Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
Breaking Free from Addictions: Addictions Mini Series Episode 1
This episode is the first of a mini series I have created on addiction. It offers a deep and compassionate exploration of addiction, its roots, and the interconnection with codependency. The discussion highlights various forms of addiction, the impact of trauma, denial, and the importance of self-reflection and support in the recovery process.
• Exploring the complexities of addiction and codependency
• Addiction manifests in both substance and behavioral forms
• Trauma as a significant contributing factor to addiction
• The emotional toll and isolation caused by addiction
• Recognizing denial in addiction, both personally and among loved ones
• Reflections questions for self-assessment and understanding
• Highlighting the journey of recovery as a multi-faceted process
• Encouraging listeners to seek support and engage with their healing journey
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Today we're diving into a topic that hits close to home for so many of us addictions. This episode will kick off a mini-series where we'll explore the roots of addiction, how it affects our lives and the paths to recovery. I'm not just talking about addiction on its own. I'll be breaking down the different types, like substance addictions to alcohol or drugs, as well as behavioral addictions to things like food, gambling, shopping or even social media. I'll also dig into the connection to codependency and take a look at the different recovery programs out there. So let's dive in. Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome to the 29th episode of the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent. Today's the first episode of a mini-series that I've created focusing on addictions. The first episode of a mini-series that I've created focusing on addictions.
Speaker 1:Addictions affect so many people. In the US alone, about 15 million adults struggle with alcohol use disorder. That's roughly 1 in 17 adults. And that's just alcohol addictions. There are many other possible addictions that can impact your life, but it's not just the person who's addicted who's affected. The impact spreads to their families, workplaces and entire communities. While all addictions come with challenges, some can be more dangerous and damaging, making it even more important to understand and address them. If you're enjoying the podcast, I'd love it if you could take a minute to like, subscribe or leave a comment. It really helps other people who might need to find this show, and if you're not following me yet, then hit that follow button so you don't miss any future episodes. If you've got questions, feedback or ideas for the show, just shoot me an email at codependentdoctor at gmailcom. I'd really love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:Codependency and addiction often go hand in hand. It creates this toxic cycle that's tough to escape. When someone we care about is struggling with addiction, it's easy to slip into roles that feel like we're helping but we're actually enabling. We might cover for their mistakes, clean up their messes or put their needs ahead of our own, thinking that we're being supportive. Own thinking that we're being supportive, but in reality, this just fuels the addiction, while leaving us feel drained, resentful and disconnected from our own needs. On the other side, people dealing with addiction are often carrying heavy emotional baggage, like loneliness, shame or trauma. These feelings can push them towards codependent relationships where they rely on someone else to fix them or make them feel whole, and this creates a loop. The addicted person depends on the codependent for support and the codependent feels needed or in control, but neither person is truly healing and both end up stuck in unhealthy patterns.
Speaker 1:Traumatic paths often play a significant role in why people turn to addictions. Trauma, whether it's. Instead of facing them head-on, some people look for ways to numb the pain or to distract themselves, and that's where addiction steps in. Addictions, whether it's to substances like alcohol or drugs, or behaviors like gambling, overeating shopping or maybe mindlessly scrolling through social media, can act as a form of self-medication. They provide temporary relief. It's an escape from the relentless cycle of shame, fear, sadness or maybe even boredom In the moment, the high from that drink or drug, or the thrill of winning a bet or getting 100 likes on your most recent social media post. It can feel like the only way to silence those inner demons, or to validate your feelings or maybe just fill that void. But it's a trap. The relief is short-lived and the underlying issues are not going to go away. In fact, it often gets worse as the addiction takes hold.
Speaker 1:For those who also struggle with codependency, the situation can become even more complex. Past trauma can leave people feeling unworthy of love or fearful of abandonment, which it can often lead to codependent behaviors like people pleasing, overgiving or losing their identity in the relationship. When these patterns combine with addiction, it creates a perfect storm. The addiction serves as a way to numb feelings of inadequacy, while the codependent tendencies will drive them to seek validation through unhealthy relationships. Healing from the cycle means addressing both the trauma and the addiction. It involves digging to the root causes of the pain, often with the help of therapy or support groups, and learning healthier ways to cope. Recovery isn't just about quitting the addiction. It's about finding self-worth, learning to set boundaries and building a life that doesn't revolve around numbing the pain and you're truly addressing the problem.
