Codependent Doctor
Podcast focusing on codependency. Learning how to create healthier relationships, healthier self and healthier lives.
Codependent Doctor
62: Rewriting Limiting Beliefs: Kelly Parker on Breaking Free from Old Scripts
In this episode, I sit down with speaker and coach Kelly Parker to talk about what it really means to break the script — those old stories and childhood beliefs that quietly shape how we show up in life, work, and relationships. Kelly shares how to recognize limiting beliefs, where they come from, and practical ways to rewrite them so you can live more authentically and confidently. If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or feeling “not enough,” this conversation will help you start reclaiming your voice and your worth.
Connect with Kelly Parker:
🌿 Free resource: Unscripted: A Reflective Roadmap to Reclaim Your Voice, Your Vision, and Your Worth
💬 Facebook Group: @Kellypassionandpurpose
📸 Instagram: @passiontoprofitplan
This episode includes a paid partnership with BetterHelp. Click this link, betterhelp.com/drdowney, to get 10% off your first month.
📗 My Books: Enough as I Am (codependency recovery) Enough as I Grow (365 day guide journal). Affiliate disclosure: I am an affiliate parner with Amazon and therefore receive a commission at no cost to you.
📰 Sign up for my Newsletter
🛜 My Website DrAngelaDowney
Email: codependentdoctor@gmail.com
Social Media links: Here
🎵 Music: Touching The Air by Graceful Movement
Today we're going to be diving into something that hits close to home for many of us. These scripts that we keep following without even realizing it. You know those unspoken rules and beliefs from childhood that quietly shape how we show up in relationships, in our careers, and even how we see ourselves? In this conversation with Kelly Parker, we're going to be talking about how to spot those old patterns, what it takes to rewrite the story, and how to start building a life that actually feels like you. So if you've ever wondered why you keep falling into the same rules or beliefs that don't really fit anymore, this episode is for you. Welcome to the Codependent Doctor, a podcast where we unpack the messy, beautiful journey of healing from codependency. If you're burned out from people pleasing, stuck in unhealthy patterns, or just tired of putting yourself last, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent, and I'm here to help you reconnect to your authentic self. One honest conversation at a time. Here we go. Hello to all my wonderful podcast listeners, and welcome to the Codependent Doctor. I'm your host, Dr. Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow codependent, who's here to help us untangle our patterns, heal our hearts, and reclaim our peace. For today's episode, we have a guest with us. Kelly Parker is a speaker, coach, and founder of the Make Your Mark movement. After years in direct sales, Kelly realized that she was following a script that no longer fit and began the brave work of rewriting her story. Today she helps women rediscover who they are beyond the roles that they've been given and step into purpose-led businesses that reflect their voices and values. Through mindset shifts, personal storytelling, and practical clarity, Kelly empowers women to stop performing and start building a life that finally feels like them. I'm so excited to have her here today on the show with us. What I love about her work is that it's not just about mindset. It's about helping us step out of performance mode and into the lives that truly feel aligned with who we are. I know this is going to give you some light bulb moments and practical tools to start shifting your own story. So let's all give Kelly a warm welcome to the show. Welcome, Kelly. I'm so glad that you're able to join us today. How are you? I'm great. Great. One of the traditions on my show is that we discuss what we're grateful for because when we stop and think about what we're grateful for, it helps our brains focus on what's working instead of what's missing. So I'd like to ask you, is there anything that you're especially grateful for today?
SPEAKER_00:Today, specifically, I am grateful for this opportunity because for so long I didn't think I had a story that was worth sharing, that it wasn't extravagant enough to make a difference. And I'm just grateful that I have found my story and that I do believe that it has value and that I have this opportunity to share it.
SPEAKER_01:I love that. It probably took a long time for you to recognize that though.
SPEAKER_00:It took a long actually, I just didn't know it. But once it happened, it happened quickly. But it's been a long road coming.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and we're definitely going to be getting into that journey. For me, I'm I'm grateful for my partner. She is like the best part of my day, and I'm so grateful to have her love and her support and her words of wisdom with me every day. She puts up with a lot because I'm like obsessed about my podcast. So I do appreciate the support and all the time she lets me have in doing my little passion projects. Yay!
