Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
46: Five Truths I Wish Everyone Knew About Maintaining Good Mental Health
In this bonus episode for Mental Health Awareness Month, Dr. Angela Downey shares five powerful mindset shifts that challenge how we think about healing and self-care:
- Healing isn’t linear — Growth often looks messy, not perfect.
- You can struggle and still be strong — Vulnerability is courage, not weakness.
- Feeling your feelings isn’t weakness — Emotions are messengers, not problems to fix.
- Rest is productive — You don’t need to earn your downtime.
- Boundaries protect your peace — Limits aren’t selfish, they’re essential.
This episode is for anyone navigating burnout, people-pleasing, codependency, or just feeling overwhelmed by mental health advice that doesn’t reflect real life.
I am so excited to share my codependency recovery workbook with you. Click on the link to be brough to Enough As I Am on Amazon.
Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners and welcome to this special bonus episode of the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent who's here to walk alongside you on the road to healing. One honest conversation at a time. Since it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I've been sharing some bonus episodes that dive a little deeper into what mental health really looks like, beyond the diagnoses and the labels. Today's episode is called 5 Truths.
Speaker 1:I Wish Everyone Knew About Mental Health and, honestly, these are things that I wish someone had told me years ago, because mental health isn't just about falling apart. It's about how we treat ourselves on the regular, how we show up for ourselves, how we rest, recover, grow and rebuild. So let's get into it, and if you hear something today that hits home, I hope that it reminds you that you're not alone, you're not broken and you're probably doing better than you think. So here are the five truths. Truth number one healing isn't linear. It's not this neat linear upward slope where every day gets a little better than the last. I used to think that once I had everything figured out, that I would stop feeling anxious, that I would stop falling into my old patterns and I'd stop having bad days. But the truth is that healing looks more like a spiral. You circle around the same themes over and over, but each time you come back with a little more insight, a little bit more self-compassion and a little bit more strength. And some days you're thriving, you're setting boundaries, regulating emotions and feeling good all around. But other days, sometimes, you might feel like you're barely holding it all together and you say yes when you mean to say no and you spiral over something small. Maybe you cry over something that you thought that you were past, but that doesn't mean that you failed. It doesn't erase any of the progress that you've made Setbacks. They're not proof that you're broken. They're just part of the process and growth. It's not always visible. Sometimes it might look like resting when you're tired, instead of pushing through or choosing not to respond in the heat of the moment, letting yourself cry without judging yourself. Maybe you say that I need help, even if it feels a little bit uncomfortable, and these things might not look like milestones from the outside, but they're actually quite big. They're huge, especially if you're taught to ignore your needs or hold it all together all the time.
Speaker 1:Healing doesn't also happen on anyone else's timeline. You don't have to be over it by now. You're allowed to still be working through things that happened years ago. You're allowed to need reminders and to be a work in progress. So if today feels messy or if you feel like you've fallen back into some old patterns. So if today feels messy or if you feel like you've fallen back into some old patterns, then try not to shame yourself. You're not back at square one. You're just in the middle of the spiral and each time that you come back around again, you're not going to be that same person, because, no matter what, you have learned something and you've grown, and that counts, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. So please be kind to yourself and take your time. You're allowed to heal, and perfectly, and you're allowed to be proud of yourself, not just when things are going well, but when you keep showing up over and over, even on those hard days. So no, healing is definitely not linear, but it's happening and you're doing better than you think.
Speaker 1:Truth number two you can struggle and still be strong. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us picked up this idea that strength means holding it all together, being the one who's calm or capable or composed, no matter what's going on on the inside. And if you're having a hard day, that must mean that you're failing somehow. But that's just not true. Having a tough time doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. We're all going through this at the same time and I'll be real with you.
Speaker 1:This is something that I still struggle with. I have a really hard time asking for help, and I'm not great at delegating any of my tasks. It always feels easier for me to just do it by myself, even when I'm exhausted, because the idea of leaning on someone else it feels foreign to me. I'm used to being that rock for people, and when I do get help, I feel more comfortable paying someone, like maybe a therapist or a cleaning lady, than asking friends to step in without me paying them anything, because deep down, there's still this old belief that people only help if there's an obligation. So I'm still working on trusting that people might just want to show up for me simply because they care. And if that's you too, then please know that you're not alone.