Speaker 1:What is addiction? Addiction is when something starts to take control of your life, even when you know it's causing problems. It's not just about wanting something. It's about feeling like you need it to function, even if it's causing harm. Over time, that addiction takes over and starts to control your decisions, emotions and even your daily routine. You might wake up thinking about it, plan your day around it or feel anxious and irritable if you can't have it. What's so challenging is that the thing that you're addicted to often feels like it's helping you cope, whether it's easing stress, numbing pain or providing a sense of escape. And maybe it was helpful in the beginning. But in reality it's creating a cycle where you feel more dependent on it. Over time, the addiction becomes less about enjoyment and more about getting through the day or avoiding the discomfort of not having it.
Speaker 1:Addiction hijacks your brain and convinces you that you can't live without it. It literally changes the way that your brain works. When you use a substance or engage in addictive behavior, your brain gets a hit of dopamine, a hit of a chemical that makes you feel good. It's like your brain's reward system is saying yes, this is great, it feels great, I want to do it again. But here's the catch Over time, your brain starts to rely on that artificial dopamine rush instead of the natural feel-good moments from everyday life. Sometimes the hit comes from an alcoholic beverage, ingesting a drug, winning a jackpot or savoring a Big Mac. The more you use or do the thing, the less satisfying it becomes. Your brain adapts and says, hey, I need more of this to feel the same way that I did before. So you up the dose, spend more time doing it, take bigger risks to chase that high. Maybe you buy a second Big Mac or pair it with chips or watch that ad so you can play another mindless game on your phone. But the problem is, no matter how much you increase it, the reward never feels quite as good as it did at the beginning.
Speaker 1:People-pleasing can also feel like an addiction. You crave approval and it feels good when you get it. But over time it can take over your life. You might lose touch with your own needs, saying yes to things that you don't want to just to keep others happy. It can lead to unhealthy relationships where you attract people who take advantage or avoid setting boundaries out of fear or rejection. Emotionally, tying your self-worth to others' opinions is exhausting. No matter how much you do, it's never enough to leave you feeling fully validated. You work harder and harder to earn someone's love and attention.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, all the other stuff that used to bring you joy, like hanging out with your friends, accomplishing a goal, enjoying hobbies or even just relaxing it starts to feel dull. Listening to your spouse talk during dinner is a challenge, because all you want to do is turn on your computer and gamble just a little. Your brain doesn't respond to those simple joys like it used to, because it's laser focused on getting that next hit, the next drink, the next big win or the next compliment. Relationships can suffer because of this, responsibilities will get ignored and your world starts to shrink as the addiction takes center stage. In these situations, your brain is working against you. It's convincing you that you need this thing to feel okay, even when it's causing problems in your life. That's what makes addiction so hard to break. It's about rewiring your brain back to a healthier way of functioning, which takes time. It takes support and a lot of patience with yourself, but it's absolutely possible and so worth it to regain control and find that real joy again.
Speaker 1:Addiction isn't about willpower or making bad choices. It's more complicated than that. It's a mix of biology, psychology and environment all coming together, and some people are more at risk than others. For starters, genetics play a big role. If addiction runs in your family, you're more likely to have a higher risk yourself. It's not just about habits. It's in the way your brain processes things like stress or dopamine. Some people's brains might naturally produce less of that feel-good chemical, so they're more likely to seek out something that gives them that rush, whether it's alcohol, drugs or gambling or shopping. Then there's the psychological side of things.
Speaker 1:Trauma, especially in childhood, can set the stage for addictions. Growing up in a chaotic home or experiencing neglect or dealing with emotional wounds like shame or loss can leave people looking for a way to escape. For many, substances or addictive behaviors become a way to numb those feelings and cope with stress. And if you add mental health conditions like anxiety, depression or PTSD to the mix, it can make someone even more vulnerable. When life feels overwhelming, turning to something that offers temporary relief can feel like even more vulnerable. When life feels overwhelming, turning to something that offers temporary relief can feel like the only option. The environment matters too. If someone grows up in a household where addiction is normalized, or they're exposed to substances or addictive behaviors at a young age, it can shape how you view or engage with those things around you. Peer pressure, cultural norms and even just having easy access to substances can all increase the likelihood of addiction. It's not about weakness. It's about the influences and the pressures that a person faces.
