Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
44: High-Functioning But Struggling: The Hidden Signs of Mental Burnout
Ever caught yourself saying "it's not that bad" when you're feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or simply not yourself? That seemingly innocent phrase carries enormous weight, subtly convincing us to minimize our struggles and postpone getting the support we truly need.
This Mental Health Awareness Month bonus episode tackles high-functioning distress—that space where you're managing responsibilities, showing up for others, and appearing put-together while feeling completely drained inside. Through personal stories and gentle insights, Dr. Angela Downey reveals how functioning doesn't equal thriving, and why waiting until we're at our breaking point to seek help robs us of preventative care that could change everything.
The episode explores why codependents, people pleasers, and overachievers are particularly susceptible to downplaying their mental health needs. Dr. Downey shares a powerful personal experience of receiving a spa day gift only to discover her nervous system had forgotten how to relax—a wake-up call that being "fine" on paper doesn't mean you're well. She challenges the false dichotomy that suggests we can't be both grateful and struggling simultaneously, offering a more compassionate framework for validating our experiences.
Most importantly, this episode reframes mental health support as preventative rather than reactive. Just as we wouldn't wait for a cavity before brushing our teeth or an engine failure before changing our oil, we shouldn't postpone mental healthcare until we're in crisis. Whether you're the family rock, the eternal caregiver, or the high-achieving perfectionist, you deserve support before everything crumbles. Small steps count—booking a therapy consult, admitting to a friend you're struggling, or simply acknowledging to yourself that you're not okay right now. Beca
I am so excited to share my codependency recovery workbook with you. Click on the link to be brough to Enough As I Am on Amazon.
Have you ever felt off, overwhelmed or exhausted but told yourself it's not that bad? That one little sentence seems harmless, but it has a way of making us minimize our pain and delay getting the support that we need. In this episode, I'm talking about high-functioning distress, what it looks like, why we downplay it and how you can start validating your mental health even when things don't seem that bad, because struggling silently still counts and you don't have to hit rock bottom before you deserve care. Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a weekly podcast focusing on all things codependency. Are you struggling to love yourself, feeling burnt out or having trouble forming loving and meaningful relationships? I can help you heal from the past and move forward with healthier selves, healthier relationships and healthier, more fulfilling lives. Join me as we reclaim your authentic self. I'm your host, a family doctor and fellow codependent, dr Angela Downey. We can do this together. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome back. I'm really glad to have you here to join me for this bonus episode of the Codependent Doctor for Mental Health Awareness Month. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent, on a mission to normalize getting the help before you hit rock bottom.
Speaker 1:Have you ever been in a situation where your mental health didn't feel great, but you told yourself it's not that bad? It's the sneaky little mindset that whispers in your head and it minimizes your struggles. That one sentence sounds harmless, but it can carry a lot. It shows up when we try to talk to ourselves out of our own pain. It might sound something like other people have it worse. I should be grateful. Or I'm still going to work and taking care of everything. I must be fine. Nothing huge has happened to me lately, so why am I feeling off? Comparing yourself to others is dangerous. It convinces us that if we're not totally falling apart, then we're not allowed to be struggling. But that's not true. You don't need to be in a full-on crisis mode for your feelings to matter. You don't have to be sobbing in the bathtub to deserve support. Struggling silently is still struggling. You can be functioning, productive, showing up, and still feel anxious, disconnected or completely drained on the inside. So if you ever thought other people have it worse, I want you to reframe that a little. You can say just because I'm not falling apart doesn't mean that I'm thriving. We've got to stop using rock bottom as the only measure of when it's okay to ask for help.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you a little quick story from my own life. This was a few years ago. I was a full-time student, raising kids, managing a household and very financially strapped. On paper, I was holding it all together and people were saying things like I don't know how you do it all or you are amazing for holding it all together. But the truth is I wasn't okay At some point.