SPEAKER_00:That's right. Yay.
SPEAKER_01:So maybe we can start by having you introduce yourself and tell us about your journey to becoming a coach and founder of the Make Your Mark movement.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Went to college like we were supposed to, got a degree in education, homeschooled for 11 years, dabbled in different career industry areas throughout the years that I would get bored with that one and burn out and do another one. Another shiny object came along, and oh, that one's the one for me that I'm gonna make it in and be a success. Twenty-five years of that, and just going in excited and fizzling out and quitting and failing, and it just was a pattern. So I always had that little spark of entrepreneurship, but I really didn't know that's what it was. I just knew I wanted to be make a difference and I wanted to be successful and I wanted to make money at it, and I never could figure out why I couldn't make it work. I couldn't be successful, and so I wanted to start my own business and quit at that too last year. So that's kind of my story leading up to where I am today. First, I made a decision. I'm going to stick this out, I'm going to get this business off the ground. I know what I want to do. I've always wanted to teach and train and help people and show them this or that, guide them. But it wasn't until I uncovered some of my limiting beliefs to find out what was holding me back, why it held me back. And now it has uh changed everything. It's just made all the difference that for why I'm even here today. I wouldn't wouldn't have done this before.
SPEAKER_01:Kelly, you talk about breaking the script. And for those who of us who are listening who feel like they've been living their life on autopilot, following these roles that are set for us and these expectations that are handed down to us, how do you describe what it means to notice that you're living from a script in the first place?
SPEAKER_00:I didn't at first. I didn't realize I was. I think uh women in general have a script written for them overall, just that even if we do work and you know, two working household, it's still like it's in our script to come home and cook and clean and get the kids ready for bed. You know, it's just uh ingrained script that we are living in, still are a lot of ways. So we've got those scripts, the the cultural scripts that we've had, and we've also got scripts that that were developed in childhood that just things that were said, things that have happened that we have trained our brain to think and believe. So those scripts. And then also in the direct marketing world where I was for so long in and out of, they give you scripts to use. You know, they give you the copy and paste, you know. If you see uh people in the same company, it's exact thing, everybody says the exact same thing. So we're scripted in so many ways. And it's just uh uh it's not us, it's not authentically us, who we really are, who we are on the inside and what lights us up and and speaking authentically. So we're not, it's like a you know, everybody says fake it till you make it. Well, yeah, everybody's faking it, but I they're not making it, and I don't believe that any, you know. I may have thought, okay, I'll just fake it till I believe it, but a belief is not necessarily the truth, and that's what I've learned that all these beliefs that I've been living aren't founded on truth, they're just founded on somebody else's belief or perception.
SPEAKER_01:One of the biggest scripts I think that I follow is if I bump into someone, they ask me how I'm doing. I always say I'm doing good. How are you? Even though I'm not even though I'm not doing good, but I feel like I'm almost I have to say that because I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to, you know, burden that other person with with my problems. So I mean that's probably one of the most obvious scripts for me. In addition to the hundred other scripts that I learned as a child.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:We are conditioned to be small, you know, to not cause trouble, to be good and just to lay low and just be. And it's not necessarily a bother to people, maybe if you say, Well, you know, today's not been the best, but that's okay. I I'm pushing through it and tomorrow will be better. Just to be honest. And then there's the time people will like and then spill their, you know, tell you their whole story. And, you know, sometimes we're like, oh my gosh, I was in the store forever. I ran into so-and-so, and she told me her life story, bless her heart, you know, we do that. But maybe she didn't have anybody else to tell. You know, I mean, maybe you're the only person that listened to them today. And I don't know. I think we just are critical of anything we do. True. You know, just like we're critical for saying I'm great, even though I'm not. I'm critical if I say I'm not great because they don't want to hear it, they don't care. We are so critical of everything. And just to be free to just say what you want. Yeah. I think it's just wish we were more like that, you know. Yeah. And not so worried. Because that was me. Comparison and judgment and worry was holding me back big.