Speaker 1:What's important to remember is that addiction isn't a moral failing. It's a condition, one that can happen to anyone, regardless of your background, and while it often carries a lot of shame and judgment, recovery is absolutely possible. With the right support, treatment and understanding, people can break free from the addiction and rebuild their lives. It's not easy, but it's worth it. You need to understand the mix of factors that lead to that addiction and that can help you approach it with compassion and open the door to healing.
Speaker 1:Hey there, I'm taking a quick break to share something that I think you'll love. I love to read, but, if I'm being honest, I love audiobooks even more, and since I often get asked for book recommendations on codependency and recovery, I decided to put together an easy-to-read PDF with some of my top picks. You can grab the reading list by clicking on the link in the show notes. Plus, when you sign up, you'll also get my newsletter, which is packed with valuable resources for your recovery journey. If you're not into the reading list but you still want the newsletter, then there's no problem. There's a link for that too. I hope you find some great reads in there. Now let's get back to the episode.
Speaker 1:Substances and behavioral addictions are similar in a lot of ways, but the main difference is what the person is addicted to. Substance addictions is tied to physical things like alcohol, drugs, nicotine or maybe even caffeine. These substances physically change the brain's chemistry, flooding it with feel-good chemicals like dopamine. Over time, your brain starts to rely on those substances just to feel normal, and you need more and more of a dose to get the same effect. If you stop using, you might experience withdrawal symptoms like nausea, shaking or intense cravings, which really makes it hard to quit. Behavioral addictions, on the other hand, don't involve a substance. Instead, they're about actions or habits that someone becomes hooked on, like gambling, gaming, shopping, overeating or even scrolling through social media. These behaviors still trigger the brain's reward system and it releases dopamine and creates a sense of pleasure or escape. Over time, a person can feel just as compelled to keep doing these things as someone with a substance addiction. The big difference is that behavioral addictions usually don't come with physical withdrawal symptoms, but people might still feel emotionally out of control, anxious, restless or even irritable when they can't engage in that behavior. What's wild is how similar the brain's response is in both of these cases. Whether it's a substance or a behavior, the brain craves that dopamine hit and it pushes you to keep going back for more, even when it's clearly causing you harm.
Speaker 1:Both types of addictions can take a serious toll on your relationships, your mental health, finances and even physical well-being. Substance addictions might seem more immediately dangerous because of the health risks and intense withdrawals, but behavioral addictions can be just as life-altering in their own way. Addictions don't just take a toll on your physical health. They can wreak havoc on your emotions and your relationships as well. When you're stuck in the cycle of addiction, your emotions often get completely hijacked. That quick fix that you turn to, whether it's a drink, a drug or a behavior like gambling or shopping it might feel like it's helping you in the moment. It can numb the pain or quiet the stress, or it gives you a temporary sense of escape that you're craving. But here's the thing it doesn't actually solve the problem and over time those emotional issues pile up. You might feel more anxious because you're constantly chasing that next high or more depressed, because you realize the addiction is pulling you away from the life that you want. On top of that, guilt and shame often sneak in and it makes you feel like you're trapped in a cycle that's impossible to break. It's exhausting emotionally, and it's one of the reasons that addictions is so hard to overcome.
Speaker 1:When it comes to relationships, addictions don't just affect you. It has a ripple effect on everyone around you. Whether you realize it or not. Your focus starts to shift towards the addiction, and that means that your relationships often take the back seat. Maybe you cancel your plans with friends or stop showing up at family events because you're too consumed by the addiction or you're just trying to hide it. Even when you're physically present, you might find yourself emotionally checked out, unable to fully engage with others. Your partner will likely feel like they're not a priority anymore. Over time, this creates distance and trust starts to erode. People who care about you might feel hurt or even betrayed, especially if they see the damage the addiction is causing, but feel helpless to do anything about it.
Speaker 1:The pain goes both ways. You might feel ashamed of how your behavior is impacting others, but you don't know how to fix it. Some relationships might even enable the addiction, even without meaning, to meeting too. Loved ones might step in to cover for you, whether it's by making excuses to others, taking on your responsibilities or avoiding tough conversations. They might think that they're helping, but this can actually make it easier for the addiction to continue. It can create a toxic dynamic where no one feels empowered to address the real issue and instead both parties are feeling stuck. This can be especially hard in codependent relationships, where one person's need to fix or rescue feeds into the other person's addiction.
