Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
36: Understanding Burnout: Recognizing the Signs and Taking Action
In this episode of The Codependent Doctor, I dive deep into the topic of burnout, a personal experience that has significantly shaped my life and career. Burnout is more than just feeling tired; it's a profound exhaustion that affects our body, mind, and emotions, often creeping up on us until we hit a breaking point. I share my own struggles with burnout, including moments of emotional outbursts and the toll it took on my health and relationships.
We explore the three key dimensions of burnout as defined by psychologist Christina Maslach: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment. I discuss how burnout manifests in various areas of life, from work to personal relationships, and the signs to look out for, including physical symptoms like chronic fatigue and emotional signs like irritability and detachment.
I emphasize the importance of recognizing burnout as a signal that something needs to change, rather than a personal failure. Recovery requires intentional steps, including prioritizing rest, setting boundaries, and building a support system. I encourage listeners to reflect on their own experiences with burnout and to consider what changes they can make to foster a healthier relationship with themselves.
As we wrap up, I provide reflection exercises to help you identify your energy drains and explore ways to reclaim joy in your life. Remember, self-care isn't selfish; it's essential for preventing burnout and nurturing your well-being. Join me next week as we discuss being stuck in victim mode. Thank you for listening, and take care!
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Have you ever felt so exhausted that even the simplest task feels impossible? Like no matter how much sleep you get, you wake up tired. Maybe you've started snapping at people, losing patience over little things or feeling numb, like you just don't care anymore. If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with burnout, and you're not alone. Burnout isn't just about being tired. It's a deep, overwhelming exhaustion that affects your body, mind and emotions. It sneaks up on you, slowly, making you believe that you can push through, until suddenly you can't. And the worst part is that many of us don't even realize that we're burnt out until we've hit a wall and we're completely unable to move forward anymore. Completely unable to move forward anymore. In this episode, we're breaking down what burnout really is, how to recognize it before it gets worse and, most importantly, how to recover. We'll talk about the sneaky ways that burnout shows up, how many of us struggle to slow down and what you can do to protect yourself from falling into the cycle again. So if you're feeling drained, overwhelmed or just done, this episode is for you. Let's talk about burnout, what happens and how we can start feeling like ourselves again. Let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome to the 36th episode of the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent. Today's episode we're going to be focusing on burnout. I can't believe that it's taken until episode 36 to finally talk about burnout.
Speaker 1:It was such a pivotal moment in my life and one that ultimately led to me finally addressing my codependency. I restructured my career and eventually created this podcast because of it. The truth is, I didn't even recognize that what I was experiencing was burnout until it was too late. My people-pleasing tendencies, inability to set boundaries and my low self-worth all played a role in pushing me past my limits. I was emotionally drained, constantly on edge, and my patience was razor thin. At the peak of my burnout, I did things that I am not proud of things that still make me cringe today. One day I walked out on a patient and slammed the door while I was swearing to myself. Another time, I outright told a patient that they were my worst patient and that seeing their name in my schedule made me want to call in sick that day. I hate that I said these things. This wasn't me, but burnout had stripped away my filter, my resilience and my ability to regulate my emotions. Physically, I was falling apart. I was undergoing IV treatments for six months and I still insisted on working because I felt guilty for not being there for my patients. In hindsight, I was burnt out even before I got sick. It's probably why I got sick in the first place. Before I got sick, it's probably why I got sick in the first place. I was exhausted beyond words, running on fumes with nothing left to give. My morning started with tears in the car. Before work, I cried in the shower, and at home I snapped at my kids, my partner and my pets. I wasn't myself. I wasn't okay, despite me telling people that I was fine at least 10 times a day.
Speaker 1:Burnout isn't just feeling tired or needing a break. If left unchecked, it can wreck your health, your relationships and your career. Studies have linked burnout to chronic illnesses like heart disease, anxiety, depression and an even higher risk of substance abuse or suicide. People lose their jobs over burnout. Some walk away from careers that they once loved. Marriages and friendships suffer and sometimes end. It's not something to take lightly. If you're feeling like I did, like you have nothing left to give, please take that seriously. Burnout doesn't just go away on its own. It needs attention, rest and real change.