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you're not worth anybody else's time to listen to what's going on in your life. Yep. Many of my listeners, we grew up in families where people pleasing and self-sacrifice was almost expected. And this is something we see with women a lot, but we see with men too. So can you share how childhood beliefs and early patterns quietly shape how we show up in our lives and our businesses later on?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's how I kind of uncovered and dug down deep to see my limiting beliefs. But I know I was a people pleaser. I've always been a people pleaser. I played small, stayed quiet, I didn't speak out, I didn't ask for help, but I wanted to belong. I wanted to feel like I belonged to whatever that particular day was, you know, whether it be this little crowd of people or this cheerleader or the popular crowd, you know, just to be belong, wanted and needed. And so I I didn't want to ever say no. I wanted to make sure people, if somebody wanted me to do something, even if I really didn't want to, I still said yes, even as a child. And I've learned as an adult, even up through this past year, uh, things I wanted to do, I would l allow other things to take precedence. Even if I said, okay, I'm gonna do this today for my business, and then I might get a phone call, or you know, are you able to watch the kids today for a couple hours? Or my daughter, you know, just grandkids. And I would, yeah, I can do that because I can do this later. She needs me right now. I'll always I just could never say no. And um, and I did because I didn't I didn't have boundaries, I didn't have any healthy boundaries, and I thought I would upset people because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I wanted them to think, oh, you can always count on me. I'm always here for you, you know. But I think we misunderstand what that means. And it's not every single time you're are asked that you have to drop what you're doing to do it. And I think that it shows people that I respect my own self and my own time. And if you don't, then they're not gonna respect yours and they're gonna continually take advantage of it at times. A lot of times they may not truly need you, it's just a convenience for them in a work setting. I think that a lot of times, if you're a people pleaser, if you are the one that always goes the extra mile because you want the good feedback, that is a way of not being able to say no, I that isn't healthy either. Respect your value to a point to where other people see it. They may see you as an easy out rather than a valuable asset. And it shows in your pay and how you're treated.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm. It does very much so. A couple of years ago, I went through this period of I thought I knew what led to this burnout period, but I I didn't really. I just knew that things, the way I reacted to people and the way I interacted with people wasn't working anymore. And it wasn't until a counselor said, asked me, Are you a people pleaser? Just that one question, the light bulb went off, and there was just clarity. And I realized, my gosh, this is a huge problem. Yes, I am a people pleaser. Was there a moment like that for you when you realized that you know things really weren't working? And and you were able to kind of name what the problem was?
SPEAKER_00:I was in a therapy session too, and just by the questions that you know, sometimes you fill out pre-questions and then they ask you some more. And uh, I've done other online little tests and things. And I mean, it's evident that I'm a people pleaser. I hate conflict, I don't want to be around anybody that's upset or angry or discon gobby. I I just don't like being around that energy. So I want everything peaceful, and I want, and I feel like because I'm I want to help people, that is truly what I want to do. That that it stems from that. So therefore, if somebody needs me to do something, I want to help them, so therefore, I'm gonna do it. And I think that there's a fine line between helping somebody and being a people pleaser because sometimes if you really don't want to do something, it's okay to say no. Because their happiness is not ever gonna come from me, it has to come from them, and I have had to learn that making them happy is not my job, and it's pretty much impossible for me to bring them what happiness is because it's situational. Happiness is um it's a situational thing. I think joy is something that's more deep and spiritual related that can come from only one source, but now happiness can come and go, and um, that's our responsibility. And if I am worried so much about bringing somebody else happiness rather than myself, it can burn you out, completely burn you out. You feel underappreciated, so you know that is another negative thought. Nothing I do is enough, it just really brings out a lot of things that get you to that burnout phase that I don't ever want to burn out because you know, we are lights. That's my thing is be the light, and we can be the light and have boundaries.
