Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
42: Six Tiny Mindset Shifts That Changed My Mental Health
We often think mental health transformation requires dramatic life changes, but what if the most powerful shifts happen through tiny, consistent habits? That's exactly what I discovered through my own journey of healing from codependency and burnout.
In this intimate bonus episode for Mental Health Awareness Month, I share six small mindset shifts that fundamentally changed my relationship with myself and others. From learning to pause before automatically saying "yes" to embracing rest without guilt, these practices aren't revolutionary—they're accessible, everyday tools anyone can implement without feeling overwhelmed.
My journey began with noticing how harshly I spoke to myself—words I'd never direct at someone I loved. When my daughter pointed this out, it sparked a gradual transformation in my self-talk. Similarly, I had to slowly rewrite deep-seated negative beliefs about myself, not by forcing positivity but by finding authentic stepping stones toward self-acceptance. Even something as simple as noting one small moment of gratitude each day has softened how I experience difficult times.
Perhaps most powerful for someone with codependent tendencies was learning that boundaries don't need grand announcements—sometimes they're as quiet as not immediately responding to a message or leaving a gathering when your energy depletes. These small acts of self-protection have helped my nervous system finally exhale.
The beautiful thing about these practices is that you don't need to master them all at once. Mental health isn't about perfection; it's about showing up for yourself in real, everyday ways. If something here resonates, try incorporating just one tiny shift. Your healing journey doesn't need to be dramatic to be profound—sometimes it starts with just one small habit.
I am so excited to share my codependency recovery workbook with you. Click on the link to be brough to Enough As I Am on Amazon.
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm sharing something close to my heart the small habits that changed my mental health. Not the big dramatic transformations, just the tiny, quiet shifts that helped me feel more grounded and less overwhelmed, from pausing before saying yes to learning how to reset without guilt. These little changes made a big difference in my recovery from codependency and burnout. So join me for this bonus episode that's simple, relatable and full of gentle encouragements. You don't need to overhaul your life to start feeling better. Sometimes it starts with just one small habit. Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome to this special bonus episode of the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent. I'm popping in with a little bonus episode today, because May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I couldn't let that pass without saying something.
Speaker 1:Mental health is something that I care really deeply about, not just as a concept but as something that I've had to actively work on in my life. It's not always the big, dramatic changes that make the biggest difference. Sometimes it's those tiny little shifts, the small habits, the quiet things that don't seem like much in the moment, but slowly and over time they start to change everything. So today I want to share six tiny mindset shifts or habits that have made a huge difference in my own well-being. Nothing overwhelming, nothing complicated, just small things that have helped me feel more grounded, more at peace and a little bit more like myself. So the first one is pausing before saying yes. This one has seriously changed how I show up in my life.
Speaker 1:For the longest time I said yes automatically, before I even knew what I was being asked. I'd get a message or a request and my mouth would already be saying, sure, I can do that, before my brain or body even had a chance to catch up and realize what I was saying yes to. I was so eager to please others. I was like my little golden retriever, moxie, and bless her heart. She would do anything to please others and hopefully get rewarded for it. And if you're a people pleaser, you probably get this.
Speaker 1:There's this reflex, this need to avoid letting other people down, even at the expense of your own peace or your own energy. But now I've started building in a little pause, literally just a few seconds, to check in with my gut, and I ask myself do I actually want this? Do I have the energy to do this? Am I saying yes because I feel guilty or because I genuinely want to say yes? My body almost always gives me a clue as to what the answer should be. If I feel light and open, then that's probably a yes, but if my stomach churns or my chest gets tight or I feel really uneasy, then that needs to be a no for me, and I've realized that saying no more often has actually helped me show up better for the things that I do say yes to. I'm more present in those situations, more grounded and way less resentful. It's not about saying no to everything. It's about saying yes to what really feels right for me.
Speaker 1:The second habit is to talk to yourself like someone that you love. This is one that I didn't even realize I needed to work on until I started really listening to how I talk to myself. For years my internal dialogue was brutal. Things like why are you like this, or get it together already? And I said these things to myself constantly about work, parenting or just about life. And then one day my daughter said I don't like hearing you talk about yourself that way. Would you say that to someone that you love? And I just froze because the answer was no. I would never speak to a friend or someone that I cared about that way. So I started paying attention and when I caught myself being harsh, I paused and tried to reframe. Now I see things like it's okay, you're doing the best that you can, or that was hard and you're still showing up, you're learning and that's enough. I'm not pretending that everything's perfect or avoiding responsibility. I just don't believe in beating myself up as a motivator anymore, because if kindness works better on everyone else, maybe it's going to work better.
Speaker 1:The third habit is rewriting the way that you see yourself, not just physically, but the beliefs that we carry deep down about who we are, what we're worth and how we fit into the world. And I want to say up front that I didn't grow up with a super strong, unshakable sense of confidence. For a long time I held on to a lot of beliefs about myself that weren't very nice, or even true Beliefs like I'm not that pretty or other people are just naturally smarter than I am. I'll never be as capable or impressive as them. These weren't things that I said out loud, but they were running in the background of my brain all the time. And the worst part I thought they were facts. I treated them like they were gospel. I thought they were facts. I treated them like they were gospel.