Speaker 1:Addiction can also be incredibly isolating. You might start to pull away from friends or family, not because you don't care about them, but because you feel ashamed or guilty or just tired of all of their judgment or concern. The addiction becomes your main focus and everything else, your relationships, hobbies, even your own happiness. It can fade into the background. That isolation can make you feel like no one understands you, and it's easy to fall into the belief that you're better off dealing with it alone. But that only reinforces the addiction and it creates an even deeper sense of loneliness.
Speaker 1:Denial is a huge part of the addiction, and it doesn't just affect the person struggling. It can impact their loved ones too. For someone in the middle of an addiction, denial can feel like a safety net. They might tell themselves things like I've got it under control or I can stop anytime I want, or it's not hurting anyone else. It's a way to avoid facing the reality of the problem. Because, let's face it, admitting that there's an issue can be scary and it can be overwhelming. The idea of change or the thought of life without that substance or behavior can feel impossible. So denial becomes a shield to protect them from that discomfort. But denial isn't just about the person with the addiction. Loved ones can fall into denial as well. It's hard to admit that someone that you care about is struggling. You might excuse their behavior by thinking they're distressed right now or it's not that bad. Other people have worse problems. Sometimes it's easier to focus on the person's good qualities or the potential instead of addressing the addiction head on. This kind of denial, while understandable, can delay getting help and allow the problem to grow. So how can you recognize denial? For the person struggling it often shows up like playing down the problem.
Speaker 1:I only drink on weekends. It's not like I'm drinking every day, it's just a couple of beers after work. Everyone does it. You might blame others. If my job wasn't so stressful, I wouldn't need to drink. You nag me so much. No wonder I need to smoke weed to relax, focusing on functionality. I'm still showing up to work on time. It's not affecting my life. I pay my bills and take care of my kids. So what if I gamble a little? You might compare yourself to others. It's not like I'm shooting heroin or anything. At least I'm not as bad as my friend, neighbor or sibling. You might be defensive. Why are you always on my back about this? I'm fine, it's my life and it's not hurting anyone.
Speaker 1:If you're a loved one, it might look like excusing behavior. They've just been under a lot of stress lately. It'll get better. They only drink because they're going through a tough time right now. You might minimize the impact. It's not like they're completely out of control. They're just having a little fun. Everyone drinks a little too much now and then it's no big deal. You might avoid conflict. I don't want to bring it up because I don't want to upset them. It's easier to just let go than to have another argument about it. They might take on responsibility. I'll just pay their bills this one time so they can get back on their feet. I'll call their boss and say that they're sick. They just need a break. You might normalize the behavior. That's just how they are. They've always loved to party. It's no big deal. They're just blowing off some steam.
Speaker 1:Confronting denial, whether it's your own or someone else's it takes patience and compassion. You need to start by focusing on specific behaviors or situations instead of making general accusations. So, for example, instead of saying you're an addict, try something like. I noticed that you've been drinking more lately and it seems like it's affecting your mood. Is everything okay? This approach is less likely to make the person feel attacked and more likely to open up a conversation.
Speaker 1:One of the most important things that you need to realize, though, is that you can't force someone into recovery. It's something that they need to want to do for themselves. No matter how much you care about someone or how badly you want to help, the decision to seek help and to make changes has to come from them. Recovery is a personal journey, and it only works when someone is ready to take that step. Trying to push someone into recovery before they're ready can sometimes backfire, and it makes them feel defensive or resistant. Instead, it's about offering support and being patient and letting them know that help is there when they're ready to take it. Change can be really tough and it has to start with their own willingness to make it happen. It's not easy to wait, but recovery is so much more effective when the motivation comes from within.
Speaker 1:I wanted to talk a little bit about hitting rock bottom, because it's something that we often hear about when it comes to recovery, but it's different for everyone. It's such a personal experience. You might lose your job. Maybe you've been showing up late or missing deadlines or calling in sick too often. Now you're left dealing with the financial stress and emotional weight of that loss. Maybe your partner leaves you or a family member cuts ties because of the damage that your behavior has caused. Maybe your body has started showing the toll, like getting a serious diagnosis, heart problems or even waking up after an overdose or some other life-threatening event. It could be when you're crying in the shower and feeling completely hopeless or realizing that you're too tired to keep living the way that you are. It's that overwhelming sense of being stuck and not knowing how to move forward. You might hit rock bottom when you realize that you no longer enjoy the things that you had used to love. Life feels empty and you're just going through the motions without any real sense of connection or meaning.