SPEAKER_01:Amen to that. 100%. So you work with women on uncovering limiting beliefs. So, what are some of the more common limiting beliefs that you see?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's a part of my program of the overall program, but yes, limiting beliefs. I think some of the biggest limiting beliefs are I'm not qualified, especially when we're talking about starting your own business, which is what I help people do. So I'm not qualified enough, I'm not smart enough. And um, that's one.
SPEAKER_01:Everyone else is smarter than me.
SPEAKER_00:Always, you know, yeah, yeah. I don't have what it takes. The confidence in themselves to get on a podcast, to get their face out there, because if you're gonna be in business, people need to know who you are. They need to know who who to, you know, for you to pop in their mind when something that you have that they want. So to get out there and to mess up and be vulnerable. There's so many people that say, I can't do that. I'm an introvert. A lot. Um, a limiting belief is I can't afford it. A limiting belief would be I don't know anybody, nobody, I don't have support, you know, I don't have anybody that would believe in me or back me or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:It's really easy to convince ourselves of these things.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah, yeah. I believe that I must just not have wanted it enough. Or I'm a quitter, I'm a procrastinator, and I'm a quitter, so that's who I am. So it'll probably never happen, even though you get excited at first, it starts to creep in. You think this is the time, this is the one, and then over time it just creeps back in those doubts. And and I think too, part of it is limiting beliefs, but I also think that the scripts that the energy, the excitement in the beginning that we are starting off this new shiny object opportunity is their excitement that we're feeding off of. Your recruiter, the one who's trying to get you on this team. You know, they are pumped and they're passionate about it and they're excited about it. And so we're thinking, I am too, you know. But it's not coming from us. It's just kind of borrowed excitement and we can't last on it. So many beliefs that just you hear about all the time.
SPEAKER_01:It's interesting you you bring up that, you know, we're not qualified. And I remember I I remember this study that kind of said that if you have a job and it's got 10 qualifications that they're looking for, women are gonna feel like they need to meet every single one of those criteria before they can apply. Whereas men, on average, look for at least two.
SPEAKER_00:Really?
SPEAKER_01:I hadn't heard that study. So I just I I find that really interesting. How like men's like their threshold for applying for jobs is much, much lower. Whereas women are like, oh, I don't have this one qualification. I can't do it. I'm not the candidate that they're looking for. So we just we put a lot more pressure on ourselves to be this like perfect candidate when when really I mean, we can apply for any job that's out there, and you just have the have to have the courage to do it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but then you get afraid of like, well, what if they ask me about this and I'm not qualified, and then I won't have an answer. All things, yeah, you know, all the bad scenarios go through our head, not the good ones.
SPEAKER_01:So you don't have an answer, right? That's yeah, okay.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You got you got to practice having an interview. I mean, that's worst case scenario.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I did an interview to be um promoted at this dental office one time, and they asked me a question, and I gave the answer, and they just said just told me, like, oh, I really expected you to know more about this, and they pretty much told me you didn't get it right there because they were just telling me that that answer wasn't good enough that I didn't understand it, and I didn't study, you know, look into it and understand it before coming into that. Yeah, I mean, just in the interview, they'll cut you down. You know, they will just cut you right in two. It's like, and that's not what you want to hear at those moments. You're already very vulnerable and sitting there nervous and all the things, and you're answering questions, and you're thinking, okay, I I answered that pretty good. And then yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But these are all things that take practice, right? Mm-hmm. So, how do you balance the courage that it takes to change your story with the fear of letting other people down, especially people who've been benefiting from you being such a people pleaser? How do you how do you get the courage to make that change?
SPEAKER_00:Practice saying no. And whenever I get there, uh I think over once once I've realized that I'm once you're aware, I think you have to be aware that you really are a people pleaser. And you have to be aware of how it's limited you and how it's held you back. So I have I think you need to know that first and foremost. So whenever it does come up and a situation comes up that normally you might have said, Yeah, you know, yeah, let's let's put this aside and I'll do what you need me to do. But whenever you're aware and that happens, then you immediately know and you're aware, and you remember what happens whenever you do put yourself second, third, fourth. And then it gives you a little empowers you to say, this is why I'm doing better. I'm already doing better with these boundaries that I have. And so I don't apologize for it. I don't think we need to be sorry. You don't want to say, Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't do that today. I just say, uh, I get to be on a podcast today, my schedule is full. Yeah, you know, and really empower yourself with what you're doing. Remind yourself of what you're doing and why. And it's it gets easier every single time to say no. So the more you do it, I think the better you'll get at it, the less guilt you'll have every time. As long as you don't go into it, it's like you're letting somebody down because you're not. You're not letting them down. You're just not able to do that at that time. Yeah, and that's okay too. How many times have everybody else thought told us no?