Speaker 1:Strength isn't about pretending that everything is fine when it's not. It's about being honest and it's saying I'm having a rough time and I still show up for myself. Or maybe it's choosing not to show up to that event and giving yourself some time to rest instead. That's strong too, and I used to think that asking for help meant that I wasn't trying hard enough and that I should try fixing things on my own. But now I'm trying to believe that asking for help is one of the bravest things that I can do. But these things take time and I need to continue working on this, because being vulnerable is not the only way to get through it. That takes a lot of courage, and sometimes we just need to muster that up. Saying I can't do this alone takes way more guts than silently powering through. And yet we still hold ourselves to these impossible standards, like we're only allowed to feel proud when we're crushing it or thriving or ticking all of those boxes. But some of the strongest people that I know are the ones who are quietly fighting inner battles. People that I know are the ones who are quietly fighting inner battles. They have anxiety or grief or burnout or heartbreak, and they still choose to show up with kindness and they're still choosing to keep going.
Speaker 1:You don't lose your strength on the days that you cry in your car or cancel plans because your nervous system says not today, or admit out loud that you're not okay. Your strength is in your honesty. It's in your resilience and your softness in the face of any struggle. So if you're feeling overwhelmed or a little off track, then don't take that as a reflection of your worth. You're still strong and you're still growing. You're still going to do your best, even if your best looks different today than it did yesterday. So let yourself be a little messy and let yourself feel and let yourself be real. You can struggle and still be strong. In fact, you already are strong and you always will be.
Speaker 1:Truth number three feeling your feelings isn't weakness. A lot of us were taught that emotions were a problem, something to manage or suppress or get over. Maybe you were told not to cry. Maybe you were called dramatic for being sensitive. Maybe you just picked up on the unspoken rule that emotions make people feel uncomfortable, so it's better just to shut them down. But I'm here to tell you that our feelings are not flaws. They're information. Feelings are just messages from your inner world trying to get your attention.
Speaker 1:When you're sad, it usually means that something mattered to you. When you're angry, it means that a boundary might have been crossed. When you're anxious, something in you might feel unsafe or uncertain. The problem isn't the feeling. The problem is that we never give ourselves permission to feel the feeling, and I get it. It's not always easy, especially if you've spent most of your life holding it all together or keeping the peace. You might think if I open that door, I won't be able to close it ever again. But feelings, they don't go away just because you chose to ignore them. They just build up and eventually morph into burnout and resentment and anxiety or physical symptoms.
Speaker 1:Suppressing emotions might work short term, but long term they numb you Not just to the hard stuff that you don't want to face, but also to the good stuff in life too. So crying, grieving, getting angry, feeling joy these aren't signs of weakness, they're just signs of life. Feeling deeply doesn't make you dramatic. It makes you connected, and it's through that connection and that honesty that we actually start to heal. So the next time you feel something rise up whether it be sadness, grief, anger or joy try this. Instead of fixing it, let it move through you and name it, breathe it in and ask what it's trying to say. Because when you allow yourself to feel, you give yourself the space to grow. And just in case no one ever told you this, you're allowed to cry, you're allowed to be sensitive and you're allowed to feel everything without apology. There's nothing.
Speaker 1:The fourth truth is rest is productive. This is something that I think we all intellectually know, but emotionally we still struggle to believe it. Rest is not lazy. It's necessary. We all need it. We live in a world that glorifies hustle culture, where productivity is praised and burnout is almost worn like a badge of honor. You hear things like sleep is for the weak, or I've been working non-stop and somehow that's supposed to be impressive, but the truth is that you don't have to earn your rest by running yourself into the ground first. Rest. It's not a reward, it's just part of being human.
