Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
40: The Everyday Practice of Mental Wellness: Beyond Diagnosis
What does it really mean to take care of our mental health? Beyond diagnoses and therapy sessions lies the everyday work of nurturing our emotional well-being—a practice we often overlook until we're approaching burnout.
During Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to share some hard-won insights about what mental wellness actually looks like in our daily lives. Through a recent experience where my brain immediately jumped to worst-case scenarios about a simple meeting with my boss, I demonstrate how even when we're doing well, our mental health requires ongoing attention. That primitive "lizard brain" response doesn't disappear; we simply get better at recognizing and managing it before spiraling.
For those of us with codependent tendencies, this journey presents unique challenges. When you're accustomed to prioritizing everyone else's needs, simply asking yourself "what do I need today?" can feel foreign or selfish. Yet that question has transformed from feeling indulgent to essential in my own healing journey. Mental health isn't about fixing something broken—it's about consistent, compassionate self-care through small daily acts: saying no without over-explaining, allowing yourself to rest before exhaustion forces you to stop, or taking five minutes to breathe when overwhelmed.
The myth that strength means never needing support has caused untold damage. True strength lies in vulnerability—in acknowledging when you can't do it all alone. You don't need to wait for a crisis to deserve attention to your mental well-being. Like tending a garden, the small acts of care you provide yourself today create the foundation for resilience tomorrow. This Mental Health Awareness Month, I invite you to join me in normalizing everyday mental health practices. You are worth that care.
I am so excited to share my codependency recovery workbook with you. Click on the link to be brough to Enough As I Am on Amazon.
Today I'm sending you a special bonus episode to kick off May, which is Mental Health Awareness Month. Now, I know we hear the words mental health a lot, but we don't always talk about what it actually looks like in our day-to-day lives. It's not just about having a diagnosis like anxiety or depression. Mental health is about how we take care of ourselves, how we manage stress, how we set boundaries, how we rest and how we speak to ourselves when things get really hard. So this month I'm going to be releasing a few shorter episodes. These are going to be things that have made a difference in my life, and it might just make a difference in yours as well. Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent Dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners. I'm Dr Angela Downey, and today I'm sending you a special bonus episode because May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I think it's something that we don't talk about enough in a real everyday kind of way. I hope you're all doing really well.
Speaker 1:Well, and I'm going to start off by sharing something that went really well for me this week. So my boss came into the clinic earlier this week she doesn't normally come in and the day before she sent me a message saying that she wanted to talk with me and she confirmed that I was going to be there. And right away my lizard brain that most primitive and reactive part of my brain it totally flipped out. I immediately thought oh my gosh, I am totally getting fired. I had to stop myself, like consciously, stop my mind from spiraling. I had to remind myself that I'm happy with the way that things are going at the clinic right now. I'm doing really good work and if, for some reason, if what I'm doing isn't aligning with what the company wants and if I do get fired, then I'm going to find a solution for that, because there's always a solution. So I told myself that I shouldn't worry about this until I actually know what's going on and, as it turns out, it ended up being an amazing conversation. She told me that she loves having me at the clinic, and she even brought up my podcast and my book that's coming up. She said we should talk more about how we can incorporate all of that to help better support our patients who come through the doors. It was a really positive conversation and I am so glad that I didn't lose a night's sleep panicking over it.
Speaker 1:This is a really good reminder that, even when I'm feeling good day to day, my lizard brain it still kicks in from time to time, and when it does, I have to actively manage my thoughts and I need to catch myself before I spiral. I feel really good overall, but that doesn't mean that my mental health is going to take care of itself. It's something that I always need to stay aware of and it's something that I'm always needing to tend to, even on my good days. Usually, we only think about mental health when something's going really wrong, when we've hit a wall, when we've burnt out or when we get a diagnosis like anxiety or depression. But mental health is so much more than that. It's not just something that you think about when you're in crisis. It's how you treat yourself every day. It's how you listen to your body, how you speak to yourself when you're really struggling and how you move through the world.