SPEAKER_01:You know? And that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. We don't hold it against them.
SPEAKER_00:And I think in the long run, people are gonna s people may get upset. They might get upset when they're used to always having you available, yeah. And they may get upset, but that's okay too. Because I want people in my corner that are rooting for me and understand where I'm going and what I'm doing. Sometimes if you can become stronger, because that's what you're gonna be, is a stronger and more confident, it may offend others because they aren't there yet. And that's okay. You are being a good model for those people, whether they know it or not, right now. But if they get to that point in their own life, they're gonna say, I see what she did. I see what she was doing, and she did the right thing.
SPEAKER_01:You're always saying no to someone. You're either saying no to the person who's asking you to do something, or you're saying no to yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, you are.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But I would rather, like in the past, I I would rather be the one suffering and be the one unhappy than to make somebody else unhappy. And that's just that's a mindset that that needs to be changed.
SPEAKER_00:I yeah, go to a a certain event that I really just didn't want to go to, but they really, you know, expected it. And I've actually taken and it's been hard a few times to back out of something that I had agreed to go or do, and it just wasn't feeling right. I just it wasn't there, and I just said, I'm not going.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I just and I'm sorry, you know, I I was, you know, I have said I'm sorry because I know I had, you know, made a commitment at one point, but it wasn't a commitment that would hurt anybody or not hurt, you know. It was just for me, it wasn't right. And and whenever you do stand up and say, No, you know what, I'm not gonna go to this event or I'm not going to this conference or whatever it may be, and once you say it and own it, I swear it's like a brick off your back.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:When you know you did the right thing, you know, you did it and you just know that it was not for you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you have this huge sense of relief when you when you finally have the courage to say that I don't want to do this.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, it's freeing. It really is. And so, like I said, it gets easier. It it takes courage. It does take courage a lot of the, you know, several times, and sometimes it will again, depending on what it is. But it's freeing, and people that are really rooting for you are not gonna be upset.
SPEAKER_01:I have a much easier time saying no to something if I already have something else planned. So if it's you know, if there's a conflict in scheduling or something, it's a lot easier to say, no, I can't do this. I get to be on this great podcast today.
SPEAKER_00:It's not a great excuse rather than I don't want to.
SPEAKER_01:But sometimes that means that I feel forced to fill up my time so that I don't need to do these things when in truth I need to get to feel I need to feel more comfortable saying, no, I can't do this. And I don't have to say it's because I want to sit on the couch and binge watch Netflix for a little while, right? That's right. I don't have to fill up my time. But do you have any advice for anybody who like feels that guilt?
SPEAKER_00:Gosh, I have done it so many times. I had something that came up just recently, and it I it it is hard. Guilt tears me up inside sometimes. And I do. I feel like, oh my gosh, somebody wanted me to do this, and I really didn't want to, and I've already got something that day, and I can't it's like a relief when we have a legitimate excuse. And uh I just want to encourage you and anybody listening that if you don't want to go, that is legitimate.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And that's okay. And I think we just have to quit. I've always worried what other people thought. That's all this is, is we're worried somebody's gonna judge us, worried that you know, we're gonna offend somebody, and to break out of that mold, it is quite freeing in itself. And to be able to just say, you know, that's not my thing. I'm gonna pass. Be done with it. I don't like doing that anymore. That's just I've grown out of that. Now I'm good.
