Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
Understanding 12-Step Programs: A Roadmap to Recovery from Addiction
In this episode of The Codependent Doctor, I am excited to present part two of our miniseries on addictions, focusing specifically on the transformative power of 12-step programs. Whether you’re familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous or simply curious about the principles behind these programs, this episode is designed to provide valuable insights for everyone—whether you’re on your own recovery journey, supporting someone else, or just looking to learn more.
We begin by exploring the origins of 12-step programs, which date back to the 1930s with the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith. Their journey of mutual support laid the groundwork for a model that has since helped millions worldwide. At the heart of these programs are the 12 steps, a series of actions that guide individuals through understanding their problems, taking accountability, and finding healing.
I break down the first three steps, emphasizing the importance of surrender, hope, and trust. Step one involves admitting powerlessness over addiction and recognizing that life has become unmanageable. This step is often the hardest for many, as it requires a deep level of honesty and acceptance. Step two encourages individuals to believe in a power greater than themselves, fostering hope and openness to change. Step three is about making a conscious decision to turn one’s will and life over to this higher power, emphasizing the need to let go of control.
As we delve deeper into the steps, I discuss steps four through nine, which focus on accountability and making amends. These steps encourage self-reflection, vulnerability, and the willingness to take responsibility for past actions. I share personal anecdotes to illustrate the emotional challenges and profound growth that can come from this process.
The final steps—ten through twelve—center on spiritual growth and service. I highlight the importance of ongoing self-awareness, connecting with a higher power, and sharing one’s journey with others. The power of community and shared experiences in 12-step programs is a recurring theme, as it provides a supportive environment where individuals can feel understood and accepted.
Throughout the episode, I address common myths and misconceptions about 12-step programs, such as the belief that they require religious affiliation or that they are only for those with substance addictions. I emphasize that these programs
Subscribe to my newsletter for more information on when my new workbook, Enough As I Am, will be available on Amazon.
If you're interested in a list of books that I recommend to help you on your journey you can request it by clicking on the link in my show notes.
📘 Download my suggested reading list of codependency books Here
📰 Sign up for my newsletter Here
❤️ Are you codependent? Take a Codependency Quiz, https://thecodependentdoctor.com/quiz/
✨Please contact me for any questions, comments or ideas for future episodes at codependentdoctor@gmail.com
📺 YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@thecodependentdoctor
👀 Website: www.thecodependentdoctor.com
☀️ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drangeladowney/
🍒Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558437886042
🎵 Music: Touching the Air by Graceful Movement - https://www.premiumbeat.com/
Today, in part two of the Addictions miniseries, we're diving into something that's changed countless lives 12-step programs. Whether you've heard of them through Alcoholics Anonymous, know someone who swears by them, or just curious about what they're all about, this episode is for you. We're going to break down how they work, why they've been a game-changer for so many people and tackle some of the biggest questions and myths surrounding them. Whether you're on your own recovery journey, supporting someone else or just looking to learn more, then stick around. There's something here for everyone. Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome to the 30th episode of the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent. Today's episode is all about the 12-step programs. It's the second episode in my mini-series on addictions, so if you haven't checked out the first episode yet. I highly recommend giving episode 29 a listen after this one. It's a great introduction to understanding addictions and sets the stage for the series.
Speaker 1:12-step programs are all about finding support and structure to help people overcome addictions or other challenges in life. They actually started way back in the 1930s with Alcoholics Anonymous or AA, which you've probably heard of. It all began with two men, bill Wilson, who was a stockbroker, and Dr Bob Smith, who was a surgeon, and they were both struggling with alcoholism. They realized that by sharing their experiences and leaning on each other for support, they were better able to stay sober. That simple idea turned into programs that helped millions of people around the world. That simple idea turned into programs that help millions of people around the world.
Speaker 1:At the core of the 12-step programs are, well, the 12 steps. These are basically a series of actions that guide you through understanding your problem, taking accountability and finding ways to heal, whether that's by making amends to people that you've hurt or leaning on a higher power. However you choose to define a higher power, it's not about judgment or perfection. It's about progress and learning to live one day at a time. The 12-step model has grown way beyond just alcohol recovery. Now there are recovery groups for everything from narcotics and gambling to overeating and even codependency. No matter what someone's struggling with, the idea is the same. You don't have to go through this alone. Recovery is about showing up, being honest with yourself and finding strength in a community that truly gets it. The 12 Steps are the backbone of any 12-step program and they offer a roadmap for recovery. They're designed to guide people through understanding their addiction, taking responsibility for their actions and building a healthier, more fulfilling life. Keep in mind, this is just a simplified overview of the steps. When you actually go through the program, you're going to have a better chance to dive deeper into each step and to really personalize the journey.