Speaker 1:For me, hitting rock bottom wasn't some dramatic event. It was the moment I realized that I'd completely burnt out. I'd be sitting in my car in the parking lot crying, trying to convince myself to walk through the doors. At work, even getting out of bed felt like a monumental task, and I constantly wanted to call in sick just to avoid the day. It got so bad that I started having heart palpitations, and that's when I knew that something had to change. I had to figure out what was the cause of the problem and how to fix it. That's when I finally attended my first Codependents Anonymous meeting and I sobbed through the entire thing. But that was the moment I began to let it out and let it go. It was the start of my journey to understanding myself and finding a way forward.
Speaker 1:Rock bottom is the realization that something has to change. You can't keep living like this. Rock bottom isn't about how far you fall, because someone might always be worse off than you. It's about that moment when you decide that you can't keep going on like this and to start looking for a way up. Recovery can start at any point when you recognize that the way that things are isn't working for you anymore and that you deserve better. It's about that moment when you decide to stand back up and to take your first step forward. When you decide to stand back up and to take your first step forward, the good news is that recovery it offers a chance to turn things around and it is possible.
Speaker 1:Addressing the addiction isn't just about quitting the behavior or quitting the substance. It's about healing emotionally and rebuilding the relationships that matter to you the most. It's an opportunity to face those emotions that you've been numbing and learning healthier ways to cope with life's challenges. It's an opportunity to face those emotions that you've been numbing and learning healthier ways to cope with life's challenges. It's also a chance to repair trust and to reconnect with people who've been affected along the way. Recovery is really hard work. I'm not going to sugarcoat it but the payoff the feeling emotionally whole and rebuilding meaningful relationships it's worth every step of that journey.
Speaker 1:Over the next five weeks, I'm going to be diving into the world of addictions, exploring topics like 12-step recovery programs and alternative recovery programs. I'm going to look into Al-Anon and different supports for friends and families, and look at other co-occurring disorders that people with addictions might struggle with. Whether you're personally struggling with addiction or supporting someone who is, or just curious about these topics, this series is going to be for you To get the most out of it. I encourage you to start thinking about what you'd like to gain from this mini-series. What questions do you have about addictions? How could learning more about these topics help you or someone that you care about? Recovery is a journey, and understanding where you or your loved one is on that path is a great place to start. To help with this, I'm going to share a series of reflection questions to help you check in with yourself and to get a clear picture of where you're at. These questions can help you uncover how addictions might be impacting your life or the life of someone close to you, and guide you in taking those first steps towards healing. So let's get started on this journey and we can do this together.
Speaker 1:Here are some personal self-reflection questions on addiction. Do I find myself turning to a specific substance or behavior when I feel stressed, anxious or upset? Have I tried to cut back or quit before, but struggled to do so. Is this substance or behavior starting to interfere with my work, relationships or responsibilities? Do I spend more time thinking or engaging in this activity than I'd like to admit? How do I feel when I don't engage in this behavior or use this substance? Do you feel anxious, irritable or restless? Have loved ones expressed concern about my habits or have I tried to hide them from others? Do I feel like I need this to get through the day, relax or cope with life? Have I ever felt guilty, ashamed or defensive about my use of this substance or behavior? Guilty, ashamed or defensive about my use of this substance or behavior?
Speaker 1:Here are some reflection questions on a loved one's addictions. Have I noticed someone close to me relying on a substance or behavior in a way that seems unhealthy or out of control? Do they seem to prioritize this habit over their relationships, work or well-being? How has their addiction impacted me emotionally? Am I feeling stressed, resentful or overwhelmed? Am I making excuses for their behaviors or avoiding conversations about it? Have I tried to set boundaries with this person and how have they responded? Am I taking on responsibilities or covering for them because of their addiction?
Speaker 1:I wish you all a great week as you learn to foster a better relationship with the most important person in your life yourself. I'm going to meet you here next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor, when we're going to dive into the world of 12-step programs, exploring how they work and why they've been a cornerstone of recovery for decades. Take care for now. Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace seeing your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor. We can do this together.