SPEAKER_01:It's definitely something that you can grow out of, but it often takes a really long time to even realize that that you were stuck in that that pattern. And it's on it's not until things aren't working in your life anymore that you really have to start looking at that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. That was part of my uh journey myself. I um that's how I have also kind of created, founded a signature method that I used to uncover my limiting beliefs. It just happened one day when I sat down at this computer and started journaling. And I'd already done a lot of work, you know, on myself. I hadn't been to therapy and things. Therapy was done, and and it was like the whole lid came off and I could see the sky, I could see everything for once. Um so I that's what I have m created is the limiting belief portion. It's called re-root the script. Because we don't want to root have our identity rooted in beliefs that aren't true. And we want to uproot them and re-root them in truth. And so it's just a simple method. But once that happened and I could make sense of it all, it all just became clear on why I did this, why do I always do this? Why does this always happen? Why am I like the way I am? You know, finding out you're a people pleaser, uh finding out this, then the awareness is there and you can make sense of it, logical sense of it, it becomes easier. And you may not, until you get to that point, it's gonna be hard. And it may not be so easy to recognize that you are doing it again. Uh-huh. And the guilt's there again. And now I still get guilty sometimes. Don't get me wrong. Because, you know, I just I that's how I I really want people to be happy. But I have to remind myself too that I don't make them happy. And if it's something that I really feel obligated that I should do, then I do it. You know, it's just easy. Do you really want to? Do you not? And just use your best judgment. And if it makes sense to you in a logical way, and if it if it doesn't help you move forward to where you're wanting to go, if it's detrimental, definitely say no. And if it's just something that it might take a few hours, uh, you know, but it's not gonna hurt anything, and you want to, you know, be able to be there for somebody, do it. Because I think we are supposed to make a difference. Just not to our detriment.
SPEAKER_01:So what can we do once we identify some of these limiting beliefs? What's the next step to rewriting them?
SPEAKER_00:Uh realize and really see our limiting beliefs because once we see them in our past and see how we've still uh live that way and believe that that way, it really clicks. But what we have to do then is to look at each of these beliefs and then root them in some truths. Let's say I'm always last, you know, I'm always, you know, last. I never can seem to get momentum, I'm not qualified, all the things that hold us back, like we talked about. And then I want we need to go and find the contradictions there in our lives. Because we're gonna find where, what about right here? Look what you did there. You got first place. Look right here, what you did here. You were the top uh promoter for this whatever. Look here how you helped this person overcome this issue. There are so there is so much evidence in our lives that contradict what you've been telling yourself, you just don't realize it. And so we're gonna base a new belief on truth because beliefs aren't necessarily truth. Some of them are, some of them aren't. And like I'm not smart, I can't do that. Well, look what you got on the scored on that thing right there, you know, and we have to find it because we don't, in the whole scheme of things, we can't sit we have a hard time pointing out our assets that we have, our skills, our assets, our accomplishments. We only look at our failures, and so we have to focus on them. And then once we can say this is not me, I'm not a quitter, then that new belief is you know, I keep going because it's based on truth, because this is the proof. You have the proof, so you can squash that belief.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So you're looking for evidence that it's not true. Yeah. And and that this is just something you're telling yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm. Yep. And it's something that you've Told yourself from way back when, you know, maybe you did run last at one time or didn't get invited to a dance or something in your past, and it just crushed you because you weren't chosen and you, you know, nobody wanted to choose you and you're alone and unloved and unneeded, you know, all those things that people go through. And in life, now you can say, Your husband chose you, your wife chose you, God chose you. This friend chose you. This boss chose you. You're not unworthy to be chosen. And I think that we have to point it out to people that there is contradictory evidence of what you're thinking, and you need to just squash that thought and then look at the truth and then form your beliefs on that. I am chosen because I'm worthy of being chosen.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we always seem to think the worst things about ourselves. It's hard to convince ourselves that we're that we're good sometimes.
SPEAKER_00:Yep. Yep. And I think women have it harder. I think a lot of men do too, but I think women take it, we we really make it our identity. And that's where it's just you can't escape it. Yeah. And we like to identify with our problems and our shortcomings, our diagnoses. We just always identify with all of these things. And if that's all you're identifying with, that's all you're gonna be.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You've got to speak truth, you know, and the more you speak truth and what you are good at, that is what's gonna flourish, and that's what's gonna keep the dominoes going in the right direction.