Speaker 1:The first few steps are all about surrender. This means admitting that you have a problem and recognizing that you can't overcome it alone. For many, this is the hardest part Acknowledging that life has become unmanageable and being willing to ask for help. It's about letting go of the idea that you have to control everything and instead trusting in a process of recovery. Step one admit powerlessness over the addiction and that life has become unmanageable. The theme here is acceptance of the problem and the need for help. Step one is all about honesty, the kind of gut level honesty that can be uncomfortable, but it's absolutely necessary for change. This step asks you to admit that your addiction has taken control and that your life has become unmanageable because of it. It's not about labeling yourself as a failure or giving up. It's about acknowledging that whatever you've been doing to cope just isn't working anymore. Think about it like this Imagine you're trying to fix a leakly faucet, but no matter how much you tighten or adjust it, the water just keeps dripping, and now it's flooding your kitchen. Step one is that moment where you step back, take a deep breath and say, okay, I can't fix this on my own, I need a plumber, I need help. It's not about blaming yourself for the leak. It's about realizing that you need tools and support to stop it.
Speaker 1:Someone struggling with alcohol might come to terms with how drinking has affected their life. Maybe they've noticed that they're missing work, losing friends or getting into arguments that they don't even remember. They might have told themselves I can stop whenever I want, but deep down they know that it's not true. Step one is about finally saying this isn't something that I can control anymore and it's hurting me and the people around me. The key is letting go of the illusion of control. Addiction can make you feel like you're in charge, even when it's clearly running the show. Step one isn't about weakness, it's about strength. It takes courage to admit that you need help and to face the reality of the situation. By doing so, you're opening the door to change and setting the foundation for all the steps that follow. It's like saying I'm ready to stop fighting this alone, and that's a powerful first step.
Speaker 1:Step two believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. The theme is hope and openness to change. Step two is about finding hope and opening yourself up to the idea that you don't have to do this alone. It's recognizing that something bigger whether it's a higher power, a recovery community or the 12 steps can help you get back on track. Steps can help you get back on track. It's not about religion, unless that's your thing, but believing that change is possible and that you're not stuck forever. Think of it like asking for directions when you're lost. Step two is admitting that you need guidance, whether that's spiritual, the wisdom of a sponsor or the support of a group. For someone struggling with gambling, for example, it might mean realizing that quitting alone isn't working and being open to help. It's about trusting that things can get better and taking the first step towards peace and stability. This willingness to believe in change is the spark that leads to healing.
Speaker 1:Step three make a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of this higher power. As we understand it, the theme is trust and letting go of control. Step three is about trust and letting go of the need to control everything. It's deciding to hand over the reins to something bigger than yourself, whether that's a higher power, the recovery process or simply the idea that you don't have all the answers. It's saying I've been trying to do this my way and it's not working. I need help. This step isn't about giving up responsibility. It's about trusting the process and allowing guidance from something beyond your own willpower. For example, someone struggling with substance abuse might realize their promises to drink less or to stop tomorrow keep falling apart. Step three is their moment that they say I don't have to figure this out alone. It's not about instant peace or perfection. It's about being open to something new and letting yourself be supported. That willingness is the foundation for real change.
Speaker 1:Steps four to nine demonstrate accountability, which is a big theme in the middle steps. This is where you take a good, honest look at yourself, your behaviors and the impact that you've had on others. You'll also make a list of people that you've hurt and, when it's appropriate, you're going to take steps to make amends. It's not about beating yourself up. It's about owning your actions and working to heal relationships, including the one that you have with yourself. Step four make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The theme is self-reflection and honesty.
Speaker 1:Step four is about getting real with yourself, taking an honest look at your actions, patterns and the things holding you back. It's not about beating yourself up, but shining a light on what you've been avoiding so that you can let go of it and move forward. Think of it like cleaning out a cluttered closet you sort through the good, the bad and the unnecessary, keeping your strengths and tossing out resentments, fear or harmful behaviors. You might realize that anger or fear, failure have been driving unhealthy choices. Writing it all down can help you see things clearly and to start making changes. It's a powerful step because it lays the foundation for healing and growth. It's not easy, but by being honest with yourself, you're setting the stage for lasting change.