Speaker 1:So when someone would say something nice like you're beautiful or you're so smart, I'd immediately feel uncomfortable. I'd want to deflect or downplay the comment or brush it off. I really struggled to say thank you for a compliment like that because it didn't match up with the story that I was telling myself for so long. After that conversation with my daughter, I realized that I needed to challenge that story. So, little by little, I started working on that and I didn't jump from I'm not pretty to I'm a goddess overnight. Trust me, I couldn't say I'm beautiful and actually believe it at first, so instead I would find a smaller step that felt more believable. First I'd say something neutral, like I look like a regular person. That felt true to me. It didn't trigger any kind of resistance. It was a good starting point. It was my starting point. Then I'd find one thing that I could appreciate about myself, like I have nice eyes, and that stuck because I really do like my eyes. So it wasn't hard for me to believe that.
Speaker 1:Eventually I moved on to something like some people might see me as beautiful and that's okay, even if I'm still working on believing it myself. And honestly, that felt huge because it meant that I was opening the door to self-acceptance, even if I wasn't quite there yet. I remember my partner once looking lovingly into my eyes and saying I love my average looking girlfriend and we just both burst out laughing because yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but we embraced it. That's where I was in my journey of self-acceptance and we made it part of the whole process. Eventually we graduated to Love my Girlfriend with Beautiful Eyes. It became something fun that we shared, but also something really meaningful. We had to work on it together for a long time and the key was this you don't move on to the next phase until you truly believe deep down in your bones the phase that you're in right now. And it probably sounded ridiculous if somebody overheard us and my partner saying that I was like a great, average looking girlfriend. Other people may have seen it as ridiculous, but I liked it because my partner was respecting that. That's where I was on the journey and it meant something to me because we were working on it together.
Speaker 1:That's how real change happens. It's a step-by-step process, belief by belief. That's what I've learned works best when you're shifting beliefs about yourself. You don't have to force a brand new story that feels fake. You can start with something neutral, then something gentle, then something more hopeful, until one day you hear yourself saying I'm beautiful and you actually mean it. So if you're in a place where the kind things that people say about you feel hard to believe, I get it. Try and start small, start with what you can believe and let that be enough for now, because rewriting the way that you see yourself doesn't happen all at once, but it does happen when you choose to stop repeating the old scripts and start creating new ones.
Speaker 1:My fourth habit was writing down one thing that I'm grateful for every day. I know we hear about gratitude everywhere, and at first it kind of rolled my eyes too, but then I actually tried it and I liked it like really liked it, not in a performative look at me journaling my blessings kind of way, but just as a quiet little check-in with myself every day. What's one small thing I can be grateful for today and I do mean really small. It could be your cup of coffee that turned out just right, or when you were taking your walk, the sun came out for 10 minutes and shone on your face, and that's it. No pressure to list five things or change my life in one sitting. It's all about giving my brain something good to hold on to, especially on the hard days when it wants to spiral into everything that's going wrong. Gratitude doesn't mean pretending everything is great. It just means making space to notice what's also true that not everything is terrible and over time it really has softened the way that I see the world.
Speaker 1:The fifth habit was to set a small boundary. Boundaries used to sound like this huge, scary thing to me, like I had to suddenly become a super assertive, tough love version of myself. I would feel like I'd have to read an entire book just to be able to figure out how to set one boundary. And if you're a chronic overgiver like myself, just the idea of disappointing someone can send me into a guilt spiral. But here's what I've learned Boundaries don't have to be big or harsh, they don't have to come with a big speech, they don't even have to be announced out loud. Sometimes setting a boundary is just choosing not to answer a message right away, or saying that doesn't work for me without offering a 10-point explanation, or choosing to leave a gathering early because your energy is low. I used to think that boundaries were about pushing people away, and now I understand that they're actually about staying close to myself. They help me protect my time, my energy and my peace so that when I do show up for people, I can show up from a place of authenticity and not burnout. And the more boundaries that I set, the more my nervous system seems to exhale.
Speaker 1:The sixth habit is taking breaks without guilt. Now I need to be honest with you. This one is still really hard for me Resting without guilt. I'm not quite there yet. I'm a recovering people pleaser and I've spent most of my life believing that rest had to be earned, that I could only take a break after I'd done everything on my list and, spoiler alert, the list never ends. Even when I physically slow down, my brain keeps going. You should be doing something. This is lazy. Other people are working harder than you. I've had to unlearn all of that, or at least try to, and I'm working on it every day, because when I wait until I'm completely burnt out to rest, it's already too late. I'm not just tired, I'm disconnected, irritable and anxious. Now I try to give myself these small breaks throughout the day, whether it be a five-minute walk, maybe just sitting in my chair and taking a deep breath, I might listen to a podcast with my tea and moments where I let myself just be. I'm not performing, not producing, I'm just existing, and I remind myself that I don't need to earn rest. I just need it because I'm human. So this is where I am now. I'm still working on it every day, but I'm better than I used to be, so I'm going to take that win.
Speaker 1:I hope these small mindset shifts, like pausing before saying yes, talk to yourself like someone you love rewriting how you see yourself, write down something that you're grateful for, setting tiny boundaries, taking guilt-free breaks. I hope this gave you something to think about, maybe even something to try and remember. You don't have to change your whole life overnight. Even just noticing these patterns can be a powerful first step. You're allowed to start small. You're allowed to be gentle with yourself.
Speaker 1:Mental health isn't about getting it perfect. It's about showing up for yourself in a real everyday way, and the fact that you're listening to this. That already counts. So thanks for hanging out with me today. I'm going to be back on Monday when I'm going to release my regular full episode, but until then, just take care of yourself. You're worth the effort. Take care for now. Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace seeing your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor. We can do this together.