SPEAKER_01:The negativity is just gonna keep us stuck.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So perfectionism. Perfectionism often hides behind high standards or you know, being responsible. So, how do you help women move from perfectionism and performance into a life that feels more authentic?
SPEAKER_00:I think perfectionism, it depends. If you are a true perfectionist is different than somebody who seems to be one, it's but it's just a stalling tactic. I think sometimes we can use that and it's based out of fear and inadequacies and stuff that you feel like it's if I don't show up perfect, then I don't I'm not qualified. I think some of I think there's a true difference. Now there's some people that are a perfectionist based on their belief that uh they've always been told they have to be perfect. They've always felt like they have to make all A's, be the best person on the team. And if they're not, then they're not good enough. Perfect made them the best or lovable or worthy. So I think it there's two different aspects of it, but for the most part, I would want them to tell me all the times that they've been perfect. List me everything that you've done that has been perfect, and there's not going to be very many answers.
SPEAKER_01:I was gonna say, I don't know if I can come up with too many because because I could have always been more perfect.
SPEAKER_00:But what's more perfect? Yeah, there's not. Perfect is perfect, and nobody's perfect. So, and I also, and if you can't tell me anything, and then there may not be anything to tell because you never tried, because you never allowed yourself to mess up. And I think that that is detrimental that we never even try because we can't face not being perfect. I think that's a big burden for people to grasp. That's a heavy, heavy burden. I think that would take a lot of uncovering. We're gonna mess up in everything we do. When we start, we're always gonna be a beginner at something if we're starting something. When we get to the next phase, we're at the beginning of the next phase. And that I think too, when you are living out of perfectionism, you are nearly incapable of growing because growing is going through obstacles and mess ups and failures and coming out on the other side. Because then you've grown so much more and you've got so much more uh potential and opportunities with that. That's our story. That's how we how we even get a story. And if you are just I can't do it because I'm I have to be perfect, um keeps you from doing nothing. Pretty much nothing.
SPEAKER_01:I'm a recovering perfectionist, and one of the things that I do is I aim to fail four times a month. That is my that is my goal. And although I don't like to say that I fail, it allows me to try so many new things and not be afraid because I am allowed to fail up to four times that month. How hard is that for you to do though? Oh, it's it's tough. But I heard it on a podcast one time. Just give yourself you should be trying to fail at least four times a month. And I don't like failing, but I know I'm allowed to fail four times. And it just keeps me out of that perfectionism and it keeps me being able to try new things and put myself out there a little bit more. And if I fail, I go, okay, well, that's one. And then I try again the next one. Okay, well, that's that's two. But with the more times I allow myself to fail, the more successes I am, I am also seeing, and that is huge. So it's been a way for me to let go of some of that perfectionism.
SPEAKER_00:That's good. I think that the word fail, failure is uh, I don't think we ever will fail until we quit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00:Truly not ever fail. Because if you keep going, you haven't failed. Failure, if something didn't work, and we want to call it failure, it's feedback. It's information that we say, okay, that didn't work that way. What let's see, let's try this. It's only feedback that something didn't work the way it was supposed to, and we just keep going. I mean, we wouldn't have electricity, we wouldn't have anything if people gave up on their first time it didn't work. And I like to look at it as feedback, it's just something we use and take the take that information and now do this. And then we do this. And the more you do it, you are perfecting your whatever it is, but it probably will never be perfect for everyone. And when we look at it, we take it personal. We're the failure, not what this was supposed to do, we are. So we take it on as being a failure rather than this didn't work. This didn't. I worked, I worked hard, and I was putting all the hours in and putting all my blood, sweat, and tears in it. I worked, but that didn't work. But I'm not a failure. That didn't work, and so I have to kind of remind people and remind myself that every time I quit throughout everything I did, I would start and a year later quit and go again. I just kept saying lazy, quitter, procrastinator, unmotivated. That's I would tell my failure. Those were all the things that I said, and it's not true. No, they're not true. There's so much more behind that. And if I really looked, then it was I wasn't passionate. It wasn't something in me that was just wanting to do, it didn't align with what I wanted to do in the world and my purpose, and now I know that. And then I made all these other excuses up because I didn't know what was going on.