Speaker 1:Burnout is more than just feeling stressed or overwhelmed. It's a state of complete mental, emotional and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, especially in situations where you feel overworked, undervalued or trapped situations where you feel overworked, undervalued or trapped. Unlike regular stress, which comes and goes, burnout lingers and worsens over time, making it harder to function normally. Think of stress like a pot of boiling water. With regular stress, you turn up the heat for a while, but then you lower it, or you take the pot off the stove. With burnout, the heat stays on high for so long that the water evaporates and then the pot starts to burn. That's what happens to you when you're running unempty. Regular stress comes and goes. You might have a tough day or a tough week, but with rest and a break you bounce back. Burnout is when stress sticks around for so long that it turns into exhaustion. You don't just need a weekend off. You feel like you need a whole new life.
Speaker 1:Christina Maslach is a psychologist known for her research on burnout. She's a professor at the University of California, berkeley, and the creator of the Maslach Burnout Inventory, mbi, which is one of the most widely used tools to measure burnout. Maslach's work has shaped how we understand burnout, especially in workplace settings. Her research has also been influential in shifting the focus from individual resilience to systemic issues like workplace culture, job demands and lack of support. Her research defines burnout as having three key dimensions One, emotional exhaustion. Two, depersonalization, and three, reduced personal accomplishment. So I want to explore each of these a little further.
Speaker 1:So the first one, emotional exhaustion, is at the core of burnout. It's when you feel mentally, emotionally and physically depleted to the point where you have nothing left to give. It's different from just being tired. This exhaustion doesn't just go away with a good night's sleep or a weekend off. You wake up exhausted even after a full night's rest. You feel constantly overwhelmed by small tasks that used to be easy and you have zero patience for things that normally wouldn't bother you. You're just going through the motions rather than actively participating in your life. Examples of these would be a nurse who used to enjoy patient care and now she dreads every shift and feels emotionally drained even after small interactions. A parent who used to be patient and now finds himself snapping at their kids for no reason, simply because they're too drained to manage their own emotions.
Speaker 1:The second one is depersonalization Becoming detached or indifferent towards work colleagues or responsibilities. Depersonalization happens when burnout numbs you emotionally. You start feeling detached, not just from your work, but sometimes from people that you care about. You might become cynical or indifferent or even resentful, almost like you're watching your life from outside rather than actually living it. You feel disconnected from your job, co-workers or even loved ones. You become sarcastic, cold or even emotionally shut down. You're thinking why should I even care? Examples would this be a therapist who used to deeply care about his patients now finds himself emotionally checked out and just wanting the session to end. A customer service worker who used to be polite now gives short, robotic responses, not even trying to engage with customers. Or maybe a caregiver who feels drained and resentful towards the person that they're helping, even when they love them.
Speaker 1:The third would be reduced personal accomplishment feeling ineffective or like nothing that you do matters. This is when burnout kills your sense of achievement and self-worth. Even if you're still working hard, you feel like you're failing, not making a difference or just not being good enough. No matter how much effort you put in, it never feels like enough. You doubt yourself and your abilities. Even if you're good at what you do, you feel like your work is meaningless and has no impact. You lose motivation and question if you should be continuing to do what you're doing. Examples would be a writer who used to be passionate about their work now stares at a blank page for hours, feeling like everything they write is just so terrible. Or a stay-at-home parent who used to enjoy taking care of their kids but now feels like they're stuck in an endless cycle of chores with no appreciation. Maybe an entrepreneur who no longer feels excited about their business because they believe that nothing they do moves the needle.