Speaker 1:I clearly remember doing step four. It was tough and I cried most days when I was working through it. It was hard to relive all the hurt that I had gone through and the feelings of shame for all the wrong things I had done. It was a process trying to figure out why I did some of the things I did, what drove me to do it, when someone hurt me, why did they do it and how did it affect my behavior in the future. It was challenging, but it was also very freeing.
Speaker 1:Step five admit to ourselves, to a higher power and to another person the exact nature of our wrongs. The theme here is vulnerability and honesty with others. Step five is about opening up and being vulnerable, not just with yourself, but with someone that you trust and, if it fits, a higher power. After the deep self-reflection in step four, this step takes it further by sharing your truths out loud. It can feel uncomfortable, but it's incredibly freeing. It's like lifting the weight that you've been carrying on your back for years Secrets and shame. They lose their power when they're brought into the open. Admitting to a sponsor or a trusted friend that your addictions led to lying or neglecting responsibilities might feel scary at first, but most of the time you'll find support, not judgment, and that's a powerful step towards healing. Step five isn't about being perfect. It's about breaking the isolation and letting someone else in. It's hard, but it's also a huge step towards letting go of shame and moving forward with honesty and courage.
Speaker 1:Step six become entirely ready to have our defects of character removed. The theme here is willingness to change. Step six is about being truly ready for change not just saying it, but being open to letting go of the habits and attitudes holding you back. It's about saying I'm ready to grow and move forward, even if you don't know exactly how yet. Think of it like cleaning out a garden. You've identified the weeds, the flaws, fears or bad habits, and now you're ready to pull them out and make space for better things to grow. Maybe you've realized anger or blame has been holding you back. Step six isn't about becoming perfect overnight. It's about willing to let go and trust the process. This step is going to take patience and humility. It's about acknowledging that you can't do it all on your own and being open to guidance from a higher power, a sponsor or the recovery process. That willingness is the first step towards real growth and a healthier future.
Speaker 1:Hey there, I'm taking a quick break to share something that I think you'll love. I love to read, but, if I'm being honest, I love audiobooks even more, and since I often get asked for book recommendations on codependency and recovery, I decided to put together an easy-to-read PDF with some of my top picks. You can grab the reading list by clicking on the link in the show notes. Plus, when you sign up, you'll also get my newsletter, which is packed with valuable resources for your recovery journey. If you're not into the reading list but you still want the newsletter, then there's no problem. There's a link for that too. I hope you find some great reads in there. Now let's get back to the episode.
Speaker 1:Step seven humbly ask a higher power to remove these shortcomings. The theme is humility and seeking growth. Step seven is about humility and asking for help to grow. It's recognizing that you can't fix everything on your own and being open to guidance, whether from a higher power, the recovery process or your support network. It's not about weakness. It's about trusting that true growth often requires support. In step six, you became ready to let go of harmful habits and now, in step seven you take action by asking for the strength to change. Maybe pride or fear has been holding you back. This step is about asking for courage to move past those barriers. The key is humility, acknowledging that you're human and willing to accept help to become your best self. It's about doing your part and trusting the process to guide you towards real change.
Speaker 1:Step eight make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends. The theme is responsibility and preparation for repair. Step eight is about taking responsibility for the harm you've caused, not beating yourself up. It's about making a list of people that you've hurt and being willing to make things right when the time comes. This step is a relationship inventory where you reflect on how your actions, like lying, neglecting friendships or lashing out, have impacted other people. For example, you might list a friend who lost trust in you because of a broken promise, or a family member hurt by your anger. The focus is on your part of the situation and not blaming others or telling them what they did wrong. This step helps you see the ripple effects of your actions and prepares you for healing, not just for the people that you've hurt, but also for yourself too. You're not making amends yet.
Speaker 1:That's step nine. For now, it's about acknowledging the harm and being willing to take responsibility. It's a powerful step towards rebuilding trust and moving from regret to accountability. The theme here is action and reconciliation. Step 9 is about putting Step 8 into action by making amends to those that you've hurt. It's more than saying I'm sorry. It's about taking responsibility and showing through your actions that you're committed to change. In some cases, making amends might mean paying back money that you owe, apologizing sincerely to someone or rebuilding trust by being reliable, but not all situations allow for direct amends. If reaching out would harm someone further, you can find other ways to make peace, like writing an unsent letter or doing something positive in their honor. The focus is on repairing damage while respecting others' well-being, even if forgiveness doesn't come. Taking this step is freeing and a powerful way to rebuild trust, repair relationships and move forward with integrity.