SPEAKER_01:But you learned everything at all of those jobs, right? You learned valuable skills that you it's part of your story, it's brought you to where you are now.
SPEAKER_00:It's my story, and I learned a lot, and now I can use that story and all that I went through to hopefully thwart people from going as long as I did through it. You know, don't but even if you're older than me, we can still, you know, stop it in its tracks.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, for sure. There's never a bad time to start. So you've built the make your mark movement, and this is helping women use their voices and their values. So tell me a bit about that.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, that is how I am helping women who have been tried direct sales, been in it for a while, or still in it, and it's still not uh there's still just that little inkling if something's not it's missing that there there's more, there's more for me, and they just know it. They just don't know what it is. So I help them to transition or add on to what they're already doing, is their own business to help them create and build their own business aligned with what lights them up, their passion, so they can fulfill their purpose, that feeling that's not being met, and make the impact that they were made to make. So that is how they will make their mark. And then if needed, we'll pull in my signature method of the limiting beliefs at the beginning of that. If we have a lot of roadblocks, we gotta undo all that first. So the make your mark move was was my creation in my mind at first, and then the big awakening came, and so I it's like I have my signature method of dealing with that kind of inside it. So, and that's just all recent. I mean, I like I said, it was just birth chairs sitting at my computer just you know a few months ago.
SPEAKER_01:I love that you had the courage to to do that and to recognize that you had a really valuable message to put out there.
SPEAKER_00:So congratulations. I didn't have the courage before, and once I did and recognized it and realized I do have some value here and I've got a story, and now that's what gets me up in the morning. I mean, I want to share it on these podcasts, I want to be vulnerable because that's where the strength is, not the weakness. And I've learned all these things and they're all just I I've known them, but I didn't know them and believe them.
SPEAKER_01:So I love that. Kelly, where can people find you?
SPEAKER_00:I am on Facebook a lot. That Instagram and Facebook is my main places that I try to uh reach people. You've got the links that hopefully will be here. I do.
SPEAKER_01:I will put them all in the show notes, including you've got a freebie, which is like this unscripted reflective roadmap to reclaim your voice, your vision, and your worth.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. So I've got a good guide for you free, that link, and um I think I've got I might have my little website link too for another freebie if they want. So I'll give you we'll give them that too. Get them two freebies.
SPEAKER_01:Put that all in the show notes. People can uh will be able to find you. Kelly, thank you so much for being here and for sharing your wisdom with us. I know my listeners are walking away today with a lot of clarity and probably some courage too to start rewriting some of those old beliefs. It's been a real gift to have you here, and I thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
SPEAKER_00:It's been a gift for me too. I just I loved it. I appreciate your time to give me this opportunity. And I hope that everybody out there that is listening will start not just hoping, but will at one day become certain that they have value and they have a story.
SPEAKER_01:And thank you so much for everyone for spending time with us today. If this episode resonated with you, feel free to share with a friend or anyone who could use a little encouragement. The more that we share these conversations and have them spread, the more people that we can reach together. And if you'd like to stay connected, make sure that you follow me. I'm most active on Facebook at the Codependent Doctor and Instagram at DRAngela Downey. I'd love to hear your thoughts, so don't be shy about leaving a comment or reaching out. I wish you all a great week as you learn to foster a better relationship with the most important person in your life, yourself. I'm going to talk to you again in two weeks for another episode of the Codependent Doctor. Take care for now. You've got this. Thanks for spending time with me today. I hope something in this episode resonated with you. If it did, hit follow, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs to hear it today. The Codependent Doctor is not medical advice and doesn't replace speaking to your healthcare provider. If you're in a crisis, please go to the nearest ER or call 911 or reach out to your local mental health helpline. I'll be back here next week with more support, stories, and strategies because we're healing together.