Speaker 1:Burnout can affect different areas of your life differently. At work, you might dread going in and feeling mentally checked out. Do the bare minimum just to get through the day, lose patience with co-workers, clients or customers If you're in a caregiving role, like parenting or taking care of an elderly parent, you might feel resentful towards the people that you're caring for. You might snap or lose patience more easily, feel like you're giving everything but no one notices or appreciates it. In relationships, you might feel emotionally disconnected from your partner, family or friends. Stop making an effort because you're too exhausted. Conversations feel draining and you just want to be left alone In personal projects or passions. Something that you once loved feels like a chore. Now you lose creativity or motivation. Even fun activities might feel like one more thing on your to-do list. Sometimes burnout creeps up on us so slowly that we don't even see it coming. It builds over time and because everyone else is busy with their own lives, they might not notice either. They may see you snapping or acting differently, but they brush it off and move on.
Speaker 1:Burnout is becoming more and more common as our society starts asking more and more from us. Let's say I asked you to lift a 10 kilogram weight. You'd probably manage without much effort. But what if I asked you to lift a 50 kilogram weight or 100 kilos? At some point you would reach your limit. You simply wouldn't be able to lift anymore because your muscles can't do it. Now imagine your brain instead of your muscles. Unlike your muscles, your brain, your imagination and your ability to handle stress doesn't have a clear, defined limit.
Speaker 1:When we take on more responsibilities and feel overwhelmed, we often push through those feelings until we're able to adjust to that level of work. Then we take on even more and it happens again. We struggle, but we adapt and we keep on piling more and more responsibilities. The amount of responsibility and mental energy that we can handle is almost limitless. Almost there is a limit and it is called burnout, but society encourages this. Employers expect more work for less pay. Parents and kids are pressured into endless extracurricular activities. Women are expected to work full-time and manage the majority of the household and child care duties, all while facing judgment from other mothers who seem to be doing it perfectly. It's a never-ending cycle, just like that frog in the pot of water. We keep adjusting. As the temperature rises, we don't notice how hot it's getting until it's too late, until we're completely burnt out. This is why checking in with yourself is so important. If you don't stop to ask how am I really feeling? You might not realize how much pressure you're under until you've hit your breaking point.
Speaker 1:Signs and symptoms of burnout. Burnout doesn't just affect your mood. It impacts your body, your emotions and behavior. So here's what you need to look for Some physical signs. Burnout isn't just in your head. It takes a toll on your body as well. When you're constantly stressed, your body stays in fight or flight mode, which can lead to chronic fatigue. You wake up tired no matter how much you sleep. Even small tasks feel like a huge effort. Headaches and muscle tension. Stress builds up in your body, causing frequent headaches. Might cause you neck pain or shoulder tightness. Might have sleeping problems. You either can't fall asleep because your mind won't shut off, or you sleep too much and still feel exhausted. It can weaken your immune system. You catch colds easily, you get sick often or you take longer to recover. Burnout wears down your immune system, making your body more vulnerable. You might have digestive issues like stomach aches, nausea or IBS, symptoms that can flare up due to chronic stress. There might be some emotional signs.
Speaker 1:Burnout messes with your emotions in ways that you might not expect. At first you might feel a little bit off, but over time you start feeling irritable and short-tempered. Things that normally wouldn't bother you suddenly set you off. You snap at co-workers, family and even strangers. You might become emotionally numb. You stop feeling excitement, joy or even sadness. It's like your emotions are on mute. There might be a lack of motivation. Tasks that once excited you now feel pointless. Even hobbies that you once loved don't bring you joy anymore. You might feel detached. You struggle to connect with people, even those that you care about. Conversations feel draining instead of enjoyable. There can also be some behavioral signs.
Speaker 1:Burnout can change your behavior, sometimes in ways that surprise you. Instead of dealing with stress in a healthy way, you might find yourself procrastinating more. You put off tasks until the last second, not because you're lazy, but because you just can't bring yourself to start them. You might withdraw from responsibilities. You start calling in sick, skipping social events or avoiding family and friends. You might start drinking more, overeating, overspending or binge-watching TV just to numb yourself. You might start neglecting self-care. You stop exercising, eating well or even doing basic things like showering, brushing your teeth or cleaning your space.