Speaker 1:When I got divorced, my father-in-law really struggled with my decision to leave his son. He was deeply hurt and it showed in ways that I hadn't expected. One day, when we saw each other and I said hello, he wouldn't reply. He just looked right past me. I felt like I no longer existed to him and it was really painful. We're all human and sometimes we act in ways that we're not proud of. He was a regular attendee of AA and was sober for over 40 years. A few years after our separation he was working through his steps again, as he did every couple of years, and while he was on step nine he sent me a letter acknowledging the shame that he felt about his behavior that day and how hurtful his behavior must have been for me. The relief when I read this letter was palpable. I was able to exhale again. That letter didn't just free me. It freed both of us from the pain that we'd been carrying with us.
Speaker 1:Admitting our mistakes is never easy. It's likely one of the hardest things that you're ever going to do, but it can have a profound impact on everyone involved. Because of that letter, we were able to heal and become friends again. My father-in-law has since passed away, but he left behind a legacy of healing and redemption. He wrote a book called Taking the Trip of a Lifetime A Journey Through the 12 Steps, by Anonymous Alcoholic. You can find it on Amazon and it's a worthwhile read if you're looking for guidance and recovery or making amends. Steps 10 to 12 focus on spiritual growth, though it's important to note that 12-step programs aren't tied to any specific religion. The idea is to connect with someone greater than yourself, whether that's a higher power, the universe, or even just the collective strength of your recovery group. This helps you find perspective, purpose and some strength as you move forward.
Speaker 1:Step 10, continue to take personal inventory and promptly admit when we are wrong. The theme here is ongoing self-awareness and accountability. Step 10 is like maintenance for your recovery. You've done a lot of work to get to this point and this step is about keeping that progress going by staying self-aware and accountable. It's a daily practice of checking in with yourself, recognizing when you've messed up and making it right quickly before things spiral. Think of it like tidying up your house Instead of letting things pile up until it's overwhelming. You deal with the issues as they come. For example, if you snap at a co-worker because you're stressed, step 10 means admitting it and apologizing right away instead of brushing it off or letting it fester. Or maybe you notice yourself slipping back into old habits like avoiding responsibilities or holding on to resentment. Step 10 is your reminder to pause, reflect and get back on track. This step isn't about being perfect. It's about progress. Life happens and mistakes are inevitable, but step 10 helps you deal with them in a healthy, honest way. By staying aware of your actions and making amends when needed, you're not only maintaining your recovery, but also continuing to grow and strengthen your relationships. It's like a daily reset button that keeps you moving forward.
Speaker 1:Step 11, seek, through prayer and meditation, to improve our connection with a higher power, seeking knowledge of their will for us and the power to carry it out. The theme is spiritual growth and mindfulness with your higher power or whatever gives you a sense of purpose and guidance through practices like prayer, meditation or quiet reflection. The idea here isn't about religion, unless that resonates with you. It's about taking time to listen, reflect and seek clarity in your life. Think of it as hitting the pause button during your busy day to check in with yourself and whatever gives you strength. For example, you might spend a few minutes in the morning meditating, asking for guidance, or just sitting quietly and reflecting on your intentions for the day, or maybe you pray, journal or even take a mindful walk outside. The practice doesn't have to look a certain way. It just needs to help you feel connected and focused.
Speaker 1:Step 12. Carry this message to others and practice these principles in all areas of your life. The theme is service, giving back and living. The program Step 12 is about paying it forward. You've worked hard to get where you are, and this step is about sharing what you've learned to help others. It's not just about talking the talk. It's about walking the walk and practicing what you've learned in all areas of your life. For example, you might mentor someone who's just starting the recovery journey or sharing your story to give them hope and guidance. Or maybe you volunteer in your community and you show up consistently for your family, or simply live in a way that reflects the principles of honesty, accountability and compassion that you've embraced.
Speaker 1:One of the biggest reasons 12-step programs work is the power of shared experiences. There's something incredibly comforting about sitting in a room or even a virtual meeting with people who truly get it. Everyone there has faced their own struggles with addictions and similar challenges, so you don't have to explain yourself or feel like you're being judged. When someone shares their story, you might think, wow, that's exactly how I feel, and that connection can be so healing. It's a reminder that you're not alone and that recovery is possible because you're surrounded by people living it.
