking at a photo of a meal when you're starving it's there but it's not nourishing you. You're in the same room, but there's no sense of closeness or being truly seen. This can happen in long-term relationships and marriages. You might share a life, a home or even kids, but if you're not regularly checking in with each other emotionally, that invisible wall can start to feel like a permanent fixture. It's not that the love isn't there, it's that life gets busy, routines take over and, before you know it, your relationship feels more like a partnership to keep things running than a deep emotional connection Between work, chores, errands and all the day-to-day chaos, it's easy to lose track of meaningful conversations.
Speaker 1:You're talking logistics, not feelings. Little things left unsaid can build up over time. Even if you're not actively arguing, unresolved feelings can create emotional distance. Loneliness hits hard, especially during the holidays or when you're in situations where connection feels out of reach, whether you're spending the season alone, feeling disconnected in your marriage, missing people that have drifted away, or just getting caught up in the comparison trap of social media. The good news you can work through it. You don't need to stay lonely if you don't want to. I'm going to give you some ideas to help you navigate the tough moments and start building a stronger sense of connection, both with others and with yourself.
Speaker 1:So what to do if you're alone during the holidays? Being alone during a time that's all about togetherness can be tough, but it doesn't have to be miserable. Try creating your own traditions. Who says that you can't celebrate solo? Make your favorite meal, watch a holiday movie marathon or treat yourself to something special. Reach out to someone. Loneliness loves to convince us that no one cares, but the chances are that someone in your circle does Send a text or give them a call. You can likely find someone at the other end of the line. Try giving back. Volunteering can be a powerful way to feel connected Helping others, whether it's at a shelter, food bank or just checking in on a neighbor. It can create a sense of purpose and community.
Speaker 1:What if you're feeling lonely in your marriage? Loneliness in a relationship can feel especially isolating because your partner is right there, but the emotional connection just isn't. Try starting the conversation. It's scary, but talking about it is the first step. Maybe let your partner know how you're feeling without any kind of blame. For example, I miss the way that we used to connect. Can we find some time just to be together and focus on small moments? Reconnection doesn't have to mean a huge date night. Start with little things like eating dinner together without phones, or try taking a walk and actually talking. Don't wait for them to start. Sometimes taking the first step, like giving a compliment or showing affection, can set the tone for rebuilding that bond.
Speaker 1:What if you've lost connection with people you love? Relationships change and sometimes we drift away from people who were once close to us. It happens, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Maybe try being the one to reach out. Send a simple message like hey, I've been thinking about you. How are you doing? It might feel awkward, but it could open a door to reconnecting. Acknowledge the distance. If someone is really important, it's okay to say I feel like we haven't talked much lately. I'd like to catch up. Honesty can go a long way with this. Be open to new connections. Sometimes we lose people and we don't get them back. It's hard, but it also creates space to meet new friends and deepen other relationships.
Speaker 1:What if social media is bringing you down? Social media has a way of making us feel like everyone else has a perfect life, and it can really mess with your head. Take a break, log off for a day, a week or however long you need. You'll be amazed how much better you feel when you're not constantly comparing yourself to highlight reels. Curate your feed, unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Follow people or pages that inspire you, make you laugh or feel uplifting. Focus on reality. Remember that people who seem happiest online are likely dealing with their own struggles too. Social media isn't the whole story. It's just the filtered version.
Speaker 1:Try reconnecting with yourself. Sometimes, loneliness is about more than other people. It's about losing touch with yourself. Spend time doing what you love, whether it's journaling, painting, working out or reading. Rediscovering your passions can help you feel whole again. Check in with your feelings, ask yourself what do I need right now and give yourself permission to honor that need. Practice gratitude.
Speaker 1:Loneliness can make us focus on what's missing, but taking time to appreciate the good in your life can shift your mindset. Loneliness is tough, but it's not permanent. Whether it's finding ways to connect with others, rebuilding relationships or connecting with yourself. There are some steps that you can take to feel more connected. Try reaching out to someone you trust, make time for deeper conversations or even just try spending the afternoon doing something that reconnects you with you, because, at the end of the day, what really fulfills us isn't the number of things that we've achieved or how many people we know. It's the depth and the quality of the relationships that we build, both with others and within ourselves. Start small and be kind to yourself, and remember that you're never truly alone in feeling this way.
Speaker 1:Before I wrap up the episode, I just want to let you know that I'm working on a small mini-series for the new year focusing on addictions. It's covering topics like addictions to food, drugs, alcohol and exploring the various programs available to help, and I'd love your input. If there's something specific that you'd like to hear about or questions you'd like to have answered, maybe personal stories that you'd like to share, please feel free to email me at codependentdoctor at gmailcom. Your insight and experience can make the series even more impactful, so I can't wait to hear from you. I wish you all a great week as you learn to foster a better relationship with the most important person in your life yourself. I'm going to be taking a break for the next couple of weeks, so I'm going to see you here in the new year, where I'll be starting the year off focusing on addictions. Take care for now year where I'll be starting the year off focusing on addictions. Take care for now.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace seeing your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week with another edition of the Codependent Doctor. We can do this together.