Speaker 1:Burnout doesn't just come out of nowhere. It builds up over time, usually because we're giving too much, getting too little support or stuck in stressful situations for too long. There are many areas of your life where you can find burnout. Work is one of the biggest causes of burnout, especially when the pressure is non-stop and you feel like you have no control. There's a high workload, there's too much to do, not enough time. You're constantly playing catch up and no matter how much you get done, there's always more. There's a lack of control. You feel like you have no say in your job, whether it's dealing with micromanagement, unrealistic expectations or a rigid schedule that doesn't work for you. You might have a toxic work environment, a demanding boss, negative co-workers or an office culture that celebrates hustle culture over mental health. You might have no work-life balance, feeling like you can't ever unplug, answering emails late at night or working weekends just to keep up.
Speaker 1:If you're caring for a loved one, whether it's a sick or elderly parent, a child with special needs or even just taking on too much responsibility at home, that can be emotionally and physically exhausting. More and more people are part of the sandwich generation, trying to juggle work, raising kids and caring for aging parents all at once. The weight of all of these responsibilities can become overwhelming really fast. You are often giving without receiving, constantly helping others but rarely getting the same care in return. You may not have much support. You feel like it's all on you and no one else is stepping in to help. You might feel guilty for needing a break. So even when you're exhausted, you feel like you can't stop because someone else is depending on you. You neglect yourself. You're so focused on others that your needs, sleep, social life, hobbies they all get pushed to the side. Over time, you feel resentful and drained, like you have nothing left to give.
Speaker 1:Burnout can happen in relationships as well, especially when you're giving too much without getting much in return. Maybe you're over giving, always the one listening, helping and fixing, but no one else is checking in on you. You feel responsible for someone else's happiness and well-being, even when it's draining you. You're so tired from managing someone else's emotions that you have nothing left for yourself, and no matter how much you do, it never seems to be enough.
Speaker 1:Burnout and codependency often go hand in hand. When you're a people pleaser, you naturally take on too much. Take on too much at work, in relationships and even in your daily life. You say yes when you want to say no. You overextend yourself to keep others happy and before you know it, you're running on empty, overfunctioning which is doing more than your fair share over functioning, which is doing more than your fair share, fixing problems that aren't yours and constantly managing other people's emotions it fast tracks you to burnout.
Speaker 1:One of the biggest struggles for codependence is setting boundaries. Saying no feels uncomfortable for us, maybe even selfish, so you keep pushing through exhaustion instead of protecting your time and your energy. But here's the truth. Burnout doesn't make you a better friend, partner or employee. It makes you resentful, drained and disconnected. Think of all those horrible things that I said to patients when I was burnt out. That didn't make me a better doctor. It didn't make me a better friend or a better parent to my kids. And the hard part is that even when you know that you need rest, guilt will creep in. You might feel lazy, like you're letting people down, but self-care isn't selfish, it's necessary. So learning to slow down, to set limits and prioritize yourself is the key to breaking the cycle of burnout and codependency.
Speaker 1:Burnout is not going to breaking the cycle of burnout and codependency. Burnout is not going to disappear on its own. It requires intentional recovery and long-term changes to prevent it from happening again. The first step is recognizing that burnout is a signal, not a failure. It's your body and mind telling you that something needs to change, and ignoring it or pushing through it is only going to make things worse. Recovery requires a slowdown. It requires you to prioritize rest and making conscious choices about where your energy goes. So step one is to prioritize rest and recovery.