Speaker 1:Another reason 12-step programs are effective is their structure. The 12 steps provide a clear and practical roadmap for growth. It's not just about stopping the addiction. It's about understanding why it happened and repairing the damage that it caused. It also helps build a healthier version of yourself. Each step builds on the last, so you're never left wondering what do I do next? The structure can be a lifesaver when everything else feels chaotic. And then there's the community itself. 12-step programs are all about creating a supportive, non-judgmental environment. No one's there to criticize or shame you. They're there to help you. Whether you're sharing a success or a setback, you're met with understanding and encouragement. That kind of support can make all the difference, especially when you're navigating the ups and downs of recovery. At the heart of it, the 12-step programs work because they combine connection, structure and support in a way that meets people where they are. They remind you that recovery is a journey that you don't have to take alone, and that kind of hope and guidance can be incredibly powerful.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of myths and misconceptions out there about 12-step programs, and they can make people a little hesitant to give them a try. The most common misconception is likely that you need to be religious to participate. You don't. While the steps mention a higher power, the program is about spirituality, not religion. Your higher power can be anything that gives you strength, whether that's the universe, nature, god, the group itself, the idea of hope or some magical creature that you made up. It's not about following a specific faith, but finding something greater than yourself to help guide your recovery. Many people personalize this aspect in a way that works for them, so don't let the word God in the steps scare you off.
Speaker 1:Another misconception is that the steps are rigid and judgmental. The steps are meant to be a guide, not a strict rule book. They're flexible enough to meet people where they are and no one's grading you on how well you're doing with them. Recovery is personal and everyone's journey looks different. The group isn't there to judge you. They're there to support you, whether you move through the steps really quickly or take your time. The focus is on progress, not perfection. This was the name of my codependency 12-step group. It was progress, not perfection, which is so fitting.
Speaker 1:The last misconception I wanted to discuss is that 12-step programs are only for people with substance addictions. This is a big one. While Alcoholics Anonymous started the 12-step model. It's been adapted for all kinds of struggles, including behavioral addictions like Overeaters Anonymous, gamblers Anonymous and Codependents Anonymous, also called CODA. If something in your life feels out of control and is negatively impacting you, there's probably a 12-step group for it. The program's principles like self-awareness, accountability and community support apply to a wide range of challenges, not just substance use.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, 12-step programs are all about offering support, hope and tools for change, without judgment or one-size-fits-all rules. They're open to anyone who's ready to make a change and willing to take the first step. But let's be real 12-step programs aren't for everyone, and that's okay. Some people don't connect with the approach and there are a few common reasons why. One big reason is the focus on spirituality, and there are a few common reasons why One big reason is the focus on spirituality, even though it's not about religion.
Speaker 1:The idea of a higher power can feel uncomfortable and off-putting for some people. If you're someone who doesn't vibe with that concept, it might make the program feel like it's not a good fit for you. Others might find the structure or the steps too rigid. While the program is flexible in practice, some people feel like the steps have a certain tone or approach that doesn't resonate with them, especially if they prefer a more individualized or science-based recovery method. There's also the focus on group dynamics. Some people thrive in the shared experience of meetings, but others might feel that the group setting is overwhelming and would prefer a more private way to work through the recovery. And let's face it, not everyone likes sharing their feelings in front of a room full of people. If the 12-step approach doesn't feel right for you, there are plenty of alternatives to explore.
Speaker 1:Next week, we're diving into the world of alternative recovery programs. There are so many other paths to healing. We'll explore programs like SMART Recovery, which focuses on self-empowerment and science-based tools, and Refuge Recovery, which blends mindfulness with Buddhist principles. We'll also touch on the role of therapy, whether one-on-one or group-based, and how it can offer a more personalized approach to recovery. At the end of the day, recovery isn't one-size-fits-all. What matters is finding a good method that resonates with you and gives you the tools and support that you need to heal. Whether it's a 12-step program or another approach, the goal is the same building a healthier, happier life.
Speaker 1:I wish you all a great week as you learn to foster a better relationship with the most important person in your life yourself. I will meet you here next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor, when I'll be exploring alternative recovery programs. Take care for now. Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace seeing your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor. We can do this together.