Speaker 1:Every living being needs rest, and you're no exception. You need breaks, not because you're weak or falling behind, but because your nervous system isn't built to go 24-7. Just like your phone needs recharging, so do you, and I get it. If you're someone who tends to overgive or maybe you've been praised your whole life for being the reliable one it can feel uncomfortable to stop and to pause. I still catch myself thinking I haven't done enough today to take a break. But that's just some old belief talking, and it's hard for me to believe that sometimes my worth has nothing to do with my output.
Speaker 1:And when you rest, even if it's just for five minutes, you're giving your body and your mind a chance to reset your stress levels. They're going to drop. Your creativity comes back online. You're probably going to be more present and more grounded and more capable of showing up for yourself and for others. And the key here is resting before you're completely exhausted. Don't wait to burn out before you make a decision for yourself to rest. Rest is self-respect. In action. It's saying I matter and my body matters, and so does my energy. So if you need me to write you a prescription here, it is 15 minutes of rest three times a day, as needed. You're allowed to take a nap, cancel your plan or say not right now, or do absolutely nothing without guilt, because you're more than what you produce, and taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's how you stay whole. Truth number five boundaries protect your peace.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about boundaries a little bit. This is a word that can make some people feel really empowered, but others are going to instantly feel really uncomfortable, like probably myself. I used to think that setting boundaries meant that I was being mean, like saying no to someone made me less loving and less available. But over time I'm starting to realize that boundaries aren't about rejection. They're actually about respecting myself and my energy, and it's not just for other people but it's for myself.
Speaker 1:Boundaries aren't walls that are meant to keep people out. They're just guidelines for how you want to be treated, and when you set a boundary, you're basically saying that I matter too. Imagine you've got this beautiful garden in your front yard and you don't want people stepping over all your expensive flowers. Setting a boundary is like putting in a sidewalk If you want to come to me, then the sidewalk is the best way of getting there. And if you refuse to use the sidewalk and you're going to continue trampling over all my magnolias, I'm probably going to get really upset and I'm going to resent you and you're going to look like a jerk and eventually I'm probably going to stop inviting you over.
Speaker 1:So boundaries are just guidelines that you set for other people so they know the best way to interact with you. They're there to protect your energy, your mental space, your emotional capacity. And when you don't set them, you end up over committed or overstimulated and overwhelmed. And when you don't set them, you end up overcommitted or overstimulated and overwhelmed. And that's when resentment keeps in, not because you're doing too much, but because you're doing things that go against your own needs. And if you've ever said yes while screaming no on the inside, you know exactly what I mean.
Speaker 1:One thing I've had to learn and honestly I'm still learning is that you can love someone deeply and still say this doesn't work for me. You can set a boundary and still be kind. You can care about people without constantly self-sacrificing to keep the peace, and, in fact, boundaries are what allows you to stay connected without burning out. They're how you sustain relationships, not destroy them. And yeah, it might feel awkward at first, especially if you're used to people-pleasing or always being the reliable one, but trust me, the discomfort of setting a boundary is nothing compared to the exhaustion of living without them. So if this is resonating, then try this. Start small Practice, saying I'm not available for that or I need some time to think about it. Give yourself permission to pause before automatically saying yes, and if you need a reminder, this is it.
Speaker 1:Boundaries don't make you selfish. They make you sustainable. They don't push people away. They help you stay present without resentment, and they don't mean that you love people any less. They just mean that you're finally starting to love yourself too, and that's the kind of peace that you absolutely deserve.
Speaker 1:And that wraps up my little bonus episode from Mental Health Awareness Month. I really hope that these little check-ins have helped you feel seen, supported and maybe even give you a few tools that you can take into your own healing journey. Just a reminder I'll still be here with regular weekly episodes that are launched on Mondays, diving into all things mental health and codependency. And if you're wanting more information on anything I talked about in these bonus episodes from boundaries to burnout to people pleasing and beyond feel free to browse through my podcast library. You're going to find a lot of episodes there that go much deeper into all of it. You can find these on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you like to listen to your podcast. Thank you for being here with me today. Take care of your mind, be gentle with your heart, and I'm going to see you back here next week. Take care for now. You've got this.