Speaker 1:Burnout happens when you're running on empty for too long. So your first priority is to give yourself permission to rest, and that means real rest, not just zoning out in front of the tv while your mind races about what you should really be doing, but prioritize deep sleep, mindfulness and unplugging from work and responsibilities whenever possible. If, if burnout is severe, this might mean taking a leave from work or stepping back from responsibilities at home. If you don't prioritize rest, burnout is going to continue to escalate. It's going to affect your health, relationships and your performance at work. If you do commit to real recovery, you can reset your body and mind before burnout turns into long-term exhaustion or illness. Consider talking to a doctor or a therapist about taking an extended break if needed. Step away from non-essential responsibilities or lean on support systems, whether it's child care, respite for elderly parents or delicate tasks at work. Try to learn to unplug. Take real breaks from screens, emails and notifications. Episode 11 of the Codependent Doctor is a book review on the book Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshman, which I found really helpful for this.
Speaker 1:Step two is to re-evaluate your priorities and set boundaries. Burnout often comes from trying to do too much for too long, especially when we feel like we have to. The truth is not everything deserves your energy, so take a step back and ask what can I let go of? Where am I wasting my energy on things that don't truly matter? We're all juggling about 10 balls in the air at once, but some of those balls are made of glass and others are made of more concrete things that aren't going to break if they fall. So focus on what's important. Without setting boundaries, you stay stuck in the same cycle, feeling drained and overwhelmed. By setting clear limits, you're going to free up time and energy for what actually matters. So try saying no without guilt. Your energy is valuable. Now, this is easier said than done. Episode eight is on setting boundaries, and this might be able to help you say no without guilt.
Speaker 1:Try to delegate tasks at work and home instead of doing everything for yourself. If possible, work with your employer to maybe adjust your workload or explore some other flexible options. Identify energy leaks, unnecessary commitments, toxic relationships or habits that are draining you. Step three shift your mindset around productivity and rest. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied up in how much we do. This mindset makes burnout worse because it creates guilt around rest. The reality is, rest isn't a reward, it's a necessity. If you keep pushing yourself beyond your limits, you're going to experience chronic burnout, anxiety and even physical illness. If you embrace balance, you can work, care for others and rest without feeling constantly drained. So try reframing your thinking. Instead of I have to do everything, remind yourself I deserve to rest. Replace unhealthy coping mechanisms like overworking, numbing out with healthy stress management tools like exercise or deep breathing or hobbies that bring you joy. Accept that productivity culture is a trap. More work doesn't always mean better results.
Speaker 1:Step four build yourself a support system and ask for help. Burnout thrives in isolation. Many people are suffering in silence and they're afraid of being judged or as being seen as weak or as struggling. But asking for help is not a failure. It's actually a sign of strength, whether it's at work, in parenting or in caregiving. You don't have to do it alone If you try to handle everything alone, burnout is going to keep coming back. If you build yourself a support network, you create a sustainable way to manage your stress. Communicate your needs, whether that be at work, with family or in your relationships. Try seeking professional help if you need guidance in managing stress and mental health. Try surrounding yourself with people who support balance and not just hustle.
Speaker 1:Recovering from burnout and preventing it in the future requires intentional change. It's about stepping back, prioritizing what really matters and letting go of the pressures to do it all. Burnout isn't a personal weakness. It's a signal that something needs to change and you have the power to change it. So this brings us to the end of the episode today.
Speaker 1:Here are some reflection exercises for this week, if you would like to do some journal work. Describe a time when you felt completely drained. What were the warning signs and how did it affect your life? List your biggest energy drains. What can you do to let go or to delegate? Do you feel guilty for resting? How come? How can you give yourself permission to slow down? Where do you struggle to say no? Write a few boundary setting scripts that you can use. What activities did you used to like doing. What's one small way that you can bring one of those activities back this week.
Speaker 1:If you have a comment, I'd really appreciate it if you could like, subscribe and maybe leave a comment on the podcast. It really helps others who might benefit from the podcast to find it more easily. I've started a newsletter which is loaded with great information on codependency recovery, and I'm also on Blue Sky now under at drangeladowney. You can still find me on Facebook and Instagram, so let's connect. I wish you all a great week as you learn to foster a better relationship with the most important person in your life yourself.
Speaker 1:I'm going to meet you here next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor when I'm going to be talking about being stuck in victim mode. Take care for now. Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace seeing your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor, we can do this together.