Speaker 1:And that's why I wanted to do this episode because we need to normalize the idea that you don't have to be falling apart to take your mental health seriously. Sometimes it's just about learning how to live with more compassion and a little less pressure. We tend to think about mental health like a light switch right. Either you have a problem or you don't. But it's not that black and white. Mental health isn't just about whether or not you're diagnosed with something. It's about how you take care of your emotional well-being on a regular basis. It's the choices that you make in your day-to-day life, like how much rest do you allow yourself? How do you talk to yourself when you've made a mistake? Do you feel safe saying no, or do you panic and people-please your way through everything? And here's something that I want you to hear very clearly you don't need a diagnosis to deserve support. You don't have to hit rock bottom to start paying attention.
Speaker 1:Mental wellness isn't a checkbox. It's a practice. It's something that you tend to over time, and taking care of your mental health doesn't always look big and dramatic. Most of the time, it looks really simple. It looks like going to bed early instead of scrolling TikTok until 1am. It looks like saying no to plans because you're feeling tired, even if you feel a little guilty about it. It looks like letting yourself cry and not apologizing for it. Sometimes it looks like taking a walk, a deep breath, setting a boundary, or taking a nap.
Speaker 1:I used to push through everything until my body literally made me stop. I didn't think I had permission to rest until I had totally burnt out or was sick, and by the time I did stop, I was completely depleted. So here's what I've learned the hard way we shouldn't have to crash in order to care for ourselves. When we ignore mental health, it just slowly chips away at us. You start feeling tired all the time. You're snappy with your kids or your partner. You stop enjoying things that used to light you up, but instead of asking what's off here, we just keep pushing through or working a little harder at it. Especially if you're the one who's always showing up for others. You're the strong one, the helper, the one who over functions for everyone else. It can feel unnatural, even wrong sometimes, to pause and check in with yourself. I ignored the signs for way too long. I thought if I just worked harder, helped more, gave more, that it would make me feel better. And spoiler alert, it didn't. It felt worse and eventually I ended up so sick and burnt out and wondering how did I let it get this far?
Speaker 1:Now, if you're someone who struggles with codependency, like I have, you already know how emotionally exhausting it is. You're constantly tuned in to everyone else's needs, their moods, their reactions and your own needs. They slowly fall to the bottom of the list. Sometimes they don't even make the list at all, and part of the healing journey has been learning how to check in with myself. Not just what does everyone else need from me right now, but what do I need today? That question used to feel really selfish and now it feels like survival. I'm constantly checking in with myself. Sometimes the answer is journaling, sometimes it's a 10-minute walk by myself. Sometimes it's turning off my phone and taking a nap. Sometimes it's taking five minutes to go to the bathroom instead of holding it in all day. This isn't always glamorous, but it's what I need and I'm okay giving that to myself.
Speaker 1:Now I want to talk about a myth the myth that strong people don't need help. That if you need support you've somehow failed, that struggling means that you're not strong enough, but I want to flip that, because the truth is, strength is knowing when to ask for help. It's being able to say I can't do this all on my own. It's vulnerability, it's honesty, it's letting yourself be human. For me, therapy was really helpful. Journaling helped, talking openly about it with my friends, even if sometimes it felt a little awkward. It did help, though, and rest this is probably what helped me the most out of everything else.
Speaker 1:Mental health isn't about fixing yourself. You're not broken. You're already enough just as you are. It's about taking care of yourself. That's it. And no, you don't have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up and taking small steps every day, and for me, that looked like saying no without explaining myself. I actually find opportunities to practice this. Pressing that send button when I haven't written a thesis about why I can't attend my friend's dog's birthday party can cause me anxiety, but I press send anyway, and lo and behold, the world doesn't fall apart just because I didn't give a huge explanation, and sometimes it looks like me taking five minutes to breathe when I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I let things be good enough instead of aiming for perfection. These are all small things, but they've made a huge difference in how I feel day to day, and it's a daily reminder to keep working on myself, because these little tasks, they get easier and I can start working on tougher challenges as I get better at it.
Speaker 1:If you're listening to this and thinking, yep, I've been running on fumes, I want you to know that you're not alone. You don't have to wait until you crash to start caring about your mental health. You're allowed to slow down, you're allowed to rest, you're allowed to take care of yourself. So start small and start today, and remember that mental health isn't something that you fix and forget. It's something that you tend to like a garden, and the more that you care for it, the more that it grows, and you, my friend, are worth that care.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be trying to put out a few extra episodes in the next month for mental health awareness. I'm going to talk to you soon. Take care for now. Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace seeing your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor. We can do this together.