Speaker 1:Someone gifted me a spa day Super kind, very generous and I remember walking in, putting on the robe, sitting in the lounge and within 15 minutes I didn't know what to do with myself. I moved chairs, I fidgeted, I went to the steam room, left after about five minutes. I got a tea that I didn't drink. I couldn't sit still. I didn't know how to relax, didn't know what to do. It was like my nervous system couldn't process the idea of rest. And that was such a big wake-up call for me because I realized even in a place that's designed for relaxation, my brain was still in survival mode. I thought I was fine because I was doing all the things like raising kids, studying, cooking meals, paying bills, but deep down I was also completely disconnected from myself. That spa visit made it clear being high functioning isn't the same as being well.
Speaker 1:So let's talk for a second to my fellow functional but exhausted friends. You're showing up, you're smiling, you're keeping it all together, but inside you're wiped. Maybe you're the caregiver and you hold space for everyone else, you're the rock in the family, but no one seems to ever check in with you. Or the people pleaser, strong for everyone else, but collapsing quietly when you're alone. Or maybe you're the overachiever, the one who doesn't rest until your body forces you to when you're sick. Or maybe you're the overachiever, the one who doesn't rest until your body forces you to when you're sick, dizzy or shut down. If that's you, I just want you to hear this. You don't have to earn support by falling apart. You're allowed to need help before everything crumbles.
Speaker 1:So why do we minimize our struggles? Honestly, it's because we're taught to. We were told to be grateful, to say at least I have a roof over my head. And yeah, gratitude is really important, but not when it's used to dismiss our real feelings. We were taught that therapy boundaries or asking for help were only acceptable in a crisis. If you were still functioning, then you must be okay right, still functioning, then you must be okay right, especially for those of us who are codependent or people pleasers. We grew up learning that our needs didn't matter unless they served everyone else. So, of course, when we're tired or overwhelmed or sad, we think it's not worth bringing it up or it's not that bad. But let me say this clearly you can be grateful and still be struggling. You can have good things and still feel overwhelmed. It's not either or we need to stop pretending that gratitude cancels out pain. We need to stop waiting for total collapse before we believe that we're allowed to take a break.
Speaker 1:And while we're at it, let's normalize getting support early. Things like therapy, journaling, boundaries, rest. They aren't just for breakdowns. They're tools for maintenance, for maintaining good mental health long term. We take care of our teeth before they rot. We change the oil in our cars before the engine dies. So why do we treat our mental health like it doesn't need care until everything's on fire? Support works best before burnout, before the tears, before the shutdown. Support is smart, it's not selfish.
Speaker 1:Maybe you're journaling to process your emotions that's care. If you're setting a boundary to protect your peace, that's care. And if you're resting even when there's more to do. That's also self-care. We don't have to crash to justify taking care of ourselves, and it doesn't have to be something big either. So I'm going to wrap this up with a gentle reminder that you don't need to be drowning to ask for a life raft. You're allowed to take small steps. Today. That might mean booking a therapy consult or maybe texting a friend and saying, hey, I'm not doing so great. Or setting a small boundary, like skipping a plan that you're too tired to attend. Maybe it's just admitting to yourself that you're not doing okay right now. That counts, that matters, and it's enough.
Speaker 1:Healing doesn't always have to start with a breakdown. Sometimes it starts with a little whisper, a quiet moment of honesty and a tiny act of self-respect. You don't have to fall apart to be worthy of care. You're allowed to get support exactly as you are now. Thanks for being here with me. I'm still going to have my regular episodes coming out every Monday, so I'm going to talk to you soon and I will be back next week for another bonus episode. Take care for now. Thank you for joining me and I hope today's podcast resonated with you. Click, like and subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes and to help others who might benefit. This podcast is not meant to provide medical advice and should not replace your doctor for mental health concerns. If you're having a mental health crisis, please present to a hospital, call 911 or your local crisis helpline. I'll talk to you next week for another episode of the Codependent Doctor. We can do this together.